Movie Review: Burlesque

Burlesque (2010) 

Directed by Steven Antin

Written by Steven Antin

Starring Cher, Christina Aguilera, Kristen Bell, Cam Gigandet, Stanley Tucci

Release Date November 24th, 2010

Published November 23rd, 2010 

There is a near overdose of camp in Steven Antin's “Burlesque.” Whether it's Cher or Christina Aguilera or a story of a small town girl in the big city with big dreams, everything seems to come up kitsch in this tremendously familiar story. Camp is not such a bad thing; especially when it is accompanied by some good tunes and some big unintended laughs.

Christina Aguilera takes the role of the typical small town girl with the surprisingly big voice and even bigger dreams (blech). Ms. Aguilera plays Ali who escapes her tiny Iowa town for the bright lights of Los Angeles where she hopes to find work as a back up singer or dancer. One day as she is wandering the streets with what is apparently a 'dancers wanted' newspaper page in hand, Ali comes across a place called Burlesque.

Inside there is a show going on starring the club's owner Tess (Cher) who literally sings as Aly walks in "Welcome to Burlesque.". At the bar Ali meets Jack (Cam Gigandet) who strikes up a flirtation hindered by the fact that she thinks he's gay. Taken backstage she begs for a job and ends up a waitress. Eventually, Ali ends up on stage and blah, blah, blah.

”Burlesque” is not about plot, it's about massive excess and outrageous everything. “Burlesque” is pure camp from the ludicrously cheeseball story to the outlandish stage presentation and especially to the friendship between Tess and her gay best friend Sean (Stanley Tucci) which is every stereotypical gay man's wet dream. The camp is at near overdose level from beginning to end in “Burlesque” and it's up to you if that is a good or bad thing.

Myself, I enjoyed “Burlesque” in the sort of so bad its good fashion. My favorite part is how the club is suffering serious financial troubles and may be about to close. I'm just guessing here but I think the reason the club is going under is because they spend as much on massive stage spectacles as your average Broadway spectacular and their wardrobe budget likely exceeds the mortgage on the building which allegedly houses this club. Hell, the wig budget alone could probably pay off what is owed to keep the club open.

We aren't supposed to think practically about what happens in “Burlesque” and really why would we? There is no reality even attempting to take hold in this fabulized version of “The Wizard of Oz” crossed with “A Star Is Born.” Someone in the media described “Burlesque” as a 'gay fantasia' and really I cannot top that word perfect description of “Burlesque.”

I could complain that Cam Gigandet is miscast or that Alan Cumming is in the cast but barely used and that Kristen Bell is far too cardboard to be a proper villainess but none of that matters and by the end I didn't care about the movie-ish things that were wrong with “Burlesque;” I was too busy smiling and giggling to care about practicalities.

”Burlesque” is just self serious enough to pity and self aware enough not to be completely terrible. I think all involved had an idea that they were creating kitsch but hedged a little in hope that maybe there was a chance it could all be taken seriously. It cannot be taken seriously but it still works in its very unique, camp fashion. You have to be a fan of over the top, so bad its good fun to enjoy “Burlesque” but if that is your humor, you will love this movie.

By the way, does anybody know if Cher is a fan of the musical “Dreamgirls?” I ask because in “Burlesque” Cher sings a song called “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” that is a near perfect knock off of Effie’s “And I’m Telling You, I’m Not Going.” Knock off or not, the song shows that Cher probably could pull off that extraordinarily difficult “Dreamgirls” standard even at 62 years old. That alone might be worth the price of admission to “Burlesque.”

Movie Review Pandorum

Pandorum (2009) 

Directed by Christian Alvart 

Written by Travis Malloy

Starring Ben Foster, Dennis Quaid, Cam Gigandet, Antje Traue, Cung Le, Eddie Rouse

Release Date September 25th, 2009 

Published September 25th, 2009 

Pandorum, we are told during the movie of that title, is a form of mental illness that develops from prolonged exposure to the nothingness of space. The crew of the Elysium space ship are more than a little prone to this ailment. Their trip is longer than any man has ever undertaken and there is no going back, Earth is gone.

As we join the story, the Elysium crew is informed that they are the last of humanity. From there we are shot into the future, how far is part of the film's mystery plot. In a hypersleep pod awakens Cpl. Bowers (Ben Foster). He has no idea who he is or where he is, only the vague notion that he has a mission. Next to him in another pod is Lt. Payton (Dennis Quaid). He is supposed to be the ship's captain when it is his turn but finds himself and Bowers trapped in one room far from the control room.

Bowers soon has escaped through an air duct to search for help and finds himself in the middle of what can only be described as an alien invasion. Worse yet? These are zombie-cannibal aliens with a deep need for human flesh. With the ship hurtling toward nowhere, Bowers needs to crank up the engines for survival all the while avoiding getting eaten.

On his journey Bowers meets Nadia (Antje Traue) a ship's scientist turned survivalist and Manh (Cung Le) a member of the crew's foreign contingent; he speaks no English. These three alternately save each other's lives and call on one another to run away quickly from danger.

Meanwhile, Lt. Payton is joined in his little corner of the ship by Lt. Gallo (Cam Gigandet). He comes in the same way Bowers escaped only Gallo is covered in blood and balling like a small child with a skinned knee. He has an idea of what happened to the rest of the crew but may be too far gone mentally to help. Worse, his illness may in fact be Pandorum which points to one very disturbing reason for his being covered in blood.

Pandorum is directed with some flair by newcomer Christian Alvert. Alvert bathes the familiar plot inside his talent for atmosphere and tension. It's not until you leave the theater and really reflect on the movie that you realize how much of the story adds up to different characters yelling 'RUN'.

While you are watching Pandorum however, it's easy to get swept along by its creepy I Am Legend meets Alien plot. Dennis Quaid is his usual stabilizing, fatherly presence, even as he starts to lose it at the end. And Ben Foster is a surprisingly effective lead. Taking strong advantage of his odd vibe, Foster turns his weakness, skinny-nerdiness with a dash of creep, into a strength, his heroism is so unexpected.

He sparks well off of Traue's Nadia and their rather perfunctory scenes together take on a bit of life beyond all the running and the yelling of the word run.

If Pandorum comes up short for most audiences it is really more in the faded glow after it's over. While it's on, it is effective and compelling. Well acted, atmospheric and rarely boring. That may not be enough for some audiences, those who cannot endure the post show disappointment that comes from being hoodwinked, but for the forgiving audience, Pandorum is kind of fun while it lasts.

Movie Review Never Back Down

Never Back Down (2008) 

Directed by Jeff Wadlow 

Written by Chris Hauty 

Starring Sean Faris, Cam Gigandet, Evan Peters, Djimon Hounsou 

Release Date March 14th, 2008

Published March 15th, 2008 

It is fair to wonder, as we watch the stream of PG-13 garbage like Never Back Down roll out, could someone like Ralph Macchio even have a chance of being a lead actor today? Looking over the last five years worth of movies even remotely similar to Macchio's teen fluff of the 80's you find nothing but buffed up, gap models.

Moreover, rarely do you see someone who might be, to adopt the vernacular of the casually racist, too ethnic. Ralph Macchio, with that hint of olive in his skin and slight northeast accent, would likely be left to fend for a best friend role. Daniel son in the 2008 version would likely be played by Sean Faris.

Jake Tyler (Sean Faris) was a hotshot football star at his little high school in Iowa. Now however, as his mother moves him and his little sister to Tampa Florida, he is ready to leave football behind and settle into high school anonymity. His hopes of becoming a wallflower disappear however when he falls for a hottie named Baja (Amber Heard) who happens to be the girlfriend of the school bully.

He is Ryan McCarthy (Cam Gigandet) and he runs the school by beating the crap out of people. He holds underground mixed martial arts contests and is the undisputed king of the school. For Jake to win Baja's heart and change the landscape of the school he must train and become the new, benevolent, king of the school. To do that he seeks out the help of an ex-MMA champ turned gym owner (Djimon Hounsou) who trains him and becomes something of a father figure.

I'm sure many critics made the connection between Never Back Down and The Karate Kid but it bears repeating. That film starred Ralph Macchio as the picture of innocence, a sweet youngster who, through the teachings of Mr. Miyagi, finds confidence and inner strength through beating people up. Never Back Down is the exact same formula, right down to stealing the bad guy's girl, but with better looking actors and the fad of mixed martial arts.

Djimon Hounsou is a much more female friendly version of Mr. Myagi with his chiseled physique and exotic accent. And Amber Head's lolita like Baja, dressed only in short skirts and tight bikinis, a stark contrast to Elizabeth Shue's charming innocence and love of fluffy sweaters tied at the shoulder. Finally, there is star Sean Faris who plays the Daniel character only with more muscles and less.... Ethnicity.

Mixed Martial Arts is having its moment in the cultural spotlight and seems likely to carve out a small place for itself. In that sense, Never Back Down is certainly timely if not in any way original. Of course, MMA is merely a cultural touchstone for Never Back Down not really a milieu. The fights are cut quickly to avoid any actual contact that might mess up the GQ ready faces of the stars.

Think I'm exaggerating? Check out one of the fight scenes in Never Back Down and the scene that follows. After repeatedly pounding one another, fighters arrive at school the next day with a bandaid over an eye minus any visible bruise, cuts or contusions. While you're at it, find yourself a real MMA fighter, you aren't likely to find one who looks much like Sean Faris or Cam Gigandot.

To ask for realism from any movie, let alone a lame little teen movie is admittedly, ludicrous. But equally as ludicrous is a fight movie starring guys who look as if they have never been in a fight before. Say what you will about the waifish innocence of Ralph Macchio, each time he fought in The Karate Kid he came out looking like he had been in a fight.

Karate Kid was a modest pop melodrama but everything about it is superior to Never Back Down. In fact Karate Kid puts the lie to Never Back Down in every way imaginable. Where one has characters we believe and come to care about, the other has cardboard cutouts borrowed from body spray commercials. 

Movie Review: The Roommate

The Roommate (2011) 

Directed by Christian E Christiansen 

Written by Sonny Malhi 

Starring Leighton Meester, Minka Kelly, Cam Gigandet, Aly Michalka, Daneel Harris, Billy Zane 

Release Date February 4th, 2011 

Published February 3rd, 2011 

It's odd to think of a little movie like “Single White Female” and deem it iconic. Yet, there are few women in the past 20 years who have moved in with another woman and not thought for a brief moment of the potential for a Bridget Fonda/Jennifer Jason Leigh scenario before laughing it off. ”Single White Female” was nothing all that new or inventive; rather it was simply more stylish and well acted than many similar genre efforts. 

In an attempt to recreate that iconic style and culturally relevant kitsch, the makers of the new thriller “The Roommate” have offered us a copy of “Single White Female,” a black and white, low-light copy from a machine that is low on toner. ”Friday Night Lights” star Minka Kelly is “The Roommate” of the title, Sara Matthews. Sara is a daughter of privilege from Los Angeles who is attending a nameless L.A College to get out from under her parents watchful eyes. 

Sara's college roommate is Rebecca (“Gossip Girl's” Leighton Meester), fresh off the bus from Des Moines, Iowa and hoping to make it as a big city fashion designer. Sara and Rebecca are fast friends but others are quick to see Sara's dark side. Tracy (Aly Michalka), for one, is immediately creeped out by Sara's too friendly demeanor, and is soon avoiding Rebecca at Sara's warning. Meanwhile, Rebecca meets and falls for Stephen (Cam Gigandet) and while he doesn't have any dangerous encounters with Sara, we witness her stalking him in the library without his knowledge.

Every scene in “The Roommate” coheres to a similar scene in “Single White Female” right down to a murder committed by the psycho roommate while in the guise of the non-psycho roommate. Remakes are becoming relatively typical but are we truly far enough away from a movie like “Single White Female,” which was released in 1992, for a complete rehash? Taken on its own “The Roommate” is flat and joyless; an exercise in tedium that lacks not merely in originality but in any kind of invention. Even those unfamiliar with “Single White Female” will assume the beats of this story and easily determine the simpleminded 'twists' well before they turn.

”Single White Female”, at the very least, was not afraid of being trashy, indeed, that film traded in high class trash to become iconic of its brand of thriller. “The Roommate” could have used a little trashiness to dress up these flat, boring characters. Instead, with a PG-13 rating the closest we get to trashy is the sight of one character's belly ring in a shower scene.

I don't mean to come off perverted but when you trade in stock characters, unambitious dialogue, and a boring, overly familiar plot, the least you could do is trash it up with stronger girl fights and a little more bare flesh. If you are going to bore us to tears with a mere rehash of a better movie at least dress it down with some high class campy trash. Is that too much to ask?