Movie Review The First Omen

The First Omen (2024)

Directed by Arkasha Stevenson 

Written by Tim Smith, Arkasha Stevenson, Keith Thomas 

Starring Nell Tiger Free, Sonia Braga, Ralph Inseson, Bill Nighy

Release Date April 5th, 2024

Published April 5th, 2024 

The First Omen isn't so much of a movie as it is a widget. I mean widget in its first definition, not the internet definition. The First Omen is a product created by a committee who were given budget and a deadline and told to create a sellable product. The people who made it may be of the highest talent and may create a terrific product, but there is no escaping the widget comparison. If The First Omen were not connected to a studio owned franchise, it would not exist and the people who made it, likely would never have worked together. A studio had a product that it wanted made. The studio chose a product manager, a team lead, and a group of people to run the factory floor and they crafted a product for consumption in the market place. 

You can say, that's most movies, and I don't disagree with you. But, you can sense when someone is making a passionate work of art, a deep expression coming from the soul of a genuine artist. And, you can tell when someone is tasked with producing a widget, when they are accomplishing an assignment with a budget and deadline and not a work of a passionate soul. This is not to simply say that by its nature, The First Omen is a bad movie, it's not poorly made. It's a terrific widget. But a widget will never be a transcendent work of art. It will always be a functional mass produced consumer product, no matter how good the effort was to create it. 

The First Omen stars Nell Tiger Free as Sister Margaret, a troubled young Nun who has come to Rome at the behest of her loving mentor, Cardinal Lawrence (Bill Nighy). Cardinal Lawrence was once a humble Priest who helped Margaret survive a difficult childhood in a Massachusetts orphanage. Now, he's using his power as a Cardinal in Vatican City to get Margaret a place at a church run orphanage in Rome, in 19171. It's a heady change for Margaret who turned to God after growing up tormented so badly by visions that she thought she might lose her mind. She still occasionally has horrific visions of the abuse her mind tells her did not actually occur. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Living

Living (2022) 

Directed by Oliver Hermanus 

Written by Kazuo Ishiguro 

Starring Bill Nighy, Aimee Lou Wood, Alex Sharp, Tom Burke 

Release Date December 25th, 2022 

Published December 9th, 2022 

Living stars Bill Nighy as Mr. Williams. His name is kept very formal as a reflection of how he's lived his entire life by the standards of formality. Mr. Williams is the head of a non-descript Public Works office in a big English city, never identified. He's known among his employees as a quiet yet authoritative man. He manages the office efficiently, never makes waves and just tries to keep his part of this bureaucracy from gaining any kind of attention. 

Mr. Williams' arrival at work everyday is like clockwork, as is his end of the day routine. He rides the train to and from work but stays apart from his employees so as to maintain his authority. He appears to have done this job all his life without ever making much of any impact. Stacks of papers top every desk, each a request that Public Works kicks from one part of bureaucracy to another, as if their product were making sure nothing ever changes. 

Naturally, the life of Mr. Williams is about to change drastically. In an uncharacteristic moment, Mr. Williams rises from his desk one day and announces that he will be leaving early. We will come to find out that this is do to a doctor's appointment. At this appointment, Mr. Williams is told that he has maybe six months to live. The following day, Mr. Williams' clockwork arrival at work doesn't happen. He tells no one and simply doesn't show up. 

Instead, Mr. Williams has removed his life savings from his bank and has traveled to a seaside location in order to find someone who can teach him how to live. Encountering a drifter cum author, Mr. Sutherland (Tom Burke), Mr. Williams tries out a night of debauched partying and what happens from there will reveal a great deal about both Mr. Williams and Mr. Sutherland. This sequence is lovely and sad and brilliantly revealing. It's a bravura sequence in a terrific movie. 

Two more characters exist in this story and their story underlines the story of Mr. Williams. Alex Sharp plays Mr. Wakeling, a new man in Mr. Williams' department.  The name ,Mr. Wakeling, it's as if his name is intended to demonstrate that he lingers in the wake of others, carried along by the tide. Not a bad metaphor for a for a young man at the start of a new and confusing journey. Sharp gives Mr. Wakeling a wide-eyed eagerness that soon mellows into a healthy competence at his job and a general good nature. 

Mr. Wakeling stands out as he is immediately taken with a fellow co-worker, Miss Harris (Aimee Lou Wood). Miss Harris has also caught Mr. Williams' eye though it's not a creepy infatuation. Mr. Williams admires the life he's witnessed from Miss Harris, her positive attitude and warmth. She makes the office a little brighter and in her he sees someone else who might be able to help teach him what it is like to be alive after having spent so many years merely functioning. 

That's the magic of Living. Bill Nighy's performance is about learning to live and choosing the people who can guide you on that journey. It's a somber reminder of the ways you make an impression on people whether you are aware of it or not. Miss Harris made the world a little brighter without knowing she did it and, even from his cloistered space a functioning cog in a bureaucratic wheel, Mr. Williams noticed it, admired it, and comes to praise it with hopes of learning more from it. 

That's a beautiful idea and it is well explored in the patient and thoughtful direction of Oliver Hermanus and the insightful script of Kazuo Ishiguro. Hermanus adopts a look for Living early on that evokes 1950s Hollywood, and the work of director Nicholas Ray, that incredibly humanistic director, brilliantly known for his interior dramas. Like Ray, Hermanus uses interiors to reveal his characters. For instance, Mr. Williams' well dressed and mannered persona juxtaposed against the rowdy, grimy, seaside pubs, home to the debauched and delightful, Mr. Sutherland's of the world. 

Click here for my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Underworld Rise of the Lycans

Underworld Rise of the Lycans (2009) 

Directed by Patrick Tatopoulos

Written by Danny McBride, Dirk Blackman, Howard McCain

Starring Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy, Rhona Mitra

Release Date January 23rd, 2009 

Published January 23rd, 2009

It is somehow odd to me that I have liked each of the Underworld movies. Odd because I have managed to be surprised by how much I have liked each of these movies. From the marketing, the first two Underworld movies were about ogling Kate Beckinsale in tight black leather. Yet, watching them, I was endlessly tickled by the over the top effects and the grand screen chewing performances of Brits Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen.

In the latest addition to the franchise, Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen take front and center and once again I was surprised how good a time I had watching such a wondrously goofy sci fi exploitation flick.

The first two Underworld films set the scene, Vampires and Werewolves, at war for centuries with humans as merely a bone each wants to feast on. Each of the Underworld made reference to what happened to turn these warring factions so blisteringly against each other. Now in Rise of the Lycans we see the story fully fleshed for the first time.

You see, when Werewolves came into existence they were merely animals that were once human but incapable of accessing their human side. That changed with the birth of Lucian (Michael Sheen) a werewolf capable of reason and able to transition from wolf to man at will. 

Raised by vampires, Lucian's blood was used to create a slave class, kept in line by a collar that prevented them from going all werewolf. It was an ideal set up for the Vampires until grown up Lucian fell in love with Viktor's daughter Sonja (Rhona Mitra) and conspired with her to escape from his torturous slavery. With the aid of another Vampire, Tannis (Steven Mackintosh) attempting usurp Viktor's power, Lucian does escape and takes a number of his werewolf brethren with him.

This sets the stage for war, especially when Lucian returns for Sonja and Viktor discovers his daughter's affair.

In the tradition of the Hammer horror movies, Underworld Rise of the Lycans makes great use of a pair of brilliant english actors who bring a cache of classy talent to an otherwise B-movie conceit. Bill Nighy and Oscar nominee Michael Sheen tear into the material of Underworld Rise of the Lycans with relish and their passion for such goofball work is rousing.

Even as cheeseball effects rage around them, Nighy and Sheen keep their dignity intact and manage to raise the material to a level of respectability that only a truly talented actor could. While many would rightly expect this movie was about Rhona Mitra putting on Kate Beckinsale's tight black leather, it quickly becomes about Sheen's raging romantic angst and Nighy's screen chewing palace intrigue.

First time director Patrick Tatopoulis smartly embraces a low budget aesthetic that makes his effects look something akin to Bruce Campbell's Army of Darkness but with werewolves. The key is that Tatopoulis is aware of his low aesthete and doesn't try to hide it. He knows the effects are cheesy, he just keeps them moving fast enough so that we don't get bogged down goofing on them.

Underworld Rise of the Lycans is alot of fun. As I have said about the last two movies, who doesn't love the idea of Vampires fighting Werewolves. It's just a cool idea. Throw in a couple of brilliant brits and some camp-tastic special effects and you have all the ingredients for a good time at the movies.

I am not ashamed to say, I really had a great time watching Underworld Rise of the Lycans.

Movie Review Rango

Rango (2011) 

Directed by Gore Verbinski 

Written by John Logan 

Starring Johnny Depp, Bill Nighy, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Alfred Molina, Timothy Olyphant 

Release Date March 4th, 2011

Published March 3rd, 2011 

2011 has seen very great movies. For me, the best film of the year, before the Oscar bait stuff arrives in October, November and December, is the animated Johnny Depp comedy "Rango." This endlessly inventive animated feature stunned me back in March of this year and has lingered in the back of my mind ever since.

"Rango '' stars Johnny Depp as the title character, a movie loving pet chameleon who gets lost in the desert after falling out of the back of a car. After meeting a Possum named Roadkill (Alfred Molina) Rango wanders off into the desert in search of the spirit of the west.

Eventually, after being chased by a hawk and passing out from the heat, Rango meets Beans (Isla Fisher), an iguana from a western town called Dirt. Through a series of mishaps Rango becomes the sheriff of Dirt and is tasked to stare down Rattlesnake Jake (Bill Nighy) while uncovering a scam to steal the city's water supply.

"Rango" was directed by Gore Verbinski, best known for the "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise, and written by John Logan, writer of "Gladiator" and "The Aviator." Together, Verbinski and Logan have cooked up an animated western that gathers influence not merely from the obvious sources, the westerns of Clint Eastwood and Gary Cooper, but also the HBO series "Deadwood" (Timothy Olyphant voices a mysterious character known as the Spirit of the West) and even the forgotten Lee Marvin classic "Cat Ballou" and the epic "Once Upon a Time in the West."

The references are literate and lively and will delight western fans to no end. But the mimicry in Rango doesn't end with the western. Rango includes nods to everything from "Star Wars" to "Raising Arizona" to "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End," the last two, of course, starring Johnny Depp.

The plot of Rango turns on the same premise of the film classic "Chinatown," a corrupt man taking control of a town's water supply. Most kids won't get the reference but the key to Rango's charm is the way it keeps both kids and parents wildly entertained. While parents are cataloging the numerous references to classic and newer movies, the kids will love the cleverness of the story as well as the marvelous color and the energetic voice performances from Johnny Depp, Ned Beatty, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin and more.

Unlike most animated films where the voice actors are recorded over several months, often one voice at a time, the cast of Rango recorded vocals all at the same time with the cast often acting out the action of the animated characters. The lively interaction of the cast and the way the animators worked to capture the emotions of the actors in their animated characters gives Rango its unique energy.

The animation of Rango is phenomenal with bright colors, visual nods to the work of Sergio Leone, the legendary Italian master of the Spaghetti Western, and an almost Dali-esque sense of the absurd, captured especially by a dream sequence involving a floating, wind-up fish.

Rango is entertaining on multiple levels from the film encyclopedia level of movie references to the extraordinary animation and the lively, boisterous, and wildly talented voice cast led by the brilliant Johnny Depp. With these elements combined, there is no question that Rango is, thus far, the best movie of 2011.

Movie Review Pirate Radio

Pirate Radio/The Boat That Rocked (2009) 

Directed by Richard Curtis

Written by Richard Curtis

Starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh, Rhys Ifans, Nick Frost, Emma Thompson

Release Date April 1st, 2009 

Published November 12th, 2009 

Oh how sad, a good premise gone bad. Pirate Radio has a sensational premise. Set in 1966 it tells the story of a Rock N' Roll radio station moored off the shores London. Why is the radio station on a ship in the Atlantic? Because 1966 was the year that rock music was banned in the UK. Brilliant subversives took the cause of rock n roll to the sea and broadcast rock, soul and pop tunes to millions.

If you think the premise is good, how about the fact that Pirate Radio is written and directed by Richard Curtis, the brilliant mind behind Four Weddings and A Funeral and Love Actually, with a cast that includes Oscar winner Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Kenneth Branagh, January Jones and Emma Thompson. How could this have gone so very, very wrong?

Pirate Radio tells the story of some heroic music lovers. Quentin (Bill Nighy) is the fun loving; sea-faring owner of Rock Radio, the most listened to pirate radio station on the high seas. His ratings are high thanks to an American DJ known as The Count (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) and a collection of oddball jocks including failed comic Angus (Rhys Darby), shy morning guy Simon (Chris O'Dowd) and ladies man Dave (Nick Frost).

Together they roll the high seas rocking, drinking and engaging in general debauchery. Or so we are told, one of the failings of Pirate Radio is how often the film leaves the best stuff off screen. This is supposed to be a movie about rock radio in the 60’s. Girls, drugs, booze, sex. And yet, we rarely see any of it. It's one thing to imply wild, rock n'roll good times but Pirate Radio can't even imply good times well enough.

Into this allegedly wild environment young Carl (Tom Sturridge) arrives. Kicked out of school for some reason, Carl's mom (Emma Thompson) sends him to stay with Quentin who may or may not be his father. What Carl or his new roommate, known to everyone on the boat as Thick Kevin (Tom Brooke) , do in exchange for staying on the boat is anyone’s guess.

Then again, motivation for any of these characters is lacking throughout Pirate Radio. So truncated is the character development in Pirate Radio that scenes arrive, exist and disappear seemingly at random. One moment a character is on the radio and in the next he's sitting around with the other DJ's laughing and drinking and while it's all congenial, even occasionally funny, there isn't much of anything going on.

Tension is supposed to build with the arrival of a new DJ named Gavin (Rhys Ifans) but again we aren't sure why. Yes, he's cocky and dismissive but we know too little about him or the people he rubs the wrong way to care why anyone is so terribly upset. Gavin is initiated in a bizarre contest with the Count that wastes a good 10 minutes of screen time.

Kenneth Branagh, playing the necessary villain as the officious government prat Sir Allistair Dormandy, is the only actor to discover his character's purpose. Though his proper British stiff is well lampooned he too lacks nuance beyond repeatedly defining himself as a jerk. At least he has a definition. Branagh's put upon assistant Mr. Twatt, yes you read that right, is a one note joke that gets less funny each time it is uttered.

There may be a behind the scenes reason for the complete failure of Pirate Radio. The film was released 8 months ago in England; then called The Boat That Rocked. The film was 20 or so minutes longer and allegedly had a lot more character stuff. Maybe, just maybe, there is something in there to explain the actions of these characters and give them depth beyond the caricatures. Then again, as it is Pirate Radio feels over long; making the film longer has rarely improved any movie.

Then again, there is a rumor that the original didn't have this version's prolonged, shipwreck of an ending, or at least didn't linger on it as much as this version does. That could definitely be an improvement. No matter what the first version of Pirate Radio/The Boat that Rocked looked like this version stinks out loud.

Movie Review: Flushed Away

Flushed Away (2006) 

Directed by David Bowers, Sam Fell

Written by Dick Clement, Ian Le Frenais, Chris Lloyd, Joe Keenan

Starring Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Bill Nighy, Andy Serkis, Jean Reno 

Release Date November 3rd, 2006

Published November 6th, 2006 

Aardman animation, the home of Wallace & Gromit and Chicken Run, makes its first foray into computer animation with Flushed Away. This comedy about a rat borne London in the sewers beneath the city combines the charmingly flawed look of Aardman's traditional claymation characters with computer animation from the home of the Shrek movies, Dreamworks animation.

It's quite a successful transition for Aardman who move seamlessly into computer animation that remains true to the artistry of the company's past.

Flushed Away stars the voice of Hugh Jackman as Roddy a pet rat indulging in a high class lifestyle while his human owners are out of town. With the humans gone Roddy is up and out of his cage, watching the big TV and even satisfying his sweet tooth. Roddy's high class vacation from the humans is interrupted by the arrival of a disgusting sewer rat named Sid (Shane Richie) who soon ends up sending Roddy on a shocking trip

In trying to get Sid to leave, Roddy tries to convince him the bathroom toilet is a Jacuzzi. Sid, however, knows a toilet when he see's one and sends Roddy careening down the pipes himself. Finding himself in the shocking midst of a bustling rat metropolis that replicates real London using found materials, Roddy seeks help to get himself back to his high class home.

The person who can help Roddy get home is Rita (Kate Winslet) a fearless independent ships captain who knows every inch of the London sewer. Before she can help Roddy, however, Rita must escape rat mobsters and their boss; the toad (Ian McKellen) who want Rita to give them a jewel she recovered that may or may not have falled from the crown of Queen Elizabeth herself.

After some friction, Roddy and Rita form a good partnership; fending off the mob as they navigate Roddy's way home and Roddy discovers that the toad has more sinister plans than merely retrieving the Queen's jewel from Rita.

Flushed Away was directed by first time directors David Bowers and Sam Fell who tell a lively and fun adventure story. The real success of Fllushed Away however, is the animation which seamlessly combines computer animation with Aardman's signature claymation look that despite having been digitized manages to retain that flaws in the clay charm ala Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

Much of the enjoyment of Flushed Away comes from the voice cast lead by Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet. Jackman gives a playful and fun vocal performance that is reminiscent of his self deprocating work as the host of the Tony Awards. Winslet is pitch perfect in giving Rita's voice strength and vulnerability. The supporting cast, which features Bill Nighy, Andy Serkis and Jean Reno really liven things up with Nighy and Serkis delivering terrific comic relief as mob rats.

There is a hint of romance in Flushed Away between Roddy and Rita. However, because directors Bowers and Fell are making a movie for kids they seem unwilling to commit to a romance between the lead characters. Despite great vocal chemistry between Jackman and Winslet, there is a great awkwardness in the writing and directing of this romance plot. The filmmakers seem to want to make it romantic but because this is a kids movie they just couldn't commit to it.

I can't escape the idea that Flushed Away should be funnier than it is. The film is pleasant and safe for the kids but it lacks the kind of big laughs that a movie like Cars or Shrek provide. That doesn't mean it's not humorous, rather that the humor is rather timid and riskless. See again the romance plot to which the filmmakers can't seem to commit. The romance has a lot of potential, comic or otherwise, but becuase the filmmakers can't decide if they want it or not the whole thing just sorta sits there.

As a product for kids you could do far worse than Flushed Away. The film is a technical marvel in its combination of CG technology and Aardman claymation. The story is pleasant and inoffensive which is a double edged sword. It's safe for the kids but far too safe to be really interesting and funny. I recommend Flushed Away for family audiences but for movie fans looking for the next Cars, Incredibles or Shrek, Flushed Away is not for you.

Movie Review Prates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest (2006) 

Directed by Gore Verbinski 

Written by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio 

Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy, Stellan Skarsgard

Release Date July 7th, 2006 

Published July 5th, 2006 

2003's Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl was a major surprise. Here is a film from the Disney formula factory, based on a theme park ride of all things, produced by mainstream dress meister Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by an unproven talent in Gore Verbinski. With all of these factors the film should have stuck to high heaven. Instead, Pirates of the Caribbean was a high spirited, high seas adventure that features arguably the best performance in the career of one of our greatest actors, Johnny Depp, and a pair of rising stars just ahead of the peak of their talents.

Naturally sequelization was a no-brainer, especially after the film began breaking the bank at the box office. Students of the Hollywood game are well aware that surprise hits like Pirates are once in a lifetime events. So it comes as no surprise that the sequel, subtitled Dead Man's Chest, suffers a case of sequelitis. It's the disease that strikes most, if not all attempts to recapture one time magic; see The Matrix and its sequels as the prime example.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is nowhere near as dreadful as Matrix Revolutions, but it does fail to recapture the swaggering, daggering fun of the original film by being bloated, overwrought and incomplete.

When last we saw Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) he had escaped the gallows and was back as captain of his beloved Black Pearl. Aided by the lovely young couple Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), Jack escaped the villainous Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and was free to return to his scalawag ways and get on with the business of pirating.

Will and Elizabeth have since returned to port to be married. Unfortunately a new man in charge of the English port, Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander), has decided to arrest them for aiding Jack's escape. Beckett is willing to make a deal. If Will can convince Jack to give up his precious broken compass and bring it to Beckett then Will, Elizabeth and Jack himself will have their freedom.

The compass is not actually broken. Rather it is not in the hands of its rightful owner and thus will not point in the direction of its intended destination. The compass points the way to a buried treasure that is not merely gold or precious metal. It points the way to a chest containing the still beating heart of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) an accursed pirate who sails the seas as an undead sea creature for eternity. Whomever possesses his heart controls Jones and his undead crew.

Jack will not be easily convinced to give up the compass. You see, Jack owes a debt to Davy Jones. It was Jones who gave Jack the Black Pearl some 13 years earlier in exchange for Jack's soul. With Jones now ready to collect the debt, with the help of a monstrous sea creature called 'the kraken', Jack needs to find the heart of Davy Jones to save his own life.

That is plenty of plot and yet barely enough to fill the movie's overlong two hour forty minute runtime. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest suffers from the Hollywood 'bigger is better' syndrome. The idea that because something is bigger or longer that it is somehow better is something Hollywood has practiced but never proven. Dead Man's Chest is further proof of the exact opposite.

Stuffed to the gills with filler scenes of Will's search for Jack, Jack's dalliance with native islanders and a subplot for Jonathon Pryce as Elizabeth's father are all examples of places where director Gore Verbinski might have tightened up the film's narrative.

About the native scenes, not nearly as offensive as those in King Kong, I would hate to lose the rolling cage scene featuring Will and the crew of the Black Pearl inside a giant globe made of human bones being chased downhill by angry natives. The scene is well shot, exciting and quite funny but also quite superfluous to the plot. The scene exists simply to exist. Losing the native portion of the film would cut more than a half hour out of the film's bloated 2 hour 40 minute length and narrow the plot in a more concise manner. Of course, length is not the film's only problem.

Director Gore Verbinski managed a miracle in the first Pirates film corralling a career defining performance from Johnny Depp into what is essentially a factory picture made from a very typical Disney/Bruckheimer formula. For the sequel, unfortunately, Johnny Depp seems to be doing an impression of himself as Jack Sparrow. His heart simply isn't in it this time. Depp does manage more than a few classic moments, especially in his last scene, an instant classic of grand guignol, but for the most part he is going through the motions of recapturing what we remember of Jack Sparrow. There is simply nothing new or energetic about the performance.

Orlando Bloom at least looks more the part of an action hero than he did the first time. Bloom is maturing into a fine actor whose fine features are no longer overshadowing his talent. As written however, his Will Turner does not have a great arc. His part is not nearly as juicy as Jack Sparrow which tends to leave him looking bland but worse yet writers Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott now have him fighting for the love of Elizabeth with Jack Sparrow which only further serves to expose the characters blandness.

As many issues as I have with the film as a whole, I did not truly dislike Dead Man's Chest. The film has some grand adventure wrapped up in its overlong runtime. Watch for the three way sword fight inside a giant wheel, an extended bit of action that actually has something to do with the plot. Especially good in Dead Man's Chest are the special effects that transform the brilliant Bill Nighy into the sea creature Davy Jones.

Essentially a man with a giant squid on his head, Davy Jones is a remarkable feat of CGI creature creation. Nighy's entire face, including the very expressive eyes, is the creation of CGI. This is cutting edge stuff used to very gross but also grand effect. It is not only Nighy's Davy Jones but a whole crew of CGI sea creatures including a pirate with the head of a hammerhead shark and an unrecognizable Stellan Skarsgard as a pirate covered in barnacles and with a secret that becomes an important plot point for Dead Man's Chest and likely for the third installment of Pirates, subtitled At World's End, due in 2007.

Yes, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is the middle child of this major franchise and yes it does feel like it. Though plenty is resolved a lot of unanswered questions are necessarily left open for the next sequel. The unanswered questions aren't quite as annoying as those of the second Lord of The Rings or Matrix films but still irritating.

By the standards of a movie sequel based on a theme park ride, from the Disney/Bruckheimer film factory, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is a fun picture. By the standards of great movie making? The film suffers from Superman-itis on top of its sequelitis. Superman-itis is an affliction that affects films expected to be culture defining moments of pop history that turn out to be less memorable than the hype that surrounds them.

I am recommending Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest for the special effects and occasional flourish of it's grand action scenes but lower your expectations Pirates fans this is not the Curse of the Black Pearl just a pale photocopy.

Movie Review: Underworld Evolution

Underworld Evolution (2006) 

Directed by Len Wiseman 

Written by Danny McBride 

Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy, Michael Sheen

Release Date January 20th, 2006

Published January 19th, 2006 

2003's Underworld began with a cool comic book fantasy premise. The idea? A war between vampires and werewolves. It's an idea that had horror fanboys creaming their shorts in anticipation of the long dreamed battle between two of literature's iconic villains. Unfortunately, with a first time director Len Wiseman at the helm, Underworld flailed and ultimately faltered in a hail of bullets and blue light. The novice director never got a handle on how iconic his subject matter was and instead became enamored of finding new ways to exploit the, ahem, virtues of his star Kate Beckinsale. And what virtues they are.

That film may have failed its central idea but, as a masturbation fantasy on home video, the film became a hit and less than two years later we get Underworld: Evolution. Filled with more fabulous shots of the leather clad Ms. Beckinsale, including one near nude scene, Underworld: Evolution once again fails its premise but does manage to reaffirm how hot Beckinsale is in tight black leather.

The first Underworld introduced us to our heroine Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a leather clad badass vampire who calls herself a death dealer. Her job is to hunt and kill the vampire's ancient enemy, the Lycan (werewolf for the uninitiated). By the end of the film she and her new man Michael (Scott Speedman), a newly created vamp/Lycan hybrid, had uncovered a shattering conspiracy and became outlaws on the run from both vampire and werewolf alike.

Evolution picks up where the first film left off with Selene and Michael seeking shelter and much needed blood. Unbeknownst to our heroes, another even more powerful vampire elder, the legendary Marcus (Tony Curran), has awakened and is searching for Selene. She, or more to the point her blood, holds the key to the secret of Marcus' brother's whereabouts. Marcus' brother happens to be the very first and deadliest werewolf in history. Marcus intends on freeing his brother and taking over the world.

It's not a great plot, in fact it's barely a passable plot. Len Wiseman, who wrote and directed the first film and contributed the story for this film, seems to have only one real obvious talent, and that talent is filming Kate Beckinsale, who happens to be his wife. The two met on the set of the first film and were married soon after production wrapped.

It's not hard to make Kate Beckinsale look good, her natural assets outlined in tight black leather are more than enough. Wiseman's camera, however, finds ways to accentuate her natural beauty to a distracting degree. Underworld: Evolution features a really hot sex scene between Michael and Selene that no doubt made the ultimate difference in the film's R-rating.

So with all of the issues I have with the plotting and some of the important technical aspects on the filmmaking side, what is it about Underworld: Evolution that I loved?

Underworld: Evolution picks up where the original Underworld left off with an unrelenting pace. After a brief respite resetting the vampire/lycan history, the film starts running fast and never stops. Ok, so vampires shooting at each other seems as odd as it did in the first film but, at the very least, there are a lot of bullets and they invariably hit their mark spilling buckets of CGI blood.

The violence of Underworld: Evolution is cartoonish and over the top but it works because there is so much of it. The fight scenes between Selene and Marcus and Michael and a giant CGI werewolf are goofy but still manage to be a lot of fun. When a downed helicopter with still spinning blades is introduced into the fight you just know some awesome carnage is soon to come, and Evolution does not disappoint.

Despite improving on the original Underworld, Evolution fails its super cool premise the same way the first film did. That is disappointing, but the film makes up for some of that disappointment by providing the kind of classic, highly stylized, extremely bloody violence that made me love horror films as a kid. Forget that horror porn garbage, give me classic, balls-out, over the top gore and save the mysoginistic insights into man's inhumanity to man for some unpleasant college course.

Underworld: Evolution is not nearly a great film but, compared to recent offerings in the horror genre, it's a breath of fresh bloody gore.

Movie Review Pokemon Detective Pikachu

Detective Pikachu (2019) 

Directed by Rob Letterman 

Written by Dan Herdandez, Rob Letterman, Benji Smart, Derek Connelly 

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Justice Smith, Kathryn Newton, Suki Waterhouse,Bill Nighy 

Release Date May 10th, 2019 

Published May 8th, 2019 

Pokemon Detective Pikachu is some hardcore fan service. In fact, if you are not immersed in the universe of Pokemon, you aren’t likely to find much to enjoy beyond the occasional Ryan Reynolds quip. Reynolds himself is a kind of Pokemon fan service as giving this franchise the voice of one of the world’s most popular and charismatic actors is akin to one of the cool kids passing up the cool kid table in the cafeteria so he can sit with the A.V Club and they can absorb some of his aura. 

Pokemon Detective Pikachu opens in pure, visual chaos. A car is escaping from a mysterious lab facility while being chased by a powerful Pokemon called a Mewtoo. The Mewtoo appears to blow up the car, knocking the vehicle over the side of a bridge. The driver appears to have been killed but the swirling vortex of CG chaos makes it impossible to know what happens and since this is our introduction to the story, we are at a loss to care much for what is happening. 

The film slam cuts from the car crash to a field in a small, vaguely Asian town. Tim Goodman (Justice Smith) is one of the few people in his small town who doesn’t have his own Pokemon, a tiny, animal-like creature, who people capture using a special ball that opens up to capture the Pokemon, but only if the Pokemon likes and trusts its new owner or master or trainer? I’m not familiar with the terms and the movie is less than forthcoming for newcomers. 

Tim’s lack of interest in Pokemon is a reaction to his father’s dedication to Pokemon, as a law enforcement officer with his own Pokemon partner named Pikachu. Work took his father away and Tim resents Pokemon for his dad not being around when his mom died. Tim is soon thrust back into his father’s world however when he receives a message that his father was in a deadly car accident. 

Tim must travel to his father’s home in Rhyme City, the rare place where Pokemon and humans live in harmony together. Everyone has their own Pokemon and peace reigns as the two species live in harmony under the watchful leadership of Howard Clifford (Bill Nighy). Howard created Rhyme City as a utopia for Pokemon and humans alike. Naturally, however, there are snakes in Eden and Pikachu is on the lookout. 

Pikachu was believed to have died in the crash that killed Tim’s father so when the two come face to face in Tim’s father’s apartment, they nearly kill each other. In what we are told is a completely unfathomable anomaly, Tim has the ability to hear Pikachu speaking English. No one else on the planet has the ability to communicate with a Pokemon directly and this will not be used in any useful way beyond quips, lots of quips, mildly amusing, inoffensive, only occasionally funny, quips. 

Together, Tim and Pikachu will team with ace junior reporter Lucy Stevens (Kathryn Newton) to find the source of some strange Pokemon behavior. This strange behavior harkens back to the days before humans and Pokemon became friends and it is the key to finding out who is behind Harry’s disappearance, the dangerous Mew-Too and the apparent intention to create a rift between Pokemon and humanity. 

Rob Letterman directed Pokemon Detective Pikachu and he has packed it full of stuff that Pokemon fans will adore. There are Easter eggs on top of Easter eggs with appearances by fan favorite Pokemon doing fan favorite Pokemon things. Characters from the longtime Pokemon cartoons make cameos, I am assuming, special attention is paid, ever so briefly, to a character even I recognized from years of cultural osmosis. Fans will be excited and the inclusion could hint at a wider Detective Pikachu-Pokemon cinematic universe. 

Or so I assume, only Pokemon fans will be able to tell me if I am right or wrong about that. The bottom line issue that I have with Pokemon Detective Pikachu is with the remarkable amount of fan service. The movie is very bland and basic in its general storytelling and so the only thing left in terms of making Detective Pikachu special would either come from making it funny, which it really isn’t or in making it so packed with Pokemon stuff as to render story unnecessary for the hardcore devotees. The makers of this movie went with the second option and left non-Pokemon fans scratching our collective heads waiting for Ryan Reynolds to get funny.

The story takes elements of the mystery genre and mushes them up into a highly predictable story arc. The opening scene is meant to provide a mystery that will play out over the course of the movie but the story cheats this opening repeatedly throughout the movie to fit the narrative. This particular narrative feels as if it was altered numerous times, something strongly indicated by 6 credited writers for Pokemon Detective Pikachu. 

If you can’t tell who the bad guy is from the cast list you aren’t really trying. It’s glaringly obvious throughout where the movie is headed, albeit the actual endgame of the story is a tad bizarre, but by then it was hard to care. In fact, a lot of fans might really have liked what the movie plays as an evil scheme, but that’s an odd digression for another, spoiler filled time. Weird ending aside, there isn’t a story beat in Detective Pikachu that will surprise you from the mismatched partners, the convenient bouts of amnesia, to a third act separation that is so perfunctory the screenwriters should step on screen to introduce it while thanking and giving credit to every screenplay guide ever written.

But, as I stated earlier, I am not the audience for this movie. I am not a Pokemon fan. I have nothing against Pokemon, I know plenty of people who find Pokemon delightful. I am just not into it, it doesn’t do anything for me and since the movie isn’t very funny, even Ryan Reynolds is missing that classic Ryan Reynolds wit, there isn’t much for me to invest in. Fans of Pokemon will likely flip for all of the neato Pokemon stuff in Detective Pikachu but if you are not part of the cult of Pokemon, you’re better off sitting this one out. 

Movie Review: Valkyrie

Valkyrie (2008) 

Directed by Bryan Singer 

Written by Christopher McQuarrie, Nathan Alexander 

Starring Tom Cruise, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, Terence Stamp

Release Date December 25th, 2008 

Published December 24th, 2008 

Why? Why did Bryan Singer, Christopher McQuarrie and Tom Cruise attempt to turn Valkyrie, the story of a failed attempt to kill Hitler in 1944, into a suspense thriller? As stated in my brief description, it's a FAILED attempt to kill Hitler. Anyone who thinks that is a spoiler needs a history class and not a trip to the movies. The choice to frame the story of German hero Claus Von Stauffenberg as a thriller is a damning choice that dooms Valkyrie from beginning to end.

Tom Cruise essays the role of Klaus Von Stauffenberg as a man who was already disillusioned with Hitler's Germany before he was approached about killing the Fuhrer. Having been sent to North Africa to fight on a losing front of Hitler's war expansion, Stauffenberg urged a higher ranking official to contravene orders and get the soldiers out of Africa.

Before he can give the order the higher ranking officer is killed and Stauffenberg is badly wounded. He lost his right eye and right hand in the attack and was returned to Berlin. There he is approached by Major-General Tresckow about joining a group of Generals and politicians who want to overthrow Hitler.

They think they can get the job done politically. Stauffenberg however, has a more permanent idea. He and others advocate the idea that Hitler must die if there is to be change in Germany. And, he even has a political plan as a backup. It's called operation Valkyrie and if executed perfectly it could allow for an orderly change of power once Hitler is dead.

We know going in that Stauffenberg was executed for attempting to kill Hitler with a bomb at the Fuhrer's Wolf's Lair hideout. The complicated plot was ingenious and the resistance lead by Stauffenberg has been deified by those in Germany desperate for the rest of the world to know that not all Germans followed in lockstep with the evil dictator.

There is more than enough drama in the ideas behind Stauffenberg and company's plot to make an interesting, historic epic. Unfortunately, the path chosen by those involved in the movie Valkyrie is to make a thriller based on the timing and execution of the Valkyrie plot, the one we already know fails. Worse yet, the failure is a piece of forced dramatics involving the weak will of one of the conspirators. 

How much of what we see is history and what is fiction is unknown but what is onscreen fails to be thrilling, suspenseful or even modestly compelling. I am one of the rare few admitted big fans of Tom Cruise. It has become quite fashionable to despise the former biggest star on the planet. I do not subscribe to that fashion. I think Cruise is one of the most charismatic and compelling leading men in Hollywood history.

That makes Valkyrie all the harder for me to watch. To play the Teutonic Stauffenberg Cruise dials down his most compelling aspect. He drowns his charismatic persona in a pool of dense concentration and the tightest sphincter this side of Nurse Ratchet. Generally, Cruise does uptight better than anyone. However, the schtick as in Jerry Maguire or Vanilla Sky is going from being uptight to allowing himself to lose control and go with the flow. Valkyrie calls for Cruise to be intense and stay that way and quickly that becomes stifling.

With his charisma dialed back Cruise's intensity becomes a serene mask of seriousness that just isn't suitable to him. It's the kind of ferocious inner fire that an actor like Joaquin Phoenix exudes with every breath. Cruise is more effective when he mixes aggravation with charm. Stauffenberg as written is charmless and Cruise is ill-suited.

Bryan Singer is too good a director for the film to fail in craftsmanship and there is nothing wrong with the construction of Valkyrie. Where the film fails is in the choice of trying to make it a suspense thriller. It's a simple question - how can you have suspense and thrills when you already know how everything turns out.

As Stauffenberg races from the Wolf's Lair thinking he has killed Hitler we aren't breathing heavy as he is because we know he failed. The scene is tragic but only in our minds. It's as if Singer and McQuarrie don't know it's tragic. To pretend that the outcome isn't known is an act of foolishness that undermines the tragedy and drama of the Stauffenberg plot.