Movie Review Showdown at the Grand

Showdown at the Grand (2023) 

Directed by Orson Oblowitz 

Written by Orson Oblowitz 

Starring Terrence Howard, John Savage, Amanda Righetti, Dolph Lundgren, Piper Curda 

Release Date November 10th, 2023 

Published ? 

An evil developer threatens a beloved old movie palace in the new action thriller, Showdown at the Grand. It's an old trope and it's perfectly fitting for this old school B-Movie. Written and directed by Orson Oblowitz, Showdown at the Grand celebrates classic B-Movies while embodying all of the things we love about classic B-Movies. It's a wonderfully meta-action flick with a big beating heart and deep love for the kind of drive-in classics that made cult heroes of Roger Corman, Russ, and stars like Ken Foree and Shannon Tweed. 

Showdown at the Grand stars Terrence Howard as George Fuller, the solo proprietor of the Warner Grand Theater, a southwestern staple of B-movie presentations. Fuller has grown up at the Grand, inheriting the business from his father who sank the family's entire fortune into rescuing the Grand after George's uncle nearly ran it into the ground. Now, George is facing a reckoning of his own. A wealthy and duplicitous developer named Lynn (Amanda Righetti), is buying up properties around the Grand but she needs the land where the grand stands to complete her development. 

Aiding Lynn in her hostile takeover of the area are a pair of thugs, Reed (Mike Ferguson) and Burton (Jon Sklaroff). Burton, though he is purely malevolent, happens to be a fan of the Grand, matching George movie quote for movie quote during their multiple encounters. That won't stop Burton from trying to kill George and destroy the Grand. Standing alongside George and the Grand are his longtime best friend, Lucky (John Savage) and George's only employee Spike (Piper Curda). 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review Masters of the Universe

Masters of the Universe (1987) 

Directed by Gary Goddard

Written by David Odell 

Starring Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox, Frank Langella

Release Date August 7th, 1987 

The legendary John Waters once defined camp, on an episode of The Simpsons, as “The tragically ludicrous, the ludicrously tragic.” The 1987 movie Masters of the Universe pre-dates that definition of camp by more than a decade but nevertheless defines it perfectly. Masters of the Universe is a tragically ludicrous idea undermined by greed, hubris and the outright silly notion that just because something catches on with child audiences it can be translated to film in anything other than a pathetic attempt at pandering.

There are several famous Hollywood stories from the behind the scenes creation of Masters of the Universe but few capture the essence of this horrible idea for a movie in the way that this one does. One day, Dolph Lundgren’s Rocky 4 co-star Sylvester Stallone visited the set of Masters of the Universe and seeing his former co-star exchanging dialogue with co-star Courtney Cox, Stallone expressed his apoplexy by asking an executive on set “You gave that guy dialogue?”

Indeed, Dolph Lundgren is given dialogue and through his remarkably thick accent even the simple catchphrase “I HAVE THE POWER” comes off like The Simpsons' hilarious Schwarzenegger parody, Rainier Wolfcastle, attempting a similar line from that shows' movie within a show about the fake comic book hero Radioactive Man. Undoubtedly, The Simpsons writers must have been huge ironic fans of Masters of the Universe.

Masters of the Universe was a compromised product from its very conception but that could not be clearer to fans of He-Man than in the film’s first scenes. The very first thing that happens in Masters of the Universe is that the villain Skeletor (Frank Langella, poor, misguided Frank Langella), has accomplished his long-time cartoon goal of taking over the fictional planet of Eternia. Fans can be forgiven for being floored by this as the cartoon series had been built around the battle to protect Castle Greyskull and its universe conquering powers from Skeletor and he’s just accomplished his greatest goal off-screen.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Aquaman

Aquaman (2018) 

Directed by James Wan 

Written by David Leslie Johnson, Will Beal

Starring Jason Mamoa, Patrick Wilson, Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, Dolph Lundgren, Yahya Abdul Mateen, Nicole Kidman

Release Date December 21st, 2018 

Published December 20th, 2018 

Aquaman stars Jason Mamoa as Arthur Curry, the one true King of Atlantis, though he doesn’t see it that way. Having been born to Queen Atlanna of Atlantis and a lighthouse keeper named Thomas (Temeura Morrison), Arthur doesn’t feel fully at home on either land or at sea. Despite having grown up under the tutelage of Vulko Willem Dafoe), his mother’s top advisor, and trained for royal combat, Arthur’s human side keeps him from embracing his Atlantean heritage. 

Arthur, known to many as Aquaman following the events of Justice League, will soon have to make a decision about Atlantis, whether to become its King or unwilling subject. Arthur’s brother, Ohrm (Patrick Wilson) has risen to the throne in the absence of Atlanna and he has plans to bring destruction to land-dwellers for the pollution and violence that human beings have brought to the oceans around Atlantis. 

To do this however, Ohrm must convince the seven kingdoms of the sea to get behind him as the Ocean Master, and allow him to take their armies into battle. All that stands in his way is Arthur who is guided by Mera (Amber Heard), the object of Ohrm’s affections and the daughter of one of the kings of the sea, King Nereus (Dolph Lundgren). Mera wants to prevent a war and believes that Arthur ascending to the throne is the only way to prevent it. 

It is Mera who drives the plot, convincing Arthur to seek the legendary Trident of Atlan, the weapon belonging to the very first King of Atlantis. The journey takes them from the deserts of the Sahara to the oceans around Sicily and eventually to the very center of the Earth where deadly combat awaits around every corner. All the while, Ohrm is raising an army and plotting to destroy all life on land unless Aquaman can stop him. 

Writing all of that out comes off even goofier than watching it unfold did. That said, it’s a good kind of goofy. Aquaman is a completely unpretentious comic book adventure that is both comic book nerdy and action movie macho. The film threads the needle of being just geeky enough and just enough of a macho action flick to satisfy audiences of both kinds. Jason Mamoa is the key to that tone. He’s a clever actor who gets the role he’s playing and does well to under-play the silliness to make room for his muscles. 

Director James Wan, though best known for the gruesome Saw franchise and the spooky The Conjuring universe, is proving to be a director who can do just about anything. It helps that he transitioned from horror movies to The Fast and the Furious franchise to Aquaman. Aquaman takes the self-seriousness of Wan’s horror work and combines it with the whacked out nonsense of the Furious franchise to create something that is incredibly silly but seriously well made. 

It’s a tricky tone that Aquaman has to pull off in order to not be laughed off the screen and James Wan nails it. Aquaman is silly in the way the Fast and Furious franchise is but it has the competence and chops of Wan's lower budget horror work. It’s a rather masterful piece of direction which manages to make great use of monstrous CGI without losing sight of the compelling characters at the heart of the story. 

Aquaman is not anything to be taken seriously but Wan is not careless, he takes pains to create a believable, dramatic world for Aquaman to exist within. This lends a context of believability to Aquaman, I believe in the universe that Aquaman exists in. It has a lived-in quality even as it is at times slick and stylized to an almost ludicrous degree. Mamoa’s earthy approach to Arthur, that includes some genuine vulnerability and humor, keeps Aquaman, the character and the movie, human and sympathetic. 

Mamoa isn’t going to win an Oscar anytime soon but he’s shown remarkable growth from Justice League to here with Aquaman. The all swaggering macho nonsense of Justice League is here shattered in favor of a lovable lug persona who happens to have super-strength, speed, agility and will. I was concerned that Mamoa would be the weakest part of Aquaman, given his lackluster and limited filmic track record but he’s far better than what I imagined.  

For Mamoa and for James Wan’s remarkable direction that manages to keep this unwieldy, untidy monstrosity in a human and relatable place, I feel comfortable recommending Aquaman to anyone who has been curious about this character. If you liked Jason Mamoa from Game of Thrones or Justice League, you will very much enjoy him in Aquaman where he delivers a superstar performance filled with good humor, charisma and machismo. 

Movie Review The Expendables

The Expendables (2010) 

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Written by David Callaham, Sylvester Stallone 

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Stone Cold Steve Austin

Release Date August 13th, 2010 

Published August 12th, 2010

Take your hands and press them against the sides of your head. Now, hold them there and press as hard as you can. Stay that way for the next 103 minutes and you will have an equivalent experience to having seen “The Expendables,” Sylvester Stallone's latest desperate attempt to remain relevant.

”The Expendables” stars Stallone alongside a rogue’s gallery of has-beens, wannabes, never-wears and Oscar nominee Mickey Rourke lending his rediscovered cool to the proceedings. The has beens include Jason Statham and Jet Li as Christmas and Yang, two of Stallone's, aka Barney, fellow mercenaries for hire, former military specialists now available to the highest bidder.

Also on the team UFC champion Randy Couture, former NFL player Terry Crews and sad, pathetic former B-movie star Dolph Lundgren. Together this ragtag band is off to some unknown isle to battle today's bad guy du jour, the rogue CIA agent. This time he's played by Eric Roberts in fine high camp form.

Stallone wrote, directed and stars in “The Expendables'' and much like his previous auteurist efforts like “Rocky ..2”.. through infinity and the recent “Rambo'' reboot, “The Expendables'' has flashes of inspiration but is mostly amateurish, off key and gut punching loud and violent. Clearly, this won't be an issue for the core of Stallone's audience, those already punch-drunk from months of UFC pay per views and neck vein popping work outs. For those seeking coherence or a story The Expendables is torturous. Call it water-boarding for the soul. 

There are times when “The Expendables” feels as if it is pummeling the audience's visual and auditory fists. Stallone and his editing team cut “The Expendables” in a fashion that will spin the heads of even the most cut friendly music video directors. Fight scenes are placed in a blender with images so randomly thrust forward it's impossible to tell whose head is being busted. 

This likely helped the aging cast look a little sprayer; Mr. Statham is the only member of the male cast under the age of 40. I say male cast rather unnecessarily as Charisma Carpenter and Giselle Itie are the only female cast members but neither is nothing more than a minor damsel in distress subplot. 

When “The Expendables” slows down for moments of dialogue the editing remains front and center thanks to Sly's bizarre angles; he really thinks angling off of mirrors is clever direction. If you manage to not be distracted by the editing be prepared for nonsense dialogue meant to make the characters seem quirky, instead it just makes the whole movie flaky and cheese ridden. 

I would love to say that you could enjoy “The Expendables” on a camp level, especially the scene featuring Stallone hanging off the side of a sea plane on take off in fine physics defying fashion, but sadly the whole of “The Expendables” is too harsh for any enjoyment to escape.

Even “The Expendables” centerpiece bit of camp, Stallone uniting his old Planet Hollywood pals Bruce Willis and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, falls flat because  of Stallone's bizarre direction. Through odd camera angles and strange cuts it's impossible to tell if Schwarzenegger, Willis and Stallone were ever actually on screen at the same time. Willis and Stallone are in frame together briefly and Stallone and Schwarzenegger are as well but never all three unless Stallone's editing team was truly so horrible that they cut the three shots, that's possible.

What's more likely is that this meeting of the action hero minds never happened and was faked in the editing. To be fair, it was a cheap ploy anyway, hard to criticize it for that. Still, it's disappointing, especially when seeing Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Willis together on screen, even for 2 or 3 minutes of mindless exposition, was the one minor pleasure that might have escaped the dreariness that is “The Expendables.”

Movie Review: 'Creed 2'

Creed 2 (2018) 

Directed by Stephen Caple Jr 

Written by Juel Taylor, Sylvester Stallone 

Starring Michael B Jordan, Sylvester Stallone, Tessa Thompson, Wood Harris, Dolph Lundgren 

Release Date November 21st, 2018 

Published November 20th 2018

Sylvester Stallone is perhaps the most frustrating actor on the planet. Much like Adam Sandler, we know how talented Stallone is, but we can never understand why they so often do not use that talent. Movies like Creed and Creed 2 are my thesis statements for how Stallone is and has been a remarkable talent throughout his career. It could just be that the character of Rocky Balboa gives Stallone a kick in the pants but I believe he’s just a great performer who chose to chase paychecks at the expense of his talent. 

Creed 2 is not Rocky’s story but damned if Stallone doesn’t once again steal the show from his young counterpart Michael B. Jordan, a talented young actor in his own right. Rocky is how the first Creed came to be and Rocky remains the driving force of the franchise even as he’s only a supporting player. Stallone invests deeply in Rocky and his performance lifts the film well past any sports movie cliches and into a realm of excellence. 

Creed 2 begins with our hero Adonis Creed at his most successful. Adonis is in the ring fighting for the World Heavyweight Championship with Rocky in his corner. Creed is focused and determined and while he’s not dominating his opponent, he’s outclassing him with his technique and just like that, Adonis Creed is the champ. Most sports movies build to this point but Creed has other lessons to impart and thus the title fight is only the beginning. 

Somewhere in the Ukraine, in bombed out gyms on the edge of bombed out towns we see a familiar old face. Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) is at ringside with his monster of a son Viktor Drago (Florian Monteanu) in the ring hurting people. In the crowd is a promoter named Buddy Marcelle (Russell Hornsby) who has gone all the way to the Ukraine because he could smell money. The idea of Creed versus Drago is one few shyster promoters could pass up. 

For the uninitiated, Ivan Drago is the fighter who killed Apollo Creed in the boxing ring in 1986, as depicted in Rocky 4. Sensing a media sensation, Marcelle returns to Philadelphia with the Drago’s in tow intending to get a big payday by antagonizing Adonis Creed into a fight. The ruse works despite Rocky refusing to be in Adonis’ corner for the bout and the title will be defended. What happens next you should see for yourself when you see Creed. 

There are elements here that don’t quite work so let’s get those out of the way quickly. The character of Buddy Marcelle is a giant waste of time. I like actor Russell Hornsby but the way he’s filmed in the movie places a weight and importance on him that isn’t part of the movie. Director Steven Caple Jr makes Marcelle appear important with portentous cuts to him watching Creed’s title fight and him watching Drago in the Ukraine. 

Marcelle has one scene with Adonis Creed in which he taunts Creed with why he thinks Adonis has to take the fight and then he’s pretty much done for the movie. He’s entirely worthless. At a certain point in the movie, Ivan Drago becomes the guy pushing for the fight to happen and Marcelle is a shadow of a character. Why was such importance placed on him? He was kind of a plot bridge but the movie could happen entirely without him. 

Thankfully, that’s my main gripe with Creed 2. One unnecessary and poorly crafted character doesn’t ruin the movie. It just stuck in my brain a little and bugged me. The rest of Creed 2 is far better constructed. The film settles on questions of fathers and sons, of pride and vanity. Michael B. Jordan’s Adonis is playing out the insecurities of his character via boxing and ego. It’s a wonderfully well motivated performance of complex and involving emotions. 

Michael B. Jordan is as strong as you expect him to be, considering what a great run he’s on having soared into super-stardom in Black Panther earlier this year. What I found unexpected was the performance of Sylvester Stallone who is better than ever as Rocky. This war horse character has aged brilliantly and Creed 2 gives us a sense of the entire scope of Rocky’s life in just a few short scenes. 

Adonis fights Drago twice in Creed 2 and Rocky makes both fights even more compelling with how he is portrayed. Rocky watching the first fight is heart rending and him getting Creed ready for the second fight is exciting and powerful to the point where the outcome of the fight doesn’t matter. By then the lessons have been learned and the fight is a glorious exclamation point on, arguably, the best training sequence in any boxing movie ever. 

No joke, I thought the young man sitting next to me was going to go jump into a fight immediately after the movie just from being so pumped up by this killer sequence. This series of scenes set to a powerful hip hop and orchestral score is completely awesome. I kind of wanted to fight after this sequence. The sweat and the pain of this sequence are awesomely visceral and compelling to the point that the fight is almost a nice way to settle down for the final act of the movie. 

Creed 2 is not quite as artful as the original but, to be fair, that film had a genuine auteur in Ryan Coogler behind the camera. Steven Caple Jr has a ways to go but he’s off to a really great start here. Creed is a wildly entertaining movie, good enough to escape the stink of the sports movie genre, if not strong enough to be a truly great movie. The film has minor flaws but the big takeaways are Stallone is incredible when he wants to be and the Creed movies may have legs for another outing. 

I wish Sylvester Stallone had spent more time in his career actually acting. As Creed and Creed 2 show when he wants to, he can turn on the craft. It’s not just the nostalgia for the character of Rocky at play, though that is some of it. The reality is that Stallone can turn the acting on and off when he wants to, when he’s motivated to be great, he can be transcendentally good and that’s what we see in Creed and in this sequel.