Classic Movie Review Army of Darkness

Army of Darkness (1993) 

Directed by Sam Raimi 

Written by Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi 

Starring Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz 

Release Date February 19th, 1993 

Published June 20th, 2023 

Army of Darkness is a direct sequel to Evil Dead 2 but, in the tradition of Evil Dead 1, continuity between the two is not necessary. The basic elements are enough to marry one film to the other. Ash (Bruce Campbell), survived a fight against the Deadites, zombie demons from another dimension, only to find himself sucked into another dimension. In this dimension there are Kings and servants, warring clans, and an ancient evil that Ash happens to have some experience in defeating. After demonstrating god-like powers in surviving against a Deadite at the bottom of a well, Ash is welcomed into this bizarre world. 

In classically Ash fashion, he immediately flirts with and gets the girl, Sheila (Davidtz), who is then subsequently stolen away and corrupted by the Deadites. In order to free this cursed land from the evil of the Deadites, Ash must go on a quest to retrieve the Book of the Dead, the very book that got him into this mess in Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2. The book was sucked through this dimensional portal along with Ash and has now fallen into the hands of the Deadites who've placed it in a cursed cemetery. The Arthurian touches in Army of Darkness are inspired gags. 

The key to Army of Darkness however, is a spirit of anarchic invention. Director Sam Raimi and his star, Bruce Campbell show off a childlike glee as they workout different bits and gags they can do with the larger budget and platform they were given following the modest but notable success of Evil Dead 2. If you ask Raimi, he would say that he didn't need the budget that was given to him but he also then felt obligated to spend it since he had it. With that, we get both improved special effects and the kinds of practical effects that Raimi developed a remarkable talent for in the Evil Dead movies. 

The combinations of Harryhausen inspired practicality, music, and slightly more expensive effects, are used to create a low budget atmosphere on a relatively large budget. Raimi's homemade aesthetic somehow survives the move to a big studio feature and there is a wonderful charm to how Army of Darkness combines big effects with the kind of inventive, chaotic, weirdness that drove Raimi in his early career as a filmmaker. The delight Raimi and his collaborators take in creating comic gore, and paying tribute to low budget effects movies of the past is wonderfully infectious. 

Bruce Campbell however, is perhaps the best special effect in the movie. Campbell's ability for physical comedy, his willingness to put his body on the line for a gag, and his more than willingness to be silly, is an incredible asset to the charm of Army of Darkness. His Ash may talk like a cross between the tough guy banter of Bogart and the suave charm of Errol Flynn, but Campbell has a comic quality that neither of those legendary performers has. It's a sly ability to ride the razors edge between silly camp and action movie star that is a one of a kind combination. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Last Action Hero

Last Action Hero (1993) 

Directed by John McTiernan 

Written by Shane Black, David Arnott 

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dylan O'Brien, Charles Dance, Anthony Quinn, Mercedes Ruehl, Tom Noonan 

Release Date June 18th, 1993  

Published June 19th 2023 

In the history of Hollywood debacles, Last Action Hero has quite a reputation. With massive budget overruns and egotistical executives pushing for an extremely misguided schedule and release date, Last Action Hero was a doomed production. Having began life as a parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger style action movies, the film had to be radically retrofitted when Schwarzenegger chose to star in the film. No longer could the star be the subject of the jokes, he was now the one making the jokes. With Schwarzenegger aboard, the original screenwriters were booted in favor of Shane Black and David Arnott who were tasked with solving a tricky tone of meta-humor and action movie tropes. 

That a movie vaguely watchable came out of the mishmash or rewrites and revisions, that included something like 7 writers, including rewrites by William Goldman and Carrie Fisher, on top of the original duo of Zak Penn and Adam Leff. Both the director and star each offered insight on the script and well, you know what they say about Too Many Cooks? Yeah, way too many cooks took their turn in trying to boil up a workable version of Last Action Hero and the result is a bland, tasteless, pile of gruel, a little salty thanks to Schwarzenegger's star power, but mostly a forgettable and moderately distasteful meal. 

The concept is really the only thing anyone seemed to like about Last Action Hero. In the plot, a 12 year old boy named Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien), receives a magical movie ticket as a gift from his friend, Nick the Projectionist (Robert Prosky), who has gifted Danny a preview showing of the new Jack Slater movie, Jack Slater 5. Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger), is an action movie hero in an action movie universe where he's an indestructible action machine who kills bad guys and cuts mad quips at their expense, all while rock music plays on a loop. 

It's everything an adrenalin fueled 12 year old could want, bullets, babes, bad guys, and our hero always wins in the end. This Jack Slater adventure however, is going to be a little different. Thanks to Danny's magic ticket, Danny is transported inside the movie. After dynamite seemingly blows up the movie theater, Danny wakes up in the back of Jack Slater's car, mid-car chase and shootout. Slater is as surprised as Danny to find a young boy in his back set, but that doesn't stop him from finishing off the bad guys and finishing the action scene. 

From there we explore the world of Jack Slater with Danny as our audience surrogate. All the while, Danny tries to convince Jack that they are in a movie in a series of jokes that diminish in comic returns each time. When Danny starts telling Jack that he saw the bad guys set up Jack's favorite second cousin Frank (Art Carney), Jack starts to take Danny seriously, a little bit. Things ramp up when the baddies realize Danny is on to them and the evil Mr. Benedict comes into possession of Danny's magic movie ticket and takes the chance to escape into the real world. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Blackening

The Blackening (2023) 

Directed by Tim Story 

Written by Tracy Oliver, Dewayne Perkins 

Starring Grace Byers, Jermaine Fowler, Melvin Gregg, X Mayo, Sinqua Walls 

Release Date June 16th, 2023 

Published June 19th, 2023 

The Blackening is a very funny and refreshing take on horror comedy. From the clever mind of director Tim Story and star/co-screenwriter Dewayne Perks and Tracy Oliver, The Blackening takes on numerous horror tropes and puts a new, exciting and often very funny twist on them. This is more than just because the cast is black, it's because the treatment of those well-worn tropes is inventive and really funny. The characters are unique and yet familiar, falling in line with classic horror tropes while upending the tropes with smart dialogue and clever sequences. 

The Blackening opens on a cabin the woods. Morgan (Yvonne Orji), and her boyfriend, Shawn (Jay Pharoah), engage in a series of meta-jokes as they come face to face with a bizarre and deeply problematic board game called The Blackening. Forced to play the game by some unseen bystander, the couple engage in the game and fail almost immediately when neither can name a black character who survived a well-known horror movie. The meta of the moment comes when Orji theorizes that Omar Epps and Jada Pinkett were killed off first in Scream 2 because they were big names that the production could not afford. Orji and Pharoah being, arguably, the best-known members of this cast, deliver this dialogue with a terrific comic knowingness. 

The rest of their party arrives soon after, though Morgan and Shawn are nowhere to be found. Arriving first are the threesome of Allison (Grace Byers), Lisa (Antoinette Robinson), and Dewayne (Dewayne Perkins). They have come for what is supposed to be a weekend of drugs, alcohol and college debauchery in honor of a 10-year college reunion. Lisa, however, has a secret motive. She's reconnected with her college boyfriend, Nnamdi (Sinqua Walls), much to the aggravation of Dewayne who recalls the number of times that Nnamdi cheated on his best friend. 

Later arriving is King (Melvin Gregg), a former thug, according to the dialogue, not my interpretation, King is now a man of peace and zen who makes a point of mentioning that he's married to a white woman. That will become kind of important in one of the film's standout comic horror moments. The final guests arriving are Shanika (X May0), the absolute scene stealer of The Blackening, and Clifton (Jermaine Fowler), someone who may or may not have actually been invited to this reunion. He claims he was invited by Morgan but since she's MIA, there is no way to prove that. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Crush

The Crush (1993) 

Directed by Alan Shapiro 

Written by Alan Shapiro 

Starring Alicia Silverstone, Cary Elwes, Jennifer Rubin, Kurtwood Smith

Release Date April 2nd 1993 

Published June 17th, 2023 

According to writer-director Alan Shapiro, The Crush, is based on a real life experience he had in which a teenage girl developed a fixation on him that became obsessive. This was an exaggeration to say the least. The original film, as shot and scripted by Shapiro even used the real name of the teenager, he claimed inspired the film. Naturally, because she is portrayed as a murderous nutjob in the movie, the real-life teenager sued Shapiro for Defamation of Character. The studio responded by clumsily changing the name of the main character via a comically bad piece of over-dubbing. 

It's doubtful that Shapiro's story actually happened as he characterized it. The reality appears to be that creepy studio executives were eager to make a thriller based on sexualizing a teenage girl and found Shapiro's very silly, self-aggrandizing script in a pile and saw potential dollar signs from the always lucrative creep market. The production of the film seems to back up that assertion as Silverstone had to dodge the attempts by executives to get her to do nude scenes and sexual scenes beyond what is in the final film. 

So insistent on a nude scene was one particular executive that a compromise was made. A body double stripped down for a scene showing off her backside in place of Silverstone's. Bear in mind, Silverstone was 16 at the time she made The Crush and the character in the movie is slightly younger than that. A mere 30 years ago, a Hollywood executive felt comfortable enough to ask a teenage actress to do a nude scene in a movie and became so insistent on the baring of teenage flesh in the movie that they had to compromise with an adult body double. That's just some of the super creepy backstory of 1993's The Crush. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Horror in the 90s The Guardian

The Guardian (1990)

Directed by William Friedkin

Written by Stephen Volk, William Friedkin

Starring Dwier Brown, Carey Lowell, Jenny Seagrove

Release Date April 27th, 1990

Box Office $17,000,000

The Guardian stars Dwier Brown and Carey Lowell as Phil and Kate Sterling. Phil and Kate have just moved to Los Angeles and have just found out they are having their first baby. Exciting times continue as their two jobs afford them a lovely suburban home and the ability to hire a nanny to care for their baby. The nanny they end up with is Camilla, played by Jenny Seagrove. Camilla got the job after the woman they initially wanted disappeared.

We know that that woman, played in a cameo by the wonderful Teresa Randle, has been badly injured, or possibly killed in a bike accident. We see this but it’s never clear if Phil and Kate are aware of what happened. Regardless, they appear quite pleased with hiring Camilla who appears to be warm and caring and has good references that they choose not to look into because she appears so sweet and sincere. What Phil and Kate don’t know however, is that a baby Camilla cared for in her last job, went missing under suspicious circumstances.

This sounds vaguely like the plot of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, doesn’t it. Indeed, The Guardian, at one point, was envisioned as a thriller along that line, one taking advantage of the fears of young parents. Then, at another point, The Guardian was envisioned as a broad horror comedy to be directed by Sam Raimi about a mystical being that cares for an ancient tree by providing the tree with the blood of babies. When Raimi left the project and was replaced by directing legend William Friedkin, the director of The Exorcist apparently decided to mash these two disparate premises together.

Thus we have The Guardian a horror-thriller about an evil enchanted tree protector who steals babies from unsuspecting couples to feed her evil enchanted tree. This sounds comic but it is not intended to be funny in any way. It is however, just as sloppy, slipshod, and silly, as such a mash-up of movies would inevitably be. Friedkin choosing to keep both movies that The Guardian used to be and trying to awkwardly weld them together ends up delivering a desperately confused and unintentionally funny horror mess.

Find my full length review at Horror.Media

Movie Review Kidnap

Kidnap (2017) 

Directed by Luis Prieto

Written by Knate Lee 

Starring Halle Berry, Lew Temple

Release Date August 4th, 2017

Halle Berry has been on an astonishing losing streak at the box office since she won the Academy Award for her starring role in Monster’s Ball. Ever since the night she won people’s hearts with her teary and historic Oscar acceptance speech, Berry has made one wrong turn after another whether making bad big budget comic book movies, all X-Men sequels or spinoffs, or bad low budget thrillers, Perfect Stranger, Gothika, The Call, or head-scratching, defiantly awful fare such as Movie 43, Cloud Atlas and Catwoman, Berry seemed bent on full career sabotage.

This brings us to Kidnap which by default, Things We Lost in the Fire wasn’t bad, may be the best movie Berry has made in well over a decade. The story of a mother attempting to retrieve her stolen child, Kidnap may be a super low budget, cheapie thriller, but Berry gives the role all she’s got, even if she is occasionally out shined by her magical car-chase minivan.

In Kidnap Berry portrays Karla Dyson, a waitress who somehow can afford a brand-new Ford minivan on a salary of tips and minimum wage. Karla is amid a divorce and a custody battle when she takes her son Frankie (Sage Correa) to a carnival at a local park. When her divorce attorney calls, Karla takes her eye off her son for a moment and doesn’t see him again until she spies a large woman wrestling the boy into a beat up old Mustang.

After attempting to wrestle the Mustang to a stop with her momma bear determination, Karla loads into her minivan to give chase and Kidnap becomes an almost non-stop car chase thriller. I will say this for director Luis Prieto, he keeps up a quick pace. Kidnap comes and goes in just over 80 minutes and there is very little fat on the narrative. The film’s camera work and editing can be a tad too chaotic but that’s likely a function of the setting, a New Orleans highway system, and the film’s very tight budget.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Dark Tower

The Dark Tower (2017) 

Directed by Nikolaj Arcel

Written by Akiva Goldsman, Jeff Pinkner, Anders Thomas Jensen, Nikolaj Arcel

Starring Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date August 4th, 2017 

To whomever said that Stephen King’s epic novel The Dark Tower was un-adaptable to the big screen, we owe you a Coke. The supremely silly movie sequel to King’s dense Dark Tower book series is an embarrassment to all involved from King to director Nicolaj Arcel to Academy Award winning star Matthew McConaughey and Academy Award nominated producer Ron Howard, who for some reason passed on directing The Dark Tower himself; golly, I can’t imagine why?

The work of the prolific Mr. King seems to resist adaptation in the same way a country might resist an invading army. Don’t misunderstand, some have managed to pull off the trick; Stanley Kubrick made The Shining, though Stephen King hated his adaptation; Frank Darabont did okay with The Green Mile but again, King hated that one as well and even The Shawshank Redemption wasn’t beloved by the creator even as audiences loved it. Of the 50 or so King properties made into television or feature films, only a handful have turned out watchable and The Dark Tower is not one of those movies.

Idris Elba is the star of The Dark Tower as Roland the Eld, a Gunslinger living on a Middle Earth where everything has been lost to some sort of apocalypse started by the evil Walter (Matthew McConaughey), a sorcerer(?) bent on destroying the Dark Tower which stands in the middle of a dozen or so galaxies and protects from the ultimate evil beyond the stars. Standing alongside Roland is teenager Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) whose visionary nightmares brought him to this middle earth, not the Lord of the Rings one, a Stephen King one, where he hopes to prevent the apocalypse on his version of Earth(?). (The movie is such a mess it's impossible to say whether Walter is a sorcerer or what Jake's motivations truly are, hence all the question marks.)

The Dark Tower was director by Nicolaj Arcel who seems entirely over-matched by this material. Arcel’s previous effort was the studious period piece A Royal Affair and it showed he could wrangle a sweet period piece romance but I am not sure what producer Ron Howard saw in that film that led them to believe Arcel could marshal the silliness of The Dark Tower into anything other than another abominable Stephen King adaptation.

Poor Matthew McConaughey takes it on the chin for the cast of The Dark Tower. While Taylor has youth as an excuse and while Elba can fall back on the cool Gunslinger persona, McConaughey is adrift as the ultimate evil, Walter. Sure, he’s also referred to as The Man in Black but even then, his costume includes a long coat with shoulder pads that make him look more 80s Dynasty diva than ultimate evil. Why they decided that the ultimate evil, worse than the Devil, Roland claims, should be called Walter is one of several bizarre decisions made by the creators of The Dark Tower. Sure, that could be something from King's book but even then, they could have written that part out of the movie considering how this is a follow-up to the books and not a straight adaptation.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media