Classic Movie Review Less Than Zero

Less Than Zero (1987) 

Directed by Marek Kanievska 

Written by Harley Peyton

Starring Andrew McCarthy, Jami Gertz, Robert Downey Jr. 

Release Date November 6th, 1987 

I am rather obsessed with the title Less than Zero. I can’t seem to figure out exactly what it signifies. I know that the title of the 1987 movie comes from the title of Elvis Costello’s debut single of the same title but neither the movie or the book by Bret Easton Ellis has anything to do with the song. The song isn’t even included in the movie or on its bestselling soundtrack record. Costello gives few contextual clues as to what he means when he says Less than Zero and thus the title remains mysterious and elusive. It exists in the realm of sounding ‘cool.’

Andrew McCarthy stars in Less than Zero as yet another of his young yuppie caricatures. Clay is a strait-laced Angelino who left the West Coast to get away from the meaninglessness of life in the pre-fab Cali suburbs. Clay is called back to Los Angeles, however, after his cheating girlfriend Blair (Jamie Gertz) leaves a frantic phone message for him regarding his best friend Julian (Robert Downey Jr.). Clay is wary of the call as Blair had cheated on him with Julian just weeks after he’d left for his Ivy League college.

Returning to Los Angeles, Clay is immediately thrust back into the fake stares and fake friendships of Los Angeles drug culture. This is a place where everyone is your friend and no one is your friend depending on your proximity to the drug of choice, Cocaine. Clay is liked by everyone, but everyone is aware that his leaving for the East Coast was a good idea as his lack of a crippling drug dependency keeps him at a distance from his West Coast brethren.

When Clay finds Julian, he quickly uncovers that Julian, whose father had given him thousands of dollars to break into the record producer biz, blew all of his dad’s cash on his cocaine habit. Julian’s dealer, Rip (James Spader at his snake-y best), has extended Julian credit to buy drugs but is now looking at ways to collect his debt that go beyond the money Julian no longer has. As Clay gets sucked into Julian’s downward spiral, he is able to resist the drugs but not his empathy for his childhood friend, a weakness that proves nearly as destructive as the drugs.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal 

Classic Movie Review Barfly

Barfly (1987) 

Directed by Barbet Schroeder 

Written by Charles Bukowski 

Starring Mickey Rourke, Faye Dunaway, Alice Krige 

Release Date October 16th, 1987

Charles Bukowski’s writing transcends experience. Something about his words can penetrate all life experience. I’ve never been through the gutters that Bukowski frequented, I’ve never even had a drink of alcohol, but there is something so powerful, visceral, and evocative in Bukowski’s skid row poetry, it’s hard not to be moved or have your stomach turned or to smile and not even know why. Bukowski’s naturalism, his vivid realities, speak to human experiences in the most unique ways.

That said, Bukowski’s prose was never thought to be a natural for the big screen. And yet, here we are with Barfly turning 30 years old this weekend. Bukowski wrote the screenplay at the behest of director Barbet Schroder who promised direct the film exactly as Bukowski wrote. It took nearly a decade and the insane producers Menachem Golan and Yoram Globus to make it happen, but Schroder lived up to his promise. Barfly is fully and completely a product of Bukowski.

Mickey Rourke stars in Barfly as Henry Cisnaski, a Bukowski stand in. Henry is a drunk and a bum, but he has the soul of Bukowski. Henry is a writer when the moment strikes him. In the midst of another endless bender, Henry is occasionally inspired and writes short stories that in moments of clarity he sends to publishers. One such publisher is on Henry’s trail throughout Barfly with the help of a detective but that isn’t the story of Barfly.

What story there is in these non-traditional narrative centers on Henry’s relationship with a fellow drunk named Wanda (Faye Dunaway). The two meet in a bar, naturally, and share drunken hard luck stories before she takes advantage of a friend to buy more booze for the two of them. She brings Henry to her apartment, only slightly better than his hovel and invites him to stay but with the warning that she would likely go home one night with a man who could afford booze.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal

Movie Review Three O'Clock High

Three O'clock High (1987) 

Directed by Phil Joanou 

Written by Richard Christian Matheson, Thomas Szollosi 

Starring Casey Siemaszko, Anne Ryan, Richard Tyson, Jeffrey Tambor, Phillip Baker Hall

Release Date October 9th 1987 

Three O’Clock High is a movie about toxic masculinity. It may not have been seen that way in 1987 when the film arrived in theaters, but today there is no denying it. Toxic Masculinity is defined in modern social science as traditionally male behaviors in relation to the expression of dominance. Such behaviors are detrimental to mental health and often times are expressed in actions or behaviors that are sexist, misogynistic, racist, or homophobic. Three O’Clock High ticks almost all of those hateful behaviors in just over 90 minutes of screen time.

It’s not a great day to be Jerry Mitchell (Casey Siemaszko). Jerry woke up late for school, nearly has a devastating car accident with his little sister (Stacy Glick) and best friend (Ann Ryan) in the car and when he arrives at school, his problems are only beginning. A new kid is starting school on this day, a guy named Buddy Revell (Richard Tyson). The stories about Buddy are legendary and range from him having decked a football coach to him having broken a kid’s neck just for touching him.

Jerry, meanwhile, just wants to get through the day but that becomes a challenge when he attempts to engage the new kid, forgetfully pats the new kid on the shoulder and is subsequently challenged to a fight at 3 PM in the school parking lot. The rest of the day is centered on Jerry’s vain attempts at getting out of the fight which include hiring a big tough football player to fight on his behalf, to getting detention for kissing a teacher, to helping the bully cheat on a math test.

None of Jerry’s schemes work because, of course, without the fight at the end of the movie, there isn’t much of anything for the movie to do. Buddy has no nuance to explore, he's just a bully with no real motivation. Jerry, on the other hand, is a dweeb who happens to be the lead in the movie thus giving him secret movie underdog powers that will come in handy during the big fight scene at the end of Three O’Clock High.

That’s your plot and it’s surrounded on all sides by the signposts of Toxic Masculinity. The beef between Jerry and Buddy has the basic hallmarks of gay panic with Jerry making the mistake of trying to start a conversation with Buddy while the two stand at a urinal leading Buddy to ask, in typically 80s fashion, “are you a faggot?” Buddy is quick to deny being gay but then as he attempts to brush past the faux pas, he touches Buddy on the arm and Buddy reacts by calling for the fight.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Facebook

Classic Movie Review House of Games

House of Games (1987) 

Directed by David Mamet 

Written by David Mamet 

Starring Joe Mantegna, Lindsay Crouse 

Release Date October 16th, 1987 

That David Mamet is one of the greatest writers for the stage and film we’ve seen in the past 30 years is well known. But, in 1987, he was a playwright who dabbled in screenwriting, and no one had seen him direct anything not on the stage. Thankfully, Mamet was so in demand that he could make a demand to direct his first film, which debuted 30 years ago this weekend. The movie is called House of Games and Mamet proved that not only was he a master of words, but he could direct the hell out of a movie.

House of Games stars Lindsey Crouse, Mamet’s then wife, as Margaret Ford, a successful psychiatrist and author who is stuck in a rut. The success of her book has her longing for more excitement in her life, as returning to her routine of seeing patients holds little of anything new for her. Even when one of her patients, an inveterate gambler, pulls a gun and threatens to kill himself, Margaret seems non-plussed. She manages to get him to give her the gun, and then finds that he is on the verge of suicide over a debt he owes to a gambler.

Frustrated with her inability to actually affect positive change in her patient, she decides that she might be able to rid him of his debt and give him a chance at recovery. That night, she arrives at a bar, called The House of Games, where she quickly finds the gambler, Mike (Joe Mantegna), who holds her patients’ marker, though the $25,000 he claimed to have owed is only a mere $800.00. Mike offers to wipe the debt clean if Margaret helps him in a poker con against a rich Texan he’s playing against in a back room. She agrees and the real plot of House of Games begins to whir into motion.

Joe Mantegna is a terrific actor, but he's never been better than when directed by his friend, Mamet. Mantegna walked the boards for numerous Mamet productions in Chicago and New York and he understands Mamet’s rhythm in a way that few other actors have ever taken to it. Not the most handsome guy, Mantegna manages to come off sexy in House of Games for the sheer ballsy confidence of his con-man character. When he reads Lindsey Crouse’s tells and explains to her how he knows that she wants to sleep with him more than she wants to write a book about him, it’s a scene as hot as any sex scene.

The dialogue and the con-man theory on display in House of Games is far more important than the film’s plot. When the twist happens at the beginning of the third act, it’s hard to feel sorry for the person who is being conned, as it feels as if it should have been obvious. A scene where the con is laid bare while a character listens from a safe, hidden, distance plays as darkly comic rather than a shocking reveal, and I can’t help but feel that Mamet intends it just that way.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community 

Classic Movie Review The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride (2017) 

Directed by Rob Reiner 

Written by William Goldman 

Starring Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Guest, Wallace Shawn, Robin Wright, Andre the Giant, Billy Crystal Carole Kane

Release Date September 25th, 1987 

Published September 20th, 2017 

The Princess Bride is one of the most rewatchable movies in history. This rich, robust, and homey comedy never ages and never falters. Rob Reiner’s direction, aside from a truly terrible film score, is unassailable in every comedy beat. Then there is the absolutely perfect casting. Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Mandy Patinkin, Andre the Giant, and each of the supporting players, from Chris Sarandon as the evil Prince, Christopher Guest as the evil six-fingered henchman, and Billy Crystal’s cameo as Miracle Max, could not be better.

This weekend, September 25, The Princess Bride turns 30 years old and I am happy to tell you that I have probably seen this movie more than 30 times in that 30 years. The film feels like home to me with these wonderfully erudite characters, their supreme code of conduct, and the wonderfully generous laughs. I can’t call The Princess Bride a perfect movie, once again I will mention that terrible film score, but it’s damn near perfection.

Westley (Cary Elwes) is a young farm boy in the employ of the family of Buttercup (Robin Wright). Though Buttercup attempts to annoy her farm boy with one silly task after another we are told in Peter Falk’s wonderful voiceover that Westley’s constant refrain, "as you wish," to each of her requests is his way of confessing his love for her. Eventually, Buttercup realizes that she’s been annoying him because she’s been trying to hide her feelings for him and the two fall madly in love just as Westley is about to leave.

Westley is to take to the seas to seek his fortune so that he may soon return and give Buttercup the life she richly deserves. Unfortunately, it’s reported that Westley’s ship was attacked by a pirate legend known as the Dread Pirate Roberts and he does not take prisoners. With Westley thought dead, Buttercup becomes distant and lonely and when the Prince (Chris Sarandon) arrives at her door wanting to make the most beautiful girl in the kingdom his future Queen she accepts knowing that she is only giving her body to the task but not her heart.

What Buttercup doesn’t know is that the Prince is merely using her and plans to kill her with his first plan to have her kidnapped and killed in the fields of the rival kingdom of Gilder. The princess’s captors are a wonderful comic mixture with the leader Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) claiming to be the smartest person in the world, while his henchmen, Inigo (Mandy Patinkin) and Fezzik (pro wrestling super-legend Andre the Giant) are the greatest swordsman and the biggest brut in the kingdom respectively.

Read my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Classic Movie Review Fatal Attraction

Fatal Attraction (1987) 

Directed by Adrian Lyne 

Written by James Dearden 

Starring Michael Douglas, Glenn Close, Anne Archer 

Release Date September 18th, 1987 

Published September 17th, 2017 

Fatal Attraction stars Michael Douglas as a seemingly happy husband to Ann Archer and father to an adorable 6-year-old daughter. So why, if he’s so happy, does he decide to cheat on his wife? This questions comes to consume the mind of Alex (Glenn Close), the woman Douglas’ Dan decides to sleep with one night while his wife and daughter are away visiting family in the suburbs. Alex can’t understand why Dan would choose to sleep with her and then retreat back to his marriage.

That Alex is also mentally unbalanced does not help matters. Moments after Dan attempts to leave Alex for good and return to his normal upper middle-class life, Alex attempts to kill herself and Dan, not wanting anyone to find out about his fling, decides he needs to stay the night again to make sure Alex doesn’t die and thus potentially reveal his infidelity in the process. This is a decision he will come to regret as saving Alex’s life only furthers her obsession with him.

Will Dan get up the courage to tell his wife what he has done? Will he do it before Alex’s unhinged behavior becomes dangerous to Dan’s entire family? These are the questions of a very minor, very forgettable sub-genre of thrillers. And yet, somehow Fatal Attraction became a massive hit in 1987 and remains part of the cultural zeitgeist 30 years later. Actress Glenn Close as recently as the 25th Anniversary of the film’s release was still being told that she’d terrified men who saw the film.

Why? Why this movie? Why Fatal Attraction? What is it about this sleazy genre thriller that has lasted this long? What is it that keeps this film in our pop culture memory? It baffles me because I have seen knock off after knock off after knock off of the Fatal Attraction formula and none of them are any good. Certainly there is something to be said for being an original but shouldn’t the movie be better than this to last this long?

Fatal Attraction is a cheap, sleazy, silly thriller with over the top performances and capable but not outstanding direction. Adrian Lyne is a director obsessed with sexual politics but he doesn’t have much depth to his obsession. Lyne’s style is to ask big questions but not give the questions much weight beyond the plot in progress. The big question of Fatal Attraction is ‘What would you do if you were Dan?’ That’s not a very interesting question. Everything that happens to Dan is his own fault and while Lyne seems to want us to sympathize with him as Alex goes on the attack, it’s almost comical how unsympathetic Dan is.

Read my full length review in the Geeks Community at Vocal. 

Classic Movie Review The Pick Up Artist

The Pick Up Artist (1987) 

Directed by James Toback

Written by James Toback 

Starring Molly Ringwald, Robert Downey Jr. 

Release Date September 18th, 1987 

Published September 19th, 2017 

The Pick Up Artist is a bizarrely bad movie of the kind only James Toback seems capable of. This mess of a romantic comedy and a gangster movie attempts to be both conventional and unconventional. Toback’s thing has always been arthouse style talky existentialism with a healthy dose of New York. Watching him try to cram that unusual sensibility into a mainstream movie would be unwatchable were it not for Robert Downey Jr. and Molly Ringwald who, at the very least, remain likable even as they struggle against a director lost in his attempt to serve the commercial and the arty.

Jack Jericho is a pick up artist. He practices his terrible pick up lines in his bathroom mirror before he leaves to run the streets like a dog chasing every squirrel in his field of vision. That Jack plies his trade in the morning before he goes to work as a grade school gym teacher, odd, inexplicable choice of profession aside, makes his aims seem strange from the very beginning. Is Jack looking for dates or sex or both? Writer-Director Toback doesn’t seem to know or very much care.

The comedy for Toback is in Jack’s failing, silly attempts at meeting women. He seems fascinated by Downey chatting up chicks and dedicates much of the first portion of the movie to just listening to Jack try and stay in front of the various women he accosts on the street. In fact, the movie pretty much derails from the very beginning because Toback is more interested in the pick up lines and Downey’s charm than he is in setting up the ludicrous gangster story that is shoehorned into this 82 minute movie.

Read my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Classic Movie Review Hamburger Hill

Hamburger Hill (1987) 

Directed by John Irvin 

Written by James Carabatsos

Starring Michael Boatman, Don Cheadle, Dylan McDermott, Courtney B. Vance 

Release Date August 28th, 1987 

Published August 29th 2017 

There are those who claim that Hamburger Hill is the least remembered of 80s Vietnam movies, a niche genre all its own in that decade, because it was a right wing, reactionary movie intended to defend soldiers. Time has a way of changing perceptions and now that Hamburger Hill is turning 30 years old, it’s interesting to look back on the film and talk about the perceptions of the film and how they’ve evolved over the years and the ways in which guilt, shame and history have altered the way many view Vietnam.

Hamburger Hill tells the story of one company in the midst of a battalion ordered to take a single hill from the North Vietnamese. The hill would come to be called Hamburger Hill because meat may be all that’s left of a soldier after he gets blown away while climbing this ungodly, muddy, and eventually blood-soaked hill. It’s grisly and part of the film’s reputation comes from what the title implies, a gruesomeness that put audiences off just from the title.

The film is gruesome as director John Irvin doesn’t hold back on the blood and guts but where the film’s reputation is somewhat misguided is the notion that that is all Hamburger Hill was, just blood and guts. The film actually takes time to build toward the blood guts. Hamburger Hill has a slow build where you take the time to get used to the young faces and personalities preparing to die on the hill. It’s not until the film’s remarkable third act that the gruesomeness moves to the foreground.

Until the third act the film is relatively tame in terms of violence. Instead we get a warts and all look at these soldiers whom we watch become more and more detached from life back at home and unmoored from the reality around them because death seems so close. The film shines a harsh light on the reality of Vietnam, the way the soldiers were mistreated to the point where us against the world was the only mentality that made any sense.

While people back home accused these soldiers of being bloodthirsty killers, the reality was so much more complicated than that. These were men who were abandoned in Vietnam. Whereas people like Patton, McArthur, and Eisenhower had the weight and experience to give soldiers courage and purpose, the soldiers of Vietnam are rudderless, tools of the government abandoned by a society crumbling from the optimism of the 50s into the greed infested era to come where the divide between rich and poor was often defined by those who went to Vietnam and those rich enough not to have to.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Amazon Women on the Moon

Amazon Women on the Moon (1987) 

Directed by Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horton, John Landis, Robert K. Weiss 

Written by Michael Barrie, Jim Mulholland 

Starring Arsenio Hall, Michelle Pfeiffer, Joe Pantoliano, David Allan Grier, Rosanna Arquette 

Release Date September 18th, 1987 

Published September 18tth, 2017 

One of the first movies I ever reviewed on my podcast, when it was still called I Hate Critics, now Everyone’s a Critic, was a disconcerting sketch comedy movie called Movie 43. The film was a series of appalling short films strung together with no narrative under a title that one could imagine it having been randomly assigned by a movie studio for storage purposes, not intended for theatrical release. That this series of short films starred such actors as Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Richard Gere, Liev Schreiber, and Naomi Watts are the only reason Movie 43 ever saw the light of day.

When I saw Movie 43 I had never even heard of the obscure 1987 comedy Amazon Women on the Moon. I take that back, I did hear of it but I assumed it was some sort of softcore pornographic comedy. I think I may have also confused it with the movie Cannibal Women in the Amazon Jungle of Death, an epically unfunny spoof movie starring Bill Maher, before Politically Incorrect, oddly enough, and Shannon Tweed.

It turns out, Amazon Women on the Moon is everything that Movie 43 wished it could have been, trenchant, hilarious, weird, and just plain fun. Twenty-six years before Movie 43 strung together a random assemblage of movie stars in unfunny short films, writers and directors John Landis, Carl Gottlieb, Robert K. Weiss, and Carl Dante, all born from the Roger Corman school of filmmaking, pulled off the trick Movie 43 so desperately failed at, a ragingly funny sketch comedy movie.

Amazon Women on the Moon consists of 19 short films, some related, some not. The sketches do vary in quality, with Joe Dante really stealing the show in his portions, while Robert K. Weiss struggles a little with the film’s title sketch. Landis and Gottlieb go a far less traditional route with mostly good results, especially Gottlieb’s use of nudity which is wonderfully absurd and genuinely inspired.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Big Easy

The Big Easy (1987) 

Directed by Jim McBride 

Written by Daniel Petrie Jr. 

Starring Dennis Quaid, Ellen Barkin, Ned Beatty 

Release Date August 21st, 1987 

Published August 21st, 2017 

This week in 1987 The Big Easy starring Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin and directed by Jim McBride was released nationwide following a brief run on the awards circuit in late 1986. The film tells the story of a corrupt New Orleans Police Detective named Remy McSwain, played by Quaid, who’s about to learn that corruption doesn’t really pay. Ellen Barkin is a District Attorney tasked with investigating Remy’s corruption and that of his fellow New Orleans brothers in Blue.

Director Jim McBride is best remembered for his 1982 remake of Jean Luc Godard’s iconic Breathless, with Richard Gere in the Jean Paul Belmondo role, Valerie Kaprisky in the Jean Seberg role and Las Vegas standing in for Paris. McBride, it seems, had a longstanding fascination with the French New Wave as not only did he remake Breathless, but in The Big Easy he tells the kind of American crime story that directors like Godard, Truffaut and Melville cite as their earliest influences.

Does that make The Big Easy good? Eh, it gives it a perspective, I guess. The problem with The Big Easy isn’t necessarily the movie, it’s time. Time has not been kind to movies in the crime genre. In the last 30 years’ dozens of films have trod upon similar ground, enough to make The Big Easy feel like just another copycat. That McBride may have been attempting an homage to his French New Wave influences is nice, but the only thing French about The Big Easy is its locational relation to the French Quarter.

Mr. McBride directs The Big Easy not like the dispassionate French crime stories but rather exactly like the old 40’s Hollywood pictures that the New Wave ate up. When the New Wave remade those pictures their French-ness made the stories feel fresh and innovative. In 1987 when McBride crafted his crime movie homage his only innovation was R-Rated sex and violence. Nothing about The Big Easy feels fresh anymore as a zillion other pictures have come along and were better at portraying corruption, sex, and violence.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Opera

Opera (1987) 

Directed by Dario Argento 

Written by Dario Argento, Franco Ferrini 

Starring Christina Marsillach, Urbano Barberini, Daria Nicolodi

Release Date December 19th, 1987

Published February 6th, 2024

The most captivating moment of the new Shudder documentary on director Dario Argento comes during an interview with his former leading lady, Christina Marsillach. Marsillach starred in 1987's Opera for Argento and the two had a deeply fraught relationship. In her interview in Panico Marsillach starts out talking about Argento as a father figure before taking her reminiscence in a decidedly different direction. Slowly she begins to talk about Argento's passive aggressive style in which he would not give her direct instructions but would have other members of the crew speak to her. 

Marsillach goes from painting a picture of a shy fatherly figure to portraying Argento like one of the villains of his movies, a tyrannical figure bent on getting his way at all costs. She appears to want to speak kindly of the director but then, in recalling her actual experience on the set of Opera, we get a short term psychodrama, a battle of wills between actress and director that she was not winning. It's captivating, there is no other way to describe it. I believe everything Marsillach is saying, based on what we see of Argento in behind the scenes footage, and yet her account of her work on Opera is oddly dramatic, not unlike an Argento movie, serene on the surface until everything comes to a boil.

Opera unfortunately is a wildly inconsistent piece of work. It's a slasher film set in the world of Opera with all of the pomp and circumstance of that world. The film stars Marsillach as a young diva who gets a shot at the big time after a big star walks out on an Avant-Garde take on Verdi's MacBeth. It's portrayed as a temper tantrum but it become quite serious when the Opera diva is struck by a car and is most assuredly not returning to the stage. Thus, a call is made to Betty (Marsillach), the diva understudy who now must step up and become a star. 

Click here for my review 

Classic Movie Review Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2 (1987) 

Directed by Bruce Pittmann 

Written by Ron Oliver 

Starring Michael Ironside, Wendy Lyon, Justin Louis 

Release Date October 16th, 1987 

Published October 18th, 2023 

Hollywood is often accused these days of being obsessed with existing I.P or intellectual property. Sequels, remakes, re-imaginings, these are movies that are derived from existing I.P. It's true, Hollywood is obsessed with existing I.P, uncovering old products that can be made new again, it's familiarity wielded as a marketing campaign. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is an I.P, Marvel movies, Star Wars, the Fast and Furious movies, and any number of horror franchises are existing I.P and Hollywood loves to recycle to save a little money. 

It's tempting to say that this isn't a new practice and it really isn't a new practice. But, things like Disney turning their legendary cartoons into live action movies or even creating a franchise out of something used to be at least a little bit frowned upon. Remakes, re-imaginings and loosely related sequels were once the realm of hucksters and shysters not prestigious movie studios with decades of credibility, awards, and blockbusters. Why, there was once a time when Superman got sold to a couple of con-artists who used Superman 4 as a money laundering scheme, ALLEGEDLY. Could you imagine a studio willingly giving away Superman today? 

The best example of the disreputable nature of I.P plays back in the day came from the horror genre. Hucksters and con artists of all stripes were in the business of capitalizing on I.P and, even if they didn't know it, they laid the groundwork for where we are today with the out of control obsession with I.P plays. Take for instance, Troll 2, often viewed as the best worst movie of all time. That film has nothing whatsoever to do with the modestly successful low budget 80s horror movie, Troll. The producers simply managed to become the owner of the Troll I.P and felt that slapping a number 2 on a movie was a clever marketing gimmick. 

Full length review at Horror.Media

Classic Movie Review Dirty Dancing

Dirty Dancing (1987)

Directed by Emile Ardolino 

Written by Eleanor Bergstein

Starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, Jerry Orbach, Kelly Bishop 

Release Date August 25th, 1987 

“It’s nothing, Marjorie, go back to sleep.”

As I watched Dirty Dancing for the first time in several years, this seemingly throwaway line from Jerry Orbach to Kelly Bishop, as the parents of Jennifer Grey’s Frances “Baby” Houseman, struck me. Orbach's Jake, a wealthy doctor, has just returned to his bungalow at this Catskills Hotel after having given treatment to Cynthia Rhodes’ Penny who has just undergone what at the time was referred to as a back-alley abortion. This was after she’d been knocked up by Robbie, a selfish snob doing time to raise money he doesn’t need for his Ivy League education.

The line struck me because of the way in which it spoke volumes in just six words. Here was past and future colliding; generational values only beginning to be challenged and two symbols of the supposed Greatest Generation, one in denial urging the other two go back to sleep and pretend time isn’t passing them and their values by. Seven years after when Dirty Dancing is set, Roe v. Wade would give women their first victory in reclaiming their bodies and their decisions from the white male patriarchy.

I realize that a review of Dirty Dancing is not the most likely place for a discussion of issues like abortion but that’s what makes this seeming trifle of 80s nostalgia so powerful, in of all places, the Reagan Era, when it seemed as if the Eisenhower, 50s family values crowd was making comeback after having defeated the hippies while getting millions of people killed to reclaim their supposed family values, here is Dirty Dancing, a musical with this innocent, almost Disney-esque sheen to it, to remind us what so many people had fought and died for. Change.

This theme of how the times they are a changing plays as the Greek Chorus of Dirty Dancing, always popping up in the background, playing peek-a-boo behind the graceful coming of age love story between Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze’s electrifying Johnny Castle, a man who looks like he just walked off the poster of some bad seed, Hayes Code era, motorcycle picture. Keeping with the theme, Baby is the idealistic innocent swept up in the change that people like Johnny are busy bringing about.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review Can't Buy Me Love

Can't Buy Me Love (1987) 

Directed by Steve Rash 

Written by Michael Swerdlick

Starring Amanda Peterson, Patrick Dempsey, Courtney Gains, Dennis Dugan 

Release Date August 14th, 1987

Can’t Buy Me Love is bankrupt at its core. The 1987 teen comedy starring Patrick Dempsey and the late Amanda Peterson has the trappings of a sweet 80s teen comedy about nerds and popular kids but lacks something in its heart. There is a cynicism at the center of Can’t Buy Me Love that the makers attempt to paper over by rushing to a climax that never feels right or especially earned.

Ronald Miller is our typical high school movie geek, stringy, shy, poorly dressed and into science. His crush is the most popular girl in school, Cindy, a cheerleader with a boyfriend who is now in college and is neglecting her affection. While Ronald pines from the seat of his lawnmower (he mows her lawn to the point he’s saved up $1000 while seeming to have only ever mowed Cindy’s lawn), Cindy is putting on a brave face about her absent boyfriend.

The plot kicks in when Cindy borrows an expensive outfit from her mother’s closet and ruins it. She desperately needs $1000 to replace the outfit and through plot contrivance, Ronald and his cold hard cash happen to be at the same mall attempting to buy a telescope, another 80s nerd signifier. Ronald offers his cash for Cindy to buy and replace her mom’s outfit in exchange for Cindy to go out with him and help him break into the cool clique at school.

The plan works as Cindy’s popularity rubs off on Ronald almost immediately. The two even begin to confide in one another and get close until Ronald misses his cue to kiss her for real and the two end up in a staged break up where Ronald compounds his blunders with cruel words he thinks are part of the act. Cindy is hurt and Ronald gets what he wants but not without a warning from her that being popular is harder than it looks. That’s what the makers of Can’t Buy Me Love don’t understand; while it goes through the motions of a lame redemption story for Ronald, the real story and the heart of the story belongs to Cindy whose struggle to maintain an image of perfection is harming her very soul.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Stakeout

Stakeout (1987) 

Directed by John Badham 

Written by Jim Kouf

Starring Richard Dreyfuss, Emilio Estevez, Aiden Quinn, Madeleine Stowe 

Release Date August August 5th, 1987 

Stakeout exists in a bizarre space in our popular memory. The action-comedy starring Richard Dreyfuss and Emilio Estevez opened the first weekend of August, 1987 at the top of the box office. The film went on to rank in the top 10 highest grossing films of the year and earned mostly positive reviews from critics. Then, it simply faded from memory. Sure, 6 years after the release of Stakeout they got around to making a bad sequel, shoulder shruggingly titled Another Stakeout, that did the original film no favors, but why did this successful movie mostly disappear from popular memory?

Dreyfuss and Estevez play Chris and Bill, Seattle Police detectives who are tasked with what they think is a punishment gig. After screwing up a bust, they get put on stakeout duty, watching the ex-girlfriend of an escaped convict in case he might come visiting. Aiden Quinn is the convict, nicknamed Stick, while Madeleine Stowe plays the ex-girlfriend who also becomes Chris’s love interest, something that is highly fraught as Chris must pretend he’s not a police officer to not blow his and Bill’s cover.

Dreyfuss and Stowe have a terrific chemistry, despite Stowe’s bizarre Spanish-Irish combo accent and Dreyfuss’s remarkable creepiness in watching her undress when he first goes on stakeout duty and then breaks into her home and ends up watching her shower. Despite how much I enjoy Richard Dreyfuss, there is no escaping how pervy and unfunny these scenes are. The sexual dynamic of Stakeout has not aged well and likely plays into why the film is so well forgotten.

The dynamic between Dreyfuss and Estevez is equally as charming as the dynamic between Stowe and Dreyfuss. Estevez was a mere 25 years old in Stakeout but with the aid of a remarkable mustache, he ages up just enough to be convincing as a detective. I loved the playful interplay between Estevez and Dreyfuss which is far less broad than your typical 80s action-comedy and feels more realistic and genuine than similar cop comedies; the two seem like genuine friends and partners instead of the more popular mismatched partners of so many similar films.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Masters of the Universe

Masters of the Universe (1987) 

Directed by Gary Goddard

Written by David Odell 

Starring Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox, Frank Langella

Release Date August 7th, 1987 

The legendary John Waters once defined camp, on an episode of The Simpsons, as “The tragically ludicrous, the ludicrously tragic.” The 1987 movie Masters of the Universe pre-dates that definition of camp by more than a decade but nevertheless defines it perfectly. Masters of the Universe is a tragically ludicrous idea undermined by greed, hubris and the outright silly notion that just because something catches on with child audiences it can be translated to film in anything other than a pathetic attempt at pandering.

There are several famous Hollywood stories from the behind the scenes creation of Masters of the Universe but few capture the essence of this horrible idea for a movie in the way that this one does. One day, Dolph Lundgren’s Rocky 4 co-star Sylvester Stallone visited the set of Masters of the Universe and seeing his former co-star exchanging dialogue with co-star Courtney Cox, Stallone expressed his apoplexy by asking an executive on set “You gave that guy dialogue?”

Indeed, Dolph Lundgren is given dialogue and through his remarkably thick accent even the simple catchphrase “I HAVE THE POWER” comes off like The Simpsons' hilarious Schwarzenegger parody, Rainier Wolfcastle, attempting a similar line from that shows' movie within a show about the fake comic book hero Radioactive Man. Undoubtedly, The Simpsons writers must have been huge ironic fans of Masters of the Universe.

Masters of the Universe was a compromised product from its very conception but that could not be clearer to fans of He-Man than in the film’s first scenes. The very first thing that happens in Masters of the Universe is that the villain Skeletor (Frank Langella, poor, misguided Frank Langella), has accomplished his long-time cartoon goal of taking over the fictional planet of Eternia. Fans can be forgiven for being floored by this as the cartoon series had been built around the battle to protect Castle Greyskull and its universe conquering powers from Skeletor and he’s just accomplished his greatest goal off-screen.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys (1987)

Directed by Joel Schumacher

Written by Janice Fischer, Jeffrey Boam, James Jeremias

Starring Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Jason Patric, Kiefer Sutherland, Dianne Wiest, Jamie Gertz

Release Date July 31st, 1987

The Lost Boys turns 30 years old this weekend, July 28th, 2017, and the movie has not aged well. While it’s not quite the embarrassment that was the Twilight movies, The Lost Boys is bad in its own unique ways. While nostalgia might cloud fans of the Coreys’ first team up (Haim and Feldman for those aren’t fans of Tiger Beat circa 1987) the reality of The Lost Boys is that director Joel Schumacher is an epically bad filmmaker and teamed with a cast of not ready for primetime teenagers, and a minimal budget, Schumacher’s modest talents are entirely overwhelmed.

The story of The Lost Boys began life as a kid’s adventure movie surrounding the bizarre idea of Peter Pan as a vampire, explaining why he was always a teenager, and attempting to lure Michael, eventually played by non-child Jason Patrick, and his brother Sam (Corey Haim) to become one of his "Lost Boys" hence the title that seems confusing minus the Peter Pan story. The Peter Pan aspect was ditched when director Richard Donner bolted from the project for the chance to direct Lethal Weapon. (Why did they keep the name? It means nothing without… oh never mind.)

In the story, as it plays out in the finished film, Michael and Sam have moved to Santa Carla from Phoenix after their mother, played by Dianne Wiest, divorced her husband and lost her job. They are going to live with their eccentric grandfather, played by the perfectly cast Barnard Hughes, who specialized in playing oddball grandpas. Hughes is one of the many extraneous idiocies of The Lost Boys as his character is little more than a series of creepy, supposedly endearing, quirks that have nothing to do with the plot.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review La Bamba

La Bamba (1987) 

Directed by Luis Valdez

Written by Luis Valdez

Starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Esai Morales, Joe Pantoliano, Elizabeth Pena

Release Date July 24th, 1987

Somehow, despite having seen the movie La Bamba more than a dozen times in my life, watching the movie on its 30th Anniversary felt brand new. La Bamba was a film of my youth; I was 11 years old when the film hit theaters in 1987. I watched it repeatedly when it was on pay cable and free TV in the later 80’s and 90’s and then the film fell from my memory. You might be wondering how I could have allowed something I must’ve treasured to leave my memories. The answer is more complicated than I had imagined.

La Bamba, the movie, we will get to the song later, tells the story of teenage rock star Ritchie Valens who nearly became a footnote in musical history when he was killed in a plane crash alongside the legendary Buddy Holly and fellow rising star The Big Bopper, on February 3rd, 1959, after having released only 3 hit singles and being a mere 17 years old. Though his popularity was rising in 1959 with people comparing the young Chicano rocker to Elvis, Valens wasn’t nearly the star Buddy Holly was and could have been preserved in history only by his family and community had it not been for this remarkable 1987 biopic.

Director Luis Valdez is a legend in his own right and in his own unique way. Desperate for an outlet for his plays, Valdez approached legendary California union activist Cesar Chavez about creating a theater troupe among the striking migrant workers. Chavez agreed only after Valdez devoted time to union organizing, time which he also took to recruit actors and performers from among the striking union to join him. He founded a troupe called El Treato Campesino, The Farmworkers Theater, which has become the creative home for Mexican Americans of many talents over the past 50 plus years.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Adventures in Babysitting

Adventures in Babysitting (1987) 

Directed by Chris Columbus 

Written by David Simkins

Starring Elisabeth Shue, Keith Coogan, Anthony Rapp, Maia Brewton 

Release Date July 3rd 1987

This weekend a minor 80’s gem turns 30 years old with little fanfare but plenty of positive memories, especially for young girls. Adventures in Babysitting is a lovely little 80’s nostalgia piece that, though some of its unintended politics haven’t aged well, the film’s silly little heart was always in the right place and that’s more than can be said about most 80’s teen comedies.

Adventures in Babysitting casts the winning and refreshing young Elizabeth Shue who gets roped into babysitting for The Anderson family after her no-goodnik boyfriend (Bradley Whitford) breaks off their date to a fancy restaurant. Having nothing better to do, Chris accepts the babysitting money to sit with Sara (Maia Brewton) and Brad (Keith Coogan), a boy two years younger than Chris and nursing a years long infatuation with her.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Roxanne

Roxanne (1987) 

Directed by Fred Schepisi

Written by Steve Martin 

Starring Steve Martin, Darryl Hannah, Shelley Duvall, Rick Rossovich, Fred Willard 

Release Date June 19th, 1987

Why don’t I love “Roxanne” anymore? The Steve Martin-Darryl Hannah comedy is turning 30 years old this week and will be featured on this week’s I Hate Critics movie review podcast which is being dedicated to the work of Steve Martin, featuring a Steve Martin Top 5 and “The Jerk” as this week’s I Hate Critics Undisputed Classic. So, of course, I watched “Roxanne” and the film left me only mildly amused at best, deeply disappointed at worst.

This confused me because my memory of the film, from being a 10 year old Steve Martin fan, was a non-stop laugh riot. I had a very similar experience when this week I also revisited Martin’s 1980 standup comedy special “In Honor of Steve.” Though my inner 10 year old found delight in Martin’s arrow through the head wackiness and the adult in me could recognize what might be a transgressive sort of anti-comedy peaking around the edges of otherwise earnest prat-falling, I could not find a place between the child and the adult that genuinely enjoyed Martin’s work.

Don’t misunderstand; it’s not that I am arguing Steve Martin isn’t funny, or not in many ways a comic genius, it’s an issue of taste. The adult in me doesn’t find Martin’s antics funny anymore and far too many moments of Roxanne, the extraneous scenes of Martin pulling a random physical gag, the plot friendly but awfully staged gymnastics that his C.B Bales is capable of for the purpose of god knows what, they’re unnecessary and distracting and rarely very funny.

There are multiple examples of these extraneous scenes with only a tenuous connection to the plot of “Roxanne” but let’s look at the very first scene of the film. Let me preface this by saying that I understand the fight scene that begins “Roxanne” is intended to demonstrate that C.D Bales is sensitive about the size of his exceptionally lengthy nose. I also am aware that the film is very loosely based on the play “Cyrano De Bergerac” which also begins with a sword fight. That said, the scene plays awkwardly and doesn’t really shine a positive light on the character of C.D Bales, especially as our introduction to the character.

Read my full review at Geeks.Media linked here.