Movie Review Swinging with the Finkels

Swinging with the Finkels (2011) 

Directed by Jonathan Newman

Written by Jonathan Newman

Starring Martin Freeman, Mandy Moore, Jonathan Silverman, Melissa George

Release Date August 26th, 2011

Published September 15th, 2011 

"Swinging with the Finkels" is an odd sort of romantic comedy. The story of a bored married couple who consider Swinging, swapping partners with another married couple, as a way to spice up their spice-free marriage; "Swinging with the Finkels" has moments that are insightful and cute thanks to its pair of appealing leads.

Martin Freeman and Mandy Moore are the titular Finkels, Alvin and Ellie. College sweethearts, Alvin and Ellie have stopped being intimate with one another and Alvin is ready to chalk it up to the typicality of being married for so long. Since the two don't communicate well their uncoordinated attempts to rebuild intimacy fail quite comically.

Finally, after witnessing the seeming end of the marriage of their closest friends, played by Jonathan Silverman and Melissa George, Alvin and Ellie make one last desperate attempt to change their marriage; swinging. An ad on a website brings a very nice couple to Alvin and Ellie's flat and the night seems to go as planned.

Whether or not the swing is the thing to get Alvin and Ellie going again I will leave you to discover. What is unique about writer-director Jonathan Newman's approach to swinging is how anticlimactic the night is. Aside from a very awkward encounter between Alvin and his husband counterpart, it's a relatively peaceful event.

"Swinging with the Finkels" is not about a big, dramatic, central event but rather about smaller, quieter moments as Alvin and Ellie and their closest friends discuss the small events that add up to the bigger dramatic stuff, like the potential end of Alvin and Ellie's marriage.

Martin Freeman is a terrific actor with a very communicative face. His work has generally played off of his ability to be apoplectic; most notably his consistently overwhelmed traveler in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." In "Swinging with the Finkels" however, we see Freeman as an average, intelligent guy earnestly interested in examining how he has arrived at this point in his life and marriage.

Mandy Moore is her usual adorable self, willing to sacrifice her dignity for the laugh; especially in a scene of self pleasure that ends with an elderly man getting hit in the crotch. You will have to see the movie to see how that happened. Moore's performance however, like Freeman's, is about the quiet, thoughtful moments as much as its about the broad, crotch shot humor. 

"Swinging with the Finkels" is, in fact, so much more thoughtful than its title implies. Yes, it has moments or broad or merely awkward humor, but the the story centers strongly on the troubled marriage and how the couple attempts to understand their issues and determine if they can get past them and whether or not swinging or sex with other people may be the answer. 

Movie Review: Darkest Minds

Darkest Minds (2018) 

Directed by Jennifer Yuh Nelson

Written by Chad Hodge

Starring Amandla Stenberg, Harris Dickinson, Mandy Moore, Bradley Whitford 

Release Date August 3rd, 2018

Published August 3rd, 2018

I had really hoped that the phase of young adult dystopian drama had passed after the series of Hunger Games knock-offs tried and failed at the box office. I had a deep and abiding hope that after Maze Runner: The Death Cure, still among the worst things I have seen at the movies in 2018, had flopped into theaters I would not have to suffer another overwrought, portentous piece of young adult post-apocalyptic nonsense for a few years.  

Sadly, it’s only been a few months since the pain of the most recent Maze Runner sequel began to subside and already this pathetic sub-genre is back on the big screen. Darkest Minds is the latest young adult flotsam to try and cash in on The Hunger Games in hopes of striking box office gold. Here’s hoping it fails as miserably as the rest as Darkest Minds doesn’t deserve success, it deserves to be buried in a cold wet grave. 

Darkest Minds wastes the talents of young Amandla Stenberg, Rue from The Hunger Games, as Ruby, a teenager with a dark secret, the power to manipulate people’s minds. As we are told via generic news footage, teenagers across the country woke up one morning with remarkable super-powers and their parents didn’t know what to do about them. The only thing anyone could think of was to round up the kids and put them in camps to be studied or killed.  

Some kids are super-smart, others have telekinesis powers and still others have the horrific power to make fire shoot from their eyes and mouths like a kid whose had too many Smoking Hot Cheetos. Ruby belongs to a dangerous group of kids given the distinction or Orange for their ability to manipulate the minds of anyone they come in contact with. Ruby can Jedi mind trick people into doing her bidding, if she can learn to control her gift. 

After escaping an internment camp where she was set to be eliminated after they discover the breadth of her powers, Ruby briefly goes on the run with a freedom fighter named Kate (Mandie Moore) but when she appears to have a partner who Ruby envisions as a bad guy, Ruby runs away and finds herself in a van with a group of fellow teens with super-powers. Liam (Harris Dickman) is the leader, he has telekinesis. Chubs (Skylan Brooks) has super-intelligence and Zu (Miya Cech) can turn electricity into a weapon. 

Together they will seek out a utopia headed up by a legend named the Slip Kid, nicknamed for his ability to get in and out of the camps after being repeatedly captured. Naturally, the utopia will not be all it’s cracked up to be and it will be up to our heroes to point the way toward real freedom. Or, at least, I assume what the plot of Darkest Minds is supposed to be; the film is far more clumsy in execution.

Director Jennifer Yuh Nelson makes the jump from animated features to live action with Darkest Minds and you can sense the dutiful approach to making this as if she were assigned a task and not given a creative opportunity. There is a quality of let’s just get this over with to every scene in the movie and the rushed sensibility comes through in the look of the movie and in the performances that stem from a director picking up a paycheck. 

Amandla Stenberg is giving the role of Ruby her full attention but you can sense here also a dutiful if not deeply committed approach. Everyone in Darkest Minds seems to just want to get through this so they can get on with their careers in more interesting movies that aren’t mandated by the whims of a studio marketing department. You can almost hear the gleeful cry of the marketing team as they chant “Hunger Games Meets The X-Men” over and over and over as they frenzy themselves toward believing they have a hit concept on their hands. 

Darkest Minds is little more than an elevator pitch brought to life and colored in with derivative characters and expository dialogue. It’s unlikely that anyone who made this movie cared about it beyond making sure it wasn’t a full-on, career killing embarrassment. That modest goal is achieved, everyone here can rest assured that what they’ve made isn’t a complete embarrassment, it’s competent and forgettable in the way that will help as these talented people move on and forget that they ever took part in this throwaway nonsense. 

Movie Review License to Wed

License to Wed (2007)

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Written by Vince Dimeglio 

Starring Robin Williams, John Kracinski, Mandy Moore 

Release Date July 3rd, 2007 

Published July 3rd, 2007 

Robin Williams is one of the quickest, funniest wits in the business. His whirling comic dervish is a perpetual motion device of comic invention. His mind leaps from one wild reference point to the next, selling even the worst one liner with high energy histrionics that themselves often earn a laugh. If he has one major weakness, it's a taste for the maudlin and simple minded.

Williams' worst films aim for the heart instead of the funny bone with eye rolling results. His latest comedy License To Wed falls somewhere in between Williams at his best and worst. His wildman preacher, Reverend Frank, is perfectly suited to his fast paced style. However, License To Wed being a romantic comedy also opens up the opportunity for the overly sentimental and sappy, an opportunity Williams cannot resist.

When Ben (John Kracinski) met Sadie (Mandy Moore) it was love at first sight. Both of them knew right away that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together and six months after that first meeting; Ben asked her to marry him and she said yes. Of course, it could never be that simple. Though Ben wants to fly down to Jamaica for the wedding, Sadie wants to marry in the church she grew up in and planned her dream wedding around.

To give Sadie the wedding of her dreams Ben has to survive meeting Reverend Frank (Robin Williams) who is not just the church pastor but also a pre-marriage counselor who will refuse to allow a couple to wed if they cannot survive his rigorous pre-marriage course. The couple has three weeks until their wedding day and during that time Reverend Frank will drive them completely nuts to make absolutely certain they are ready to be wed.

License To Wed, directed by Ken Kwapis (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants), plays like a one line Hollywood pitch meeting "Robin Williams as a wacky priest/wedding counselor". It's an idea more than it is a movie and it plays much like an unformed idea that never coalesced into a full length feature. Director Ken Kwapis does manage to capture a few of those typically Robin Williams moments, the kind of fast paced, improv jokes that only Williams can pull off, but most of License To Wed just lays there waiting for another Williams improv to give it life.

The Office star John Kracinski is an appealing comic presence whose deadpan expression and mischievous nature have been terrifically funny on TV turns bland in this banal pseudo-romance. Struggling to connect with the wooden Mandy Moore, Kracinski is pushed into some forced slapstick in order to drag laughs out of scenes that Robin Williams can't save with a quick improv.

Kracinski comes off bland and boring in License To Wed and co-star Moore is little help. Once, I had thought that Moore had potential. She delivered a terrifically bitchy performance in the indie comedy Saved and did a similar number in the daring disaster American Dreamz. And she was terrifically funny in a brief stint on TV's Scrubs. Since then however, she has regressed as she tries desperately for romantic comedy stardom in the dreadful Because I Said So and now License To Wed.

What little that works in License To Wed comes from Robin Williams. Allowed to run amok by what is only a semblance of a plot, Williams can't help but find a few solid one liners and a few big gags. However, he also can't help whiffing on a few stale jokes and in his inevitable soft and cuddly turn. There is no denying though that when Williams is on his game he's as funny as anyone in the business and he rescues more than a few scenes in License To Wed with his talent for improvisation.

As hit and miss a's Willams can be and often is in License To Wed, scenes without him long for his spontaneity and energy. The fact is that this movie got made on the pitch of Robin Williams as a wacky preacher which puts stars John Kracinski and Mandy Moore at a big disadvantage. Their roles are bigger than Williams' and yet as the film is set up, they are in service to him and without him they flounder.

License To Wed has a number of laugh out loud moments, all of them thanks to Robin Williams. Sadly, however, those laughs are random and often don't serve to move the story forward. Some gags, bits and jokes even pause the story to complete themselves, as if the movie itself were acknowledging its own story bankruptcy.

Looking on the bright side, as long as John Kracinski is picking such poor film roles he will have plenty of time for his TV show The Office. That bright side has nothing to do with License To Wed but as an Office fan it made me smile.

Movie Review: American Dreamz

American Dreamz (2006) 

Directed by Paul Weitz

Written by Paul Weitz 

Starring Hugh Grant, Dennis Quaid, Marcia Gay Harden, Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein

Release Date April 21st, 2006

Published April 20th, 2006 

When I heard that the very talented writer-director of American Pie and About A Boy, Paul Weitz, had decided to take on an ambitious satire of President George W. Bush and the vapid karaoke extravaganza American Idol, I was quite excited. Two such broad targets are, no doubt, hard to miss with hard edged satire. So how disappointed was I when, while finally watching American Dreamz, that Weitz manages to miss the target like a Buffalo Bills kicker in the Super Bowl.

Hugh Grant stars in American Dreamz as Martin Tweed a Simon Cowell clone with a nasty disposition on screen and off. A self loathing jerk, we meet Martin as he dumps his girlfriend while celebrating his shows latest spectacular ratings.

The new season of 'American Dreamz' is about to begin and a new crop of contestants are lining up. In the tiny hamlet of of Padookie, Ohio Sally Kendoo (Mandy Moore) is ready for her closeup. An ambitious, plotting, self absorbed teen, Sally celebrates her American Dreamz birth by dumping her dopey but loving boyfriend William (Chris Klein). So broken up about it William runs off to the army and is immediately sent to Iraq.

On the other side of the world Omer (Sam Galzari) is training in an Al Quaeda terrorist camp. However, he spends his evenings singing along to show tunes. He is soon sent to America to live with relatives and finds himself auditioning for American Dreamz, the producers, Tweed and flunkies played by Judi Greer and John Cho, have decided the key to ratings is diversity. They want an arab guy and they choose Omer opposite him they want a jewish guy and they get a hasidic rapper played by Adam Busch.

Running parallel to the American Dreamz story is that of President Jack Staton (Dennis Quaid). Having just narrowly won re-election, President Staton wakes up one morning and decides to read the newspaper instead of his daily briefing. He then proceeds to not leave the presidential bedroom for three solid weeks, choosing to stay in bed reading the newspaper.

To get the president back on his feet his chief of staff (Willem Dafoe in a Dick Chaney haircut) gets the president an appearance as a guest judge on American Dreamz. This places the small town witch, the Arab dreamer and the dimwit president on a collision course, unfortunately the only collision is with indifference.

American Dreamz walks up to the edge of hard satire and then runs away like a scared child. The film does not have a mean bone in it's body despite attempts to look mean. Grant's Simon Cowell may be a self loathing prick but Grant cannot turn off that natural charisma that makes even a bastard like Martin Tweed charming. He's supposed to be a Machiavellian bastard but the edges are worn off and his manipulations never take away from his likability.

Mandy Moore is supposed to be Martin's equal in terms of self involvement and angry ambition but she too cannot turn off the charms that have made her a star. Moore evinces hateful bitchiness, but in an ill-conceived romantic subplot with Grant, she turns cuddly in a dark comic way and you can't help rooting. a little, for an unearned happy ending.

The characters in American Dreamz break down into two categories, either mean or or dopey. Grant, Moore and Dafoe fall into the mean category while Golzari, Klein and Quaid are in the dopey category. In a satire with sharp edges, with a clearer perspective and point of view, this might not be such a bad thing. But in an unfocused mess like American Dreamz you are left to wonder just what are you supposed to enjoy about these characters.

Weitz aspires at once to the hard edges of Kubrick's trenchant Doctor Strangelove and Christopher Guest's gentle prodding Waiting For Guffman and Best In Show. The mix is weak kneed when it needs to be edgy, as in the too soft take on the President, and to edgy when it needs to be soft as in the American Idol satire.

The saddest thing about American Dreamz is that Weitz's approach could have worked. If he had approached the Presidential satire like Kubrick did Strangelove and the American Idol stuff like Guest took on folkies in A Mighty Wind, then American Dreamz might have mixed these two disparate subjects in a satifying way.

Instead what we have is a complete disaster of weak willed satire, dopey hateful characters and rare moments of laughter. American Dreamz is one of the most disappointing films I've seen in a very long while. The very talented Paul Weitz has many more good films in his future, let's hope he puts this one behind him quickly.

Movie Review: Chasing Liberty

Chasing Liberty (2004) 

Directed by Andy Cadiff 

Written by Derek Guiley 

Starring Mandy Moore, Matthew Goode, Jeremy Piven, Annabella Sciorra, Mark Harmon

Release Date January January 9th, 2004

Published January 8th, 2004 

In my review of Mandy Moore's film debut A Walk To Remember, I employed the hack-y cliché “don't quit your day job” in reference to Ms. Moore's excruciatingly-bland performance. At that time, it was a justifiable, if horribly cynical, criticism of her performance. But that is no excuse for using such a cliché. Since then, Moore has made me eat those words (sort of.) Her pleasant turn in the pop-sensible teen drama How To Deal showed marked improvement over A Walk To Remember. Now, in her latest starring effort as the President's daughter in Chasing Liberty, Moore shows even more improvement as a charming, sweet leading lady.

Liberty is the secret service code name of Anna Foster who has spent her formative years in the largest possible spotlight. Anna is the 18-year-old daughter of a two-term President (Mark Harmon). When we meet Anna, she is about to head out on her first date ever. The date is a miserable failure that ends with Secret Service guns drawn on the boyfriend who mistakenly attempted a surprise gift. That's it for the boyfriend. Luckily, Anna has a trip with dad coming up that could provide an opportunity for fun, if she can shake the Secret Service.

On a state visit to Prague, Anna plans to meet up with a friend and head for Berlin for something called Love Fest. Dad doesn't want her to go but relents when she agrees to having a pair of top agents, Jeremy Piven and Annabella Sciorra, follow her. That plan falls apart though when dad breaks his promise and Anna is swarmed by agents while at a concert. To lose them, Anna gets the help of Ben (Matthew Good) who whisks her away on his scooter. What Anna doesn't know is that Ben is a Secret Service agent.

Thus begins a whirlwind romantic trip across Europe as Anna thinks she is evading the Secret Service while Ben fends off her advances while trying to keep up with her. Moore and Good have little chemistry and with all the next-big-thing talk about Good, I was surprised how wooden and dull he is. Moore, on the other hand, is effervescent. Comparisons to a young Doris Day are not unwarranted. She is sunny and sweet and has lost that cloying innocence that sacked her performance in A Walk To Remember.

Chasing Liberty is not a great film. It's full of typical romantic comedy clichés and those romantic dialogue bits that always pay off at the end. The typical eye-rolling moments of realization and forgiveness that you've seen a million times are not improved upon here. What makes the film nearly passable is Moore, who has found that kind of star quality that many actresses never find. Whenever she is onscreen, I couldn't help but smile. She is aided by a funny subplot involving Piven and Sciorra's Secret Service agents who fall in love while watching the first daughter fall in love.

Maybe it's my romantic idealism, but I have always wanted to backpack across Europe with a beautiful stranger and fall in love while scamming for places to sleep for a night or thumbing a ride on the back of a farm truck on it way to some tiny village that hasn't aged since the 1800s. Chasing Liberty captures some of that romantic idealism, especially in Moore's wonderfully likable performance.

Movie Review How to Deal

How to Deal (2003) 

Directed by Claire Kilner

Written by Neena Beber

Starring Mandy Moore, Peter Gallagher, Allison Janney, Trent Ford, Dylan Baker 

Release Date July 18th, 2003 

Published July 18th, 2003 

Is it just my cynical nature or do you agree that the title How To Deal is a marketer's idea of how teenagers talk? Everything about How To Deal screams of a publicity department ranting and raving about test audiences and demographics. It plays as if there was a representative from the marketing department in the editing suite dictating where to place the top 40 pop tunes for maximum exposure.

The same could be said, quite cynically, about the film's star, Mandy Moore. From her first film AWalk To Remember to her pop albums to her Neutrogena commercials, Moore is a marketer's dream. That Moore manages a respectable performance in her new movie, How to Deal, is a sign that she is developing into quite a talented actress even as marketers attempt to manipulate her image for maximum dollars.

In How To Deal, Moore is Halley Martin, the daughter of bitterly divorced parents and exceptionally cynical about her own prospects for love. Her best friend Scarlett (Alexandra Holden) is far less cynical, she's in love with the captain of the soccer team and has begun having sex despite her friend’s disapproving, and slightly jealous, glare. Scarlett isn't the only person in Halley's life who's found love. To Halley's dismay, her father Len (Peter Gallagher), has a new girlfriend. Len, a morning radio DJ (more on that later), has fallen for his bimbette weather girl and they plan to marry live on the air. Halley's sister Ashley (Mary Catherine Garrison) is also getting married, her marriage is to a preppy rich kid played by Mackenzie Astin.

With all the love in the air it's not surprising that Halley is a little sick of it, even when a hunky friend of a friend, Macon (Trent Ford), turns his sights on her. Halley makes it clear to Macon that she's not interested. Soon after though, when tragedies begin to pile up, Halley turns to Macon for support. I won't give away the film’s numerous major and minor tragedies except to say that soap opera characters don't suffer as much as poor Halley. That said, <Mandy Moore does an excellent job of not allowing the melodramatics to overcome her character. The young actress who I instructed not to quit her day job after her first film has me eating those words with her heady performance in How To Deal.

It's unfortunate however that all that surrounds her fails so miserably. The blame for this failure obviously lies with the studio and the film’s producers who compromised the story at every turn. Every emotion is underscored with a pop tune and in every moment Moore's performance appears to chafe against the film’s obvious machinations toward a happy ending. Moore's acting belies an entirely different story, one that is slightly darker and more cynical, and likely more satisfying. 

The way that How to Deal is edited, Moore's Halley succumbs very easily to Macon. Yet, you can see where Moore and director Claire Kilner were looking for something deeper that would make her revelation at the end a crescendo rather than a whimper. Add to that an underwritten supporting cast that includes a God-awful performance by Peter Gallagher as Halley's dad and a radio DJ. I happen to work in radio so Gallagher's performance grates on me on more than one level. Gallagher has to be the worst example of Hollywood's idea of a radio professional since Dolly Parton in Straight Talk. This is a truly embarrassing performance.

How To Deal is a sad example of modern Hollywood where marketability trumps story and artistry at every turn. I hope that Mandy Moore can escape the marketers and move on to more challenging roles. I never thought I would write such nice things about Mandy Moore's acting but despite my prejudice against pop stars, she earned it in How To Deal.

Movie Review: A Walk to Remember

A Walk to Remember (2002) 

Directed by Adam Shankman

Written by Karen Janszen 

Starring Mandy Moore, Shane West, Daryl Hannah, Lauren German, Clayne Crawford 

Release Date January 25th, 2002 

Published January 24th, 2002 

SPOILER ALERT! I'm required to say that because indeed I am giving away this film’s ending. Of course if you have seen this film’s marketing campaign and you don't already know how this one ends, then you need to buy my new book “Teen Movies for Dummies.” A Walk To Remember is yet another addition to the growing genre I have dubbed the “dead ingénue” movie. Cute, quirky chick rescues and reforms wayward male and then dies.

Pop singer Mandy Moore stars as a nerdy Christian outcast who tutors underprivileged kids, sings in the choir, stars in the school play and has a 4.0 GPA. Shane West from TV's Once & Again is her wayward hunk who, after nearly killing a friend of his is sentenced to community service and forced to star in the school play. If that's what you get for attempted manslaughter, what is the punishment for murder? Detention? Anyway our two stars meet while working in the play together, they fall in love, and then she's dead.

This film seems as if it were made for the WB network. With it's appealing young stars and 94 minute runtime it’s perfect for the two hour block right after Dawson's Creek, if you factor in commercials. Journalistic integrity forces me to admit that Moore and West do have an effective scene in her hospital room. The touching and well-written scene hints at a great future for West who reminds me of a smarter-looking Paul Walker.

As for Moore, well honey, don't quit your day job. If A Walk To Remember is anything to judge Mandy's acting skills, Julia Roberts doesn't have anything to worry about.

Movie Review Tangled

Tangled (2010) 

Directed by Nathan Greno, Byron Howard 

Written by Dan Fogelman

Starring Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi, Donna Murphy 

Release Date November 24th, 2010 

Published November 23rd, 2010

In their 50th original animated feature Disney has once again hit a home run. “Tangled” is a joyous musical treat for the ears and the eyes as even in 3D Disney's classic hand drawn style manages to shine. Re-imagining the fairy tale Rapunzel as romantic musical adventure directors Nathan Greno and Byron Howard and writer Dan Fogelman have reinvigorated the tale for a new audience to love.

Mandy Moore offers the voice of Rapunzel. Trapped in a tower by Mother Gothel, the woman she believes is her real mother, Rapunzel spends her days reading, painting and singing with her chameleon pal Pascal, who thankfully cannot duet, he's not a talking chameleon. One day, while indulging her usual pursuits, Rapunzel finds a man in her tower; Flynn Ryder (Zachary Levy, NBC's Chuck) is on the run from the kingdom having stolen a precious royal heirloom.

Rapunzel may have spent the last 18 years trapped in a tower but that doesn't stop her from whipping pretty boy Flynn's butt with her magical long blonde hair. Using her enchanted tresses to toss, trip and tie up Flynn, Rapunzel quickly realizes that what her 'mother' told her about the outside world being dangerous might be true but that she cannot take care of herself is completely false. Once Flynn is subdued Rapunzel decides that the rakish thief would be the perfect guide to the outside world. She will hold his stolen goods until he shows her the kingdom's annual Lantern Festival, up close. If you cannot guess where this is heading, a few songs, romance, more cute animals and eventually a happy ending, you aren't trying.

”Tangled” is not about the preordained outcome thankfully. Rather, it's about a joyous musical journey where the gorgeous music of composer Alan Menken and the perfect Disney Princess voice of Mandy Moore takes hold of you and elevates you to a state of blissful happiness. In all seriousness, “Tangled” is one of the happiest, most joy filled movies ever put to the screen.

Tangled is the rare movie that manages to be happy and joy filled without being cloying or too cute. Mandy Moore and Zachary Levy strike just the perfect chords as the spunky Princess and the suave yet goofball rake. Director's Nathan Greno and Byron Howard create a gorgeous world for these characters to inhabit and while there is darkness on the edges, a pair of twins is known as the Stabbington brothers, the focus is on the warm, the fuzzy, and the fun.

The music of Alan Menken may not hold a standout single, nothing that could become a hit beyond the movie, but he nails the joyful tone and Moore seems born for Menken's spunky lyrics that she delivers with effortless, honest delight without ever becoming excessively sweet or sentimental.

There is a simple, honest excitement that radiates from every inch of “Tangled.” The film is a complete delight, a near overdose of fun. Even in 3D, which I mostly loathe, “Tangled” manages to shine. Great songs, great characters and even a touch of chaste romance combine with classic Disney animation to create arguably the biggest surprise of 2010. “Tangled” may be one of the best movies of the year.

Movie Review Because I Said So

Because I Said So (2007) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Jessie Nelson

Starring Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Gabriel Macht, Tom Everett Scott, Lauren Graham, Piper Perabo

Release Date December 2nd, 2006 

Published December 2nd, 2006 

In my nearly seven years writing film criticism I have seen some awful movies. Rarely however, have I seen something as brutal as the new romantic comedy Because I Said So starring Diane Keaton. It's not that the film is as badly made as say, Deuce Bigelow, or as poorly acted as the indie feature Undiscovered. No, what makes Because I Said So so notably awful is the cast.

How does a movie starring the legendary Diane Keaton, the lovable Mandy Moore and the reliable Lauren Graham, end up this brutally awful? That is a notable achievement, taking three beloved actors and forcing them into a movie so insufferable that even their innate appeal is dimmed by how terrible this movie is. That director Michael Lehmann once directed Heathers, a legit cult classic, makes this epic misfire so much more of a mystery. Then again, Lehmann also directed Hudson Hawk. Hmm.

In Because I Said So Diane Keaton plays Daphne, a mother of three beautiful daughters who, on the verge of turning 60, has just one wish. Daphne wants to find a man for her youngest daughter, Millie (Mandy Moore). To this end, Daphne commits herself to the task of finding Millie's ideal man by creating an online dating ad for her and then interviewing potential candidates herself. The search leads to a nice guy architect named Josh (Tom Everett Scott) who mom absolutely loves. Also in the running is a nice guy guitar player named Johnny (Gabriel Macht) who mom doesn't so much like but is Millie's perfect type.

If you need a road map to figure which guy Millie ends up with you have either never seen a movie before or have lived your entire life in a cave; cut off from logic. Because I Said So is not merely predictable, predictability I could forgive. No, Because I Said So is such a trainwreck of romantic comedy cliches and artificial roadblocks that it becomes unbearable to watch this cast enact such sub-sitcom levels of convoluted comic idiocy. 

Diane Keaton is a legend. She has won the Oscar for best actress. She has even made a few very bad movies, First Wives Club, Hanging Up, to name a few. But, she has never been this awful in a movie. Her performance in Because I Said So is an epic disaster of over the top gesticulations, shrill dialogue delivery and logic free character development. As a director herself, it's a wonder how Keaton did not see this character going so badly. Or maybe she did. There is a good ten minute sequence in the film in which Keaton doesn't say a word. I can't prove this, but I like to think this was Keaton's silent protest of the movie. I can hope, can't I?

Because I Said So doesn't just slime the great Ms. Keaton, it nearly destroys the career of Mandy Moore. The former pop star had come a very long way in her acting career since her ugly debut in the weepy teen romance A Walk To Remember. She was terrific in a bitchy supporting role in Saved, charming in a bitchy role in American Dreamz, and utterly darling in her cameo on TV's Scrubs. Sadly and unfortunately in Because I Said So, Moore looks like a novice actress, tripping over punchlines and allowing the movie to make her look like a fool in nearly every scene. 

Moore should find some way to sue director Michael Lehmann for allowing her to appear so utterly befuddled onscreen. This is a career low-point that would be difficult to recover from for the veteran Diane Keaton. For Ms. Moore, she may have to look to a TV career before considering film again. Lauren Graham of TV's Gilmore Girls and Piper Perabo of Coyote Ugly round out what is, on paper, a stellar cast. How you make a movie this awful with this cast is truly astonishing. Both Graham and Perabo are thanking their lucky stars that their roles barely rise above cameos.

How bad is Because I Said So? Here is just a hint of what this movie believes is funny. Two scenes of Diane Keaton watching internet porn. Two scenes of Ms. Keaton, legs in the air screaming to the heavens, a dog humping furniture. Some of the most stilted and awkward sex talk in the history of film. Not one, but two all family sing alongs. And, because the family runs a catering business, 3 scenes of people covered in cake.

Now, I can hear skeptics out there reading along and thinking 'of course he doesn't like this movie, it's a chick flick'. Allow me to explain how this works. I loved The Holiday, I loved Love Actually and I gave a glowing recommendation to the movie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. This is not about genre, or target audience. This is about Because I Said So being one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

In the words of the great Roger Ebert, from the title of one of his great books, I hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Because I Said So is a painfully awful, nightmare of a movie that poor Diane Keaton may never recover from. She is lucky that she was once in Annie Hall and won a very deserved Academy award for Best Actress because otherwise it would be very easy to write her off after a disaster like this.

As it stands, I'm sure Diane Keaton will be back. Let's just hope she fires her agent before he allows her to make another movie remotely as awful as Because I Said So.