Horror in the 90s Nothing But Trouble

Nothing But Trouble (1991) 

Directed by Dan Akroyd 

Written by Dan Akroyd 

Starring Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Akroyd, John Candy 

Release Date February 15th, 1991 

Box Office $8.4 million dollars 

Why does Dan Akroyd's elderly villain in Nothing But Trouble have the top of a penis for a nose? Why would this be funny? Is it intended to funny? Is it intended to be disturbing? It's certainly confusing. It achieves a high level of confusing. For the life of me, no matter how often I turn this idea over in my mind, I cannot understand the choice of having Akroyd's elderly villain creep have the tip of a penis for a nose. I imagine you reading this and kind of laughing to yourself as the absurdity of the idea of a penis tip for a nose. You're not wrong to laugh, it is absurd and funny but not in the way Dan Akroyd thinks its funny. 

And that is the deeply unfunny heart of 1991's Nothing But Trouble, it's often something you may laugh at but not for the reasons that director Dan Akroyd assumes you will laugh. For Akroyd, the presentation of something is enough to call it a joke. For instance, his penis tip nose or the sight of John Candy in a dress playing his own sister. These visuals are presented to us as if we are supposed to laugh at them, but they aren't actually doing anything funny, either visually or otherwise and thus we are left confused at the choice to show us these things. 

Another thing that writer-director Dan Akroyd thinks is funny but most assuredly is not, is Akroyd's pal, Chevy Chase at his most smug and exhausting. Akroyd has bought into Chase's delusion that just being smug engenders being charming and funny. Chase never says a single funny line in Nothing But Trouble but he's presented by Akroyd as the height of charming. Chase however, is merely arrogant and dismissive of others in a way that might be funny if Chase weren't so dead behind the eyes. Chase is all surface, no substance and his minor barbs lobbed at the villainous characters in Nothing But Trouble, never lands. 

Nothing But Trouble stars Chevy Chase as Chris, a stock expert who has made millions giving stock advice. He lives a fabulous life in a fabulous New York City apartment with fabulous friends that he can barely tolerate. One day, on the way home to a party in his own apartment, Chris meets his new neighbor, Diane (Demi Moore). It's not a meet cute in the traditional sense, it's more of two people sharing the same space that the script requires to be together. To say that Moore and Chase don't share a particular chemistry is an understatement. It appears to take a lot of effort from Moore to be in a scene with Chase, struggling to find a place amid the odor of his massive ego. 

Diane has just lost a big client in Atlantic City and she desperately needs a ride. She asks Chris, who she just met, if she can borrow his car and he insists on driving her himself. A pair of Chris' most obnoxious party guests, played in broad South American caricatures by comedian Taylor Negron and Berlita Demas, overhear Chris and Diane's plan to drive to Atlantic City and insist on going with them. So, on top of the anti-chemistry of Moore and Chase we have a pair of obnoxious stereotypes to overcome. It's as if Akroyd actively wanted us to hate Nothing But Trouble. His dedication to not having actual jokes continues to plague the movie. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review Coneheads

Coneheads (1993)

Directed by Steve Barron

Written by Tom Davis, Dan Akroyd, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner 

Starring Dan Akroyd, Jane Curtin, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Sinbad, Michelle Burke 

Release Date July 23rd, 2023 

Published August 30th, 2023 

Am I more mature or less fun? It's a sad question that I was forced to confront as I sat through another movie from my youth that was not nearly as much fun as I remembered. Coneheads is an utterly dreadful movie. When I was a teenager, with a heavy nostalgia for the glory years of SNL that, admittedly, I had only experienced via reruns, I liked Coneheads The Movie. As I once said in a column on this very website, linked here, movies don't change, you do. That's very clear to me after watching Coneheads for what I thought would be a nostalgic look back at a cult favorite. 

Coneheads began life as a popular running sketch on SNL in the late 1970s. Beldar and Prymaat Conehead (Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtin), are aliens from the planet Remulak who are hiding out on Earth and trying to cover up the fact that they are very obviously aliens. They have giant cone shaped heads and they speak in a staccato monotone, like some kind of robot affecting a human voice. That's the joke, the juxtaposition of the attempts by Beldar and Prymaat to seem like suburban Americans versus the tension of them obviously being aliens. 

It's a great sketch premise. I imagine that it is a premise that Dan Akroyd had in mind for many years before he got his big break on SNL. It has the feel of something improvised on stage at Groundlings or Second City show. On SNL that improvised vibe fueled the 5 to 6 minute sketches with one character entering the world of the Coneheads and obliviously accepting the premise that these are normal suburban parents or someone growing more and more frustrated in their attempt to prove that they are aliens. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: War Inc

War Inc (2008) 

Directed by Joshua Seftel

Written by John Cusack, Mark Leyner, Jeremy Pikser

Starring John Cusack, Hillary Duff, Marisa Tomei, Dan Akroyd

Release Date May 23rd, 2008

Published November 12th, 2008

Mention the plot of War, Inc. and inevitably people flash back to the cult classic Grosse Point Blank. That was the last time that John Cusack played a black clad hetmans who is re-humanized by falling in love. War, Inc. finds Cusack once again as a black clad hit man, cold blooded when we meet him but neurotic enough that a good woman could straighten him out and make him  a better man. So why does Grosse Point Blank work so very well and War, Inc. fail? Read on dear reader.

In War, Inc. John Cusack plays Brand Hauser, a hit man on hire by corporations for military assassinations. You see, in this future world there are no more countries or states of power, only corporations with their own agendas and military arms. One of these unnamed corporations is run by a former Vice President (Dan Akroyd) who looks strangely familiar with his thinning white hair and sailor talk.

The former VP has hired Brand to go to one of the -Istan countries where war has brought peace and hardcore capitalism, at least within the safety of the countries largest city. Outside that safe zone the strife and death is rather horrifying. Brand is sent in to kill a leader of a different country who wants to build an oil pipeline without the aid of the corporation.

Brand's cover is that he is a producer behind a huge international trade show meant to show the world the importance of capitalism and corporate branding. The signature event of the show will be a western style marriage for the countries top pop star Yonica Babyyeah (Hillary Duff). Hauser is to kill his target and make sure the wedding comes off without a hitch, but why does the pop star freak him out so much?

Meanwhile, Hauser becomes infatuated with a crusading journalist who wants to expose what is happening beyond the safety of the so called Emerald Zone. She is Natalie (Marisa Tomei) and though she suspects Hauser is just playing her off to keep her from writing what she wants she eventually see's the wounded man-child he truly is, as well as his darker side.

War, Inc. is the brainchild of writers Mark Leyner and Jeremy Pikser and director Joshua Seftel who envision a future not entirely unlike the imaginings of a William Gibson or Phillip K. Dick. The movie has all of the paranoia and subtext of classic sci fi without the actual sci-fi. It's a deeply cynical, dyspeptic take on our current government and it's approach to the middle east without the subtlety that made Gibson or Dick so brilliant.

All of the punches thrown by War, Inc. in the direction of the Bush Administration foreign policy are obvious and relatively unfunny. Even if you agree that corporate greed and our current foreign policy are scary, the shots taken at them in War, Inc. are too obvious and heavy handed to draw anything more than a smile of recognition. 

John Cusack is both a clear choice for this role and a strange one. He fits the role like a glove but it's because he's played it before and far better than this. What is there to differentiate this hit man from his Grosse Point Blank hit man? A name? They have the same philosophy, killing without the interference of state or ideology.

They have the same neuroses as well, Martin deals with his in therapy, Brand with long talks with his On Star rep in his Humvee. Brand does have the quirk of drinking hot sauce but most of the major differences don't work in this movies favor. Where Grosse Point Blank was sly and stylish with a kickass soundtrack, War, Inc. is lumbering, predictable and heavy-handed.

War, Inc. wants to be edgy, violent satire. Instead we get a cynical, predictable trip through the muck of a muddy satire taking obvious shots at broad as a barn topics and missing as often as it hits. John Cusack remains a charismatic presence and Hillary Duff has never been this good but they are lost and adrift in this smug, wannabe satire.

Why rent this John Cusack hit man movie when you could get Grosse Point Blank?

Movie Review: Yogi Bear

Yogi Bear (2010) 

Directed by Eric Brevig

Written by Brad Copeland, Joshua Sternin, Jeffrey Ventimilia 

Starring Dan Akroyd, Justin Timberlake, Anna Faris, Tom Cavanaugh, T.J Miller

Release Date December 17th, 2010 

Published December 19th, 2010

Straight to the point, Yogi is a talking bear living in Jellystone Park with his pal Boo Boo. Together, they execute radical schemes to steal picnic baskets, or in Yogi's parlance 'pic a nik' baskets, from park patrons. Attempting to stop them is Ranger Smith (Tom Cavanaugh) and his doofusy second in command Ranger Jones (T.J Smith). Along for the ride is a nature documentarian named Rachel (Anna Faris) with whom Ranger Smith has puppy dog crush.

Those are the good guys just having fun with Yogi's shenanigans while keeping the park open. The bad guys are Mayor Brown (Andrew Daly) and his sycophant Chief of Staff (Nate Corddry). They plan to plug the holes they created in the budget with their extravagant spending by closing Jellystone Park and selling the forest to logging interests.

Naturally, the good guys will have to try and stop the bad guys and along the way many more shenanigans will occur, people and bears will fall down and big laughs will be had by all. Give credit to director Eric Brevig, his narrative is clean, concise and to the point. That's better than a lot of other kid’s movies that waste a lot of time just to fill feature length.

So, is “Yogi Bear” funny? Yes, at times all of the goofy effects come together to create moments that you cannot help but laugh at. Also, Tom Cavanaugh is an actor that, for me anyway, has an endless amount of charm even when saddled with a CGI talking bear and T.J Miller. Anna Faris is sweet and cute and can pull off a pretty good flying tackle while pretending to be a snow leopard, I'm not kidding.

There are minor pleasures to be found in “Yogi Bear,” not the least of which is in the special effects which have become so commonplace that even an effect as ridiculous as Yogi and Boo Boo melts into the background and becomes unquestionably part of the action. I'm not saying the effects are great but merely that you can accept them with ease and that's rather something isn't it.

In the end, you could take your kids to something far worse than “Yogi Bear” a goofy but inoffensive little movie with an appealing cast, a few minor laughs and best of all, a throwback cartoon short at the beginning. Right in front of Yogi is a terrific little Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon that puts you in just the right mood for the low watt loopiness of “Yogi Bear.”

Movie Review I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Written by Barry Fanaro, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor 

Starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Jessica Biel, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, Dan Akroyd

Release Date July 20th, 2007

Published July 20th, 2007

For every little bit of progress Adam Sandler makes as an actor; he seems to take one step back. His performance earlier this year in the 9/11 drama Reign Over Me was a tremendous step forward for Sandler as an actor, if a bit of a step down from his usual box office stature. Like his very impressive turn in P.T Anderson's Punch Drunk Love which Sandler followed with the juvenile animated effort 8 Crazy Nights and the dull, unfunny rage of Anger Management, Sandler chooses to follow Reign Over Me with the childish attempt at P.C laughs in stereotypical clothes, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Larry Valentine has a big problem. As a firefighter who rushes into the blaze to save lives, his life is often on the line. His work is very dangerous and with two kids at home to take care of, Larry wants to make sure they get his pension should something happen to him. Unfortunately, a paperwork snafu, in the wake of his wife's untimely death, has left Larry in a real bind. Should he be killed in action, his kids won't get his pension unless he gets married.

Unfortunately for Larry, there is only one person he would trust enough to make sure his kids were taken care of. his lifelong pal, Chuck Levine. This is where Larry crafts a real hairbrained scheme. Seeing a story in the paper about how the city of New York has legalized domestic partnerships for gay couples, Larry gets the idea to marry his pal Chuck.

Chuck is not exactly the ideal choice for this scam. He has a rather legendary reputation as a ladies man. In fact, when we first meet Chuck a pair of sexy twin sisters are fighting over him after he slept with both of them. Later, when Larry goes to tell Chuck his plan, he interrupts him while he is romancing several women at the same time.

Nevertheless, Chuck owes Larry his life after a fire call went bad, so he agrees and the two head for Canada to make it legal. Things get complicated when the city challenges the authenticity of their relationship and Larry hires a sexy lawyer named Alex (Jessica Biel) who immediately strikes a chord with Chuck and puts the whole scheme on thin ice.

This being a typical, brainless Adam Sandler effort you expect and get just about every stereotype known to man thrown in as comic asides. However, surprisingly enough, the biggest problem with I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is not insensitivity, the film actually offers a pro gay agenda. Rather, the problem is much simpler than that. It's just not a very well made movie.

Directed by Adam Sandler's pet director Dennis Dugan (Big Daddy, Happy Gilmore), I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry never establishes a solid tone or any kind of charm. The film is crude and resorts more often to dull slapstick than to anything organically plot driven. The plot should be the focus, it's a big broad topic with many opportunities for satire. That, sadly, is well beyond the intellectual scope of Dugan and Sandler.

While there will be many who will be offended by the many stereotypes at use in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, you will be surprised how fairminded and pro gay the film really is. Though the support is shallow because of the gutless direction of Dennis Dugan and the strip mined script by Sandler and Barry Fanaro, the film's heart is in the right place.

What really stinks is that you can see the potential for something a little more thoughtful, deeper and more satisfying. Jim Taylor and Alexander Payne, the team behind Election, About Schmidt and Sideways, delivered a version of this script that, those who have read it, say is sharper and more pointed in its humor and perspective. That version was flamed in favor of a more Sandler friendly version with all of the slapstick and self serving ego indulgences that are Sandler's hallmarks.

My biggest fear was that I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry would be a series of stereotypical jokes with a liberal use of the word f****t. Watching it, that is what we get. However, a heavy dose of positivity manages to balance things out in a very surprising way. That positive feeling however, is not enough to make the film funnier than it is or more believable than it is.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry suffers the ego of its star Adam Sandler who compromises much of what might have worked in the film in favor of fellating his own ego. What a shame, there was a good deal of potential here.

Movie Review: 50 First Dates

50 First Dates (2004) 

Directed by Peter Segal 

Written by George Wing 

Starring Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Blake Clark, Sean Astin, Dan Akroyd, Rob Schneider

Release Date February 13th, 2004

Published February 14th, 2004  

Adam Sandler has charted a strange career trajectory to becoming the highest paid actor in Hollywood. His films have run the gamut from awful to extraordinarily awful.  Then came Punch Drunk Love, Sandler's teaming with indie genius P. T Anderson, an unbelievable transformation into a real actor. Unfortunately, it didn't last. Sandler quickly regressed with the dreadful cartoon 8 Crazy Nights and a pair of mediocre live action comedies, Mr. Deeds and Anger Management. His latest film, 50 First Dates, continues Sandler's weird career twists and turns. A film that combines Sandler's best work since Punch Drunk Love and more of his most juvenile humor.

In 50 First Dates, Sandler is Henry Roth, a ladies man of mythic proportion. His legend is spread by the innumerable woman he meets while living in the vacation capital of Hawaii. Bedding vacationers and sending them off with some story of secret identities, or any other number of lies, Henry does all he can to avoid romantic entanglements. That is, until Henry meets Lucy Whitmore (Drew Barrymore), a flighty blonde teacher who eats at the same café every morning, reading the same Sunday newspaper, wearing the same outfit.

Odd? Indeed, and the explanation is even weirder. It seems Lucy was in an accident a year ago and as a result suffered a head injury that destroyed her short-term memory. Every night when she goes to bed her mind resets to the day of the accident. Her father Marlin (Blake Clark) and brother Doug (Sean Astin), not knowing how to deal with the situation, choose to relive the same day with her until they can find some other way to deal with it.

Despite the complicated nature of Lucy's condition, Henry can't resist her charm and begins finding different ways to introduce himself to her everyday. Eventually he even wins over her family and the romance grows as Henry sets about making Lucy remember him somehow and making her fall in love again everyday.

It's a concept that requires some suspension of disbelief but with Drew Barrymore's performance, that suspension is not hard at all. Barrymore delivers her best performance since she made Sandler somewhat less painful to watch in The Wedding Singer. It is her surprisingly complex, sweet performance that sells the far fetched memory loss concept and helps Sandler raise his game to the point where he actually assuages his usually cocky, doofus persona for a more laid back romantic sweetness that really works for him.

This is still an Adam Sandler film however, and his trademark juvenility is still in place. The difference in this film is that instead of Sandler wallowing in the film’s low humor, director Peter Seagal and writer George Wing smartly lay the film’s worst jokes on the supporting cast. That includes Sean Astin, lowering himself from the Oscar caliber Lord of The Rings to a subpar subplot as Barrymore's steroid abusing brother and Lusia Strus, an asexual security guard. Sandler's usual backup guys like Rob Schneider and Allen Covert are also along for the ride.

These subplots don't work but written with some distance from the main romantic plot, they do allow Sandler some separation from his usual antics allowing him to focus on being a likable, believable romantic lead. He pulls it off with romantic flourish, and an acceptable amount of sappy sentimental romance.

This Valentine's treat is one of the better romantic comedies of the last few years. In a genre that has suffered from formulaic plots and tired clichés it's not hard for a film like 50 First Dates to stand out. Still, I must give Sandler credit, when he wants to he can surprise you.

Movie Review: Crossroads

Crossroads (2002) 

Directed by Tamra Davis 

Written by Shonda Rhimes 

Starring Britney Spears, Anson Mount, Zoe Saldana, Taryn Manning, Kim Cattrall, Dan Akroyd, Justin Long

Release Date February 15th, 2002

Published February 15th, 2002 

Will pop stars ever learn?

It never fails that every time a pop star gains any kind of popularity their instincts lead them to acting. Madonna, Mandy Moore and Michael Jackson have all made miserable attempts at acting careers. And of course we're all still recovering from the film debuts of N'Sync and Mariah Carey. Now the world’s flavor of the decade, Britney Spears, has made her crossover attempt with the pop flavored Crossroads.

Britney is Lucy, the virginal valedictorian with a voice like an angel. On the day of her high school graduation Lucy reunites with old friends to unearth a box of childhood memories buried 10 years earlier. It seems Lucy and her friends Mimi (Taryn Manning) and Kit (Zoey Saldana) have grown apart in the last 10 years but now are coming back together for a road trip to L.A. so Mimi can become a rock star and Lucy can find the mother who abandoned her when she was just 3 years old.

So, now we have combined the road movie with the pop star vehicle, oh could this possibly suck more? Well in fact yes, yes it can and does suck even more. Lucy finally finds her mother who is played by Sex & The City's Kim Cattrall, and we are treated to one of the most stupid, mean and contrived situations this side of daytime soap operas. Lucy meets her mother and rather than go with what should be the film’s dramatic high-point, the film cuts to her friends hanging out a local hotel and Lucy returning crying as she explains that her mother hates her and wishes she was never born. How fun!

To be fair, Britney is good at eliciting sympathy. Her acting leaves a good deal to desire but she's far better than fellow pop tarts Mandy Moore and Mariah Carey. What is most striking is how young Britney looks. She is reportedly 21 years old in real life, but in the film her character is 18 and she looks about 14. That's both blessing and a curse in some ways, as her remarkable youth is a tad unnerving considering where the plot is going and considering what I am about to discuss. 

Not surprisingly, there are a couple of gratuitous shots meant to appeal to horny young boys. Britney prances around in her underwear twice in the first 20 minutes of the film. I must give Britney credit for bravely risking her virginal reputation by allowing her character to be deflowered in the film. I certainly didn't expect or really desire to see this but here we are. Britney's journey is arriving where she's going to have sex for the first time. 

The saddest thing about the film is it’s inclusion of Jeepers Creepers star Justin Long in the throwaway role of Britney's first boyfriend. Long is a tremendous comic actor as he's shows on NBC's highly underrated Ed. In Crossroads, Long appears in the film’s first 20 minutes, providing the film’s only funny moments and then is eschewed in favor of the more teeny bop, test screened hunk Anson Mount whose performance is extremely dull in comparison to the animated, funny turn by Long.'

Crossroads is as awful as we all thought it would be, and Britney, I hope, will go back to her day job. But she can do so knowing at least this was better than Glitter.