Movie Review The Devil Inside

The Devil Inside (2012) 

Directed by William Brent Bell 

Written by William Brent Bell, Matthew Peterman 

Starring Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth, Suzan Crowley 

Release Date January 6th, 2012 

Published January 6th, 2012 

The Devil Inside is a 78 minute advertisement for a website. There’s a chance I should have said ‘spoiler alert’ before telling you that but frankly this movie does not deserve my discretion. The Devil Inside is a con job. This is a fraud of a movie that leads audiences to the singularly most unsatisfying ending to a movie I’ve seen in my many years as a movie critic.The film ends with a massive car wreck and an invitation to see how it turned out on the film’s website. Spoiler Alert. 

The Devil Inside begins as a rip off of The Last Exorcism, a rare really great found footage horror film from 2010, as we get a fake documentary about exorcism told at first from a skeptical perspective. Quickly however, the skepticism gives way to the cliched bone crunching, head-spinning, potty mouthed demon spectacle that the exorcism genre calls for. There is, after all, no such thing as a polite and well-mannered or thoughtful demon.

Relative unknown actress Fernanda Andrade stars in The Devil Inside as Isabella Rossi, the daughter of a killer. Isabella’s mother, Maria Rossi (Suzan Crowley), murdered three members of her church as they were performing an exorcism… on her. Through some mysterious machinations of the church Maria ends up transferred to a hospital in Rome under the treatment of Vatican doctors.

It’s an interesting idea and for a short time director William Brent Bell even manages to keep you engaged. The cracks however in this deeply flawed film, begin to show through after Isabella and her documentary making pal Michael (Ionut Grama) have traveled to Italy and hooked up with a pair of priests, Ben (Simon Quarterman) and David (Evan Helmuth), who run an illegal side business as exorcists for hire.

Once the exorcists take a shot at saving Isabella’s mother, the movie careens downhill toward its controversial ending. The ending of The Devil Inside left the audience I was with seething with anger and demanding their money back after the screening. There were boos, people throwing trash, and some derisive laughter at the expense of the movie. Not that the filmmakers would care, they’d already received their paychecks for this nonsense. 

There is nothing even the least bit redeeming about The Devil Inside. The film is a flimsy con-job; it’s two thirds of a movie sold for the full price of a ticket. The ending invites audiences to visit a website to find out more about Isabella Rossi. I won’t publicize the website here as it is merely an extension of the filmmakers’ failure to come up with an ending. Even if the ending were satisfying, the gimmick of not having an ending has already soured any goodwill the movie might have had. Plus, it wasn’t very good for the first two acts, the ending was not going to save The Devil Inside from ignominy. 

Instead of an ending we get a novelty; a failing attempt to bridge the gap between the movie screen and the internet.  This was an idea that was destined to fail and fail miserably. Admittedly, I can’t say how many people followed up and went to the website following the movie. But, I have a hard time imagining that many did. The reaction from the crowd that I witnessed the night that The Devil Inside debuted was not excitement about a new way to merge movies and the internet. This was an angry mob seething with resentment and a rueful desire for some form of revenge. 

Movie Review P2

P2 (2007) 

Directed by Franck Khalfoun 

Written by Alexandre Aja, Franck Khalfoun, Gregory Levasseur

Starring Wes Bentley, Rachel Nichols

Release Date November 9th, 2007

Published November 8th, 2007

Alexandre Aja has been undistinguished in two outings as a writer-director, High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes. Still, Aja does show a sense of how to work in this genre and that shows in his work as a producer and co-writer of the new horror thriller P2. Handing the directorial reigns to talented newcomer Franck Khalfoun, Aja's hands off approach works and the best instincts of his work show through.

Angela (Rachel Nichols) never thought staying late at work was a bad thing, even on a holiday. Sure, her whole family was waiting for her but she had numbers to crunch and no boyfriend waiting to go with her. She could afford a few more minutes, or so she thought. On this night, Christmas Eve, staying late was the worst idea possible. The last to leave among her office mates, Angela will have to walk through the creepy parking garage all by herself, save for that one parking attendant with far away stare. 

That parking attendant is named Thomas (Wes Bentley), and unbeknownst to Angela, he has had a secret crush on. Moreover, Thomas has decided that tonight is the night he will reveal his feelings. Did he buy her flowers? Candy? Make her a mixtape? No,Thomas is something of a social misfit. His idea of courtship involves a chloroform soaked rag and some handcuffs. Whether Angela likes it or not she is joining Thomas for a holiday meal.

What director Frank Khalfoun does in P2 is take strong advantage of the one unique thing about this plot, the setting. Parking garages are inherently creepy places, all dark corners and echoes. Khalfoun makes this underground garage into an underground maze of darkness and disturbing noises. Also, the garage setting turns the classic cliche of a cellphone with no signal into a necessary plot point as opposed to a merely convenient one.

The holiday setting, the movie takes place on Christmas Eve, is also a clever trick. It closes the parking garage and gives our main characters plenty of uninterrupted room to run and play hide and seek. The film also makes great use of Elvis' Blue Christmas turning the hacky holiday classic into a creepy, funny running gag.

We haven't seen Wes Bentley much since he exploded on to the scene with his touchingly oddball performance in American Beauty. He failed to take advantage of the buzz following that film and has since picked up his highest profile paycheck as the lame bad guy in Ghost Rider. Strange to say, this is the best performance of Bentley's career since American Beauty. What Bentley gives Thomas is this odd sort of cornpone romantic crossed with a Johnny Depp style antic psychopath.

He's also quite funny. Keep an ear out for one of the best lines of the year when Thomas whines about not wanting to lose his job. Rachel Nichols, heretofore unknown to me, isn't given much to play but give her credit for not making all of the cliched choices of a victim in this situation. Her Angela is smart but she's not McGyver, she doesn't adapt to this situation as if it were second nature. She is no match for Thomas's brand of crazy but she has luck on her side.

The closer of P2 features yet another funny line featuring that one thing a man should never say to a woman. The ending is all too typical, but I never said the film broke the mold. This is just a director and cast that takes on genre conventions and simply performs them slightly more entertainingly than the several thousand genre clones before it. Franck Khalfoun doesn't remake the genre he just makes good use of his genre tools. P2 is just a little smarter. The film has a bit more polish than the dozen or so directors who have worked with the same genre material. P2 is an exceptional thriller/horror genre movie.

Movie Review A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) 

Directed by Samuel Bayer 

Written by Wesley Strick, Eric Heisserer

Starring Rooney Mary, Jackie Earl Haley, Kyle Gallner, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Dekker, Kellen Lutz

Release Date April 30th, 2010

Published April 29th, 2010 

Lather rinse repeat; simple instructions very easy to follow. I cannot help but speculate that director Samuel Bayer received similar instructions as he approached remaking the horror classic “Nightmare on Elm Street.” Good looking teenager falls asleep, Freddy kills good looking teenager in dream, repeat. This re-imagining of the horror icon Freddy Krueger is like most remakes merely a faded, facsimile of the original. The film is something akin to an “American Idol” contestant's version of a Beatles song; it doesn't sound that bad but lacks the heart, soul, and creative energy of the original.

Jackie Earl Haley replaces the one and only Robert Englund in the iconic role of gardener turned child murder Freddy Krueger. In this version of the story Freddy was a beloved figure who lived and worked at a day school where the kids adored him. That all changed when one little girl, Nancy, told her parents about Freddy's fun cave in the basement. Years later, after Freddy's death, the kids who attended that day school are finally reuniting and with their memories re-emerging, so has Freddy Krueger, who begins attacking and killing them in their dreams. Only Nancy (Rooney Mara) is capable of slowing Freddy's bloodlust.

There is nothing really all that wrong with this version of “Nightmare on Elm Street” from a technical perspective. Director Samuel Bayer, a veteran of music videos, knows how to aim the camera and how to use angle and light for the creation of tension and suspense and he has a good eye for gore. What Bayer is lacking is a story of any depth and characters worth investing in and identifying with. Writers Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer operate from the recipe detailed in the opening paragraph - cute teen sleeps, cute teen killed, repeat. The settings for the deaths are generally the same; Freddy's creepy boiler room remains a creep-tastic setting even if that steam or smoke is still unexplained.

Heather Langenkamp had a winning combination of earnestness and determination and with that wonderful quiver in her voice she won us over and had audiences rooting for her survival even as Freddy was the more entertaining and charismatic of this deathly duo. Rooney Mara taking over the role of Nancy is basically filler. Someone needed to play the role and Ms. Mara was sufficiently attractive and available to fill the bill. Not much is asked of this mostly unknown actress and she gives just about what she gets from the weak script.

The rest of the cast is made up of pretty faces who line up as victim 1, 2, 3 and so on. The film ends on a strong note but I won't go into that too much other than to say that even fans of the original “Nightmare” will be impressed. It's fair to wonder that as a film critic I have seen too much. I have seen so many horror films and I am hard to impress and even harder to frighten. That's fair but I can recognize technique and I am aware when something works for a mass audience and something doesn't. The engaged audience member will likely recognize, as I did, the dearth of character development and the rerun nature of Freddy's kills.

However, those audiences not in fealty to the original as I am and more inclined to forgive the film its many repeats; those giving in to the legend of Freddy Krueger, well rehashed by the far too talented for this Jackie Earl Haley, may find themselves leaping in their seats and watching the movie through their fingers. If you are forgiving, enjoy “Nightmare on Elm Street” redux. Myself, I am going to watch Johnny Depp get sucked into his bed and explode in a geyser of blood in one of the greatest deaths of all time from Wes Craven's original “Nightmare.”

Movie Review Once Upon a Time in Mexico

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez 

Written by Robert Rodriguez 

Starring Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Salma Hayek, Mickey Rourke, Eva Mendes, Willem Dafoe

Release Date September 12th, 2003

Published September 11th, 2003 

The Auteur Theory states that the director is the author of a film. The auteur is a director whose sole artistic vision is fully realized with little compromise. Many of our most prominent directors can fit the definition of an auteur, but few can live up to the definition as much as Robert Rodriguez can. In his latest film, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, Rodriguez is credited as writer, director, producer, cinematographer, editor, production designer, and composer of the film's score. He did everything but key lights and hold the boom mic. If that is not realizing a singular vision, I don't know what is. And that singular vision is a spectacular shoot'em up that may be light on story but makes up for it with style.

Antonio Banderas returns to the role of the nameless mariachi player from El Mariachi and Desperado who dispenses justice and tunes from a killer guitar case. Having gone into hiding after the death of his wife (Salma Hayek in flashback) and child, the mariachi is brought out of retirement to kill the man who killed his family, General Marquez (Gerardo Vigil).

The mysterious man who brought the mariachi out of retirement is a shady American CIA agent named Sands (Johnny Depp). Agent Sands is carrying out a thin-ice tap dance that is playing a number of Mexican factions against each other, with Sands ending up 10 million dollars richer. He has hired the Mariachi to kill General Marquez and the General to kill the unpopular Mexican President. Sands has a major drug dealer named Barillo (Willem Dafoe) to finance the General and an ex-FBI agent (Ruben Blades) to kill the drug dealer.

Confusing? Maybe, but it doesn't matter because Johnny Depp is so damn cool. Whether the plot makes any sense or if the scheme works or doesn't work, makes little difference to Robert Rodriguez or the audience because it's all about Depp. Like a plot magician Depp does parlor tricks that make your plot reservations disappear. Whether it's Rodriguez's quick witted script or Depp's stylish delivery it all works and it's all so cool.

For his part as the lead, Banderas slips comfortably back into his Mariachi costume. It's one of the rare roles in which Banderas seems comfortable. Maybe it's because it's his third go around in the role or maybe it's his friendly director, but Banderas realizes the potential stardom that so many have expected of him, but only in this role. Any other role and Banderas appears lost.

This film's place in the El Mariachi/Desperado, line is unclear to me; it's been too long since I've seen those two films. Luckily, there is no need to remember the first two films beyond the vaguest details. Flashbacks with Salma Hayek as the Mariachi's wife are effective in providing backstory and are as stylish and cool as the scenes that surround them.

One of the things that makes Rodriguez's multi-hyphenate performance possible is the way in which he takes advantage of the most modern film technology. Using a top-of-the-line Sony digital camera, Rodriguez becomes the first filmmaker that I have seen use digital in a way that transfers to regular film stock without looking awful. His shooting style is just as impressive, entirely handheld without looking handheld. This makes Once Upon A Time In Mexico, an important moment in digital and independent filmmaking. See it for Johnny Depp. Respect it for the true independent spirit at work in its creation.

Movie Review Krisha

Krisha (2015) 

Directed by Trey Edward Shults

Written by Trey Edward Shults 

Starring Krisha Fairchild, Trey Edward Shults 

Release Date March 16th, 2015 

Published November 1st, 2016

With Trey Edward Stults’ “It Comes at Night” arriving in theaters I finally remembered that I received a screener for his debut feature “Krisha” just last November. Sadly, though I watched more than 300 films last year I was unable to make “Krisha” one of them. I simply ran out of time before the Critics’ Choice Awards nominations had to go out. It’s an excuse, but it’s what happened and now I am kicking myself. I wish I had seen this movie so much sooner than just this week. 

“Krisha” begins on two separate long, unbroken takes that are equally unsettling and fascinating. Krisha, played by Krisha Fairchild, is the name of a long lost relative returning to a seemingly welcoming family but something about the long unbroken take of Krisha first attempting to locate the front door of the home she is visiting and the otherwise genial and poignant welcome she receives, left me feeling uneasy, especially when combined with the shorter yet still unbroken shot that begins the film. 

The very first scene is a horror movie shot of our main character against a deathly red background staring at the viewer with the rage of a villain. These two scenes combine to throw the audience into a dizzy spell that barely begins to lift once the film returns to a more conventional filmmaking style following the opening title card.

“Krisha” is unyielding in pushing audience buttons following its incredible opening scenes. The following scene finds Krisha in the bathroom unpacking her things and while the scene is conventionally shot and less jarring than the opening, director Trey Edward Shults does not let up an inch on the intrigue. Krisha carries with her a strong box with notes all over it that say “private” and “keep out.” Naturally, this only serves to make the box more interesting. The mysterious nature of the box deepens when we see that Krisha is so paranoid about people opening the box that she wears the key on a necklace.

Even after we find out what is in the box there is still more drama and fascination to be mined from the contents. I won’t spoil the contents, their importance as symbols comes into play later, and I will only say that my curiosity throughout the scene kept rising so quickly I felt a genuine rush. From one moment to the next in this thrilling film my mind was reeling and folks, I’ve only described the first 5 minutes of “Krisha.”

From here “Krisha” doesn’t so much unpack any long family history or dwell on any long simmering family squabbles but rather takes a tact that is unexpected for sure and wildly daring. This tightrope act of genre film-making places audience members in highly uncomfortable situations and while your mind seeks out the comforting twists of classic genre movies, “Krisha” remains defiantly unpredictable until its divisive ending which will either thrill you with its uniqueness or anger you for betraying your expectations.

The story behind the making of the film has a transgressive quality all its own. Writer-Director Trey Edward Shults cast himself in the role of Trey, Krisha’s estranged son, opposite star Krisha Fairchild who is Shults’ real life Aunt. The rawness of the familial exchanges as “Krisha” unfolds lends that fact a surreal quality that only serves this sometimes surreal and always unexpected narrative experiment. I mention those raw exchanges, but don’t be mistaken, “Krisha” isn’t about showy arguments, it is so much more than that.

Let’s talk about Krisha Fairchild, the star of this remarkable film. Fairchild is in nearly every minute of “Krisha” and the moments she is not onscreen are POV shots that ratchet the tension as we wonder what she’s thinking of what she’s witnessing. Part of the power comes from the way in which Trey Edward Shults tilts and twirls his camera around Fairchild seeking flattering and unflattering angles in equal measure. Much of Fairchild’s performance is in her face and eyes rather than dialogue and the shifts from poignant to chilling to achingly sad make for one of the most riveting performances of the past year.

The nature of my job means I see a lot of movies and during awards season I am forced to make tough choices of what I have time to watch amid my obligations to a 40 hour a week job in radio and my beloved obligation to watch as many screeners as I can. I am so sad that I didn’t place “Krisha” at the top of my awards season list of movies to watch. Had I seen “Krisha” in time for the Critics’ Choice Awards or my year end Top 10 list, my ballot and my Top 10 would have looked a little different.

I was stoked to see “It Comes at Night” based on the terrific trailer, my affection for star Joel Edgerton, and the fact that it comes from the glorious distributor A24. Now, however, my excitement for “It Comes at Night” is through the roof. If “It Comes at Night” is half as clever, inventive and disturbing as “Krisha” we are all in for one of hell of a movie.

Movie Review The Forest

The Forest (2016) 

Directed by Jason Zada

Written by Ben Ketal, Sarah Cornwell, Nick Antosca

Starring Natalie Dormer, Taylor Kinney, Eoin Macken 

Release Date January 8th, 2016 

Published January 7th, 2016

“The Forest” stars “Game of Thrones” actress Natalie Dormer as twins, Jess and Sara Price. Having long had a strong sense of each other, Sara begins to have nightmare visions that indicate Jess is planning to take her own life. Having moved to Japan to teach abroad, Jess’s suicide plan involves a trip to the legendary ‘Suicide Forest,’ the Aokigahara Forest at the foot of Mount Fuji which has, for decades, been known as a place where people go to commit suicide amid the tranquility of the forest.

In an attempt to stop Jess, Sara travels to Japan intending on going into the forest to find her sister. Along the way Sara meets a journalist named Aiden (Taylor Kinney) who is writing a story about the Suicide Forest and offers to accompany her into the forest which has a history not merely of suicide but also for strange visions that lead people to enter the forest and never return. Warning against the trip but nevertheless offering his services as a guide is Michi (Yukioshi Ozawa), a man who has made it his mission to save those that can be saved and recover the bodies of those who can’t.

Whether Sara finds Jess or whether Aiden the journalist has secret, sinister motivations or if there is some sort of malevolent spirit in the forest is rendered irrelevant by the incompetent direction of newcomer Jason Zada who brings little but modern horror movie cliché to his direction of “The Forest.” He’s hampered by a screenplay credited to three different writers who fail to invest the characters or story with anything more than the bare minimum of motivation and an intriguing idea.

Indeed, “The Forest” has a fascinating idea at its center. The Aokigahara Forest has a fascinating backstory as a place where people go by the hundreds year after year, from around the world, seeking the peace needed to bring an end to their life.  Why this place? Likely, it is because Aokigahara is beautiful and peaceful with thick treelines that prevent the noise of the outside world. Aokigahara is also so remote that travelers are unlikely to see another soul for days and with no one to prevent them from killing themselves they are able to further divorce themselves from reality.

That is the kind of fascinating and terrible history that would make a terrific documentary. In just reading about the Aokigahara Forest you find a story that mixes tragedy and beauty in a most unique and compelling way. That the makers of “The Forest” use this story as a backdrop for a supremely inane series of jump scares and supernatural chicanery is the biggest sin of “The Forest.”

Movie Review Playing it Cool

Playing it Cool (2015) 

Directed by Justin Reardon 

Written by Chris Shafer, Paul Vicknair

Starring Chris Evans, Michelle Monaghan, Anthony Mackie, Aubrey Plaza, Ioan Gruffudd, Topher Grace

Release Date May 14th, 2015 

Published June 25th, 2015

For years Chris Evans made bad movie after bad movie. He was seemingly settled into being a handsome, bland, leading man, who would take any role that a star with better taste had passed on. Then he became Captain America and things changed. Something about Steve Rogers brought Evans to a place of comfort with his work.

With “Snowpiercer” a more serious and focused Chris Evans emerged and myself as a critic I saw the actor in a very different light. Now, with the charming romantic comedy “Playing it Cool,” Chris Evans seems fully formed as a performer. Is the movie great? No, but it’s not terrible. More importantly, as a vehicle for its star it is a fine showcase for his seemingly increasing talent.

In “Playing it Cool” Chris Evans plays a screenwriter who does not believe in love. Traumatized by his mother leaving him at a young age, Evans is left with an inability to connect with women. He does however, have an active fantasy life. He envisions his heart as living outside his body in the form of a sad, romantic, character in the range of Bogart in “Casablanca.”

Evans also has the tendency to project himself into other people’s stories. When friends played by an all star supporting cast including Topher Grace, Luke Wilson, Aubrey Plaza and Martin Starr, tell stories, Evans projects himself as the lead in the story regardless of the gender of the lead character. This imaginative device becomes important after Evans meets Michelle Monaghan and for the first time falls in love. Suddenly, she is the co-lead in all of these fantasies.

“Playing it Cool” is strange in a number of ways. The first comes in the fact that Evans and Monaghan’s character don’t have names. In the IMDB credits Evans is referred to as Narrator and Monaghan as Her. This is, I think, meant to comment on how the clichés of romantic comedies play out, the characters don’t really matter as much as character beats and human type people. The structure of “Playing it Cool” has Evans struggling to write a romantic comedy screenplay because he doesn’t believe in love and is well aware of the common tropes of the genre as they begin to play out in his real life.

The meta aspects of “Playing it Cool” play alright but the heart of the film is Evans and his interplay with the cast. I enjoyed the camaraderie of Evans and his small band of fellow artists. There is a real sense of friendship, history, and fun among this group and the interplay is strong enough that it doesn’t matter so much that each individual character is really only a sketch of a person.

Then there is the central romance. Michelle Monaghan is incredibly beautiful. Truly, I am not sure I can objectively assess her performance as I was thunderstruck by how photogenic she is, the camera truly loves her. Monaghan is something of a male fantasy as she is endlessly accepting and she gets all of Evans’ jokes and seems to like the things he likes, and she even has his commitment issues.

There is nothing particularly surprising about the way “Playing it Cool” plays out but I don’t think there is meant to be. This is a romantic comedy where the end is pretty well telegraphed. The key is then how to find interesting and funny things to do on the way to the predictable finish and what “Playing it Cool” has is a charming lead performance and strong supporting ensemble whose sense of fun that makes the predictable palatable.

The maturation of Chris Evans as an actor is likely that of a performer becoming more confident. “Captain America” has given Evans the star power to relax a little and be more than just a handsome face. In “Snowpiercer” the new found confidence led to a dark, violent thriller with an incredible resonance. In “Playing it Cool” that confidence emerges in a heretofore unseen charm and playfulness that seemed forced in previous performances.

Movie Review Seventh Son

Seventh Son (2015) 

Directed by Sergei Bodrov

Written by Charles Leavitt, Steven Knight

Starring Jeff Bridge, Julianne Moore, Ben Barnes, Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington, Olivia Williams, Djimon Hounsou 

Release Date February 6th, 2015 

Published February 5th, 2015

There is a sad and desperate affliction plaguing middle aged Hollywood stars. I’ve come to call it “Nicolas-Cage-Itis.” NCI, as we will henceforth refer to it, strikes when an actor reaches of a level of age and stardom where they are no longer seen as viable leading men but can’t pull themselves from in front of the camera.

The dissonance between their faded place in the pop ephemera and their own perception of their pop mortality clash and a level of madness emerges that leads to making movies of questionable taste and quality. John Cusack, for one, has succumbed mightily to NCI and will in 2015 star in a film project so bereft it likely will never be seen outside of China.

Other actors look on the verge of an NCI flare up, Johnny Depp is perilously close, Keanu Reeves seems to have pulled back from the brink but still could go either way and Tom Cruise is just one batshit crazy sci-fi movie from a full blown case. Sadly, however, the most recent fully diagnosed case of NCI is Academy Award winner and all around good dude Jeff Bridges.

With his “RIPD,” “The Giver,” and “Seventh Son” triumvirate it’s clear Bridges is in the throes of a full on Nicolas-Cage-Itis breakdown. He’s already begun the ‘bizarre accents are why I make movies’ phase of the illness. Soon, he will be experimenting with his hairline and having massive tax problems.

“Seventh Son” was the final piece of the NCI diagnosis. This misbegotten YA adventure movie stars Bridges as a mystical witch hunter named Master Gregory and while you might be tempted to believe Bridges wanted to play a mystical witch hunter named Master Gregory on a lark, it’s clear he chose the role because he was allowed to speak in a manner of his choosing, something akin to Morgan Freeman without teeth.

Yes, the accent is really the only reason Bridges wanted to play Master Gregory. Any director indulgent enough to allow his star to mush mouth his way through an ostensibly teen-friendly blockbuster adventure clearly isn’t asking much of his star. No, Bridges and his star power quite clearly dominate every aspect of “Seventh Son” which means nothing too challenging and only the vaguest sense that anyone gives the slightest damn about the material.

Joining Bridges with her own mild case of NCI is Academy Award nominee Julianne Moore. Bridges’ Lady Friend from “The Big Lebowski” plays a witch that Gregory once loved, then hunted and now hunts again after she escapes from the prison he made her years before. The love story aspect is left thankfully to the willing imagination as the movie is given over to high camp vamping and the chewing of scenery.

It’s difficult to decide what is more dispiriting about “Seventh Son:” Bridges and Moore’s dull, camp excess or the abysmal love story tacked on to their teenage sidekicks. Ben Barnes Barnes and Alicia Vikander play star-crossed lovers, witch-hunter apprentice and witch, respectively, with about as much romantic chemistry as mismatched shelving units. If you need a sense of just how invested the film is in Barnes’ apprentice character, his name is Tom Ward. Tom Ward. “Seventh Son” is set in a world of Witches, Dragons and shape shifting Bears and Leopards and they are battled by a guy named Tom. At least Gregory gets call himself ‘Master.’

“Seventh Son” is an incredibly depressing piece of work. It’s a YA adaptation, it’s dreary and lumbering with about as much wonder and excitement as a trip to the DMV. But, of course, the dreariest of the dreary is watching Jeff Bridges entertain himself. Bridges is playing an elaborate prank that’s only funny for him. He’s fully aware of how ridiculous he looks and sounds but he’s also wildly entertained by it. We, on the other hand, are just hurt that our hero won’t let us in on the joke.

Mr. Bridges’s case of NCI is in that hermetic stage where a selfish negation of all outside opinion leads to humiliating career decisions that the star doesn’t fully realize they’re making. NCI blinds the star from seeing how silly they look and consequently divorces them from reality enough that they take a strange pride in their own oddity.

Can Mr. Bridges recover from this devilish disease? It’s hard to say. The progenitor of NCI, Nicolas Cage Esquire, does, on occasion, allow his talent to emerge from behind his lunacy but seemingly only by accident. Maybe it will be by accident that we will once again see Mr. Bridges. For now, sadly, his NCI has fully overtaken his good sense and “Seventh Son” is the signifier of his full blown madness.

Movie Review The Spongebob Movie Sponge Out of Water

The Spongebob Movie Sponge Out of Water (2015) 

Directed by Stephen Hillenburg

Written by Stephen Hillenburg 

Starring Tom Kenny, Clancy Brown, Matt Berry, Antonio Banderas, Bill Fagerbakke, Rodger Bumpass

Release Date February 6th, 2015 

Published February 5th, 2015

How does a film so shamelessly appeal to the tastes of tots and stoners alike and not wind up doomed to be assailed by the culture warriors? By becoming a capitalist commodity first and an anarchic, tripped out, cartoon second. That is the journey of “Spongebob Squarepants” which innocently invaded popular kids culture in the early 2000’s and became an unassailable pop titan.

The freedom of success has allowed this Nickelodeon product to evolve in ways that no one likely imagined. From what was a minor distraction for kiddies a strange cult classic of stoner nostalgia has emerged. Over time the tots who loved Spongebob’s seemingly innocent shenanigans were joined in front of the television by their cereal slurping, red-eyed older brother who laughed at the jokes that the little ones just missed.

Sure, the creators of the series maintain the innocence at the show’s heart but their claims to innocence are certainly challenged by a product that has grown increasingly weird in most recent and slightly controversial incarnations. It’s a strange evolution that today culminates in the ultimate evidence of the show’s sneaky stoner appeal, “The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.”

Sure, on the surface this is merely an attempt to return Spongebob Squarepants to the pop ether and make gobs of money while doing it. But, watch the film and the Dali-esque, dizzying, imagery comes roaring out at the audience in ways only those on psychotropic stimulants can truly understand. As someone who’s never experienced a drug induced freak out, I can only imagine it is something akin to the time travel trip taken in “Sponge Out of Water” by our hero Spongebob and his unlikely pal and former enemy Plankton.

If you thought Peter Fonda’s swirling, twisting vortex freak out in 1969’s “The Trip” was trip inducing, wait till you get a load of the wall of sight and sound that takes Spongebob and Plankton through time and space. Only a true stoner, wacked out on the best Maui-Wowie and grooving to Kubrick’s “2001” could truly appreciate the sites created herein. I’m not kidding, these scenes are really messed up.

Things really get tripped out when Spongebob and Plankton, on the run through time and space to escape having been accused of stealing the secret recipe for Crabby Patties, find themselves in a future world run by a talking Dolphin named Bubbles. Bubbles is voiced by the brilliant British comic Matt Berry in full Douglas Reynholm bluster. Throwing Berry into a mix that also includes Antonio Banderas as a pirate named Burger Beard, is really the last piece of evidence needed to prove that the makers of Spongebob are indeed attempting to bridge the gap between Nickelodeon comedy and Cheech and Chong.

Looking back I realize I am making this sound like a bad thing. In reality, it’s more innocuous than anything. Despite the bleating of many conservatives, there isn’t anything truly dangerous about stoners. The fact that they can be as entertained as little children by the same form of entertainment is only subversive in the eyes of those who see smoking marijuana as some sort of societal ill.

There are many more damning things that people could be doing aside from getting baked and watching “The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.” Things like Sub-Prime Mortgages or murder for hire schemes against their employers or ironically attending WNBA Games are certainly less worthy efforts than getting stoned and laughing hysterically as a talking sponge battles Antonio Banderas as pirate named Burger Beard.

I guess my main point is that we should just be honest about the appeal of “The Spongebob Movie: Sponge Out of Water” and stop acting like it’s just a kids movie. The fact is, Spongebob has a foot firmly planted in two separate but equal satirical worlds that appeal equally and differently to two very specific sets of audiences and there is nothing wrong with that.

Let’s let Spongebob’s freak flag fly free and not be so uptight and silly as to believe that just because stoners enjoy a kids show that kids will automatically grow up to be stoners. This isn’t a nature or nurture argument over the future of our children, it’s just a silly cartoon that happens to be tripping balls and delighting children all at once.

Movie Review Mary Queen of Scots

Mary Queen of Scots (2018) 

Directed by Josie Rourke 

Written by Beau Willimon 

Starring Saorise Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden, Joe Alwyn, David Tennant, Guy Pearce

Release Date December 7th, 2018 

Published December 6th, 2018

Mary Queen of Scots is a handsome but mostly forgettable mid-centuries soap opera starring two of our finest working actresses. Saoirse Ronan and Margot Robbie are incredible performers but there isn’t anything in Mary Queen of Scots that rises to the level of their talents. The film is not bad because Ronan and Robbie are too good for it to be bad but the story is far too thin and the film loses steam quickly given the amount of juice this story appears to have on the surface.

Mary Stuart (Ronan) is a fascinating historical figure. At a very young age, though she was heir to the throne of Scotland, she was forced to flee to France. While there, she married the French King but did not become Queen by marriage, she was 5 at the time she was promised to the 4 year old future King. When the King died young, Mary fled back to Scotland where she was welcomed back as Queen by her brother, the Earl of Moray.

Mary’s return was not welcomed by her cousin, Queen Elizabeth I (Margot Robbie). Ever suspicious, the Queen of England kept a distance from Mary that was as strategic as it was out of fear. The Elizabeth of Mary Queen of Scots appears concerned that Mary’s beauty eclipses her own and that any invitation for comparison between the two could lead to a confrontation over her legitimacy as Queen.

The flames between Mary and Queen Elizabeth were further heated by the growing tension between the Protestants and Catholics. Mary, being a proud Catholic and Elizabeth, a Protestant, each had factions to serve and keep at bay from religious leaders and members of their respective courts. The two maintained correspondence with Elizabeth acknowledging Mary’s desire to ascend to the throne if Elizabeth died but the succession discussion was as political as it was about whom God ordained as royalty.

Eventually, the two would come into more direct conflict when Mary rejected Elizabeth’s suggestion that she marry the Protestant Robert Dudley, the Earl of Leicester, ineffectually portrayed by Joe Alwyn. Mary took things a step further by marrying Catholic and English subject, Lord Darnley, her cousin. That Mary proceeded with the marriage to a family member and English subject without the Queen’s permission was a significant slight.

Eventually, it would be the Protestant and Catholic factions that would be Mary’s undoing but not before we get a baby, a pair of murders, and a rape and finally a beheading. There is a whole lot of drama packed into Mary Queen of Scots but it doesn’t land because, though Mary and Elizabeth are deeply compelling, the men surrounding them wither in comparison. Schemers, toadies, and sycophants, the men of Mary Queen of Scots do little to deepen the drama of Mary Queen of Scots.

The script repeats the same beats in Mary’s life over and over again. She rises to power, she is challenged by a man and defeats him. She rises again, is challenged by a man and out maneuvers him until finally, her luck runs out. The timeline is confusing as well as we jump ahead months and sometimes years at a time with only a few minor visual cues to indicate such a change.

As I mentioned, the production of Mary Queen of Scots is handsome. The costumes look authentic and lavish, the hair and makeup are gorgeous even as they push the bounds of believability for the period, and the sets have a lived-in and worn down quality that suits the period. I have no issues with the presentation of Mary Queen of Scots, I just wish the story had been as involving as the set dressing.

As it is, Mary Queen of Scots is something of a pot boiler but a trifle of one. The film pretends toward seedy exposes and serious costume drama and never settles on which tone it prefers. A love scene between Mary and Lord Darnley prior to their marriage is intended as a moment of sexy excess but comes across as needless and awkward in execution. Rarely is the sex in Mary Queen of Scots anything necessary or titillating, it’s either uncomfortable, criminal or merely problematic.

So if the film isn’t sexy and it isn’t serious enough to rise to the level of the great costume dramas of the past, then just what is Mary Queen of Scots? At its very least, it is a fine showcase for Ronan and Robbie who bite down on their roles with gusto. If the script were better, the male characters more well-rounded as either foes or allies, and if the film’s shifting in time narrative were cleaner and clearer, perhaps Mary Queen of Scots would work. As it is, it’s messy and narratively unsatisfying despite the stars.

Movie Review: Atonement

Atonement (2007) 

Directed by Joe Wright 

Written by Christopher Hampton 

Starring Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Saorise Ronan, Romala Garai, Vanessa Redgrave

Release Date December 7th, 2007 

Published December 25th, 2007 

Everything about the toney new feature film Atonement screams LOVE ME to the film lover. It has that classy British setting, those classy English accents, and it arrives with more fawning praise than Mike Huckabee on a Fox News show. Critics absolutely adore Atonement with more than 86% positive notices on Rotten Tomatoes, the ultimate tracker of critical opinion. And yet, I'm unconvinced. Everything tells me I should love this picture and yet I don't. I watched it and I was unmoved. Atonement is remote, emotionally distant, and disconnected.

Atonement features highly self involved characters acting in their own self interest with little to no reason for us to care for them. It begins when one character, young Briony (played as a youngster by Saorise Ronan and later by Romala Garai and still later by Dame Vanessa Redgrave), mistakes a bit of unusual flirting between her sister Cecilia and the family gardener Robbie as some sort of violent encounter. Later, when Briony interrupts a private tryst between the two her suspicions become dangerous. Another incident, this one involving a female cousin, offers her just the opportunity to compound her misunderstandings into a criminal matter that finds Robbie off to prison accused of assault.

Avoiding a jail sentence by leaping into the war effort in France, Robbie and Cecilia remain in love as he fights to clear his name and survive having been left for dead on the French countryside. Meanwhile, Briony has grown up and come to understand her misunderstanding and all of the pain she caused. She attempts to ATONE, ho ho, for her sins by leaving the life of privilege's to follow Robbie and Cecilia into the war effort, Cecilia is an army nurse having shunned family and privilege's for the love of Robbie and a shabby flat in the city.

It's quite a story and writer director Joe Wright is quite a storyteller. The problems come too often from how the story is told. Multiple flashbacks taken from different characters points of view are meant to illustrate the many misunderstandings going on. However, as filmed these elements feel like the filmmakers way of fucking with the audience. Twists and turns basically jerk you around until finally you just don't care anymore, or at least I didn't care anymore. I can definitely see where some might not be as ticked off by the many plot machinations of Atonement, but I was irritated.

I was also irritated by these self involved characters. Whether lounging in the idyll of British upper class malaise or suffering in silence during the war these characters are so astonishingly self involved that one can't help but be turned off by them. First you have Briony who even after growing up and understanding her own foolishness. Even after willingly giving up everything to atone for her sins, she remains amazingly self involved. She doesn't give up everything to make it up to her sister and Robbie, it's all about relieving her own guilt. And she is the emotional center of the film!

As for McAvoy and Knightley, they craft a shabbily threadbare romantic pair. These two are also all about themselves with little care for each other or those around them. It's all about their sadness and their suffering. Even as war and death mount about them they show care only for their immediate self interest. How am I supposed to care about them when they care about themselves enough for all the rest of us. The supporting characters only make things worse, especially the young cousin played by Juno Temple and a sleezy family friend played by Paul Marshall.

What is truly unfortunate is that irritation was the only feeling I had throughout Atonement. For as opulent, lush and beautiful as Atonement is, it's also remote and emotionally distant. The characters emotions are mostly interior and self referential and we are outside with little ability to identify or care about these people. Given all of the big emotions in play, love, betrayal, heartache, desperation and hope, we should be invested here. But we are not.

Atonement is far from being a bad film. Joe Wright's skill as a director is well demonstrated with the gorgeous, sweeping cinematography and grand settings and costumes, Atonement  is one of the finest looking, well crafted pictures in this decade. It's the emotion and the style of storytelling that I fail to connect with.

In the end, if you are going to watch the Oscars in February you will want to have watched Atonement. Given that my detachment from the film was far from the consensus I am convinced the film will be a major contender. I however, will not be rooting for the film. I will observe any nominations with the same distant appreciation these characters seem to have for each and inspired within me as I watched their stories play out.

Movie Review: City of Ember

City of Ember (2008) 

Directed by Gil Kenan 

Written by Caroline Thompson 

Starring Saorise Ronan, Harry Treadaway, Bill Murray, Tim Robbins, Martin Landau, Toby Jones 

Release Date October 10th, 2008 

Published October 9th, 2008

With humanity forced underground, two teens try to figure out why and how they can escape. She is Lina Mayfleet (Saorise Ronan). He is Doone Harrow (Harry Treadaway). Though they weren't aware of it, Lina and Doone's parents were close friends. In fact, they were part of a secret society that were the first to try to escape from Ember. Lina and Doone have the advantage of a map handed down by the builders, the scientists who created the underground city as their own society was crushed by some unseen force, either environmental or nuclear. 

The buliders created the map and instructions for leaving Ember and locked them in a time sealed box incapable of being opened for 200 years. The box was supposed to be passed from one mayor of Ember to the next but at some point it was lost along with the instructions for reclaiming the earth's surface. Lina finds the box in a closet in her grandmothers home. She takes it to her pal Doone and together they follow the instructions leading to an extraordinary adventure.

City of Ember was produced by the folks at Walden Media whose abundance of religious metaphors can be a little ham fisted. Here the Builders stand in for a belief in a higher power. They are even thought by the truly faithful to be returning someday. The metaphor is obvious and overblown but the director, Gil Kenan, is smart not to get bogged down in the overt demonstration. Using his exceptional cast, especially Bill Murray as the town's bumbling, inept mayor, Kenan never lets things get bogged down by metaphor. He also makes great use of action, especially near the end where a boat trip mimics Indiana Jones Temple of Doom coal chute chase.

Saorise Ronan is a lovely young actress whose big eyes never portray anything but earnest commitment to purpose. Her Lina wasn't looking to leave Ember, she in fact had just received the job of her dreams as red cape wearing messenger, a job that allows her to indulge her quick feet. However, with the town experiencing growing blackouts and food shortages, it becomes her mission to not merely save herself but the community of Ember that is her surrogate family. Doone's interest wasn't leaving either, he was compelled by something to believe he could fix the generator.

When he is assigned to work as pipefitter he hopes to use it's proximity to the great generator to get in there and solve the problem. Doone's arc goes from fearful and frantic to realistic and hopeful. When confronted with evidence of a world outside of Ember Doone abandons his grandiose plans for a more arduous journey with what he hopes greater results. Doone and Lina spark well together and their entirely chaste romance, expressed only in brief hand holding, is charming in an old school, kids movie kind of way. I like movies that manage to entertain while acting their age and that is what City of Ember does.

Gil Kenan knows he is making this movie for young children and avoids any humor or violence that might overwhelm the target audience. It sounds as if he is censoring himself but the film remains entertaining which demonstrates Kenan's talent, he doesn't need to be simpleminded or vulgar to achieve the film he wants to make.

City of Ember has it's flaws but in the end what mattered was my smile. I started smiling the moment Saorise Ronan came onscreen, arriving late at school with an important assembly already underway and she needing to be on stage, till the end. Kids movies that don't condescend or speak down to kids are in too short supply. City of Ember deserves your movie dollar for simply being that kind of thoughtful kids flick. Saorise Ronan is a young star in the making and I can't wait to see what she does next. Here's hoping it's as smart and fun as City of Ember.

Movie Review: The Way Back

The Way Back (2010) 

Directed by Peter Weir

Written by Peter Weir, Keith Clarke

Starring Jim Sturgess, Ed Harris, Saorise Ronan, Colin Farrell

Release Date December 29th, 2010 

Published December 27th. 2010

Sometimes a movie will place a critic in the odd position of appreciating the artistry and craftsmanship involved and yet leaves the critic almost entirely incapable of recommending the film. Director Peter Weir's The Way Back is a movie that inspires such a feeling. The work here is exceptional but it is exceptional in delivering a cinematic experience that I would not recommend to the average filmgoer trained on mainstream, Hollywood genre films.

The Way Back tells a remarkable true story in a fashion that feels intensely real. In 1942 three men emerged in India, then under the British flag, claiming that they had walked 4000 miles from a Siberian Gulag. The journey, if true, cost the lives of 6 other members of their party and had taken them across the frozen forests of Russia, through the Gobi Desert, and finally over the Himalayas 

In 1941 we watch as Janusz (Sturgess) is accused of treason by Russian military authorities who tortured his wife in order to get a confession. Janusz is sentenced to five years in a Siberian Gulag where the harsh conditions hold life expectancy well below Janusz's sentence. The prison is surrounded on all sides by unforgiving frozen wasteland and with few supplies to hoard and fewer places to hoard them; death would seem to be the only possible escape.

The forbidding forest however, doesn't intimidate Janusz who enlists several other inmates in an unlikely escape attempt. Among the prisoners is an American named Mr. Smith (Ed Harris) and a criminal, Valka (Colin Farrell), whose only appeal is that he has a knife that could be handy for hunting and protection. Several other nameless inmates come along but all seem to melt into one behind thick accents.

The names aren't important; it's the remarkable and unlikely journey that is the star of The Way Back. Escaping the gulag turns out to be the easy part. The trouble for these brave journeymen will be surviving the forbidding wasteland and getting out of Communist territories where, if they were caught, they could easily be shipped back to Siberia. This means getting to India, more than 4000 miles away. 

The Way Back is based on a book ghost written on behalf of a Polish World War 2 veteran named Slawomir Rawicz. However, Rawicz’s account was found to be false based on documents, some in Rawicz's own hand, which showed he had been released as part of a general amnesty in 1942. Then again, records from Russian prisons amid World War 2 are notoriously unreliable, especially after more than 50 years. 

In 2009 another Polish vet named Witold Glinski emerged to say that Rawicz's story was true but also stated that it was his story as he told it to Rawicz. Investigators and historians are still weighing the truth of Glinski's claim. Regardless of truth or fiction though, the story, as captured by director Peter Weir, is a grueling trek filled with death, despair, and triumph in heartbreaking detail. 

Jim Sturgess is a terrific star for The Way Back. With his soft face and warm, kind eyes, you can't help but feel for him and root for him. Ed Harris meanwhile is just the right stalwart second in command of this journey, a man so hard you are welcome to wonder if the freezing cold of the forest or the intense heat of the desert could penetrate his cragginess. Colin Farrell then, is on hand to give the film a little life beyond Sturgess's straight arrow hero and Harris's distant toughness. I can imagine many film financiers saying no to The Way Back without someone of Farrell's star power. Even under dirty makeup and crooked teeth Farrell is a charismatic presence. 

Director Peter Weir spares no image to demonstrate how difficult this journey was, as if merely describing a 4000 mile trek from Siberia to Tibet, over the Himalayas and ending in India were not enough. There is yeoman work on the part of the cast and the makeup department to demonstrate the physical toll this 11 month journey took on the seven men and one woman, played by Saorise Ronan, who made it. 

The Way Back is extraordinarily effective. Watching the film, it is as if you can feel the bone chilling cold, the burn of the sweltering heat, and the emptiness of starvation and dehydration. Peter Weir, not unlike Danny Boyle in 127 Hours, wants to give you some approximation of the physical toll being exacted on his protagonists so those feelings can underline the feeling of triumph at the end of this allegedly true story. 

I want to recommend The Way Back because it is so very well made. Peter Weir is a master director who gives this story a visceral, agonizing and yet triumphant feel. But, based on my description is this a movie you want to see? At well over 2 hours The Way Back is an extensive and exhaustive inventory of suffering even with it’s thrilling and cathartic conclusion. The poster for The Way Back could boast the word ‘Grueling’ and count it as a positive. 

Film buffs and historians perhaps will be rewarded with a comprehensive, fictional account of what may be the greatest single physical feat that a man has ever undertaken. The truth of Witold Glinski's story remains in question but history buffs may find the details of Weir's telling of this story revealing. Film buffs will surely be impressed with director Peter Weir's masterful direction but beyond the buffs The Way Back is a tough movie and one that I cannot recommend for a general audience.

The feel good ending is great but the journey to get there is agonizing and that’s not really the reason most people go to the movies. Unless you are someone who hears a movie described as ‘Grueling’ and ‘Agonizing’ and gets excited, I would recommend not seeing The Way Back. Perhaps as a primer, read Ronald Downing’s book, ‘The Long Walk, on which The Way Back is based. If you can get through that book and think you want to see that in a movie, then see The Way Back.

Movie Review Hanna

Hanna (2011) 

Directed by Joe Wright 

Written by Seth Lochhead, David Farr 

Starring Saorise Ronan, Eric Bana, Cate Blanchett, Olivia Williams, Jason Flemyng 

Release Date April 8th, 2011 

Published April 7th, 2011 

Hanna (Saorise Ronan) is a teenage girl living in the forest with her survivalist father (Eric Bana). Eric Heller has dedicated his life to teaching his daughter skills needed not just for survival in the wild but survival in a world where unseen forces are trying to kill her. Eric's motto, drilled into Hanna's brain daily, is 'adapt or die.' The incongruity of such harsh words coming from the mouth of a lithe blonde 15 year old girl is jarring as so much of the movie Hanna is jarring.

Directed by Joe Wright Hanna is an exercise in style and substance. Wright, best known for his Oscar nominated "Atonement," brings a great deal of action movie style to "Hanna" with long, uncut takes that have the camera following characters through complex choreographed fights that are refreshing compared to most other action movie director's affinity for  super fast edits that hide the action behind layers of trickery.

As I mentioned, there is also an experimental substance as well. Unlike the brainless titillation of "Sucker Punch," "Hanna" takes a teenage girl with unique fighting skills and examines the effect such disturbing ability might have on a girl rather than dressing her in fetish gear and exploiting her nubile flesh. This examination does not come with long periods of expository dialogue but rather plays on the extraordinary face and in the actions of star Saorise Ronan.

Matching Ronan's superb performance is that of Cate Blanchett as calculated C.I.A killer Marisa Wiegler. Wiegler was Eric Heller's handler on a black op that abruptly ended. Both Hanna and her late mother were part of this aborted operation and when Heller tried to keep them from being eliminated, Wiegler tried to kill him and did kill Hanna's mother. Blanchett's deep cold performance has odd nuance and a chilling resolution. This is a relatively small role for such a well known actress but Blanchett treats the part with the seriousness of a Bond villain and the complexity of the kind of part that could earn her an Oscar nomination.

The rest of the cast, including Jason Flemyng, Olivia Williams and Jessica Barden as members of a family who befriend Hanna on her journey from Morocco to Germany to the German thugs that Marisa hires to capture Hanna and kill anyone she comes in contact with, are exceptionally well placed within this unique story. Tom Hollander is especially chilling as the constantly whistling killer, Isaacs, whose ungodly creepiness leads to a pair of exceptional final act scenes.

Complex and exceptionally well directed, "Hanna" is a real stunner.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Pt 1

The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn (2011) 

Directed by Bill Condon

Written by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Kellen Lutz

Release Date November 18th, 2011 

Published November 17th, 2011 

You have to be a fan of the Twilight books to appreciate The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. If you aren't a 'Twi-Hard' I very much do not recommend Breaking Dawn which, when looked at objectively, is a shockingly bad movie. We begin with the wedding of Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart). It's a lovely outdoor gathering that is beautifully shot and entirely forgettable. Weddings in movies tend to come at the end of the movie, it's incongruous to have a wedding at the start of the film and thus Breaking Dawn gets off on a strange footing.

From the wedding we are whisked briefly to Brazil and then off to the Cullen's heretofore unmentioned private island; just how rich are these vamps? Here is where we arrive at what was supposed to be a spectacular love scene; Twi-hards' have been buzzing about it since  Breaking Dawn hit bookshelves. As with most hype, reality cannot compete with the build-up. Edward and Bella destroy their marital bed with their passion but the naughtiest bits are off-limits because of the need for the PG-13 rating. What we get instead is the erotic power of a vampire love scene rendered as an adult contemporary music video.

The trailer has told you that Bella gets knocked up, though it's not on the first try. Director Bill Condon makes us wait through an interminable 15 to 20 minutes of Edward resisting his wife's sexual advances because their first encounter left her bruised and he doesn't want to hurt her. Here we have the erotic power of the vampire rendered moot while we watch two attractive young people play chess and engage in one of the least interesting bits of foreplay in movie history. When Edward finally does give in, that's when Bella gets knocked up and the story of Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 really is supposed to kick in.

No one, not Edward's ancient vampire dad, Carlisle (Peter Fascinelli), not random intuitive Brazilian women, or even caring pug nosed werewolf boys, knows whether a human can safely carry a vampire baby or, if she does carry the baby, can she survive the birth? Meanwhile, the werewolves decide, somewhat randomly, that a vampire baby is a violation of their peace treaty with the Cullen's and transform into their enemy. After having helped the Cullen's in previous movies and after beginning Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 wishing to maintain the peace, you can color me confused as to why the wolves suddenly found themselves itching for a fight.

I have a tendency to apply logic where it's not welcome and with that in mind here's a question: If the Cullen's can afford to buy an island off the coast of Brazil then why not just fly in their medical equipment to said island instead of bringing Bella back to Forks and risking the wrath of the werewolves? (It's a rhetorical question Twi-hards and if the answer is in the book, I don't care, it's not in the movie.) Fans of the book, I'm sure, can fill in the blanks. I however, am a film critic and from my perspective the random changes in motivations that these characters portray is sloppy and ill-conceived; it was as if the werewolves were drawn at random to be the bad guys in Breaking Dawn Pt. 1.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 is, in all honesty, for someone who hasn't read the books, a Razzie-worthy effort in which scene after scene tumbles on to the screen with a self-serious thud. The characters are humorless which, when combined with high camp scenes of Edward and Bella's romantic chess playing and a werewolf town-hall meeting in which ungodly goofy looking CGI wolves telepathically yell at each other, makes for cringe-worthy unintentional comedy.

Stay after the credits for the biggest unintentional laugh however, as one of the best actors working today delivers one of the worst line readings of the year. It's a line read so horrible that this moment alone should have an award waiting at the Razzies. (Sorry Michael Sheen.) If you are a fan of Twilight then nothing I can say about the film is going to matter to you. I am not trashing your favorite books; I've never read them. I can only critique the movie and objectively The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 is a lovely looking bad movie.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga Eclipse

The Twilight Saga Eclipse (2010) 

Directed by David Slade 

Written by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Bryce Dallas Howard, Elizabeth Reaser

Release Date June 30th, 2010 

Published June 29th, 2010

The Twilight movies are about sex. Sex is why the Cullen family, and indeed all Vampires are so damned Gap model attractive. Sex is why Taylor Lautner’s Jacob, and the rest of his Wolf pack are shirtless for most of the movie. The denial of sex from Edward to Bella, from Bella to Jacob, is the driving force of the plot of the latest Twilight chapter “Eclipse” and it makes for one exceptionally irritating tease. Not to mention one truly irresponsible and outdated morality play.

As we rejoin the “Twilight Saga,” a young man in Seattle is being menaced in the rain. He is soon bitten and will become a Vampire, the first in an army of newborn Vamps under the control of the evil redhead Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard). She is building an army to attack the Cullen Clan and especially Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), the love of Victoria's mortal enemy Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson).

Bella and Edward, reunited after Edward tried to runaway in “New Moon,” are now in the full blossom of love, as demonstrated by the two of them reading poetry in a flowery meadow together. How else would you know they were in love? Bella is still pestering Edward about becoming a Vampire while Edward talks of marriage.

Meanwhile, Bella has drama with her pal Jacob, yet another of Edward's sworn enemies, who happens to also be in love with Bella. Bella has feelings for Jacob and this love triangle is supposed to be a source of deathly, primal, tension that smolders off of the screen but as written and played it comes off much more like two boys fighting over a favored toy.

Bella and Jacob haven't spoken in the months since she chose Edward over him but, when Victoria returns to their tiny corner of Washington State, Jacob wants to know that Bella is protected and that he and his wolf pack are ready to do the protecting if Edward and his vampires can't do it. Victoria’s army leads to a truce between the Cullen clan and the Wolf pack and some newborn vampire heads get crushed in the film’s best sequence.

The battle scenes staged by director David Slade have a crisp, professional look that was desperately lacking in the first two Twilight movies. Slade's experience on the vampire flick “30 Days of Night” definitely pays off here even as he is restrained by a bloodless PG-13 rating. Did you know that Vampires are made of marble? I’m not kidding, freaking marble, like tabletops. Goofy as that sounds, the visual of marble crushed by Vampire fist and Werewolf teeth is pretty cool.

As an action movie, this is certainly the best of the Twilight brand of action. But, “Twilight” is not about Vampires and Werewolves punching and biting one another in some CGI universe. No, “Twilight” is about sex, more to the point, it's about spreading a fear and loathing of sex. Stephanie Meyer has crafted a morality play in which Vampirism and the Werewolf version of eternal love, known as ‘Imprinting,’ are merely poorly veiled metaphors for sex. The pain of turning into a Vampire, the fear of Edward’s uncontrollable ‘blood’ lust and Jacob’s animal sexuality are Meyer’s way of making sex dangerous and foreboding.

In the “Twilight” series sex is threatening, mystical and frightening unless you are married. It’s the Purity Ring of movie franchises, clinging desperately to an outdated idea of chastity as the only way to live. Teens are sexually active and the more society attempts to frighten them away from sexuality the more dangerous teen experimentation becomes. Instead of teaching teens the joy of safe, responsible sex, “Twilight” preaches abstinence through fear and encourages ignorance in the form of outdated moralism.

If you must send this chastity/abstinence/purity message then at least do it better than this. In The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, the message is delivered with Ms. Meyer and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg employing undercooked analogies, juvenile romantic fantasy, and groan inducing monologue that run page after page apparently communicating what the writers felt could not be communicated by the cast through that talent known as acting.

Like the first and second film in the saga, “Eclipse” is for fans only. Those who love the books are blind to the immature romance, the stolid monologues, and the attempt to push an abstinence message in the guise of a Vampire movie. I’m sure if Twi-hards would pull their eyes away from Edward’s gleaming skin or Jacob’s rippling abs they would see this series for what it is; but trust me that is never going to happen.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga New Moon

The Twilight Saga New Moon (2009) 

Directed by Chris Weitz 

Written by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Billy Burke, Kellen Lutz, Michael Sheen, Dakota Fanning, Anna Kendrick, Peter Facinelli 

Release Date November 20th, 2009 

Published November 19th, 2009

I am not a member of the cult of Stephanie Meyers. I have only skimmed her series of teen Vampire novels and I found what I did read to be insipid. Her faux- teen angst combined with proto-Shakespearean catchphrases barely serve to cover her puddle deep metaphors for chastity and purity. Sure, she's got Vampires and Werewolves but each is about as dangerous in Ms. Meyers' universe as feral cats. Never mind her complete disregard for decade’s worth of established Vampire lore. 

The movie made from her first book, Twilight, was made tolerable only through the earnest efforts of the talented lead actors Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Though they seemed as uncomfortable with Ms. Meyers goofball pseudo-romance as I was, they sold it like champs. Too bad they had to come back for a sequel.

When last we left preternaturally bummed out Vampire Edward and his beloved Bella they were sharing a moment at the Forks High School Prom. Since then Bella has been suffering nightmares that she believes can only be cured by becoming a Vampire herself. Edward declines, he likes her better not dead.

Things come to a head on Bella's 18th birthday when she cuts herself and is nearly devoured by Edward's family. Feeling guilty that he cannot protect Bella, Edward calls the whole thing off and disappears. A devastated, Bella then falls into the arms of her pal Jakob (Taylor Lautner). Too bad for Bella that Jakob too has a deep, dark, supernatural secret, he's a werewolf who kills Vampires. Ooooh, feel that tension rise?

I am supposed to believe there is tension there, I think. To tell the truth, New Moon, as crafted by directed by Chris Weitz, is such a shambles of mixed motivations, missing scenes and bizarrely edited dream sequences, it's a wonder I managed to feel anything but blind confusion. New Moon is not for the uninitiated. If you have not read the books and even if you have seen the first film, you will likely be at a loss to follow New Moon's many preposterous plot turns. Thankfully, I watched New Moon with a fan or I would have given up after the opening dream sequence or the second ghost Edward. Don't ask.

Fans of the books, I am told, will be exceptionally satisfied with New Moon. The fan I watched it with was in tears at one point from the giddy thrill of seeing her favorite scenes rendered before her eyes. She was also forced to explain things to the rest of us so often that she likely missed a few scenes. It didn't matter to her, the book lives in her brain.

Whither Mr. Pattinson and Ms. Stewart. The yeoman effort that carried them through Twilight is missing almost entirely in New Moon. Mr. Pattinson spits every piece lame dialogue through his clenched, sculpted jaw while Ms. Stewart plays with her hair and cries as her way of fighting through the morass of Stephanie Meyers' puddle deep metaphors and Bard-light dialogue. We get it Stephanie Meyers, Vampire bite equals sex. Sex before marriage means damnation. Blah, blah, blah. I have seen sixth grade school plays with more complex use of metaphor. Insipid representations aside, New Moon is a chore even without the dull witted moralizing.

The Twilight Saga New Moon is a new kind of modern blockbuster, a self reflexive movie meant only to appeal to people guaranteed to love it unconditionally. Fan, as we often must remind ourselves, is short for fanatic, and only a fanatic could so willingly overlook the glaring flaws of writer Stephanie Meyers and the movie made of her book New Moon.

Movie Review: Twilight

Twilight (2008) 

Directed by Catherine Hardwicke 

Written by Melissa Rosenberg 

Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Anna Kendrick, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli

Release Date November 21st, 2008 

Published November 20th, 2008

I must first admit my ignorance of the Twilight phenomena. Not spending much time chatting with members of the tween set, having no teenage daughters, I was blissfully unaware of writer Stephanie Meyers anguished teen vampire romance series. Now that the series and movie have become inescapable the culture vulture in me has absorbed as much as I can about the series without resorting to actually reading the weighty tomes themselves. Does the overall ignorance of the book prevent me from offering fair insight of the movie? Hardly.

Freed of the need to refer back to the efficacy of book to movie I am able to judge the movie for what it is without the weight of the literary literalism that will, no doubt, arise within those who find Stephanie Meyers words sacred. Twilight is a loosely Shakespearean romance that lifts, as does much modern romance, from the Bard's Romeo and Juliet, a tale of tragic, agonized love. Edward Cullen is a shy, pasty faced young man with no friends in school. He hovers close to four equally pallid brothers and sisters and rejects the world around him.

Bella Swan is similar in ghostly appearance to Edward. Her pale whiteness an oddity as her character comes from the sun drenched deserts of Arizona. Nevertheless, Bella and Edward could bond over the necessity for sunscreen but they don't. Bella is also similarly afflicted with the need to avoid social interaction. Though she is adopted by a social group of boys and girls in her new school in Forks Washington, where this story plays out, Bella is never comfortable. Her elusive manner and general social discomfort are yet another bonding opportunity for she and Edward.

And bond they do. After nearly 2 acts worth of scenes of doubt and confusion, Edward and Bella admit they are destined to be together. Therein comes the major complication. Aware to us from the start, Bella is thusly introduced to Edward's deepest secret; he is a vampire. Moreover, her blood has a particular scent that drives him near frenzy. He fears that he cannot control the instinct to devour her but he cannot stay away from her either. For her part Bella is infatuated with Edward's stunning edifice. The kid is great looking. Add that face to his tortured poet manner and he is irresistible.

Now, if you can't follow the glaring metaphors, shining nearly as bright as Edward's diamond dust skin in the bright sunlight (I'll explain later), you really should pay closer attention. Meyers and now screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg, have crafted an allegory about sex, teens, hormones, abstinence and marriage. Lust, temptation and resistance are Twilight's true subjects. Vampires are merely the construct, an enticement to read more about the strength it takes to love but not make love. If Bella and Edward are anything more than lusty teens longing for a backseat or basement couch I'll eat my hat.

The dangers of the vampire are merely a representation of all that could go wrong should the teens indulge their urges. Edward could infect or even kill Bella if he allowed things to go to far. Indeed, Edward carries the burden of much of the metaphor, his being the dangerous condition. Bella is merely tempting and tempted.

The metonymy is fairly simpleminded and once you have sussed it out and discarded it as obvious; you are left with director Catherine Hardwicke and her exceptionally mediocre effort to give it cinematic life. Twilight the movie, beyond the metaphor, is a flabby, shabby effort of a mind numbing length and amateur special effects. Then there is absolute disregard for all that we know of vampires. Edward and his family walk in daylight. No burning skin, no running for cover, not even a passing reference to the need for sunscreen. Now, the Cullen clan does have issues with the sun but it's not a fiery death they fear.

Click here for my review

Movie Review Jumper

Jumper (2008) 

Directed by Doug Liman 

Written by David S. Goyer, Simon Kinberg, Jim Uhls 

Starring Hayden Christensen, Jamie Bell, Rachel Bilson, Kristen Stewart, Michael Rooker, Anna Sophia Robb, Diane Lane, Samuel L. Jackson 

Release Date February 14th, 2008

Published February 13th, 2008

David Rice (Hayden Christensen) can be anywhere he imagines in a moment's notice. Surfing in Hawaii, lunching atop the sphinx, or across his apartment without having to step around the coffee table, David has the ability "Jump" anywhere. It's a cool talent to have. David uses this unique talent to rob banks. Don't fret, he leaves IOU's. That is the premise of Jumper the latest from director Doug Liman starring the perpetually quivery Hayden Christenson.

As a teenager David Rice fell through the thin ice of a lake and was nearly killed. At the last moment he imagined the local library and was transported there. Slowly coming to grips with this new ability to go anywhere he wants with a single thought, David starts by using his new ability to escape his angry bitter father (Michael Rooker). Needing a getaway location, David takes off for New York and is soon robbing banks to finance a comfortable lifestyle. It is then that he meets Roland Cox (Samuel L. Jackson) who is some kind of supernatural cop. Roland explains the plot, David is a Jumper and Roland is a Paladin. Paladin's hunt Jumpers and kill them.

Narrowly escaping his paladin encounter, David meets a fellow Jumper named Griffin (Jamie Bell) and is warned that Paladins will kill everyone he has ever known in their attempt to find him. This leads David back home and to the girl who he left behind, Millie (Rachel Bilson). While David watches out for the Paladins, he and Millie rekindle their childhood romance. Once the Paladins arrive however, it kicks off a worldwide war between Jumpers and Paladins. 

It's not a bad comic book premise really. The problem is it's underdeveloped as a movie. The rules for Jumpers and Paladins are vague and are sloppily made up as the movie goes. along. Rules then are disregarded when the plot requires them to be. The idea is merely a hanger on which director Doug Liman and his effects team can hang a number of huge special effects shots and a travelogue of worldwide locations from Tokyo to London to Rome to whatever other touristy location a majority of the audience might recognize. The effects aren't bad, for the most part, but who cares. If I wanted to watch the world go by I would watch the Travel Channel.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review In the Land of Women

In the Land of Women (2007) 

Directed by Jon Kasden 

Written by Jon Kasden 

Starring Adam Brody, Kristen Stewart, Meg Ryan, Olympia Dukakis, Makenzie Vega 

Release Date April 20th, 2007 

Published April 25th, 2007 

As a writer myself, I am naturally sympathetic to writers as characters. I was seduced by Sideways because Paul Giamatti's sad sack, unsuccessful novelist, hit just a little close to home. Barton Fink is an almost impenetrable piece; but for the writers of the world it's a work of uncompromising genius because it's about a writer.

So, I was destined to identify in some way with Adam Brody's Carter in the new movie In The Land of Women. As a heart broken writer myself, I can easily relate to the selfish, self loathing, self centered sadness that leads one to write either wondrous prose or sad pathetic trash. Carter's writing is left purposefully vague but the writer's angst is written on Brody's face in a star-making performance.

As Carter Webb; screenwriter for 'feature length softcore erotica', Adam Brody captures that writer's longing to take what has been so desperately percolating in his brain and communicate it to a world he just knows will understand its genius. In Carter's case it's a story about his time in a pricey private high school; far removed from the typical high school experiences of the John Hughes variety.

He's been trying to write this story for years but can't find the words. He will put this story further to the side when his actress girlfriend, Sophie (Elena Anaya), gets her big break and dumps him. Devastated and looking for an escape; Carter takes up an offer to care for his grandmother, Phyllis (Olympia Dukakis), in a tiny Michigan suburb; miles and miles away from his disappointments in Los Angeles.

On his arrival in Michigan Carter finds his grandmother living in filth and slightly demented. On the bright side; his neighbors are a fantastic group of women. There is Sarah (Meg Ryan), mother of two wonderful daughters and the wife of a louse who she knows, without actual evidence, is cheating on her. Smart and headstrong and more than a little quirky, Sarah is the first to befriend Carter when he moves in.

Sarah's daughter Lucy (Kristen Stewart) is equally resourceful and headstrong but far more impetuous than her mother. She takes on Carter after her mom asks her to take him to a movie. Lucy's little sister Paige (Mackenzie Vega), is a strange little thing, funny but just slightly off in every way. This quirky trio each bring Carter into their confidence for their own reasons and through them Carter finds some of the fulfillment his life was lacking.

If you aren't rolling your eyes at that description then you are quite generous. My description doesn't quite do justice to the more subtle pleasures of In The Land of Women. Don't get me wrong, my description is accurate, but thanks to a talented ensemble, the more ugh-worthy moments become palatable and the truly enjoyable moments will have you smiling till the end.

Jonathan Kasdan is the progeny of Hollywood royalty. His father, Lawrence Kasdan, directed Body Heat, The Big Chill and Grand Canyon. Brother Jake Kasdan is a rising star, writer and director in his own right; whose Zero Effect is an underappreciated gem. The pedigree gives Jonathan a professional edge and that professional edge is not just the rub of a famous family.

Jonathan is a legit talent, smart with his camera with a good sense of control over his storytelling. He needs to work on his pacing; at times In The Land of Women drags; nearly to a halt; but, for the most part, the good natured spirit and a very talented ensemble carries over the boring aspects. The story is a little ham-fisted thanks to a couple of truly melodramatic plot points, the disease of the week, and the conveniently evil spouse, but, with time, I'm sure, Jon Kasdan will eventually work out the kinks.

Like his director, Adam Brody is a legit talent. The kid languished for a few overly ironic seasons on TV's The O.C. Now with the yoke of weekly teen melodramatics off of his shoulders he really shows what a funny, sardonic and appealing actor he truly is. His Carter Webb is a lovable sort who has your sympathy from his first pathetic whimper to his final irony laced smile.

Reminiscent of a young Tom Hanks in the looks department, he could be the heir to the throne that Robert Downey Jr was never able to claim. Filling the void of the generation's sad comic voice, Brody is angst rendered in flesh with the perfect sardonic armor and just good looking enough to be appealing beyond his humor. Downey Jr. was set to become to the 80's teens what Brody could be to this upcoming generation, a hipster icon.

Against my better judgment, I liked much of In The Land of Women. The melodramatic elements can be a little irritating and overwrought, and the film drags a bit in the middle but the overall movie works. It works because Jon Kasdan is a director with a passionate voice and a genuine love of these characters and because of a tremendously talented ensemble lead by rising star Adam Brody and a strong comeback performance by the lovable Meg Ryan.

No need to wait for the DVD, take someone you like to see In The Land of Women.