Movie Review: Barbershop 2

Barbershop 2 Back in Business

Directed by Kevin Rodney Sullivan

Written by Don D. Scott 

Starring Ice Cube, Cedric the Entertainer, Sean Patrick Thomas, Eve, Troy Garity, Michael Ealy 

Release Date February 6th, 2004 

Published February 5th, 2004 

There is an insidious disease raging through Hollywood. It's a disease that can afflict any number of good films and seemingly good ideas. It happened to Men In Black, it happened to Jaws, it happened to Jurassic Park and countless other franchises. The disease is sequelitis, and it strikes when Hollywood executives try to take advantage of a successful product by forcing a mediocre money grabbing follow up. 

The latest casualty of sequelitis is the 2002 surprise hit Barbershop starring Ice Cube. The film’s surprise success, nearly 100 million in domestic box office for a film that only cost around 25 million to make, threw execs into a feeding frenzy leading to the creation of an inferior sequel made solely for the purpose of printing money.

Calvin and his charismatic crew of barbers are all back in the shop for another round of loud talking and head cuttin'. The crew, Eddie (Cedric The Entertainer), Ricky (Michael Ealy), Terri (Eve), Dinka (Leonard Earl Howze) and Isaac (Troy Garrity) are still hard at work. Eddie is still stirring things up with controversial topics ranging from Bill Clinton to the DC Sniper. Ricky is moonlighting at school getting his GED while romancing Terri. Dinka has a burgeoning romance with a girl from the neighboring hair salon and Isaac has become a star cutter even signing his work. The crew’s former teammate Jimmy has left the shop to work for a corrupt local alderman played by Robert Wisdom.

The story is a lethargic take on some of the same themes from the first film. In this case, it's the encroachment of big business chain stores in the shop’s southside Chicago neighborhood. A developer played by Harry Lennix is attempting to buy up the neighborhood and replace the tiny mom & pop stores with chains like Starbucks and a new hair salon called Nappy Cutz which he plans to open right across the street from Calvin's. Nappy Cutz offers food, massages, basketball and various other amenities to go with your hair cut.

Calvin tries to be competitive but in doing so, he nearly forgets why his shop became a neighborhood institution in the first place. The film is rounded out by an odd subplot involving Eddie's history in getting work in the barbershop and the woman he nearly married reappearing. The subplot is cute and well played by Cedric The Entertainer but it never feels like anything more than filler. Also on the filler side is a subplot that introduces Queen Latifah as Gina, one of the stylists at the beauty shop next door to Calvin's. The subplot is only in place to setup a spin-off series starring Latifah that will launch later this year.

The Beauty Shop spin-off looks kind of funny but also feels like another very cynical cash grab, another attempt to squeeze this Barbershop cash cow for more and more money.

Barbershop 2 has bright moments, it's just as smart and quick witted as the original film. However, it lacks that first film’s energy and coherence. Especially in its ending which wraps thing's up a little too easily and unsatisfyingly abrupt. Director Kevin Rodney Sullivan, picking up the reigns from Director Tim Story's original, can't seem to find a consistent theme. He has the set pieces, the likable characters and enough smart funny dialogue but not enough of a story to give it all proper context.

Barbershop 2 is not a bad film but it is obviously inferior to the original Barbershop. Another casualty of sequelitis.

Movie Review: The Big Bounce

The Big Bounce (2004) 

Directed by George Armitage 

Written by Sebastian Guttierez 

Starring Owen Wilson, Sara Foster, Charlie Sheen, Gary Sinise, Vinnie Jones, Morgan Freeman 

Release Date January 30th, 2004

Published February 3rd, 2004 

The books of Elmore Leonard have been adapted for the screen more than John Grisham’s have and almost as often as Stephen King’s have. And like Grisham and King’s adaptations, they are extremely hit and miss. When they're good, like Out Of Sight, Jackie Brown, or Get Shorty, they are very good. When they are bad they are very bad like 1997's Touch starring Skeet Ulrich. Or bad like the first time Leonard's novel The Big Bounce was brought to the screen in 1969--a humorless, dull caper flick with Ryan O'Neal and Leigh Taylor Young. The latest adaptation of The Big Bounce at least brings a little light humor to its throwaway caper plot, but it is just as inconsequential as the original and yet another letdown of it's source material.

The Big Bounce stars Owen Wilson as small time criminal Jack Ryan, a con man looking to lay low on the big island of Hawaii. Unfortunately, Jack is the type who can't avoid trouble and while working a construction gig, he can't help but draw the ire of his bosses, evil land developers played by Gary Sinise, Charlie Sheen and Vinnie Jones. Jack's one friend, Frank (Gregory Sporleder), isn't much help either, encouraging Jack to get back into the breaking and entering racket to help Frank pay off his numerous debts.

Then Jack meets real trouble in the form of his former boss's mistress Nancy (Sara Foster), a sun-baked surf goddess with a penchant for those unfortunate criminal types like Jack. Nancy is working an angle to steal money from Sinise's evil land developer and enlists Jack to help her pull it off. This begins a fun little romance plot with the very sexy Foster getting Wilson's surfer dude con-man into all sorts of trouble. All of which leads to a major twist involving a local judge played by Morgan Freeman and Sinise's drunkard wife played by Bebe Neuwirth.

In the Elmore Leonard universe of hip lingo and languid humor, The Big Bounce is a fun, if forgettable little story, sexy and surprising and always cool. In the film however every bit of humor is strained for and the coolness that Leonard has always injected through dialogue and setting is replaced by Wilson's charming surfer attitude. Wilson is charming and funny but out of place. His character is so laid back and care free that there never seems to be anything at stake.

For his part Sinise would seem to be pivotal in the plot but he is merely a cameo in the film. Instead, the bad guy slack is picked up by Sheen in a role that is badly miscalculated and mind blowingly out of place. Sheen's dunderheaded character is never a threat to anyone and thus has no weight in scenes where he is seemingly the heavy. His character's relationship with Wilson's character is confusing; are they friends? He did bail jack out of jail. They fight, but why they are fighting and why does nothing of consequence happen after the fight? It all just adds to the confounding dynamic between Wilson and Sheen.

For his part, Owen Wilson is the film’s best asset. His laid back charm is fun and enjoyable but it has little context. The romance with Foster is fun and sexy, Foster is unbelievably gorgeous, but the plot is Byzantine in explaining whether they have feelings for one another or not and is noncommittal about those feelings all the way to the films unsatisfying conclusion.

On the bright side, when it's freezing cold and there is a foot of snow on the ground it is nice to escape for ninety or so minutes of fun in the sun on the beaches of Hawaii. But that is not nearly enough for me to recommend The Big Bounce. 

Movie Review: Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (2004) 

Directed by Robert Luketic 

Written by Victor Levin 

Starring Topher Grace, Kate Bosworth, Josh Duhamel, Sean Hayes, Nathan Lane, Ginnifer Goodwin

Release Date January 23rd, 2004

January 22nd, 2004

There have been a number of films made about big stars coming to small towns and stirring up a frenzy. My favorites are State and Main, David Mamet's caustic, witty satire of Hollywood and Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael, a sadly underrated eighties movies lost in the crush of John Hughes clones. The latest entry into this small sub-genre is Win A Date With Tad Hamilton! starring Kate Bosworth and Topher Grace, a film in the spirit of Roxy but desperately in the need of Mamet's wit.

The Tad Hamilton of the title is Josh Duhamel from TV's “Las Vegas.” Duhamel's Tad is your typical Hollywood bad boy with a serious image problem. His managers, two of them both named Richard Levy (Sean Hayes and Nathan Lane), have to rehab his bad boy image in order to land a plum film role. The idea they come up with is straight out of some ultra-wholesome fifties teen beat style magazine, "Win A Date With Tad Hamilton".

The winner of the dream date is 22 year old Rosalee Futch (Kate Bosworth), a grocery store clerk from a small town in West Virginia. Rosalee is flown out to LA, put up in a great hotel suite and finally has her date with the man of her dreams, Tad. The date is perfectly chaste, especially by Tad's usually debauched standards, but Tad ends up feeling a real connection with the small town girl who has all the good qualities that he lacks.

Once Rosalee returns to West Virginia and to the welcoming arms of her two best friends, Cathy (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Pete (Topher Grace), it seems that Tad Hamilton was a one time adventure. That is certainly what Pete was thinking when he decided to reveal to Rosalee that he's been in love with her for years. Of course, wouldn't you know it, before Pete can reveal his feelings in walks Tad Hamilton.

This sets up a very conventional romantic triangle plot. A plot that has been done a thousand times and isn't much improved on here. What makes it slightly more tolerable in this film is the terrific comic performance of “That 70's Show” star Topher Grace. With his quick wit, neurotic shyness and lack of movie star handsomeness, he evokes a sort of Midwestern Woody Allen. His Peter gets the best one-liners of the film and it's most poignant moments and makes a rather mediocre story better just for having him.

That is not to say the film doesn't have other good qualities but most of the good in Win A Date With Tad Hamilton! must be embellished by the audience. The film introduces some interesting story ideas but only glosses over them without ever exploring them. A scene in a bar between Grace and a bartender character played by Kathryn Hahn introduces an idea about everyone’s romantic ideal and how the Tad character is a representation of a romantic ideal that isn't real. The idea that everyone ideallizes the person they are in love with but that ideal is only in our mind.

The film also has a knowing sense of pop culture and uses it to good effect in it's ending. The idea of pop culture's growing role in the daily lives of younger generations and the way it shapes our memories in celluloid is an interesting idea but an unexplored idea in this film. Had director Robert Luketic, also the director of another piece of pop candy Legally Blonde, decided to further explore either of the interesting ideas the film introduces, this could have been a great movie. As it is, it’s merely another exercise in the teen-friendly romance genre.

Win A Date With Tad Hamilton! is not a bad film but not a great film. What it really is, is an announcement of the arrival of Topher Grace as a leading man. In his biggest film role to date, Grace makes a terrific impression and I really look forward to seeing him on the big screen more.

Movie Review The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect (2004) 

Directed by Eric Bress, J Mackye Gruber 

Written by Eric Bress, J Mackye Gruber 

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Ethan Suplee, Logan Lerman, Melora Waters 

Release Date January 23rd, 2004 

Published January 22nd, 2004 

There is a classic Simpsons Halloween Special in which Homer attempts to fix the toaster and ends up turning it into a time machine. Every time Homer travels through time, he does something stupid that changes the future. I kept flashing back to this work of comic genius all throughout the new Ashton Kutcher sci-fi drama, The Butterfly Effect. The stories are similar but also, I had nothing better to do while the film kept repeating itself into oblivion.

Ashton Kutcher stars as Evan Treborn, a psych major at some nameless college. Evan has had an odd path to college involving a memory loaded with potholes he longs to fill. Evan gets his chance to restore his memories when he rediscovers his childhood journals. After a fainting spell brings back one of his lost memories, Evan is led back to his hometown and the girl he left behind, Kayleigh, played by Amy Smart.

Kayleigh and Evan were childhood sweethearts before Evan's mother (Melora Waters) moved the family away. Now Kayleigh is a waitress trapped in her hometown that has become a prison. When Evan shows up wanting to reminisce and Kayleigh is less than thrilled and the encounter unlocks a load of  bad memories for her. These memories are so bad in fact that Kayleigh takes her own life.

Shocked and saddened by Kayleigh’s death, Evan begins experimenting with his memories, eventually discovering that if he concentrates hard enough he can travel back in time and change his traumatic past. Using his childhood journals as his guide, Evan goes back and changes the past to save Kayleigh's life. When he awakens, things have indeed changed. Evan is now a popular frat guy and Kayleigh has joined him at college. The two are planning to be married. The odd thing is, Evan can remember everything that he changed.

As any number of Star Trek episodes can tell you, when you change the past you affect not just your future but everyone's future. So while Evan may have saved Kayleigh's life and seems to have set them both on an idyllic path, he neglected the futures of the other people in his past. They include Kayleigh's nutball brother Tommy and their friend Lenny (Elden Henson). Tommy tragically ends the perfect future Evan thought he wanted, forcing Evan to go back and change something else which also ends tragically and again and again and again until the audience wishes we could go back in time and get our money back.

There is no doubt that this is an interesting concept. Who doesn't have a small portion of their past they would like an opportunity to change? This is certainly not the first time this material has been attempted either. There’s the aforementioned Simpsons' episode, each of the Star Trek series, and most recently on the big screen in the latest adaptation of H.G Wells' The Time Machine. The problem with the device in The Butterfly Effect is that the film never establishes either likable characters or a scientific basis for Evan's abilities.

The character of Evan is essentially a selfish, amoral, whiner. His only concern is for himself and manipulating the past for his benefit until the end and that includes saving Kayleigh for himself. Evan's motivation was supposed to be his love for Kayleigh. Unfortunately, Kutcher and Smart have little to no chemistry.

The film’s themes don't make the film any easier to enjoy. The things that Evan, Kayleigh and their friends go through include, physical and emotional abuse, child porn, animal cruelty, and manslaughter. Not to mention the time that Evan's mentally deranged father tried to kill him. The film is meant to be dark, I get that, but this is really dark.

The saddest thing about The Butterfly Effect is the fact that the trailer was so terrific. Watching the trailer as it debuted back in December, I was ready to give the goofy Ashton Kutcher the benefit of the doubt in his first dramatic performance. Kutcher was not up to the challenge and The Butterfly Effect does not live up to the promise of the trailer. This is a sad, depressing, dark film.

Movie Review: Bread and Tulips

Bread and Tulips (2001) 

Directed by Silvio Soldini

Written by Silvio Soldini 

Starring Licia Maglietta 

Release Date July 27th, 2001 

Published December 14th, 2001 

Is there any city in the world more beautifully filmed than Venice? Whereas New York is charismatic and vibrant and Paris remains unique and colorful, Venice is breathtakingly beautiful on screen. I have never been there but someday I hope to go there and if I'm lucky I'll meet people like the characters in Silvio Soldini's lovely film Bread & Tulips.

The film that swept Italy's equivalent of the Oscars, known as the David's, stars Licia Maglietta as Rosalba, a 40-ish neglected mother of three. And when I say neglected I mean it. While on a family vacation, the family accidentally forgets Licia at a rest stop and her insensitive husband Mimmo (Antonio Catania) blames her the mix up. Feeling rebellious, Licia decides not to wait for her family to come get her and she hitches a ride home. Once there she begins to feel restless and decides that she needs a vacation of her own and takes off for Venice.

Once in Venice she has dinner at a little restaurant where she meets a waiter named Fernando (Bruno Ganz). After her meal, Licia asks Fernando if he knows a place where she can stay and he offers to let her stay with him for a night.

One night turns into two and before long Licia takes a job and begins renting a room in Fernando's apartment. Licia's husband meanwhile can't get his mistress to do the housework and decides he needs to bring his wife back. Mimmo hires Constantino, a plumber who was merely applying for a position as a plumber when Mimmo noticed he listed detective novels as a hobby. Instead of hiring Constantino as a plumber he hires him as a detective to go to Venice and find is wife.

Guisseppe Battiston plays Constantino and he brings a wonderful comedic element to the film with his bumbling attempts to ape his detective novel heroes. Constantino also has a love interest in Licia's new neighbor Grazia (Maria Massironi) who describes herself as holistic beautician and masseuse.

The film, directed by Silvio Soldini, is charming and fun the characters are sweet and sensitive. Extra credit to Ganz for his heartfelt performance as Fernando who, when we first meet him, is considering suicide. Licia unknowingly restores Fernando and he does the same for her, though not with your typical romantic comedy stops and starts. The courtship is slow and steady and never forced. The audience feels for these characters beginning to end. 

Of course the real star of Bread & Tulips is the city. It's small shops and cobbled streets have unending charm. 

Bread & Tulips is at times a little too cute but still a charming film populated by sweet characters and worth seeing as long as you don't mind reading a movie. Yes, Jethro, this one has subtitles so put it down and go grab Joe Dirt. 

For you intelligent filmgoers, sit down and lose yourself in this gem of a film.

Movie Review: Blow Out

Blow Out (1981) 

Directed by Brian De Palma

Written by Brian De Palma 

Starring John Travolta, Nancy Allen, John Lithgow, Dennis Franz 

Release Date July 21st 1981 

Published July 20th, 2001 

Style over substance, technique over plot. Just some of the many things said of Brian De Palma's directorial style. In Blow Out we are treated to a rare De Palma effort that combines style and brains for an entertaining suspense filled ride. If only De Palma weren't so enamored of Nancy Allen.

In Blow Out, John Travolta is a movie sound man who, while standing on a bridge recording ambient outdoor noise, witnesses a car go off the road and into the river below him. After saving the car’s female passenger played by Nancy Allen, and taking her the hospital he finds that the man killed in the accident was a popular presidential candidate. After being told that the events of the evening were to be covered up he then discovers the accident wasn't really an accident and Travolta becomes obsessed with finding the truth.

De Palma's long languid tracking shots and unique camera work is once again on display and added to it is a love of sound appropriate for a movie about a movie sound man. The film makes great use of surrounding noise and microphones. Travolta's character is a former police expert in surveillance, which is put to excellent use in the film’s tragic crescendo. The films main flaw is lead actress Nancy Allen whose tiresome whine makes you want to root for John Lithgow's nut-job serial killer to cut her heart out. 

Thankfully De Palma's direction and Travolta's cool obsessiveness save this first rate thriller that is one of De Palma's best. 

Movie Review: Ali

Ali (2001) 

Directed by Michael Mann 

Written by Eric Roth, Michael Mann, Christopher Wilkinson 

Starring Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Jon Voight, Mario Van Peebles, Ron Silver, Jeffrey Wright 

Release Date December 25th, 2001 

Published April 15th, 2002 

The life of Mohammed Ali is one of the most fascinating ever lived, a life that should be dramatized for the big screen and make for a great film. 

Unfortunately, this is not that film. 

The film covers a ten-year span of Ali's life from his victory over Sonny Liston in 1964 to his dramatic victory over George Foreman in Zaire in 1974. Michael Mann gives us a feel of Ali's personal life, his battle with his father over his conversion to Islam, his relationships with his wives and his relationship with Malcolm X. However all of these scenes feel disjointed. Director Michael Mann seems to keep the audience at a distance instead of allowing us into the mind of Ali. With dialogue, Mann uses the film's soundtrack of 60's R & B tunes to deliver the emotion and at times even replace actual dialogue. 

It's likely that Mann knows many of us are already quite familiar with Ali's many public challenges and doesn't feel the need to go into much detail. But why then does he muddle the timeline of the champ's career? If Mann believed the audience to be overly familiar with Ali's story, why does he leave out important moments of the champ's career such as the infamous phantom punch in the second Liston fight and his two rematches with Joe Frazier? 

The boxing scenes in Ali are quite good with Mann getting in the ring with a handheld camera and putting the audience right in the match. The camerawork in the boxing scenes is phenomenal and star Will Smith is surprisingly credible, trading punches with real boxers including former middleweight champion James Toney who plays Smokin' Joe.

As for Will Smith he's very good, not quite Oscar good in my opinion but good. Smith evokes many of Ali's most recognizable attributes such as his brashness and vocal cadence. He also handles the emotional elements very well, especially the difficulties in Ali's personal life. Unfortunately, Smith is let down by director Mann who forgoes Smith's dialogue in favor the film's soundtrack as I described earlier. 

Movie Review: The Accidental Spy

The Accidental Spy (2001) 

Directed by Teddy Chan 

Written by Ivy Ho

Starring Jackie Chan, Scott Adkins 

Release Date January 18th, 2001 

Published September 4th, 2001 

Never having been a fan of Jackie Chan, I'm not sure why I rented The Accidental Spy. I respect Chan for his work ethic and impressive stunt coordination. However, his acting leaves much to be desired. That is probably because he doesn't speak English very well. Therefore, it may be an unfair judgment on my part. I'm told his early work in Hong Kong is far more spectacular than his recent Hollywood fare. 

I'm sure that's true because his Hollywood stuff, no matter how good the stunts are, are still typical brainless crowd-pleasers with no real point of view; just strung together action scenes and a couple of humorous one liners. So now, I'm still wondering what made me rent The Accidental Spy, and still don't have a clue.

As we join the story we meet Buck (Chan) an affable fitness store clerk. After a tough day at work, Buck foils a bank robbery. The robbery leads to his receiving a letter from a lawyer informing him of his dying father and a possible multimillion-dollar inheritance.

An intrigued Buck meets his father, who was thought to have died in the Korean War. In reality, Dad was a secret agent. Now on his deathbed he offers his son the chance to win a large inheritance. To do so, he must trek to Turkey and uncover a safety deposit box, which contains more than just cash. All the while, Buck is being chased by drug dealers whom his father was secretly doing business with. 

The Accidental Spy is an odd film. At times it's typical Chan slapstick and chop-socky, but it also wants to be taken seriously as it introduces one of two love interests--a young girl hooked on drugs and enslaved by Buck's pursuers. The odd switch in tone never comes together and Chan's tomfoolery deflates any drama the film might have had, making The Accidental Spy a very uneven, and at times dull, movie. 

As time goes by it's no surprise that Chan's action stunts slow down a little, and you can see it in this film, which has as much exposition and dialogue as it does fight scenes. As you can imagine, exposition isn't Jackie's strong suit and the awful overdubbing of American voices over Chinese faces makes the dialogue almost unbearable. That said, I will not judge Jackie Chan's Hong Kong oeuvre by this one film. In fact, I am going to make a point of seeing more Hong Kong movies as a way of broadening my horizons. 

Maybe that is why I rented The Accidental Spy. 

Movie Review: Amelie

Amelie (2001) 

Directed by Jean Pierre Jeunet

Written by Jean Pierre Jeunet 

Starring Audrey Tautou, Matthieu Kassovitz 

Release Date September 1st, 2001 

Published December 26th, 2001 

Working at a video store I've developed more than a few video pet peeves. One that sticks out is when a foreign film is released and some Jethro with a mullet asks me (direct quote) "Do I have to read this video". After resisting the urge to beat them senseless with the video in question I explained that the film is subtitled. Jethro then returns the film to the shelf and retrieves, I swear this is true, a copy of Joe Dirt. I bring this up because it won't be long until the brilliant French subtitled film Amelie will be out on video.

Indeed, Jethro will not be seeing Amelie and it's his loss because it's one of the best films of the last 12 months. Audrey Tautou stars as the title character who after discovering a box of childhood toys belonging to a previous tenant in her apartment sets out to return the memories to this man, and if it makes a difference to him she will do the same for others. Indeed the man is touched and Amelie, witnessing the man's joy from afar, begins her journey to spread joy to others. 

Along the way she meets and inspires an invalid artist, gives a blind man a tour of the world and encounters a young man named Nino who may be able to change her life. Nino, played by Daniel Kassovitz, and the courtship between his character and Amelie is one of the most unique dances of fate we've ever witnessed. Tautou and Kassovitz barely speak to each other but their courtship is very believable as it leads its obvious conclusion.

Director Jean Pierre Jeunet (Alien Resurrection) shows a flair for beautiful visuals that make France look like the most beautiful place on Earth. Jeunet's camera clearly loves Tautou whose expressive eyes, often seen in tight mischievous close-ups, may become a calling card on par with Angelina Jolie's lips and Julia Roberts' teeth.

Amelie is not a perfect film. At times it's flights of fancy are like a French version of Ally McBeal. Nevertheless it is a wonderfully romantic and lovely movie that should make Audrey Tautou a huge international star.

Movie Review: 40 Days and 40 Nights

40 Days and 40 Nights (2002) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Robert Perez

Starring Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossomon, Paulo Costanzo, Vinessa Shaw, Griffin Dunne, Monet Mazur

Release Date March 1st 2002 

Published February 27th 2002 

In the 1980's, guys attempting to get laid became a genre all it's own. In the 90's however, political correctness threatened to destroy the horny guy movie. Now in 2002, things have become so inverted that we have a film featuring a guy doing all he can to not get laid. What is this world coming to? 40 Days & 40 Nights stars Josh Hartnett as Matt, a web designer recovering from a bad breakup by having a lot of meaningless sex. After finding sex not to be the answer, Matt decides to go in the opposite direction, no sex at all. 

Of course it is then that he meets the girl of his dreams, Erica (Shannyn Sossamon). Matt decides to try to just be friends with Erica but mistakenly does not explain his current no-sex crusade. Matt's friend and Roommate Ryan (Road Trip's Paulo Costanzo) finds out what he's up to and seize the opportunity to start a website to take bets as to whether Ryan can hold out the full 40 days. 

From there we are treated to the usual romantic comedy situations that desperately throw up lame roadblocks to keep the lovebirds apart. Of course all of the complications could be avoided if the characters were honest with one another, but if they did that there wouldn't be any movie. Director Michael Lehman obviously knew his story was weak so he also throws in a little gross-out humor to fill out the film’s just-over-90 minute runtime.

40 Days & 40 Nights is a well-crafted film. It is well shot, the performances are good. Hartnett occasionally looks like he is straining for the joke, but for the most part comes off as the likeable doofus the character is supposed to be.

In the end the film isn't bad but it is far from memorable. It is the definition of average.

Movie Review: Torque

Torque (2004) 

Directed by Joseph Kahn 

Written by Matt Johnson

Starring Martin Henderson, Ice Cube, Monet Mazur, Adam Scott, Jay Hernandez

Release Date January 16th, 2004

Published January 16th, 2004

The trailer for Torque is so eye-rollingly derivative as to bring about a physically painful reaction. The trailer inspired in me a groan of such depth it's almost indescribable. The trailer is as big, dumb and loud as any full-length action movie of the last ten years. Ear splitting metal music, dopey, mock tough guy dialogue and stunts so hokey they are beyond laughable. But it would be unfair to review the film based solely on the trailer so I actually went to see Torque and found exactly what the trailer promised it would be and worse.

Martin Henderson stars as motorcycle tough guy/ underwear model (okay not really an underwear model but you know what I mean), Cary Ford. Cary has just returned from Thailand where he was hiding from the Feds after being sought on drug charges. Cary has returned to California to set things right with the cops and get back the girl he left behind, Shane played by Monet Mazur.

With a pair of his old motorcycle buddies, Dalton (Jay Hernandez) and Val (Will Yun Lee), Cary makes his way back to LA but not without starting trouble with the motorcycle gang The Reapers, headed up by Trey (Ice Cube). Cary is able to reconnect with Shane though she fights it for a few minutes. Cary also reconnects with the guy who set him up on the drug charge, a fellow biker named Henry James (Matt Schulze). Cary still has Henry's drugs stashed somewhere and Henry wants them back. Rather than just kick Cary's ass and get the drugs back that way, Henry sets up Cary for the murder of Trey's brother (Rapper Fredro Starr). Henry will help Cary get away from Trey if Cary gives him his drugs back.

Why Henry can't just directly intimidate Cary into giving him his drugs back instead of setting up this byzantine murder plot that also involves a pair of FBI agents played by Dane Cook and Justina Machado, is one of the film’s innumerable plot issues. Then again, why do you need a plot when you have cool looking motorcycles?

Herein lies the problem with Torque. I was willing to give 2 Fast 2 Furious a pass because that film was laughably bad but had the coolest cars. Paul Walker is a terrifically bad actor, so bad that it's enjoyable to have him onscreen just to make fun of him. Torque on the other hand wants to be a better film than 2 Fast 2 Furious and it wants you to know it with lame little jokes about motorcycles being cooler and faster than cars. Unfortunately the motorcycles aren't cooler than the cars and the superior attitude of the film is badly misplaced.

Martin Henderson is a better actor than Paul Walker, which presents a different problem because there isn't much to make fun of. None of the material in the script for Torque is very good yet as delivered by Henderson it's not so terrifically bad that we can make fun of it. It's all just sort of there…it's not good, it's not bad, it's just a dull and derivative.

The action in Torque isn't all that shabby. First-time director Joseph Kahn is a pretty good technician behind the camera and he shoots some okay action stuff. None of it however rises to the memorably ridiculous levels of the worst of Bruckheimer and Bay or even it's cousins, The Fast and The Furious, and it's sequel. Sure Torque is big, it's dumb and it's loud, but in a more mediocre and far less interesting way than in a memorably good or awful way.

It's odd, I'm almost disappointed at how good Torque is. Let me correct that, I meant to say how bad it is but not as bad as it should have been to be good. It's a bad movie, but it's not bad in the way that 2 Fast 2 Furious or The Rock or Gone In 60 Seconds is bad. Torque isn't bad in that campy, fun unintentional way. It's just a bad movie and that's it.

Movie Review: Along Came Polly

Along Came Polly (2004) 

Directed by John Hamburg

Written by John Hamburg 

Starring Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Debra Messing, Hank Azaria 

Release Date January 16th, 2004 

Published January 15th, 2004 

2004 is shaping up to be a big year for Ben Stiller. He has 3 films coming out in just the first five months of the year and is directing another. With Starsky and Hutch due in March, his much delayed teaming with Jack Black in Envy pushed to early Spring and a just-begun multi-episode stint on Larry David's HBO series “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” Stiller is going to be everywhere this year. His first film of the year, the romantic comedy Along Came Polly with Jennifer Aniston, gets 2004 off to a good start.

In Along Came Polly, Stiller is Rueben Feffer, an expert in risk management. Ruben's job as a risk evaluator for an insurance company has taught him to be quite cautious in everything he does. Cautious even in his personal life which has caused him to settle down with Lisa (Debra Messing) for what seems like a safe, life-long commitment. However, on their honeymoon in St Barts, the couple meets a French scuba diving instructor named Claude (Hank Azaria in a stellar cameo). Of course, Claude and Lisa end up in bed together, discovered by Rueben while doing it with their scuba gear still on. No one does this kind of indignity quite as well as Stiller, who is to humiliation what Jack Benny was to being a tightwad.

Returning home, Rueben is consoled by his friend and former child star Sandy (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) who tries to raise his spirits by taking him to a party. At the party Rueben runs into Polly Prince (Jennifer Aniston), a girl he went to junior high with and who now works as a cocktail waitress in between flights of fancy that have taken her all over the world.

Rueben and Polly are totally opposite personalities, Rueben is uptight, neurotic and fearful while Polly is adventurous, carefree and owns a ferret as a pet. However, like any man who sees an opportunity to be with a beautiful woman, Rueben puts aside his fears of spicy food, salsa dancing and ferrets. Of course, all of which leads to numerous comic foul-ups where his fears get the best of him. 

Once again, Stiller's talent for taking the worst that life can give him makes these varying humiliations terrifically funny. Even the awful bathroom scene after Rueben has suffered through dinner at an Indian restaurant and the spicy food has caused his irritable bowel syndrome to act up. Ugh!

The problem with Stiller's performance in Along Came Polly, as funny as he is, is that we have seen him do variations on this same character plenty of times. Rueben is essentially just an extension of the character he played in last years Duplex who was an extension of Greg Fokker in Meet The Parents (Not so coincidentally, Parents and Along Came Polly are both written and directed by John Hamburg). Further still, those roles were basically toned down takes on Stiller's role in There's Something About Mary. Stiller's act is still funny in Along Came Polly but it is growing a little too familiar and tiresome.

As for Jennifer Aniston, she once again shows why she is the Friend most likely to breakout as a bigtime film star. She's got it, acting chops and comic timing. Her role is surprisingly small as the film makes room for a number of supporting characters. Her Polly has little interaction with the supporting characters which makes her feel as if she were in a slightly different film. Unlike Cameron Diaz in the very similar There's Something About Mary, Aniston's Polly is played straight, above all of the humiliating gross out gags. Polly is central to the plot but is outside much of the humor of the film.

The best parts of the film are the supporting roles played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin and Hank Azaria. These three terrific actors are in place to put Stiller in the most humiliating situations possible and they do their jobs well. Azaria is especially funny in his small role. Carrying his best accent since his gay Puerto Rican is The Birdcage, Azaria walks nude on the beach, murders the English language and as he should puts Stiller's Rueben in the most humiliating situations possible.

The supporting players, as good as they are, do however expose one of the films main flaws. Writer-Director John Hamburg can't decide on a comic tone. The script attempts to combine over-the-top slapstick, gross-out humor with a realistic romance. The over-the-top elements pull you out of the realistic story, rendering it less believable, especially at the end when the film wants you to get emotional about whether the romance will have a happy ending.

It's difficult to criticize a film that is as funny as Along Came Polly. The cast is terrific and there are a number of funny gags. Still, the romance never feels real because, as written, it gets stepped on by the slapsticky, gross-out humor. Thus we are left with a series of comic skits tied together loosely by a romance that is only in place to give the jokes context. I can kind of recommend Along Came Polly but with a slight reservations. 

Movie Review: Chasing Liberty

Chasing Liberty (2004) 

Directed by Andy Cadiff 

Written by Derek Guiley 

Starring Mandy Moore, Matthew Goode, Jeremy Piven, Annabella Sciorra, Mark Harmon

Release Date January January 9th, 2004

Published January 8th, 2004 

In my review of Mandy Moore's film debut A Walk To Remember, I employed the hack-y cliché “don't quit your day job” in reference to Ms. Moore's excruciatingly-bland performance. At that time, it was a justifiable, if horribly cynical, criticism of her performance. But that is no excuse for using such a cliché. Since then, Moore has made me eat those words (sort of.) Her pleasant turn in the pop-sensible teen drama How To Deal showed marked improvement over A Walk To Remember. Now, in her latest starring effort as the President's daughter in Chasing Liberty, Moore shows even more improvement as a charming, sweet leading lady.

Liberty is the secret service code name of Anna Foster who has spent her formative years in the largest possible spotlight. Anna is the 18-year-old daughter of a two-term President (Mark Harmon). When we meet Anna, she is about to head out on her first date ever. The date is a miserable failure that ends with Secret Service guns drawn on the boyfriend who mistakenly attempted a surprise gift. That's it for the boyfriend. Luckily, Anna has a trip with dad coming up that could provide an opportunity for fun, if she can shake the Secret Service.

On a state visit to Prague, Anna plans to meet up with a friend and head for Berlin for something called Love Fest. Dad doesn't want her to go but relents when she agrees to having a pair of top agents, Jeremy Piven and Annabella Sciorra, follow her. That plan falls apart though when dad breaks his promise and Anna is swarmed by agents while at a concert. To lose them, Anna gets the help of Ben (Matthew Good) who whisks her away on his scooter. What Anna doesn't know is that Ben is a Secret Service agent.

Thus begins a whirlwind romantic trip across Europe as Anna thinks she is evading the Secret Service while Ben fends off her advances while trying to keep up with her. Moore and Good have little chemistry and with all the next-big-thing talk about Good, I was surprised how wooden and dull he is. Moore, on the other hand, is effervescent. Comparisons to a young Doris Day are not unwarranted. She is sunny and sweet and has lost that cloying innocence that sacked her performance in A Walk To Remember.

Chasing Liberty is not a great film. It's full of typical romantic comedy clichés and those romantic dialogue bits that always pay off at the end. The typical eye-rolling moments of realization and forgiveness that you've seen a million times are not improved upon here. What makes the film nearly passable is Moore, who has found that kind of star quality that many actresses never find. Whenever she is onscreen, I couldn't help but smile. She is aided by a funny subplot involving Piven and Sciorra's Secret Service agents who fall in love while watching the first daughter fall in love.

Maybe it's my romantic idealism, but I have always wanted to backpack across Europe with a beautiful stranger and fall in love while scamming for places to sleep for a night or thumbing a ride on the back of a farm truck on it way to some tiny village that hasn't aged since the 1800s. Chasing Liberty captures some of that romantic idealism, especially in Moore's wonderfully likable performance.

Movie Review Peter Pan

Peter Pan (2003) 

Directed by P.J Hogan 

Written by P.J Hogan 

Starring Jeremy Sumpter, Jason Isaacs, Rachel Hurd Wood, Olivia Williams, Lynn Redgrave 

Release Date December 25th, 2003 

Published December 24th, 2003 

There is a tradition on stage and in televised versions of Peter Pan that has Peter portrayed by a woman. I can’t pretend to understand why this is but it does remove some of Author J.M Barrie’s more uncomfortable suggestions about Peter and Wendy’s attraction to one another. In director P.J Hogan’s new film adaptation of the more than 100-year-old fairy tale, a boy rightfully portrays Peter. Though somewhat muted, the Peter-Wendy dynamic is once again in play. Whether or not it is to an uncomfortable degree is up to the viewer.

The legendary fairy tale about the boy who refuses to grow up stars Jeremy Sumpter in the role of Peter. However, from the beginning it’s clear that the real star of the show is Wendy played by Rachel Hurd Wood. When we meet Wendy we, like Peter, float to her window and listen in as she dazzles her younger brothers John (Harry Newell) and Michael (Freddie Popplewell) with stories of pirates, Indians and swordplay.

Their revelry is broken by the arrival of their aunt Millicent (Lynn Redgrave) who informs their parents, Mr. and Mrs. Darling (Jason Isaacs and Olivia Williams), that it is time for Wendy to begin training for marriage. This means moving her out of her shared bedroom with her brothers and beginning training in elocution and manners. Essentially, it means it’s time to grow up.

Spying on this scene, Peter decides to reveal himself to Wendy and invite her to Neverland where she won’t have to grow up. This choice is made much to the dismay of Peter’s best friend Tink (Luvigne Sagnier). The scene is filled with meaningful looks and gestures of tentative flirtation and almost uncomfortable sexual tension. At Peter's invitation, Wendy with her brothers in tow is ready to fly off to Neverland.

Once in the pink clouds and green jungles of Neverland, Wendy hears the legend of Captain Hook (as tradition holds, Jason Isaacs, who also plays Wendy's father) and his band of pirates. Of course, Wendy's clumsy little brothers are immediately captured and it's up to Peter and Wendy to save them. In a wonderful action scene filled with terrific humor and exciting swordplay, Wendy and Peter save her brothers and introduce us to Hook's other nemesis, a giant alligator with a ticking clock in its stomach. The gator was previously bitten off Hook's hand as the result of a previous fight with Peter.

All of this happens very quickly. Director P.J Hogan keeps the pace and humor moving all the way through the film slowing down only momentarily for romantic interludes between Peter and Wendy. Despite what a number of critics have said about the sexual tension and romance between Wendy and Peter, it's not as creepy as it sounds. In fact, what director P.J Hogan really captures is the breathless exhilaration of first love. What Wendy and Peter experience is the first rush of the pubescent realization of romance and you can read a lot more into that if you like. I prefer the chaste impression of two kids for whom a kiss is the most sexual idea in the world.

Many films have attempted to capture the essence of that transition from adolescence into puberty, but few films are this successful. Entirely through the use of metaphor, Peter Pan is more true to the confusing emotions and careening hormones of puberty than most films that tackle the subject head on.

To top it off the film also is one of the best looking films of the year. The special effects and production design are as spectacular as anything you've seen this year and bring even more magic to this already magical story. Credit Cinematographer Donald McAlpine and Production Designer Roger Ford with fully realizing Neverland like never before.

At the helm of it all is Hogan who comes out of nowhere with a surprisingly confident rendering of this usual material. Hogan, with the help of Michael Goldenberg, also tackled the adaptation of the screenplay giving the whole production an unexpectedly auteurist vision.

The acting by these novice young actors is also spot on, especially young Rachel Hurd Wood who is spectacular as Wendy. She brings some amazing, unspeakable quality to Wendy that I can't quite put my finger on. Call it star quality or presence, whatever it is, it's something special. She and Jeremy Sumpter, best known for his work in 2002's Frailty, have a chemistry that many adult acting pairs would envy.

This film is a terrific surprise. An exciting, visually spectacular family film. A film that never panders and never pulls back from its rich subtext the way most cookie cutter Hollywood films in the same vein do. This is a film for the whole family, a story that will entrance children with its safe but exciting action and entertain adults with its rich subtext and storytelling. Peter Pan is one of the best films of the year.

Movie Review The Company

The Company (2003) 

Directed by Robert Altman 

Written by Barbara Turner 

Starring Neve Campbell, Malcolm McDowell, James Franco 

Release Date December 26th, 2003 

Published January 12th, 2004 

The appeal of Robert Altman has always been somewhat esoteric. Not since MASH in 1970 has Altman had a film that could be called a commercial success, yet he continues to work steadily turning out quality work every other year or so. The delightful Gosford Park was Oscar nominated which is one of the reasons why studios and financiers are always willing to take a chance on him. Altman's work always has a prestigious feel as if just because he directed it the film has a shot at an Oscar. Altman's latest work, the ballet drama The Company has that same air of prestige to it but lacks the narrative coherence and sharpness of wit that made Gosford Park an Oscar nominee.

Neve Campbell stars in The Company as Loretta Ryan, Ry to her friends and family. Ry is a rising star at the Joffrey Ballet in Chicago where the manic artistic director Alberto Antonelli or Mr. A as he's called (Malcolm McDowell) runs a somewhat out of control ship. Managing everyday on the edge of financial chaos, and more importantly the ego chaos of his stars, Mr. A must train his dancers and hold financiers at bay all the while flitting in and out rooms to avoid serious confrontations.

Ry has just broken up with one of the dancers in the chorus and is beginning a tentative romance with a chef at a local restaurant, Josh (James Franco). In one of the film's most fascinating scenes, set in a bar around a game of pool, Altman lays out Ry and Josh's courtship without words. The two communicate only with their eyes until the next scene when Ryan and Josh wake up next to each other in Ry's apartment. It's not entirely wordless, it's just that Altman has little interest in what the characters have to say to each other, he just wants it all implied and accepted so that he can get back to the ballet.

Aside from Ry, Josh and Mr. A, the cast is made up of the dancers from the real Joffrey Ballet in Chicago. Not actors by training, Altman smartly gives them little dialogue and defines them thinly as stereotypes and archetypes. There is the aging star who can no longer keep up with the younger dancers. There is the teenager with the superstar attitude, talent and stage father and then there are just members of the chorus who struggle to get by and fill in the background.

Altman's camera simply floats through this film without ever really settling on a story that interests him. This may be why there are so many extra plot strands that are begun and tossed aside. A sign that Altman was searching for a story to carry the plot but just never found one, thus he explores as many as he can and then cuts away to a practice or a performance to get away from the plots that just don't appeal to him. This makes the film feel rudderless, like a documentary without a voiceover narration to fill in the blanks of the plot.

The Company is a difficult film to explain. It has a conventional sound to it but Altman is not interested in any of the conventional elements of the script. He's not interested in the romance plot between Campbell and Franco. He is not interested in Mr. A's struggles to raise money and manage his ego backstage. Really he's not interested in anything that isn't happening on the stage.

I cannot speak for Mr. Altman but I got the feeling that he received a rather conventional drama script with romance and the backstage drama of a ballet troupe and decided to do the film despite not being interested in the script. Altman simply sets up his camera and lets it fall on whatever grabs his eye, meanwhile in the corners of the screen behind overlapping, extraneous dialogue there is a conventional Hollywood film going on with a three act script and average dialogue. Altman sets up his camera on a rolling tripod and then walks away to await the next performance on the stage.

Not being a fan of ballet I am in no position to judge whether the performances in the film are any good. We can assume that since these are real dancers for a real and well respected ballet company that they must be pretty good. I can say that Neve Campbell looked pretty good. Campbell conceived the idea for the film and co-wrote the screenplay with Barbara Turner. Campbell does her own dancing in the film and seems to hold her own opposite the pros. Campbell is particularly good in an outdoor performance early in the film. As rain, lightning and thunder kick up she and her partner continue their performance all the way to the end despite the weather.

In the end Robert Altman comes off as a dilettante whose fan interest in ballet overcame his ability to tell a compelling story. That said, I feel there is something deeper in The Company. Indeed Altman seems to really love ballet to the point of ignoring everything else but there is a unique element of experiment here that is interesting. A risky attempt to make a film with as little plot as possible, a minimalist anti-narrative that is antithetical to anything Hollywood would be willing to make. In that sense I find Altman's approach appealing though not the final product of that approach.

Movie Review: Big Fish

Big Fish (2003) 

Directed by Tim Burton 

Written by John August 

Starring Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Steve Buscemi, Alison Lohman, Marion Cotillard, Danny Devito 

Release Date December 10th, 2003 

Published December 9th, 2003 

Tim Burton is a grand storyteller with a painter’s eye for color and depth. His films are often beautifully rendered and smartly written, a very rare combination. When his talent is fully engaged, as it was on his masterpieces Edward Scissorhands and Sleepy Hollow, he is an auteur that ranks with the all time greats. 

However, there are occasions when Burton seems less than engaged with his material, such as in his blockbuster works Planet Of The Apes and Batman Returns. His latest effort, Big Fish, looks like his kind of material but has moments when Burton doesn't feel fully committed to what is onscreen.

Ewan McGregor and Albert Finney portray Edward Bloom at two very different times in the man’s life. McGregor is the upstart Edward having grand adventures on his way to being something big. Finney's Edward is an old man on his deathbed, endless recalling the exploits of his young self.  Edward's son Will (Billy Crudup) has heard all of his father’s wild tales over and over again since he was a child. Now as his father's life is coming to an end, Will longs to know the truth. Instead, all he gets are more wild stories.

These dream sequences of young Edward Bloom are the kind of wild fantasies that Burton feels perfectly at home in. These stories include a real life giant played by Matthew McGrory, a circus with an eccentric ringleader (Danny Devito) and a city lost in time where there are no streets, just grass, and no one wears shoes. All of the stories are told with a magical veneer and there is slight sheen over the picture in these scenes that add to the dream imagery.

The central story to the flashbacks is Edward's romance with his wife Sandra, played by Alison Lohman and Jessica Lange. The romance is sweet, sincere and lovingly old fashioned and easily the film’s strongest subplot. What surrounds that story however, is somewhat unsatisfying.  We in the audience are like Edward's son, looking for a little bit of the real Edward Bloom. Listening to Albert Finney wheeze through a flashback setup, its not hard to see why Will is so exasperated with his father.

For his part Tim Burton isn't all that invested in his non-flashback scenes, preferring to put his artistic focus on the fantasy elements of the film. He seems to treat the other stuff as filler that give the flashbacks just enough context to get by. This makes for half of a very satisfying film.

The dreamlike fantasy flashbacks are artfully crafted fantasy, eye candy, humor and beauty. Unfortunately the other scenes, the non-fantasy scenes, are unsatisfying melodrama and good deal of screen chewing by Albert Finney. Billy Crudup does his best to ground these scenes, doing so well that he darn near saves the film with a terrific scene that takes place in a hospital room. It's a touching scene but not enough for me to give Big Fish a full recommendation. It’s not bad but this is not Burton at his best.

Movie Review: Cheaper by the Dozen

Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) 

Directed by Shawn Levy 

Written by Sam Harper, Joel Cohen, Alec Sokolow 

Starring Steve Martin, Paula Marshall, Richard Jenkins, Bonnie Hunt, Tom Welling, Hillary Duff

Release Date December 25th, 2003 

Published December 21st, 2003

I should have seen this coming. The warning signs were there. A preview screening nearly a month before the film’s release. A script adaptation credited to eight--yes, I said eight--writers. And a director who aspires to mediocrity because mediocre would be an improvement over what he's done before. Nevertheless, I still happily attended the screening of Cheaper By The Dozen because I thought Steve Martin can't possibly make a film that bad. I could not have been more wrong.

The plot description for this film is somewhat difficult because it's essentially a series of sub-sitcom level moments of family comedy. Martin stars as a football coach in a small Illinois town. He and his wife, played by Bonnie Hunt (also one of the eight credited writers), are unique because they were high school sweethearts who have been married for 22 years, and they have 12 children. Their family farm house is an absolute mess of toys and small animals and sporting equipment. Meanwhile, each of the kids have a handy little quirk to help us tell them apart. The archetypes are classic ABC TGIF kids: the tomboy, the prissy one, the really smart one, the fat kid and so on and so forth. It saves the time of having to write 12 individual characters.

The plot, such as it is, has Martin's character accepting a new job at a big college. So, the family packs up and moves to a Chicago suburb where they meet their neighbors, played by Alan Ruck and Paula Marshall. (Poor Marshall has the thankless task of playing the only-in-the-movies type of bitch character that says horribly insensitive things and will get her comeuppance by the end of the film.) However Marshall isn't nearly as abused as poor Richard Jenkins. Slumming from his role as the coolest dead guy on TV on HBO's Six Feet Under, Jenkins play Martin's best friend and new boss who is required to be inhumanly stupid. It is poor Mr. Jenkins’ character who forces Martin to choose between his job and his 12 kids. Well golly, what do you think he will choose?

Hunt's character writes a book about her family that lands on the bestseller list, forcing her to leave the family for a few days for a book tour. Golly, do you think dad can handle taking care of all of those kids by himself? I don't know about you, but I think we’re in for hijinks here. The kids trash a neighbor’s birthday party by accidentally releasing a snake in the house. Again it's poor Marshall who takes the brunt of that beating.

Oh it gets worse.

Teen stars Hillary Duff and Tom Welling play the family's two older children. In adjusting to their new high school, these two actors who look like fashion models are required by the script to be outcasts at their new school. It reminded me of the movie She's All That where Rachel Leigh Cook was considered a nerd because she wore glasses and baggy clothes, except that Welling and Duff never look like anything but the Gap models they are in real life.

Martin stretches and strains all over the screen trying to make this forced, stupid material work and the strain shows in every moment of the film. If you thought his Bringing Down The House character was forced, you will be shocked that this character is actually worse.

Director Shawn Levy cut his teeth on Nickelodeon and Disney Channel TV series’ until getting his big break directing 2003's very first worst movie of the year, Just Married. So how fitting that he should bookend 2003 with its final worst movie of the year. Cheaper By The Dozen is an awful movie. A sub-Brady Bunch sitcom, full of forced jokes and cheap contrived melodrama.

In the words of my hero, Roger Ebert, who used this phrase to sum up his feelings about the film North, "I HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED THIS MOVIE".

Movie Review House of Sand and Fog

House of Sand and Fog (2003) 

Directed by Vadim Perelman 

Written by Shawn Lawrence Otto, Vadim Perelman

Starring Ben Kingsley, Shoreh Aghdashloo, Jennifer Connelly, Frances Fisher, Ron Eldard

Release Date December 19th, 2003 

Published December 17th, 2003 

This time of year we hear a lot of talk about so-called prestige pictures. Art films with opulent production design, heavy on the period detail and generally perceived as over the head of the average filmgoer. With a title like House of Sand and Fog, a pedigree that involves the adaptation of a National Book Award finalist and a starring duo of Oscar winners, it's not surprising that the perception of prestige is all over this film. Look deeper however, and you find a surprisingly populist picture. An Oprah Book Club selection and a bestseller. Also, you’ll find a story that is very compelling even if it is over the head of many filmgoers.

Jennifer Connelly stars as Kathy Lazaro, a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser who's only asset in the world is the home left to her by her late father. That however is taken from her when the city government sends cops to her home to evict her over a tax debt. The debt is bogus but unfortunately, Kathy hasn't bothered to open her mail in weeks and thus it will take months to sort out the problem.

In the meantime, her home is quickly sold to an Iranian immigrant, a former Colonel in the Iranian army named Amir Behrani (Ben Kingsley). The Colonel and his family, wife Nadi (Shohreh Aghdashloo) and son Esmail (Jonathan Adhout), see the home as a mirror of their home in Iran that was on the coast of the Caspian Sea. Amir also sees it as an investment that, if fixed up, could be resold for three times its worth.

With the help of a legal aid lawyer played by Frances Fisher, Kathy is working to get her house back. After some back and forth wrangling, it's agreed that if Kathy can convince the Behrani's to sell the house back to the city for what he paid, then they can give it back to Kathy. Meanwhile, Kathy is being cared for by one of the cops who helped her move out, Deputy Lester Burdon (Ron Eldard). In a short time, the deputy has fallen for Kathy, has left his wife and family to care for her, and is willing to risk his job to help her get the house back.

All of this mundanely sets the table for some very compelling drama well strung together by Writer-Director Vadim Perelman. Having adapted a book by Andre Dubus, Perelman lends the story a visual style that evokes the title of the film without being heavy handed. The title is a double metaphor that ties the story together.

The performances of Ben Kingsley and Jennifer Connelly are the strong points of the film and the Oscar winners are once again award-worthy. Kingsley is especially powerful as the deposed Colonel. Prone to violent outbursts and amazing compassion all brought about by his deep, religious faith. For a good portion of the film, he seems to be the villain but as the film winds to it's inevitably tragic conclusion, Kingsley's performance becomes the emotional center of the film and draws tears without forcing them.

As for Connelly, she is every bit as strong as Kingsley is, She infuses Kathy with the sadness and longing that wins our sympathy even as she acts in less than likable fashion. Her performance is all the stronger for having to carry the lunkheaded Ron Eldard as her love interest. Eldard plays Lester as the dumbest cop on the force. His performance is the weakest of the film and unfortunately, somewhat pivotal near the end. Thankfully, the film does not collapse because of him. Props to Director Perelman for getting the film to its astonishing and powerful finale even as Eldard's performance sinks.

Be sure to bring your antidepressants because as one of my fellow critics said after the screening, House of Sand and Fog may be the most depressing film of the year. Indeed, there is very little light in the film. It works because even depressing emotion can be cathartic and House earns it's awesomely cathartic and emotional ending. The label prestige picture is well earned by this emotional film.

Movie Review Stuck on You

Stuck on You (2003) 

Directed by The Farrelly Brothers 

Written by The Farrelly Brothers

Starring Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Cher, Eva Mendes, Seymour Cassell, Dane Cook, Lin Shaye, Bella Thorne 

Release Date December 12th, 2003

Published December 11th, 2003 

The Farrelly Brothers signature had always been juvenile grossout humor tinged with sweetness. With Shallow Hal, they seemed somewhat tame in the gross stuff. Now with their latest film Stuck On You, they seem to have moved beyond the grossout humor completely. What's really surprising however is that they prove just how much they don't need it anymore. This funny, sweet and unusual comedy about conjoined twins is some of the best work the Brothers have done since There's Something About Mary.

Walt (Greg Kinnear) and Bob (Matt Damon) were born attached by a single liver so dangerously small that doctors don't believe they can be separated. Thus the two have gone through life together playing sports, dating and running a restaurant on Martha's Vineyard where friends and family have come to completely accept the boys as they are.

Walt has recently become restless. His ambition has always been to be an actor and his one man shows at the community theater have all been well reviewed, even as poor Bob suffered from severe stage fright. Walt wishes to go to Hollywood and despite his reservations, Bob finally relents. The two leave behind their comfortable surroundings for the big city and Walt's shot at the big time.

Once in Hollywood it's not long until Walt hits the big time with a role opposite Cher on a CSI-esque show. All is not as it seems however, as Cher has hand selected Walt to be on the show in hopes that his being a conjoined twin will get the show canceled. Much to Cher's dismay, Walt turns out to be a hit and the producers find it easy to hide Bob behind props and with special effects. Even after their secret gets out, Walt becomes an even bigger hit.

As for Walt, moving to Los Angeles offers him the chance to meet his internet pen pal May (Wenn Yann Shih) who does not know he is conjoined. This leads to rather obvious jokes as Walt and Bob date May, with the help of an actress friend from their apartment complex April (Eva Mendes) coming along as Walt's date. The joke is obvious but the actors play it so well that it's easy to overlook that.

Naturally the subjects of surgery to separate themselves come up and these scenes are really terrific. I love how the film explains the age difference between Kinnear and Damon along with various other physiological complications. All of it handled without falling back on grossout humor but with the Farrelly Brothers other signature, sweet-natured ridiculousness. Both Bob and Walt are typical, delightfully clueless Farrelly characters who can't imagine why anyone would find them unusual.

The cast is terrific from top to bottom. Kinnear and Damon have a terrific chemistry with Damon really surprising us with his comic talent. You expect Kinnear to have great comic timing as he showed on TV's Talk Soup and the movie Sabrina. For Damon however, though he showed terrific humility in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, this is his first full-length comedic performance and I was surprised how well he pulled it off.

The supporting cast is every bit the equal of the leads with Eva Mendes really standing out. Her bubble-headed actress April provides some of the biggest laughs of the film with her ditzy reactions to the twins’ condition. The way she just thinks that the twins being connected is totally natural is priceless and part of the film’s charm. Cher is also good, perfectly willing to make herself the joke in what is her biggest acting role in a while. Watch out for a pair of terrific cameos as well, Meryl Streep shows up near the end and brings the house down.

The film is not as funny as Kingpin or as sweet as There's Something About Mary but Stuck On You proves that with or without shocking the audience with sight gags, the Farrelly brothers are just plain funny.

Movie Review Something's Gotta Give

Something's Gotta Give (2003) 

Directed by Nancy Meyers

Written by Nancy Meyers 

Starring Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Frances McDormand, Amanda Peet, Jon Favreau

Release Date December 12th, 2003 

Published December 11th, 2003 

A strange thing can happen to an actor when they get almost too good at what they do. Audiences no longer perceive what they do as a performance. Jack Nicholson is one of those actors with that wonderful problem. After years of showing off that roguish, untamable charm, many people believe that is the man in real Life. Nicholson's personal life, from a tabloid perspective, does nothing to change that perception. Nicholson's new film Something's Gotta Give, co-starring Diane Keaton, and directed by Nancy Meyers, slyly plays to Jack's perception and then against it to terrific romantic and comedic effect.

Nicholson stars as Harry Sanborn, a record company owner with a fetish for younger woman. Specifically, Harry only goes for woman under 30. His latest little twinkie is Marin Berry (Amanda Peet) who brings Harry to her mother's beach house in the Hamptons for a romantic weekend. Unfortunately, she didn't know her mother, Erica (Keaton), would be there, leading to an awkward meeting in the kitchen between Erica and Harry in his underwear.

From there, things go from bad to worse after a disastrous dinner. Harry and Marin retire to the bedroom and Harry has a heart attack. On the orders of doctors, Harry can't travel and must stay at the beach house, even though Marin is returning to the city. Left alone, Harry and Erica bicker in your traditional romantic comedy fashion until they find a little common ground, and after Harry accidentally catches Erica in the nude. This begins a romantic series of events that aren't what you expect.

This being a romantic comedy, there must be arbitrary roadblocks to keep the lovers apart. One of those is Harry's doctor, played by Keanu Reeves, who takes an interest in Erica. Others are less obvious and are played as emotional roadblocks but are really choices that are made according to the needs of the script.

Director Nancy Meyers knows her chick flicks, having directed Mel Gibson in the blockbuster What Woman Want. Meyers knows the right comic beats to hit and how to get what she wants from her actors. That said, she brings little else to the table as a director. Meyers must rely heavily on the skill of her actors to carry off the material and lucky for her, she is truly blessed in Something's Gotta Give.

To watch a pair of pro's like Nicholson and Keaton fall in love onscreen is a true joy and while not all of the situations the characters find themselves in work, these two brilliant actors make a good deal of them work. Most of the best comedic moments in the film are played with merely a sideways glance, a skill that you just can't teach.

The first half of Something's Gotta Give plays off of what you expect of Jack Nicholson, that free swinging playboy reputation that will follow him for the rest of his life. However, once the two leads are left alone, the film becomes more about Keaton's wonderfully neurotic Erica. A playwright, Erica begins writing her moments with Harry into her latest play leading up to one of the film’s great gags on the set of the play just before it opens.

Something's Gotta Give has elements of your typical romantic comedy, a few too many of those elements for my taste. It wants to be insightful about romance in the later years of life and aging in general but its tone is a little too light for any real insight. What the film has going for it is two terrific actors who never seem to have peaked even as they get older. For that reason, I recommend Something's Gotta Give.