Movie Review Lemony Snicket's As Series of Unfortunate Events

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004) 

Directed by Brad Silberling 

Written by Robert Gordon 

Starring Jim Carrey, Jude Law, Liam Aiken, Emily Browning, Timothy Spall, Catherine O'Hara, Meryl Streep

Release Date December 17th, 2004 

I am unfamiliar with the books of the Lemony Snicket series written by Daniel Handler. I can however appreciate the wit and nerve it must take to write on the book jacket that your story is very dark and depressing and recommend that readers find something more pleasant to read. Like any one of a curious nature, when someone tells me not to do something I’m even more intrigued to try it.

It is with that same sense that I went into the film version of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, which used a similar campaign as the book to entice people into theaters. Simply tell people not to come, and why, and they will come in droves. Unfortunately those appealingly off-putting ads are more prescient than expected. Lemony Snicket is, as they tell you, dark and disturbing and maybe you should take the advice and find another movie.

This is the story of the Beaudelaire children, or rather the Beaudelaire orphans after their parents perish in a fire. Violet (Emily Browning) is the oldest, an inventor with a keen sense of danger. Her younger brother is Klaus (Liam Aiken), an inquisitive child who reads voraciously and retains every piece of information. And finally, their younger sister two year old Sunny (Kara & Shelby Hoffman) who’s preternaturally smart, she has her own language, and loves to bite things. Anything at all.

After being informed of their parents death the children are taken by their court appointed lawyer Mr. Poe to their closest living relative Count Olaf. By closest living relative, Mr. Poe means that he lives only four blocks away which is a hint of the cluelessness to come. Count Olaf (Jim Carrey) is a failed actor living in a rundown mansion that is the sort of place your dared to visit on Halloween.

Violet, ever the inquisitor, immediately senses that Olaf is not taking the children in out of the kindness of his heart. Indeed he even tells them that he has his eye on the fortune they are to inherit. As soon as Olaf takes on legal custody of the children he plans to murder them and run off with the inheritance money.

The story is narrated by the shadowed visage of Lemony Snicket (Jude Law). Glimpsed only in silhouette, Lemony Snicket tells this tale with wit and misdirection. As he says, and the title well states, this is a story of a series of unfortunate events that befall these plucky kids. They must outwit the murderous count and weather a series of wacky parental stand ins that include Billy Connelly and Meryl Streep.

This is not a bad story but as it is presented by Director Brad Silberling it’s disturbing and highly off putting. This is supposed to be a family movie yet we see murders, blatant child abuse, and a Jim Carrey performance that hits more wrong notes than The Cable Guy.

Just because your narrator states in the opening scenes that your movie is unpleasant and recommends that you go see another film while still can does not give you an excuse to make a film as unpleasant and disturbing as this movie is. Maybe a familiarity with the book somehow makes the themes of murder and abuse palatable but as presented here they make me question how a major children’s entertainment company like Nickelodeon Pictures became involved with it.

As in movies like this the children are geniuses the adults are all clueless dolts. Even the great Meryl Streep can’t escape this hackneyed trope, she plays a shrill agoraphobic who inherits the children and must protect them from Olaf. Sadly, and, of course, she’s so clueless that when Olaf arrives in a terrible costume she falls for him. Other clueless adults include Cedric The Entertainer as a clueless cop and Catherine O’Hara as a clueless Judge.

What is good about the film is the set design and cinematography that evokes the best work of Tim Burton and the silent era gothic films. Emmanuel Lubezki handles the Cinematography and delivers Oscar quality visuals. Set Designer Rick Heinrichs is also award worthy especially for his work on Streep’s lake adjacent home on the side of a cliff.

Director Brad Silberling crafts the work of his cinematographer and set designer quite well but could have done a better job reigning in his clowning preening star who does not steal scenes as much as he invades them with a sickening presence. Carrey’s attempts at improv humor are a counter point to his character's malevolent nature and just do not work. I find that a murderer, especially one in a KIDS movie, had better be darn funny to make me laugh otherwise it’s just creepy and out of place.

The only funny moments in the movie go to the baby who speaks in gibberish but has cute funny subtitles. The rest of the film is like an attempt to glom on to the Harry Potter formula but without the magic and without the intelligent appealing and benevolent characters.

For fans of the books, maybe you can find something to like. For fans of technical filmmaking absolutely. But for general family audiences where this film is targeted I suggest you take the films advice and see what’s playing in theater 2.

Movie Review Flight of the Phoenix

Flight of the Phoenix (2004) 

Directed by John Moore 

Written by Scott Frank, Edward Burns 

Starring Dennis Quaid, Giovanni Ribisi, Tyrese, Miranda Otto, Hugh Laurie 

Release Date December 17th, 2004 

I must admit that I was rather intrigued by the ad campaign for Flight of The Phoenix. First Fox boldly bumped the film up into the competitive holiday market and then they launched a saturation ad campaign that made the film seem like a major release. Finally it promised a twist ending, something that really caught my attention because of the seemingly perfunctory plot, just what possible twist could they give something so seemingly conventional. My curiosity was not rewarded.

Fly boy Frank Townes (Dennis Quaid) has a reputation that flies with him wherever he goes. With his Co-Pilot A.J (Tyrese Gibson), Frank is known as ‘Shut’em down Townes’. When he shows up at an oil rig work site in the middle of the Gobi Desert in Mongolia the leader of the crew, Kelly played by Miranda Otto, knows he is there to deliver pink slips and shut’em down.

 

Kelly’s United Nations crew, black guy, Mexican guy, Irish guy, are your typical modern day disaster movie crew (If you were on a plane with this group you would know something bad was gonna happen). They bicker and drink and fight and fiercely defend one another to the officious British executive (Hugh Laurie) who just happened to be visiting when Frank arrived.

All of these people and their far more valuable equipment are herded onto Frank’s cargo plane when one last straggler arrives. Elliott (Giovanni Ribisi) is a weirdo who just showed up one day in the middle of the desert and is now being evacuated with the crew. What do you bet that this nerdy, blonde dyed, little man will have an important role to play later on.

Frank is desperate to dump his cargo and the valuable equipment, so desperate that he tries to fly over a sandstorm and ends up crashing his plane. Two of the nameless crewmembers die and like that extra crew member that beams down to the alien planet with Kirk, Spock and Bones the remaining oil riggers line up for their dead guy red jerseys.

Trapped in the desert with maybe a months worth of food and water the crew must figure a way to survive and nerdy Elliott has an idea. Take what is left of the old plane and use it to build a new one. Because the plot requires it, Frank is against the idea until a pair of inspiring speeches, one by Kelly and one by a placeholder character, the guy who just wants to get home to his wife and kid. Since he is showing off his picture of his wife and kids you might spend a large portion of the film waiting for him to be killed as cliché demands, I will leave the mystery.

If your name is not Dennis Quaid or Giovanni Ribisi and your not playing the love interest or best friend your chances of surviving either the elements or the stock terrorists who show up to try and ratchet up the suspense are slim. 

After 2001’s “Behind Enemy Lines” Director John Moore looks like the perfect Director for Flight Of The Phoenix. Both films are simply scripts transferred to film with as little else getting in the way as possible. Moore is a technician, a conduit through which a marketing campaign is launched. His rare moments of inspiration beyond the script, like the awful film score and Giovanni Ribisi’s alien performance, are the films biggest disasters.

For his part Dennis Quaid is… Dennis Quaid. He is a pro even when saddled with a script that casts him in both an action movie and something that resembles a fifties screwball romance. Quaid and Miranda Otto will of course fall in love because the first scene they share they argue and they pretend to hate each other. It does not take a rocket scientist to see where this is going.

Movie Review Bad Behaviour

Bad Behaviour (2024) 

Directed by Alice Englert

Written by Alice Englert 

Starring Jennifer Connelly, Alice Englert, Ben Whishaw 

Release Date June 14th, 2024 

Published June 7th, 2024 

Bad Behaviour stars Jennifer Connelly as Lucy, a former child star struggling with anger and abandonment issues. As we meet Lucy, she's driving and listening to a recording of a guru in an attempt to get over her anger issues. As she's driving and listening, she's also experiencing road rage and lashing out. The irony is intentional. During the drive, she calls her daughter, Dylan (Alice Englert) who is in New Zealand where she works as a stunt actor. Mother and daughter's fraught relationship can be picked up immediately but the fact that the call drops mid-conversation and neither tries to reconnect is a strong indication of the state of their relationship. 

Lucy's guru is Elon (Ben Whishaw) a man who claims to have found enlightenment and is prepared to teach that enlightenment to others. Four the next three days, Lucy will navigate through a period of imposed silence, no wi-fi, and a series of workshops aimed at getting in touch with various traumas and anxieties that lead to issues of anger and prevent people from reaching an enlightened state. One of Elon's biggest catchphrases is 'Never Give in to Hope.' If that sounds like a bizarre catchphrase, you're right, it is. But, the movie does attempt to explain this angry non-sequitur. Instead of hoping to get better, Elon suggests you simply be what you hope, thus making hope unnecessary. 

Writer-Director Alice Englert's approach to the touchy-feely world of self-help gurus and enlightenment experts is to take them seriously. It would be very easy to turn the guru and the people attending his retreat as a joke. Englert instead, engages with the self-help stuff and leaves it entirely up to you if you want to make fun of it. As for Lucy, she wants the retreat to work. She wants to be better but everything in her mind prevents her from giving in and giving herself over to the experience of the retreat. Lucy's fears and anxieties about aging then get a kick in the pants when a young model, Beverly (Dasha Nekrasova) arrives late to the retreat and becomes the star of the event, it's most outstanding student. 

 Read my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal 

Movie Review Reverse the Curse

Reverse the Curse (2024) 

Directed by David Duchovny

Written by David Duchovny 

Starring Stephanie Beatriz, Pamela Adlon, Logan Marshall Green, David Duchovny, Jason Beghe

Release Date June 14th, 2024 

Published June 13th, 2024 

Reverse the Curse stars Logan Marshall Green as Ted, a failing writer. It's 1978 and Ted is working as a peanut vendor at Yankee Stadium for little pay and less respect. He wants to write the great American novel but, he's told by a publisher, played by Pamela Adlon, that his story doesn't have a plot and that he lacks life experience to draw from. She advises him to go commit a crime, get f##### in the a## prison, and come back when he has a story to tell.

That this line of thinking comes from the mouth of Pamela Adlon, a skilled wordsmith when it comes to the profane, is the only reason this dialogue works. My point will be proven in the rest of the movie where profanity appears and is poorly used. Being profane is a skill and Adlon is a skilled proprietor. The rest of the cast of Reverse the Curse lacks her talent for the irreverent and filthy. They are amateurs compared to Adlon who could give sailors and truck drivers a good talking too.

l.Read my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Movie Review Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four (2015) 

Directed by Josh Trank

Written by Josh Trank, Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater

Starring Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell

Release Date August 7th, 2015 

Fantastic 4 is far from fantastic. (Yes, I know how cheesy that line is) This attempt to reboot the franchise following the disaster that was The Silver Surfer, assembled a terrific cast, a rising young director and arguably Hollywood's hottest screenwriter and somehow managed to make a movie that disappoints every audience, fanboys and casual moviegoers. This is a dull-witted origin story that fails that while successfully explaining the origins of the supposed heroes, waits until the final 10 minutes of the movie to make them heroic.

In many ways I feel bad for the team behind the new Fantastic Four. Director Josh Trank has stepped out and actually trashed the movie as it was being released. Trank claims that this isn't the movie that he made and that the movie he made was pretty good as opposed to the movie that we are getting in theaters this weekend. Trank's version of Fantastic Four is a movie we will never get to see. Indeed, Trank isn't wrong, this isn't a very good movie. That said, I wish there had been a slightly more diplomatic approach. 

It's a shame that this has gone the way it has because this Fantastic Four movie features some of the best actors of young Hollywood. The film stars Miles Teller as Reed Richards, Jamie Bell as his best friend Ben Grimm, Kate Mara as Reed's future wife, Sue Storm and the brilliant Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm, Sue's adopted brother. The film follows Reed as he and Ben invent a prototype for a matter transporter. The successful invention leads to them being recruited by Franklin Storm, the father of Johnny and Sue, and the head of a scientific firm. 

What Reed and Ben don't know about their invention is that it is actually a portal to a parallel dimension. When they find out they are disappointed to learn that Franklin intends to send a group of NASA astronauts into this dimension rather than allowing Ben and Reed the chance to go themselves. Being hotshot kids, they recruit Sue and Johnny along with another friend and scientist, named Victor (Toby Kebbell) to join them as they sneak into the lab and make use of their invention. 

The trip goes horribly wrong and results in all five of the young scientists to be mutated. Reed becomes elastic, his body able to stretch to a remarkable degree. Sue becomes invisible, capable of appearing and disappearing at will. Johnny takes on the ability to become fire. He can fly and throw fireballs and it's as cool as it sounds except that he can't yet control his abilities. Poor Ben gets the worst of it all. Ben has been turned to stone. He can still move and breathe, and speak, but he's covered in rock. It does give him superhuman strength but at the expense of his basic humanity. 

The plot then becomes about Reed's guilt over seemingly dooming himself and his closest friends to a life of mutations that they cannot control. After making it back from the other dimension, losing Victor in the process, Reed manages to escape from a military holding facility and runs off to South America. Located a year later, he's taken into custody by Ben who is seemingly Reed's sworn enemy. Sue and Johnny also aid in Reed's capture having had suits developed for them that enable them to control their powers. 

A return to the parallel dimension reveals that Victor not only survived, but he's also built himself a kingdom. His return to this dimension finds him looking to destroy the Earth as he sees it as a threat to his new home. Thus begins an all-out war between the newly teamed Fantastic Four and Victor on Victor's turf as he launches an all-out assault to destroy the planet. And all of it is shot with a muddy, gross, dark aesthetic that renders the action unpleasant to look at. It's also tonally all over the place as the team isn't fully established as a team and only starts to develop chemistry just as the movie is ending. 

Fantastic Four is a gigantic mess and whether that is the fault of a meddling studio or an insecure director deflecting blame is something we can't know for sure. What we can know for sure is the movie makes little sense, appears to have been cobbled together from disparate pieces and is a general embarrassment for all involved. Poor Kate Mara is perhaps taking the brunt of the bad press as the reshoots and her abhorrent wig have become emblematic of the many, many problems plaguing this doomed adaptation. 

But she's not alone, no one gets out of Fantast Four (2015) unscathed. For poor Miles Teller this was a first shot at super-stardom and it has fallen completely to pieces. For Jamie Bell, the chance to have a regular big paycheck from a popular franchise is lost, though being so thoroughly talented and easily employable on the indie film scene is likely a strong comfort for him. As for Michael B. Jordan, he'll probably be fine. Chris Evans survived a disastrous turn as Johnny Storm in this relatively young century, I'm sure Jordan will as well. 

As for director Josh Trank, none of this reflects well on him. While he valiantly proclaims himself the victim and the artist, he's also coming off as petulant, ungrateful, egotistical. He will likely be a hero in parts of the online world for his supposed integrity but that is unlikely to translate into regular work as a director, especially within a studio system eager to weed out the rebels and troublemakers. Having so openly made enemies while making a major franchise film, it seems unlikely we will see him back behind the camera any time soon. 

This review is becoming an autopsy so I will leave it here. This isn't a very good movie. I feel bad for all involved. 

Classic Movie Review Renaissance Man

Renaissance Man (1994) 

Directed by Penny Marshall 

Written by Jim Burnstein 

Starring Danny Devito, Mark Wahlberg, Gregory Hines, James Remar, Cliff Robertson

Release Date June 3rd, 1994

Published June 5th, 2024 

When I described what the movie Renaissance Man was about to my co-hosts on the I Hate Critics 1994 Podcast, they refused to believe that I was telling the truth. They refused to believe that Danny Devito plays an advertising executive who becomes a teacher on a military base and saves a group of at-risk soldiers by teaching them Shakespeare via hip hop. Reading back my description, I can understand the incredulous responses of my co-hosts. Reading back my own description, I can't really believe that the movie Renaissance Man exists. I also cannot believe that a movie this hackneyed and mawkish was directed by someone as talented as Penny Marshall. In fact, I choose to believe this was directed by her hack brother Garry as this is exactly the kind of tripe he always directed. 

Indeed, Renaissance Man stars Danny Devito as Bill Rago, a raging jerk of an ad-man who gets himself quite reasonably fired from his job for showing up late and generally bungling a big client meeting through his selfish, self-serving, arrogant, narcissism. Pro-Tip for screenwriters, how you introduce your main character is important, if you don't intend for us to hate your main character, come up with a way to introduce him that doesn't make us automatically loathe his presence. The fact this is Danny Devito and I cannot stand this character, says a lot. Devito is a beloved actor and seeing him in a lead role in a comedy should be welcoming. It's most assuredly not welcoming in Renaissance Man. 

Out of a job, Bill goes to the unemployment office were we get our third exposition dump in the first 15 minutes of this dreadful movie. Jennifer Lewis, a wonderful character actor, lays out the plot for us, does a bit of needless business that someone making this movie thought was funny, and then sends Bill on to the actual plot of the film. The unemployment office has found Bill a job on a military base. Since he has a masters degree, Bill will be teaching Basic Comprehension to a group of soldiers on the brink of being kicked out of the Army. 

The ragtag crew includes bumpkins and poor people of varying ethnicity. They bicker and bully and have no interest in saving their military careers until Bill decides to teach them Shakespeare. Apparently, learning and reciting Hamlet is somehow enough for these soldier to stay in the military after being on the brink of being kicked out? Who knows, this movie is so thoroughly idiotic that these soldiers could have watched a newsreel about venereal diseases and as long as they actually showed up, they would have been safe. So why does Bill even need to be here? Truly? The final exam for this 'Basic Comprehension' course that Bill randomly turns into a class on Shakespeare, is OPTIONAL. They don't have to take the final exam and they get to stay in the Army. What even is this movie? 

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Movie Review In a Violent Nature

In a Violent Nature (2024) 

Directed by Chris Nash

Written by Chris Nash 

Starring Ry Barrett, Andrea Pavlovic, Cameron Love, Reese Presley 

Release Date May 31st, 2024 

Published May 30th, 2024

In a Violent Nature is a bit hard to describe. It's brutal horror slasher movie with some stomach-churning scenes of violence. A masked killer stalks the woods and kills campers or anyone else who gets in his way. It all sounds like a rip off of Friday the 13th. Indeed, In a Violent Nature is inspired by that legendary horror franchise, but this no mere Jason movie. Director Chris Nash has made a horror slasher at a lake that takes the tropey premise and used it as a vehicle for testing his filmmaking skills. 

The opening scene of In a Violent Nature reveals the style and patience of writer and director Chris Nash. The camera falls on a decrepit structure in the woods. There is no music score, just the sound of nature and a pair of male voices. The two men are arguing over something they've seen hanging from a broken piece of the structure. It's a gold locket. One of the unseen men says that the locket is there for a reason and that they should leave it be. The other argues in favor of taking it. After the first man leaves, the second man makes his move and steals the locket. 

This is a terrific piece of filmmaking and writing. It creates an expectation surrounding an object, a locket. The locket will become our McGuffin, the thing that is desired by our characters and essential to our lead actor. Meanwhile, the expectations of the horror genre are that this locket belongs to a backwoods, hillbilly, serial killer. We assume that he will soon return to this decrepit structure, see that his gold locket is missing and go on a killing spree and we're mostly right. But where we are wrong is a great piece of visual subversion. 

Here, director Nash cuts to a shot looking down at what we thought was a broken tree or perhaps a piece of this structure having fallen off and struck in the ground. What it actually is, is a piece of pipe with a hole in the top. Underneath the pole is a grave and from this grave emerges our killer. It's an incredible and disturbing reveal that upends our expectations, grabs our attention and kick starts the rest of the movie, the search and destroy mission to recover that gold locket and kill anyone who gets in the way. This is done in less than three minutes of screentime without us having seen the killer's face or any of his soon to be victims. 

Now, you might assume that In a Violent Nature will move in a more conventional and familiar direction, but no. The movie instead stays with our killer and patiently and methodically follows him as he stalks through the forest. The beauty and bounty of the verdant and vibrant forest is juxtaposed by our bloody, nasty, ugly killer and by the poor animals caught in traps surrounding the forest, carcasses left to rot in the sun. If our killer has an opinion about this, we won't ever know for sure. What we do know is that the traps will lead him to his next victim. All the while, the movie patiently and silently stays by the side of the killer. 

Find my full length review in the Horror Community on Vocal.Find my full length review in the Horror Community on Vocal.