Movie Review The Emoji Movie

The Emoji Movie (2017) 

Directed by Tony Leondis

Written by Tony Leondis, Eric Siegel, Mike White

Starring T.J Miller, James Corden, Patrick Stewart, Anna Faris

Release Date July 28th, 1997

What is there to be said about The Emoji Movie? That’s what I have been asking myself for the more than an hour since I sat down to write this review. This empty, mostly competent, 90+ minute ad for smartphone apps doesn’t inspire much to be written about it. Sure, I could rail against the empty, soulless, mercenary nature of what amounts to app product placement the movie, but I have been shouting into that void since the trailer for the film hit and no one seemed to care then. So, let’s just start writing and see what happens.

The Emoji Movie centers around Gene (Voiced by T.J Miller), a professional "Meh" emoji on his first day on the job in Textopolis, a home for Emoji’s inside a teenager’s phone. Gene’s parents Mel and Mary Meh (Steven Wright and Jennifer Coolidge) aren’t sure Gene is ready for the job of expressing indifference because, unlike other Emojis in Textopolis, Gene is able to perform other Emoji functions beyond just being the face of Meh.

When Gene panics and ruins a text to a girl by making a funny face instead of Meh, he’s set to be deleted as if he were a virus. This leads to Gene having to flee Textopolis with his new pal Hi-5 (James Corden) to find a hacker named Jailbreak (Anna Faris) whom he hopes will be able to reprogram him to be Meh and help Hi-5 get back into the favorites page of his owner’s phone where he was once among the most oft-used Emojis.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review The Fifth Element

The Fifth Element (1997) 

Directed by Luc Besson

Written by Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen

Starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Gary Oldman, Chris Tucker

Release Date May 7th, 1997 

I love the way Luc Besson views the universe. Besson sees the universe in bright bold colors. It’s the way I would like to view the universe. While my mind is often clouded by the often sad and tragic state of humanity, and especially man’s inhumanity to man, Besson manages to look beyond and see the beauty beyond our planet and into the stars.

The best example of how Luc Besson sees the universe, aside from his dazzling yet somewhat empty new film Valerian and the Planet of A Thousand Cities, is the 1997 film The Fifth Element, this week’s classic on the I Hate Critics movie review podcast.

The Fifth Element was well ahead of its time, a sci-fi movie filled with vibrant color, extraordinary costumes, and remarkable, often mind-blowing, special effects and production design.

If only that same vibrancy extended to the characters. You see, for as much as I am dazzled by the spectacle, the visual dynamism of Luc Besson and The Fifth Element, he’s not a director who is particularly interested in characters. Besson, though thoroughly detailed in costumes and set design and special effects, is not a director of actors.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review La Bamba

La Bamba (1987) 

Directed by Luis Valdez

Written by Luis Valdez

Starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Esai Morales, Joe Pantoliano, Elizabeth Pena

Release Date July 24th, 1987

Somehow, despite having seen the movie La Bamba more than a dozen times in my life, watching the movie on its 30th Anniversary felt brand new. La Bamba was a film of my youth; I was 11 years old when the film hit theaters in 1987. I watched it repeatedly when it was on pay cable and free TV in the later 80’s and 90’s and then the film fell from my memory. You might be wondering how I could have allowed something I must’ve treasured to leave my memories. The answer is more complicated than I had imagined.

La Bamba, the movie, we will get to the song later, tells the story of teenage rock star Ritchie Valens who nearly became a footnote in musical history when he was killed in a plane crash alongside the legendary Buddy Holly and fellow rising star The Big Bopper, on February 3rd, 1959, after having released only 3 hit singles and being a mere 17 years old. Though his popularity was rising in 1959 with people comparing the young Chicano rocker to Elvis, Valens wasn’t nearly the star Buddy Holly was and could have been preserved in history only by his family and community had it not been for this remarkable 1987 biopic.

Director Luis Valdez is a legend in his own right and in his own unique way. Desperate for an outlet for his plays, Valdez approached legendary California union activist Cesar Chavez about creating a theater troupe among the striking migrant workers. Chavez agreed only after Valdez devoted time to union organizing, time which he also took to recruit actors and performers from among the striking union to join him. He founded a troupe called El Treato Campesino, The Farmworkers Theater, which has become the creative home for Mexican Americans of many talents over the past 50 plus years.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review Dunkirk

Dunkirk (2017)

Directed by Christopher Nolan 

Written by Christopher Nolan 

Starring Fionn Whitehead, Kenneth Branagh, Jack Lowden, Barry Keoghan, Harry Styles, Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance, Cillian Murphy

Release Date July 21st, 2017

With The Dark Knight trilogy and Inception, director Christopher Nolan has ascended to that rarefied air of directors who can sell a movie with his name alone. Nolan now stands shoulder to shoulder with fellow relative newcomers J.J. Abrams and Joss Whedon and the original superstar director, Steven Speilberg.

The proof comes with the release of Dunkirk, Nolan's latest film and one with a minimum of star-power, rough, non-commercial subject matter, and a World War II setting that has rarely been the home of four quadrant hits without the back up of major stars like Tom Hanks or John Wayne. If Dunkirk is to succeed it will be the director of Batman who makes it happen.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media



Movie Review Scream 5

Scream 5 (2022) 

Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett 

Written by JamesVanderbilt, Gary Busick, Kevin Williamson

Starring Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega 

Release Date January 14, 2022 

Published June 13th, 2023

Just a few years ago the WWE had an issue. There are moves in wrestling called 'Finishers.' The 'Finisher' is supposed to end a match. When the 'Finisher' is struck, 1, 2, 3 almost always should follow. But, for a time, WWE forgot about the concept of the 'Finisher.' Wrestlers began surviving finishing moves. Moves that used to be finishers in the 1980s were no longer effective enough to end a match. Even the most protected finishers, the ones that NO ONE got up from, began to become not fully effective. 

The choice, and it was a choice, it's a scripted medium, to allow wrestlers to survive a finishing move, began to affect the drama of matches. When a finisher becomes ineffective, the drama, build to an ending of a match becomes drawn out and less dramatic. I mention this in a review of Scream 5 because it's become concerning how ineffective a finishing maneuver in the Scream universe has become. I'm speaking of stabbing. Stabbing is supposed to be a finishing movie for the masked villains of the Scream universe. However, as they enter further and further into the franchise, stabbing has almost become a transition move. 

Today, when someone in a Scream movie gets stabbed it's more of a brief hindrance than something that leads to death. It's becoming an epidemic in the Scream franchise that a stab wound is as easy to survive as a paper cut. The drama and excitement of the killer getting their hands on a main character and putting a knife to them is beginning to dissipate as we are less and less worried that a character will die from having a sharp implement repeatedly stuck into vital organs. 

Scream 5 is a minor course correction for this issue. In Scream 5, a main character finally dies from repeated stab wounds. It's a rare shocking moment in a franchise that is growing short on shockers as it ages into adulthood as a franchise that is now in its mid-20s. The death of this main character, which, by now, most of you are aware of, caught many off guard when the film was released in 2022. It's a shock death that may be responsible for reviving the franchise, even as this character was widely beloved and a reason many enjoyed this franchise for so long. 

That death aside, Scream 5 revives the franchise in other ways. Most importantly by providing a pair of leads who are likable and easy to root for. First and foremost, young Jenna Ortega, who has since this film, shot to fame on the Netflix Addams Family series, Wednesday, joined the franchise as seemingly the first victim. In an upending of expectations however, Ortega's Tara Carpenter survived her multiple stab wounds. The attack on Tara introduces the actual new face of the Scream franchise, Melissa Barrera as Tara's older sister, Sam Carpenter. 

Sam has been apart from her family for some time but she returns to her hometown of Woodsboro when she learns that someone attacked her sister. Joining her is her boyfriend and co-worker, Richie Kirsch (Jack Quaid), a bit of a doofus but a seemingly decent guy. When Tara decides to investigate the attack on her sister, she also drafts in Tara's friends, Twins Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown) and Chad (Mason Gooding), and Wes (Dylan Minnette). Together, the group seeks out the one person who might be able to shed some light on the attempted murderer or murderers, former Woodsboro Sheriff Dewey Riley (David Arquette). 



Now back in Woodsboro and living in a trailer home, pining for his ex-wife Gale (Courtney Cox), who remains in New York as a big time news anchor, Dewey is reluctant to get involved in another Woodsboro murder spree. Dewey's been through this a lot, lost a lot of people and survived having been stabbed many, many times. To say that he's not eager to go back into the fray against a brand new Ghostface is an understatement. But, when he finds out about Tara's secret connection to the original Ghostface killers, he decides to get involved. 

In a move that was controversial, to say the least, the new Scream creative team, directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett and writers James Vanderbilt and Guy Busick, have introduced a seemingly supernatural element to the Scream franchise. Via Tara's connection to one of the original Ghostface killers, we find that long dead murderer having conversations with and giving advice to Tara as she fights for the life of herself and her friends against the new Ghostface killers. It's a strange choice and one that I can understand was quite off-putting to long time fans of the franchise. 

That said, I really liked seeing this actor back in the Scream franchise. I enjoyed the way his introduction into this story became a red herring and a sort of secret superpower for Tara that evened the playing field a bit between the killers who could seemingly be anywhere at any time and their target, Tara. Supernatural elements absolutely violate the canon of the Scream franchise but, considering how often the main characters of the franchise have survived numerous stab wounds and gunshot wounds, one could argue that the supernatural was creeping into the Scream franchise throughout the run of the series. 

Scream 5 was intended to be a passing of the torch from one generation to the next. Thus, we get the return of Neve Campbell as Sidney Prescott. Now a mom with a life thriving outside the spotlight of her survival of multiple murder attempts, Sidney returns to Westboro following the death of that main character I mentioned earlier. One thing that Scream 5 absolutely gets right is the reunion of Courtney Cox's Gale and Campbell's Sidney. I was legitimately choked up by the sight of the two of them together, especially under the circumstances of the moment. Scream 5 gets this lovely moment right and it sets a good tone for the rest of the movie. 

The final act of Scream 5 moves at a good clip and the motivation of the dual killers of this Scream iteration are well played out, darkly humorous, as is tradition, and filled with bloody, bloody violence. Stab wounds are rendered mostly ineffective by the end of Scream 5, a fact that dooms Scream 6, as you can read in my 2023 pan of that film, but only after we've reached the credits of this take on the series. Stabbing is losing its potency, but it isn't until we find our main characters are completely indestructible that in Scream 6 that the movie completely rolls into a sad parody of itself. 

I was quite surprised by how much I liked Scream 5. I liked the new characters, I enjoyed the murderous set pieces that carried some genuine suspense, and I really enjoyed the use of our Scream originals. David Arquette, Neve Campbell, and Courtney Cox are old hands at this point but each remains a welcome and beloved presence in these films. Scream 6, in fact, suffers from a lack of Campbell's steady, graceful and resourceful presence. But Scream 5 has our beloved trio and each is used to wonderful degree to welcome the new cast and establish this new era for the franchise. Sadly, as I write this review after having seen Scream 6, the new era of Scream has already crashed and burned in my estimation. But, at least Scream 5 was good. 



Classic Movie Review Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993) 

Directed by Stuart Gillard 

Written by Stuart Gillard 

Starring Paige Turco, Elias Koteas 

Release Date March 19th, 1993 

Published June 2023 

It was clear that the makers of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise was fast losing steam right about the time Vanilla Ice appeared in TMNT 2 to rap the phrase 'Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!' It's at about that point that as a culture we had come to the conclusion that the necessity for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle feature film was no longer a necessity. And yet, against all good sense and taste, the makers of the franchise pressed on with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a screamingly minor entry in a franchise that had only narrowly found the energy for one and one half part of a movie and sequel. 

And yet, someone forked over a $21 million dollar budget to send the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in time to some loose configuration of a past somewhere in Asia. Time travel is yet another signpost in the sweaty, desperate creation of a third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Someone really promised more than they could possibly deliver to convince anyone that this was worth doing. Nothing in the film certainly justifies why this sequel was ever brought to the light of day, let alone unleashed on an unsuspecting public in movie theaters. 

My heart goes out to the parents of 1993 who must have napped or stayed in the car while their kids watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. The chore of sitting through this nonsense is like a parent being grounded by their kid and made to sit in time out for 90 minutes. This is a screamingly inessential film, a movie that has no right to exist in any way and yet somehow it does. Time, effort, and cold hard cash was dedicated to bringing this movie to the world and, for the life of me, I cannot imagine why. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them

The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them (1993) 

Directed by Matthew Meshakoff 

Written by Noah Stern 

Starring Arye Gross, Kevin Pollak, Courtney Cox, Julie Brown

Release Date March 26th, 1993 

Published June 9th, 2023 

There is a scene in the 1993 'romantic comedy' The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them that demonstrates the ugly toxicity of the early 1990s. Courtney Cox has gone to the beach with her new boyfriend, played by a sentient loaf of wonder bread named Arye Gross. As he lounges on the beach, Gross's friends grab Cox and drag her away to play some beach game. When she returns, she's nude, save for a towel. His friends have stripped her naked during this 'game' and she was able to limp back to her boyfriend who could not be less interested in her plight. 

Cox's character appears shaken by this. She makes clear that she did not consent to being stripped nude by her boyfriend's friends. And yet, the tone of the scene is clearly comic. We are expected to laugh about this implied sexual assault. We know this because Gross appears to find this situation very funny as he jokingly blames her for letting his friends drag her into their game. Apparently, she should have known better. That scene is par for the course on how ugly, toxic, and misogynistic this movie is, especially through the lens of 30 years later. 

For those thinking I am going to defend this in any way by saying 'it was a different time,' I will not be doing that. What happened in this scene was wrong when it took place as it remains wrong today. This casual attitude toward assault is reflective of a culture at the time that excused far too much awful male behavior with the phrase 'boys will be boys.' That attitude is almost always followed by an admonishment of the victim, blaming the woman for putting herself into this situation. You can think, it's just a movie or it's just this movie, but this movie is a product of the attitudes of the time. It's a reflection of the casual ugliness around it. 

The entirety of The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them is terrifically awful. Moment one to moment last, this very stupid, mind-numbing 'romantic comedy' is never funny. It's a cringe inducing relic and somehow, it's a mere 30 years ago that this gross movie was released. If you wonder why we are reckoning with toxic masculinity and a culture of sexual harassment to this day, this movie is indicative of where we were just three decades ago. It was a time when were so comfortable with men assaulting an unwilling female victim that we made a joke of the assault in a romantic comedy. Let that sink in for a moment. 



Movie Review Megalopolis

 Megalopolis  Directed by Francis Ford Coppola  Written by Francis Ford Coppola  Starring Adam Driver, Nathalie Emmanuel, Giancarlo Esposito...