Movie Review The Guardian

The Guardian (2006) 

Directed by Andrew Davis 

Written by Ron L. Brinkerhoff

Starring Kevin Costner, Ashton Kutcher, Sela Ward, Melissa Sagemiller, Clancy Brown, Omari Hardwick

Release Date September 29th, 2006 

Published September 29th, 2006 

Kevin Costner is maturing quite well into his elder statesman role. He has turned in a series of strong older leading man performances in Open Range, The Upside of Anger and he was the only appealing element of the abysmal romantic comedy Rumor has It. Costner's latest picture may be his most obvious transitional work. As a coast guard trainer to upstart Ashton Kutcher's rescue swimmer trainee, Costner is seen in The Guardian as passing the torch to a new generation.

If that last line isn't indication enough of the cheeseball nature of The Guardian wait till you hear the Bryan Adams tune that closes this eye rolling action adventure.

Kevin Costner stars in The Guardian as Senior Chief Ben Randall, a coast guard rescue swimmer. It is Ben's job to jump from helicopters into the roiling waters of the Bering Sea off the coast of Alaska and save lives. As a near 20 year veteran, no one has saved nearly as many lives. Sadly for Ben his latest mission led to a tragic accident that killed his entire crew, including his closest friend.

Washed out to the Coast Guard's elite training facility called A School, Ben is forced to give up rescue swimming in favor of training the next generation of swimmers. Amongst the new recruits is a brash former high school swimming champion named Jake Fischer. A hot head who lacks leadership and teamwork skills, Fischer clashes immediately with his new mentor.

No points for guessing that the adversarial relationship between Ben and Jake eventually comes to grudging respect to fatherly protectiveness before they are finally ready to save lives together. Yes, The Guardian as directed by Andrew Davis (The Fugitive); is as predictable as a road map. That said, the action on the high seas, the dangerous windswept life saving moments are more often than not very exciting.

Andrew Davis knows his way around great action from the train escape sequence in The Fugitive to the explosions of the otherwise awful Arnold Schwarzenneger flick Collateral Damage to the high seas action of The Guardian. It's the other aspects of direction, character, plot, tone, where Davis struggles as a director.

Working from a script by Ron Brinkerhoff, whose only other credit is the straight to video Sly Stallone pic D-Tox, Davis crafts a film that is part big action and part cheeseball kitsch. Every critic in the country has mentioned the obvious parallels between The Guardian and other military male bonding flicks like Top Gun, An Officer and A Gentleman and the oft forgotten De Niro flick Men Of Honor. The Guardian does nothing to separate itself from these films, heavily lifting from each with no regard for originality.

The Guardian had me rolling my eyes early on as we met Ben Randell's wife played by Sela Ward. If you guessed that Randall is one of those married to his job types and because of that his wife is leaving him; well, of course, you're right. This is such an obvious and obligatory scene, Ward's character moving her things out of their shared home, that it almost seems intentionally humorous. Almost.

Despite the predictability, despite the cheeseball way that director Andrew Davis rips off other similar films, I still found myself wrapped up in The Guardian. The action on the high seas is edge of your seat stuff with some terrifically well integrated CGI effects and a pair of game if waterlogged stars. Costner and Kutcher play well off of each other in the action scenes, really playing up the father-son dynamic of their relationship.

The film also has a credible, if not exactly smoking hot, romance for Kutcher's Jake Fischer. Melissa Sagemiller plays Emily; a school teacher who falls for Jake despite knowing that he will be shipped far away from where they meet, at the training school. The scenes between Kutcher and Sagemiller  begin with yet another of those predictable, been there done that moments, one where the cocky cadet bets his pals he can pick up the hottest girl in the bar in under a minute. It's a cheesy, eye rolling start, but these likable actors manage to make the romance work because they have pretty good chemistry.

Movie Review Mr Woodcock

Mr. Woodcock (2007) 

Directed by Craig Gillespie 

Written by Michael Carnes, Josh Gilbert 

Starring Billy Bob Thornton, Seann William Scott, Susan Sarandon, Ethan Suplee, Amy Poehler, Melissa Sagemiller 

Release Date September 14th, 2007 

Published September 13th, 2007 

Billy Bob Thornton has managed the art of being a curmudgeon like no actor since the late George C. Scott. Thornton's every expression is a pained movement he is forced into by having to interact with others. This expertise in being a curmudgeon served him well as the drunken Santa Claus in Bad Santa. However, that same curmudgeon act was a bore in the 2005 remake of The Bad News Bears.

Now, Thornton brings his curmudgeon act to a new comedy called Mr. Woodcock and like Bad News Bears, the context fails to make the act funny. Rather, what we get in Mr. Woodcock is Thornton as a truly thorny character whom we never enjoy watching and who offers few moments of levity. Kind of an odd character for a comedy, don't you think?

John Farley (Seann William Scott) was traumatized as a kid by a sadistic gym teacher. That teacher was Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton) and just over a decade since he delighted in tormenting chubby young John Farley, he's entering his life again. John, now a successful self help guru; with a popular book about letting go of painful memories, returns to his Nebraska home town to visit his mother (Susan) and to his horror, finds mom is dating Mr. Woodcock.

This sets up a confrontation between John and Mr. Woodcock that should be a hilarious battle of wills? Or, maybe a comedy of misunderstandings? No. Maybe? Hmm. How about a slapstick comedy or a gross out comedy? No. In fact, Mr. Woodcock isn't really much of a comedy at all. Don't get me wrong, I sensed an intent on the part of director Craig Gillespie for Mr. Woodcock to be a comedy, it's just not funny.

Billy Bob Thornton is believably cruel and sadistic as the evil old gym teacher. However, he is in fact so convincing and so dispiriting that he sucks the comic life right out of the movie. Woodcock is such a jerk that there is simply no joy to be taken from watching him. This leaves Seann William Scott's John to carry all of the film's humor and in this character he just can't do it, not many actors could.

Where, in the American Pie movies, and the underrated actioner The Rundown, Seann William Scott showed an energetic comic presence, in Mr. Woodcock, Scott is a wishy washy presence who we never have any respect for. Set up as some kind of Dr. Phil wannabe, Scott's John Farley is no match, at any point, for Billy Bob Thornton's Woodcock.

The only humor in Mr. Woodcock comes in the supporting performances of Ethan Suplee, as one of John Farley's former classmates, and Amy Poehler as John's alcoholic press agent. Yes, Suplee is basically doing  a small variation on his My Name Is Earl sidekick but he is nevertheless a humorous oasis in the comic desert that is Mr. Woodcock.

Ms. Poehler too is only doing a variation of characters we have seen before. What she brings to the role is a sharp energy that though not original, is at the very least funnier than anything else we have to deal with in Mr. Woodcock.

The biggest disappointment in Mr. Woodcock is also in the supporting cast. Susan Surandon plays John's mom and I was left wondering, why? This role holds nothing for Ms. Surandon to do other than be Susan Surandon. Her character has nothing funny to offer, aside from looking rather ridiculous in an oversized dress proclaiming her the Corn Queen of 1970, which admittedly made me smile, briefly.

However, this role could have been played by any number of different actresses without affecting the role in any way. Susan Surandon is far too big a star for such a throwaway role.

Mr. Woodcock is a mean-spirited, unfunny take on the same character Billy Bob Thornton has been playing since he escaped the world of the character actor. The character, to my estimation, is getting less and less funny with every outing and Mr. Thornton would do well to find himself a character who smiles once in a while or is, at the very least, not such a buzzkill.

If he must play a buzzkill there must be some way to make that funny. Mr. Woodcock never finds a way to make this buzzkill funny, he's just a jerk.

Movie Review Love Object

Love Object (2004) 

Directed by Robert Parigi 

Written by Robert Parigi 

Starring Desmond Harrington, Melissa Sagemiller, Rip Torn 

Release Date February 14th, 2004 

Published July 18th, 2004 

I like movies with a twisted sense of humor or morality. Often the best films with that twisted sense of right and wrong, or moral and immoral, break with conventional Hollywood standards of filmmaking and that is always a welcome sight.

However, being different and having that twisted sense is not entirely enough. A film must still be well made and entertaining. The new video Love Object has that twisted quality but is lacking a number of essential elements in great filmmaking.

Desmond Harrington, best known as Eliza Dushku's love interest in Wrong Turn, stars as Kenneth, an office drone who writes instruction manuals and little else. Kenneth is quiet and unassuming with that creepy quality people always describe after they find their quiet neighbor was hiding severed heads in his fridge. Regardless of Kenneth's lacking social skills, his boss Mr. Novak (Rip Torn) respects his ability to get the job done fast and for his next assignment gives Kenneth his first assistant.

The assistant is a beautiful blonde temp typist named Lisa (Melissa Sagemiller, Soul Survivor). She is also quiet and unassuming but far less creepy than Kenneth. Lisa has that librarian quality, dowdy with the potential to be a hotty. That is certainly the quality that Kenneth sees in Lisa as he begins fantasizing about her.

Kenneth's fantasies are stoked by another new friend, an inanimate sex doll. After overhearing some guys at work describe this love doll, Kenneth orders one, customized to resemble Lisa. From there things only get weirder. Lisa is honestly attracted to Kenneth and he seems to resemble a normal human being for a time until he stops customizing the doll and begins customizing Lisa, buying her clothes and making her resemble the doll.

For a time the film, written and directed by Robert Parigi, reminds us a lot of last year’s best film, the horror film May. However this script is not as clever as Lucky McKee's and Desmond Harrington lacks the sympathetic sadness of Angela Bettis. Harrington never develops that unique quality to make you feel for him while he does things that go against anything you should ever have sympathy for. The film is also far more predictable than May, until its ending where Love Object takes a twist that is entirely off the wall but not in a good way.

For her part Melissa Sagemiller is admirable in a very underwritten role. The focus of the film is unquestionably on Harrington and that leaves little room for Sagemiller to make an impression aside from being very attractive.

Behind the camera for the first time, Robert Parigi does create a terrifically subversive atmosphere but he just can't maintain it. There is some good stuff in there but in the end Love Object is an occasionally creepy, weird funny movie but also derivative and by the end completely over the top and off-putting.

Movie Review Sorority Boys

Sorority Boys (2002) 

Directed by Wallace Wolodarsky

Written by Greg Coolidge

Starring Barry Watson, Michael Rosenbaum, Harland Williams, Melissa Sagemiller, Heather Matarazzo, Brian Posehn 

Release Date March 22nd, 2002

Published March 23rd, 2002 

I used to like college-based comedy. Films like Back to School and PCU are charming, funny films. But in 2002 we were treated to the genre at its worst with the god-awful Slackers and the shockingly worse Sorority Boys.

After getting kicked out of their fraternity, three idiot friends get the brilliant idea to dress up like girls and join a sorority. Barry Watson from TV's 7th Heaven is the lead doofus, backed up by Michael Rosenbaum from TV's Smallville and comedian Harland Williams. The guys aren't attractive enough to join a good sorority so they join a Sorority known as the doghouse. Because the girls are ugly, get it???

If you haven't already figured it out, our previously loutish leads will learn the lesson of not judging a book by its cover. They learn this oh-so original after school special message from your typical Hollywood group of girls who are only unattractive because the script says they are. Watson's love interest is Soul Survivor star Melissa Sagemiller, who is unattractive because she gets good grades and wears glasses.

There is not one original moment in this film, nor is there even one good chuckle. The film should have gone straight to the WB network as a marketing tie-in for its talented stars' more appealing series work. Both 7th Heaven and Smallville have more originality in the opening credits than Sorority Boys has in its entire 90-minute runtime.