Movie Review Lemony Snicket's As Series of Unfortunate Events

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) 

Directed by Brad Silberling 

Written by Robert Gordon 

Starring Jim Carrey, Jude Law, Liam Aiken, Emily Browning, Timothy Spall, Catherine O'Hara, Meryl Streep

Release Date December 17th, 2004 

I am unfamiliar with the books of the Lemony Snicket series written by Daniel Handler. I can however appreciate the wit and nerve it must take to write on the book jacket that your story is very dark and depressing and recommend that readers find something more pleasant to read. Like any one of a curious nature, when someone tells me not to do something I’m even more intrigued to try it.

It is with that same sense that I went into the film version of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, which used a similar campaign as the book to entice people into theaters. Simply tell people not to come, and why, and they will come in droves. Unfortunately those appealingly off-putting ads are more prescient than expected. Lemony Snicket is, as they tell you, dark and disturbing and maybe you should take the advice and find another movie.

This is the story of the Beaudelaire children, or rather the Beaudelaire orphans after their parents perish in a fire. Violet (Emily Browning) is the oldest, an inventor with a keen sense of danger. Her younger brother is Klaus (Liam Aiken), an inquisitive child who reads voraciously and retains every piece of information. And finally, their younger sister two year old Sunny (Kara & Shelby Hoffman) who’s preternaturally smart, she has her own language, and loves to bite things. Anything at all.

After being informed of their parents death the children are taken by their court appointed lawyer Mr. Poe to their closest living relative Count Olaf. By closest living relative, Mr. Poe means that he lives only four blocks away which is a hint of the cluelessness to come. Count Olaf (Jim Carrey) is a failed actor living in a rundown mansion that is the sort of place your dared to visit on Halloween.

Violet, ever the inquisitor, immediately senses that Olaf is not taking the children in out of the kindness of his heart. Indeed he even tells them that he has his eye on the fortune they are to inherit. As soon as Olaf takes on legal custody of the children he plans to murder them and run off with the inheritance money.

The story is narrated by the shadowed visage of Lemony Snicket (Jude Law). Glimpsed only in silhouette, Lemony Snicket tells this tale with wit and misdirection. As he says, and the title well states, this is a story of a series of unfortunate events that befall these plucky kids. They must outwit the murderous count and weather a series of wacky parental stand ins that include Billy Connelly and Meryl Streep.

This is not a bad story but as it is presented by Director Brad Silberling it’s disturbing and highly off putting. This is supposed to be a family movie yet we see murders, blatant child abuse, and a Jim Carrey performance that hits more wrong notes than The Cable Guy.

Just because your narrator states in the opening scenes that your movie is unpleasant and recommends that you go see another film while still can does not give you an excuse to make a film as unpleasant and disturbing as this movie is. Maybe a familiarity with the book somehow makes the themes of murder and abuse palatable but as presented here they make me question how a major children’s entertainment company like Nickelodeon Pictures became involved with it.

As in movies like this the children are geniuses the adults are all clueless dolts. Even the great Meryl Streep can’t escape this hackneyed trope, she plays a shrill agoraphobic who inherits the children and must protect them from Olaf. Sadly, and, of course, she’s so clueless that when Olaf arrives in a terrible costume she falls for him. Other clueless adults include Cedric The Entertainer as a clueless cop and Catherine O’Hara as a clueless Judge.

What is good about the film is the set design and cinematography that evokes the best work of Tim Burton and the silent era gothic films. Emmanuel Lubezki handles the Cinematography and delivers Oscar quality visuals. Set Designer Rick Heinrichs is also award worthy especially for his work on Streep’s lake adjacent home on the side of a cliff.

Director Brad Silberling crafts the work of his cinematographer and set designer quite well but could have done a better job reigning in his clowning preening star who does not steal scenes as much as he invades them with a sickening presence. Carrey’s attempts at improv humor are a counter point to his character's malevolent nature and just do not work. I find that a murderer, especially one in a KIDS movie, had better be darn funny to make me laugh otherwise it’s just creepy and out of place.

The only funny moments in the movie go to the baby who speaks in gibberish but has cute funny subtitles. The rest of the film is like an attempt to glom on to the Harry Potter formula but without the magic and without the intelligent appealing and benevolent characters.

For fans of the books, maybe you can find something to like. For fans of technical filmmaking absolutely. But for general family audiences where this film is targeted I suggest you take the films advice and see what’s playing in theater 2.

Classic Movie Review The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) 

Directed by Henry Selick 

Written by Caroline Thompson

Starring Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara, Paul Reubens, Glenn Shaddix, Danny Elfman 

Release Date October 29th, 1993 

Published October 31st, 2023 

Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas was a slightly troubled project. It carried a $25 million dollar price tag. It was made by Henry Selick who, at the time, was not a big name. It had no star power behind it, in terms of the main voice cast. So concerned was Disney about how the film's horror aesthetic frightening the core demographic of Disney Animated films that they removed the Disney label from the film. Instead, the film was released by Disney subsidiary Touchstone Pictures. But Disney wasn't done fretting about The Nightmare Before Christmas. 

Despite a gorgeous look, an absolutely stunning production design and an incredible music from Danny Elfman, Disney didn't think the film would make money without a big star involved. The only big star on hand was Producer Tim Burton. Burton had helped oversee production but was not involved in the creative, this was Henry Selick's baby. But, Burton was coming off of a pair of hit Batman movies and having his name on the marquee in front of The Nightmare Before Christmas might provide a hook that was needed for the film to make money. 

They need not have fretted so much. 30 years later, The Nightmare Before Christmas isn't merely a successful cult classic, it's a smash hit. The $25 million dollar, 2 year production, has now returned a massive profit and even returned to near the top of the box office after 30 years. Since the film was released on October 29th, 1993, it has gone on to gross nearly $100 million dollars. Moreover, the film is a Halloween staple and still moves a mountain of merchandise including costumes, plush toys, decorations, and digital downloads for Danny Elfman's beloved music. 

The Nightmare Before Christmas became a meme before such things existed, before the internet. The Henry Selick horror aesthetic launched a million Hot Topic fashions and gave Gen-X goth kids an inspiration for years worth of style choices. That's a remarkable legacy for something that barely clocks in at feature length and has a story as desperately threadbare as this one. From a story perspective, there is hardly anything to describe. I will do my best, but the truth about The Nightmare Before Christmas is that it was never much of a movie, it was always more of a lifestyle. 

Find my full length reviiew at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Killers

Killers (2010) 

Directed by Robert Luketic 

Written by Ted Griffin

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O'Hara

Release Date June 4th, 2010 

Published June 5th, 2010 

I was a big Katherine Heigl fan. Stress WAS. Her graceless exit from Gray's Anatomy combined with the complete awfulness of The Ugly Truth has soured me on this once promising star. My opinion of Ms. Heigl drops even further with the release of Killers, a spectacularly lame attempt to mix action and romantic comedy.

In Killers, Ms. Heigl plays Jen, a single, sexless, 30-something on vacation in France with her parents (Tom Selleck and Katherine O'Hara) when she meets Spencer (Ashton Kutcher). Though he is vague about his private life and why he is on vacation alone in France, she is far too smitten with his rippling muscles to notice.

Months later the two are married and cut to 3 years later they remain blissfully in love and living in suburbia. The suburban tranquility of course cannot last because what we know and Jen doesn't is that Spencer was once a CIA agent. When his old boss (Martin Mull in an odd cameo) contacts him Spencer is quick to see trouble ahead.

What he hadn't counted on is finding his former boss dead and all of his neighbors, people he has known for a few years now trying to kill him. Jen too is quite surprised by all of this but unlike a normal human being who might have headed for the hills at the sight of so much danger, Jen is quick to leap into the fray and soon the couple is on the run from their killer neighbors.

There is one more twist that Jen and Spencer cannot see coming but we sure can. I won't spoil the not so surprising 'twist' but let's just say the foreshadowing by director Robert Luketic is less subtle than a trainwreck/plane crash where a plane crashes into two trains as the trains crash into one another.

Killers is a skill free exercise in formula filmmaking. Director Luketic and his cast range through the apt clichés of both action movies and romantic comedies and fail to either thrill or tickle the audience for a moment. It is hard to fathom that Robert Luketic was the director of the wonderful comedy Legally Blonde a decade ago as since that movie he has turned out one terrifically awful film after another with Killers as the spoiled cherry on top of a moldering dessert.

As for Ms. Heigl, Killers like The Ugly Truth focuses on her least attractive tendencies. Both film's fail to give her more than a sketch of a character and forced to improvise something with her talent, Ms. Heigl turns to shrill screeching and hyperventilating to convey her character.

To be fair to Ms. Heigl the character as given to her is a true bonehead. One might, if confronted by a husband who is attempting to kill his best friend in their suburban living room, call the police and not instead listen to her husband's call to retrieve a gun from their bedroom.

Logically, one might be more than a little distressed about a husband who has after three years of marriage revealed himself to be a paid assassin for the US government and possibly put concerns about a weeks old pregnancy aside in favor of seeking safe haven with the authorities. Instead, Ms. Heigl's character attends a Target Superstore to purchase a pregnancy test of every available title. If this scene sounds familiar, it should. Ms. Heigl played the same scene to more appropriate laughter in Knocked Up, a film she has subsequently disowned.  

Ms. Heigl’s Jen never acts appropriately, never reacts as a rational human being might to her situation. Ms. Heigl is at all times subject to the whims of the screenplay and never for a moment anything but a pawn pushed across the screen from one brain free set piece to the next.

Another, more adventurous actress might have found a beat to play that might make you forget that the plot is nonsense. Angelina Jolie made a wonderful camp farce of both Wanted and Mr. and Mrs. Smith using her sexuality as a comedic foil. Sandra Bullock played up her tomboy cuteness against the ludicrous backdrop of Speed.

Ms. Heigl’s reaction to the ridiculousness of Killers is to amp up the shrill factor, screeching each line through clenched teeth or a tight, forced smile. Few actresses have ever seemed as terribly uncomfortable on screen as Ms. Heigl does in Killers.

You've likely noticed that I have left Mr. Kutcher out of most of this review. The fact is he's not so horrible here. His character makes sense in the context of the film. He reacts appropriately to the situation before him and plays each beat sincerely. It makes his performance more passably forgettable than bad.

Ms. Heigl should strive to be forgettable in Killers. Sadly for her, Killers will likely linger long enough for the Razzies, those wonderful awards for the worst Hollywood has to offer year after year. This year the gracious Sandra Bullock accepted her Razzie for All About Steve in person the same weekend she won Best Actress for The Blind Side.

Fair to guess, Ms. Heigl won't be that lucky or gracious.

Movie Review Penelope

Penelope (2008) 

Directed by Mark Palansky 

Written by Leslie Caveny

Starring Christina Ricci, James McAvoy, Catherine O'Hara, Peter Dinklage, Richard E. Grant, Reese Witherspoon

Release Date February 29th, 2008

Published June 25th, 2008

The Wilhern family has been cursed for generations ever since a great uncle impregnated and abandoned a commoner who subsequently killed herself. That girl's mother happened to be a local witch who placed a curse on the family. It would be visited on the first daughter born to a Wilhern woman. She would be born with the features of a pig.

Decades and generations passed with the lucky births of only male children until Penelope was born. Born to Catherine and Franklin Wilhern in 1970's London, Penelope immediately became an urban legend and journalists crawled through the walls in attempts to get a photo of the pig girl.

One of those reporters was Lemon (Peter Dinklage) who lost an eye to Catherine when he leapt from a kitchen bread basket attempting to get Penelope's photo. The family was forced to fake Penelope's death in order to give her a peaceful upbringing. Now, with word that the curse could be lifted if someone of similar lineage were to fall in love with Penelope, the girl with the pig nose is eager for love and marriage.

With the help of a matchmaker, Wanda (Ronnie Ancona), Penelope and her mother have vetted almost every blue blood in the country including a venal shipping heir, Edward Vanderman (Simon Woods) who was so frightened by her features that he leapt through a window. He was the first of her many suitors to escape without signing a confidentiality agreement. He immediately went to the police who threw him in jail for a night.

Eventually, Vanderman ends up with Lemon and the two conspire to expose Penelope. They hire a down and out member of the extended royal family, Max (James McAvoy) to seduce and photograph Penelope. The plan goes awry when Max actually falls for Penelope sight unseen and decides it best to leave her alone. Heartbroken, Penelope runs away from home and finds a whole new life. There is a good deal more to the story but I will leave to seee the movie yourself to find out. 

First time helmer Mark Palansky has a talent for good natured whimsy. With a top notch cast he creates a group of pleasant characters who are easy to like and root for. Christina Ricci is particularly winning in the lead role while Reese Witherspoon shines in her brief role as Penelope's first real friend. Ricci has a remarkable talent for playing lovable oddballs or dyspeptic, disaffected ingenues and her vast range is great help to Penelope.

That said, the whimsy of Penelope belies an all too light approach in the end. Yes, the movie is a modern fairy tale but even fairy tales have a lesson to impart or something that makes them memorable beyond being good natured. Penelope is so gentle and pleasant that it becomes cloying. The light hearted sweetness overflows what little good there is in Penelope. It's a shame because Christina Ricci could have done much more with this role if the film had been more ambitious. 

Movie Review Orange County

Orange County (2002) 

Directed by Jake Kasden 

Written by Mike White 

Starring Colin Hanks, Jack Black, Catherine O'Hara, John Lithgow, Schuyler Fisk

Release Date January 11th, 2002 

Published January 10th, 2002 

Jack Black is a star, anyone who saw High Fidelity and Shallow Hal knows it. The box office returns for Hal definitely show it, and the comparisons to John Belushi easily solidify his status. Like any star there are always missteps, films that were not quite up to par, anyone remember Saving Silverman I'm still trying to forget it. Orange County isn't nearly as bad as Silverman, it is in fact not that bad at all. But it isn't great either.

County stars Colin Hanks as Sean Brumder, a So-Cal surfer dude who after a friend's death finds his calling as a writer. Don't worry, the film isn't nearly as dark as the setup might lead you to believe. In fact the friend's funeral provides the visual joke of girls attending the beach funeral in black bikinis and the guys in black Hawaiian shirts. The scene also provides a glimpse into what director Jake Kasdan may have been going for as far as the film's tone. The rest of the story follows Sean's attempts to get into Stanford University to work with the writer who inspired him to write his first story.

Of course this won't be easy, if it were there wouldn't be a movie. Sean's attempts are foiled by his school counselor (the wonderful Lily Tomlin, always funny) along with his midlife crisis Dad (John Lithgow) and Mom (Catherine O'Hara) in drunken stupor mode. Again, somewhat dark but played lightly, and aided greatly by Jack Black as Sean's druggie brother who provides the film's biggest laughs with his amazing energy and comic timing.

Sadly, Orange County is yet another movie where the best jokes are in the trailer, especially Jack Black's jokes which seem on TV to have been censored but in the film are as tame as the commercials. It's all still funny but we've already seen most of them. Of course we've heard about the cast's pedigree. Jake Kasdan is the son of Lawrence Kasdan, Schuyler Fisk, Sean's girlfriend, is the daughter of Sissy Spacek and Colin Hanks is the stepson of Rita Wilson, oh and the son of the biggest box office star in the world Tom Hanks.

But even with a good cast and some solid laughs, Orange County is just a slightly oddly sweet film that longs to be edgy but ends up merely distracting. And If I may editorialize, I don't blame Jake Kasdan. Something about this film's marketing campaign and the fact that it is the product of MTV films leads me to believe there may have been some compromising. That is, for the sake of a more teen friendly PG-13 rating as opposed to the edgier R -rated film Orange County longs to be.