Movie Review: 40 Days and 40 Nights

40 Days and 40 Nights (2002) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Robert Perez

Starring Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossomon, Paulo Costanzo, Vinessa Shaw, Griffin Dunne, Monet Mazur

Release Date March 1st 2002 

Published February 27th 2002 

In the 1980's, guys attempting to get laid became a genre all it's own. In the 90's however, political correctness threatened to destroy the horny guy movie. Now in 2002, things have become so inverted that we have a film featuring a guy doing all he can to not get laid. What is this world coming to? 40 Days & 40 Nights stars Josh Hartnett as Matt, a web designer recovering from a bad breakup by having a lot of meaningless sex. After finding sex not to be the answer, Matt decides to go in the opposite direction, no sex at all. 

Of course it is then that he meets the girl of his dreams, Erica (Shannyn Sossamon). Matt decides to try to just be friends with Erica but mistakenly does not explain his current no-sex crusade. Matt's friend and Roommate Ryan (Road Trip's Paulo Costanzo) finds out what he's up to and seize the opportunity to start a website to take bets as to whether Ryan can hold out the full 40 days. 

From there we are treated to the usual romantic comedy situations that desperately throw up lame roadblocks to keep the lovebirds apart. Of course all of the complications could be avoided if the characters were honest with one another, but if they did that there wouldn't be any movie. Director Michael Lehman obviously knew his story was weak so he also throws in a little gross-out humor to fill out the film’s just-over-90 minute runtime.

40 Days & 40 Nights is a well-crafted film. It is well shot, the performances are good. Hartnett occasionally looks like he is straining for the joke, but for the most part comes off as the likeable doofus the character is supposed to be.

In the end the film isn't bad but it is far from memorable. It is the definition of average.

Movie Review: Torque

Torque (2004) 

Directed by Joseph Kahn 

Written by Matt Johnson

Starring Martin Henderson, Ice Cube, Monet Mazur, Adam Scott, Jay Hernandez

Release Date January 16th, 2004

Published January 16th, 2004

The trailer for Torque is so eye-rollingly derivative as to bring about a physically painful reaction. The trailer inspired in me a groan of such depth it's almost indescribable. The trailer is as big, dumb and loud as any full-length action movie of the last ten years. Ear splitting metal music, dopey, mock tough guy dialogue and stunts so hokey they are beyond laughable. But it would be unfair to review the film based solely on the trailer so I actually went to see Torque and found exactly what the trailer promised it would be and worse.

Martin Henderson stars as motorcycle tough guy/ underwear model (okay not really an underwear model but you know what I mean), Cary Ford. Cary has just returned from Thailand where he was hiding from the Feds after being sought on drug charges. Cary has returned to California to set things right with the cops and get back the girl he left behind, Shane played by Monet Mazur.

With a pair of his old motorcycle buddies, Dalton (Jay Hernandez) and Val (Will Yun Lee), Cary makes his way back to LA but not without starting trouble with the motorcycle gang The Reapers, headed up by Trey (Ice Cube). Cary is able to reconnect with Shane though she fights it for a few minutes. Cary also reconnects with the guy who set him up on the drug charge, a fellow biker named Henry James (Matt Schulze). Cary still has Henry's drugs stashed somewhere and Henry wants them back. Rather than just kick Cary's ass and get the drugs back that way, Henry sets up Cary for the murder of Trey's brother (Rapper Fredro Starr). Henry will help Cary get away from Trey if Cary gives him his drugs back.

Why Henry can't just directly intimidate Cary into giving him his drugs back instead of setting up this byzantine murder plot that also involves a pair of FBI agents played by Dane Cook and Justina Machado, is one of the film’s innumerable plot issues. Then again, why do you need a plot when you have cool looking motorcycles?

Herein lies the problem with Torque. I was willing to give 2 Fast 2 Furious a pass because that film was laughably bad but had the coolest cars. Paul Walker is a terrifically bad actor, so bad that it's enjoyable to have him onscreen just to make fun of him. Torque on the other hand wants to be a better film than 2 Fast 2 Furious and it wants you to know it with lame little jokes about motorcycles being cooler and faster than cars. Unfortunately the motorcycles aren't cooler than the cars and the superior attitude of the film is badly misplaced.

Martin Henderson is a better actor than Paul Walker, which presents a different problem because there isn't much to make fun of. None of the material in the script for Torque is very good yet as delivered by Henderson it's not so terrifically bad that we can make fun of it. It's all just sort of there…it's not good, it's not bad, it's just a dull and derivative.

The action in Torque isn't all that shabby. First-time director Joseph Kahn is a pretty good technician behind the camera and he shoots some okay action stuff. None of it however rises to the memorably ridiculous levels of the worst of Bruckheimer and Bay or even it's cousins, The Fast and The Furious, and it's sequel. Sure Torque is big, it's dumb and it's loud, but in a more mediocre and far less interesting way than in a memorably good or awful way.

It's odd, I'm almost disappointed at how good Torque is. Let me correct that, I meant to say how bad it is but not as bad as it should have been to be good. It's a bad movie, but it's not bad in the way that 2 Fast 2 Furious or The Rock or Gone In 60 Seconds is bad. Torque isn't bad in that campy, fun unintentional way. It's just a bad movie and that's it.

Movie Review Just Married

Just Married (2003) 

Directed by Shawn Levy 

Written by Sam Harper 

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Brittany Murphy, Christian Kane, Monet Mazur, Taran Killam

Release Date January 10th, 2003 

Published January 9th, 2003

Another January, another slate of less than stellar movies from the Hollywood swill factory. Okay, Just Married isn't quite that bad, but it's not very good either.

Just Married stars Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy as a pair of twenty-somethings who fall in love and get married. He's a sports nut who works part time at a radio station doing midnight traffic reports. She is a waspy princess from Bel Air whose father (David Rasche, king of the asshole wasps) owns a pair of sports teams. Opposites attract as they say and soon after meeting they are married and off for a European honeymoon.

The film begins with the pair returning from Europe ready to kill one another. In flashback, Tom (Kutcher) explains how they met when he popped her in the face with a football on a beach. They then bonded over a game of pool and sex on their first date. Things proceed quickly as, still in flashback, we find that they moved in together after only a month of dating.

Tom then regales the mistakes each made that would come back to haunt them. First, we find that Tom accidentally killed Sarah's (Murphy) dog, then lied about it. We then learn on their wedding day that Sarah had slept with an ex-boyfriend whom she had told Tom was just a platonic friend. Of course, the ex-boyfriend is a rich guy named Peter (Christian Kane) whom Sarah's family adores.

From there, the flashback jumps ahead to the Honeymoon where things go bad from the start. After arriving in France and getting the wrong rental car, they arrive at their luxury hotel. Once there, Tom manages to nearly destroy the place with a sextoy. Well gee, it's a romantic comedy. Do you think Tom and Sarah will overcome their problems and help love prevail? I will leave the mystery.

Director Shawn Levy brings nothing new to this tired genre comedy. The only thing the film has going for it is the likability of the actors involved. Without them, Just Married would easily be one of the worst films I have seen. Brittany Murphy's huge brown eyes and bubbly energetic personality make her so amazingly likable you forgive the ridiculousness of the plot she is trapped in.

As for Kutcher, he has his moments, especially towards the end when he lets his manic comic energy overcome him. His rage at trying to get through the fence surrounding Sarah's parent's mansion is the only really funny moment of the film.

Just Married is an unoriginal wrongheaded, poorly directed cliche. A film that has been done to death and should not be made at all. If not for its appealing stars, Just Married would be interminable. With them, the film is almost tolerable.