Movie Review: Blue Crush

Blue Crush (2002) 

Directed by John Stockwell 

Written by Lizzy Weiss, John Stockwell 

Starring Kate Bosworth, Michele Rodriguez, Matthew Davis, Sanoe Lake, Mika Boorem 

Release Date August 16th, 2002

Published August 15th, 2002 

I have a bad history with surfing movies. First there were those god awful Frankie and Annette movies my mother made me watch as a kid. UGH. Then there was Point Break, which is an awful movie but at least it's bad in a way that can make you laugh. Then there was the god awful Endless Summer 2. I haven't seen the original Endless Summer but if it's anything like the sequel I should drop to my knees and thank God I've been able to avoid it. 

Now comes Blue Crush, a surfer chick movie that mixes sports movie cliches with lame romantic comedy but still manages to be mildly entertaining.

Kate Bosworth stars as Ann Marie, a maid and former pro surfing competitor. She quit competing after nearly being killed in competition. After 3 years she is ready to compete again thanks to the encouragement of her roommates Eden (Michele Rodriguez) and Lena (Sanoe Lake). After being fired from her maid job for lecturing guests on their hygene, Ann Marie takes an offer to teach a group of football players how to surf. One of the players is a star Quarterback named Matt (Matthew Davis) who is interested in far more than surfing. Well duh.

Blue Crush is a sports movie and a romantic comedy, thus it is bound by the genre conventions of each and so we are treated to the typical roadblocks of both genres in tiresome repetitive scenes. This is especially apparent in the surfing competition where Ann Marie fails over and over and over. Okay we get it, she's got issues, can she overcome them so I can go now? 

The romance is troubled by the culture clash of the poor maid and the rich football player, and what his true intentions are and what will people think and blah blah blah. The film has not one new twist on these conventional situations. However, the film isn't as bad as it seems. The performances by Bosworth and especially Michele Rodriguez actually surpass the cliches and develop real interesting characters. 

The real stars of Blue Crush though are the cameras which get right in the surf and show off angles not likely seen before. You have to wonder at times just what is real because it seems there is no way a camera could get these shots. If there were any digital effects used, and there probably were, they are seamlessly integrated. On a side note there is more than one scene where a camera is visible in the surf.

Blue Crush has an element of guilty pleasure. Gorgeous girls in tiny bikinis and kick ass surfing scenes, namely. Guilty pleasures aside though, Blue Crush is never more than a mild distraction.

Movie Review: Bloodrayne

Bloodrayne (2006) 

Directed by Uwe Boll 

Written by Guinevere Turner 

Starring Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen, Matthew Davis, Billy Zane 

Release Date January 6th, 2006

Published January 5th, 2006 

Critiquing a film directed by Uwe Boll on its filmmaking merits--artistry, narrative, acting--is, as my grandfather might say, "like arguing with a dog about being a dog." An Uwe Boll film is an Uwe Boll film, and no amount of money can turn a Boll film into a real movie. So, in reviewing Boll's Bloodrayne, I attempted to put myself in Mr. Boll's shoes and try to understand what his vision of the film was. This lasted about two minutes before unstoppable giggling set in.

Bloodrayne is possibly Mr. Boll's most amateur and accomplished film at the same time. The movie is riotously unintentionally campy and yet features a stellar cast--well beyond the talent of the director. That these actors are well beneath their parts is a given, but that each manages to look worse than they have ever looked in a film is an Uwe Boll given.

Bloodrayne stars Terminator 3 vixen Kristanna Loken as Rayne, a sideshow circus freak whose talent is that she is burned by water and healed by blood. Rayne is a vampire, sort of. Rayne is the offspring of a vampire--her mother was raped by a powerful vampire named Kagan (Ben Kingsley) and Rayne was the result of the unholy union.

Rayne has the weaknesses and strengths of a vampire but is not technically a vampire, I think. See, here's the thing about an Uwe Boll film, pausing to logically assess why his characters are as they are or do what they do really is not anything Mr. Boll is interested in doing. Thus, we get Rayne who is burned by water--not holy water mind you, just water. Rayne drinks blood for survival and cannot be out in the sun but, according to a fortune teller/plot device, she is not a vampire but a Dhampir--a human/vampire offspring. Think Blade minus anything remotely entertaining.

The legend of Bloodrayne reaches a group of vampire hunters from the Brimstone Society led by Vladimir (Michael Madsen) and his partners Katarin (Michele Rodriguez) and Sebastian (Matthew Davis). Vladimir's protégés are skeptical of the prophecy that surrounds the Dhampir, they’re looking to take out Rayne and garner any reward that might come from her violent end. Vladimir on the other hand, believes Rayne may actually be the key figure in the war between vampires and humans.

Naturally, everything comes down to a final showdown between good and evil, and a series of inept action sequences that only a director as incompetent as Uwe Boll can deliver. The dialogue is a bit surprising, as it was written by the talented Guinivere Turner who wrote excellent scripts for American Psycho and her own directorial effort Go Fish. Working outside of her comfort zone in the fantasy/action genre Turner has delivered a script that only Uwe Boll could love. Then again, Boll probably didn't care about the screenplay. 

Filled to overflow with ridiculous battle scenes and nonsense character motivations, Bloodrayne is actually a real hoot if you can step away and appreciate the unintentional camp. As Tara Reid playing a scientist was a big laugh in Boll's previous film Alone In The Dark, Michael Madsen playing a character named Vladimir and delivering portentous speeches about vampire lore is one of the funnier things in any non-comedy I’ve ever seen.. You have to respect Madsen's ability to keep a straight face in these scenes. Madsen's lethargy is all that keeps Bloodrayne from being a legendary camp farce.

The only entertaining aspect of Bloodrayne is the enormous volume of unintentional laughs it draws. I nearly had to leave the theater as my fellow filmgoers shot me dirty looks for my loud guffaws. Not that I was the only one laughing, but some people actually seemed to follow the film, which I also found hysterically funny. Ben Kingsley is a true unintended riot as the vampire king. Only Eddie Redmayne’s legendary over top performance in Jupiter Ascending can match the screen chewing of Kingsley in Bloodrayne. It is  a tour de force of unintended camp.  

Finally, pushing the film's camp quotient into the red is the cameo appearance of the brilliantly over-the-top Billy Zane. As the mysterious leader of the Brimstone Society, Zane's character Elrich is locked away from the main characters in a far-off castle, leaving him to speak aloud to himself and belt every ridiculous line of dialogue all the way to the back of the room. Zane gives a comedy cameo in Bloodrayne that blows away any comedy cameo you have ever seen. That it is not meant to be funny only makes it funnier.

Bloodrayne is nearly so bad it's good. In fact, if you are a brave filmgoer, with a strong sense of camp fun, I might just recommend Bloodrayne.