Movie Review: Ad Astra

Ad Astra (2019)

Directed by James Grey

Written by James Grey, Ethan Gross

Starring Brad Pitt, Donald Sutherland, Ruth Negga, Tommy Lee Jones, Liv Tyler 

Release Date September 20th, 2019 

Published September 19th, 2019

Ad Astra stars Brad Pitt as astronaut Roy McBride. We meet Roy as he is working on what appears to be the International Space Station or some approximation of such. The station is just above the atmosphere of the Earth, something that becomes urgently important when the station is struck by some sort of energy surge. As the station begins to explode, Roy is sent hurtling back to the Earth. 

By some miracle, Roy survives and upon his rather brief recuperation, he is brought into a secretive meeting of military brass. The men in this meeting inform Roy about a secret mission involving Roy’s father, Dr Clifford McBride, that sent him to what was believed to be his death on a space station near Neptune, the farthest that man has ever travelled in space. Roy was told that his father had died but here, he is told that his father may be alive and his survival is related to these energy surges that now endanger all of mankind. 

The military men want Roy to leave everything behind and travel to Mars where he will, via an American-Martian outpost, be able to send his father a message that they hope will help to stop these energy surges. It’s a lengthy journey and there are many things about his father and his mission that Roy is not yet aware of. One man who does know is Col Thomas Pruitt (Donald Sutherland). Despite his advanced age, Pruitt is to escort Roy on his mission and carry with him a secretive agenda. 

To say much more about the plot of Ad Astra would be to give away too much of this exceptional story. Directed and co-written by James Gray, the underrated auteur behind the brilliant Lost City of Z and The Immigrant, Ad Astra continues a remarkable hot streak for the director. Gray is a director who chooses challenging subjects and attacks them from unique angles. It’s been a hallmark of his work and it continues with the unusual journey of Ad Astra. 

Ad Astra carries influences as varied and fascinating as Apocalypse Now and 2001 A Space Odyssey. Ad Astra lacks the bold un-commerciality of 2001, but for being more straight-forward than 2001, it retains some of the artistic touches of Kubrick’s legendary adventure including a colorful visual palette, a deliberate pace, and a deep respect for space travel. I know that making such a comparison is big but aside from being a good deal more mainstream in ambition, the 2001 comparison is reasonable in terms of the remarkable artistry and care on display. 

The Apocalypse Now comparison is far more typical as Marlon Brando delivered the definitive crazed man of authority in that Francis Ford Coppola masterwork. Tommy Lee Jones in Ad Astra however, earns that comparison. Jones is electric in the role of Brad Pitt’s father, a driven and desperate man on a mission. Jones has been great in any number of roles but I dare say this role exceeds even his greatest work in No Country for Old Men and his Academy Award winning performance in The Fugitive. 

Yes, you can infer that issues of fathers and sons permeate the story of Ad Astra. The issues of loyalty, duty, love and resentment are sewn into this story. These issues underline the action throughout and bring depth and a compelling emotionality to a movie that from time to time can feel as remote as the space wherein it exists. Brad Pitt and Tommy Lee Jones have a tremendous chemistry but it’s the ways in which writer-director James Gray weaves them together when they aren’t on screen together that make Ad Astra so remarkably compelling. 

Ad Astra is one of my favorite movies of 2019. The film ranks next to another ingenious and brilliantly artistic Brad Pitt movie, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood as one of the best in an underrated 2019 at the movies. Brad Pitt went away for a little while, if you follow the tabloids you know he had some issues to overcome, and the time away from the spotlight has sharpened his gifts and helped to hone his eye for movies with great moments. 

Ad Astra is filled with incredible moments that culminate in a final act that is one of my favorites of the year. The final act of Ad Astra is exciting, unexpected and filled with dramatic energy. It’s a perfect ending for a strange often off-kilter movie with a very unique energy and suspense. I adore the third act of Ad Astra and would put it up against the third act of any movie of the last decade or indeed the movies I have compared it to already in this review. 

I am perhaps heaping too much praise on Ad Astra. I am risking hyping the movie to a degree that it may not be able to achieve for you, those who’ve not yet seen it. So be it, I think Ad Astra is deserving of my over-praise. The movie is exceptional and a must-see.

Movie Review: Troy

Troy (2004) 

Directed by Wolfgang Peterson

Written by David Benioff

Starring Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Diane Kruger, Brian Cox, Sean Bean, Peter O'Toole

Release Date May 14th, 2004

Published May 13th, 2004 

In this day and age, when you say Homer everyone thinks Simpson. It wasn't always that way. Years ago, colleges turned out erudite intellectuals who quoted the great poet Homer from "The Iliad" or "The Odyssey.” Maybe those people still exist but today more people can quote Homer Simpson than Homer the poet and the new Wolfgang Peterson epic Troy is not likely to change that. This bombastic, outsized blockbuster has the appeal of Brad Pitt and the scope of an age old epic but it lacks the soul of the poet who's work it attempts to revive.

Brad Pitt stars as Achilles, the greatest warrior in history. Though Achilles claims to have no allegiances, he fights for the money of King Agamemnon (Brian Cox). With Achilles’ sword, Agamemnon has conquered several kingdoms and his reach dominates the Greek kingdoms surrounding the Aegean Sea. Save for that of King Priam of Sparta (Peter O'Toole).

It seems that Sparta is unattainable even for someone as powerful as Agamemnon. Even the great king's brother Menelaus (Brendon Gleeson) has acceded that Sparta can't be taken, even going so far as to broker peace with King Priam's sons Hector (Eric Bana) and Paris (Orlando Bloom). The peace accord however is short lived when Paris takes a liking to Menelaus' wife Helen (Diane Kruger) and spirits her away to Sparta.

This development finally gives Agamemnon all the reason he needed to sack the last kingdom that stands in the way of his dominance. However, to take Sparta, a grand feat given Sparta's legendary impregnable walls, Agamemnon must once again call on Achilles to lead his armies. Achilles does not want to fight for Agamemnon no matter what the offer but does finally agree after a visit from his good friend Odysseus (Sean Bean) who promises something more valuable than riches, eternal glory.

That is the setup for massive CGI battles and a great deal of melodramatic speechifying. In all of the film’s nearly three-hour length there are pieces of three different full length movies edited together into Troy and only one of them would be any good. That is the story of Achilles who in the person of Brad Pitt is a charismatic and dangerous presence. Pitt's Achilles is powerful but conflicted and that makes him inherently dramatic. A film about Achilles would be terrific.

The story of Helen and Paris also has the potential as a stand-alone story. The story has love, passion and a great deal of drama. Cut up as it is here to make room for two other parallel stories, it loses impact. Helen is the reason that Sparta is about to be overrun in the greatest war of all time, therefore her importance to Paris needs more time to develop. Why would Paris risk his family and in fact an entire kingdom for her? We never really know. As it is in Troy, the love story comes off as the selfish petulance of a childish boy and his desperate crush.

The final story is the most poorly developed and that is the story of Eric Bana's Hector. It's not the fault of Bana who is a strong presence, nearly the equal of Pitt. Nearly. Hector's story is far more dramatic than what we see here. His conflicts with his father King Priam are given short shrift and Hector's only character traits are heroism. Hector is hardly ever conflicted, he has no great story arc. He begins as a hero and continues through the film as a hero beyond reproach.

In adapting Homer's epic poem, screenwriter David Benioff had to make a number of dramatic sacrifices including some I already mentioned and one that may be the most troublesome sacrifice of the film. In The Iliad, the Gods of Mount Olympus gave the conflict it's context, they provided motivation beyond the grandiose, nation chest-bumping that Agamemnon uses as motivation here. The meddling God's protected Achilles and gave his dramatic ending a bigger payoff.

There are two reasons for the excising of the God's from Troy. First, there just wasn't enough time to fit them in. The film is just too long to add any more characters, especially characters as outsized as the Gods. Secondly, and don't underestimate this one because this may be the real reason, the bad memories of Sir Laurence Olivier's screen chewing menace in Clash Of The Titans. Love or hate Clash, there is no denying the cheeseball nature of all of the scenes involving the Gods.

Director Wolfgang Peterson is a technician as a director. As his budgets have grown his love of technological filmmaking has overcome his sense of story and character. I say that as a criticism but I must also state that as a technician he is a terrific director. Technology however is not what is most appealing about a film. As George Lucas has shown, you can have all of the technology in the world and still not make a movie that engages. Dazzle the eye all day but if you can't reach the heart or mind, you have no movie. Brad Pitt engages both with his tremendous performance but little else in Troy rises to his level. 

Movie Review Inglorious Basterds

Inglorious Basterds (2009) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Til Schweiger, Diane Kruger, Melanie Laurent, Michael Fassbender

Release Date August 21st, 2009 

Published August 20th, 2009 

Quentin Tarentino is now 5 for 5 in making masterpieces. The writer-director has nailed it out of the park with each movie he has made and his latest, Inglorious Basterds, is arguably his best work yet. Wildly violent, irreverent and strangely humorous, Inglorious Basterds reimagines World War 2 history with the kind of blood and guts guile that only Tarentino could muster.

Inglourious Basterds tells a story on two tracks. In one story a Jewish woman, Shoshanna (Melanie Laurent), escapes the murder of her family and seeks vengeance on the Nazis. In the other story a group of American Jewish soldiers are dropped behind enemy lines in Nazi controlled Paris under orders to kill and maim as many Nazi soldiers as they can. Boy, do they ever.

The Basterds, as they call themselves, are a bloodthirsty lot. Led by Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) the Basterds seek scalps, literally they scalp Nazis. Raine came to be known as 'the apache'. Another member of the Bastards becomes the fearful 'Bear Jew'. He's played by horror director Eli Roth who brings the same vicious streak demonstrated in his Hostel film series to a role that has him beating Nazis to death with a baseball bat. I have always suspected that Roth enjoyed his brutality, Inglorious Basterds provides the visual evidence.

Another of the Bastards is too brutal for a nickname. He is Stiglitz (Til Schweiger) a former German soldier who, despite not even being Jewish, began beheading Nazis for fun. Stiglitz is such a badass that the movie pauses to pay tribute to him with a montage narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

The two stories of Inglorious Basterds collide when Shoshanna, now living in Paris under an assumed name and running a movie theater, gets her opportunity for vengeance with, of all things, the premiere of a German propaganda film at her theater. She plans to burn the place down with all of the Nazis inside. Meanwhile, the Basterds also plan on being at the movie premiere, especially after hearing that the Fuhrer himself will be attending.

The plot of Inglorious Basterds also makes room for a British Film Critic turned soldier (Michael Fassbender), and a German movie star (Diane Kruger) turned spy who help the Bastards get into the movie premiere. Trust me when I tell you that you will be surprised at the fates of each of these exceptionally well drawn characters.

Of course, a Quentin Tarentino movie is as much about a strong plot as it is about style and Inglorious Basterds is no different. Though the tone is a muddled mix of dark violence and darker comedy, Inglorious Basterds is, in classic Tarentino style, also a talky, literate, cinematic homage to all the movies QT loves. Stylish in the strangest ways, there are moments in Inglorious Basterds that approach elegance, especially scenes set in that gorgeous Parisian movie theater.

Brad Pitt is the headliner of one knockout cast. In one of the least glamorous roles since his redneck debut in Thelma & Louise, Pitt shows the ease and charm of a huge movie star and the grit of a classically Tarentino hero. Combining a dark sense of humor with the witty candor of Tarentino, Pitt surprises at every turn and is the glue of the movie.

But, Brad Pitt is far from the only standout. Christoph Waltz is Oscar Worthy as the Nazi known as the Jew Hunter. Daniel Bruhl also strikes all the right notes as a humble Nazi war hero turned propaganda movie star, and newcomer Melanie Laurent is a real scene stealer as Shoshanna whose revenge on the Nazis is a real cinematic treat.

Quentin Tarentino tames a wildly irreverent story by directing the violence, dark humor and endless talk as one giant symphony. His graceful movements from violence to verbiage are almost elegant in their ease and flow. Where some would argue that Tarentino's chapter to chapter style in Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bill movies could be choppy and disjointed, that same style rolls effortlessly in Inglorious Basterds. Wildly violent and yet smooth in its way, Inglourious Basterds is Quentin Tarentino at his auteurist best. Few directors have a style all their own, Tarentino is one the few and arguably the best working today.

Movie Review The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) 

Directed by David Fincher 

Written by Eric Roth 

Starring Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Mahershala Ali, Taraji P. Henson, Tilda Swinton, Juliette Binoche

Release Date December 25th, 2008

Published December 23rd, 2008

It is extraordinary what technology can do in the movies these days. In The Curious Case of Benjamin Button 45 year old Brad Pitt ages from a little old man to a youth ripe teenager before our eyes. It's stunning really and yet still remote. That is the nature of modern special effects. For all the genius and wonder, technology will never be able to replace one person relating to another on the most human levels.

Brad Pitt does what he can with the role that is given him in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's unfortunate that beyond the technology, there isn't a whole lot there. In 1918 a baby boy was born and seemed as if he should have died. He was aged, infirmed. He had cataracts and arthritis. He was abandoned by his father on the doorstep of an old folks home where the kindly nurse Queenie (Taraji P. Henson) took him in. He wasn't supposed to live through the night.

Several years later Benjamin is a little boy with all of the wonder of youth but he looked like a man in his 60's. When Benjamin was 13 years old he met Daisy Fuller. She was a few years younger but her keen intuition told her that Benjamin was somehow no different than herself. They became friends and every weekend, when Daisy came to visit her grandmother, they would play together.

When he turned 17 Benjamin took a job on a tugboat under Captain Mike (Jared Harris). Benjamin went all over the globe. In Russia he had his first kiss. He went on to war and eventually back to New Orleans. He and Daisy would reconnect and their love story is the centerpiece of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The most curious thing about Benjamin Button is that nothing much interesting happens to him. Yes, he went around the world but we don't see much of his travels. We see him in Russia but most of those scenes are spent in a hotel lobby. He went to war and was part of a notably sad incident but if you are waiting to see it play out as an aspect of his life and you will be left waiting awhile.

As written, the character of Benjamin Button is a blank screen in front of which colorful characters pass and are soon forgotten. Brad Pitt's contribution is his handsome visage which begins weathered under heavy makeup and CGI and slowly becomes more perfect and handsome. I know some will not require much more of Mr. Pitt but I did. This is a character filled with possibility and Mr. Pitt doesn't seem to explore the space. He remains a blank screen, only becoming active in a few scenes where he and Cate Blanchett send each other smoldering gazes. They are smoking hot together but again, I needed something more.

Cate Blanchett on the other hand smolders and suffers and delivers the one truly in depth performance in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Under extensive amounts of makeup, Blanchett and Julia Ormond as her daughter slowly recall the story of Benjamin from his diary. Blanchett is then seen as a young ballerina with porcelain skin that would shame Edward Cullen in sunlight. Blanchett is radiant and carrying almost all of the film's dramatic burden she damn near makes the movie work. Sadly, Pitt's blank slate and a script by Eric Roth that turns Benjamin into an old man version of Forrest Gump, leaves Ms. Blanchett dancing all by herself.

Director David Fincher is an artist beyond reproach. The way he melds the CGI and the real world is astonishing. Even more impressive are the scenes he creates with little help from the computers. A scene where Ms. Blanchett is seen dancing on an empty stage while attempting to entice Benjamin into their first trust is unbelievably beautiful. It's a scene that will be part of my memory for the rest of my life, even as the movie as a whole will fade relatively quickly.

There are breathtaking images in Benjamin Button which lay the uninvolving story all the more bare. I went in hoping to get some insight into a very unique character and left knowing what I knew about Benjamin Button when I came in. He is a boy who ages backwards. That alone is notable but how does it really affect him? What is his inner life like? The screenwriters never figured that out. What's left are a series of images and colorful supporting players and little to no insight into the man whose name is in the title.

Movie Review The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

Directed by Andrew Dominik 

Written by Andrew Dominik

Starring Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Sam Shepard, Mary Louise Parker, Jeremy Renner, Sam Rockwell, Zoey Deschanel

Release Date September 21st, 2007 

Published September 21st, 2007 

Few actors are as charismatic and in control as Brad Pitt. His handsomeness causes some to underestimate his talent. Pitt uses this to his advantage and almost constantly surprises. For his latest film, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford,  Pitt uses this audience bias to great advantage. As the legendary outlaw Jesse James, Pitt oozes charisma and draws us into this meandering, off-kilter art film.

That it doesn't quite work in the end is not Pitt's fault as much as director Andrew Dominic's overly ambitious artiness.

You could, if you were prone to being flippant, call The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford -Jesse The E True Hollywood Story-. Jesse was among America's very first celebrities with his every move documented in front page headlines and in books. He was often received by fans when he arrived in a new town.

That Jesse was a thief and a cold blooded killer doesn't change his perception even in our modern culture filled with celebs who don't murder the innocent. In a day and age where serial killers receive repeated marriage proposals behind bars, Jesse James would likely be an even bigger star than in his own time as an infamous outlaw.

Another strange connection between Jesse and modern celebrity culture is how his celebrity played a role in his death. An obsessed fan, Robert Ford (Casey Affleck), took James' life after not finding the man a match for the legend he worshiped. Paranoid with an explosive temper and a deep dislike for anyone outside his family, Jesse was not really meant for worship. If that isn't the wrap up of an E True Hollywood Story then what is?

Add to this celeb culture stew the fact that Jesse James is played by uber-celebrity Brad Pitt and the mind reels with the synergy of such a cultural clash. All flippancy aside, for a moment, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford is quite a lovely looking movie. Director Andrew Dominik, with the aid of legendary cinematographer Roger Deakins, crafts a number of striking visuals. In fact,  throughout the film you can see where Dominik got lost in the scenery and forgot about telling his story.

There is so much fat on The Assassination of Jesse James that two movies likely could have been cut from what Andrew Dominik shot. Dominick's original cut of the film was actually over 4 hours long. He never planned on trying to release it at that length but that did not stanch rumors of a troubled production. In fact the film has been in the can since 2005 following battles between Dominik and the studio as to just how long the film could be. For once the studio was right and remained so even after the final cut which could be improved with a few more edits.

Brad Pitt remains, even in a meandering art-fest like this one, an electric presence. Jesse James has the lightning presence that was the legend of Jesse James but it is the anger, paranoia and frightening fragility in Pitt's performance that is truly riveting. As he did in Babel and to a lesser extent in Troy, Pitt captures the essence of heartache and turns it out at the audience in waves. On the other hand, there are also occasional flashes of that easygoing Ocean's 11 charm that shows how Jesse James could invite so much loyalty and worship.

Casey Affleck delivers quite ably in the very difficult role of the star struck Robert Ford. A perennial child, Robert Ford was the runt of his family. His defining characteristic was his desperate worship of Jesse James. His devotion won him a few moments in his hero's presence and the realization of the classic cliché 'be careful what you wish for'. Jesse James may not mind being worshiped but he was not above abusing that worship.

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford has moments that are rich and haunting and quite powerful. The problem is the journey which is overloaded with too much scenery and too little focus on what made these characters who they were. We get essences, ideas of who these men are. Unfortunately, Dominik is distracted by his scenery, overdose on a number of scenes and repeats others. A tighter edit could have made for a far more focused and fascinating film.

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford is a maddening mess of a movie. There is a very good film buried somewhere beneath the mountains of film that director Andrew Dominik shot. Sadly, Dominik just didn't have the distance from the material to step away and allow someone else to cut the film a little more closely.

There is a masterpiece buried somewhere in all of this celluloid though we will likely never see it. The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford will go down as one of the great ambitious misfires in history.

Movie Review Race to Witch Mountain

Race to Witch Mountain (2009) 

Directed by Andy Fickman

Written by Matt Lopez, Mark Bomback 

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Alexander Ludwig, Anna Sophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Ciaran Hinds

Release Date March 13th, 2009 

Published March 12th, 2009 

The live action family movie is not an easy business. Getting past cheap laughs and cheese ball plots have been a challenge that few movies can stand. The best in the business are of course the folks at Disney. Sure they have as many misses (The Pacifier) as they have live action family hits (?) but they keep plugging away at it. And now they have a real home run hit.

Race To Witch Mountain is a reimagining of 1977's Escape To Witch Mountain. That film was a campy romp starring Eddie Albert, a motor home, and Bette Davis in one of the final roles of her career, long long long after her glory years. Escape and the sequel Return To Witch Mountain have cultivated a small but loyal fanbase over the years for both the earnest good nature of each and the high levels of kitsch.

The new Witch Mountain loses some of the kitsch but retains much of the camp, but most of all it captures the earnest popcorn movie entertainment that is likely to cultivate a whole new group of fans. Dwayne Johnson stars in Race To Witch Mountain as Jack Bruno, an ex-con gone straight arrow now working as a cab driver. One day, while a sci-fi convention takes over much of Las Vegas, Jack finds a couple of teenagers, Seth and Sara (Alexander Ludwig and Anna Sophia Robb), in the back of his cab. The kids ask him to drive them into the middle of the desert.

Once there, concerned for their safety, Jack follows them into a creepy secluded cabin where inside they are attacked by what looks like a spaceman. Once they are safe the kids break the news that indeed that was a spaceman and that they themselves are from outer space. Jack is naturally skeptical but he comes around after the kids use their unique powers to evade capture by government agents led by Agent Henry Burke (Ciaran Hinds). Think of Burke as the anti-Mulder, he is out to capture the kids for experimentation and possible extermination.

Eventually, Jack seeks the help of an alien expert, Dr. Alex Friedman (Carla Gugino) who helps them locate the one place in the country where the government could hide Seth and Sara's captured spaceship. With the government and the evil spaceman on their tail, Jack Alex and the kids have to get to Witch Mountain before it's too late.

What is so great about Race To Witch Mountain is the overall sense of wonder. The film treats aliens as a little kid might, with awe and wonder. While adults are long ago jaded by the idea of spaceships and aliens, kids' imaginations are still stoked by them and Race to Witch Mountain is the rare movie to keep that kid's awe and wonder intact.

The script by Matt Lopez and Mark Bomback is without cynicism and condescension. Sure, it's cheesy and often highly convenient but we aren't weighing the merits of a Coen Brothers Oscar contender here. Race To Witch Mountain is not Slumdog Millionaire or Milk. This is a live action kids movie that is out to satisfy the visceral energies of small children. We have to adjust our standards here. Director Andy Fickman directs Race To Witch Mountain at a high pitch and super quick pace. Fickman thrusts us right into the action and keeps this light and fun through car chases, alien fights and daring escapes. The energetic tone is reminiscent of the great action comedies from when I was a kid.

Movies like Goonies and Back To The Future and Raiders of the Lost Ark are part of how I came to love going to the movies and Race To Witch Mountain brought back those feelings for me. I can imagine an 8 or 9 year old kid in this day and age watching Race to Witch Mountain and making that same thrilling discovery. I'm not kidding folks, Race To Witch Mountain is that much fun.

A huge part of that fun is Dwayne Johnson. He was once called The Rock but a better nickname would be the natural. Ever since making the leap from wrestler to movie star, Dwayne Johnson has just gotten better and better. The man oozes charm and charisma from every pore.

Johnson's talent for action heroics and self deprecating asides are unmatched by any actor of his genre. Without Johnson in the lead, Race To Witch Mountain would likely wilt under the glare of its many plot conveniences and cheese ball action and stunts. With Johnson those same elements are glossed over by the fact that we are having such a good time with him.

Race To Witch Mountain is a pure joy. It's Goofy and good natured popcorn movie fun that the whole family will love. Ugh, I know, that sounded like a quote for the poster but so be it, this film is worth the price of the cliché.

Movie Review Reno 911 Miami

Reno 911 Miami (2007) 

Directed by Robert Ben Garant

Written by Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney Silver 

Starring Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Kerri Kenney Silver 

Release Date February 23rd, 2007 

Published February 23rd, 2007 

Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant are the team behind some of the worst screenplays in the past decade. The Pacifier, Taxi, Night at the Museum, Let's Go To Prison amongst others, ugh. The screenplay is simply not their forte. As they demonstrate on Comedy Central's inspired improv series Reno 911, Lennon and Garant's talent lies in spontaneity and invention. In the comic moment they know where to find the joke.

Now, with Reno 911 Miami, Lennon and Garant finally have an example of their talent on the big screen. Now if we can just convince them to stop writing screenplays.

The cops of the Reno police department are incompetent goofs whose days are spent chasing naked meth freaks and shooting at loose chickens. This ragtag bunch has never been a respected group of cops which makes their invitation to the national police convention in Miami something of a surprise. That is until they get to the part where it says every cop in the country is invited.

Hopping a bus to Miami the Reno sheriff's arrive to find they have no reservations and end up at a flea pit motel where... well the less said about what happens in the following scene the better. The following day when our heroes attempt to attend the cops convention they find the building sealed off by homeland security. Every cop in Miami is inside that building leaving only the Reno cops to step in and patrol the streets.

That is the setup of what is, essentially just an extended episode of the TV series. The cops get cool new Miami Sheriffs uniforms, new vehicles to destroy and wholly new ways to demonstrate their incompetence. Directed by Garant with scenarios written by Lennon and fellow cast member Kerri Kenney, Reno 911 Miami is not exactly groundbreaking but it is pretty funny.

Sloughing off the strict rules of cable television the Reno crew indulges their basest instincts. From foul language to nudity to some truly horrifying sexual situations, the Reno crew really indulges in the freedom of the R-rating, something they can't take full advantage of on TV.

The best moments of Reno 911 Miami are the star cameos. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, comedian Patton Oswalt and a nearly unrecognizable Paul Rudd each are allowed some of the biggest laughs in the film. Rudd especially has a few big moments as a Miami drug lord who randomly kidnaps the Reno cops to warn them not to investigate him, something they had not been doing anyway.

Reno 911 is a funny TV show that really didn't need a theatrical feature. As a feature it's just as funny as an average episode of the TV show only with a little extra on the bathroom humor and the language. The R-rating isn't exactly a plus, often on the TV show the bleeping was as funny as any curse that might be uttered.

Fans of the TV series will be more than satisfied with this feature length version. For the uninitiated, Reno 911 Miami will provide a few big laughs but nothing they couldn't see on Comedy Central 3 or 4 times a week.

Movie Review Rampage

Rampage (2018) 

Directed by Brad Peyton

Written by Carlton Cuse, Ryan Engle, Ryan J. Condal, Adam Sztykiel

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Malin Akerman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Naomie Harris 

Release Date April 13th, 2018 

Published April 12th, 2018 

Rampage stars Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as Primatologist, Dr. Davis Okoye. A former military officer, Davis specialized in battling poachers in Africa. That’s where Davis met his best friend, George (Jason Liles, in full motion capture), a giant white ape. Davis brought George to America to keep him away from poachers who would pay a hefty price for such a rare creature. Over the years, George became a leader and he and Davis developed communication via sign language.

The plot kicks in when a plane carrying an experimental serum belonging to an evil corporation that specializes in… being evil, crashes, it exposes George and several other animals to the evil serum and causes them to grow out of control. Aside from George, the evil serum affects a wolf that develops the ability to fly and a crocodile that eventually swims across the country, even where there isn’t a large body of water, to enact destruction upon Chicago. 

The evil corporation, I assume, intends to weaponize the animals afflicted by the serum. When they turn on a beacon on top of their evil skyscraper it sends out a signal to the now monstrously over-sized animals that causes them to go crazy and make a mad dash for Chicago. Only Davis and a former scientist for the evil corporation, Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris), can stop the animals from destroying Chicago… in a Rampage. Ha! 

Rampage sounds like a lot of fun, in description. Unfortunately, as directed by Brad Peyton, director of the equally forgettably competent, San Andreas, it’s merely a movie that exists. Rampage has no personality, no life, no charm. Everything in the movie is in frame, it looks professional and the CGI is well-produced. Competency however, is only part of a good movie and Rampage is missing those other essential qualities. 

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is one of the most entertaining movie stars of recent times and yet even his charm can’t bring Rampage to life. Like his performance in the recent flop Skyscraper, The Rock’s performance is muted, he doesn’t go for the jokes and appears to be taking the silliness of Rampage far too seriously. There are too many scenes that appear to be going for action movie suspense when they should be going for the kind of goofball, comic thrills The Rock gets in his Fast and Furious franchise. 

Malin Akerman, Jake Lacy and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays a wacky CIA Agent, on the other hand, as opposed to The Rock, appear to know what movie they are in. Though they don’t achieve much flying in the face of the overly serious direction and score, the three supporting players try hard to bring laughs to their roles. These three get that a movie with giant animals on a ‘Rampage’ in a big city is not something to be taken too seriously. 

Morgan is unquestionably the best thing about Rampage, aside from the terrific creature effects. Morgan is grinning and giggling throughout Rampage and affects a bizarre drawl that is laughably over the top. Morgan’s looseness and giant grin are a clear port in a storm of boring exposition and tepid, acceptably well produced action. It’s a wonder Morgan isn’t a bigger star, he’s got personality to spare and as seen in Rampage, he can steal scenes from both The Rock and giant CGI animals. 

The biggest problem with Rampage is an approach that takes the material way too seriously. I get that giant animals attacking a large city would be something we would have to take seriously were it to ever happen but let’s be real here. This is a silly premise that needs to be treated as such for the movie to work. The supporting players get that and act accordingly comic, with Akerman twirling an absent mustache and Lacy being slimy and weaselly and Morgan making a joke of the whole thing. 

Sadly, The Rock, the most charismatic star in the world today, fails to get the joke of Rampage and in the star missing the joke, the movie fails. Director Brad Peyton especially needed to get the joke of Rampage and he completely misses the boat by going for genuine action movie suspense rather than amping up the goofiness ala The Fast and Furious franchise or the recent Jurassic World movies. That kind of approach could have made Rampage a classic. As it is, I don’t even recommend it as a time wasting rental.

Movie Review Skyscraper

Skyscraper (2018)

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber 

Written by Rawson Marshall Thurber 

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Chin Han, Roland Moller, Neve Campbell, Pablo Schreiber

Release Date July 13th, 2018

Published July 12th, 2018 

Releasing Skyscraper on the same weekend time frame when Die Hard was released 30 years earlier was a bad idea. Tributes abound this weekend to the staying power and quality of Die Hard and those who revisit the Bruce Willis classic will not look favorably upon the similarly plotted but far less accomplished Skyscraper. Just how bad is Skyscraper? Not even Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and his megawatt smile can save it.

Skyscraper stars The Rock as Will Sawyer, a former Army Ranger turned FBI Agent and now family man and entrepreneur. After retiring from the FBI following a mission that ended tragically, Will started a family with his wife Sarah, who happened to save his life after he nearly died in that failed raid I just mentioned. Will has also just launched his own security firm. Will’s pal Ben (Pablo Schreiber) has even gone to great lengths to get him his first client and what a client he is.

Zhao (Chin Han) has just opened the world’s largest building; he calls it ‘The Pearl’ for the giant pearl design that sits above the 200th floor. Before he can open the residential section of ‘The Pearl’ however, Zhao needs to get insured and that means a full security systems check and that leads him to Will. Unfortunately, for both Zhao and Will, a group of terrorists want something that Zhao has locked away inside ‘The Pearl’ and they will go to extreme measures to get it.

Director Rawson Marshall Thurber is best known for the Ben Stiller comedy “Dodgeball.” He could have used some of that film’s sense of humor and good nature as Skyscraper is a dry, joyless exercise in simple minded, plot-heavy idiocy. The script, also by Thurber, is bursting at the seams with clumsy, forced, exposition to the point where characters communicate plot points by speaking out loud to no one but the movie watching audience.

I’m not kidding, at one point, the main baddie of Skyscraper, played by Roland Moller, talks to no one in particular and makes mention of something important to the plot of the movie. Later, The Rock is also alone and also expositing plot points to no one but us and the scene is so forced and clumsy that even Rock’s billion dollar charisma can’t sell the line. The Rock could sell ice cubes in the arctic but the awful dialogue of Skyscraper fully defeats him.

I’m a huge fan of Dwayne Johnson and I have been since his early days in the WWE. He’s always had an air about him, a swagger, a star presence that, even in subpar efforts, still shined through. Until now, I thought The Rock was invincible, the kind of actor who unfailingly elevated the movies he chose to star in. Here, however, with Skyscraper, even The Rock’s magnetism is defeated by a terrible script and subpar direction.

This Skyscraper should be condemned! Is what I would say if I were a terrible critic looking to score a cheap giggle. Instead, I will say that Skyscraper is one of the worst movies of 2018, a flat, dull-witted bit of action nonsense that can’t hold a candle to its undoubted influencer, Die Hard which, even 30 years later, feels fresh, fun and exciting and more so when compared to the dreck of Skyscraper.

Movie Review The Condemned

The Condemned (2007)

Directed by Scott Wiper

Written by Scott Wiper, Rob Hedden 

Starring Stone Cold Steve Austin, Vinny Jones, Robert Mammone, Rick Hoffman

Release Date April 27th, 2007 

Published August 16th, 2007

WWE owner Vince McMahon is still ticked off that Dwayne ‘The Rock' Johnson managed to become a major movie star without Vince's help. Ever since The Rock left the WWE for Hollywood Vince has been determined to make movie stars of his wrestlers while they are still working for him. Thus, last year audiences were treated to WWE star Glen 'Kane' Jacobs in the forgettable horror flick See No Evil.

That film was followed by WWE champion John Cena in The Marine in early 2007. Both of those films tanked at the box office but that is not slowing down the WWE owner's determination to make movies. McMahon and company have gone back to the well one more time with the action movie The Condemned.

WWE superstar Stone Cold Steve Austin stars in The Condemned as Jack Conrad, a navy seal left behind in a South American prison after a black ops mission gone bad. Sentenced to death, Jack is plucked off of death row by an American millionaire with some ugly intentions. Ian Breckel (Robert Mammone) is creating the ultimate high stakes reality show and Jack Conrad is going to be the star attraction.

The Condemned is a competition in which 10 condemned prisoners are transported to a remote island filled with cameras. The premise is to have the former death row inmates from around the globe battle to the death. The last man or woman left standing will be released with some money in their pocket. The whole show will be filmed and broadcast worldwide on the net.

It's a premise that's been used a number of times in films as varied as The Running Man and Death Race 2000 to more artful examples like the indie Series 7: The Contenders or the Asian classic Battle Royale. So The Condemned and writer-director Scott Wiper are not exactly treading new ground here. What is different about The Condemned is the oddball way in which The Condemned comes out against the very violence it portrays and intends to thrive upon.

The Condemned is a hard R-rated action movie with some brutal violence and a high body count. It's also a movie with a moralist message that condemns the very violence it proliferates. It's a very strange combination because the movie plays out in such an earnest, straightforwardly violent fashion. The Condemned plays as if the filmmakers were entirely unaware of the irony.

There is a goofy charm in the way The Condemned unfolds it's moralist plot with hardcore violence. Director Scott Wiper is either a madman genius who gets it so well that he can make you think he doesn't. Or he is so blissfully ignorant that the irony of using hardcore violence to condemn hardcore violence is lost on him in the same way Ed Wood could ignore the strings holding the fake flying saucer in his Plan 9 From Outer Space.

The only really knowing aspect of The Condemned comes from star Stone Cold Steve Austin whose performance is so completely in the know it damn near doubles back on itself and becomes a severe parody. Stone Cold bites into every line with relish and extra cheese. He delivers one-liners with the skill and precision of a Schwarzenegger in one scene and with deathly Stallone/Rambo seriousness in others.

The Condemned is a bizarre combination of hardcore violence and oddball moralizing. It's a film whose premise condemns the very violence it thrives upon and does so with such earnestness that you almost appreciate the naivete of the creators. Their seeming lack of awareness of the irony of their plot is strangely endearing. I can't recommend The Condemned, it's just not a very good movie overall, but for the brave irony appreciators out there, those of you with a strong stomach and stronger sardonic nature, you may find something to enjoy in The Condemned.

Movie Review Gridiron Gang

Gridiron Gang (2006) 

Directed by Phil Joanou

Written by Jeff Maguire

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Xhibit, Leon Rippy, Kevin Dunn

Release Date September 15th, 2006

Published September 14th, 2006

Gridiron Gang is yet another formula sports flick with all of the beats, lyrics and tear jerker elements the genre is known for. So how does it manage to be better than most similar formula sports flicks? It's all about the star power. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is a rising star whose massive wrestlers frame is matched by a thousand watt smile, a self deprecating sense of humor, and the kind of charm only seen in the biggest movie stars. The Rock's presence turns the simplistic, slightly tacky, recycled plot of Gridiron Gang into an inviting, entertaining piece of formula filmmaking.

At Camp Kilpatrick, on the outskirts of affluent Malibu, California, guard Sean Porter (The Rock) is fighting a losing battle. Year after year he watches in futility as his teenage prisoners repeat the mistakes that got them to Camp Kilpatrick after they get released. Kilpatrick is a youth facility where criminal teens kill time till they turn 18 and are returned to the street. The stats say that nearly 80 percent of the kids released from Kilpatrick will either find themselves in adult prisons or dead.

One day, as Porter is visiting his sick mother, he passes a High School football practice and is struck with a slightly crazy idea. He thinks he can start a football team at Camp Kilpatrick. In pitching the idea to his boss, Paul Higa (Leon Rippy), Porter points out that the problems these kids have with discipline and working well with others can be addressed by playing football.

Higa is dubious but allows Porter and fellow guard Malcolm Moore (rapper Xzibit) to go ahead with forming a team. Porter takes it a step further by approaching a league of Christian High Schools about allowing the newly formed Kilpatrick Mustangs to play a full schedule of games in their league. Can he get the team to come together in a very short time? Can he get these mostly gang affiliated criminals to put aside their street affiliations and play as a team? These are the questions that drive the plot of Gridiron Gang.

Gridiron Gang is based on a television documentary from the husband and wife team of Lee and Linda Stanley who discovered the story of Sean Porter while researching a documentary on juvenile detention facilities. The story they discovered was one of the few true success stories in the often heart rending system of juvenile detention. As the film explains, the football program at Camp Kilpatrick managed to help 75% of the kids who played on that team to avoid returning to their criminal ways after leaving the camp. That is an extraordinary accomplishment, worthy of having made a movie about it.

Director Phil Joanou, best known for his work on some innovative U2 music videos, brings a documentary feel to Gridiron Gang. The aesthetic is often difficult to square with football scenes that go right inside the huddle and on the field (places where obviously documentary cameras could not go) but it is nevertheless an eye capturing visual approach that does work in non-football scenes.

The most important element of Gridiron Gang however, is the lead performance of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. The former WWE superstar is an imposing physical presence, more than filling the intimidating presence of a prison guard, but it is his charm that really makes this role so surprising and entertaining. Coming from the often meat headed world of professional wrestling; it is quite extraordinary to find someone like The Rock with such natural charisma, presence and talent.

Rather than just be intimidating The Rock also shines in his dramatic scenes in Gridiron Gang. The Rock has a natural rapport with his young co-stars and their obvious admiration for him comes through in their performances. Amongst the strong group of young actors Jade Yorker stands out as Willie Weathers a roughneck young gangster who lost his cousin in a drive by and lives for the chance at revenge. Forced to play football with members of the rival gang involved in his cousins death, Willie becomes a difficult charge. His transformation is slow and painful and the film makes good use of this dramatic device.

I've said it before and I will say it again; there is nothing wrong with formula filmmaking. The key is how the formula is applied. The creators of Gridiron Gang apply this formula with eye catching documentary style camerawork and most importantly; by taking advantage of the star power and charisma of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. The Rock is a true star in the making whose obvious physicality is made even more impressive by his jovial expressiveness and terrific sense of humor. The Rock raises the formula of Gridiron Gang from typical to entertaining.

Movie Review: Fighting With My Family

Fighting with My Family (2019) 

Directed by Stephen Merchant

Written by Stephen Merchant 

Starring Florence Pugh, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Lena Headey, Nick Frost, Jack Lowden

Release Date February 14th, 2019 

Published February 13th, 2019 

As a longtime fan of the WWE I have known Saraya Knight from her earliest days in wrestling’s big leagues. I saw her win the very first NXT Women’s Championship. I watched live when she debuted on Monday Night Raw and won what was then called the WWE Divas Championship. I was also there when injuries and scandal nearly ended her career. Finally, I was there when she broke her neck and was forced to retire at the far too young age of 25. 

Saraya ‘Paige’ Knight has lived multitudes in her 26 years beginning her wrestling career at age 12 in Norwich, England, working for her mother and father’s very own promotion, WAW. As the story goes in real life and in the new movie on Paige’s life, Fighting with My Family, she never wanted to wrestle as a kid, that was her brother Zak’s thing. Once in the ring however, things changed and she fell in love with the business and began regularly wrestling against her mother, a successful wrestler in England for many years. 

Florence Pugh portrays Paige in Fighting with My Family. We watch as she wrestles against her parents all the while she and her brother Zac (Jack Lowdon) dream of getting a call from the WWE. That call comes when Paige is a mere 18 years old. Paige and Zac are invited to a WWE tryout while the WWE is in London in 2012. A trainer played by Vince Vaughn as an amalgam of many of WWE’s trainers over the years, named in the movie as Hutch Morgan, decides that only Paige has what it takes to go on to WWE’s Developmental system. 

This drives a wedge between Paige and Zac who had always been very close until this happened. Nevertheless, Paige accepts the chance to join the WWE and move away from her family to Florida where the fish out of water portion of the movie begins. Paige is not the prototypical WWE Diva. She’s up against models and athletes who didn’t grow up in the industry but were brought into it, the movie implies briefly, because of their looks. 

Part of Paige’s journey, surprisingly, is coming to respect the leggy blondes who are initially her antagonists. This is a welcome inversion of the classic trope. Our outsider hero has a journey here that is not as straightforward and heroic as it would initially seem. Fighting with My Family was directed by actor-comedian and writer Stephen Merchant, a rather brilliant comic mind who does well tapping both his comic and dramatic skills in Fighting with My Family. 

Fighting with My Family is not a serious movie by any stretch but it is grounded in a way that allows for the broad humor of wrestling to stand out against the mundane regular world. The juxtaposition between the broad and strange world of professional wrestling and the regular world outside of wrestling plays well for the most part, aside from characters played by the director himself and Julia Davis who play stock characters, whitebred outsiders who look down on the low culture of wrestling.

There is plenty to enjoy about Fighting with My Family including the wonderful supporting performances of Nick Frost and Lena Headey as Paige’s parents. These are wonderful actors playing wonderful characters. Frost and Headey appear to bring lifetimes to these two characters that we never see and yet they feel real and lived in. Their chemistry is remarkable, they are all in on the romance, the wrestling and the family. 

Florence Pugh is solid as Paige, though she lacks her swagger and lithe physique. As written, Paige is not the character we know from the WWE. Pugh plays the behind the scenes Paige as a shrinking violet, a homesick and cowed young woman, completely opposite of the wild child, charismatic, divas champion we would come to know and cheer for. There is a stock quality to the story of Paige learning to find herself, find her voice and her confidence. I don’t doubt that the real Paige went on that journey, but this is unquestionably the sanitized, safe for work take on that journey. 

Wrestling fans will undoubtedly recognize how compressed the timeline of Paige’s career is. In real life, Paige wrestled in America before her WWE debut in a company called Shimmer. She also was an overachiever in WWE Developmental where she won over the company brass enough to be picked to win the very first NXT Women’s Championship, months before her post-Wrestlemania 30 Monday Night Raw debut which is the culmination of Fighting with My Family. 

The film fails to mention that Paige was the NXT Women’s Champion when she she debuted on Monday Night Raw and many of the fans in attendance that night were fully aware of who she was when she went to the ring that night against Diva’s Champion A.J Lee, portrayed in the movie by current WWE superstar, Zelina Vega. The makers of Fighting with My Family would have you believe that she was some unknown wrestler getting a shot out of the blue. Then again, the movie would have you believe that Vince McMahon doesn’t exist and pull every string in the company or that a wrestler would make it to Monday Night Raw without seeing Vince first. 

An interesting thing about Paige is that her life after the events of this movie is way more interesting than her rise to fame. From the place where Fighting with My Family ends to today, Paige has gone through career threatening injuries, a sex tape scandal, a reportedly abusive relationship with a fellow wrestler, drug suspensions and eventually, a career ending injury to her neck that led to her having to find a whole new place in the wrestling world. 

That, however, is not a movie that Paige or the WWE would want to make. That’s a complex journey that has fewer of the warm fuzzy moments that Fighting with My Family is built around. That’s a gritty movie with much more humanity and frailty than the mythic, sweet and funny journey of self discovery that is Fighting with My Family. You can’t slap a PG 13 on that movie and mass market it to an audience of young wrestling fans. 

That said, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with not making that movie and instead making Fighting with My Family. Indeed, Fighting with My Family is a perfectly acceptable, if somewhat bland comedy and biopic. The supporting cast is wonderfully colorful and the world of WWE, though it is completely whitewashed, has a fun, mythic quality to it that, as a wrestling fan, I find entertaining. It’s the WWE of Vince McMahon’s fantasy world. 

By the way, for those wondering about Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s role in Fighting with My Family, much of what you see in the movie really happened. It was The Rock who informed Paige that she was going to be debuting on Monday Night Raw, a scene of wonderful comedy in the movie. There are some fudges in the timeline of Paige’s life in WWE and Developmental WWE but that scene really happened in a form similar to how it plays in the movie.

Movie Review: Doom

Doom (2005) 

Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak 

Written by David Callaham, Wesley Strick 

Starring Karl Urban, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Rosamund Pike 

Release Date October 21st, 2005 

Published October 22nd, 2005 

I am a huge fan of The Rock. The guy is charismatic, he's cool, he's big and surprisingly funny. That talent was on display in both of his previous roles in the action movies The Rundown and Walking Tall. So what happened to Doom?  Director Andrzej Bartkowiak somehow manages to strip The Rock of his charisma, his humor and any of his other appealing qualities for this human vs. aliens video game retread. Doom had little going for it when it was conceived. Take away the only really appealing element it had in Dwayne Johnson and you have one of the worst films of the year.

On Mars a futuristic research facility has sent out a distress signal of unknown origin. Scientists and archaeologists have disappeared and no one in the facility seems to know why. Enter the Sarge (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson) and his team of marine mercenaries. Sent to mars to find the missing scientists and help the corporation recover proprietary data, they soon find themselves up against an enemy that may or may not be human.

Hey wait... isn't that the plot for Resident Evil 2? Remove the trip to outer space and toss in Milla Jovovich in some skimpy ass-kicking outfit and you have essentially the same movie. There are even zombies in Doom and possibly, this point was not all that clear, a virus.

Funny thing, there were no zombies at all in the video game on which Doom is based. Of course there weren't any characters in the game either. Instead of The Sarge or Grimm (Karl Urban) or Destroyer (Deobia Oeparai) or the Kid (Al Weaver) you had the first person point of view of a gun that you used to blast alien monsters.

Creative license, I'm sure, was necessary for adapting Doom to the big screen but this departure is rather extreme and made worse by the fact that it's a near complete rip off of another bad video game adaptation. It's bad enough Hollywood studios cannot resist making video games into movies but do they have to make them knockoffs of other video game movies? UGH! 

We might have predicted the kind of disaster that is Doom considering the director. Polish born director Andrzej Bartkowiak, has the kind of resume that only Uwe Boll could envy. Bartkowiak directed two atrocious Jet Li flicks, Romeo Must Die and Cradle 2 The Grave and, most egregiously, he brought Steven Seagal's Exit Wounds to the big screen, a cinematic nightmare of incalculable proportions.

Consider ourselves lucky Bartkowiak did not include Mr. Seagal in Doom. The combination of this already bad idea with Seagal might have caused time and space to collapse upon itself in a cosmic gag reflex hurling us all into the ether. Sorry, I'm just saying maybe things could have been worse.

In a nod to gamers Doom retains the first person shooting scenario that is one of the games trademarks. Unfortunately, once we enter the first person mode, which happens for much of the last 20 minutes of the film, watching Doom becomes very much like watching someone else play a videogame and knowing you don't ever get a turn.

The one thing the film had going for it was The Rock. Sadly, cast as taciturn, humorless pseudo cyborg killing machine The Rock loses every last bit of the personality that made him a star. The action genre that The Rock has quickly risen to dominate, in terms of the classic one man against the world Stallone-Schwarzenegger-Van Damme action genre and not the genre as a whole, is built on physicality and personality. Removed from that mold Rock is just another beefcake behemoth with a gun.

Walking Tall was an old school action flick that played to the strengths of Rock's personality while being just different enough from the old school to seem fresh and fun. The Rundown is an out and out buddy comedy that really allowed Rock to cut loose with that fresh charismatic smile and surly but exciting demeanor that I had hoped would become his trademark. Doom is a major step backward for the man once known in the world of professional wrestling as 'the most electrifying man in sports entertainment'.

Just who is the audience for Doom? Teenage boys who loved the videogame might find something to enjoy. But even the least discerning teenage male must have his limit. Doom is an abysmal mess of genre knockoffs and an outright theft of another movies plot and action. And the movie it steals from, Resident Evil 2, isn't very good either so you can imagine how bad a knockoff would be. 

Throw another hack director into the movie marketplace. Andrzej Bartkowiak joins Uwe Boll and the king of all hacks Paul W.S Anderson in the ranks of directors dragging the standards of Hollywood filmmaking to new lows. Where is the justice? Woody Allen, Jim Jarmusch and other auteurs struggle to find financing for their work, often having to leave the country as Allen did for his latest film Match Point, to find the funding to make one small picture.

Hacks on the other hand are finding ever growing budgets and clout. I know Hollywood is a business but that does not make such practices right. Watch Doom and tell me you disagree.

Movie Review: Crank

Crank (2006) 

Directed by Neveldine and Taylor

Written by Neveldine and Taylor

Starring Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Erfren Ramirez 

Release Date September 1st, 2006 

Published August 31st, 2006

Jason Statham is right up there with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in the competition to replace the old guard action hero's; Stallone, Van Damme and Schwarznegger. With his two Transporter flicks; Statham established his badass credentials. All that Statham lacks is the easy charisma and sense of humor that The Rock is gifted with. In his latest flick Crank, Statham delivers yet another badass performance but the highly adrenalized Crank also exposes Statham's weaknesses as much as his strengths.

Hitman Chev Chelios (Statham) is having a truly awful morning. He has awakened from one nightmare into another as he finds that he has been killed in his sleep. A rival hitman, Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo), has dosed Chev with a poison called the Beijing cocktail. This poison will slowly snake through Chev's system until it shuts down his heart.

According to his doctor (Dwight Yoakam); Chev has maybe an hour to live unless he can keep his heart rate very high. What Chev needs are massive amounts of adrenaline in whatever way he can get it. Dying a slow death either way; Chev vows to stay alive long enough to say goodbye to his clueless girlfriend Eve (Amy Smart) and to kill Verona and all of his henchman.

Written and directed by the team of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, Crank is pure trash, B picture exploitation. Reminiscent of a pair of 2006 chase pictures with similarly lowbrow ambition, Tyrese's Waist Deep and Paul Walker's Running Scared, Crank gets a running start and pauses only for tacky sex scenes and overblown violence.

Crank sets itself apart from the others with a pair of humiliating sex scenes that take the career of poor Amy Smart an flush it down the B movie toilet. In the first of two scenes Smart is raped on the streets of L.A's Chinatown. I say raped, the scene begins as a rape but to make the scene more mortifying she begins to enjoy and participate willingly. Later as Chev's heart begins to slow during a chase scene, Smart's character performs oral sex while Statham drives and shoots bad guys.

Smart is not the only woman treated with little regard in Crank, merely the best known. All other women seen in Crank are dressed in next to nothing and placed in plastic cubes where they are ogled by bad guys. The film also takes time to rip gays and make stereotypical use of its few African American characters. Neveldine and Talyor, I'm sure, would say they are merely being politically incorrect, tweaking the conventions of the masses and other such justifications. That would be interesting if it served a metaphoric purpose; but Crank is just a violent, exploitation chase picture, it lacks the depth to defend its anti-PC attitude.

There is no denying the badass appeal of star Jason Statham. With his bullet shaped head and intense gaze, he is beyond intimidating. Unfortunately, when forced to get to the core of a character -beyond the act of simply killing a man- he is an empty vessel. He is all physicality and no mentality. Statham in Crank is an unstoppable killing machine who takes on an occasional bit of black humor and wit but mostly is just a machine pushed by the plot toward his next violent encounter.

Crank has a visceral power to it that comes from it's propellant plot. That power however, is dissipated by the directors need to be shocking and crude. The two high speed sex scenes in Crank are gratuitous and though the plot tries to makes them seem necessary that does not change their exploitative nature. Watching Amy Smart in these scenes should be titillating; she is a very attractive woman. Rather than titillating however, I felt nothing but pity for Smart who is made to look like an even less willing version of Chloe Sevigny in The Brown Bunny.

Is Jason Statham the next great action hero? The box office will determine that. Myself? I'll take The Rock whose combination of physicality and humor is the perfect combination of action hero violence and wit. Statham is not unappealing; he simply lacks range. Watching Crank you can barely make out any differences between Chev Chelios and the character Statham played in two The Transporter movies. 

Movie Review 12 Rounds

12 Rounds (2009) 

Directed by Renny Harlin

Written by Daniel Kunka 

Starring John Cena, Aiden Gillen, Ashley Scott, Steve Harris, Brian J. White 

Release Date March 27th, 2009 

Published March 27th, 2009 

There is something to say about a movie as energetic and confident as 12 Rounds. Sure, the movie is by few standards a good movie. The plotting is laughable, the performances are wooden, and the screenplay may have been assembled by monkey's with blenders, but the action is kinetic and attention grabbing. Most interestingly, the star is professional wrestling star John Cena, arguably one of the biggest stars on television at the moment. 

WWE superstar John Cena is the star of 12 Rounds as Danny Fischer, a New Orleans police officer about to stumble on a career making bust. He happens to be in the right place at the right moment to bust an international arms dealer, and all around dirt bag named Miles Jackson (Aiden Gillen). Unfortunately, during the bust Jackson's beloved gal Friday is accidentally killed and the baddie vows revenge on Danny.

One year later, Danny and his partner Hank (Brian White) have made detectives thanks to their big bust but they aren't prepared when Miles escapes from federal custody. Soon after his escape, Mile has kidnapped Danny's beloved girlfriend, Molly (Ashley Scott), and has crafted an elaborate series of challenges for Danny to overcome in order to win her safe return. You could say he has 12 Rounds in this fight in order to save his beloved from a cackling mad man bent on revenge. 

12 Rounds of challenges, in fact, that will have Danny racing about like a maniac fighting fires, stealing cars, and rescuing innocent civilians caught unaware that an international arms dealer has made them pawns in an overly complicated revenge scheme. To say that 12 Rounds is derivative of Die Hard and about a dozen other similar trope heavy action flicks would be an understatement. Aside from John Cena's confidently amateurish performance, 12 Rounds would have nothing going for it that wasn't based on nostalgia for the movies that director Renny Harlin is blatantly ripping off. 

If all of this sounds pretty goofball, well it is. It is goofy and that's ok. That really is what 12 Rounds should be. To attempt to take seriously a movie starring a former WWE champion, whose name isn't Dwayne Johnson, and is directed by schlockmeister Renny Harlin, is a fool's errand. 12 Rounds is silly and perhaps not even silly enough. The film is a little up its own backside in the notion of what we are asked to buy into, but with a bar set so low it's more dimwitted than it is egregious or wholly unwatchable. 

The makers of 12 Rounds know they are not making Shakespeare here, they are barely recreating the glory years of Sly Stallone. Renny Harlin and John Cena fully accept their place in the filmmaking world and that gives 12 Rounds a freewheeling air that is almost cheesy enough to be fun. ALMOST. Sadly, the film overstays its welcome by a good 20 minutes or so and by the time that the big helicopter set finale arrives, the cheese has gone cold. 12 Rounds is a bad movie that sadly fails to transcend into full camp potential. Minus that, it's just merely bad and therefore not something I can fully endorse.

Can John Cena act? By the evidence of his first starring role, no, not really, he's got a lot to learn. That said, Cena appears very confident. Cena radiates confidence, not arrogance, genuine confidence. Cena has self-assurance even as he's trapped in a derivative idiot plot. He's giving this role his all and he has an energy to match the intended spirit of 12 Rounds, if not the actual, dreary, final product of 12 Rounds.

Movie Review: Abandon

Abandon (2002) 

Directed by Stephen Gaghan

Written by Stephen Gaghan 

Starring Katie Holmes, Benjamin Bratt, Charlie Hunnam, Zoey Deschanel, Gabrielle Union 

Release Date October 18th, 2002 

Published October 17th, 2002 

The cast of Dawson’s Creek is going to have a tough time shaking their TV characters. As James Van Der Beek showed in Rules OF Attraction, even working with a great filmmaker doesn't allow him to him escape from his TV alter ego. Roger Avery appeared to enjoy using set pieces that traded on the Dawson persona in little winks to the audience that practically screamed "you wouldn’t see Dawson do this!" 

Katie Holmes has a similar problem, her Joey Potter is the picture of cherubic teenage innocence and even stripping in The Gift or going Goth in Disturbing Behavior hasn't separated her from the character that made her famous.  In the new movie Abandon, writer director Stephen Gaghan uses Holmes' TV persona in ways that bring the character a little more depth and makes the film's surprises a little more effective.

In Abandon, Holmes plays Caty Burke an ambitious college senior with a big money job waiting for her when she graduates. Things are not that simple however. Caty is still longing for an ex-boyfriend who disappeared two years previous. The boyfriend, Embry (Charlie Hunnam), vanished without a trace and now is being investigated as a missing person. The company that holds Embry’s million dollar trust wants him to be declared dead so they can move in on his millions. 

The investigation into Embry's disappearance is turned over to a recovering alcoholic cop named Wade (Benjamin Bratt). Wade’s investigation immediately leads him to Caty, the last person to have seen Embry alive. While she isn’t considered a suspect, Wade is suspicious of what she isn’t telling him. The investigation is bringing back a lot of memories for Caty, memories that are keeping her up at night and are beginning to effect her work. Caty is convinced that she has seen Embry recently, and that he is following her with intent to harm her. Not surprisingly she turns to Wade.

It’s not difficult to see where this is going, but director Stephen Gaghan has a few tricks up his sleeve, tossing out red herrings right and left and a brilliant clue early on that makes you feel stupid when it pays off later in the film. Though one too many flashbacks makes the film a little tedious, Gaghan develops enough mystery to keep your attention.

Embry, as played by Charlie Hunnam (best known for TV’s short lived and underappreciated "Undeclared") is such a great character. Embry is this totally self involved artist, the kind of guy every college woman dated for a semester despite the fact that he treated them terribly. Embry is the type of guy who picks up girls by promising to paint their portrait. Hunnam does a fantastic job of portraying the horrible qualities that every woman knows they shouldn’t want but can’t resist. 

Holmes and Bratt don’t have much chemistry, but it was interesting to see a male character as a functionary to a female. Normally in Hollywood it is the female character that is thrown in as a plot point. In Abandon however it is Bratt’s Detective who is the plot point. This is Katie Holmes’s show and while I still can’t get past Joey Potter on the big screen, I’m sure others will be able to put aside the Dawson’s Creek association and enjoy this popcorn thriller. 

Writer-Director Stephen Gaghan, an Oscar winner for his screenplay for Traffic, steps behind the camera for the first time with Abandon and delivers a first-rate Brian De Palma impression, and I mean that in a good way. Abandon is the kind of trashy popcorn flick DePalma made in the 80s with movies like Dressed To Kill, Body Heat and Obsession. While it may not be as memorable as those films, Abandon is nearly as skillfully made and a sign of good things to come from this first-time director.

Movie Review: Batman Begins

Batman Begins (2005) 

Directed by Christopher Nolan 

Written by Christopher Nolan, David S. Goyer

Starring Christian Bale, Katie Holmes, Cillian Murphy, Ken Watanabe, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman

Release Date June 15th, 2005 

Published June 14th, 2005 

Joel Schumacher has committed a number of cinematic sins. His destruction of Andrew Kevin Walker's darkly brilliant script for 8mm or last years 3 hour tin-eared musical Phantom Of the Opera come immediately to mind. But without a doubt Schumacher's most damnable sin is his destruction of the Batman film series. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin are atrocious examples of a director completely bent to the will of marketing executives. A director more interested in creating synergistic toy products and fast food tie-ins than in making entertaining movies.

Eight years after Schumacher killed it, and through three years of torturous development Batman has risen from the ashes once again and in the hands of director Christopher Nolan, an artist and auteur of the highest regard, Batman is not merely back, the D.C Comics franchise is better than ever. Rivaling Raimi's Spiderman and Singer's X-Men, Nolan's Batman Begins is a visionary comic book film worthy of the icon status of the character.

Batman Begins is an origin story that brings fans into the mind of Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) before Batman and shows us why a millionaire playboy would put on a bat suit and fight crime. Locked away in some far off Asian prison a scruffy but handsome American certainly sticks out. Battered and bruised Bruce Wayne has fought everyday he's been in this prison but his latest battle against several large thugs at once brings him to the attention of another handsome westerner, Henri Ducard played by Liam Neeson.

Ducard is a representative of Ra's Al Ghul (Ken Watanabe), leader of the League Of Shadows, a thousand year-old order dedicated to vigilantism. The League Of Shadows fancy themselves ninja crime fighters and in Bruce Wayne they see an asset both physically and otherwise. The League is preparing to raze Gotham City, purging the city of its criminality and anything else that might be in the way. Bruce has a choice: join the League and destroy Gotham or return alone to defend the innocent people of the city.

Returning to his home in Gotham City (Chicago standing in, not New York in this version) Wayne finds the metropolis in ruinous poverty. Crime rules the streets led by mob boss Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson). Among the few good people of Gotham are Bruce's butler, Alfred (the superb Michael Caine), and his childhood friend, Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes), who works as an assistant prosecutor fighting a losing battle with corruption.

Bruce's fortune is intact, the family business is under the control of a corrupt executive played by Rutger Hauer and working in the shadows is a former family friend, Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), whose work on various military projects for the company will certainly come in handy when Bruce Wayne is ready to transform into the caped crusader. It is Lucius Fox who creates the suit, the gadgets and the new military style Batmobile, even cooler than the sports car version from Tim Burton's Batman.

The film plumbs the depths of Bruce's past, the biggest factor to his becoming Batman. A childhood accident bred in him a fear of bats. It's a fear that is also linked to the death of his parents in a mugging outside a theater when Bruce was eight years old. A taste for vengeance is what led Bruce to his Asian adventure and the teachings of Ducard are what lead to his taking his fear of the bat as his symbol when he finally decides to take a stand against crime.

It's an extraordinarily detailed and logical story that fits perfectly into the dark atmospheric universe that director Christopher Nolan and writer David S. Goyer, of Blade fame, have created. This Gotham City is in part the vision of Frank Miller's Year One graphic novel balanced with the Auteurist vision of Nolan who nods to Miller but makes the look and feel of the film his own.

Christian Bale is the perfect blend of movie star handsome and brooding maniac, the essence of the Bruce Wayne-Batman dichotomy. Though Batman holds the typical moral values of a superhero-- he captures but does not kill-- he has a definite weird streak.  As Bruce himself points out, "A guy who dresses up as a bat clearly has issues". Those 'issues' are given a thorough and complete examination in Batman Begins and as played by Mr. Bale, they are given the depth and emotionality that the character has lacked in his former movie incarnations.

The supporting cast is exemplary, especially Gary Oldman as "Sgt." Gordon who we all know will someday be Police Commissioner Gordon. This is his origin as well and, with Oldman in this pivotal role, we have a solid basis for further great stories to be told. Katie Holmes is much better than expected in the role of Bruce's childhood friend and adult love interest. She looks too young and innocent for the position of District Attorney fighting the worst of the worst criminals but she has an unexpected steeliness to her that sells the character.

The villains, the most obvious weakness from the Schumacher films, are given a similar comic book realism to that of Batman. Based more in the reality and logic of the story, the villains in Batman Begins are not super villains with grand schemes of mass murder or world domination but logical extensions of the established corruption of Gotham City. Cillian Murphy is terrific as Dr. Jonathan Crane whose alter ego, the Scarecrow, is no psycho du jour but a functionary of a larger, more logical and ordered plot.

Obviously Nolan's Batman Begins cannot help but be compared with the lofty achievements of Bryan Singer's X-Men and Sam Raimi's Spiderman and it is without a doubt worthy of the comparisons. Batman Begins ranks only behind Raimi's Spiderman 2 as the best comic book adaptation I have seen. An awesomely entertaining and involving action packed feature, Batman is back and better than ever in Batman Begins.

Movie Review: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011) 

Directed by Troy Nixey 

Written by Guillermo Del Toro, Matthew Robbins 

Starring Katie Holmes, Bailee Madison, Guy Pearce 

Release Date August 26th, 2011

Published August 25th, 2011 

"Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" is a fraud. The marketing of the film, starring child actress Bailee Madison and Katie Holmes, was promoted heavily on the name of director Guillermo Del Toro with allusions to Del Toro's wildly imaginative masterwork "Pan's Labyrinth." "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" however, was not directed by Guillermo Del Toro but rather by first time pretender Troy Nixey.

At a Rhode Island mansion Sally Hurst (Bailee Madison) has been left by her mother in the care of her distant father Alex (Guy Pearce) and his kindhearted girlfriend Kim (Katie Holmes). Sally's discomfort with her new surroundings is made worse when she discovers monsters in the basement. From there "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" devolves into a series of teasing set pieces in which Sally narrowly escapes capture while the adults around her question why she has made up a story about monsters. The first adult to discover the truth is, of course, attacked and left unable to warn others until it is too late.

The story is based, not surprisingly, on a TV movie from the 1970's; something you might have intuited from the low rent plotting. With the focus on Guillermo Del Toro in the marketing it's fair to assume that the visual elements of "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" are supposed to be the film's draw. Sadly, the visuals are only slightly more appealing than the plot.

The one bright spot in "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" is young Bailee Madison. As Sally Draper on "Mad Men" Madison is the picture of despairing 60's youth, too young for revolution but young enough for post revolution ennui. Madison was also the sad, compelling face of the long forgotten drama "Brothers" in 2010. In "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" Madison is compelling and sympathetic; something that can't be said of her wooden adult co-stars.

Troy Nixey isn't a bad director. His work in "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" is competent for a first time director. The problem is that Troy Nixey is not Guillermo Del Toro. Nixey can't overcome a thin plot with sumptuous visual pleasures in the way Del Toro did in his otherwise blasé 'Hellboy' sequel. "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" is one of those mediocre movies that you forget moments after seeing it. It's not so bad that you're angry you spent money on a rental but bad enough that if you can be warned away from it you will appreciate the warning.

Movie Review The Extra Man

The Extra Man (2010) 

Directed by Sherri Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini 

Written by Sherri Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini 

Starring Kevin Kline, Paul Dano, Katie Holmes, John C. Reilly 

Release Date July 30th, 2010 

Published August 14th, 2010

The thrill of watching Kevin Kline work has never ceased for me. When Kevin Kline is on he is arguably the most compelling actor of his era. In his latest effort, “The Extra Man,” Kline is on like gangbusters in a role that is beyond quirky and into a realm of peculiarity that few actors could sustain and remain believable.

The Extra Man stars Kevin Kline as a gentleman of leisure, a man about town. Kline's Henry Harrison is a failed playwright living in semi-squalor off of the kindness of wealthy friends. Into Henry's life comes Louis (Paul Dano) a kindred soul with a literary heart who fancies himself the modern incarnation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby.

That is if Nick Carraway liked to dress in drag. Yes, Louis has an issue with wanting to dress as a woman, a fetish opposed vehemently by Henry but indulged by Louis with the help of an understanding prostitute played by Patti D'Arbanville. Is Louis gay? He's not sure; he may or may not have feelings for a co-worker at his new job, Mary played by Katie Holmes.

What is Henry's orientation? A gentleman would never discuss such a thing. Henry's job, such as it is, and the field that he introduces Louis to is as an extra man. What is an extra man you wonder? He is a gentleman who squires older women about town to the opera or a dinner party or a fancy restaurant. Henry lives for his work but whether he performs the duties of a gigolo is yet another thing a gentleman never tells.

No doubt your quirk-ometer is on overload just from my description. What makes “The Extra Man” all the more odd and wonderful is how the characters and indeed the filmmakers play as if nothing were odd about this at all. Director's Sherri Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini direct “The Extra Man” with such quiet dignity and self seriousness that the oddity is tamed into something resembling an existent reality.

”The Extra Man” is weirdly warm, humorous if not laugh out loud funny and has a wealth of charm. Kevin Kline relishes playing Henry Harrison and the life he gives this character leaps off of the screen. Young Paul Dano remains the most quirky of all modern actors. There is a certain pre-destiny in his becoming an Oscar winner yet stardom seems to be something he will fight against with all of his quirky will.

Berman and Pulcini too will likely never become blockbuster, a-list directing talents. They are too independent, too in their own heads to ever compromise enough to create a hit. Like the best of auteurs they will succeed despite their instinct for art over commerce. “The Extra Man” is certainly art over commerce. There was never any hope this would be a hit and never any attempt to make it so. In that sense the movie is as wonderfully quirk ridden as its main character.