Movie Review: Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2009) 

Directed by Kevin Smith

Written by Kevin Smith 

Starring Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Craig Robinson, Tracy Lords

Release Date October 31st, 2009

Published October 30th, 2009

The loquacious Kevin Smith is back with Zack and Miri Make Miri Make a Porno. For his first feature since 2006's Clerks sequel, Smith has ripped a page from the current king of comedy Judd Apatow. Stealing two of the Apatow repertory company, Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks, Smith goes for the same mix of foul mouthed maturity that Apatow has turned into a cash machine.

Zack (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) have been friends since the first grade. Now nearing 30 they find themselves stranded together in go nowhere lives, living in an apartment they can barely afford in a sex free friend zone. When the power and water get shut off and it looks like they may be booted from their apartment, they need a cash money idea and they need it now.

Over a few beers and following a bizarre encounter with a gay porn star (Justin Long) at their high school reunion, Zack hits on an idea. Make a porn movie. Miri is dubious of the idea but with no idea of her own she allows Zack to convince her if he can find the cash to fund the production. Enter Zack's co-worker Delaney (Craig Robinson).

Delaney has money he saved up for a flat screen TV. When Zack tells him that producing a porno movie could double that amount, and that a producer has to handle auditions involving nudity, he jumps at the chance. Zack writes the script and a ragtag bunch including the impressively tumescent Lester (Jason Mewes), the aptly named Bubbles (Tracey Lords) and bubble headed stripper Stacey round out the cast for what will be a star wars themed porno movie.

Issues arise and force things in a different direction but the biggest surprise of the shoot for Zack and Miri is their reaction to their own love scene which uncovers feelings both have ignored for many, many years.

Kevin Smith directs Zack and Miri with his usual ear for tight, funny, foul mouthed dialogue. Zack and Miri may in fact be even more foul than usual for the master of the f-word laced invective. The curse per line average on Zack and Miri is enough to make the great Sam Peckinpah cringe. It works however because stars Steth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks treat the dialogue as completely second nature. An old hat sort of patter that only old friends could share. Best of all, it's not just foul, it's funny.

That said, Zack and Miri isn't without excess. The casting of Brandon 'Superman' Routh and Justin Long as a gay couple and a scene so filthy that some may have to leave the theater in disgust aren't funny and are really unnecessary. In the case of that truly disgusting scene, Smith is even clumsy in his dialogue, setting the scene twice and tipping his hand repeatedly. I appreciate the warning Kev but the scene was still unnecessary.

Seth Rogan has grown quickly into one of the most likable actors working today. Whether it's his foul mouthed teddy bear veneer or his real talent for dramatic moments, Rogan earns every inch of your sympathy and care even as he can repel some viewers, not me but some, with his overly energetic cursing. Rogan may be an unlikely romantic leading man in the classical sense but in the post irony era Rogan's obscenity laced sincerity is the picture of the modern romantic icon.

Working with a maestro dirty word, Kevin Smith who has made a career of mixing troubled romance with manchild curse-laden coming of age, Rogan is right at home. His ease puts the rest of the cast at ease as seen in Elizabeth Banks' awkward but sweet performance and Craig Robinson's cantankerously loving turn as Zack's other best friend.

Robinson's briefly glimpsed relationship with his wife (Tisha Campbell) reminds me of a quote I heard recently, a well known woman was asked about divorce and said "Have I thought of divorce? No. Murder yes, but not divorce.

Zach and Miri make a Porno is not Kevin Smith's strongest effort. The casting invokes way too much of Judd Apatow's oeuvre and the disturbing sex scenes often cross that barrier between hilarious and creepy. Nevertheless, few writers have Smith's ear for the way characters speak, the way they interact. The dialogue is so natural and so naturally funny that you can't help but get caught up in the fun.

Yes, you will likely walk out of Zack and Miri Make A Porno cursing up a storm, in a good way. Just wait till you  get back to the car to start dropping those F-bombs.

Movie Review: Cop Out

Cop Out (2010) 

Directed by Kevin Smith

Written by Kevin Smith

Starring Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Rashida Jones, Michelle Trachtenberg

Release Date February 26th, 2010 

Published February 25th, 2010 

Let's get one thing straight, I am in fact a Kevin Smith apologist. I have loved all of Kevin's movies, yes even Jersey Girl, loved it. Thus, I remove any thought of objectivity from this review of Cop Out. I am a Kevin Smith fan and I liked Cop Out. While other critics seem to delight in trashing this harmless, filthy mouthed throwback to 80's buddy cop movies, I sat back and laughed uproariously.

Cop Out stars Bruce Willis and Tracey Morgan as detectives Jimmy Monroe and Paul Hodges. They seem like total opposites; Jimmy is laid back yet menacing while Paul is wild and outlandish. Yet, they have been partners for years with a notable reputation, good cops who tend to find trouble.

The latest trouble involves getting an informant killed and blowing a major undercover drug sting. This gets them suspended for a month. Meanwhile, Jimmy is trying to find the cash to pay for his daughter's (Michelle Trachtenberg) wedding and Paul suspects that his wife (Rashida Jones). These subplots offer funny sidelights for Jason Lee and Sean William Scott.

The meat of the plot unfolds when Jimmy gets robbed of a valuable baseball card and he and Jimmy set out to retrieve it. Naturally, the card lands in the hands of the drug dealer who they were after in the first place and none of this is really all that interesting or important. The plot of Cop Out is secondary to Smith, Willis and Morgan hamming it up in homage to the great buddy cop movies of the 80's.

Kevin Smith is the perfect director for Cop Out. The film is both a send up of and a loving tribute to goofball buddy cop movies. Smith being a virtual pop culture almanac delivers on every beat of the buddy cop movies we love right down to a synth pop score that only Harold Faltermeyer could really appreciate.

Kevin Smith, Bruce Willis and Tracey Morgan dive headlong into the parody fun not with obvious, Naked Gun style gags but by doing exactly what an 80's buddy cop movie did but with Kevin Smith style language, filled with plenty of four letter words and references that will someday make a great drinking game.

Is Cop Out a great movie? No. The plot is slapdash the subplot payoffs are meaningless and don't even start on the continuity errors. None of that however, really matters because Cop Out is what it sets out to be, a goofball tribute to the buddy cop movies that dominated the 1980's. Forget the Filmmaker Magazine critiques; this is fun stuff for an audience seeking a mindless toss back to the movies they loved in the 80's.

Movie Review Live Free or Die Hard

Live Free or Die Hard (2007) 

Directed by Len Wiseman

Written by Mark Bomback

Starring Bruce Willis, Justin Long, Timothy Olyphant, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Maggie Q, Kevin Smith

Release Date June 27th, 2007

Published June 26th, 2007 

It's official, the Die Hard series has jumped the shark, to appropriate a TV term. Or maybe it's a literal term, there may have been an actual shark jumped in Live Free Or Die Hard. Lord knows director Len Wiseman has every other type of mayhem imaginable crammed into this over the top Tom and Jerry meets Wile E. Coyote concoction of cartoon action hero histrionics.

And yet, how cool is Bruce Willis that no matter how brainless the action, he never fails to entertain.

If there is one character in our cultural stew who can relate to 24's Jack Bauer; it's John McClane. This New York City cop has seen dangerous situations that only Kiefer Sutherland's CTU agent could relate to. In his latest entanglement, detective McClane finds himself smack dab in the middle of a cyber terrorism attack by a group formed inside our own government.

Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) was once the go to guy in Washington when it came to cyber terrorism. However, when the government refused to listen to all of his warnings, he went rogue and decided to demostrate the possibilities of a cyber terror attack on America's infrastructure, and if he can get paid big bucks along the way, so be it.

Employing some of the greatest hackers in the country to help him carry off his attack, Gabriel sets in motion a plan that eventually leads to detective McClane getting stuck with a young hacker named Matthew Farrell (Justin Long) who unwittingly contributed some important info to the bad guys. McClane is tasked with getting the kid to Homeland Security in Washington but along the way the bad guys try to kill him. Let's just say, John McClane does not take kindly to being targeted for death.

Bruce Willis has an endless supply of cool and charisma that he can tap with a curl of his lip and a snarling curse word and he makes a good solid living off those characteristics in Live Free Or Die Hard. The rare working parts of this otherwise execrable piece of action trash is Willis' charm and his comic chemistry with the talented comic Long.

Live Free Or Die Hard plays like Michael Bay by way of Ed Wood. Director Len Wiseman, he of the Underworld movies, you know those vampire flicks about Kate Beckinsale's butt in tight black spandex; those Underworld movies, Len Wiseman directs Live Free Or Die Hard with a callous disregard for the brains of his audience. And, by the way, there is yet another hot babe in tight spandex, martial arts master Maggie Q, for good measure.

Like the old Dave Thomas-John Candy characters on SCTV, Wiseman's only joy comes from watching stuff blow up, blow up good. Early on it's Willis shooting a fire extinguisher with the precision of a military marksman; leading to the kind of explosion only McGyver could recreate. Later the film abandons even a television level of reality as John McClane drives up an embankment in a tunnel and dives out as the car flies directly into a helicopter.

Later, John drives a semi-truck that is attacked and destroyed by rockets and bullets from a harrier jet. McClane survives, as does some portion of the driving part of the semi which drives up a crumbling portion of overpass, also destroyed by the jet. Eventually John must abandon the truck and when does, he ends up landing on top of the soon to crash jet and then out running the jet as a giant fireball.

It's all so ludicrous that indeed it does take on a camp quality that makes it all goofily entertaining.

Live Free or Die Hard is high camp. With mind numbing explosions and mind blowing mindlessness, the film surpasses some of the greats of the high action, low brain power genre. A most recent comparison, Mr. and Mrs Smith starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, a film that fired more bullets than your average war and featured more evil henchmen than a James Bond villain convention, is really the only film in the last decade that can match Live Free or Die Hard explosion for explosion.

Both films are equally entertaining and that is because of pure starpower. Bruce Willis is such a force of personality that no matter how ludicrous the film becomes we in the audience are still emotionally involved and even compelled because we love this guy and this character so much. Whether it's years of earned loyalty from four movies in the series or simply the force of Willis' charisma, there is no denying the awesome star wattage of Bruce Willis.

Even as the film is a sieve in the brain department, the screenplay by committee does manage a few good chuckles at the expense of other film franchises. References to Spiderman and Transformers are just a couple of the meta moments from this otherwise brain free movie. Other inside moments include numerous references to the original Diehard.

Final Destination star Mary Elizabeth Winstead appears in Live Free or Die Hard as Lucy McClane, John's now grown daughter. Her inclusion here is really only as plot addendum to be used to refer to the first film. Yes, she does become involved in the climax of the film but that really is the lesser part of her purpose here.

And the final joke of Live Free or Die Hard is the use of director Kevin Smith in the role of Warlock, a hacker who lives in his mom's basement. Smith is legendary online for his love of all things movies, including the Die Hard series. His inclusion is one of many nods to and knocks on the internet community that has been a Live Free or Die Hard constituency since the film was rumored years ago with Bruce starring alongside Britney Spears as Lucy McClane. Sadly, screenwriters couldn't find a meta way to work a Britney joke into the script.

Live Free or Die Hard would be unforgivably dimwitted if it were not for Bruce Willis whose star persona is so powerful you can almost forgive all of the deplorable excess of his latest film. The Diehard franchise has likely run its course and there is certainly no need nor want for more of the tortured life of John McClane. So, if Live Free or Die Hard is in fact the final installment, let us remember John McClane as the most charismatic of our action heroes, an everyman superhero in street clothes who goes above and beyond the call of duty and the bounds of logic for our entertainment.

Bless you John McClane, and here's to what we hope will be a long and fruitful retirement.

Movie Review: Catch and Release

Catch and Release (2007) 

Directed by Susannah Grant 

Written by Susannah Grant 

Starring Jennifer Garner, Kevin Smith, Timothy Olyphant, Sam Jaeger, Fiona Shaw, Juliette Lewis 

Release Date January 26th, 2007

Published January 25th, 2007 

Jennifer Garner is a stunner. Those lips; perfectly bee stung. That body honed from spy play on TV's Alias. And that perfectly indefinable quality that stars have, the effortless ability to be ephemeral. She's got all the assets necessary for stardom and she needs every trick in the bag to make the light breezy romance of Catch and Release work.

A romantic comedy that desperately wants to be more than it is, a female Cameron Crowe movie, an examination of life, death and grief, a sexy romp. The thin characters and thinner premise can only manage a surface level affability that, with a lesser actress in the lead would fail miserably.

Gray (Garner) has lost the love of her life. Her fiance Grady decided to go skiing days before their wedding and died in an accident on the slopes. At his funeral she is trapped with his family and their mutual friends and desperately wants to escape. Hiding in a bathroom she is mortified to accidentally witness Grady's best friend Fritz (Timothy Olyphant) hooking up with the caterer. Gray never liked Fritz before and this does little to improve things.

Unfortunately for Gray; Fritz is staying at the same place she is. Unable to move into the home she was to share with her fiancee, Gray moves in with their closest friends Sam (Kevin Smith) and Dennis (Sam Jaeger). Over the course of the week after Grady's death these four characters each deal with grief in their own unique ways and are tested by revelations about Grady's life that no one, except maybe Fritz might have expected.

The story of Catch and Release wants to be smarter and deeper than it is. Director Susannah Grant, a screenwriter (Charlotte's Web, In Her Shoes) by trade, directing her first feature, at times evokes a lighter version of the warm, nostalgic prose style of Cameron Crowe. What she lacks is Crowe's wit and ear for great dialogue.

The subject of Catch and Release is grief and how different people deal with it. But this is a romantic comedy so, much more time is devoted to developing roadblocks to romance than to delving deeper into the psyches of these characters where director Susannah Grant really seems to want to go. Why else would the movie devote so much time to each characters own quirky way of dealing with their friends death.

Romantic comedy formula tells you that when a male and female character loathe one another; they will eventually fall in love. This leaves the writer-director the challenge of finding ways to put up roadblocks to the couples eventual happiness. In Catch and Release, writer-director Susannah Grant has few new tricks up her sleeve.

There is nothing new here. Grant follows the romance formula. Her only hope was that her stars would be likable enough for us to feel comfortable inside the formula. And we are comfortable. Jennifer Garner is warm and sensitive and easy to fall for. Timothy Olyphant is roguish and charming and we root for him to redeem himself after his wretched introduction.

Then there is the movie's secret weapon, writer-director Kevin Smith. The man behind Silent Bob isn't much of an actor, as he readily admits, but trading off his famously self effacing personality, Smith's self deprecation and vocal mannerisms are terrifically funny. Whenever the film seems to lag a little Smith energizes things with a good joke. It's a bit of a cheat, Smith's Sam threatens to become more of a comic device than a character, but Smith is so much fun that you are unlikely to notice.

Catch and Release teeters on the verge of complete collapse. However, thanks to the megawatt smile of star Jennifer Garner and her unending likability, Catch and Release is a passably entertaining romantic comedy worth your time on DVD or cable in a few months.

Movie Review: Clerks 2

Clerks 2 (2006) 

Directed by Kevin Smith

Written by Kevin Smith 

Starring Brian O'Halloran, Kevin Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith

Release Date July 21st, 2006 

Published July 20th, 2006 

I am a huge Kevin Smith fan. I own all of his movies, have listened to the DVD commentaries, I even loved Jersey Girl! So maybe I am not the most objective person to review Clerks 2. Dante and Randal, the lead characters of the original Clerks, are like old friends of mine because of the many repeat viewings of that film and revisiting them is like seeing old friends after a longtime away.

Nevertheless, it is my job to review movies and that provides me the pleasure of once again indulging in the pop culture literate, bathroom humor and far out scatology of my old friend, whom I've never met, Kevin Smith.

In Clerks, Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randal (Kevin Anderson) had a very eventful day at work at the Kwik Stop and adjoining video store, and Dante wasn't even supposed to be there that day. They played hockey on the roof, sold cigarettes' to minors, a guy died in the bathroom, and Dante broke up with his loving girlfriend Veronica to go back to his old girlfriend Caitlin and lost her when she accidentally screwed the aforementioned dead guy in the bathroom; she thought he was Dante.

10 years later, Dante and Randal are still working at the stores. That is until they find the building burned to the ground in an accident likely to have been Randal's fault. Months later the boys are not exactly better off. Having accepted work at Moobies fast food restaurant; they remain underappreciated wage slaves wasting their lives.

Things may be turning around for Dante. He has decided to marry his new girlfriend Emma (Jennifer Shwalbach Smith) and she has in turn promised him financial security in Florida courtesy of her father. Facing the loss of his closest, really his only friend, Randal decides to make Dante's last day in Jersey memorable or convince him not to leave at all.

Dante may have another reason, aside from Randal, not to leave Jersey. His boss Becky (Rosario Dawson) and he, have been carrying on a hot flirtation that includes at least one passionate tryst in the kitchen after closing time. Becky is sad to see Dante go and makes this clear in one of the films many flights of fancy, an all out, cast wide musical number set to the Jackson 5's ABC.

In the fantasy world of Kevin Smith that has made room for angels and god and actors who play several different characters within the same sphere of people; who can begrudge a giant musical number. It's a bit of a stretch, especially since the original Clerks was grounded in reality, but its such a joyous and lively choreographed number I can forgive the loss of realism.

Its even easier to forgive once the film gets back to its own manufactured reality and begins to give new life to these beloved characters. The relationship between Dante and Randal is mined for great comedy and in the end a little pathos and love. Like Jay and Silent Bob, Dante and Randal are heterosexual life partners, forever entwined in each others lives and we want nothing more than to see them together forever, in a totally not gay way.

Admittedly, much of Clerks 2 plays like Kevin Smith's greatest hits. The scatology, the pop culture references, an argument involving Star Wars and Jay and Silent Bob holding up the walls, all of this is crammed into Clerks 2. And yet, despite the been there done that vibe, these characters are so fun and the humor so strong that who cares that it's all a little too familiar.

My favorite scene in the film is one that many might consider the most played out and predictable. Randal and new Moobies co-worker Elias (Trevor Fehrman) along with a customer played by former Alias cast member Kevin Weisman get into a debate over the merits of Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings. Kevin Anderson nails this scene in typical Randal fashion making salient points about arguably the most meaningless things.

Again, I am not the right critic to review Kevin Smith's work. I am an apologist and an unabashed fan of his work and I forgive him almost anything. Even I can see the cracks of Clerks 2 but I won't acknowledge them beyond forgiving them and focusing on the positives in the film of which there are many. Is Kevin Smith basically delivering a greatest hits collection with Clerks 2? Yes. But when your greatest hits are this good its worth it.

Movie Review Jersey Girl

Jersey Girl (2004) 

Directed by Kevin Smith

Written by Kevin Smith

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, George Carlin, Liv Tyler, Raquel Castro 

Release Date March 26th, 2004 

Published March 25th, 2004 

Screw Gigli

In my review of Gigli, I must admit a good deal of my venom can be attributed to the effect that dog was going to have on Kevin Smith's Jersey Girl. With moron entertainment writers attempting to consume Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, any chance Jersey Girl had at reaching the wide audience it so richly deserved was lost. The only comfort is that great movies are never appreciated in their time. Jersey Girl, Kevin Smith's most mature and blatantly romantic film, will play endlessly on TV where casual movie watchers will have the chance to discover this egregiously overlooked, wonderfully heartfelt film.

Ben Affleck stars as Oliver Trinke, a big time P.R guy. Ollie has bigtime clients for whom he crafts terrific lies, manipulations and exultations. On the bright side Ollie is honest, even lovable in his private life where he has big love with Gert (Jennifer Lopez). When Ollie takes Gert home to Highlands New Jersey to meet his father Bart (George Carlin) she passes the final test and he asks her to marry him. It's not long before she is pregnant and the couple’s happiness seems unending.

However this is only 15 minutes into the movie, obviously something big has to happen. While giving birth to her daughter Gert has an aneurysm and dies. Ollie is devastated. Gert's death affects every aspect of his life. He neglects his baby, named Gertie for her mother, he alienates his father by dropping the baby on him while he goes back to work. And finally in one devastating moment of truth, Ollie blows up at work and is out of a job.

Seven years later Ollie is living back in Jersey with his dad and instead of power lunches manipulating magazine editors, Ollie drives a street sweeper. He does have a much better perspective on his daughter Gertie (Raquel Castro) whom he is absolutely devoted to. Not just her though, the memory of his wife has held him back from any other woman for the past seven years. That changes when he meets Maya (Liv Tyler) , a video store clerk with a quirky straightforward manner that is disquieting and endearing at the same time.

The film’s main conflict arises from Ollie's desperate need to go back to the way things were before his wife died and his new reality in New Jersey. This is Kevin Smith's most mature and smart writing in his relatively short career. Taken from his own experience as a first time father (his daughter Harley has a blink and you'll miss it cameo), Smith writes from a knowing and observant perspective that feels as real as anything he wrote in the equally observant Chasing Amy.

Smith clearly loves this material and that feeling flows through every aspect of Jersey Girl from the actors who share his passion to the look of the film which is the most professional and tightly controlled of his career. I must admit however there is a part of me that longs for the grainy, misshapen, happenstance look that made Clerks and Chasing Amy feel so real life. This film is clearly the Hollywood dream factory of perfect architecture, makeup, lighting with far less of the lived-in feel of Smith's earlier films.

What is it with this hatred of Ben Affleck? No actor has had to suffer the kind of blatant jealous bile, other than maybe Tom Cruise. For me, Affleck can damn near do no wrong, I mean, I loved Daredevil! In Jersey Girl, much as Kevin Smith's direction feels more professional and mature, so does Affleck's performance which ranks right behind Chasing Amy as his best work. Watch his breakdown in the hospital and the speech to his baby daughter immediately after and I beg you to tell me how you cannot love this guy.

The supporting cast is also terrific, especially George Carlin as Bart. This is a performance that would garner some very good buzz if Gigli had not rendered this film dead on arrival. Liv Tyler sparks perfectly with Affleck as the free spirit with a big heart and a mouth with no filter. Unlike the game playing of most romantic comedy protagonists, Tyler's character says what she thinks and acts on it, a characteristic that helps make Jersey Girl so different from most mainstream films of its genre.

Young Raquel Castro is the real star of Jersey Girl. Once you get over the initial shock of how much she looks like Jennifer Lopez and you start watching her performance you forget she's acting. Those cute kid moments are there, but watch for a scene late in the movie after she and Ben have had a huge fight. The scene is one of forgiveness and great tenderness and she plays it so well.

Maybe I'm the wrong guy to review this movie. I am horribly biased in favor of Smith and Affleck and I have a connection to the film’s plot on an emotional level that affects my objectivity. When I had what I believed was my one true love, she died. Unlike Ollie in the movie, I was left with nothing to remember of her except the pain of the loss. Anyone who says that Affleck overplays the pain of that hospital scene doesn't know what he or she is talking about, they obviously have never lost someone they care about.

Sorry to get maudlin and personal but I always try to write from a very personal reference point and so a film like this has an inside track with me. All of that aside, I honestly loved this movie. Jersey Girl is funny, smart and sweet. Kevin Smith's writing has always been strong and here his direction is beginning to catch up with his writing. It's a shame he has passed on directing The Green Hornet but if it means another Clerks or another more romantic and personal film like Jersey Girl then maybe he and we are better off, though I think Green Hornet would kick ass.

Finally can we please lay off the Affleck bashing? If you don't like Affleck fine but I challenge you to listen to the commentary tracks on the Mallrats, Chasing Amy and Jersey Girl DVDs and come away still hating the guy. Face it Affleck is da bomb!

Movie Review: TMNT

TMNT (2007) 

Directed by Kevin Munroe

Written by Kevin Munroe 

Starring Chris Evans, Patrick Stewart, Sarah Michelle Geller, Kevin Smith, Mako, Ziyi Zhang

Release Date March 23rd, 2007 

Published March 22nd, 2007

Yet another retread of the Teenage Mutant Turtles attacks our cultural consciousness and as with so many copies of an original, it is dulled and less compelling, a copy of a copy really. Directed by a videogame veteran with videogame sensibilities, TMNT looks more like an ad for the TMNT game on the XBox 360 than like a feature length film.

The brothers, Leonardo, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Donatello, who make up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crime fighting team, want only to be on the streets fighting crime and scarfing pizza. However, their sensei Master Shredder has forced them to give up crime fighting out of fear for their safety, not merely from the bad guys but from the good guys who could not easily accept talking turtles.

Each of the turtles has found their own way to deal with seclusion. Michaelangelo and Donatello perform at kids parties, dressed as turtles(?). Leonardo has thrown himself into training with Master Shredder. Raphael, on the other hand, has taken to vigilante-ism. Taking to the streets under the guise of the Nightwatcher, Raphael is inviting a number of dangerous encounters.

When his activities are exposed it leads to a rift between Leonardo and Raphael that nearly comes to blows. However, Raphael's activities do expose the crimes of a shady businessman who has teamed with a group of ninja assassins to steal 13 warrior statues that once gathered can be made real and used to take over or destroy the world.

Directed by video game veteran Kevin Munroe, TMNT delivers a view of the Ninja Turtles that seems to want to be a little darker than previous incarnations. Their is the sense that Munroe and screenwriter Peter Laird want to delve a little deeper into these characters and their motivations. Sadly, they abandon this idea early on in favor of some truly moronic and insulting humor and kid friendly action scenes.

Restricted by the typical rules of kiddie flick etiquette, Munroe and Laird give up any notion of creating really compelling characters and an engaging coming of age story in favor of simpleminded lessons and tropes about family and doing the right thing. Oh and a bit of bathroom humor, also a staple of this vacuous type of story.

There is some promise to TMNT early on and it comes in a showdown between Leonardo and Raphael in his guise of the Nightwatcher. Not knowing who the Nightwatcher really is, Leonardo engages him and the two fight until Raphael's real identity is revealed. The tension extends back home and the conflict is genuine and compelling.

Unfortunately, this interesting bit is quickly forgotten about and the typical tropes about loyalty, family and doing the right thing take center stage in all of their unambiguous, black and white forms. I'm not saying TMNT was ever going to offer great conflict or drama, but this story was interesting before it was jettisoned in favor of more simply manipulated emotions.

As for the animation, keep in mind that director Kevin Munroe comes from a video game background. TMNT looks so much like a videogame that you may be tempted to search around your seat for a controller. The animation of videogames have made great leaps in recent years but movies require a good deal more than mere kinetic, quick cut images.

Conditioned by the beautiful work of the team at Pixar, CG animation is now an art form and if a cartoon feature cannot match the beauty of Ratatouille, Cars or Monsters Inc, we aren't as interested or engaged. Pixar and the teams at Dreamworks Animation (Shrek) and the terrific Sony crew (Ice Age), have raised the bar in CG animation and a film as flat and colorless as TMNT pales in comparison.

Without a great story to pick up for the lack of great visuals, TMNT flounders and becomes tedious by the time the end comes in a mere 84 minutes.

TMNT is a flat, uninspired recreation of an inspired group of characters. The potential was there, but the imagination and daring were lacking leaving TMNT to be yet another product of kid-centric marketing. The makers of TMNT may have been better served dropping the turtles directly into television commercials for Pizza and pop, rather than wasting millions on a theatrical feature.

It's clear from watching TMNT that the only value of these characters can be found in their salability rather than their depth of character. Why not cut out the middleman and just make commercials and toys.