Movie Review Dungeons & Dragons Honor Among Thieves

Dungeons & Dragons Honor Among Thieves (2023) 

Directed by Jonathan Goldstein, John Francis Daley 

Written by Michael Gillo, Jonathan Goldstein, John Francis Daley 

Starring Chris Pine, Sophia Lillis, Justice Smith, Michelle Rodriguez, Hugh Grant 

Release Date March 31st, 2023 

Published March 31st, 2023 

Dungeons & Dragons Honor Among Thieves probably won't hold up to much scrutiny when it comes to plot, logic, and other such concerns. But what the film lacks in detailed filmmaking, it more than makes up for in fun. This is a really fun movie populated by a cast that appears to be having an absolute blast making this movie. The cast makes Dungeons & Dragons Honor Among Thieves a delight to sit through. Chris Pine leads this incredibly fun group of outcasts and weirdos with strange powers that always seem to come in handy at just the moment they are needed. 

Edgin Darvis (Chris Pine) was once a heroic member of the Harpers, a group of selfless heroes battling evil to protect their small villages. However, when once his good guy mask slipped and revealed a thief, Darvis lost everything. A group of wizards, whom Darvis stole from, found his home while he wasn't there, and murdered his wife. Thankfully, Darvis's baby daughter was hidden away by her mother and father and daughter were able to stay together

Not cut out for the life of a single parent, a drunken Darvis is rescued by a mercenary, Holga (Michelle Rodriguez), who becomes his best friend, mostly because she has no friends and really likes his baby. She helps Davis raise the baby, Kira (Chloe Coleman), as the trio work together as a gang of thieves. Their criminal outfit grows to include an amateur sorcerer named Simon (Justice Smith), and a con-artist named Forge Fitzwilliam (Hugh Grant), who brings a talent for finding big scores. 

The group is successful together for only a short time. Then, they meet their end when they go to work for a powerful witch, Sofina (Daisy Head), who promises unimaginable riches if they help her steal an ancient artifact. Leaving Kira at home, Edgin and Holga are betrayed by Forge and Sofina and are captured and imprisoned. Simon managed a narrow escape. The next two years are spent behind bars in a frozen wasteland until the opportunity to escape arrives. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Avatar

Avatar (2009) 

Directed by James Cameron

Written by James Cameron

Starring Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez

Release Date December 18th, 2009 

Published December 18th, 2009 

Back in theaters September 23rd, 2022

Streaming Rental on Amazon Prime 

New generation tech in service of a Bush era mindset, W or HW, Avatar is James Cameron advancing film tech to a place no one has seen before while also a response to American imperialism as Cameron envisions it. The tech is phenomenal, the politics are so 2003. The story of Avatar begins just as James Cameron was crowning himself the King of the World. After his Titanic effort to bring an ocean set romance to screen, James Cameron surveyed the landscape of movies and saw that the form, as it was, could not capture his vision of his project.

So, the King of the World abdicated for several years, biding his time until movie technology caught up with his vision. After seeing Peter Jackson give life to Gollum in The Lord of the Rings Cameron finally saw something he could work with. Employing engineers and film geeks Cameron went to work advancing existing technology. That was 2006. Just about 3 years later, more than a decade after its conception, Avatar has arrived.

Sam Worthington stars in Avatar as Jake Sully a former Marine who was left in a wheelchair after a battle injury. Jake's troubles are increased with the death of his twin brother, a scientist who was to shove off for a very important mission. Since Jake has his brother's DNA he is capable of replacing him and does on a mission to a place called Pandora.

On Pandora Jake's new life will have him taking over an Avatar, a human hybrid of the planet's alien population called Na'vi. Jake's mind is transferred somehow into the body of a 10 foot, blue skinned, Na'vi warrior. He will use his Avatar to interact with the natives and convince them to move to another home, opening the way for an industrialist (Giovanni Ribisi) to move in and strip the area of a mineral called, I kind you not, Unobtainium. 

Jake's mission goes off course when he meets a sultry Na'vi princess named Neytiri (Zoe Saldana). She brings him into the Na'vi inner circle after a sign from her god tells her Jake has an important role in the destiny of the Na'vi. Indeed he does; Jake will become a true warrior and a leader after he gives up his militaristic loyalty to his human masters.

No points for guessing that Jake and Neytiri fall happily into cross-species love. The story is eerily similar to Dances with Wolves, minus Kevin Costner's ludicrous facial hair. A soldier in a strange land falls in with the natives and switches sides. I'm not spoiling anything unless you have managed to miss every trailer, commercial or review of Avatar.

Even if you have been living under a rock James Cameron's exceptionally weak script does nothing to hide its twists and turns. The script mindlessly telegraphs its every plot machination and character choice. However, as every other critic in the world reminds us, the plot is meaningless when such wondrous visuals are offered.

There is no doubt about it James Cameron's remarkable dedication to new film technology has rendered a mesmerizing digital landscape unlike any ever before on screen. The characters are stunningly realistic; the landscapes are marvelous and wait till you see the battles between flying gun ships and Na'vi on flying lizard-like creatures. Cameron has even rendered 3D in a way that isn't clunky and unnecessary.

For many the visual delights of Avatar will be more than enough to sell them on the idea of Avatar as a great movie. And, I must admit, the tech is phenomenal. I, however, needed something more.

The story told in Avatar is dopey, derivative and features dialogue so awful as to have Michael Bay look down his nose. Expository dialogue, sometimes necessary, is mind numbingly repeated throughout Avatar. Worse still are the awkward attempts at humor, most of which are dated to around the time Cameron conceived of Avatar.

Even worse still is Mr. Cameron’s preachy, dated subtext about war and natives, 9/11 and terrorism. Cameron is not the first, merely the latest, to exploit 9/11 imagery in order to manipulate the audience. The visual reference to 9/11 is part of Cameron's throwback to the Bush era politique.

It's a rather scattershot bit of commentary that regurgitates liberal complaints about a war for oil, in this case 'Unobtainium,' and an American policy of pre-emptive war that could fairly be called imperialism. All well and good except that these are the complaints of yesteryear.

Is it Cameron's fault that the zeitgeist passed him by? No, but he has to take the lumps for being unable to adapt. He's made a criticism of a President who is gone in an era when a new President looks forward to ending the policies of the past. Whining about a war for oil (Unobtainium) is exceptionally passé.

The soldier going native is even more dated. Dances With Wolves is over 20 years old now. The battle between the American government and American Indians has inspired far better and far less preachy defenses of a native people defending their way of life.

Returning, however, to the main point of Avatar, the technology, you will see this movie because the tech is far too fabulous to be ignored. You really must see Avatar just to say that you have seen what everyone will be talking about in film culture until the next time Cameron revolutionizes the medium. Just be prepared to ignore everything other than the visual splendor.

Movie Review Machete

Machete (2010) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Written by Robert Rodriguez

Starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan

Release Date September 3rd, 2010 

Published September 4th, 2010

“Machete” is a film that is impervious to criticism. One cannot critique the filmmaking; it's supposed to be grungy and low budget to evoke its 70's influences. One cannot critique the acting, everyone in the film is supposed to be over the top and utterly ludicrous to match the unfortunate amateurs who played these roles back in the original Grindhouse days. You cannot criticize the storyline because really, what story is there? And since you are not supposed to treat any of this with seriousness as that would undermine the audacious, humorous homage to trash, one really can’t then take seriously anything in the film's take on the immigration issue?

“Machete” is basically Robert Rodriguez masturbating on screen. Yes, masturbation seems to be the foremost concern of “Machete” or rather director Robert Rodriguez who puts his deepest carnal desires on screen, revealing himself in both brave and disturbing fashion. Like his cohorts Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino, Rodriguez gets off on guns and blood but unlike Roth and with slightly less awe than Tarantino, Rodriguez throws a few near naked girls in the mix.

Is it strange to watch a grown man put his teenage boy sex fantasies on screen? Oh yeah, a big part of me has absolutely no want to know what it is that gets Robert Rodriguez off. But, there is also a part of me that is sickly entertained because some of his fantasies, Ms. Alba in particular, are my fantasies as well. I, however, do not get off on violence the way Rodriguez does. I don't mind the skillful demonstration of violence on screen but the ways in which Rodriguez and his man/boy directing brethren enjoy the violence is disturbing and makes me worry a little for their collective mental health.

In a review of “Hostel” for another website years ago I wondered; if Eli Roth were not a filmmaker capable of demonstrating his sickest fantasies on screen would he have become a serial murderer? I have the same concerns with Mr. Rodriguez after watching “Machete” but to a slightly lesser extent.

The difference between the two is Rodriguez has an interest in women, even if only a puerile one, Mr. Roth only seems to enjoy torture, maiming and death. Dragging their mentor Mr. Tarantino into this conversation is unnecessary, his interest seems to be purely cinema and what his camera's eye is capable of, what the camera captures serves a very particular and highly cinematic vision. Rodriguez and Roth are teenage boys using the camera as a masturbatory device for their incurable twisted fantasies.

“Machete” boils down to a demonstration of what 13 year old Robert Rodriguez found on a VHS tape years ago and got off to. Whether it was Gordon Parks or Melvin Van Peebles, William Girdler (look him up, I did) or Arthur Marx, Rodriguez found tapes of Foxy Brown or Sweet Sweetback or Shaft and it got him off. Now he’s making the movies that get him off.

I’m not a prude, I have the same male urge for self gratification that every other red blooded American male has. I merely prefer to confine my fantasies to my bedroom. Mr. Rodriguez places his fantasies in giant multiplex theaters and I find that awkward and disturbing.

I mean, if this were a true homage to Grindhouse, one would have to stumble upon it in some woebegone, out of the way second hand shop. Not in the gleaming, popcorn scented world in which the theater next door is showing Toy Story 3. “Machete” belongs on a store shelf next to Faster Pussycat Kill Kill or anything by Herschel Gordon Lewis. There it could be discovered and passed around from friend to friend.

That’s my issue, that’s what has been nagging at me about “Machete.” Treating this like any other major movie release just feels wrong. It’s supposed to be underground where some teenager can dust it off, slip into his jacket pocket and steal it out of the store while the manager is helping a customer buy porn.

The kid should sneak “Machete” home, wait for his parents to go to bed and slip it in and enjoy it as it should be enjoyed. The next day he takes it to school and passes it from friend to friend until one of them gets caught with it and it spends the next decade in a school filing cabinet waiting to be rediscovered or sold at some teacher’s garage sale.

Placing “Machete” in theater taints the true experience. The bloody, gory, twisted violence, the childish over the top sex, simply does not belong in the same building where Jennifer Aniston is starring in The Switch. The milieu degrades and depraves the experience and makes “Machete” impossible to enjoy without feeling more than a little creepy and weird.

Movie Review SWAT

S.W.A.T (2003) 

Directed by Clark Johnson

Written by David Ayer, David McKenna

Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Colin Farrell, Jeremy Renner, L.L Cool J, Josh Charles, Michelle Rodriguez, Olivier Martinez 

Release Date August 8th, 2003

Published August 7th, 2003

Can anyone give me one plausible reason why this film is related to the 70's TV show indicated in its title? Other than that killer theme song that is. Outside of the song, there is no necessity to relate this movie to that lame Robert Urich lead TV serial, other than maybe to avoid the hassle of having to explain that they are not related. Why tie the film to this sinking lead weight of a 70's TV bomb? S.W.A.T only lasted one season on ABC. It's not as if remakes of 70's TV shows are guaranteed blockbusters. That only works when you can populate the lead roles with super hot babes like Charlie’s Angels.

Then again, maybe that is the theory here, but with reverse genders. Colin Farrell, LL Cool J and even Sam Jackson to a point could be considered eye candy for the ladies. That said you could do that without the TV connection. So we are back to my original question. Regardless of the TV connection or the eye candy, S.W.A.T. as directed by cop show vet Clark Johnson is a somewhat competent action movie/police procedural.

Colin Farrell stars as Jim Streets, the same role as Bobby Urich on TV but the comparison ends there. Streets is a swat team member who joins his fellow teammates at the site of a bank robbery. It's a nightmare scenario that evokes memories of a real life incident in Brentwood, California just last year where two heavily armed men shot it out with police in broad daylight, a scenario they were rumored to have cribbed from the Michael Mann’s Heat. Call it art imitating life, imitating art.

Anyway, Street and his partner Gamble (Jeremy Renner) are deployed on the roof and gain access to the hostages being held by two more armed men inside the bank. Despite being told to wait, Street and Gamble make a move and put down the bad guys and save the hostages. Unfortunately one hostage is wounded during the rescue and the boys are rewarded with a demotion for Street and firing for Gamble who pulled the trigger.

Cut to six months later, Street is stuck cleaning guns amongst other of the worst jobs a cop can do and still be a cop. Things change though when an ex swat leader named Hondo Harrelson (Jackson) returns from retirement. Hondo's gig is to help the LAPD remake its image by assembling a top-notch new SWAT team, a team more competent and efficient than ever before. Hondo's first choice is Street, but not before he jumps through some hoops and watches the rest of the team come together. The recruits are Deke (LL Cool J), Sanchez (Michele Rodriguez), McCabe (Sports Night's Josh Charles) and Boxer (Brian Van Holt).

There’s a couple of montages of the personal lives and training sequences and one very well choreographed training sequence set on a decommissioned airplane. We then move headlong into the main plot of the film which is the transfer of a high profile prisoner, an international drug runner named Montel (Olivier Martinez). Sounds easy, and it would have been except Montel has, through the throng of media covering his shootout with police and eventual arrest, offered 100 million bucks to anyone who can get him out of police custody and back home to France.

What's surprising is that despite the typicality of the stunts featured in the film’s trailer, S.W.A.T. unfolds very logically from the opening hostage sequence to the training all the way to the final gun battles. Director Clark Johnson makes even the biggest stunt sequences that have never been seen in real life seem perfectly plausible in the context of the film. Though I must quibble with the drug dealers who happen to have rocket launchers laying around just in case they have to break a rich guy out of jail for 100 million dollars. Hey, that is why we have the willing suspension of disbelief?

Almost everything in S.W.A.T. is pro quality, especially the casting which smartly unites a number of recognizable faces both well known and the type that you know you've seen before but you've never known the name. The cast makes any of the rough spots of the film easier to take because we like the actors. Each actor is very sympathetic to the audience.

However, despite all that I liked about S.W.A.T., the film has two massive, nearly unforgivable flaws. One is its ending which goes ten minutes too long. The other is one massive lapse in the otherwise impeccably logical flow of the film. There is a decision made by one character that calls that character's sanity into question. It's a decision that is so highly illogical that it renders what comes after it ridiculous. It's one of those moments where if the character makes the right decision, the one that is obvious to everyone but him, the film would be over right then. If you can't fix a logical hole better than this, don't make the movie.

For most of the time S.W.A.T. is a suspenseful, action filled thriller. It's a rare actioner with a logical narrative thrust to it. Until, of course, the demons of film shorthand step in and ruin everything. It's a shame because there are elements of a pretty good movie sprinkled throughout this otherwise dreary television retread. 

Movie Review: Blue Crush

Blue Crush (2002) 

Directed by John Stockwell 

Written by Lizzy Weiss, John Stockwell 

Starring Kate Bosworth, Michele Rodriguez, Matthew Davis, Sanoe Lake, Mika Boorem 

Release Date August 16th, 2002

Published August 15th, 2002 

I have a bad history with surfing movies. First there were those god awful Frankie and Annette movies my mother made me watch as a kid. UGH. Then there was Point Break, which is an awful movie but at least it's bad in a way that can make you laugh. Then there was the god awful Endless Summer 2. I haven't seen the original Endless Summer but if it's anything like the sequel I should drop to my knees and thank God I've been able to avoid it. 

Now comes Blue Crush, a surfer chick movie that mixes sports movie cliches with lame romantic comedy but still manages to be mildly entertaining.

Kate Bosworth stars as Ann Marie, a maid and former pro surfing competitor. She quit competing after nearly being killed in competition. After 3 years she is ready to compete again thanks to the encouragement of her roommates Eden (Michele Rodriguez) and Lena (Sanoe Lake). After being fired from her maid job for lecturing guests on their hygene, Ann Marie takes an offer to teach a group of football players how to surf. One of the players is a star Quarterback named Matt (Matthew Davis) who is interested in far more than surfing. Well duh.

Blue Crush is a sports movie and a romantic comedy, thus it is bound by the genre conventions of each and so we are treated to the typical roadblocks of both genres in tiresome repetitive scenes. This is especially apparent in the surfing competition where Ann Marie fails over and over and over. Okay we get it, she's got issues, can she overcome them so I can go now? 

The romance is troubled by the culture clash of the poor maid and the rich football player, and what his true intentions are and what will people think and blah blah blah. The film has not one new twist on these conventional situations. However, the film isn't as bad as it seems. The performances by Bosworth and especially Michele Rodriguez actually surpass the cliches and develop real interesting characters. 

The real stars of Blue Crush though are the cameras which get right in the surf and show off angles not likely seen before. You have to wonder at times just what is real because it seems there is no way a camera could get these shots. If there were any digital effects used, and there probably were, they are seamlessly integrated. On a side note there is more than one scene where a camera is visible in the surf.

Blue Crush has an element of guilty pleasure. Gorgeous girls in tiny bikinis and kick ass surfing scenes, namely. Guilty pleasures aside though, Blue Crush is never more than a mild distraction.

Movie Review Resident Evil

Resident Evil (2002) 

Directed by Paul W.S Anderson

Written by Paul W.S Anderson 

Starring Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, 

Release Date March 15th, 2002 

Published March 15th, 2002 

I hate science fiction!

If it's not Star Wars or Star Trek: Next Generation, it's almost guaranteed I'm going to hate it. So you're probably wondering why I would subject myself to the Sci-fi schlock of Resident Evil. Maybe I'm a movie masochist. Or maybe I'm open-minded enough to see a film before I judge it. Or maybe I heard Milla Jovavich gets naked and I'm just a perv.

Resident Evil is the latest video game-to-movie adaptation, a combination that has yet to yield a solid effort. It's the oh so original story of an evil, futuristic corporation that develops evil biological weapons because they are a corporation and they are evil. After a break-in leads to a biological weapon being deployed in the evil corporation's evil underground lab, killing thousands of employees, the company's evil supercomputer locks down the facility. The company then sends in their crack security team to investigate. Well, investigate or just blow stuff up and die weird painful deaths, it's all in how you look at it.

That leaves our heroine Milla Jovavich to fight the evil supercomputer which is a combination of Hal from 2001 and the little girl from Poltergeist. She's not just fighting the computer though; there are also the zombified corpses of the evil corporation's former employees.

All of which makes Resident Evil a weird amalgamation of George Romero's Living Dead and every bad science fiction movie of the last 4 years from Hollow Man to Ghosts Of Mars. The most egregious are the direct lift from Ghosts of Mars. I kid you not, Resident Evil lifts an entire scene directly from Ghosts.

Milla Jovovich is a talented actress and she does all she can with the material she is given. The same goes for her co-star, Girlfight's Michele Rodriguez, who hits all the tough girl poses that in a better film might make her a viable choice for an action leading lady.

Resident Evil isn't the worst video game adaptation, that title still belongs to Super Mario Bros. and Tomb Raider. That's about the nicest thing I can say about Resident Evil.

Movie Review: Battle Los Angeles

Battle Los Angeles (2011) 

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman

Written by Chris Bertolini 

Starring Aaron Eckhardt, Ramon Rodriguez, Michelle Rodriguez, Bridget Moynihan 

Release Date March 11th, 2011 

Published March 10th, 2011 

The sci-fi action flick "Battle: Los Angeles" has me quite torn. On the one hand, it is a brutal exercise in poor filmmaking techniques and terrible writing. On the other hand, the chaotic intensity of "Battle: Los Angeles" builds to a surprisingly rousing conclusion that any red blooded American can only cheer for.

Aaron Eckhardt stars in "Battle: Los Angeles" as Master Sgt. Michael Nantz, a 20 year Marine veteran who has just filed his retirement papers. Sgt. Nantz is plotting life after the marines when a meteor shower begins impacting off the coast of Santa Monica. Unfortunately, these are not meteors but rather alien beings intent on war.

With forces stretched thin Nantz joins a unit led by the much younger and very green, Lt. William Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez). The rest of the unit is populated with war movie stereotypes much older than the actors playing them and is more notable for its PC multiculturalism than for any one of the performances. However, Michelle Rodriguez joins the film late and offers a dash of tough chick vitality.

The unit is tasked with rescuing civilians trapped at a Santa Monica police station. The civilians include a veterinarian played Bridget Moynihan and a father (Michael Pena) protecting his son. Two other children are present as well though the film does a poor job of mentioning who they are or why they are present.

The task at hand for the unit is laid out like a videogame and, as shot by director Jonathan Liebesman (Darkness Falls), it feels a lot like a first person shooter game. The camera whips about as if it were being controlled by a caffeine addled gamer preventing the audience from gaining any perspective on the action at hand. Audience members prone to motion sickness might want to bring medication.

The characters are mostly forgettable; the dialogue is filled with atrocious cliches and malapropisms. The film style is so hectic in "Battle: Los Angeles" that you really don't know what's happening from one scene to the next. So, you're probably wondering: What is good about "Battle Los Angeles?"

Director Jonathan Liebesman makes up for many of the film deficiencies by establishing an intensely chaotic tone that despite awful dialogue and by the numbers characters can be quite compelling. The film's final act in which Eckhardt leads a ragtag crew back into action to take out an alien outpost that controls deadly, unmanned alien drones builds to a rousing finish.

The ending takes advantage, for better or worse, of our inclination toward patriotism. If you cannot be moved by our troops at their bravest readying for the biggest battle the country has ever seen, even if it is against fake aliens, then you are definitely not the audience for "Battle: Los Angeles" which doesn't literally wave the American flag but definitely salutes.

Hectic and at times completely awful, "Battle: Los Angeles" gains its appeal from star Aaron Eckhardt who commits fully to the premise and sells you on his guts alone. He believes in the action around him and because of him you do to, sort of. Most of the movie is pretty terrible but when Eckhardt leads the final battle you will work hard not to be moved to cheer, a little.