Movie Review The Chronicles of Riddick

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004) 

Directed by David Twohey

Written by David Twohey

Starring Vin Diesel, Karl Urban, Dame Judi Dench, Keith David, Thandie Newton, Colm Feore 

Release Date June 11th, 2004 

Published June 16th, 2004 

2000's Pitch Black was a surprise hit thanks to the combination of hardcore sci-fi fans and a low budget. The biggest thing to come from Pitch Black was not its grosses but it's star, the bald-headed muscleman Vin Diesel. Four years later, up the budget and the star power and the sequel The Chronicles Of Riddick has the look and feel of a blockbuster. In other words, the antithesis of it's origins. More proof that a bigger budget doesn't make a better movie.

Vin Diesel returns as the anti-hero Riddick. With his glowing eyes and muscled physique, Riddick is supposedly the most dangerous man in the universe. Since escaping from the last uninhabitable planet, Riddick has been leaping from one planet to the next, narrowly avoiding the Mercs, a group whose gig is like bounty hunters but with a different title.

A group of bounty hunters, err Mercs, led by Toombs (Nick Chinlund) have been hard on Riddick's trail for a while but with little success. After finally getting their hands on him, Riddick finds a way to escape and take over their ship. Crash landing on another planet, Riddick comes face to face with a rare man from his past who doesn't want to kill or capture him, Imam (Keith David). He’s a man whom Riddick saved four years ago, one of three holdovers from Pitch Black.

As luck would have it, Riddick has crashed right in the middle of an invasion by a “convert or die” warlord clan called Necromongers, led by a man called Lord Marshall (Colm Feore). Imam asks Riddick if he will help fight the Necromongers, who kill anyone who refuse to join them. Riddick isn't interested in fighting for a cause other than himself. It's only when the Necromongers threaten him that he fights back.

Honestly, most of the plot is rather lost on me. Somehow, Riddick is the only man who can fight the Necromongers, something about his nearly destroyed race called the Furions. Anyway before Riddick can get down to pounding Necromongers he is recaptured by the Mercs and taken to yet another ridiculously, uninhabitable planet. It's a prison camp where he finds Kyra, or Jack or both. She was Jack in Pitch Black but played by a younger actress, now she's Kyra and played by Alexa Davalos. (See the original to make more sense of that)

Where to begin with this film’s problems? How about Dame Judi Dench who while radiant and always credible as an actress, can't make the film’s idiotic, nonsensical dialogue sound plausible. Poor Thandie Newton has an even harder time with her sub-Lady Macbeth role as Lady Vaako, the wife of the Necromongers’ second in command Lord Vaako played far more credibly by Karl Urban.

Worst of all though is Colm Feore who is so badly miscast. Colm Feore is a believable actor playing a conniving lawyer or maybe an Enron executive but as a bad guy tough enough to beat up Vin Diesel, I wasn't buying it. If this guy could take Riddick then why are we watching this movie? Give me an actor of some bulk or at least a Rutger Hauer type who could bellow Riddick to death. That I could believe.

Look, Riddick is entirely, stupidly contrived sci-fi, low on the sci, high on the fi. This is a big dumb loud action movie that claims the title sci-fi only for its space setting. Regardless of that, the big dumb loud action is well staged, well shot and a whole heck of a lot of fun.

Vin Diesel does what Vin Diesel does, kicks ass with an occasional bit of dark humor. The fight scenes are badass and the effects are pretty good, especially the burning hot sun on the prison planet that melts people, very cool gory effect.

Did I like Chronicles Of Riddick? Kind of. Take it for what is and don't expect much else and you can be viscerally entertained. I prefer my sci-fi with a little more intellect but occasionally a big dumb loud action adventure, if it's technically proficient, can work on me. Some of Chronicles of Riddick work. What doesn't, really doesn't.

Movie Review: Crazy as Hell

Crazy as Hell (2002) 

Directed by Eriq LaSalle

Written by Jeremy Leven

Starring Michael Beach, Eriq LaSalle, Ronny Cox 

Release Date September 27th, 2002 

Published November 4th, 2002 

For eight years, Eriq LaSalle was best known for his sullen brooding performance as Dr. Peter Benton on NBC's ER. His rare big screen appearances are highlighted by a fascinating turn in the race drama The Drop Squad. In his directorial debut in Crazy As Hell LaSalle let's his hair down and delivers an over-the-top take on religion and race in a mental hospital.

Crazy As Hell tells the story of controversial psychiatrist Dr. Ty Adams (Another former ER actor, Michael Beach,). His non-medical approach to therapy has lead to the death of two patients but has seemingly helped more than it has hurt. Dr. Adams arrives at Sedah Psychiatric Hospital to an unwelcome glare from the facilities boss Dr. Delazo (Ronny Cox). Not only does Dr. Delazo disagree with Dr. Adams's form of therapy he is also unhappy about a documentary crew that has been installed in the hospital for thirty days to document Dr. Adams's unusual treatment. The documentary crew is headed up by the very engaging John C. McGinley.

A short time after Dr. Adams arrival, a new patient arrives. The patient is a large intimidating man who claims to be Satan himself (LaSalle). Having checked himself into the hospital voluntarily, Satan is not initially one of the doctor's patients.

Dr. Adams meanwhile is haunted by his past in which his wife and child were murdered and he believes it was his fault. Adams is plagued by visions of his late wife and has animated conversations with her that is picked up by the documentary cameras.

Dr. Adams's treatments from the start are aimed at one patient named Cheryl (Tracy Petit). Cheryl is a paranoid schizophrenic who doesn't speak to anyone. While on medication she is sedate and quiet. However under Dr. Adams's treatments, Cheryl is a screaming crying mess that refuses to leave her room. Despite Delazo's worries, she does begin to show some slow improvement. However, the little improvement that Dr. Adams makes with Cheryl is limited by the outbursts of Satan, who refuses to be ignored. He delights in interfering with Dr. Adams and teasing him with hints as to whether or not he really is who he says he is.

As a first time director, Eriq LaSalle shows a talent for atmospherics. His pacing could use some work as the film drags a little in the middle but the teasing aspects of the dialogue and performances are compelling enough to hold your interest.

One thing that LaSalle would benefit from is better casting. Michael Beach is a wooden performer of little charisma. He sells the dramatic aspects of the film as his character reveals a mental illness of his own induced by his wife's death. However, the interaction between Beach and LaSalle and Beach and Ronny Cox is stilted and unbelievable as they act circles around Beach. Beach's poor interaction with LaSalle and Cox seem like they are chewing scenery but in reality they are simply eating a scene around Beach because somebody had to make the scenes interesting.

If anything, Crazy As Hell shows the potential of a great filmmaker in Eriq LaSalle and I look forward to his next turn behind the camera.

Movie Review: The Boys from Brazil

The Boys from Brazil (1978) 

Directed by Franklin J. Schaffner

Written by Heywood Gould

Starring Gregory Peck, Sir Laurence Olivier, Steve Guttenberg

Release Date October 4th, 1978 

Published December 2nd, 2002 

Recently I discovered my new favorite cable channel is The History Channel. For some reason I find myself fascinated by bible history, mysteries of the unknown and the History channels specialty; World War 2. There doesn't seem to be any angle of WW2 that the History Channel hasn't covered, even movies about World War 2. A recent special detailed the numerous films with links to WW2 and one caught my eye, a strange 1978 teaming of acting legends Gregory Peck and Laurence Olivier called The Boys From Brazil.

Mixing a strange bit of actual history with the limitless potential of genetic science and a whole lot of lame melodrama and you have one odd, unbelievable film.

It is an actual historic fact that the legendary monster Dr. Joseph Mengele, one of the authors of Hitler’s Final Solution, escaped Germany some time before the end of the war. Mengele was captured in South America years later by a pair Nazi hunters. The Boys From Brazil imagines Mengele (Gregory Peck) living well in South America and teaming with a small group of Nazi officers who, like Mengele, escaped Germany before the end of the war. For this group of Nazis the war is not over and Mengele has a rather far out plan that needs to be put into place immediately in order to work. The plan is an elaborate experiment that began before Hitler's death and continued with Mengele while living in exile in Paraguay. The details of the plan are uncovered by an eager young Jewish “Nazi hunter” played by Steve Guttenberg. 

Yes, THAT Steve Guttenberg.

The young Nazi hunter is murdered for spying on this historic meeting but not before he relays a good portion of the plan to the world’s leading Nazi hunter, Ezra Lieberman (Laurence Olivier). The plan calls for the assassinations of 94 seemingly random men all age 65 and all civil servants. Lieberman is at first highly skeptical of the story but after learning of some unusual deaths of men across the world fitting similar circumstances, Lieberman begins looking for a pattern and finds it in the men's children.

History tells us that Hitler wasn't just psychotic, he was nuts too. He and Mengele conducted horrible experiments on both Jews and non-Jews, including genetic testing and attempts at cloning. There is documented proof that Hitler looked into the potential of cloning himself and that he had Mengele take samples of his DNA for such purposes. The Boys From Brazil imagines that these experiments were successful. All of which leads to a dramatic confrontation between the evil doctor and the Nazi hunter in a farmhouse in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. 

No I'm not kidding!

The film is brazen in its ridiculous premise and awful scripting. One could even say that any dramatizing of Mengele especially one so broad and weird as this portrayal is highly offensive and tarnishes the memory of the people Mengele tortured. The film is so poorly staged and it's shocking revelations so stupid your left wondering how a film like this could ever get made.

Even more puzzling is how two amazing actors like Peck and Sir Laurence Olivier could look at a script so ridiculous and actually see something worth filming. Olivier actually does a scene opposite Steve Guttenberg, the man who made Lawrence of Arabia playing opposite the guy from Police Academy!

Maybe Peck and Olivier thought they were making a comedy. That might explain there loud over-the-top performances that were so hammy they would make Jeremy Irons blush. The Boys From Brazil is a movie only Mystery Science Theater could appreciate. It’s laughably over the top, poorly staged and ridiculously scripted. And to think, I could have been watching The History Channel. 

Movie Review The Alamo

The Alamo (2004) 

Directed by John Lee Hancock

Written by John Lee Hancock, Stephen Gaghan, Leslie Bohem

Starring Patrick Wilson, Billy Bob Thornton, Dennis Quaid, Jason Patric 

Release Date April 9th, 2004 

Published April 8th, 2004 

With the patriotic fervor of the war in Iraq having died down, the time for a rousing patriotic war film may have passed. Indeed the producers of The Alamo had to be considering that fervor when they went into production in early 2003. Unfortunately, they lost the opportunity to capitalize on it when the film was deemed not ready for its original December release. Now dumped with little fanfare into the month of April, The Alamo arrives as a professionally made but unmemorable history lesson.

Directed by John Lee Hancock (The Rookie), The Alamo tells the story of how legendary figures Jim Bowie (Jason Patric), William Travis (Patrick Wilson) and Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) came to a tiny church in San Antonio to fight for the idea that would become the state of Texas.

For Bowie, San Antonio was the home of his late wife where he had spent many happy nights. His return to San Antonio and to the Alamo was a favor to his friend General Sam Houston (Dennis Quaid). Houston was to retrieve the Texas army's largest canon and return it to Gonzales, Texas where the leaders are debating their future. By taking the canon, they are essentially ceding San Antonio to the Mexicans.

William Travis on the other hand, has been charged with holding the Alamo until a decision can be made as to how Texas will declare and defend itself from Mexico's dictator Santa Ana. Will the Texans declare their independence or negotiate a settlement with Santa Anna to hold onto their land under Mexican rule? Under the assumption that Santa Anna will not attack in the winter, the Alamo is thought to be fairly secure, allowing time for the leaders to debate their options.

For David Crockett, as he prefers to be called, Texas is a place to reclaim his legend after losing his congressional seat in Tennessee. Crockett has spoken to Sam Houston and been assured a good deal of land and power if Texas is declared independent. Crockett arrives at the Alamo unaware that the fighting has not stopped, only slowed due to the weather and the Texans' indecision over how to declare independence.

The setup for the climactic battle is slow and drawn out, probably because the actual battle of the Alamo didn't last long. Once Santa Anna decided on a full frontal attack with thousands of Mexican soldiers, there was little that the three hundred or so Texans could do to stop them. The setup for the battle has its moments, such as when Davy Crockett grabs his fiddle and plays along with Santa Anna's army marching band. Still, for the most part it's all rather dull.

We learn little about the historical figures of Bowie, Travis or Crockett other than both Bowie and Travis were slave owners and that Crockett never actually jumped a raging river or took on 20 men at once. Credit Billy Bob Thornton with the film’s best performance. Davy Crockett is a poetic pragmatist who struggles with his legendary status that was assured well before he became a martyr for Texas independence at the Alamo.

The film’s best moments are the battle scenes, the siege at the Alamo, which is quick and brutal, and the battle of Houston where Sam Houston avenged the Alamo by routing Santa Anna's army in 18 minutes. Director John Lee Hancock manages one great moment of emotion with Houston's "Remember The Alamo" rallying cry but other than that the film is rather staid and emotionless. Well made, but soulless.

The film is very professionally crafted with solid acting and a well remembered story. However, it plays like a history lesson from a very dull high school class. None of the characters, aside from Davy Crockett, have much of a personality and none of the supporting performances makes any impression whatsoever.

There was a controversial rumor about Davy Crockett's death but it's only a misunderstanding. The Crockett legend is very much intact at the end of the film. Without the controversy there is very little that is memorable about this Alamo.

Movie Review After April

After April (2001) 

Directed by Brian Evans 

Written by Ryan Farley 

Starring Michael McKiddy, Angela Duffy 

Release Date December 2nd, 2002 

Published December 2nd, 2002 

AIDS is an issue that has disappeared from mainstream consciousness. That doesn't mean that it isn't still killing people and destroying lives because it certainly is, especially in urban communities. What that means is that AIDS is no longer the cause celebre it once was. Hollywood stars still wear their fashionable AIDS ribbons and show up for the occasional benefit. Still, AIDS statistics that were once front page news are now buried in the back and research into a cure for AIDS languishes even as great strides continue to be made.

In the movie universe you would think AIDS has been cured, because few of us can recall the last time we saw a movie with an AIDS afflicted character. The film After April does not come out with an agenda aimed at bringing AIDS to the forefront once again. Moreover it deals with the disease in an intelligent and emotional way one hopes will make people remember this most horrible of killers and the lives it destroys.

After April is the brainchild of director Brian Evans and writer Ryan Farley. The film stars Michael McKiddy as Patrick, an inner city white kid whose parents are non existent and whose drug habit was an all consuming problem until he met Eve, played by Angela Duffy. While Eve is also a junkie they both would like to get clean and leave their inner city home. Just one week from starting a new life with the help of Eve's Aunt, Patrick gets some very bad news. 

A letter informs Patrick that the local blood bank could not use his blood for unspecified reasons. Determined to know why his blood was rejected Patrick and Eve go to the blood bank and Patrick intimidates a bureaucratic nurse into telling him what happened,. Patrick's blood was rejected because he has HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

Angry and depressed Patrick begins to search for the girl he is certain infected him, April, played by Stephanie Slongo. A fellow junkie, April has become a prostitute since she met Patrick. In flashback, we see Patrick meet April in a bar where she entices him into an alley where they have unprotected sex.

Knowing that Patrick brought this onto himself makes him difficult to sympathize with but McKiddy's sad desperate performance makes Patrick a frighteningly real character. McKiddy's Patrick is like someone we know, anyone who sees this film will see traits that they recognize in people who are close to them. Much like Brad Renfro's performance in Bully, McKiddy's raw realism gives After April more affect than you’re expecting.

Angela Duffy as Eve is far more than your average movie girlfriend. Not merely a plot device Eve is a fully fleshed out character who allows the audience to care about Patrick because she cares about him. Even in Patrick's most extreme moments Eve stays with him not because she is weak or needy but because she truly cares about him.

The cast is rounded out by Ethan Jordan as Carney, Patrick and Eve's dealer until they decided to clean up. Carney is also April's dealer so when Patrick goes looking for her Carney is the first person he goes to. Surprisingly philosophical for a dope dealer, Carney combines an unusual social conscience with his antisocial dealings. Carney doesn't like what has happened to his neighborhood, but openly admits that he is part of the problem. He honestly respects Patrick's attempt to clean up and when he sees Patrick slipping as he searches for April, Carney offers wise council. Though his rap about how having inner city kids killing each other is what the government wants makes the character look ridiculous, Jordan's honest well delivered performance keeps the character grounded and real.

The unique combination of revenge thriller and an issue as serious as HIV makes After April one of the most fascinating films I've seen in a long time. The film’s direction and production values could stand for improvement but as it is, After April is a raw and thought-provoking film. A film with more than just an idea, more than just a gimmick, April brings the tragedy of AIDS to the streets in a way that is shocking and attention grabbing without being sensationalistic or preachy. This is a very good movie.

Movie Review 13 Going on 30

13 Going on 30 (2004) 

Directed by Gary Winick 

Written by Josh Goldsmith, Cathy Yuspa 

Starring Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo, Judy Greer, Andy Serkis

Release Date April 23rd, 2004

Published April 19th, 2004

Being a fan of TV's “Alias,” I am well aware of the tremendous talents of Jennifer Garner. Her role in last year’s comic book adventure Daredevil showed she could easily transfer that talent to the big screen. Now, with the big screen comedy 13 Going on 30, Garner has the biggest test of her talents yet. Playing what is essentially a re-imagining of Tom Hanks' role in 1987's Big, Garner shows a comic flair that she has not had the opportunity to show before. It's a risky departure and a surprisingly successful one as well.

In 13 Going on 30, Garner is Jenna Rink, whom we first meet at the age of 13 as an insecure kid who hopes to become part of a popular clique. She has her chance when the popular kids promise to attend her thirteenth birthday party. However, her popularity comes with a price as she alienates her best friend Matt. Worse yet, the popular girls were only joking about being her friend and instead abandon Jenna as she awaits her first kiss with one of the popular boys in a game of “seven minutes in heaven.” This leaves Jenna stranded and crying in her closet wishing that she could be 30 years old like the girls in her favorite magazine.

When next we see Jenna, she is grown up and very confused. Her wish has come true and she is now 30 years old, only she doesn't remember anything between her wish in the closet and waking up in her fabulous New York apartment. Soon she finds out that she has become an editor at her favorite magazine, Poise, and she became and remains friends with the popular clique from her high school. However she is no longer friends with Matt (Mark Ruffalo) who has grown up to become a photographer and is soon to be married. In her confusion, Jenna discovers that hurting Matt was the biggest mistake in her life and that wanting to be popular has cost her real happiness.

Not exactly groundbreaking storytelling. However as it is played with such lively joy by Jennifer Garner, this trite, overly sweet story is surprisingly funny. Garner tosses her dignity to the curb and goes full speed ahead into being a thirteen-year trapped in the body of a thirty-year-old. Not only is she believable, she is very funny. Garner infuses the role with more acting talent than you expect for such light material. She’s also very well matched with Mark Ruffalo whose credibility as dramatic actor gives the film’s melodrama a needed gravity.

Director Gary Winick borrows effectively from Penny Marshall's Big, combining it with the bubbly effusiveness of Legally Blonde for a comic fantasy romance that is sweet without being overly precious. There are big laughs in the film but more importantly there are big smiles, especially the ones you leave the theater wearing.

My only real problem with the film is it's title which evokes those bad eighties body switching movies like 18 Again or Vice Versa. While those films are in this one's spirit, this is a different and far better film. It's not the most original movie and there are few cringe-inducing moments of over the top cuteness, but nothing so bad that they can't be overlooked. 

There is too much about the film that works for me to care about the moments that don't. 13 Going On 30 is a shockingly good movie that I am very pleasantly surprised to recommend.

Movie Review: Boogeyman Starring Barry Watson

Boogeyman (2005) 

Directed by Stephen Kay 

Written by Eric Kripke, Juliet Snowden, Stiles White

Starring Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel, Lucy Lawless

Release Date February 4th, 2005 

Published February 5th, 2005 

There is a little known legend about a being called Zwarne Piet who it is said was a counterpart to Saint Nicholas or Santa Claus. Zwarne Piet was said to punish with a beating the children that Saint Nick deemed naughty. The legend of Zwarne Piet (there is no other english translation I am aware of) is one of the many entomological beginnings of the Boogeyman or man in the closet myths.

Every child was certainly made aware of the boogeyman whether it was from friends at a slumber party or siblings attempting to scare one another with a frightening bedtime story. The horror flick Boogeyman, starring Barry Watson, attempts to mine this childhood chestnut for some modern scares. Unfortunately, my description of Zwarne Piet has more scares than anything in this derivative PG-13 borefest.

A boy lies in bed, scared silly. Everything in his bedroom, in the dark, takes on a sinister shadow--his childhood toys, his robe laid across a chair, and of course his large, oaken, half-closed closet door. Poor  Timmy, it seems, has just recently learned of the Boogeyman from his dad (Charles Mesure). This is dad's charming way of teaching Timmy a lesson of some kind, but when the legend turns real it's dad who become the boogeyman's victim, right before Timmy's innocent eight-year-old eyes.

Fifteen years later, Tim (Barry Watson) is a slightly neurotic magazine editor with a beautiful girlfriend, Jessica (Tory Mussett), and a deep-seated fear of closets. Years of therapy have finally convinced Tim that his dad simply disappeared on his own and that the boogeyman was merely his imagination. However, when Tim's mom dies and he heads home, the boogeyman is waiting for him.

Director Stephen T. Kay working from a not-so-original screenplay by Eric Kripke, renders Boogeyman in homage to any number of hackneyed horror flicks and specifically Kubrick's The Shining and Speilberg's Jaws. Not that Boogeyman is any where near as good as those two films; rather, Kay obviously watched both of them prior to making his movie because aspects of each populate Boogeyman.

The Shining can be seen in the many whip-pan camera moves and arty, over-shoulder camera perspectives Kay employs. Occasionally Kay does capture a striking image but so much of Boogeyman is a reproduction of horror cliches that the occasional artful camera shot is rather meaningless in the long run. There is certainly nothing in Boogeyman as eye catching as Kubrick's elevator of blood.

The homage to Jaws seems more of an act of necessity than of actual tribute. One of the awesome memories of Jaws is how Speilberg kept the shark offscreen for most of the picture. Kay similarly keeps his Boogeyman under wraps until the very end. This Boogeyman, sadly, is no Bruce the shark.  ("Bruce" was the name Speilberg allegedly gave the mechanical monstrosity.) The Boogeyman is a mess of CGI shadows suggestive of a guy in blackface screaming.

Barry Watson was once a hot commodity in Hollywood. After making a splash as a hunk on the early seasons of 7th Heaven, Watson attempted to subvert the teen idol image thrust upon him. Unlike Johnny Depp before him, who shook a similar image by burying himself in complicated parts in underseen indie flicks, Watson cut his hunk hairstyle, grew some stubble and began making really bad movies.

First was the insipid college comedy Sorority Boys and now Boogeyman. I doubt Barry will have the teen idol stuff to overcome anymore. Another role like the one he plays in Boogeyman and I'm sure he will be begging the folks at 7th Heaven to take him back.

The PG-13 rating is the scourge of the modern horror film. Now that movies such as The Grudge have shown the box office viability of the PG-13 rating, more and more horror flicks are cutting the gore and nudity of the horror classics. Regrettably, these films not only lose the gore and nudity--they also forget the scares. Boogeyman is the latest in a growing genre of horror-less horror films that trade in established horror conventions for mood lighting and atmospherics to ever-diminishing success.

Why poor Emily Deschanel, now the star of the terrific procedural drama Bones on the Fox network, chose to co-star in this abysmal attempt at childhood scares is a mystery. Deschanel's earthy charm and natural wit are lost in this wretched, weak-kneed frightfest. Playing Watson's childhood friend and potential love interest, Deschanel seems to barely be in control of her gag reflex as she follows Watson from one tepid bloodless scare to the next.

Whether it is the neutered PG-13 scares or the fact that I simply loathe Barry Watson, I really hated Boogeyman. This is the latest in a series of tired, blood free, boob free horror flicks aimed at teenagers of a slightly less-than-discerning taste.

Movie Review: Cursed

Cursed (2005)

Directed by Wes Craven 

Written by Kevin Williamson

Starring Christina Ricci, Josh Jackson, Jesse Eisenberg, Scott Baio, Judy Greer, Shannon Elizabeth

Release Date February 25th, 2005 

Published February 24th, 2005

As far as career low points go I would have thought Director Wes Craven could not go any lower than his sad and long forgotten Eddie Murphy vampire flick Vampire In Brooklyn. However after seeing Mr. Craven's new werewolf picture Cursed I find that even if you have previously dug to the bottom of the barrel you can always lift the barrel to go a little lower.

Cursed is a shameful example of a once great Director in his most faded glory. In attempting to recreate the past success of the Scream series Craven has crafted a woefully inept spectacle of bad special effects and reteamed with writer Kevin Williamson, a return to the kind of in-the-know humor that made Scream hip.... in '96.

Christina Ricci stars as Elly, a TV producer raising her little brother Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg) after the death of their parents. When the kids are involved in a car accident, they are attacked by some kind of beast that annihilates another woman (Shannon Elizabeth, in a cameo nod to Drew Barrymore in Scream). Jimmy claims the beast was a werewolf and the cops and his sister are unsurprisingly skeptical.

Jimmy becomes obsessed with werewolf lore, because someone in werewolf movies has to provide exposition, spending hours researching the side effects of a non-fatal werewolf attack. Naturally there is the moonlight thing, an aversion to silver and a heightened sense of smell especially when it comes to blood. Soon both brother and sister are showing some supernatural side effects and only killing the wolf that attacked them can save them from a lifetime of moonlight killing.

Josh Jackson plays Elly's boyfriend who has a dark secret of his own and Judy Greer (The Village) plays a bitchy rival to Elly in her job as a producer on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. The cast also boasts cameos by Kilborn, Lance Bass of N'Sync, pop star Mya and Scott Baio (Yes, Scott Baio).

Memo to Kevin Williamson, simply putting Scott Baio in your movie is not funny. Give him something funny to do or say or don't do it at all. Mr. Baio's cameo is a throwaway, amongst many throwaway jokes that fall flat throughout Cursed.

The screenplay by Kevin Williamson attempts to mine comedy from Elly's gig as a producer on the Kilborn show but with Kilborn having left since the film wrapped more than a year ago, the comedy is embarassingly stale. Williamson also attempts to revive the running gags from the Scream series with Shannon Elizabeth's brief cameo and quick death and of course that knowing ironic horror movie humor that was his forte more than 10 years ago but has failed to mature much in the same way Mr. Williamson's career has failed to mature toward the success so many expected for him after the twin hits Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

It's not just the humor that falls flat in Cursed but also the career of the once very promising Christina Ricci. After her Prozac Nation was shelved before being dumped to cable and forgotten, it seems Ms. Ricci is longing for the kind of paycheck an actor can only get when they compromise their talent. Cursed however is not merely a compromise.  It's a total sellout. Never before has Ricci been so lifeless and banal on screen.

Ms. Ricci is not alone in the sellout department. It seems everyone from former Dawson's Creek star Johua Jackson to pop star Mya to the lovely Judi Greer were all willing to throw actorly credibility to the wind to gather a paycheck. Only Greer's performance could be called memorable, but not memorable for the right reasons. Ms. Greer's performance is so embarrassing she may want to leave it off her resume in the future.

The CGI effects employed in Cursed to bring the various werewolves to life are seemingly what Ed Wood might have created had he the chance to use the technology. All of the films werewolves are bad cartoons and because of the restrictive PG-13 Rating the film cannot distract the audience from the terrible effects with blood and gore. PG-13 simply does not suit the man who arguably has spilled more cinematic blood in history than any other director. The film's rating and lack of old school blood and guts is clearly a box office related compromise between Craven and the studio Dimension Films.

Not that an R-Rating could have done much for what is the worst outing of Wes Craven's long career. The master of horror delivers a movie with a thuddingly uninteresting script, little to no real scares and CGI effects, never his strong suit, that are some of the worst I have seen in a long while. Cursed plays not like a Wes Craven movie but rather like one of those early 2000's movies that he simply slapped his name on like They or Dracula 2000: bad, low-budget horror that capitalizes off the name of the man once called the Master of Horror. That name has lost a great deal of its cache with Cursed, one of the worst films of the 2004.

Movie Review Open Season

Open Season (2006) 

Directed by Roger Allers, Jill Cullen

Written by Steve Bencich, Ron J. Friedman, Nate Maulden

Starring Martin Lawrence, Ashton Kutcher, Gary Sinise, Debra Messing, Jon Favreau 

Release Date September 29th, 2005

Published September 30th, 2005

Sony Pictures Animation is brand new to the computer animation game. Their first feature Monster House, with producer Robert Zemeckis, was a fun, clever, kid friendly concept that would have benefited from a better release date. The second feature from Sony is equally as fun, though not quite as clever, and shows that Sony may be the first big studio animation arm to be truly competitive with Pixar in terms of creating fully integrated animated films with appeal beyond the child audience.

Monster House is a better, more accomplished example of the quality of Sony's work, but the new animated picture Open Season has just enough quality work to show Sony's potential.

Martin Lawrence gives voice to Boog in Open Season, a bear who has been domesticated. Living in the garage of a caring forest ranger (Debra Messing); Boog has his TV, nine square meals a day and he's even learned how to use the toilet. His domestic bliss is upended when he meets Elliott (Ashton Kutcher). Poor Elliott has been captured by an evil hunter (Gary Sinise) and strapped to the hood of the hunters truck.

Boog, on a day in the city with his forest ranger pal, see's Elliott and helps him escape. Elliott, thinking he has made a new best friend forever, follows Boog home and entices him out of the garage for a night on the town. The two end up vandalizing a mini-mart, an offense that causes the local sheriff to force the forest ranger to release Boog into the wild.

Never having had to survive on his own, Boog finds his new life in the forest to be, pardon the pun, un-bear-able. So, with Elliott's help, Boog tries to find his way back to the garage. Along the way he earns the ire of almost every other creature in the forest, especially after he crushes the local beaver dam and flushes everyone into the valley where hunters are awaiting the opening of hunting season.

Part of the strategy of Sony Pictures Animation is working with talented artists with great track records. On Monster House they worked with a rookie director, Gil Kenan, but backed him up with the proven talent of producer Robert Zemeckis. On Open Season Sony worked with director Roger Allers who directed the all time animated classic The Lion King.

Open Season does not compare with The Lion King in terms of the quality of its storytelling but the animation of Open Season is at times the equal of any and all of the great animated pictures, digital or otherwise. The forest landscapes of Open Season are absolutely gorgeous which is strangely at odds with the otherwise mundane  talking animals storyline. The animation tends to overwhelm a story beneath the dignity of the artistry of the animation.

Not that the story of Open Season isn't cute or funny, it is, but the grand animation of Open Season would be better suited to a more dramatic feature, ala The Lion King.

Part of the fun of Open Season is the voice work of Martin Lawrence and Ashton Kutcher. These two actors, who have struggled mightily in their live action work, are dynamic vocalists in Open Season. Lawrence does a terrific job of channeling the child-like innocence of Boog and combining it with an attitude of entitlement of a very spoiled child. As Boog becomes more mature, Lawrence channels his usual bravado and good humor into Boog to great effect.

Kutcher is a natural for voicework. He is naturally over the top and exemplifies boundless energy, as he so often showed on That 70's Show. Elliott, like TV's Michael Kelso, is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he has a big heart and that comes through in his voice. He just wants to be liked, he just wants to make friends and in that sense he is very reminiscent of another beloved animated sidekick Eddie Murphy's Donkey from the Shrek movies.

If the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals made an animated feature, I'm guessing it would look alot like Open Season. The film is like PETA propaganda. The hunters are mouth breathing morons and seething villains who hunt for the joy of the kill and not merely for sport. The animals are, of course, cute and smart and essentially more human than their human counterparts.

I am a little concerned about one thing about this animated tale of a grizzly bear who is kept as a pet. There was a documentary last year called Grizzly Man in which a man named Timothy Treadwell failed to understand how dangerous the grizzly bear truly is. Treadwell convinced himself that the bears were his friends, he even named them like pets. Timothy Treadwell died, eaten by his pals the grizzly's. Parents, be sure to make your children understand that Grizzly bear's are not pets.

If Sony Pictures Animation is going to compete with the gold standard set by Pixar they will need to do a little better than Open Season. That said, Open Season; in its lovely animation and wide appeal story, does demonstrate the potential of Sony's animated arm. Working with talented directors like Roger Allers is definitely a sign of the commitment of the company to the quality of their work.

The kids will love the talking animals and the adventure stories and mom and dad won't be bored thanks to the remarkable animation that often invites audiences just to gaze at it forgetting for a moment the mundane story.

Movie Review: Dreamer Inspired by a True Story

Dreamer Based on a True Story (2005)

Directed by John Gatins

Written by John Gatins

Starring Dakota Fanning, Kurt Russell, Kris Kristoffeson, Luis Guzman, Elisabeth Shue 

Release Date October 21st, 2005 

Published October 21st, 2005 

In her short life young Dakota Fanning has not only become a movie star, she has proven herself to be a very capable actress. At a slight 11 years old Fanning has had several starring roles ranging from indies to blockbusters. She has crossed genres from light comedy in Uptown Girls to the Sci-Fi of War of the Worlds to the thriller Man On Fire. She has starred alongside elites like Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington and Robert DeNiro and often been as good or better than her more veteran co-stars.

Fanning's newest film, Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story, marks the first time Fanning can claim a film as her own starring vehicle. This little horse that could drama is at times more than a little sappy and sentimental but Dakota Fanning's performance makes the little extra schmaltz worth it.

In Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story Dakota Fanning stars as Cale Crane the daughter of a horse trainer, Ben Crane played by Kurt Russell. Living on a Kentucky horse farm with no horses, Cale dreams of one day filling the big empty barn. However, a family secret held between her father and grandfather Pop Crane (Kris Kristofferson) makes this dream seemingly impossible.

Though Pop also has a home on the property, father and son have not spoken more than a few words in years. Despite the rift Cale is allowed to have a good relationship with her grandfather who tells her fantastic horse racing legends and stories about the farm when there were horses raised there. This is another source of father-son tension. Ben has tried to keep his daughter at a distance from horses in hopes of shielding her from the kind of horse related trauma he experienced early in his life.

Whether it's her grandfather's stories or the fact that she's a little girl and all little girls love horses, nothing can keep Cale from joining her dad at the racetrack. Sadly, on her first visit to the track, Cale witnesses a horrible incident. Ben's horse Sonador, spanish for "dreamer", falls in a race and breaks a leg. The standard practice in this case is euthanasia however Ben refuses to put the horse down in front of Cale. Ben's refusal leads to a heated exchange with his boss, Palmer (David Morse), which ends with Ben being fired.

Using his severance pay Ben buys Sonador to keep her from being killed. Now the family's entire future rides on rehabbing Sonador so she can be used for breeding. However, when something miraculous happens, Sonador may just do more than breed a champion, she may in fact still be a champion.

The story is typical of the rote sports movie genre that director John Gatins has made his specialty. Though Dreamer is Gatins first directorial effort he was the writer behind Coach Carter, Hardball and Summer Catch. He knows all of the beats and rhythms of the genre, maybe even too well. The story is belabored and predictable but Gatins is blessed by his amazing cast which makes the bitter pill of cliche go down easy.

Dakota Fanning continues an unfortunate trend in her young career where her work outclasses the material. Dreamer is cloying, manipulative and entirely by the numbers but Fanning is believable, whip-smart and eminently watchable. Her sweetness never bubbles over into toothache territory and her cuteness is measured by her deep eyes filled with wisdom beyond her years.

The supporting cast greatly aides Fanning's performance. Kurt Russell continues to be the most underrated actor working today. Someday Russell is going to find just the right role to break him out of the mold of everyman and into the realm of the award-worthy actor he truly is. Kris Kristofferson is his reliably crusty self perfectly cast as the struggling father and doting grandfather.

The only disappointment in the supporting performances is poor Elizabeth Shue. Playing Fanning's mother, Shue's role revolves around nagging Russell's character to take more of an interest in their daughter. She comes on screen to frown when things look grim and smile when things look bright. The character has no depth or life of her own and is far too underwritten for an actress of Shue's talent.

Dreamer is a good natured and sweet story with a natural appeal to children, especially young girls. All little kids love animals but there is a unique connection between little girls and horses and Dreamer lovingly portrays this connection. Watching my sisters growing up and playing with toy horses and now my young nieces doing the same makes me wonder what the connection between girls and horses is.

Freud claims it's some kind of sexual thing which just seems creepy to me. I would like to believe it's something more complex than some base pleasure seeking. My mother claims it's about the eyes of a horse, empathetic pools that seem understanding and feeling. Also, horses need a great deal of care in grooming and feeding which could set off a mothering instinct. Whatever the reason, Dreamer taps the emotions of this unspoken connection perfectly.

Horses and Dakota Fanning are an irrresistable combination of cuteness, but that does not excuse Dreamer for being a too-typical sports movie. The film is far too simple in its storytelling and more interested in pulling tears from the audiences eyes than compelling those emotions with better storytelling.

Problems aside, the film works because Dakota Fanning is so appealing and entertaining. Fanning's performance alone is worth the price of admission.

Saccharine and a bit predictable Dreamer runs ahead of the pack of family sports movies because young Dakota Fanning is a real star. She has that intangible 'it' quality that makes you want to watch her and root for her. It's a quality that many child actors have had before but few have sustained it past puberty. Dakota Fanning still has a few years before the first tests of growing up a movie star begin. Until then it's okay to revel in slight sweet performances like the one in Dreamer.

Movie Review: Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet? (2005) 

Directed by Brian Levant

Written by David N. Weiss

Starring Ice Cube, Nia Long, Jay Mohr, Tracy Morgan

Release Date January 21st, 2005 

Published January 20th, 2005

Is Ice Cube attempting to shed his gangsta image in favor of being Martin Lawrence's understudy? It's a fair question when you see him choosing scripts like the one for Are We There Yet, clearly a role that  Martin Lawrence or even Cedric The Entertainer managed to turn down. Are We There Yet is brutally awful. An absolute utter mess of mean spirited physical humor and demonic child characters with a tacked on sappy and sentimental ending.

Honestly, this movie couldn't be worse if it had been inspired by a video game and directed by Uwe Boll.

Nick (Ice Cube) hates children. So bad luck for him when he falls in love at first sight with Suzanne (Nia Long), the mother of two small children. Nick's luck is worse than he knows because even before meeting him the two kids, Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Philip Bolden), have it in for him. For Lindsey and Kevin no man is good enough for their mom, except their dad who has left the family.

Despite his hatred of children Nick really wants to get some, so of course when Suzanne needs someone to ferry her kids from her home in Oregon to Vancouver, Canada where she has to work on New Years Eve, Nick is the first to volunteer. At first they were supposed to fly in, but the kids set him up for Homeland security, putting the kibosh on the plane flight.

They try a train but once again the kids have it in for him. So they are left to drive in Nick's brand new Lincoln Navigator. No points for guessing what happens to this gorgeous vehicle thanks to these two evil children. Poor Nick is then subjected to every form of hack screen writer kind of human torture, from the classic kick in the groin to every form of gross-out humor imaginable.

The film attempts to establish a broad comic tone that might justify it's flights of gross-out humor and over the top elements like Nick's talking bobble head. However the film loses that attempt by tacking on scenes of import such as when the kids are forced to confront their no good father and find out he's never coming back. Such a weighty subject has no place in a film in which a child peeing on an innocent woman is a big comic moment.

And the film manages to get worse. For some reason beyond the comprehension of any right thinking movie watcher, Nick has a Satchell Page bobble head doll. If that is not indignity enough for the legendary Mr. Page, the doll talks to Nick in the voice of former SNL star Tracy Morgan. Why the four screen writers , who shall remain nameless, and hack Director Brian Levant, the auteur behind classics like Jingle All The Way and Snow Dogs, chose to denigrate Mr. Page in this way is anyone's guess. But why does Nick talk to the bobble head and it talk back, is the character supposed to be insane?

How does Director Brian Levant keep getting work? His films have managed to get worse every time he makes one. Jingle All The Way, Snow Dogs and now Are We There Yet are a triumvirate of films that on one resume should mean automatic dismissal. Instead he's already at work on another project. God help us if there is another bobble head or child in the vicinity.

Movie Review: Coach Carter

Coach Carter (2005) 

Directed by Thomas Carter

Written by Mark Schwan, John Gatins

Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Channing Tatum, Rob Brown 

Release Date January 14th, 2005 

Published January 13th, 2005 

In 1999, Richmond High School's basketball coach, Ken Carter, made national headlines by doing something unheard of from an inner-city school. Locking up his gym and cancelling games, Coach Carter required his student athletes to actually be students. I can recall remarking at the time that there was no doubt this story would become a movie and, five years later, that movie has arrived.

Watered down to the mainstream, easy-listening pace of a Hollywood feature, Coach Carter gains resonance and drama thanks to its casting of the amazing Samuel L. Jackson.

When Ken Carter returned to his alma mater, Richmond High School, in the ghettos of Richmond, California, he found a run-down, raggedy basketball team with the discipline of a street gang. Coming out of a 4 and 20 season, the teams' prospects looked no brighter for the new season. That will change under Coach Carter's leadership. With his imposing presence, booming voice, and willingness to allow the teams' best players to quit if they won't follow orders, Coach Carter knows how to take control.

Carter's first act as head coach is to make the players sign an agreement that requires a grade point average higher than the high school standard. The players are also required to wear ties on game day and sit in the front of the classrom. That is not the least of his demands. On the court, Coach Carter runs his team through the floor, teaching them the fundamentals that most of the players had never learned.

With such a large cast, the players don't resonate much as characters. Most simply fit character types that seem diverse when taken as a whole. There is the clown (Antwon Tanner), the white kid (Channing Tatum), and the coach's own son (Robert Ri'chard), who earns his place on the team by promising to work twice as hard. There is also the troubled kid (Rick Gonzalez), whose involvement with drugs and gangs serves as the example of what the kids are striving to avoid.

The one player in Coach Carter who makes an impact is played by Rob Brown, the impressive young actor from 2000's Finding Forrester, whose natural talent is to seem as if he is not acting at all. Brown is truly awesome; his presence dominates even when his character is silent. Brown is involved in the films' most controversial subplot, a high school pregnancy with pop-star Ashanti, who makes an impressive film debut. The subplot is controversial for its results and its unique treatment, but I felt responsibly portrayed and especially well-acted by these two superior young actors.

Coach Carter was directed by television veteran Thomas Carter, no relation to the Coach, who distinguishes this cliched sports-movie premise, uplifting after-school-special kind of stuff, by casting the brilliant Samuel L. Jackson. The casting of someone with Jackson's star power and presence sells the uplifting and potentially sappy elements of the plot.

Jackson is aided greatly by a surprisingly good script by John Gatins and Mark Schwahn, though they were likely assisted by the on-set involvement of the real Coach Ken Carter, whose "No B.S." approach I'm sure was a guiding influence. What makes this story so much more interesting and intelligent than most movies of its genre is the serious way it treats its academic storyline. Yes, the basketball scenes are well shot, but the impressive part is the seriousness of its true subject, the importance of an education.\

Unlike the cowardly Friday Night Lights, a movie that shunned the frightening sociology behind its football story, Coach Carter takes its sociological underpinnings head on. The film tackles, at times indirectly, the psychological, economical and social pressures that cause young black men to lose hope and give in to the lures of easy money by selling drugs.

Coach Carter's one-man-against-the-world approach does at times appear comical. It takes a little while for us to understand why the community rises up against the coach, who's simply trying to make sure their children get educated. Eventually, you do understand, which deepens the sadness and drama that help the film earn its uplifting sports-movie ending.

Coach Carter is not perfect--it has the mainstream, feel-good tone that is the hallmark of both MTV Films and Producers Brian Robbins and Michael Tollin. But, the film also has Samuel L. Jackson, who after drifting through a series of dreadful roles in films like Twisted, Formula 51 and No Good Deed, is back in "badass" form. It is Jackson's performance that makes the feel-good approach not feel either false or sappy. His presence, his dramatic weight and, best of all, that booming 'basso profundo' sell this piece as more than just another sports movie.

Movie Review The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005) 

Directed by Garth Jennings

Written by Douglas Adams, Karey Kirkpatrick 

Starring Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Zooey Deschanel, Sam Rockwell, Alan Rickman

Release Date April 29th, 2005 

Published April 28th, 2005 

The tortured development process for the film adaptation of Douglas Adams' cult novel The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is one of those "Only in Hollywood" tales. As told in David Hughes' book "The Best Sci-Fi films Never Made," the story begins in 1982 with a series of Hollywood Producers following the money rather than any quirky well told sci-fi story. After Douglas Adams' radio series became a smash in Britain and then became a best selling book, Hollywood took notice.

Once the film was transferred to British TV and once again became a hit, Hollywood heavyweights came calling. First, Ivan Reitman wanted to make the film with Bill Murray and Harold Ramis in the cast. He abandoned the project after a year of stops and starts and budget battles, instead he took Murray and Ramis and made Ghostbusters. After that a number of big names (i.e. Bruce Willis, Michael Keaton, Jim Carrey) all floated into and out of the development process.

Poor Douglas Adams waded through bad adaptation after bad adaptation, some with his name unfortunately attached to them. Until 2001 when it looked as if the sun were finally shining on the project. Adams completed what looked like a final script and director Jay Roach, fresh from the hit Meet The Parents and with Austin Powers in his recent past, was ready to helm the project. Fate can be very cruel; Douglas Adams died of a heart attack before the film could even begin scouting locations.

Five years later with the assistance of first time director Garth Jennings and execs at Disney, The Hitchhiker's GuideTo The Galaxy finally made it to the big screen and though it is flawed and not entirely satisfying to its loyal cult audience, it is a solidly entertaining and a surprisingly welcoming sci-fi comedy.

Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) is having a bad day. His home on the outskirts of some tiny unnamed British hamlet is about to be bulldozed in favor  of a new expressway. That, however, is the least of his problems, as his good friend Ford Prefect (Mos Def) is trying to tell him. It seems Arthur's house is not the only thing on Earth about to be bulldozed.  The entire planet has been scheduled for demolition by an officious race of aliens called Vogons.

Luckily for Arthur, his buddy Ford is an interstellar hitchhiker who is able to spirit Arthur off the planet before it's destroyed. Thus begins a most extraordinary adventure that will cross the galaxy with a cast of characters not seen outside of an acid trip. After escaping the Vogons, Arthur and Ford stow away aboard the most beautiful ship in the galaxy, the heart of gold, which is currently captained by the new President of the Galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell).

Along with Zaphod is Marvin a super intelligent but constantly depressed robot (voice by Alan Rickman, character by Warwick Davis) and Trillian (Zooey Deschanel), an earth girl who has brief history with Arthur; she blew him off at a party to go into space with Zaphod just prior to the world exploding. The crew is on the run, one of Zaphod's two heads, yes I said two heads, has kidnapped the other and stolen the spaceship. They are headed across the galaxy to ask a giant computer the meaning of life.

If that is not esoteric enough for you the film is filled to the brim with other subtle bits of humor and wordplay, the best of which comes from the voice of Stephen Fry narrating from the Hitchhiker's Guide. Accompanied by colorful illustrations, the Guide often interrupts the film to deliver an interesting and helpful tidbit about this or that. Fry's eloquent British tones lend an intellectual air to the film's unusual details and the books' quirky dialogue.

By far my favorite part of the film was the opening song called, "So long and thanks for all the fish ''. Sung from the perspective of dolphins, the song tells us that dolphins had for years tried to warn humans about the impending end of the world but we mistook the warnings as cute tricks. Clever and imaginative, the song is the perfect example of the film's oddball humor.

Director Garth Jennings is one half of a commercial and video directing team called Hammer and Tongs who have directed music videos for REM and Blur. Jennings is inexperienced as a feature film director but it's likely that aided his work here rather than harmed it. Jennings directs with wild abandon, never pausing to consider what can't be done. While the story has been compromised for the sake of mainstream appeal, Jennings' direction is perfectly in sync with the books' bizarre humor.

Martin Freeman is best known for his supporting role in the original British version of Ricky Gervais' "The Office". Freeman has the perfect everyman quality that fits with Douglas Adams' conception of Arthur and, better yet, Freeman whines and complains and begs for a good cup of tea just as you would imagine Arthur from the book would. Unfortunately Freeman fails miserably in connecting with American actress Zooey Deschanel in the film's romantic subplot.

The best performance in the film is Sam Rockwell as Zaphod. Rockwell combines the manic energy of Jim Carrey with the rock star look and manner of David Lee Roth. The two heads bit is funnier than it sounds and provides a number of good gags. Mos Def is a calming influence in the sometimes manic, over the top film. His Ford Prefect is often beatific and obtuse but always supportive and helpful to Arthur. Mos Def may not be what fans of the book had in mind when they thought of Ford but he puts any misgivings away with his performance.

Naturally, with such a well known cult object as "Hitchhiker's Guide" the battle between what appeals to the cult and what can appeal to mainstream audiences is a difficult balancing act. Hollywood studios would prefer every film had the same set of easily salable elements so obviously something as quirky as Hitchhiker's Guide is not their cup of tea. The books are esoteric and dry and very British. To Americanize them and make them more mainstream some things are lost in translation and others are added, like a romance between Arthur and Trillian that is the film's weakest element.

Nothing about the romance ever feels right, likely because it was not part of the book. The whole thing feels shoehorned into the plot and because it's all so earnest it does not fit well with the oddball elements of the surrounding film. Zooey Deschanel could really do something with this part but unfortunately with the romantic element forced on her she becomes a functionary of the plot as opposed to a fully fleshed out character.

Jennings does not linger on the romance plot, though.  He is more concerned with cramming the film with exciting visuals and he succeeds more often than not. Watch out for John Malkovich as a half man, half machine in one of the picture's most striking visuals and a terrific scene in which the entire cast is turned into string. These scenes vividly bring to life some of the off-the-wall elements that made "Hitchhiker's Guide" such a cult object.

Overall Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is an imperfect but highly enjoyable sci-fi comedy. It is not exactly what fans of the book would want, but it's not a bad thing that the filmmakers opened up just enough for new fans to get it. The balance is difficult but works for the most part, enough at least for me to recommend it for your movie dollar.

Movie Review The Greatest Game Ever Played

The Greatest Game Ever Played (2005) 

Directed by Bill Paxton

Written by Mark First

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Stephen Dillane, Elias Koteas, Peter Firth

Release Date September 30th, 2005

Published September 28th, 2005

Mark Frost co-created with David Lynch the head trippy TV show Twin Peaks. He co-wrote one of this year's biggest blockbusters, Fantastic Four, and years ago directed the lovely but forgettable romance Storyville. Who knew that all along he harbored the ambitions of a golf historian. Coming across the story of Francis Ouimet some years ago, Frost became obsessed with telling his story.

Ouimet, an amateur golfer and part time caddy, won the 1913 United States Golf Open in Brookline, Massachusetts by defeating arguably the greatest golfer of that era, British Champion Harry Vardon. It's a dramatic story well captured in Mark Frost's 2003 book "The Greatest Game Ever Played".

Given Frost's Hollywood experience the book has a natural cinematic quality to it. The story simply screamed for adaptation. Unfortunately, Frost's idea for a 12 part mini-series on HBO was shot down. Now in a far more truncated version, The Greatest Game Ever Played is an overlong Disney sports movie that nails every cliché of the genre while neglecting much of the detail that made the book special.

Directed by actor Bill Paxton, The Greatest Game Ever Played stars Shia Labeouf as Francis Ouimet, a poor kid living across the street from the prestigious Brookline Country Club where he found work as a caddy. Fascinated as a child by a chance meeting with the British champion Harry Vardon (Stephen Dillane), Francis developed his game in every free minute he had.

Francis's hard bitten father, Arthur (Elias Koteas, with an awful French accent), vehemently opposes Francis playing the game, either because it's above the family's means and social status, or because the plot seems to require his opposition to build tension.  Either way, neither reason is very compelling. Francis remains determined and with the support of his mother (Marnie McPhail) accepts a chance to play in the US Open at Brookline. His job is to show up and provide some local color opposite the out of town pros but Francis shows his mettle and really competes.

The film is not only Francis' story but also that of Harry Vardon, who, as a child, watched his home in Scotland demolished and a golf course put in its place. Determined to earn his way onto that course, Vardon developed into the greatest player Britain had ever seen, winning the British Open championship several times and the US Open once as well. With an eye to finally being allowed to join the club that replaced his home, Harry accepts an offer from the snooty Lord Northcliffe (Peter Firth) to go to the US and bring home the US Championship to England.

The film's subject may be golf but much of the story focuses on class and social status. Both Francis and Harry struggled with being poor kids in a rich man's world. Using their golfing abilities, both manage to find entry into the halls of power only to encounter even more resistance. No matter how many open championships Harry Vardon won, the best he could ever do was an honorary membership at his home country club.

For Francis, the issues of class came from both the men in power at the country club and the man in power of his home. His father was a strong, proud but very bitter man. Whether he envied his son's opportunity to dine with the upper crust or his need to protect his son from the inevitable disappointment of when that upper crust would reject him, his father never supports his playing, although smart audiences won't be surprised if father and son share a touching moment late in the picture.

Bill Paxton directs The Greatest Game Ever Played and makes it quite clear how much he loves the game. Long languorous shots of the tightly cropped grass, loving shots of clubs being handcrafted and endless scenes of straight ahead competition recreated from the 1913 US Open. However within these scenes is the not so subtle hint that golf is far more interesting to the player than to the audience.

Paxton and special effects director Louis Craig dress up much of the actual golfing scenes with flashy special effects that fade out the crowd around either Francis or Harry as they line up their shots and then take the ball's perspective as it flies down the fairway. The effects shots in Greatest Game likely cost more than most of the rest of the film and are entirely anachronistic to the quiet and observational atmosphere of the game, especially when considered against the film's genteel and respectable period setting.

The performances of the film's two leads, Shia LeBeouf and Steven Dillane do little to help the film over the rough spots of the poor special effects and cliched story. LeBeouf is a credible golfer but his performance is lighter here than it was in the truly lighthearted family flick Holes. As for Dillane, he's no stranger to period pieces having played the husband of Virginia Woolf in The Hours. In Greatest Game Dillane is greatly undone by the outright bizarre script that has Harry Vardon envisioning ghosts on the golf course as he struggles to sink putts and keep it in the fairway.

Neither actor is helped by the fact that they are both blown off the screen by the cute kid performance of Josh Flitter. As Francis's  eight year-old caddie, Eddie Lowery, Flitter is a real scene stealer. Eddie Lowery could likely be the subject of his own book or movie someday.  After caddying for Francis, Lowery went on to become a terrific golfer in his own right and a conqueror of the business world becoming a multi-millionaire.

If golf does not grab you, not much else of The Greatest Game Ever Played is likely to grab you either. Whether it is the tortured family dynamics of the Ouimet's or Harry Vardon's oddball obsession with the golf course planners who knocked down his childhood home that show up occasionally as ghosts when Harry struggles on the course, or the oddball performance of Peter Firth as the literally mustache twirling villain, The Greatest Game Ever Played has little that will appeal to the discerning moviegoer.

Disney has taken a very engaging sports book full of unique detail and stirring description and crossed it with the same sports movie formula that has made The Rookie, Remember The Titans, and Coach Carter uplifting sports flotsam. However where those films had sports that are naturally entertaining to a wide audience, golf remains on the margins of sports with audience appeal. Golf fans are highly specific and a film such as this that condescends to dressing up their favored sport with goofy effects is not likely to draw them in.

Then if that were not enough the film throws in a dull romantic subplot with Francis and a girl out of his social strata. The very lovely Peyton List plays Sara Willis, a daughter of one of the club members, who has a chance encounter with Francis as a small child and retains the attraction as the two become teenagers. The film attempts to mine tension from their Romeo and Juliet-esque class warfare but it's nothing that has not been portrayed before in far better films.

At just over two hours The Greatest Game Ever Played is torturously long. From the direction to the writing to the lightweight performances of both Shia LeBeouf and Steven Dillane, the film is as lifeless as a Sunday afternoon in front of a TV screen watching any golf tournament that does not feature the charismatic presence of the sport's greatest attraction, Tiger Woods.

Now throw some Tiger into The Greatest Game Ever Played and maybe you've got something. As it is, the 1913 United States Open may have been the greatest game ever played but it's one of least entertaining films of 2005.

Movie Review: Elizabethtown

Elizabethtown (2005) 

Directed by Cameron Crowe 

Written by Cameron Crowe 

Starring Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, Judy Greer

Release Date October 14th, 2005 

Published October 15th, 2006 

I have wrestled with loving Cameron Crowe's “Elizabethtown” ever since it's 2005 release. The film has been part of one of my most significant relationships, she loves the movie and was angry that I found fault with it. It was with her pushing that I have revisited “Elizabethtown” several times in the intervening years and come away with a number of different reactions.

There are so many wonderfully positive things about “Elizabethtown,” the most notable of which is the extraordinary soundtrack. Of course, Cameron Crowe is a master of movie music so this soundtrack can come as no surprise but the way he uses music in the film does surprise and delight. Listen for the delicate grooves not only of the score done by Crowe's now ex-wife Ann Wilson but also the callbacks to songs by Tom Petty and My Morning Jacket that filter in unexpectedly and underline important scenes.

Watch the unique way Crowe uses the unusual Elton John song My Father's Gun as a mournful reckoning for how Orlando Bloom's Drew Baylor feels as he takes up with the distant family that had loved his father but seemingly held his family at a distance. It's wonderful how the awkward lyrics about the civil war and family legacy coalesce with Drew's discomfort among his extended family.

The music is perfect from scene one with The Hollies Jesus Was a Crossmaker through the end with a brief reprise of Tom Petty's underappreciated It'll All Work Out. Listen to the way that Crowe uses Tom Petty throughout “Elizabethtown” and marvel at the subtlety of director and musician in perfect concert. It'll All Work Out is used just after Drew promises to kill himself and just as his savior/love interest Claire is introduced. The song is our reassuring underline to let us know that though Drew will struggle he will survive. It's much more subtle without my description.

I cannot get enough of Cameron Crowe's ear for music and eye for knowing where exactly to use it in his films. It's a remarkable and underrated talent. With that said, there are a number of issues that I have had with “Elizabethtown” from the first time I saw it, through my first disappointed review through repeated viewings and reevaluations of the film over five years.

The plot begins with Drew Baylor, a 20 something shoe designer for a Nike-esque shoe company in Oregon. Drew has just designed an innovative new work out shoe that has met with massive public disapproval. So bad was the shoe's reception among the public that Drew is being fired and the company is about to lose something close to a billion dollars.

The company's owner, Phil (Alec Baldwin) quotes one critic as saying that this shoe could send a generation back to bare feet. This section is filled with logical inconsistencies and minor quibbles that undercut Drew's dramatic journey. First up is the name of the shoe: Spasmotica. There simply is no company in the world that would release a shoe called Spasmotica and no consumer that would purchase it.

It's a quibble but there is simply no way a multibillion dollar company would not have tested the public reaction to the shoe before committing nearly a billion dollars in marketing and production to it. The title would not have survived the first testing phase nor likely would the design which is something akin to a Ray fish. We are told that Drew is a genius and an artist given free reign and it's simply not believable.

This is important because it leads to Drew's dramatic decision to take his own life which is the driving force for the rest of his sad journey. We must believe in Drew's desperation or he seems merely pathetic. Orlando Bloom does a fabulous job lifting the audience past logical inconsistencies enough that they don't sink the film but its close. If you don't like Bloom and aren't willing to believe his desperation and sadness you will be left out of “Elizabethtown.”

Then, as Drew is contemplating his rather fanciful suicide, he has rigged a carving knife up to an exercise machine that should be enough to stab him directly in the heart; he gets a call informing him that his father has died while visiting family in Elizabethtown. Drew has been drafted to fly to Elizabethtown to retrieve his father’s body and return it home. It’s on the flight that Drew meets Claire, a too helpful flight attendant, and “Elizabethtown” begins showing off its maddening and delightful taste in romance.

Onion A.V Club Head Writer Nathan Rabin coined the phrase Manic Pixie Dream Girl based on a viewing of Kirsten Dunst in “Elizabethtown.” The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is defined as 'that bubbly, shallow cinematic figure that exists in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.' It's a cynical and cutting description of “Elizabethtown's” Claire and one that I have been unable to escape since I read it.

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl has haunted my every viewing of “Elizabethtown” and it's a struggle to put aside Mr. Rabin's dismissive caricature and see Ms. Dunst's performance. Indeed, as written by the sensitive Mr. Crowe, Claire is as much a device as she is a character. So why does she ring so deeply in my soul?

I long for a Claire of my own to rescue me from despair and help me recognize what is good within me while offering judgment free love and fantasy sex following a perfect unintended seduction through mutual sadness and lonely longing. Claire is a little too perfect but is not perfect the fantasy of fantasists? What man did not at one time long for his very own Claire? 

There are problems with this fantasy however and they provide another of the shockingly lazy inconsistencies that plague “Elizabethtown.” In a scene early in Claire and Drew's relationship Claire describes the two of them as 'the substitute people.' They are stand ins in at the moment for the people they each really want. It's Claire's way of keeping distance from Drew, assuming that he is still hooked on his recent ex, Ellen (Jessica Biel). 

She's hedging her bets with him; inventing her own boyfriend as a way of letting Drew off the hook should he carry on with his pining for Ellen. It's a wonderful scene that shows Claire is not the fearless creature who flirted so openly with Drew on his flight to Kentucky and talked so openly with him in their wonderful all night phone call. It's very early in their relationship and Claire needs to be a little weary considering how fast things are moving between them. 

However, later in the film Claire throws the 'substitute people' comment back at Drew as if they were his words and not hers. The logical inconsistency undercuts the drama and impact of what is a very dynamic and dramatic scene. We are also supposed to believe in this scene that Drew, even after so clearly having fallen for Claire, still wants to kill himself. The scene calls for a withering comment from Claire that sets the stage for their reconciliation. Instead, the scene ends on a pair of confusing points.

Unlike any other Cameron Crowe film, “Elizabethtown” calls for desperate leaps in logic and suspensions of disbelief. So why do I still love it? “Elizabethtown” is a shaggy dog of a romance filled with whimsy and life and set to a phenomenal soundtrack. Despite its inconsistencies there are moments of such tenderness, romance and heart that I cannot help but love it.

Many critics have hammered “Elizabethtown” and many cite a scene where Susan Sarandon as Drew's mom performs a stand up comedy routine and a tap dance at her late husband's memorial as the films dramatic nadir. I completely disagree. Sarandon's unguarded emotion in this scene and Cameron Crowe's perfect imagery, shooting Sarandon from behind as she dances capturing her silhouette in a in a spotlight, is utterly gorgeous and the shots of Bloom and Judy Greer as his sister laughing and holding back tears evoke deep sympathy and smiles. 

This scene is wonderful for it's capricious spirit and the memorial scene as a whole is wildly capricious, ending as it does with Drew's cousin's band playing Free Bird as a giant paper Mache bird catches fire and sprinklers flood the hotel ballroom set. Sure, it's indulgent but it's also purely Cameron Crowe and as the “Elizabethtown” love theme score comes in underneath the chaos it's hard not to get caught up. 

That scene is followed up by a darkly comic burial scene that leads to “Elizabethtown's” final flight of odd fancy. Claire has requested that Drew take a road trip home as he takes his father's ashes back to Oregon. She has made him a map of famous tourist traps and places of musical legend and set the whole thing to 42 hours worth of classic songs. When she found the time to make this 'very unique map' is anyone's guess. 

Most odd is why? Why would Drew go to the hotel where Martin Luther King was killed? Why would Drew visit the Survivor Tree in Oklahoma City? What do these tragic places have to do with his journey? These scenes stretch credulity especially as we arrive at the half way point of Drew's journey where Claire is waiting for him. In a fit of ridiculous whimsy that relies on specious timing and luck, Claire sets up Drew to meet her at the Second Largest Farmer's Market in the World. Keep in mind, if Drew had deviated from her map in any way she would have been left there all day waiting. If one thing goes wrong with her goofy plan once he gets there, it involves an odd little scavenger hunt, they may never find each other. 

Crowe's indulgence in this ludicrous ending is overwhelming and yet I find myself excited as Drew searches for Claire's wacky red hat. I cannot help getting caught up because I do so love these characters. Orlando Bloom has never been this winning and Dunst is cuter than ever. I want these two characters together and that proves just how effective Elizabethtown is. Even with its massive flaws these characters and their romance are irresistible.

I love “Elizabethtown.” I still wrestle with its inconsistencies and failures of logic but the characters and soundtrack resonate deeply within to the point that I watch the film compulsively. I have seen the film almost 10 times in the five years since its release and I will watch it again. It’s partly because of my personal connection which remains as strong as ever, going on four years now, but also because Cameron Crowe has a remarkable way with soulful, human stories and tender romance.

Oh, and that ungodly brilliant soundtrack.

Movie Review Martian Child

Martian Child (2007) 

Directed by Menno Meyjes 

Written by Seth E. Bass, Jonathan Tolins

Starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Joan Cusack, Sophie Okenedo, Oliver Platt, Bobby Coleman 

Release Date Novemer 2nd, 2007

Published November 1st, 2007 

I will never understand why Hollywood film studios spend millions to make a movie and then abandon it. Take, for instance, the new dramatic comedy Martian Child starring John Cusack. The film was completed in 2005. It sat on the shelf for two years before trailers for the film began appearing in early 2007. It was supposed to come out back in the spring, then the summer, then in the fall, and now as we tilt toward winter the film is dropped into theaters with little fanfare.

Despite a popular star and a good marketing hook, Martian Child is not unlike its poor misguided protagonist, a child who believes he's from mars. Abandoned, dropped into the world, forgotten.

How sad.

David Gordon (John Cusack) was picked on a lot as a kid. It was traumatic but it fueled his imagination and it led him to become a successful science fiction writer. His past and his vocation are the main reasons why his friend Sophie (Sophie Okenedo), a social worker, thinks he would be the perfect guardian for Dennis (Bobby Coleman).

Dennis is a strange little boy who believes he is from mars. He is afraid of the sun and so he spends hours in a box. He doesn't believe in earth's gravitational pull so he wears a weight belt wherever he goes. David is terrified at first, and not just because Dennis thinks he's a Martian, but eventually he agrees to adopt Dennis and an unusual family is born.

You don't need a map to see where this plot is leading. Each character, especially the supporting characters, are obvious signposts that guide the plot to the next obvious moment. You know when you meet Richard Schiff's officious social worker that he will be something of a villain who may try to separate the new family.

When you meet Harlee, the sister of David's late wife, you know that Amanda Peet would not have been cast in this role if she weren't going to play an important role in the plot, likely as David's love interest. The only supporting character with some breathing room is Joan Cusack as David's sister. Never portrayed as a villain in the film, Joan gets both voice of reason and comic relief moments. This allows her to riff a little and the interaction between Joan and his real life older sister is one of the minor joys of this predictable little movie.

As predictable and stunningly simplistic as Martian Child is it is also good natured and well intentioned. John Cusack brings his trademark likability to the role of David Gordon and you believe every moment of his interaction with this strange boy. Yes, he does pour on the schmaltz a few times but there is just enough classic Cusack disaffection and self deprecation to offset some of the sap.

Unfortunately, director Menno Meyjes knows no other way to direct this material than by the book. If you've ever read the critical work of the great Roger Ebert you are aware of the hack movie concept of the false crisis/false dawn, real crisis/real dawn. It's the hackiest of plot contraptions and it plays to clockwork efficiency in Martian Child. Even the novice filmgoer can mark the moment when the false crisis and real crisis begin and end and easily predict how they will resolve.

Martian Child is not a horrible film. Any movie with John Cusack will struggle to be truly awful. It is far from being a good movie however. It just sort of exists as a forgettable throwaway movie that will pass from theaters and the memories of the few who see it without leaving much of an impression. I still don't understand why New Line Cinema treated this film so poorly though. It's not a good movie but it's not Kickin' It Old Skool either.

Movie Review Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

The Sisterhood od the Traveling Pants 2 (2008) 

Directed by Sanaa Hamri 

Written by Elizabeth Chander

Starring America Ferrara, Blake Lively, Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel 

Release Date August 6th, 2008 

Published August 5th, 2008 

Society dictates that a 32 year old man is not supposed to enjoy a movie called The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. And yet, there I was in 2005 watching four exceptional young actresses navigate the adolescent angst that only a teenage girl can truly understand and I was moved. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was sweet and funny with a great big heart and I loved that about it.

For all of its melodramatic faults, it was a film of great understanding and warmth. The sequel, unimaginatively titled Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, directed by Sanaa Hamri, is like the original filled with warmth, heart and humor and once again I was moved.

Picking up three years after where the original left off, the sisterhood is now split up at different colleges, in different cities. This hasn't stopped them from frequently returning home to visit and bond over the magic pair of jeans that fits all four of them and brings them good luck just when they need it. Leading the pants parade is Carmen (America Ferrara) who clings to the pants and the sisterhood as her chaotic family moves into a new home with her mom expecting a new baby with her new husband.

Pulling away ever so slightly from her sisters is Tibby (Amber Tamblyn). Off to New York for film school, Tibby is growing tired of the rituals of the pants, though has no less love for her sisters. Also adrift in her own angst is Bridget (Blake Lively) who passes on summer at home with her friends and single dad, for a trip to Turkey and an archaeological dig. There she meets a professor (Shohreh Aghdashloo) who reminds her of the mother she never had.

As for Lena, freshly returned from another trip to Greece, she has broken up with her long distance boyfriend Kostos (Michael Rady) and moved on to a fellow art student named Leo (Jesse Williams). Their meet cute provides Bledel with her funniest scenes. Of course if you think Kostos goes away quietly, clearly you haven't seen the trailer which shows all four girls in Greece.

Though divided, the sisterhood is strong and you are never under the impression that they will be apart for long. Director Sanaa Hamri, taking over for Ken Kwapis who directed the charming first film, does a tremendous job of balancing a number of new characters, like Tibby's boyfriend Brian played by Leonardo Nam, and still finds plenty of time to tell each girl's individual stories.

Sometimes it is the simplest pleasures that are the greatest of pleasures. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is very simple. This is formula melodrama at its most obvious yet entertaining and engaging. Sure, there is nothing here you haven't seen before but it's done better here, with more care and skill and with a great deal more heart than similar formula movies.

Arguably the most engaging and moving scenes involve Blake Lively the young star of the new TV hit Gossip Girl. Lively was less of a presence in the original where her character was defined by being whiny and sexually precocious. A few years on and Lively has flowered into a strong beautiful, talented young woman and the character of Bridget reflects that.

As the closed minded dismiss The Sisterhood of the Traveling pants 2, I appeal to you to see the movie for the scenes between Lively and the formidable Blythe Danner alone. These scenes are some of the most moving moments in any movie this year. I kid you not, the circumstances involved combined with the skills of these two wonderful actresses will move many audiences to unexpected degrees.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 will not be mistaken for great cinema but as fun, entertaining, even moving, melodrama it's pretty terrific. Four exceptional young actresses, the future of Hollywood, and a rising star director craft a movie that hits its marks perfectly and nails every formulaic scene necessary to propel the audience where it wants to go.

Nakedly manipulative? Maybe, but what modest melodrama isn't. If the manipulation is this pleasant and heart warming, who cares?