Movie Review Night at the Museum

Night at the Museum (2006) 

Directed by Shawn Levy

Written by Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant 

Starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Dick Van Dyke, Steve Coogan, Carla Gugino, Robin Williams 

Release Date December 22nd, 2006 

Published December 21st, 2006 

As movie pedigrees go, Night at the Museum could not have an uglier ancestry. Directed by Shawn Levy, the man behind both The Pink Panther and Cheaper By the Dozen, and written by Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant, who despite being brilliant on TV's Reno 911 have written scripts for cinematic flotsam like Taxi, Let's Go To Prison and The Pacifier. Ugh!

It is a wonder then how they managed to net, for their latest movie Night At the Museum, some all star comedians for an all star cast. Led by Ben Stiller, the cast also includes Owen Wilson, Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais and Robin Williams. However, even a cast as brilliant as this cannot overcome the work of the behind the scenes 'talent' at work on Night at the Museum, an aggressively aggravating work of computer generated ridiculousness and family movie clichés.

I must admit, the idea behind Night at the Museum is very clever. At night at the natural history museum in New York the exhibits come to life and wreak havoc thanks to a mummy's curse. It's up to the new night security guard Larry (Ben Stiller) to keep the chaos from spilling out into the streets of New York and keep the exhibits from perishing in the light of day.

Larry is left this task after three longtime night guards, played by legends Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs, are let go. Let's just say they are a little bitter about being let go. They are kind enough to leave Larry an instruction manual but when Larry gets cocky, thinking he knows how to handle this situation, things go from weird to worse.

Larry would not have taken this job but his ex-wife Erica (Kim Raver) threatened to take away his son Nick (Jake Cherry) if he didn't find a steady job and place to live. No points for guessing that Nick will get in on the museum madness. You also get no points for guessing that the pretty museum tour guide, played by Spy Kids star Carla Gugino, will become Larry's love interest.

The best part of Night at the Museum is Robin Williams as President Teddy Roosevelt. Coming to life nightly to ride his horse throughout the museum, Williams' Mr. President is the most helpful of the museum exhibits and of course when it comes to delivering the moral of the story who better than a former President. Of course, Williams can't help but ham it up a little, but you expect that from Robin Williams.

Ben Stiller seems at a loss to keep up with the goofy CGI madness of Night at the Museum. Rushed through the exposition, his character is essentially a deadbeat who nearly loses his kid because he's so lazy. Not exactly a winning character. Once inside the museum, Stiller's Larry vacillates from coward to cocky but mostly just runs around confused and angry.

Director Shawn Levy and writers Garant and Lennon hit all of the typical family movie beats, a lesson learned, bathroom humor and a monkey. They also toss in a couple action movie clichés for good measure including a chase scene involving an ancient stagecoach and a miniature SUV. Trust me, my description reads far more interesting than the actual scene.

With comic talent like Stiller, Williams, Wilson et al, it would seem impossible for the film to completely fail and I guess it doesn't fail completely. Stiller can't help but wring a few laughs out of a character who's only characteristic is frustration. Frustration is Stiller's milieu. Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan have a good banter but their parts are tiny, literally and figuratively.

Ricky Gervais really gets short shrift. Why hire one of England's premiere comic talents for a role that doesn't give him any room to breathe. As the crusty museum curator, Gervais has no jokes in the movie, he is simply in place to punish Stiller's Larry and then disappear. It's as if he was hired just to make the film more profitable in England where having his name on the poster might sell a few tickets.

I honestly wonder if comedians like Ben Stiller and Robin Williams accept parts in movies like Night at the Museum in some kind of Hollywood style community service program. Studio heads put it out there that if stars will work on family movie garbage like Night at the Museum then they will get the chance to work on projects the stars really want to make. Can there be any other explanation as to why talented people make such terrible films, often in this basest of genres?

I cannot deny that at the screening I attended the target audience for Night at the Museum laughed loudly and often. Little children will, sadly, find a lot they enjoy about Night at the Museum which manages to find a number of lowest common denominator moments just for the kids. For my money however, I can't imagine why, with a satisfying, smart and genuinely touching family film in theaters like Charlotte's Web, why anyone would waste money on Night at the Museum.

Is it just that Night at the Museum is louder than Charlotte's Web? I'm just trying to understand.

Movie Review Mirrors

Mirrors (2008) 

Directed by Alexandre Aja 

Written by Alexandre Aja, Gregory Levasseure

Starring Kiefer Sutherland, Paula Patton, Amy Smart

Release Date August 15th, 2008 

Published August 14th, 2008 

The fact is, Kiefer Sutherland is forever his 24 character Jack Bauer. Blessing or curse? That is for Sutherland himself to decide. Regardless, Jack Bauer is a pop culture icon and sitting down to watch Kiefer Sutherland pretend not to be Jack Bauer in the new horror flick Mirrors, I got just what I expected, a Kiefer/Jack head down, eyes forward badass with a purpose This works for Jack Bauer, not so much for Ben Carter the protagonist of Mirrors whose Jackism prevents him from connecting emotionally in the ways necessary to deepen the puddle deep ambitions director Alexandre Aja brings to Mirrors.

Based on a 2003 Korean original, Mirrors stars Kiefer Sutherland as the new night watchman at a burnt out old department store where only the mirrors seem to have survived the blaze that killed 40 some people, some years earlier. It is not long after accepting the job that Ben begins to notice something strange about all of those oddly pristine mirrors

The mirrors in fact not only reflect reality but have a reality of their own for anyone looking at them. On one of his first nights in the store, Ben nearly burns to death as a mirror shows him covered in flames. There are no flames but the pain feels real. Of course it could have something to do with the pills Ben is taking to overcome a drinking problem. Is psychosis a side effect?

As all of this is happening at work, Ben is trying to win back the love of his wife Amy (Paula Patton) who threw him out of their home because of his drinking. The couple has two kids that Ben still see's but Amy is resistant to him returning, especially after he starts babbling about the mirrors coming to life and trying to kill him.

That is a determinedly vague description of the plot of Mirrors. Even though I didn't like the movie, I don't want to ruin it for those inclined to see it. The thing is, this isn't that bad a movie, just not very original and not even a good rendering of a formula. More derivative than dramatic, more pushy than thrilling, Mirrors is yet another of those horror movies where things leap and make noise off screen for effect.

Birds flap their wings at ear snapping volumes, doors creak and slam louder in this creepy department store than they do anywhere else. Then there is the score which builds to obvious and unoriginal orchestral spikes meant to quicken the pulse. They do, but the payoffs are more often cheap and irritating than edge of your seat exciting.

The main reason I didn't enjoy Mirrors has much to do with the skill-less direction of Alexandre Aja. This horror movie hack with a real taste for the ugly sides of humanity, directs Mirrors with little care for developing the plot beyond mirrors being bad and Kiefer Sutherland fights them. The director of The Hills Have Eyes remake and the trashy High Tension, directs Mirrors minus any plausible explanations, rules or guidelines for his killer of title.

Why do the Mirrors kill? Why do they kill who they kill? A movie doesn't need to explain everything, but Aja is so deliberately vague that it becomes obvious even the director has no idea what drives the evil of the plot. Instead, Aja sits back and waits for the plot to reveal itself. It never does. Mirrors, like The Grudge, The Ring, The Eye and Shutter before it; is just another lame teenagers in danger movie ripped from a likely superior Korean version. Even if you love Sutherland as badass Jack Bauer, you aren't likely to be moved by his listless head strong imitation Jack Bauer in Mirrors.

Movie Review Mirai

Mirai (2018) 

Directed by Mamoru Hosada 

Written by Mamoru Hosada 

Starring Rebecca Hall, Victoria Grace, John Cho, Daniel Dae Kim 

Release Date August 12th, 2018 

Published August 12th, 2018 

Mirai may be the best challenger to Ralph Breaks the Internet in the race for the Best Animated Feature Oscar. This minimalist, dreamy, family drama from director Mamoru Hosoda evokes the best works of Hayao Miyazaki and it’s not merely because they share Asian characteristics. Like the best of Miyazaki’s work, Hosada’s Mirai is a deeply humane and gorgeous work brimming with empathy, wonder and humor. 

Mirai tells the story of 4 year old Kun. Heretofore an only child, Kun appeared to be excited about having a sibling when mom and dad left for the hospital, leaving him with his grandmother. But, now that the baby, Mirai, is home and getting all of mom and dad’s attention, Kun is not happy. In fact, Kun openly states that he hates Mirai. Being that he is 4 years old his words don’t carry much weight but he appears to mean it as much as he is capable of understanding complex emotions. 

Kun’s journey will be about learning to accept the world as it is and not as he wants it to be and that journey is filled with wonder and imagination. Having had a fight with his mother, Kun retreats to his backyard which finds overtaken by a bizarre fantasy world. Here, Kun meets his dog Yuko, but in human form. Yuko tells Kun that he felt the same way about Kun when he came along and replaced Yuko as the center of the parent’s world. 

Yuko, being the soul of a dog, doesn’t have much insight beyond what I just mentioned but he’s mostly a way of introducing these remarkable fantasy sequences. The standouts of the fantasy sequences come when Kun meets Mirai from the future, as a teenage girl. Mirai needs Kun’s help because she can’t be seen by their dad. The consequences are unseen on screen but the sense of the dangers of time travel are brushed over in a lovely, writerly way. 

Kun has two more huge encounters that will help him to shape who he will become but I won’t reveal those here, you need to see the movie. These formative daydreams have an urgency and vitality that is missing from many of modern Hollywood’s animated creations, outside of Pixar, of course. The dreamy animation and the loosely flowing story that floats in time and, in one beautiful scene, floats in space spreading a sort of euphoria over the audience as it goes. 

The animation of Mirai is first rate and the English language cast is first rate. John Cho voices Kun’s father and Rebecca Hall is the voice of Kun’s mother. Hall’s ability to communicate warmth and tenderness and be almost comically cruel can be a tad jarring but there is a reason for her unique portrayal that comes out in another fantasy sequence, equally a must see as the others I have alluded to. 

Mirai is showing as a limited engagement in the Quad Cities this weekend and will be made available for on-demand streaming in a few weeks.

Movie Review Please Give

Please Give (2010) 

Directed by Nicole Holofcener 

Written by Nicole Holofcener 

Starring Rebecca Hall, Catherine Keener, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt 

Release Date April 30th, 2010 

Published August 12th, 2010 

Writer-Director Nicole Holofcener “Please Give” is one of the best movies of 2010. This wonderfully warm, human drama/comedy about people struggling to better themselves and connect with others, striving and failing and striving again is so relatable and revealing of not just its characters but its audience it should be taught in humanities classes.

Katherine Keener, star of all of Me. Holofcener's movies, stars in “Please Give” as Cathy, the proprietor of a furniture store that specializes in buying the furniture of dead people from grieving families who don't realize the value of what they are selling. Naturally, there is a little bit of guilt attached to this ghoulish profession, guilt that is compounded by another ghoulish enterprise in her life.

Cathy and her husband Alex have purchased the apartment next door to their own, an apartment that is currently inhabited by Andra (Ann Guilbert) a 90 something year old woman in not so great health. Cathy and Alex are essentially waiting for the old woman to kick off so they can knock down a wall and expand their space. Cathy feels horrible about this and her guilt is again compounded by Andra's doting granddaughter Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) who in her standoffishness tacitly calls out Cathy's ghoulishness.

Cathy attempts to alleviate her guilt by becoming a volunteer. She tries helping out at a retirement home and is overcome by the sadness of people waiting to die. She tries helping out kids with autism and again she is overwhelmed. In a powerful scene that defies description of its emotional power Keener breaks your heart, hiding in a bathroom stall. It's one of a number of small moments that make Please Give so remarkable.

Parallel to Cathy's story is Rebecca's story. Lonely and sad, Rebecca waits on her unappreciative granny and watches the world go by. Rebecca's sister Mary (Amanda Peet) is far less circumspect in relation to grandma, dismissing the old woman and callously waits for the old woman to croak so that she can be done with the whole thing.

Peet has a masterfully awkward scene when she, Rebecca and grandma are invited over to Cathy and Alex's apartment for dinner. Peet's indelicate questions about just what renovations will happen in the apartment once grandma is gone, right in front of grandma, make for dark humor and set Peet up for scenes later in the film that will resonate deeper. You can assume that she will be humiliated and redeemed but you must see these scenes to truly get the impact.

Much of “Please Give” defies a basic description. The acting is so wonderfully subtle and un-dramatic. The shifts in tone come in glances and nods and not in emotional breakdowns and obvious speeches. There is nothing wrong with a good monologue, mind you, but the material in “Please Give” doesn't call for it, even when you might be expecting it. Nicole Holofcener's amazing talent in “Please Give” is recognizing exactly what each scene needs on a basic dramatic level and allowing the actors space to give the perfunctory something beyond the words. With a cast this brilliant it makes Holofcener's gift seem minimal but it's more that it just doesn't play as obvious.

Catherine Keener and Rebecca Hall deliver Oscar quality performances in “Please Give.” In her longing to be a better person, her faults and her failures, Keener finds a place she's never been before on screen. Rebecca Hall stuns in “Please Give” with her remarkable vulnerability. The notes that Hall plays in “Please Give” are delicate and graceful and far more intricate than I can describe. So much of “Please Give” is subtle and minimalist and should be left to you as a viewer to discover. I will merely say again that “Please Give” is one of the best movies of 2010 and urge you to seek it out.

Movie Review: Babel

Babel (2006) 

Directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

Written by Guillermo Arriaga

Starring Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gael Garcia Bernal, Rinko Kikuchi 

Release Date October 27th, 2006 

Published November 24th, 2006 

Writer Guillermo Arriaga and director Alejandro Gonzalez-Inarritu are the masters of oppressive atmospherics. Their films have an enveloping sadness that makes early German expressionism seem downright giddy in comparison. Amores Perros and 28 Grams are both exceptionally well made and involving films but neither is an experience that most film goers can take more than once.

The same could be said of their latest, and allegedly final, teaming the towering drama Babel. This multi-arc drama about the fabric of life woven across borders is an overwhelmingly sad experience. Ostensibly the travels of one weapon and the lives it destroys, Babel follows the path of violence, racism and loneliness around the globe in one fascinating and wearying film.

This review contains spoiler information. I recommend you see Babel before reading this review.

In Morocco an American couple, Richard (Brad Pitt) and Susan (Cate Blanchett) are on a vacation with a lot of subtext. Susan doesn't want to be here, Richard can't imagine being anywhere else because anywhere else would remind him of the pain back home. The two lost a child and blame each other for it. The pettiness that followed the child's death has driven what would seem to be an insurmountable wedge between them.

In one fell swoop however all of Richard and Susan's problems become meaningless. Traveling on a bus in the midst of the desert; a bullet pierces the window next to Susan striking her in the shoulder. Bleeding heavily and with the only hospital four hours away on this creaky old bus, Richard and the traveling interpreter Anwar (Mohammed Akhzam) make the rash decision to head to a tiny Moroccan village, Anwar's home, where a veterinarian is the only available doctor. They will wait there as international intrigue and red tape hold up a rescue by the American embassy.

Back in Richard and Susan's home, their two remaining children are being cared for by their nanny, Amelia (Adriana Barraza). Her son is getting married and she has plans to be there but with Susan being shot, mom and dad will not make it home any time soon. In a rash decision, after exhausting all other possibilities, Amelia decides to take the children with her to Mexico for the wedding. A fateful decision given her hotheaded nephew Santiago (Gael Garcia Bernal) and his penchant for trouble.

Just watching the way Santiago carries himself on the drive to the wedding, and at the wedding, you can sense trouble coming and as they wait to cross the border back to America, Santiago, slightly inebriated and carrying a weapon he doesn't want found, you can see the trouble coming and it leads to a drawn out series of heart rending scenes that find Amelia and two young children wandering in the desert before sunrise in search of the border.

The connections between those stories are clear as are the consequences. The third of the stories told in Babel has only a tenuous connection to the rest. Rinko Kikuchi plays Chieko a deaf mute teenager in Japan whose mother has died, an apparent suicide, and her father Yasujiro (Koji Yakusho) is absent. Chieko is obsessed with sex and is  adventurous in the ways only an inexperienced teenager can be.

Chieko's father provides the link to the other stories, his own trip to Morocco and to leave as a gift for his guide, a Winchester rifle, is the catalyst of the whole story. The rifle falls into the hands of a pair of very young goat herders Yussef (Boubker Ait El Caid) and his brother Ahmed (Said Tarchani) and as they childishly test the weapons power and distance; they touch off an international wave that soon consumes them and everyone else.

The multi-layered stories told in Babel are filled with sadness, heartbreak, redemption and humanity. Gonzalez-Inirritu and Arriaga craft a story that while it is extraordinarily well told, it is also oppressive in its sadness and human tragedy. Yes, the sadness and tragedy reveal truths about humanity and love but the journey is arduous and not one you will likely want to take again.

Of the performances, the bravest is young Rinko Kikuchi's who reveals so much of herself, emotionally and physically, that her presence becomes unnerving with every appearance. Though her connection to the plot is tenuous her overall disconnection in her life, through her impairment and her emotional state, she becomes a metaphorical conduit for the the disconnectedness of the other characters in the film.

While Cate Blanchett's role is limited by her character's injury, Brad Pitt as her husband has a number of meaty moments and nails each one of them. Pitt has always been a star but in Babel Pitt shows a maturity that is more than just his newly graying temples. Stripped of his charm, his model perfect features masked by an ugly salt and pepper beard, Pitt is a real human being in Babel rather than the movie god of the past. It's a transformative performance and a potential academy award nominee.

Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inirritu is so observant of his characters and so delicate in telling their stories that his films can kind of sneak up on you emotionally and devastate you more with unexpectedness than most other films. His gentle observation is given an edge by a propellant story by Guillermo Arriaga that moves inexorably towards tragedy. Every step of the way feels inevitable even as we silently call out to these characters to make different choices, the choices that are made are fated and that much more powerful in demonstrating the characters powerlessness.

Babel is a movie of such profound, claustrophobic, sadness that  to assign popcorn entertainment aspects to it seems a futile, almost disrespectful thing. The most appealing thing about the film, the reason to see the film, is for the performances. This exceptionally talented cast will be a big part of the Oscar telecast in February.

I have already praised Rinko Kikiuchi's brave and revealing performance. Her main competition in the Best Supporting Actress race is likely to be co-star Adriana Barraza whose Amelia makes wrong decisions from the first moment but still manages to win your sympathy. No matter the circumstance, son's wedding or no, there is no way to justify her taking those two very young children to Mexico, and yet Barraza makes us understand this decision and easily holds our sympathy as things spin tragically out of control.

If I have one issue with Babel it is the Jobian sadness heaped on Pitt and Blanchett's characters. They are a married couple who are on vacation recovering from the loss of a child when Blanchett is shot. As she is in surgery in Morocco, her remaining children are facing grave danger in the desert border between Mexico and America. Are we to believe that such tragedy could be heaped on one family in such a short time? It's a minor quibble and the drama and storytelling being as strong as they are make it easy to forgive.

Babel is oppressively sad and not a movie you will likely experience more than once. As an experience however, it is more than worth having once. Well acted, written and directed, Babel is an almost certain Oscar contender so if you are a fan of Hollywood's biggest night you will want to have seen the movie that will likely over-populate the acting categories. Babel is an extraordinary film for fans of great drama and great filmmaking. If an experience of near un-ending tragedy and heart wrenching sadness is not the kind of moviegoing experience you want, then I would not recommend Babel.

Movie Review: Ad Astra

Ad Astra (2019)

Directed by James Grey

Written by James Grey, Ethan Gross

Starring Brad Pitt, Donald Sutherland, Ruth Negga, Tommy Lee Jones, Liv Tyler 

Release Date September 20th, 2019 

Published September 19th, 2019

Ad Astra stars Brad Pitt as astronaut Roy McBride. We meet Roy as he is working on what appears to be the International Space Station or some approximation of such. The station is just above the atmosphere of the Earth, something that becomes urgently important when the station is struck by some sort of energy surge. As the station begins to explode, Roy is sent hurtling back to the Earth. 

By some miracle, Roy survives and upon his rather brief recuperation, he is brought into a secretive meeting of military brass. The men in this meeting inform Roy about a secret mission involving Roy’s father, Dr Clifford McBride, that sent him to what was believed to be his death on a space station near Neptune, the farthest that man has ever travelled in space. Roy was told that his father had died but here, he is told that his father may be alive and his survival is related to these energy surges that now endanger all of mankind. 

The military men want Roy to leave everything behind and travel to Mars where he will, via an American-Martian outpost, be able to send his father a message that they hope will help to stop these energy surges. It’s a lengthy journey and there are many things about his father and his mission that Roy is not yet aware of. One man who does know is Col Thomas Pruitt (Donald Sutherland). Despite his advanced age, Pruitt is to escort Roy on his mission and carry with him a secretive agenda. 

To say much more about the plot of Ad Astra would be to give away too much of this exceptional story. Directed and co-written by James Gray, the underrated auteur behind the brilliant Lost City of Z and The Immigrant, Ad Astra continues a remarkable hot streak for the director. Gray is a director who chooses challenging subjects and attacks them from unique angles. It’s been a hallmark of his work and it continues with the unusual journey of Ad Astra. 

Ad Astra carries influences as varied and fascinating as Apocalypse Now and 2001 A Space Odyssey. Ad Astra lacks the bold un-commerciality of 2001, but for being more straight-forward than 2001, it retains some of the artistic touches of Kubrick’s legendary adventure including a colorful visual palette, a deliberate pace, and a deep respect for space travel. I know that making such a comparison is big but aside from being a good deal more mainstream in ambition, the 2001 comparison is reasonable in terms of the remarkable artistry and care on display. 

The Apocalypse Now comparison is far more typical as Marlon Brando delivered the definitive crazed man of authority in that Francis Ford Coppola masterwork. Tommy Lee Jones in Ad Astra however, earns that comparison. Jones is electric in the role of Brad Pitt’s father, a driven and desperate man on a mission. Jones has been great in any number of roles but I dare say this role exceeds even his greatest work in No Country for Old Men and his Academy Award winning performance in The Fugitive. 

Yes, you can infer that issues of fathers and sons permeate the story of Ad Astra. The issues of loyalty, duty, love and resentment are sewn into this story. These issues underline the action throughout and bring depth and a compelling emotionality to a movie that from time to time can feel as remote as the space wherein it exists. Brad Pitt and Tommy Lee Jones have a tremendous chemistry but it’s the ways in which writer-director James Gray weaves them together when they aren’t on screen together that make Ad Astra so remarkably compelling. 

Ad Astra is one of my favorite movies of 2019. The film ranks next to another ingenious and brilliantly artistic Brad Pitt movie, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood as one of the best in an underrated 2019 at the movies. Brad Pitt went away for a little while, if you follow the tabloids you know he had some issues to overcome, and the time away from the spotlight has sharpened his gifts and helped to hone his eye for movies with great moments. 

Ad Astra is filled with incredible moments that culminate in a final act that is one of my favorites of the year. The final act of Ad Astra is exciting, unexpected and filled with dramatic energy. It’s a perfect ending for a strange often off-kilter movie with a very unique energy and suspense. I adore the third act of Ad Astra and would put it up against the third act of any movie of the last decade or indeed the movies I have compared it to already in this review. 

I am perhaps heaping too much praise on Ad Astra. I am risking hyping the movie to a degree that it may not be able to achieve for you, those who’ve not yet seen it. So be it, I think Ad Astra is deserving of my over-praise. The movie is exceptional and a must-see.

Movie Review: Troy

Troy (2004) 

Directed by Wolfgang Peterson

Written by David Benioff

Starring Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Diane Kruger, Brian Cox, Sean Bean, Peter O'Toole

Release Date May 14th, 2004

Published May 13th, 2004 

In this day and age, when you say Homer everyone thinks Simpson. It wasn't always that way. Years ago, colleges turned out erudite intellectuals who quoted the great poet Homer from "The Iliad" or "The Odyssey.” Maybe those people still exist but today more people can quote Homer Simpson than Homer the poet and the new Wolfgang Peterson epic Troy is not likely to change that. This bombastic, outsized blockbuster has the appeal of Brad Pitt and the scope of an age old epic but it lacks the soul of the poet who's work it attempts to revive.

Brad Pitt stars as Achilles, the greatest warrior in history. Though Achilles claims to have no allegiances, he fights for the money of King Agamemnon (Brian Cox). With Achilles’ sword, Agamemnon has conquered several kingdoms and his reach dominates the Greek kingdoms surrounding the Aegean Sea. Save for that of King Priam of Sparta (Peter O'Toole).

It seems that Sparta is unattainable even for someone as powerful as Agamemnon. Even the great king's brother Menelaus (Brendon Gleeson) has acceded that Sparta can't be taken, even going so far as to broker peace with King Priam's sons Hector (Eric Bana) and Paris (Orlando Bloom). The peace accord however is short lived when Paris takes a liking to Menelaus' wife Helen (Diane Kruger) and spirits her away to Sparta.

This development finally gives Agamemnon all the reason he needed to sack the last kingdom that stands in the way of his dominance. However, to take Sparta, a grand feat given Sparta's legendary impregnable walls, Agamemnon must once again call on Achilles to lead his armies. Achilles does not want to fight for Agamemnon no matter what the offer but does finally agree after a visit from his good friend Odysseus (Sean Bean) who promises something more valuable than riches, eternal glory.

That is the setup for massive CGI battles and a great deal of melodramatic speechifying. In all of the film’s nearly three-hour length there are pieces of three different full length movies edited together into Troy and only one of them would be any good. That is the story of Achilles who in the person of Brad Pitt is a charismatic and dangerous presence. Pitt's Achilles is powerful but conflicted and that makes him inherently dramatic. A film about Achilles would be terrific.

The story of Helen and Paris also has the potential as a stand-alone story. The story has love, passion and a great deal of drama. Cut up as it is here to make room for two other parallel stories, it loses impact. Helen is the reason that Sparta is about to be overrun in the greatest war of all time, therefore her importance to Paris needs more time to develop. Why would Paris risk his family and in fact an entire kingdom for her? We never really know. As it is in Troy, the love story comes off as the selfish petulance of a childish boy and his desperate crush.

The final story is the most poorly developed and that is the story of Eric Bana's Hector. It's not the fault of Bana who is a strong presence, nearly the equal of Pitt. Nearly. Hector's story is far more dramatic than what we see here. His conflicts with his father King Priam are given short shrift and Hector's only character traits are heroism. Hector is hardly ever conflicted, he has no great story arc. He begins as a hero and continues through the film as a hero beyond reproach.

In adapting Homer's epic poem, screenwriter David Benioff had to make a number of dramatic sacrifices including some I already mentioned and one that may be the most troublesome sacrifice of the film. In The Iliad, the Gods of Mount Olympus gave the conflict it's context, they provided motivation beyond the grandiose, nation chest-bumping that Agamemnon uses as motivation here. The meddling God's protected Achilles and gave his dramatic ending a bigger payoff.

There are two reasons for the excising of the God's from Troy. First, there just wasn't enough time to fit them in. The film is just too long to add any more characters, especially characters as outsized as the Gods. Secondly, and don't underestimate this one because this may be the real reason, the bad memories of Sir Laurence Olivier's screen chewing menace in Clash Of The Titans. Love or hate Clash, there is no denying the cheeseball nature of all of the scenes involving the Gods.

Director Wolfgang Peterson is a technician as a director. As his budgets have grown his love of technological filmmaking has overcome his sense of story and character. I say that as a criticism but I must also state that as a technician he is a terrific director. Technology however is not what is most appealing about a film. As George Lucas has shown, you can have all of the technology in the world and still not make a movie that engages. Dazzle the eye all day but if you can't reach the heart or mind, you have no movie. Brad Pitt engages both with his tremendous performance but little else in Troy rises to his level. 

Movie Review Inglorious Basterds

Inglorious Basterds (2009) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Til Schweiger, Diane Kruger, Melanie Laurent, Michael Fassbender

Release Date August 21st, 2009 

Published August 20th, 2009 

Quentin Tarentino is now 5 for 5 in making masterpieces. The writer-director has nailed it out of the park with each movie he has made and his latest, Inglorious Basterds, is arguably his best work yet. Wildly violent, irreverent and strangely humorous, Inglorious Basterds reimagines World War 2 history with the kind of blood and guts guile that only Tarentino could muster.

Inglourious Basterds tells a story on two tracks. In one story a Jewish woman, Shoshanna (Melanie Laurent), escapes the murder of her family and seeks vengeance on the Nazis. In the other story a group of American Jewish soldiers are dropped behind enemy lines in Nazi controlled Paris under orders to kill and maim as many Nazi soldiers as they can. Boy, do they ever.

The Basterds, as they call themselves, are a bloodthirsty lot. Led by Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) the Basterds seek scalps, literally they scalp Nazis. Raine came to be known as 'the apache'. Another member of the Bastards becomes the fearful 'Bear Jew'. He's played by horror director Eli Roth who brings the same vicious streak demonstrated in his Hostel film series to a role that has him beating Nazis to death with a baseball bat. I have always suspected that Roth enjoyed his brutality, Inglorious Basterds provides the visual evidence.

Another of the Bastards is too brutal for a nickname. He is Stiglitz (Til Schweiger) a former German soldier who, despite not even being Jewish, began beheading Nazis for fun. Stiglitz is such a badass that the movie pauses to pay tribute to him with a montage narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

The two stories of Inglorious Basterds collide when Shoshanna, now living in Paris under an assumed name and running a movie theater, gets her opportunity for vengeance with, of all things, the premiere of a German propaganda film at her theater. She plans to burn the place down with all of the Nazis inside. Meanwhile, the Basterds also plan on being at the movie premiere, especially after hearing that the Fuhrer himself will be attending.

The plot of Inglorious Basterds also makes room for a British Film Critic turned soldier (Michael Fassbender), and a German movie star (Diane Kruger) turned spy who help the Bastards get into the movie premiere. Trust me when I tell you that you will be surprised at the fates of each of these exceptionally well drawn characters.

Of course, a Quentin Tarentino movie is as much about a strong plot as it is about style and Inglorious Basterds is no different. Though the tone is a muddled mix of dark violence and darker comedy, Inglorious Basterds is, in classic Tarentino style, also a talky, literate, cinematic homage to all the movies QT loves. Stylish in the strangest ways, there are moments in Inglorious Basterds that approach elegance, especially scenes set in that gorgeous Parisian movie theater.

Brad Pitt is the headliner of one knockout cast. In one of the least glamorous roles since his redneck debut in Thelma & Louise, Pitt shows the ease and charm of a huge movie star and the grit of a classically Tarentino hero. Combining a dark sense of humor with the witty candor of Tarentino, Pitt surprises at every turn and is the glue of the movie.

But, Brad Pitt is far from the only standout. Christoph Waltz is Oscar Worthy as the Nazi known as the Jew Hunter. Daniel Bruhl also strikes all the right notes as a humble Nazi war hero turned propaganda movie star, and newcomer Melanie Laurent is a real scene stealer as Shoshanna whose revenge on the Nazis is a real cinematic treat.

Quentin Tarentino tames a wildly irreverent story by directing the violence, dark humor and endless talk as one giant symphony. His graceful movements from violence to verbiage are almost elegant in their ease and flow. Where some would argue that Tarentino's chapter to chapter style in Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bill movies could be choppy and disjointed, that same style rolls effortlessly in Inglorious Basterds. Wildly violent and yet smooth in its way, Inglourious Basterds is Quentin Tarentino at his auteurist best. Few directors have a style all their own, Tarentino is one the few and arguably the best working today.

Movie Review The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) 

Directed by David Fincher 

Written by Eric Roth 

Starring Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Mahershala Ali, Taraji P. Henson, Tilda Swinton, Juliette Binoche

Release Date December 25th, 2008

Published December 23rd, 2008

It is extraordinary what technology can do in the movies these days. In The Curious Case of Benjamin Button 45 year old Brad Pitt ages from a little old man to a youth ripe teenager before our eyes. It's stunning really and yet still remote. That is the nature of modern special effects. For all the genius and wonder, technology will never be able to replace one person relating to another on the most human levels.

Brad Pitt does what he can with the role that is given him in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's unfortunate that beyond the technology, there isn't a whole lot there. In 1918 a baby boy was born and seemed as if he should have died. He was aged, infirmed. He had cataracts and arthritis. He was abandoned by his father on the doorstep of an old folks home where the kindly nurse Queenie (Taraji P. Henson) took him in. He wasn't supposed to live through the night.

Several years later Benjamin is a little boy with all of the wonder of youth but he looked like a man in his 60's. When Benjamin was 13 years old he met Daisy Fuller. She was a few years younger but her keen intuition told her that Benjamin was somehow no different than herself. They became friends and every weekend, when Daisy came to visit her grandmother, they would play together.

When he turned 17 Benjamin took a job on a tugboat under Captain Mike (Jared Harris). Benjamin went all over the globe. In Russia he had his first kiss. He went on to war and eventually back to New Orleans. He and Daisy would reconnect and their love story is the centerpiece of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The most curious thing about Benjamin Button is that nothing much interesting happens to him. Yes, he went around the world but we don't see much of his travels. We see him in Russia but most of those scenes are spent in a hotel lobby. He went to war and was part of a notably sad incident but if you are waiting to see it play out as an aspect of his life and you will be left waiting awhile.

As written, the character of Benjamin Button is a blank screen in front of which colorful characters pass and are soon forgotten. Brad Pitt's contribution is his handsome visage which begins weathered under heavy makeup and CGI and slowly becomes more perfect and handsome. I know some will not require much more of Mr. Pitt but I did. This is a character filled with possibility and Mr. Pitt doesn't seem to explore the space. He remains a blank screen, only becoming active in a few scenes where he and Cate Blanchett send each other smoldering gazes. They are smoking hot together but again, I needed something more.

Cate Blanchett on the other hand smolders and suffers and delivers the one truly in depth performance in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Under extensive amounts of makeup, Blanchett and Julia Ormond as her daughter slowly recall the story of Benjamin from his diary. Blanchett is then seen as a young ballerina with porcelain skin that would shame Edward Cullen in sunlight. Blanchett is radiant and carrying almost all of the film's dramatic burden she damn near makes the movie work. Sadly, Pitt's blank slate and a script by Eric Roth that turns Benjamin into an old man version of Forrest Gump, leaves Ms. Blanchett dancing all by herself.

Director David Fincher is an artist beyond reproach. The way he melds the CGI and the real world is astonishing. Even more impressive are the scenes he creates with little help from the computers. A scene where Ms. Blanchett is seen dancing on an empty stage while attempting to entice Benjamin into their first trust is unbelievably beautiful. It's a scene that will be part of my memory for the rest of my life, even as the movie as a whole will fade relatively quickly.

There are breathtaking images in Benjamin Button which lay the uninvolving story all the more bare. I went in hoping to get some insight into a very unique character and left knowing what I knew about Benjamin Button when I came in. He is a boy who ages backwards. That alone is notable but how does it really affect him? What is his inner life like? The screenwriters never figured that out. What's left are a series of images and colorful supporting players and little to no insight into the man whose name is in the title.

Movie Review The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

Directed by Andrew Dominik 

Written by Andrew Dominik

Starring Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Sam Shepard, Mary Louise Parker, Jeremy Renner, Sam Rockwell, Zoey Deschanel

Release Date September 21st, 2007 

Published September 21st, 2007 

Few actors are as charismatic and in control as Brad Pitt. His handsomeness causes some to underestimate his talent. Pitt uses this to his advantage and almost constantly surprises. For his latest film, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford,  Pitt uses this audience bias to great advantage. As the legendary outlaw Jesse James, Pitt oozes charisma and draws us into this meandering, off-kilter art film.

That it doesn't quite work in the end is not Pitt's fault as much as director Andrew Dominic's overly ambitious artiness.

You could, if you were prone to being flippant, call The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford -Jesse The E True Hollywood Story-. Jesse was among America's very first celebrities with his every move documented in front page headlines and in books. He was often received by fans when he arrived in a new town.

That Jesse was a thief and a cold blooded killer doesn't change his perception even in our modern culture filled with celebs who don't murder the innocent. In a day and age where serial killers receive repeated marriage proposals behind bars, Jesse James would likely be an even bigger star than in his own time as an infamous outlaw.

Another strange connection between Jesse and modern celebrity culture is how his celebrity played a role in his death. An obsessed fan, Robert Ford (Casey Affleck), took James' life after not finding the man a match for the legend he worshiped. Paranoid with an explosive temper and a deep dislike for anyone outside his family, Jesse was not really meant for worship. If that isn't the wrap up of an E True Hollywood Story then what is?

Add to this celeb culture stew the fact that Jesse James is played by uber-celebrity Brad Pitt and the mind reels with the synergy of such a cultural clash. All flippancy aside, for a moment, The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford is quite a lovely looking movie. Director Andrew Dominik, with the aid of legendary cinematographer Roger Deakins, crafts a number of striking visuals. In fact,  throughout the film you can see where Dominik got lost in the scenery and forgot about telling his story.

There is so much fat on The Assassination of Jesse James that two movies likely could have been cut from what Andrew Dominik shot. Dominick's original cut of the film was actually over 4 hours long. He never planned on trying to release it at that length but that did not stanch rumors of a troubled production. In fact the film has been in the can since 2005 following battles between Dominik and the studio as to just how long the film could be. For once the studio was right and remained so even after the final cut which could be improved with a few more edits.

Brad Pitt remains, even in a meandering art-fest like this one, an electric presence. Jesse James has the lightning presence that was the legend of Jesse James but it is the anger, paranoia and frightening fragility in Pitt's performance that is truly riveting. As he did in Babel and to a lesser extent in Troy, Pitt captures the essence of heartache and turns it out at the audience in waves. On the other hand, there are also occasional flashes of that easygoing Ocean's 11 charm that shows how Jesse James could invite so much loyalty and worship.

Casey Affleck delivers quite ably in the very difficult role of the star struck Robert Ford. A perennial child, Robert Ford was the runt of his family. His defining characteristic was his desperate worship of Jesse James. His devotion won him a few moments in his hero's presence and the realization of the classic cliché 'be careful what you wish for'. Jesse James may not mind being worshiped but he was not above abusing that worship.

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford has moments that are rich and haunting and quite powerful. The problem is the journey which is overloaded with too much scenery and too little focus on what made these characters who they were. We get essences, ideas of who these men are. Unfortunately, Dominik is distracted by his scenery, overdose on a number of scenes and repeats others. A tighter edit could have made for a far more focused and fascinating film.

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford is a maddening mess of a movie. There is a very good film buried somewhere beneath the mountains of film that director Andrew Dominik shot. Sadly, Dominik just didn't have the distance from the material to step away and allow someone else to cut the film a little more closely.

There is a masterpiece buried somewhere in all of this celluloid though we will likely never see it. The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford will go down as one of the great ambitious misfires in history.

Movie Review Race to Witch Mountain

Race to Witch Mountain (2009) 

Directed by Andy Fickman

Written by Matt Lopez, Mark Bomback 

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Alexander Ludwig, Anna Sophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Ciaran Hinds

Release Date March 13th, 2009 

Published March 12th, 2009 

The live action family movie is not an easy business. Getting past cheap laughs and cheese ball plots have been a challenge that few movies can stand. The best in the business are of course the folks at Disney. Sure they have as many misses (The Pacifier) as they have live action family hits (?) but they keep plugging away at it. And now they have a real home run hit.

Race To Witch Mountain is a reimagining of 1977's Escape To Witch Mountain. That film was a campy romp starring Eddie Albert, a motor home, and Bette Davis in one of the final roles of her career, long long long after her glory years. Escape and the sequel Return To Witch Mountain have cultivated a small but loyal fanbase over the years for both the earnest good nature of each and the high levels of kitsch.

The new Witch Mountain loses some of the kitsch but retains much of the camp, but most of all it captures the earnest popcorn movie entertainment that is likely to cultivate a whole new group of fans. Dwayne Johnson stars in Race To Witch Mountain as Jack Bruno, an ex-con gone straight arrow now working as a cab driver. One day, while a sci-fi convention takes over much of Las Vegas, Jack finds a couple of teenagers, Seth and Sara (Alexander Ludwig and Anna Sophia Robb), in the back of his cab. The kids ask him to drive them into the middle of the desert.

Once there, concerned for their safety, Jack follows them into a creepy secluded cabin where inside they are attacked by what looks like a spaceman. Once they are safe the kids break the news that indeed that was a spaceman and that they themselves are from outer space. Jack is naturally skeptical but he comes around after the kids use their unique powers to evade capture by government agents led by Agent Henry Burke (Ciaran Hinds). Think of Burke as the anti-Mulder, he is out to capture the kids for experimentation and possible extermination.

Eventually, Jack seeks the help of an alien expert, Dr. Alex Friedman (Carla Gugino) who helps them locate the one place in the country where the government could hide Seth and Sara's captured spaceship. With the government and the evil spaceman on their tail, Jack Alex and the kids have to get to Witch Mountain before it's too late.

What is so great about Race To Witch Mountain is the overall sense of wonder. The film treats aliens as a little kid might, with awe and wonder. While adults are long ago jaded by the idea of spaceships and aliens, kids' imaginations are still stoked by them and Race to Witch Mountain is the rare movie to keep that kid's awe and wonder intact.

The script by Matt Lopez and Mark Bomback is without cynicism and condescension. Sure, it's cheesy and often highly convenient but we aren't weighing the merits of a Coen Brothers Oscar contender here. Race To Witch Mountain is not Slumdog Millionaire or Milk. This is a live action kids movie that is out to satisfy the visceral energies of small children. We have to adjust our standards here. Director Andy Fickman directs Race To Witch Mountain at a high pitch and super quick pace. Fickman thrusts us right into the action and keeps this light and fun through car chases, alien fights and daring escapes. The energetic tone is reminiscent of the great action comedies from when I was a kid.

Movies like Goonies and Back To The Future and Raiders of the Lost Ark are part of how I came to love going to the movies and Race To Witch Mountain brought back those feelings for me. I can imagine an 8 or 9 year old kid in this day and age watching Race to Witch Mountain and making that same thrilling discovery. I'm not kidding folks, Race To Witch Mountain is that much fun.

A huge part of that fun is Dwayne Johnson. He was once called The Rock but a better nickname would be the natural. Ever since making the leap from wrestler to movie star, Dwayne Johnson has just gotten better and better. The man oozes charm and charisma from every pore.

Johnson's talent for action heroics and self deprecating asides are unmatched by any actor of his genre. Without Johnson in the lead, Race To Witch Mountain would likely wilt under the glare of its many plot conveniences and cheese ball action and stunts. With Johnson those same elements are glossed over by the fact that we are having such a good time with him.

Race To Witch Mountain is a pure joy. It's Goofy and good natured popcorn movie fun that the whole family will love. Ugh, I know, that sounded like a quote for the poster but so be it, this film is worth the price of the cliché.

Movie Review Reno 911 Miami

Reno 911 Miami (2007) 

Directed by Robert Ben Garant

Written by Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon, Kerri Kenney Silver 

Starring Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Kerri Kenney Silver 

Release Date February 23rd, 2007 

Published February 23rd, 2007 

Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant are the team behind some of the worst screenplays in the past decade. The Pacifier, Taxi, Night at the Museum, Let's Go To Prison amongst others, ugh. The screenplay is simply not their forte. As they demonstrate on Comedy Central's inspired improv series Reno 911, Lennon and Garant's talent lies in spontaneity and invention. In the comic moment they know where to find the joke.

Now, with Reno 911 Miami, Lennon and Garant finally have an example of their talent on the big screen. Now if we can just convince them to stop writing screenplays.

The cops of the Reno police department are incompetent goofs whose days are spent chasing naked meth freaks and shooting at loose chickens. This ragtag bunch has never been a respected group of cops which makes their invitation to the national police convention in Miami something of a surprise. That is until they get to the part where it says every cop in the country is invited.

Hopping a bus to Miami the Reno sheriff's arrive to find they have no reservations and end up at a flea pit motel where... well the less said about what happens in the following scene the better. The following day when our heroes attempt to attend the cops convention they find the building sealed off by homeland security. Every cop in Miami is inside that building leaving only the Reno cops to step in and patrol the streets.

That is the setup of what is, essentially just an extended episode of the TV series. The cops get cool new Miami Sheriffs uniforms, new vehicles to destroy and wholly new ways to demonstrate their incompetence. Directed by Garant with scenarios written by Lennon and fellow cast member Kerri Kenney, Reno 911 Miami is not exactly groundbreaking but it is pretty funny.

Sloughing off the strict rules of cable television the Reno crew indulges their basest instincts. From foul language to nudity to some truly horrifying sexual situations, the Reno crew really indulges in the freedom of the R-rating, something they can't take full advantage of on TV.

The best moments of Reno 911 Miami are the star cameos. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, comedian Patton Oswalt and a nearly unrecognizable Paul Rudd each are allowed some of the biggest laughs in the film. Rudd especially has a few big moments as a Miami drug lord who randomly kidnaps the Reno cops to warn them not to investigate him, something they had not been doing anyway.

Reno 911 is a funny TV show that really didn't need a theatrical feature. As a feature it's just as funny as an average episode of the TV show only with a little extra on the bathroom humor and the language. The R-rating isn't exactly a plus, often on the TV show the bleeping was as funny as any curse that might be uttered.

Fans of the TV series will be more than satisfied with this feature length version. For the uninitiated, Reno 911 Miami will provide a few big laughs but nothing they couldn't see on Comedy Central 3 or 4 times a week.

Movie Review Rampage

Rampage (2018) 

Directed by Brad Peyton

Written by Carlton Cuse, Ryan Engle, Ryan J. Condal, Adam Sztykiel

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Malin Akerman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Naomie Harris 

Release Date April 13th, 2018 

Published April 12th, 2018 

Rampage stars Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as Primatologist, Dr. Davis Okoye. A former military officer, Davis specialized in battling poachers in Africa. That’s where Davis met his best friend, George (Jason Liles, in full motion capture), a giant white ape. Davis brought George to America to keep him away from poachers who would pay a hefty price for such a rare creature. Over the years, George became a leader and he and Davis developed communication via sign language.

The plot kicks in when a plane carrying an experimental serum belonging to an evil corporation that specializes in… being evil, crashes, it exposes George and several other animals to the evil serum and causes them to grow out of control. Aside from George, the evil serum affects a wolf that develops the ability to fly and a crocodile that eventually swims across the country, even where there isn’t a large body of water, to enact destruction upon Chicago. 

The evil corporation, I assume, intends to weaponize the animals afflicted by the serum. When they turn on a beacon on top of their evil skyscraper it sends out a signal to the now monstrously over-sized animals that causes them to go crazy and make a mad dash for Chicago. Only Davis and a former scientist for the evil corporation, Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris), can stop the animals from destroying Chicago… in a Rampage. Ha! 

Rampage sounds like a lot of fun, in description. Unfortunately, as directed by Brad Peyton, director of the equally forgettably competent, San Andreas, it’s merely a movie that exists. Rampage has no personality, no life, no charm. Everything in the movie is in frame, it looks professional and the CGI is well-produced. Competency however, is only part of a good movie and Rampage is missing those other essential qualities. 

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is one of the most entertaining movie stars of recent times and yet even his charm can’t bring Rampage to life. Like his performance in the recent flop Skyscraper, The Rock’s performance is muted, he doesn’t go for the jokes and appears to be taking the silliness of Rampage far too seriously. There are too many scenes that appear to be going for action movie suspense when they should be going for the kind of goofball, comic thrills The Rock gets in his Fast and Furious franchise. 

Malin Akerman, Jake Lacy and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays a wacky CIA Agent, on the other hand, as opposed to The Rock, appear to know what movie they are in. Though they don’t achieve much flying in the face of the overly serious direction and score, the three supporting players try hard to bring laughs to their roles. These three get that a movie with giant animals on a ‘Rampage’ in a big city is not something to be taken too seriously. 

Morgan is unquestionably the best thing about Rampage, aside from the terrific creature effects. Morgan is grinning and giggling throughout Rampage and affects a bizarre drawl that is laughably over the top. Morgan’s looseness and giant grin are a clear port in a storm of boring exposition and tepid, acceptably well produced action. It’s a wonder Morgan isn’t a bigger star, he’s got personality to spare and as seen in Rampage, he can steal scenes from both The Rock and giant CGI animals. 

The biggest problem with Rampage is an approach that takes the material way too seriously. I get that giant animals attacking a large city would be something we would have to take seriously were it to ever happen but let’s be real here. This is a silly premise that needs to be treated as such for the movie to work. The supporting players get that and act accordingly comic, with Akerman twirling an absent mustache and Lacy being slimy and weaselly and Morgan making a joke of the whole thing. 

Sadly, The Rock, the most charismatic star in the world today, fails to get the joke of Rampage and in the star missing the joke, the movie fails. Director Brad Peyton especially needed to get the joke of Rampage and he completely misses the boat by going for genuine action movie suspense rather than amping up the goofiness ala The Fast and Furious franchise or the recent Jurassic World movies. That kind of approach could have made Rampage a classic. As it is, I don’t even recommend it as a time wasting rental.

Movie Review Skyscraper

Skyscraper (2018)

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber 

Written by Rawson Marshall Thurber 

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Chin Han, Roland Moller, Neve Campbell, Pablo Schreiber

Release Date July 13th, 2018

Published July 12th, 2018 

Releasing Skyscraper on the same weekend time frame when Die Hard was released 30 years earlier was a bad idea. Tributes abound this weekend to the staying power and quality of Die Hard and those who revisit the Bruce Willis classic will not look favorably upon the similarly plotted but far less accomplished Skyscraper. Just how bad is Skyscraper? Not even Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and his megawatt smile can save it.

Skyscraper stars The Rock as Will Sawyer, a former Army Ranger turned FBI Agent and now family man and entrepreneur. After retiring from the FBI following a mission that ended tragically, Will started a family with his wife Sarah, who happened to save his life after he nearly died in that failed raid I just mentioned. Will has also just launched his own security firm. Will’s pal Ben (Pablo Schreiber) has even gone to great lengths to get him his first client and what a client he is.

Zhao (Chin Han) has just opened the world’s largest building; he calls it ‘The Pearl’ for the giant pearl design that sits above the 200th floor. Before he can open the residential section of ‘The Pearl’ however, Zhao needs to get insured and that means a full security systems check and that leads him to Will. Unfortunately, for both Zhao and Will, a group of terrorists want something that Zhao has locked away inside ‘The Pearl’ and they will go to extreme measures to get it.

Director Rawson Marshall Thurber is best known for the Ben Stiller comedy “Dodgeball.” He could have used some of that film’s sense of humor and good nature as Skyscraper is a dry, joyless exercise in simple minded, plot-heavy idiocy. The script, also by Thurber, is bursting at the seams with clumsy, forced, exposition to the point where characters communicate plot points by speaking out loud to no one but the movie watching audience.

I’m not kidding, at one point, the main baddie of Skyscraper, played by Roland Moller, talks to no one in particular and makes mention of something important to the plot of the movie. Later, The Rock is also alone and also expositing plot points to no one but us and the scene is so forced and clumsy that even Rock’s billion dollar charisma can’t sell the line. The Rock could sell ice cubes in the arctic but the awful dialogue of Skyscraper fully defeats him.

I’m a huge fan of Dwayne Johnson and I have been since his early days in the WWE. He’s always had an air about him, a swagger, a star presence that, even in subpar efforts, still shined through. Until now, I thought The Rock was invincible, the kind of actor who unfailingly elevated the movies he chose to star in. Here, however, with Skyscraper, even The Rock’s magnetism is defeated by a terrible script and subpar direction.

This Skyscraper should be condemned! Is what I would say if I were a terrible critic looking to score a cheap giggle. Instead, I will say that Skyscraper is one of the worst movies of 2018, a flat, dull-witted bit of action nonsense that can’t hold a candle to its undoubted influencer, Die Hard which, even 30 years later, feels fresh, fun and exciting and more so when compared to the dreck of Skyscraper.

Movie Review The Condemned

The Condemned (2007)

Directed by Scott Wiper

Written by Scott Wiper, Rob Hedden 

Starring Stone Cold Steve Austin, Vinny Jones, Robert Mammone, Rick Hoffman

Release Date April 27th, 2007 

Published August 16th, 2007

WWE owner Vince McMahon is still ticked off that Dwayne ‘The Rock' Johnson managed to become a major movie star without Vince's help. Ever since The Rock left the WWE for Hollywood Vince has been determined to make movie stars of his wrestlers while they are still working for him. Thus, last year audiences were treated to WWE star Glen 'Kane' Jacobs in the forgettable horror flick See No Evil.

That film was followed by WWE champion John Cena in The Marine in early 2007. Both of those films tanked at the box office but that is not slowing down the WWE owner's determination to make movies. McMahon and company have gone back to the well one more time with the action movie The Condemned.

WWE superstar Stone Cold Steve Austin stars in The Condemned as Jack Conrad, a navy seal left behind in a South American prison after a black ops mission gone bad. Sentenced to death, Jack is plucked off of death row by an American millionaire with some ugly intentions. Ian Breckel (Robert Mammone) is creating the ultimate high stakes reality show and Jack Conrad is going to be the star attraction.

The Condemned is a competition in which 10 condemned prisoners are transported to a remote island filled with cameras. The premise is to have the former death row inmates from around the globe battle to the death. The last man or woman left standing will be released with some money in their pocket. The whole show will be filmed and broadcast worldwide on the net.

It's a premise that's been used a number of times in films as varied as The Running Man and Death Race 2000 to more artful examples like the indie Series 7: The Contenders or the Asian classic Battle Royale. So The Condemned and writer-director Scott Wiper are not exactly treading new ground here. What is different about The Condemned is the oddball way in which The Condemned comes out against the very violence it portrays and intends to thrive upon.

The Condemned is a hard R-rated action movie with some brutal violence and a high body count. It's also a movie with a moralist message that condemns the very violence it proliferates. It's a very strange combination because the movie plays out in such an earnest, straightforwardly violent fashion. The Condemned plays as if the filmmakers were entirely unaware of the irony.

There is a goofy charm in the way The Condemned unfolds it's moralist plot with hardcore violence. Director Scott Wiper is either a madman genius who gets it so well that he can make you think he doesn't. Or he is so blissfully ignorant that the irony of using hardcore violence to condemn hardcore violence is lost on him in the same way Ed Wood could ignore the strings holding the fake flying saucer in his Plan 9 From Outer Space.

The only really knowing aspect of The Condemned comes from star Stone Cold Steve Austin whose performance is so completely in the know it damn near doubles back on itself and becomes a severe parody. Stone Cold bites into every line with relish and extra cheese. He delivers one-liners with the skill and precision of a Schwarzenegger in one scene and with deathly Stallone/Rambo seriousness in others.

The Condemned is a bizarre combination of hardcore violence and oddball moralizing. It's a film whose premise condemns the very violence it thrives upon and does so with such earnestness that you almost appreciate the naivete of the creators. Their seeming lack of awareness of the irony of their plot is strangely endearing. I can't recommend The Condemned, it's just not a very good movie overall, but for the brave irony appreciators out there, those of you with a strong stomach and stronger sardonic nature, you may find something to enjoy in The Condemned.

Movie Review Gridiron Gang

Gridiron Gang (2006) 

Directed by Phil Joanou

Written by Jeff Maguire

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Xhibit, Leon Rippy, Kevin Dunn

Release Date September 15th, 2006

Published September 14th, 2006

Gridiron Gang is yet another formula sports flick with all of the beats, lyrics and tear jerker elements the genre is known for. So how does it manage to be better than most similar formula sports flicks? It's all about the star power. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is a rising star whose massive wrestlers frame is matched by a thousand watt smile, a self deprecating sense of humor, and the kind of charm only seen in the biggest movie stars. The Rock's presence turns the simplistic, slightly tacky, recycled plot of Gridiron Gang into an inviting, entertaining piece of formula filmmaking.

At Camp Kilpatrick, on the outskirts of affluent Malibu, California, guard Sean Porter (The Rock) is fighting a losing battle. Year after year he watches in futility as his teenage prisoners repeat the mistakes that got them to Camp Kilpatrick after they get released. Kilpatrick is a youth facility where criminal teens kill time till they turn 18 and are returned to the street. The stats say that nearly 80 percent of the kids released from Kilpatrick will either find themselves in adult prisons or dead.

One day, as Porter is visiting his sick mother, he passes a High School football practice and is struck with a slightly crazy idea. He thinks he can start a football team at Camp Kilpatrick. In pitching the idea to his boss, Paul Higa (Leon Rippy), Porter points out that the problems these kids have with discipline and working well with others can be addressed by playing football.

Higa is dubious but allows Porter and fellow guard Malcolm Moore (rapper Xzibit) to go ahead with forming a team. Porter takes it a step further by approaching a league of Christian High Schools about allowing the newly formed Kilpatrick Mustangs to play a full schedule of games in their league. Can he get the team to come together in a very short time? Can he get these mostly gang affiliated criminals to put aside their street affiliations and play as a team? These are the questions that drive the plot of Gridiron Gang.

Gridiron Gang is based on a television documentary from the husband and wife team of Lee and Linda Stanley who discovered the story of Sean Porter while researching a documentary on juvenile detention facilities. The story they discovered was one of the few true success stories in the often heart rending system of juvenile detention. As the film explains, the football program at Camp Kilpatrick managed to help 75% of the kids who played on that team to avoid returning to their criminal ways after leaving the camp. That is an extraordinary accomplishment, worthy of having made a movie about it.

Director Phil Joanou, best known for his work on some innovative U2 music videos, brings a documentary feel to Gridiron Gang. The aesthetic is often difficult to square with football scenes that go right inside the huddle and on the field (places where obviously documentary cameras could not go) but it is nevertheless an eye capturing visual approach that does work in non-football scenes.

The most important element of Gridiron Gang however, is the lead performance of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. The former WWE superstar is an imposing physical presence, more than filling the intimidating presence of a prison guard, but it is his charm that really makes this role so surprising and entertaining. Coming from the often meat headed world of professional wrestling; it is quite extraordinary to find someone like The Rock with such natural charisma, presence and talent.

Rather than just be intimidating The Rock also shines in his dramatic scenes in Gridiron Gang. The Rock has a natural rapport with his young co-stars and their obvious admiration for him comes through in their performances. Amongst the strong group of young actors Jade Yorker stands out as Willie Weathers a roughneck young gangster who lost his cousin in a drive by and lives for the chance at revenge. Forced to play football with members of the rival gang involved in his cousins death, Willie becomes a difficult charge. His transformation is slow and painful and the film makes good use of this dramatic device.

I've said it before and I will say it again; there is nothing wrong with formula filmmaking. The key is how the formula is applied. The creators of Gridiron Gang apply this formula with eye catching documentary style camerawork and most importantly; by taking advantage of the star power and charisma of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. The Rock is a true star in the making whose obvious physicality is made even more impressive by his jovial expressiveness and terrific sense of humor. The Rock raises the formula of Gridiron Gang from typical to entertaining.

Movie Review: Fighting With My Family

Fighting with My Family (2019) 

Directed by Stephen Merchant

Written by Stephen Merchant 

Starring Florence Pugh, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Lena Headey, Nick Frost, Jack Lowden

Release Date February 14th, 2019 

Published February 13th, 2019 

As a longtime fan of the WWE I have known Saraya Knight from her earliest days in wrestling’s big leagues. I saw her win the very first NXT Women’s Championship. I watched live when she debuted on Monday Night Raw and won what was then called the WWE Divas Championship. I was also there when injuries and scandal nearly ended her career. Finally, I was there when she broke her neck and was forced to retire at the far too young age of 25. 

Saraya ‘Paige’ Knight has lived multitudes in her 26 years beginning her wrestling career at age 12 in Norwich, England, working for her mother and father’s very own promotion, WAW. As the story goes in real life and in the new movie on Paige’s life, Fighting with My Family, she never wanted to wrestle as a kid, that was her brother Zak’s thing. Once in the ring however, things changed and she fell in love with the business and began regularly wrestling against her mother, a successful wrestler in England for many years. 

Florence Pugh portrays Paige in Fighting with My Family. We watch as she wrestles against her parents all the while she and her brother Zac (Jack Lowdon) dream of getting a call from the WWE. That call comes when Paige is a mere 18 years old. Paige and Zac are invited to a WWE tryout while the WWE is in London in 2012. A trainer played by Vince Vaughn as an amalgam of many of WWE’s trainers over the years, named in the movie as Hutch Morgan, decides that only Paige has what it takes to go on to WWE’s Developmental system. 

This drives a wedge between Paige and Zac who had always been very close until this happened. Nevertheless, Paige accepts the chance to join the WWE and move away from her family to Florida where the fish out of water portion of the movie begins. Paige is not the prototypical WWE Diva. She’s up against models and athletes who didn’t grow up in the industry but were brought into it, the movie implies briefly, because of their looks. 

Part of Paige’s journey, surprisingly, is coming to respect the leggy blondes who are initially her antagonists. This is a welcome inversion of the classic trope. Our outsider hero has a journey here that is not as straightforward and heroic as it would initially seem. Fighting with My Family was directed by actor-comedian and writer Stephen Merchant, a rather brilliant comic mind who does well tapping both his comic and dramatic skills in Fighting with My Family. 

Fighting with My Family is not a serious movie by any stretch but it is grounded in a way that allows for the broad humor of wrestling to stand out against the mundane regular world. The juxtaposition between the broad and strange world of professional wrestling and the regular world outside of wrestling plays well for the most part, aside from characters played by the director himself and Julia Davis who play stock characters, whitebred outsiders who look down on the low culture of wrestling.

There is plenty to enjoy about Fighting with My Family including the wonderful supporting performances of Nick Frost and Lena Headey as Paige’s parents. These are wonderful actors playing wonderful characters. Frost and Headey appear to bring lifetimes to these two characters that we never see and yet they feel real and lived in. Their chemistry is remarkable, they are all in on the romance, the wrestling and the family. 

Florence Pugh is solid as Paige, though she lacks her swagger and lithe physique. As written, Paige is not the character we know from the WWE. Pugh plays the behind the scenes Paige as a shrinking violet, a homesick and cowed young woman, completely opposite of the wild child, charismatic, divas champion we would come to know and cheer for. There is a stock quality to the story of Paige learning to find herself, find her voice and her confidence. I don’t doubt that the real Paige went on that journey, but this is unquestionably the sanitized, safe for work take on that journey. 

Wrestling fans will undoubtedly recognize how compressed the timeline of Paige’s career is. In real life, Paige wrestled in America before her WWE debut in a company called Shimmer. She also was an overachiever in WWE Developmental where she won over the company brass enough to be picked to win the very first NXT Women’s Championship, months before her post-Wrestlemania 30 Monday Night Raw debut which is the culmination of Fighting with My Family. 

The film fails to mention that Paige was the NXT Women’s Champion when she she debuted on Monday Night Raw and many of the fans in attendance that night were fully aware of who she was when she went to the ring that night against Diva’s Champion A.J Lee, portrayed in the movie by current WWE superstar, Zelina Vega. The makers of Fighting with My Family would have you believe that she was some unknown wrestler getting a shot out of the blue. Then again, the movie would have you believe that Vince McMahon doesn’t exist and pull every string in the company or that a wrestler would make it to Monday Night Raw without seeing Vince first. 

An interesting thing about Paige is that her life after the events of this movie is way more interesting than her rise to fame. From the place where Fighting with My Family ends to today, Paige has gone through career threatening injuries, a sex tape scandal, a reportedly abusive relationship with a fellow wrestler, drug suspensions and eventually, a career ending injury to her neck that led to her having to find a whole new place in the wrestling world. 

That, however, is not a movie that Paige or the WWE would want to make. That’s a complex journey that has fewer of the warm fuzzy moments that Fighting with My Family is built around. That’s a gritty movie with much more humanity and frailty than the mythic, sweet and funny journey of self discovery that is Fighting with My Family. You can’t slap a PG 13 on that movie and mass market it to an audience of young wrestling fans. 

That said, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with not making that movie and instead making Fighting with My Family. Indeed, Fighting with My Family is a perfectly acceptable, if somewhat bland comedy and biopic. The supporting cast is wonderfully colorful and the world of WWE, though it is completely whitewashed, has a fun, mythic quality to it that, as a wrestling fan, I find entertaining. It’s the WWE of Vince McMahon’s fantasy world. 

By the way, for those wondering about Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s role in Fighting with My Family, much of what you see in the movie really happened. It was The Rock who informed Paige that she was going to be debuting on Monday Night Raw, a scene of wonderful comedy in the movie. There are some fudges in the timeline of Paige’s life in WWE and Developmental WWE but that scene really happened in a form similar to how it plays in the movie.

Movie Review: Doom

Doom (2005) 

Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak 

Written by David Callaham, Wesley Strick 

Starring Karl Urban, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Rosamund Pike 

Release Date October 21st, 2005 

Published October 22nd, 2005 

I am a huge fan of The Rock. The guy is charismatic, he's cool, he's big and surprisingly funny. That talent was on display in both of his previous roles in the action movies The Rundown and Walking Tall. So what happened to Doom?  Director Andrzej Bartkowiak somehow manages to strip The Rock of his charisma, his humor and any of his other appealing qualities for this human vs. aliens video game retread. Doom had little going for it when it was conceived. Take away the only really appealing element it had in Dwayne Johnson and you have one of the worst films of the year.

On Mars a futuristic research facility has sent out a distress signal of unknown origin. Scientists and archaeologists have disappeared and no one in the facility seems to know why. Enter the Sarge (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson) and his team of marine mercenaries. Sent to mars to find the missing scientists and help the corporation recover proprietary data, they soon find themselves up against an enemy that may or may not be human.

Hey wait... isn't that the plot for Resident Evil 2? Remove the trip to outer space and toss in Milla Jovovich in some skimpy ass-kicking outfit and you have essentially the same movie. There are even zombies in Doom and possibly, this point was not all that clear, a virus.

Funny thing, there were no zombies at all in the video game on which Doom is based. Of course there weren't any characters in the game either. Instead of The Sarge or Grimm (Karl Urban) or Destroyer (Deobia Oeparai) or the Kid (Al Weaver) you had the first person point of view of a gun that you used to blast alien monsters.

Creative license, I'm sure, was necessary for adapting Doom to the big screen but this departure is rather extreme and made worse by the fact that it's a near complete rip off of another bad video game adaptation. It's bad enough Hollywood studios cannot resist making video games into movies but do they have to make them knockoffs of other video game movies? UGH! 

We might have predicted the kind of disaster that is Doom considering the director. Polish born director Andrzej Bartkowiak, has the kind of resume that only Uwe Boll could envy. Bartkowiak directed two atrocious Jet Li flicks, Romeo Must Die and Cradle 2 The Grave and, most egregiously, he brought Steven Seagal's Exit Wounds to the big screen, a cinematic nightmare of incalculable proportions.

Consider ourselves lucky Bartkowiak did not include Mr. Seagal in Doom. The combination of this already bad idea with Seagal might have caused time and space to collapse upon itself in a cosmic gag reflex hurling us all into the ether. Sorry, I'm just saying maybe things could have been worse.

In a nod to gamers Doom retains the first person shooting scenario that is one of the games trademarks. Unfortunately, once we enter the first person mode, which happens for much of the last 20 minutes of the film, watching Doom becomes very much like watching someone else play a videogame and knowing you don't ever get a turn.

The one thing the film had going for it was The Rock. Sadly, cast as taciturn, humorless pseudo cyborg killing machine The Rock loses every last bit of the personality that made him a star. The action genre that The Rock has quickly risen to dominate, in terms of the classic one man against the world Stallone-Schwarzenegger-Van Damme action genre and not the genre as a whole, is built on physicality and personality. Removed from that mold Rock is just another beefcake behemoth with a gun.

Walking Tall was an old school action flick that played to the strengths of Rock's personality while being just different enough from the old school to seem fresh and fun. The Rundown is an out and out buddy comedy that really allowed Rock to cut loose with that fresh charismatic smile and surly but exciting demeanor that I had hoped would become his trademark. Doom is a major step backward for the man once known in the world of professional wrestling as 'the most electrifying man in sports entertainment'.

Just who is the audience for Doom? Teenage boys who loved the videogame might find something to enjoy. But even the least discerning teenage male must have his limit. Doom is an abysmal mess of genre knockoffs and an outright theft of another movies plot and action. And the movie it steals from, Resident Evil 2, isn't very good either so you can imagine how bad a knockoff would be. 

Throw another hack director into the movie marketplace. Andrzej Bartkowiak joins Uwe Boll and the king of all hacks Paul W.S Anderson in the ranks of directors dragging the standards of Hollywood filmmaking to new lows. Where is the justice? Woody Allen, Jim Jarmusch and other auteurs struggle to find financing for their work, often having to leave the country as Allen did for his latest film Match Point, to find the funding to make one small picture.

Hacks on the other hand are finding ever growing budgets and clout. I know Hollywood is a business but that does not make such practices right. Watch Doom and tell me you disagree.