Classic Movie Review One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Horror in the 90s Night of the Living Dead
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Directed by Tom Savini
Written by John A. Russo, George A. Romero
Starring Tony Todd, Patricia Tallman, McKee Anderson, Tom Towles
Release Date October 19th, 1990
Box Office Gross $5.8 million
The 1968 classic Night of the Living Dead is one of the greatest horror movies ever made. There was really no need for a remake. Any movie that tried to recapture the iconic qualities of the original was always doomed to failure. Naturally, the motivation to remake the George A. Romero classic was a shyster producer looking for a popular title that they could ring some cast out of. Enter Menaham Golan, half of the schlockmeister team of Golan and Globus, famous for awful sequels from Chuck Norris to Superman. It's doubtful that Golan ever even saw Romero's 1968 classic. All he wanted was the title and concept.
That Golan hired special effects master Tom Savini to direct the remake makes sense, Golan figured he could save on salaries for both director and special effects by hiring one guy. I know that sounds cynical, but that is the exact type of corner cutting that Golan made his fortune on in the 1980s. Night of the Living Dead was Savini's first effort as a director and thus he could be brought in cheap with the added bonus of providing special effects and makeup prowess to the proceedings.
The remake of Night of the Living Dead stars Patricia Tallman as Barbara. As she visits the grave or her late mother, along with her brother Johnny (Bill Mosely), Barbara is accosted by a strange lumbering man carrying the stench of death and a fearsome emptiness behind his. In the ensuing scuffle, Johnny is killed and Barbara goes on the run as another strange, lumbering, being emerges and reveals himself to having been recently autopsied.
Running away, a hysterical Barbara arrives at a farm house looking for shelter. Unfortunately, what she finds inside are more of the undead lumbering and lurching after her. Barbara is rescued by the arrival of Ben (Tony Todd), who has, at the very least, learned that taking these beings out with a head shot is the only way to stop them from trying to eat their victim. Together, Ben and Barbara dispatch a pair of the monstrous undead before finding out they aren't the only ones alive in this farm house.
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Movie Review God is a Bullet
God is a Bullet (2023)
Directed by Nick Cassavetes
Written by Nick Cassavetes
Starring Maika Monroe, Nikolaj Coster Waldau, January Jones, Jamie Foxx
Release Date June 23rd, 2023
Published June 22nd, 2023
God is a Bullet is an unrelentingly grim, gross, exercise in ugliness. Written and directed by Nick Cassavetes, directing with all of the artful subtlety of a sledgehammer, God is a Bullet pretends toward being a serious investigation of the horrors of human trafficking. In reality, God is a Bullet is an idiots notion of what a serious movie about a serious topic should look like. Imagine an Adam Sandler style director trying to make their version of Soderbergh's Traffic and you can get a sense of how ungodly stupid God is a Bullet truly is.
God is a Bullet stars Nikolaj Coster Waldau as Bob Hightower, a Police Officer somewhere in the United States. Though we are told by other characters that Bob is a desk jockey, and not a particularly good cop, Bob doesn't look like a guy who eats donuts all day. Indeed, one scene in the movie shows badass Bob gluing himself back together after a severe stab wound, showing off not only how stupid he is for not going to a hospital, but also washboard abs that your average gym rat would envy. Kind of defeats the purpose of saying he's an everyman when he's got the abs of your average professional wrestler.
Anyway, that's not an important point. God is a Bullet finds Bob having to track down a Satanic cult that has kidnapped his teenage daughter and murdered his ex-wife and her new husband. Bob is aided in his search by a former member of this Satanic Cult, Case Hardin (Maika Monroe), who narrowly escaped with her life before winding up at a rehab facility. Case agrees to help Bob find his daughter out of the guilt she feels for having helped kidnap other young girls like Bob's daughter.
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Movie Review The Man from Rome
The Man from Rome (2023)
Directed by Sergio Dow
Written by Adrian Bol, Beth Bollinger, Gretchen Cowan
Starring Richard Armitage, Amaia Salamanca, Paul Guilfoyle
Release Date June 29th, 2023
Published June 26th, 2023
I knew I was in for an unintentional laugh riot in The Man from Rome when the first scene featured a hacking of the Vatican. Now, I am sure the Vatican probably does have a modern infrastructure with a secure network and so on. They may even have a database that they would prefer not to have being hacked. That said, the scene is framed like every movie hacking scene ever. It's as if The Vatican morphs into FBI headquarters and Ethan Hunt's computer guy in Mission Impossible were tip tapping away to get into the FBI database. As staged, it's just so silly to see Vatican security trying to battle a hacker.
The hacker succeeds in getting through Vatican security via the power of movie level typing. What was the hacker doing? They were hacking the Pope's personal laptop. I love the idea of the Pope lying in bed late at night watching Netflix and he gets hacked. The film does show the Pope on his laptop in bed and the sight is wonderfully incongruous. Again, I'm sure The Pope is as modern as any other Boomer, but it doesn't stop the sight of him in bed with a laptop from breaking out into giggles at how it looks.
The hacker has some information about a business deal and a haunted church in Seville, Spain that is killing people. The hacker believes that someone in the Vatican is helping the business deal to destroy the church go through and they don't trust that anyone would get this information to The Pope so they have to hack the Vatican. For his part, The Pope, played by Franco Nero, is easily convinced that something strange is afoot. He immediately assigns a top Vatican investigator to the case, Father Quart (Richard Armitage).
In another example of how delightfully, unintentionally silly The Man from Rome is, Father Quart arrives in Seville and has a deeply awkward and stilted conversation with a local detective. The detective, in explaining to us just how good Father Quart is as an investigator, says "If you ever decide to turn in that collar for a badge and a gun, you know where to find me." In this universe, Vatican higher ups are just like cops. The cop movie tropes don't stop there as the rest of the movie plays out like a modern cop movie investigation with guns and murder attempts and duplicitous, corrupt businessmen.
The Vatican being portrayed like a Police Precinct in an 80s cop movie is perhaps the most unexpected trend of 2023. The thriller, The Pope's Exorcist, starring Russell Crowe, had the same vibe, right down to Crowe's priest nearly being asked to turn in his holy water and collar over his above the law approach to exorcism. And, in a strange coincidence that could mean these movies exist in the same weird universe, The Pope in The Pope' Exorcist and in The Man from Rome are played by the same actor, Italian legend Franco Nero.
Nero is the seen it all, I'm too old for this s### Pope of your cop movie dreams. He never gets the chance to demand that Richard Armitage turn in his badge and gun, but in The Pope's Exorcist, he does act as Russell Crowe's man in the chair, sending him vital information for his case exactly when he needs it. The Pope in The Man from Rome is mostly just there to kick things into gear and then take a back seat for the rest of the less than thrilling action.
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Horror in the 90s Tremors
Tremors (1990)
Directed by Ron Underwood
Written by Ron Underwood, S.S Wilson
Starring Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Michael Gross, Reba McEntire, Finn Carter
Release Date January 19th, 1990
Box Office Gross $16.9 million
Somehow, I had managed to convince myself that I didn't like the movie Tremors. I don't know where this opinion came from as I am not sure I had actually watched the movie until now. I have little memory of seeing it before seeing it for this project and quite enjoying it. Indeed, I really had a great time watching Tremors. Why I thought I had disliked it is a mystery to me. It's my own personal Mandela Effect, my mind was convinced that I had disliked the movie when reality was that I had not seen Tremors before.
That's about as deep as I can be in a review of a movie with such shallow pleasures as Tremors. That might sound insulting, but it's not intended that way. Tremors is quite shallow but that's not a bad thing. Instead of going for anything of substance, Tremors is about shocks and thrills, a gross monster and plenty of gross jokes as well. The movie is intentionally dumb with dopey characters getting by on their wits and dumb luck as they battle one of the most inventive movie monsters in quite many years.
Tremors stars Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as Val and Earl, Nevada rednecks working every part time job in their tiny, tiny community. Indeed, Perfection, Nevada has all of 14 residents. That is until residents start to get sucked into the ground and eaten by giant, poop brown slugs with snakes for tongues. It takes a little while to get going but once Val and Earl find out about the giant monsters, the movie takes on a much faster pace and cleverly pays homage to drive-in monsters of the past.
That's the true heart of Tremors, an old school monster movie. Elements of The Blob, The Killer Shrews, Night of the Lepus, Shriek of the Mutilated and so on. Tremors isn't as much of a blood and guts horror movie as those films, the kills are relatively tame by the standards of some of the great 60s drive-in movies, but the homage is still quite clear. In the heart of Tremors, this is a movie you half watch while making out in a car, in a field, with a tinny speaker in the window and a sea of fellow cars stuffed with friends.
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Movie Review No Hard Feelings
No Hard Feelings (2023)
Directed by Gene Stupnitsky
Written by Gene Stupnitsky
Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Andrew Barth Feldman, Natalie Morales, Matthew Broderick
Release Date June 23rd, 2023
Published June 23rd, 2023
No Hard Feelings is absolutely hysterical. Starring Jennifer Lawrence as a struggling Uber driver trying to save her home after losing her car to an asset seizure, the film takes raunchy comedy on a ride that never stops being hilariously funny. As Maddie Barker, Lawrence finds herself in danger of losing her home unless she can find a way to get a new car fast. That's when serendipity strikes. A bizarre post online offers hope in a very unexpected way. A rich family is offering an older but still good looking mid-sized Sedan for a strange but reasonable price.
What makes it strange? The price is dating the family's teenage son, Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman). And by date, Percy's parents, Laird (Matthew Broderick) and Allison (Laura Benanti), mean having sex with him. Helicopter parents to the extreme. As Laird explains, he had an experience when he was Percy's age that changed his life, brought him out of his shell, and led him to become rich, successful, and now happily married. He hopes that his son having a similar experience, even if it is paid for, will have the same effect on him.
If this premise is a problem for you, then this movie is not for you. No Hard Feelings is uncompromising in the opinion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with Maddie trading sex for a vehicle. She's a grown woman who is in charge of her body and her decisions and she has no problem doing what she needs to do to save her childhood home. We live in a deeply screwed up version of capitalism that leads to this type of situation, one in which the poor have to fight for the scraps of the very, very rich by any means necessary, but this movie isn't about that, at least not directly.
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Classic Movie Review Sleepless in Seattle
Sleepless in Seattle (2023)
Directed by Nora Ephron
Written by Nora Ephron, David S. Ward, Jeff Arch
Starring Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Rita Wilson, Victor Garber, Rosie O'Donnell, Bill Pullman
Release Date June 25th, 1993
Published June 26th, 2023
Losing my mother in 2013 was the hardest thing that I have ever endured. My mom was awesome. She worked three retail jobs, 80 to 90 hours per week, when I was a kid, just to make sure that myself and my sister had food and a good home. All that time, she remained unsinkable in her spirit and love. She was a human teddy bear, soft and comforting. Her worst quality was that when someone she loved was suffering, she would make that suffering her own, as if she could take our pain away by making it her pain. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had a mom who was so loving and empathetic.
My mom fostered my love of movies. I have a distinct memory from my childhood of my mother swooning over Cary Grant. I'd make fun of her for her reaction to Cary Grant movies and she would lean into it by talking about how handsome and charming he was in effusive terms. I can recall the first time I saw my mom cry was the day she was supposed to go see Cary Grant's one man show in Davenport, Iowa. That show never happened as Grant died the night before the show was to take place. My mom showed me that para-social relationships with celebrity weren't a bad thing, they were a human thing.
The movie Sleepless in Seattle, which features prominent references to Cary Grant, became a favorite movie for my mom. She would watch it any chance she got. She didn't love Tom Hanks as she did Cary Grant, but her heart leapt seeing him fall for Meg Ryan at the last minute. She felt the same rush of emotion every time she watched the movie, even as she'd seen it a dozen times and was fully aware that the happy ending was coming. She always got teary when Meg Ryan took Tom Hanks' hand at the end of the movie. It showed me that being emotional about movies was not just okay, but something that just happens when you witness something beautiful.
Sleepless in Seattle is a beautiful film. It's a celebration of magical romance and believing in something beyond yourself, the notion of fate. The characters of Sam Baldwin and Annie Reed were fated to be together. The universe conspires to unite them. Through the audacity and resolute stubbornness of Sam's son, Jonah, and the good luck that he has a best friend, played by Gaby Hoffman, whose parents are travel agents, Sam and Annie are brought dramatically together on the most romantic day of the year in one of the most romantic spots on the planet.
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Movie Review Megalopolis
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