The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn (2011)
Directed by Bill Condon
Written by Melissa Rosenberg
Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Kellen Lutz
Release Date November 18th, 2011
Published November 17th, 2011
You have to be a fan of the Twilight books to appreciate The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. If you aren't a 'Twi-Hard' I very much do not recommend Breaking Dawn which, when looked at objectively, is a shockingly bad movie. We begin with the wedding of Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart). It's a lovely outdoor gathering that is beautifully shot and entirely forgettable. Weddings in movies tend to come at the end of the movie, it's incongruous to have a wedding at the start of the film and thus Breaking Dawn gets off on a strange footing.
From the wedding we are whisked briefly to Brazil and then off to the Cullen's heretofore unmentioned private island; just how rich are these vamps? Here is where we arrive at what was supposed to be a spectacular love scene; Twi-hards' have been buzzing about it since Breaking Dawn hit bookshelves. As with most hype, reality cannot compete with the build-up. Edward and Bella destroy their marital bed with their passion but the naughtiest bits are off-limits because of the need for the PG-13 rating. What we get instead is the erotic power of a vampire love scene rendered as an adult contemporary music video.
The trailer has told you that Bella gets knocked up, though it's not on the first try. Director Bill Condon makes us wait through an interminable 15 to 20 minutes of Edward resisting his wife's sexual advances because their first encounter left her bruised and he doesn't want to hurt her. Here we have the erotic power of the vampire rendered moot while we watch two attractive young people play chess and engage in one of the least interesting bits of foreplay in movie history. When Edward finally does give in, that's when Bella gets knocked up and the story of Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 really is supposed to kick in.
No one, not Edward's ancient vampire dad, Carlisle (Peter Fascinelli), not random intuitive Brazilian women, or even caring pug nosed werewolf boys, knows whether a human can safely carry a vampire baby or, if she does carry the baby, can she survive the birth? Meanwhile, the werewolves decide, somewhat randomly, that a vampire baby is a violation of their peace treaty with the Cullen's and transform into their enemy. After having helped the Cullen's in previous movies and after beginning Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 wishing to maintain the peace, you can color me confused as to why the wolves suddenly found themselves itching for a fight.
I have a tendency to apply logic where it's not welcome and with that in mind here's a question: If the Cullen's can afford to buy an island off the coast of Brazil then why not just fly in their medical equipment to said island instead of bringing Bella back to Forks and risking the wrath of the werewolves? (It's a rhetorical question Twi-hards and if the answer is in the book, I don't care, it's not in the movie.) Fans of the book, I'm sure, can fill in the blanks. I however, am a film critic and from my perspective the random changes in motivations that these characters portray is sloppy and ill-conceived; it was as if the werewolves were drawn at random to be the bad guys in Breaking Dawn Pt. 1.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 is, in all honesty, for someone who hasn't read the books, a Razzie-worthy effort in which scene after scene tumbles on to the screen with a self-serious thud. The characters are humorless which, when combined with high camp scenes of Edward and Bella's romantic chess playing and a werewolf town-hall meeting in which ungodly goofy looking CGI wolves telepathically yell at each other, makes for cringe-worthy unintentional comedy.
Stay after the credits for the biggest unintentional laugh however, as one of the best actors working today delivers one of the worst line readings of the year. It's a line read so horrible that this moment alone should have an award waiting at the Razzies. (Sorry Michael Sheen.) If you are a fan of Twilight then nothing I can say about the film is going to matter to you. I am not trashing your favorite books; I've never read them. I can only critique the movie and objectively The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 is a lovely looking bad movie.
