Movie Review: Uglydolls

Uglydolls (2019) 

Directed by Kelly Asbury

Written by Allison Peck 

Starring Kelly Clarkson, Nick Jonas, Janelle Monae, Blake Shelton, Pitbull, Wanda Sykes 

Release Date May 3rd, 2019

Published May 3rd, 2019 

The mindless simplicity of Uglydolls is almost charming. The guilelessness, the complete, earnest, lack of edge, approaches something genuinely appealing. I can’t sit here and tell you that I, a 43 year old, single, male, film critic, enjoyed anything about Uglydolls but there is a limit to the amount of disdain I can set aside for something so legitimately harmless. There is nothing remotely offensive about Uglydolls, even as there is nothing particularly interesting about it either. 

Uglydolls features the voice of pop-reality star Kelly Clarkson as Moxy, an uglydoll who is not aware that ‘ugly’ is meant as an insult. She, along with the rest of the denizens of Uglyville, have no notion that they are not simply, acceptably, who they are. The people of Uglyville have no pretension, they have no capacity to judge the others who have judged them as lesser. That many of them are not aware that a world beyond the walls of the city exist probably helps matters. 

Moxy however, is obsessed with the notion of an outside world where she can fulfill her destiny as a beloved stuffed animal to a child in need. In order to get to the outside where, she recruits her dog, Uglydog (Rapper Pitbull), Luckybat (Leehom Wong), Wage (Wanda Sykes) and Babo (Gabriel Iglesias) to climb to a giant hole in Ugly mountain that she believes must lead to the outside world and to kids and homes and love. 

For the most part, Moxy is right. The real world exists but to get there, the Uglydolls will have to cross through, Perfection. Perfection is where perfect dolls are built and judged on whether or not they are perfect enough to go through the portal to the real world. Even among the perfect there are those who aren’t quite perfect enough, a fact we learn in song from the dreamiest man in Perfection, Lou (Nick Jonas). 

Lou acts as a gatekeeper who only allows perfect dolls to go through and become a cherished friend to a child in need. Lou uses his handsome looks and big, beautiful singing voice as a cudgel against anything deemed imperfect. Though he welcomes the Uglydolls initially, it only takes singing a few bars for Lou to unleash his evil toward the newcomers. Lou’s desire to appear benevolent toward Moxy and friends kicks the story into a perfunctory third act teaming with simplistic metaphors. 

Getting annoyed at the predictability or over-familiarity of Uglydolls is a fool's errand. This is barely a movie and what is there is of an actual movie isn’t all that much. Uglydolls features a cast of well known and charming singers and actors who bring a good deal of energy and good cheer to their otherwise unmemorable performances. Strangely, the villain, voiced by Nick Jonas does most of the singing during the movie. Lou has multiple songs and a reprise of one of the songs during what is only an 87 minute movie. 

Uglydolls is a musical though none of the songs in the movie are particularly memorable. Each of the songs are either mindless child self-esteem boosters or plot heavy exposition by Jonas’s villain. None of the songs are likely to have a life outside of the movie on pop radio, spotify or YouTube. Kelly Clarkson, Jonas and Blake Shelton have name recognition and huge fanbases but even devotees of their work are unlikely to even be aware of Uglydolls and its bland soundtrack. 

There aren’t many laughs in Uglydolls. For the most part, the film is mildly amusing at best. The kindest thing I can say, from my admittedly not all that valuable perspective of this genre, is that the film is not offensive. Uglydolls is harmless, brainless, minor entertainment that kids 8 years old and under can safely consume and forget about, aside from maybe wanting to buy their own Moxy doll or one of Moxy’s fellow Uglydolls.

There is perhaps more money in merchandising Uglydolls than there is in making this movie. The sales of stuffed Uglydolls will likely go well beyond the box office of Uglydolls and there’s nothing wrong with that. Uglydolls is one of those rare, utterly inconsequential movies that doesn’t need to exist but doesn’t change anything by existing. The world will not remember Uglydolls in a fews after release and I can feel it already leaving my mind even faster. 

I do recommend Uglydolls however, for parents in desperate need of a TV nanny, something for little, little kids to enjoy for bright colors, a forgettably safe empowerment message and something so ridiculously safe for their developing minds, it might as well be a nap in the form of a movie. 

Movie Review: Evan Almighty

Evan Almighty (2007) 

Directed by Tom Shadyac 

Written by Steve Oedekirk 

Starring Steve Carell, Morgan Freeman, Lauren Graham, John Goodman, Wanda Sykes

Release Date June 22nd, 2007

Published June 21st, 2007 

I found Bruce Almighty a little puzzling. Was Jim Carrey God for the entire world or just for the city of Buffalo where the film is set? Who knows, I guess the real question is why I am dragging such a logical question in to a discussion of a movie where logic is the least important thing imaginable? Bruce Almighty wasn't really a movie, in the sense of a series of scenes that coalesce into a story. Rather, Bruce Almighty was a concept blown up to movie length. Director Tom Shadyac and writer Steve Oedekirk simply thought of a one line pitch, Jim Carrey as God, and worked from there. The same creative bankruptcy plagues the even more logic free pseudo-sequel Evan Almighty. This film emerged from yet another one line pitch, Steve Carell as Noah.

Evan Baxter (Carell) was Buffalo's number 1 newscaster. Now he is Buffalo's representative in Congress having recently won election. Moving with his family, including his wife Joan (Lauren Graham) and their three sons, to Washington D.C; Evan has promised voters that he is going to change the world. God (Morgan Freeman) likes Evan's ambition and decides to offer Evan the opportunity to really change the world.

Dropping wood and tools on Evan's lawn, God tasks the former newsman to build an ark. The flood is coming and Evan will have to have the boat built in time if he is going to change the world and save a few lives. Evan is naturally skeptical but when animals begin following him wherever he goes, and he sprouts facial hair that Charlton Heston in The 10 Commandments would envy, he can no longer fight what God has asked him to do.

Directed by Tom Shadyac, who also directed Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty is a spirited but lunkheaded comedy. Star Steve Carell does everything short of roll over and beg for laughs as he tries to wring some humor out the muck of Evan Almighty. It's a tribute to his talent and that of his picking up a paycheck co-star Morgan Freeman, that Evan Almighty does have a happy vibe throughout.

Unfortunately for both performers, director Tom Shadyac simply cannot get ahold of this material. Every plot strand seems to run off in a different direction and he simply lacks the ability to coax it all back into a cohesive whole. Meanwhile, as the story drifts away, the special effects, from CGI condors, tigers and bears to the abysmal, Ed Wood gone computerized, flood, all are strictly amateur efforts.

There are numerous things wrong with Evan Almighty aside from Tom Shadyac's ability to bring it all together as a cohesive whole. A glaring problem is the films gutlessness. This is a biblical tale, God is one of the stars, and yet real religion is scarce. We never learn what denomination Evan is nor do we see him in church. Piety is not entirely necessary but the film never takes a stance on just how religious Evan is aside from a brief, begrudging prayer.

This is also a film in which politics are involved and yet the filmmakers seem to have no concept of how politics or democracy works. As Evan gets into his ark building, robe wearing, shaggy bearded business he worries that he may be fired from his job. Evan is a Congressman. To fire him, the voters have to vote him out; yet he acts as if John Goodman's evil elder congressman is his boss with the ability to banish him if he feels like it.

(Side note, I am aware that Congress can expel a member of Congress, however, one single Congressman cannot fire another Congressman.) 

Of the glaring political misnomers, where is the President? The alternate universe of Evan Almighty has no President. He's not even referred to. One would think that if a nutty Congressman started dressing like Noah and building a giant ark and bringing animals, two by two, from across the globe, the President of the United States just might notice it and have a comment or two.

And in case you were wondering where Evan stands politically, the film does not assign him a political party. Fearing they might turn off potential moviegoers, Evan's politics are mysterious at best. He drives a Hummer which some would see as being Republican-ish, but that is not a great indicator. This might not matter if Evan were something of a political dupe who got elected by chance thanks to a welcoming smile and positive demeanor but the story establishes quickly that Evan is neither incompetent or incapable.

As with all things in mainstream Hollywood, this is a box office calculation. The movie must appear as all things to all people so as not to offend any potential audience. Hence, no religious affiliation for Evan nor a political party. This, of course, only serves to muddy the waters of the films comic intentions. It can't be a satire of anything because that would require a perspective. There is a muddled pro-environment message. John Goodman's evil congressman is trying to push through an environmentally unsound bill, but the details of this plot are too confused for any useful context.

So why did I walk out of Evan Almighty smiling? I'm not exactly sure. There is a big dance sequence over the credits with a lot of behind the scenes footage that is a whole lot of fun. There is also the quick witted performance of comedian Wanda Sykes who seems to be reprising her role from another awful movie, the Jane Fonda-Jennifer Lopez pseudo-comedy Monster In Law.

As she did in Monster In Law, Sykes performs the service of comic fixer. When scenes lack humor, as so many scenes in Evan Almighty seem to, director Shadyac simply cuts to Sykes for yet another of her quick witted quips and put downs. You can sense even when the quips were scripted and when they weren't, the likely ad-libs of Ms. Sykes are far funnier than the scripted ones.

There is a scene where Evan confronts congress in his full Noah garb and Sykes provides comic commentary from an entirely different location, speaking to no one but us in the audience. Intentional or not, this scene seems cobbled together as if it simply weren't working and the editors cut in clips of Sykes to make the scenes funny.

Steve Carell does what he can with this inelegant script and gamely throws his body into as much slapstick as he can endure. His attempts are kind of funny in that classic three stooges, laugh at someone else's pain sort of way, but when not throwing himself to the ground or hitting himself with a hammer, Carell is left at the mercy of this ludicrous script and left only a little dance to try and bring some life to scenes. The dance gets old quick.

Cowardly, confused and amateurish, Evan Almighty is a terrifically bad movie. And yet, I feel bad trashing it too much. Steve Carell is so talented and likable that I want to cut this film all the slack I can. That isn't much. Wanda Sykes is a real scene stealer but there is no need to waste your time seeking her out in this film when DVD's of her stand up material are readily available and free of the yoke of pulling this movie behind it.

Evan Almighty is the most expensive comedy ever made and one of the biggest wastes of money Hollywood has brought to the screen in a long while.