Movie Review Halloween (Remake)

Halloween (2007) 

Directed by Rob Zombie 

Written by Rob Zombie

Starring Scout Taylor Compton, Sheri Moon Zombie, Tyler Maine, Danielle Harris, Malcolm McDowell

Release Date August 31st, 2007

Published September 1st, 2007

A question for fans of the Rob Zombie version of John Carpenter's horror classic Halloween (if there are any). What did you enjoy about this movie? This is honest curiosity. I watched Halloween aghast not necessarily because of the ample, overwrought gore. No, rather because Halloween manages to be sloppier and less professional than either of Zombie's previous two bad movies.

More to the point of my curiosity however is the question of what you really did enjoy. The film isn't frightening, it's too ineptly put together to be frightening. It's certainly not humorous, the violence and attitude that Zombie brings to the film is far too self serious for humor. Is it that you find this misogynist,  fantasy titillating? If that's the case boys, get out of mom's basement and get yourself a girlfriend or maybe some counseling.

Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor Compton) has no idea where she came from. The life she has known since being very small is one of loving parents and a beautiful home. She has no idea that she has a brother and that her brother changed her life forever by killing their parents. It turned out for the best for young Laurie, unfortunately her brother Michael did not turn out so well.

Committed to an institution for the criminally insane at the age of 10, Michael at first refused to acknowledge what he did, despite the caring entreaties of Doctor Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell. After 15 years and a couple more murders while incarcerated, Michael refuses to speak to anyone and Dr. Loomis is gone, having turned Michael's murderous life story into a bestseller.

It's Halloween; 15 years to the day Michael murdered all but his little sister. He is to be moved to another, more secure institution, when he decides he's had enough. Killing everyone in his path, Michael escapes and begins the trek home. Only Dr. Loomis is able to determine Michael's whereabouts and even his motivations. Michael is going home to see his little sister.

In John Carpenter's original Halloween no reason is given for why as child Michael Myers killed his older sister. Like more than a few horror fans, Rob Zombie was not satisfied not knowing why Michael became evil. Thus Zombie invents a family and an injurious back story that includes a vile, abusive step father (William Forsythe), a stripper mom (Sherry Moon-Zombie), and a resentful older sister (Hannah Hall).

Michael also has trouble at school where he is constantly made fun of by classmates. 10 year old Daeg Fanch is quite convincingly disturbed for a 10 year old and I credit Rob Zombie for finding the kid and giving him one creepy looking clown mask. That is where my praise of Mr. Zombie will end. The new backstory doesn't explain Myers' supernatural strength and ability to survive multiple bullet wounds and impalings.

What John Carpenter knew and what Rob Zombie ignores, is that not having a full backstory for Michael Myers allowed Carpenter to make him into whatever he wanted, including giving Myers the air of the supernatural. The backstory provides something of a psychological background but Zombie's reaching for realism sinks the film from a logical standpoint. Michael Myers can't survive all of those bullets, impaling's, and falls from great heights if you are aiming for 'realism'.

Of the many failings of Rob Zombie's Halloween is the lack of any kind of suspense. Zombie's approach to Michael Myers' taking of victims has as much suspense as a hammer hitting a nail. Put Myers in a room and whoever else is in the room with him is guaranteed death. That is, except for the lead actress who, at the very least, has to last to the ending. Whether she survives or not, I won't spoil it.

Maybe Zombie was too busy ogling his young female cast to consider that their deaths should have some significance or drama. Zombie's main concern throughout Michael Myers' second act killing spree is making certain that each of the young girls is topless before they are fileted like fish. That these actresses are playing under age characters, high schoolers, seems not to have bothered or put off Zombie in any way.

And yet, there is a classic horror movie clichéd conservatism to Zombie's approach. I have always been fascinated with the moralistic streak that horror films have and Rob Zombie's Halloween is no exception. As in many classic horror films the young victims, male and female, are decimated by the killer after having had pre-marital sex. Michael Myers, like his brethren Freddy and Jason, is the hand of a punishing god, killing for the sins of man.

Zombie lacks the intellect or insight to explore this horror movie moralism and abandons any notion of it after he has sliced and diced his nude teenagers.

Rob Zombie's Halloween pales in comparison to the compact, suspenseful horror of John Carpenter. A master of the genre, Carpenter knew that realism and grossout are not the real tools of the horror trade but rather that suspense and tension are what keep audiences on the edge of their seats. Yes, Carpenter spilled a great deal of blood and he knew how to use death for shock value but his skills far exceed those of Rob Zombie and that is why Carpenter is a legend and Rob Zombie is a low life hack.

Movie Review The Hitcher

The Hitcher (2007) 

Directed by Dave Meyers 

Written by Eric Bernt, Eric Red, Jake Wade Wall 

Starring Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton, Neal McDonough, 

Release Date January 19th, 2007 

Published January 19th, 2007 

Just referring to a film as a remake causes the eyes to  roll up. Especially horror remakes. The remake of 1986's The Hitcher I'm sure made many an eye roll as mine did. Seeing the name of Michael Bay as producer gives little reassurance. Bay was responsible for both of the awful Texas Chainsaw Massacre reimaginings as well as the forgettable Amityville Horror remake in 2005. By some miracle however, this remake of The Hitcher works. Director Dave Meyers delivers a tightly focused edge of your seat, horror thriller that features a star making performance from Sophia Bush.

On a trip to spring break Grace (Sophia Bush) and her boyfriend Jim (Jim Knighton) pass a man on a rainy stretch of New Mexico highway. He was standing almost in the middle of the road and was nearly hit but did not move. They chose to leave him there but unfortunately, the hitcher, John Ryder (Sean Bean) caught up with them at a gas station down the road.

Feeling guilty, Jim offers John Ryder a ride to a hotel just down the road. Thus begins a tale of terror that the young couple could never have imagined. Ryder is a psychopath who has killed up and down the highways of America. Grace and Jim are lucky to escape him the first time. However, like a classic horror movie villain, John Ryder is not easy to get rid of.

The Hitcher is a remake of a 1986 horror flick that starred then teen sensation C. Thomas Howell as a good samaritan and Rutger Hauer as his menacing passenger. Hauer's hitcher seemed untouchable as one of the genre's great villains. In the remake, the role falls to character actor and Lord of the Rings star Sean Bean. As John Ryder Bean definitely embodies menacing determination but he's no match for Hauer's Walken-esque killer.

Sophia Bush and John Knighton; on the other hand; more than surpass Howell's whiny teenager. Whily and brave, their Grace and Jim are surprisingly smart, self aware, characters who make rash but correct decisions. One of the reasons this remake works so well is because Bush and Knighton are allowed intelligence. The decisions they make are decisions anyone would make given such outlandish conditions.

What director Dave Meyers, a music video veteran making his feature debut, does so very well in The Hitcher is establish his own logic and stick to it. The situations in The Hitcher are not unlike most horror movies, the difference is that The Hitcher establishes its own level of reality and remains existing within the rules of that reality. That allows us in the audience to suspend disbelief and get into the nervy, exciting tension of this story.

If I have an issue with The Hitcher it is with the slim, almost non-existent motivation of the title character. John Ryder is simply a killer who would have killed Grace and Jim whether they stopped the first time they saw him or after they finally did decide to help him. His motivation is simple bloodlust which I found unsatisfying. The Hitcher seems like it could make this killer more complicated and interesting. As it is, he is menacing but thin.

Sophia Bush is best known for the teen drama One Tree Hill on the CW network; but she is soon to be a very big star. The sexy star of The Hitcher is said to be the lead candidate to take over the coveted role of Wonder Woman when that film series starts up. Based on her tough minded work in The Hitcher, they could not make a better choice. Bush is sexy and vulnerable with a strong backbone and determination. Her work near the end of The Hitcher evokes a touch of Jamie Lee Curtis and a dash of Sigourney Weaver.

The Hitcher gets extra points for featuring actor Neal McDonough in a supporting role. McDonough is one of the more underappreciated character actors in the business. He broke out in the short lived series Boomtown on NBC and from there has been stellar in small roles in Flags of Our Fathers and Minority Report. As a tough as nails sheriff in The Hitcher, McDonough is the perfect measure of small town hard ass and pragmatism. He doesn't believe the horror being unleashed but he is one of the few with the toughness to deal with it.

Director Dave Meyers got his start in music videos but unlike most video directors who make the move to features, Meyers is not tied to that video style of quick edits, bright colors and shaky cameras. Meyers' direction of The Hitcher is smart and stylish in the classic thriller fashion. Using tight close ups, Meyers closes the frame around his actors and creates tension with his camera.

Best of all, he makes sparing use of the typical horror movie jump scene, that scene where things pop up out of nowhere as the music spikes. It's the cheapest kind of scare and Meyers is smart to avoid it, for the most part.

Director Dave Meyers shows terrific chops in turning a horror retread into a surprisingly suspenseful horror experience. The Hitcher should have been just another January programmer; but because of Meyers and the tough sexy performance of rising star Sophia Bush, The Hitcher is a stunner of edge of your seat excitement. Not a perfect horror film; but damn sure an entertaining one.

Movie Review Friday the 13th (Remake)

Friday the 13th (2009) 

Directed by Marcus Nispel 

Written by Damian Shannon, Michael Swift 

Starring Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo

Release Date February 13th, 2009 

Published February 13th, 2009 

I get why horror movies are popular. Who doesn't love a good scare. The horror masters of the 70's and 80's used gore and nudity to tantalize our lower brain and piled a little suspense on top to keep us completely engaged. The mixture created an era in the genre that cannot be matched and is long over. The modern horror film has devolved from the standards of the classics. The modern obsession with torture and 'realism' has turned a lowbrow genre into a frightening reflection of a devolving society. If the latest addition to the torture porn genre, Friday the 13th the remake, is what modern horror audiences want, god help us all.

The latest 're-imagining' from the ugly sad minds of producer Michael Bay and director Marcus Nispel, the new Friday the 13th takes gory pleasure in creating characters so loathsome that they challenge one not to root for the maniac murderer. Some might call that daring, I just call it disturbing. A group of College kids take off into the woods surrounding Camp Crystal lake in search of a large crop of marijuana. Once they set camp for the night they engage in behaviors that invite the oddly puritanical psychopath Jason Voorhees.

Though ostensibly Jason kills because of his mommy issues, she was killed by camp counselors after she killed a number of them, evidence seems to indicate that Jason kills out of some misguided moralistic crusade against sexual promiscuity and illicit drug and alcohol consumption. Jason's first victim here is a pothead. The next two victims are in the midst of a sexual encounter. The next two? Thinking about sex and slightly inebriated. Once this first group is dispatched another group arrives at a lake side cabin not far from Ol' camp Crystal Lake.

Once again, drugs, alcohol and sex are prominent. On top of the illicit activities, each of these characters are supreme jackasses. Obnoxious, overbearing jerks, especially their douche-bag host played by Travis Van Winkle. Van Winkle's Trent is king douche-bag and not rooting for Jason to take his head right off his douche-bag shoulders is a herculean effort. Thus we get Jason Voorhees' moral crusader. Righting the wrongs of the heedless, consumptive and hedonistic youth. It's a bizarro land of right and wrong, good and evil, that delights in torture and murder while attempting to justify the killing in a wildly odd moralistic fashion.

Like a crazed bible thumper, Jason seeks eye for eye vengeance for the death of his mother and, though he never seems to know it, the film makers drive him to go all old testament on his sinning victims. Jason as a vengeful god is a truly bizarre conceit. The same instinct that drives Jason to punish is the same that seems to draw an audience to witness the slaughter. There is a distinct "Christians and lions" feel to modern horror. As the Romans merely witnessed bloody slaughters we are invited to do so with a slightly more dramatic distance. Actors being killed with special effects is a far cry from real people being slaughtered, but the instinct to enjoy it is the same and almost as disturbing.

Indeed, the modern horror maker does want you to enjoy the slaughter, lingering as they do on the faux suffering and imitated degradation. And therein lies my issue, dear reader. Just what could drive someone to enjoy even the demonstration of degradation, torture and humiliation? Horror, back in the day, crafted super human cartoons who were always killable and always the bad guy, no matter how charismatic or iconic they became. You may have gone to the theater because of Michael Myers or Jason or Freddy but the rooting interest was always in seeing them overcome by their victims.

Today, I cannot figure out what the appeal or purpose of modern horror is. For the life of me, why anyone would want to watch the loathsome characters of Friday the 13th or their ugly disturbing deaths is beyond me. There is simply nothing appealing here and the compromising of good and evil, the seeming attempts to make Jason, ugh, sympathetic, are stomach turning. Friday the 13th exists in a moral vacuum. There is no good or evil, just the demonstration of death and some faux twisted puritanism masquerading as ironic aside. Of couse, these aren't real moral crusaders their are naked breasts and soft-core porn quality sex on display in this very R-rated movie. Thus, Jason's unlikely moral crusade is without a doubt expected to be humorous.

It's not humorous. There is nothing humorous and nothing even remotely appealing about this ugly, stupid, vile little movie.