Movie Review: Edge of Madness

Edge of Madness (2002) 

Directed by Anne Wheeler

Written by Charles K. Pitts, Anne Wheeler

Starring Brendan Fehr, Caroline Dhavernas, Corey Sevier, Paul Johansson

Release Date January 1st, 2002 

Published May 27th, 2003

Have you ever seen a film that you would describe as remarkably average? It's an odd experience watching a movie that is so inoffensive yet so dull that you have literally no opinion of the film whatsoever. For someone like myself who writes about movies, it is a far stranger experience. How can I write about a movie that I have no opinion of? It's not a good movie but it's not a bad movie either. This is the quandary I find myself after viewing the mystery Edge Of Madness, a remarkably average thriller starring Brendan Fehr.

Set in 1850 in Manitoba Canada, Edge Of Madness is the story of a strange woman named Annie (French TV star Caroline Dhavernas) who arrives at county jail claiming that she has murdered her husband. The county constable, Henry Mullan (Paul Johannsen), is skeptical of her story, as she seems to have lost her mind. Nevertheless he takes her confession and places her in jail for the night. The next day when Annie becomes conscious and realizes where she is, the constable is surprised to hear her stick to her story about having bludgeoned her husband with a large rock.

In flashback, Annie explains how she met her husband, Simon Herron (Brendan Fehr) when he came to her orphanage and selected her to be his wife. Annie is excited to get out of the orphanage but she quickly realizes that her new husband is no savior. Rather, he is a brutal abusive man who doesn't want a wife but rather a sexual servant who can cook. On the bright side, Simon's brother George (Corey Sevier), a kind, sensitive soul befriends Annie and the attraction is so obvious that even dunderheaded Simon picks up on it. This causes Simon to fly into a jealous rage and abuse not only Annie but also his brother.

All of this leads up to Simon's death, and the film’s mystery surrounds who killed Simon. Annie or George? Did Annie claim she did it to protect George or was it as George claimed, an accident? To be honest, by the time the film began to unravel it's mystery I was already drifting off. It's not a bad movie but for short segments it grows a little dull. There were moments when I would look at the time, wonder what was on cable, and think of how much laundry I had to the next day. At one point I even took a short call on my cell and didn't bother to pause the movie. That may seem unprofessional but hey, if the film were more engaging I would have at least paused it.

Edge Of Madness is a well-made, well-acted period piece with interesting actors and interesting performances. Alas, it's easily forgettable at the same time. I admired the professional look of the film. It's well polished for a direct-to-video movie but the story simply isn't compelling enough to hold your interest. It makes for a good movie to fall asleep to because you can nap, wake up 20 minutes later and you haven't really missed anything. It's the absolute definition of an average film.

On a side note I must take issue with the film’s title, a cynical attempt by its marketers to fool people into thinking it's a horror film. On IMDB it's listed under the title A Wilderness Station, a title that makes more sense in the context of the film (Ed. Note - Wilderness Station was the Canadian title), but not nearly as cool sounding as Edge Of Madness, which sounds like the title to an Ozzy Osbourne album.

Movie Review Dressed to Kill

Dressed to Kill (1980) 

Directed by Brian De Palma 

Written by Brian De Palma 

Starring Michael Caine, Angie Dickinson, Nancy Allen, Dennis Farina

Release Date July 25th, 1980

Published August 14th, 2002 

There is something about a great twist ending that can make a seemingly average film great. Take the Sixth Sense, it's doubtful that film would exist without it's brilliant twist. Or Hitchcock's classic, Psycho, likely the greatest twist of all. Brian DePalma's Dressed To Kill isn't quite on par with Sixth Sense or Psycho, but it does have a fantastic twist ending that is frightening and a little campy but exciting. That is, if someone hasn't already ruined it for you.

In Dressed To Kill, Angie Dickinson is a bored housewife, sexually unsatisfied and desperate for a change. She has a husband she likes but doesn't love and a son (Keith Gordon from Back To School) who she worries is becoming a shut in. So she takes her problems to a well-respected psychiatrist, Dr. Robert Elliot (Michael Caine). He tries to help her but after she comes on to him, he ends the session, leaving her unsatisfied and still searching for adventure. This leads her to a museum and a chance encounter with a complete stranger.

From there the film takes a left turn into creepiness as Dickinson's housewife is murdered ala Janet Leigh in Psycho. A high-class hooker played by Nancy Allen witnesses the murder. Because Allen was the only witness, she is also the only suspect, according to Detective Marino (NYPD Blue's Dennis Franz). Now a target of the killer, Allen teams up with Gordon to find the killer before she finds them. Meanwhile Dr Elliot is getting strange phone calls from an ex-patient who is taking credit for the murder and threatening to kill again. In an odd choice, Elliot does not inform the police of the calls.

The whole film is an homage to Psycho, with the story, the plot devices and the camerawork. The killer is always shot in profile with quick cuts, she's there and gone very quickly giving the audience a glimpse of things unseen by the character. 

Dressed To Kill is a good movie, very weird though. The opening shower scene is something out of soft-core porn. Then there is the ten-minute museum sequence, which is done with no dialogue or score, just ambient noise and visuals and one amazing tracking shot that takes us on a tour of the entire museum.

Brian De Palma has often been criticized for his style over substance approach where his visual mastery overwhelms his story. Dressed To Kill is no exception. However, Dressed To Kill is a film where the visuals are far more important than the plot. They in fact ARE the plot. The ending hinges on two sensational visual sequences, one a dream and the other the shocking twist.

Sadly, someone ruined the ending for me so some of the shock was taken out of it. But De Palma's visuals more than make up for it. If you don't know how it ends then you will love it. If you already know the twist you will at least be dazzled by the visual flair.

Movie Review The Dreamers

The Dreamers (2004) 

Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci 

Written by Glibert Adair 

Starring Michael Pitt, Eva Green, Louis Garrel 

Release Date February 6th, 2004 

Published August 1st, 2004 

Bernardo Bertolucci is unquestionably a master behind the camera. He has a painter’s eye for spectacular visuals. Despite that the appeal of his provocative, sex soaked movies has escaped me. As lovely as Last Tango In Paris, and more specifically Maria Schneider were, I fell asleep during that film. There’s something about French politics (For the record I know Bertolucci is from Italy but he made his best known films in France), I find tremendously dull and their sullen attitude toward sex less than exciting.

For his latest film, Bertolucci adapts a novel by Gilbert Adair that takes place in a time and place that Bertolucci is quite familiar with. Paris, 1968. As cinema'de art and the cahiers du cinema were breaking ground, the French government sought to fight back against revolutionary filmmakers and what began as the simple closing of an influential theater turned into a political revolution.

Set against this real life background in The Dreamers is the story of three cinema-loving teenagers who are completely swept up in the art, politics and especially the sex all around them. Michael Pitt is Matthew, an American in Paris for a year of studying, or more often watching movies at the legendary cinematheque where Henry Langlois programmed any and every movie imaginable from Nicholas Ray (Rebel Without A Cause) to Jean Luc Godard (Breathless).

When the cinematheque is shut down and Langlois fired, Matthew meets a pair of fellow cinemaphiles and protestors, non-identical twin brother and sister Theo (Louis Garrel) and Isabelle (Eva Green). The sheer force of their attitudes draws Matthew to them. They share his passion and knowledge of film and they are drawn to his wide-eyed naivete. Before long, Matthew is completely away from his studies and living with his new friends.

While revolution rages outside, the kids, whose parents have taken leave for vacation, stay locked up in their apartment testing each other's limits in film knowledge, musical taste and sexuality. As Matthew quickly learns, the twins have a strange bond. They sleep in the same bed nude and when Theo loses a trivia challenge Isabelle has a punishment that would make even the most maladjusted dysfunctional think twice. It isn't just the twins testing their boundaries, when Matthew loses a trivia challenge Theo has him make love to Isabelle while he watches.

This I suppose is meant to be edgy but it's more uncomfortable than anything else. Michael Pitt is a terrific actor who has greatness in his future but there is an aimlessness to this role. Eva Green is a bold newcomer with a terrific presence but she is unable to sustain the sexual energy her character radiates in her first few scenes. Louis Garrel, who's father is a well known director in French cinema, has that spiky French attitude and his love of film is well conveyed. However, when it comes to politics, sexuality and otherwise, he seems nothing more than a petulant child. Maybe that was the intent.

That is the problem with The Dreamers, we aren't sure what Bertolucci's intent is with these characters. Are we to admire the adventurousness of their experimentation as his camera seems to or are we supposed to feel sorry for these children when they are exposed for the underdeveloped personalities they are? The problem with feeling for them is that there is little depth to their psychology beyond “I blame my parents” pop psychology. Mommy and Daddy are never home, no one loves me, wah wah wah.

I admire this film for its beauty. Bertolucci paints a spectacular canvas of visuals both outside and in the sprawling apartment which is filled to overflow with cinema history. I also admire the film’s love of cinema, a literal worship of filmed art that pours out of the screen, especially when Eva Green's Isabelle imitates her favorite films. Educated filmgoers will get a real thrill recognizing the many cinematic homages throughout the film.

It's just a shame that Bertolucci and writer Gilbert Adair did not put more thought into forming their characters into something more than petulant children, whining and screwing while history unfolds around them.

Movie Review: Dogville

Dogville (2004) 

Directed by Lars Von Trier

Written by Lars Von Trier

Starring Nicole Kidman, Stellan Skarsgard, Lauren Bacall, Paul Bettany, Chloe Sevigny, Patricia Clarkson

Release Date April 23rd, 2004

Published March 25th, 2004 

Director Lars Von Trier received a lot of positive notice for his film Dancer in the Dark, but what really stuck with him was the negative notice. Specifically, Von Trier bristled at criticism that he did not understand America well enough to set his film there. In response, Von Trier began work on what he calls his America trilogy. The first of the trilogy is called Dogville, which observes America's morals and values from a European perspective. A powerful, if not entirely accurate, indictment of American moral hypocrisy.

Nicole Kidman stars as Grace, a woman on the run from gangsters and the law who finds herself in the tiny hamlet of Dogville somewhere in the Rocky mountains. With the help of a local named Thomas Edison Jr. (Paul Bettany) Grace avoids the gangsters by hiding in a mine shaft. Tom diverts the gangsters but he has ulterior motives for helping this stranger.

Thomas is Dogville's self appointed philosopher and teacher. He holds monthly meetings at the town’s church where he pontificates to the town’s 15 residents on morals and ethics. When Grace arrives Tom sees an opportunity to put his teachings to the test and see if the townspeople live up to the ideals he has attempted to instill. Grace is unaware of Tom's motives and sees only his kindness; the two form an immediate bond. Despite his underlying intentions, Tom's feelings for Grace are real and for a time we think there could be a happy ending for the two.

Tom's plan for Grace and the town is for Grace to hide out under the town's protection. In exchange, Grace will work for each of the town’s residents one hour of each day. For Grace, it's a hideout. For Tom, it's a social experiment--a test of the town's kindness and caring. It begins as Tom would hope, with the town taking to Grace. (It helps that Grace is, in turn, a hard worker.) However, as Grace's predicament is slowly revealed the town slowly turns and Tom's experiment takes a sad and dangerous turn.

Oscar nominees Chloe Sevigny, Lauren Bacall and Patricia Clarkson head up the supporting cast with Philip Baker Hall and Jeremy Davies. The soul of the film however is the noble but badly damaged Chuck played by Stellan Skarsgard. Chuck stands in for all of America's failed dreams, stuck in a loveless marriage and a job that is more of an obligation Chuck takes his rage out on whoever is nearest to him. When that rage is turned on Grace it begins the films ugly turn. Skarsgard is invaluable; his pained expression conveys the broken back of the American working class of the depression era.

Von Trier's first of three American allegories is a searing look at the morals and values that this country was built upon, and the level of hypocritical betrayal of those values on the part of many Americans. It's a cynical point of view, but one that is shared by a number of Mr. Von Trier's European brethren. As a patriot and a partisan, I find some of what Von Trier has to say about American values a little unfair but take it with a grain of salt because, in Europe, Von Trier's views may not be a minority opinion.

Stylistically speaking, Dogville is an amazing break from conventional filmmaking; an experiment on par with Von Trier's invention of Dogme filmmaking back in 1995. The set standing in for the Rocky Mountain hamlet is merely a barren soundstage with chalk outlines where homes should be. The only sets are an elevated stage that serves as Grace's home, a small storefront window, and a bell tower that hangs from the ceiling.

Von Trier cribbed the visual style from the filmed plays he grew up watching in his native Denmark. Like a great stage play, the action is in the words. This is a terrific screenplay with powerful, intellectual ideas. Ideas about morality, values, religious hypocrisy, and old world justice. It's the best thing Von Trier has written since Breaking The Waves. At nearly three hours, the film clips by at a surprisingly strong pace. The script is so powerful that you barely notice the passage of time.

This a rare and unique film. A challenging look at how a foreigner has viewed our country's cultural history. A film that holds a funhouse mirror up to our past, our politics and our culture, it's not an entirely accurate or fair vision but is valid in its own way as an opposing view. If the two remaining films in Von Trier's America trilogy, Manderlay and Washington, are as powerful as Dogvilleis, then we are really in for something amazing.

Movie Review The Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat (2003) 

Directed by Bo Welch

Written by Alec Berg, David Mandel, Jeff Schaffer

Starring Mike Myers, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Dakota Fanning, Spencer Breslin

Release Date November 21st, 2003 

Published Published November 20th, 2003

Like any kid born after 1957, the books of Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, were an important part of my childhood. From Green Eggs and Ham to How The Grinch Stole Christmas to The Cat In The Hat, the Dr's rhyming wordplay and gloriously odd drawings are what helped form my imagination from the time I was able to read.

When The Grinch was turned into a blockbuster starring Jim Carrey, director Ron Howard was able to retain some of the magic of the book while still allowing Jim Carrey to do his thing. The Grinch wasn't a great adaptation but a skillfully crafted one. The same cannot be said of Bo Welch's adaptation of another Seuss classic, The Cat In The Hat which is neither great nor skillful. Rather it's a dreadful exercise in Hollywood blockbuster cynicism.

Mike Myers steps into the fur of the Cat in the Hat, the six foot feline who simply appears out of thin air to reek havoc and entertain a couple kids trapped at home in the rain. The kids in the film adaptation are Conrad (Spencer Breslin) and Sally (Dakota Fanning), brother and sister and different in every way imaginable. Conrad is destructive, messy and out of control. Sally is fastidious, organized and uptight. Their mother (Kelly Preston) works as a real estate agent and is having a party at their house tonight and the house must be perfect for her boss Mr. Humberfloob (Sean Hayes).

Mom has to work and must leave the kids with the narcoleptic Mrs. Kwan, a woman who could sleep through a train wreck in the living room. After a serious scolding from mom the kids agree to keep the house clean while mom works, but once she's gone the plan goes out the window with the sudden arrival of the Cat In the Hat. Thus begins an adventurous day of trying to keep the house from falling down around them and learning a lesson about how to have fun.

Mike Myers is almost indiscernible under piles of fur and rubber. His schtick however, is unmistakable as he bounds from character voice to character voice as if channeling Robin Williams at his manic worst. Myers plays the Cat as a combination of his Austin Powers persona and former flamboyant center square Charles Nelson Reilly. Myers never for a moment resembles the Cat you remember from the book, save of course for the signature red and white stovepipe hat. Aside from the hat however this Cat is a complete creation of Myers and makeup artist Mike Smithson. Much like the recent Austin Powers films, the performance is very hit and miss.

Director Bo Welch, helming his first feature, shows a terrific flair for set design which is not surprising because that is where he got his start. The Cat In The Hat has spectacular sets, production design, costumes, and makeup. If only the same attention had been paid to the script and especially the jokes. The script is credited to three former Seinfeld writers, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer. Odd choices to begin with but then the script received a number of uncredited rewrites by Myers who likely wasn't credited because his work was all improvisations on the set.

Being that The Cat In The Hat was not a long story to begin with, the writers had a lot of time to fill. The unfortunate choice to fill that space with fart jokes and other forms of low humor are a deathly decision that destroys any chance the film had to be entertaining. Modernizing the story, allowing Myers to riff on pop culture is fine. Those elements worked to a point with Jim Carrey in The Grinch, but Carrey was at least somewhat restrained by Ron Howard's skilled direction. Bo Welch seems completely at a loss to reign in his star and can think of nothing better than the dreadful grossout humor that would turn Theodore Geisel's stomach.

Adding to the pain is producer Brian Grazer and his Imagine Entertainment marketing staff who cram every frame with disgusting product placement. The producers have already put the Cat in every imaginable commercial from pop to pregnancy tests and the commercials don't stop even after the movie begins. Myers even does a riff reminiscent of his Wayne's World product placement bit. In Wayne's World it was a wonderfully knowing incisive joke. In The Cat In The Hat, it's overkill.

Watching this film’s producers prostitute this wonderful piece of literary history is almost as disheartening as it's disgusting and unnecessary bathroom humor and scatology. In fact, I'm not sure which is worse. Thankfully, there is the lovely young actress Dakota Fanning who gives another terrific performance in a film well beneath her talents. Dakota Fanning deserves a far better film and the book The Cat In the Hat doesn't deserve this treatment. 

Movie Review: Dodgeball A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball! A True Underdog Story 

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber

Written by Rawson Marshall Thurber

Starring Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Justin Long, Stephen Root, Jason Bateman

Release Date June 18th, 2004

Published June17th, 2004 

USA Today has dubbed them The Frat Pack. Actors Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Owen and Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell. Each has a tendency to appear in each other’s movies either as co-stars or in cameos. They tend to work with the same directors and writers. Most importantly they have teamed to make some of the funniest movies of the past few years. In Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, it's Vaughn and Stiller teaming up and once again the Frat Pack's brand of scatological insanity is in full effect for one very funny movie.

Vaughn stars as Peter La Fleuer, the slacker owner of a rundown little gym called Average Joe's. Peter takes a rather laid back approach to running the gym, patrons come and go as they please and pay for their memberships whenever they feel like it. It's no surprise that Peter's management now finds the gym in debt for about 50 grand in unpaid bills.

According to the bank's investigator, Kate (Christine Taylor), if Peter can't raise the cash in 30 days the gym will be sold to White Goodman (Stiller) the Napoleon-esque owner of Globo-Gym. White wants to flatten Average Joe's and turn it into a parking lot. He also wants Kate, who wants nothing to with him. despite her better judgment she is interested in Peter and his collection of wacky gym rats.

While Peter seems perfectly comfortable with closing the gym, his regulars including high school cheerleader Justin (Justin Long), obscure sports loving Gordon (Stephen Root) and Steve the Pirate (Allen Tudyk) who honestly believes he is a pirate, want to fight to save it. Their only hope is a 50,000-dollar grand prize dodgeball tournament in Las Vegas. Win the tournament and save the gym.

Of course Dodgeball is not about it's wacky tournament but the comic touches surrounding it and the hysterically over the top characters pulling it all off. First-time director Rawson Marshall Thurber is raw but knows a funny gag when sees one. The script is kind of a combination of Baseketball and a straight sports movie. Surprisingly though, there is little of the grossout humor expected of this kind of movie. Somehow the film earned a PG - 13 rating and you never would have noticed.

Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn work terrifically together with Vaughn's slacker charm balancing Stiller's manic schtick. Some have compared this Stiller dunderhead to his character in Zoolander, similar low-IQ narcissism. However when you look further back into Stiller's career to his villainous turn in the kids movie Heavyweights, you see he has played this role before. Of course the same could be said of Vaughn who perfected this likable frat boy routine in Old School.

Regardless of the character recycling Dodgeball stands on it's own as one of the funniest movies of 2004. Right up their with another Stiller -Vaughn teaming, Starsky and Hutch. As long as the movies continue to be this funny, they can recycle as much as they want.

Movie Review: Dirty Dancing Havana Nights

Dirty Dancing Havana Nights

Directed by Guy Ferland

Written by Boaz Yakin

Starring Diego Luna, Romola Garai, Sela Ward, John Slattery, Jonathan Jackson, Mika Boorem

Release Date February 27th, 2004

Published February 27th, 2004

The dirty little secret of dancing is that sometimes it's just sex with your clothes on. If you don't believe me, go to a club or see Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights where a trip to a Cuban dance club is like Plato's Retreat with a dress code. It's where sweaty over the clothes humping stands in for dancing. Don't get me wrong I like sweaty over the clothes humping, especially with the attractive group of people in this movie. But in a mainstream movie being marketed to puritanical Americans based on the love of a semi-chaste American fairy tale, don't you think it's a little out of place?

The original Dirty Dancing is a camp-tastic melange of teenage wish fulfillment and cheeseball acting and dialogue. It's star Patrick Swayze was both alluring to it's teenage fanbase (and their mothers) and anathema to anyone with a brain. Jennifer Grey on the other hand with her smart smile and that unusual nose was the perfect stand in for every average teenage girl in the audience who never believed they could be pretty and get the guy.

In this new version the Jennifer Grey role is filled by Romola Garai, a beautiful woman who could never be mistaken for the average American teenager. Her miscasting is not the film’s biggest problem but one of many. Garai is Katey, 18 years old and preparing for college in the fall. On her way to Class Valedictorian and the perfect wasp fantasy of Radcliffe college in the 1950's, she is suddenly whisked away to Cuba where her father (John Slattery) has taken a promotion from the Ford Motor Company. He will make more money but the family must move to Cuba and Katey must finish her senior year away from her friends.

It's not all bad though, Cuba is lovely and warm and Katey quickly attracts the attention of James (Jonathan Jackson), who happens to the son of her Dad's boss. She couldn't care less about him, Katey is interested in the handsome young Cuban waiter Javier (Diego Luna). After being left behind at school and forced to walk home in the dangerous streets of Cuba, Katey encounters Javier dancing to street musicians with his friends. He offers to walk her home and the two fall into puppy love.

You know what happens next, dance contest, lie to parents, secret dance lessons, yada yada yada, but before we get to that there is a scene of such relatable, casual cruelty from our lead actress that you momentarily think you won't forgive her. On a date with James she suckers him into taking her to a club where Javier is dancing with his friends. Once there she drops James to dance with Javier, well... not exactly not more like the over the clothes humping I mentioned before. All of this while nice guy James is being intimidated by a group of locals espousing Fidel Castro's revolutionary politics that include throwing the white people off the island.

(On a side note the film is set in 1958 pre-Castro Cuba and despite it's teen appeal romance genre does try to evoke it's time and setting. Castro, Communism and revolution have no place in this pop entertainment and it's embarrassing to watch the filmmakers try and shoehorn it in.)

That scene is followed by another mind-blowing scene in which the screenwriters try to throw our sympathies back to Katey by turning James into a lecherous jerk. Then the James character is all but kicked out of the movie except that the rest of the plot turns on a decision he makes not to expose Katey and Javier’s relationship, something that would stop the film in it's track. This is a decision the character makes offscreen! Without any real motivation other than the plot needs it.!

There are yet more problems for Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, not least of which is the nostalgic inclusion of Patrick Swayze in a cameo as a nameless dance instructor. The Swayze still has the bronzed look, a tad withered now but according to my sister, still handsome. He's also still ridiculous and cannot deliver a line of his dance guru dialogue with inducing derisive laughter. Any melodramatic momentum the film generates immediately dissipates at his appearance as the entire audience reels back to remember Johnny Castle.

Another problem is the film’s soundtrack a combination of classic Latin rhythms and modern Latin infused pop. There are moments when the film’s dancing threatens to entertain you but then the producers throw in some modern radio friendly pop tune and you are reminded that this is not a movie but a sales pitch for a soundtrack album.

As for the stars, Garai is sadly miscast. She is pleasant and has an awkward comedic charm but she's no Jennifer Grey. Diego Luna, best known for his work in the remarkable Y Tu Mama Tambien, does well to dull his acting senses to the mindless melodramatics of the plot. He clearly out classes the material in front of him but does what he can to make it palatable. And he can dance.

What a surprise that this 81 minute three act crowd-pleaser was written by the master of manipulative fluff Boaz Yakin whose Remember The Titans is the single wimpiest sports movie ever. How any director could make Denzel Washington so bland is beyond me. But after seeing Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and his last directorial effort, Uptown Girls, Yakin shows himself to be the master of bland.

Yakin did not direct Havana Nights, that thankless task went to Guy Ferland, a television veteran who knows how to send the audience home in less than sixty minutes. Here, extended beyond the confines of commercial breaks, he is at a loss to send anyone home happy. The films ending is one of the worst you will see this year, a sappy, sugary confection of forced goodwill that even a TV show would balk at.

What Havana Nights truly lacks is a good deal of camp. The original was not a good movie but it was absolutely howlingly funny in the kitsch sense. Honestly who can't say that famous Johnny Castle line "Nobody puts Baby in a corner" without at least a smile on your face. That is pure camp and it's what makes Dirty Dancing so memorable. It's why I bought the DVD. To sit around with friends on a Saturday night and go all Mystery Science Theater on Dirty Dancing is one of my all time favorite memories.

There will be no parties for Havana Nights, or really any memories for me at all of this movie beyond this review. And that is this film’s biggest failure.

Movie Review The Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Written by Jeffrey Nachmanoff, Roland Emmerich

Starring Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Sela Ward, Ian Holm, Emmy Rossum

Release Date May 28th, 2004

Published May 27th, 2004 

Being a liberal Democrat and environmentalist, I am supposed to be excited that a major summer blockbuster is taking up a cause I care about.

I’m not.

I am not at all excited that a topic as important as global warming is getting the Hollywood treatment, especially from the director who brought us Godzilla. The Day After Tomorrow plays at being important in its marketing campaign only to cover up its utter goofiness as a movie.

Dennis Quaid stars as Jack Hall, everyman Paleoclimatologist with a thing for the end of humanity because of global warming. So into saving future generations from what he believes is a coming ice age, he has lost contact with his wife (Sela Ward) and his son Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal).

Jack spends most of his time with his partners Frank (Jay O. Sanders) and Jason (Dash Mihok) traveling the polar ice caps. Their most recent excursion uncovered something dangerously unexpected that proves Jack’s theory about the ice age. Unfortunately, when Jack pitches his theory at a conference in New Delhi India, he is blown off by the Vice President of the United States (Kenneth Walsh). The VP is more concerned about American wallets than the survival of the human race.

Of course, Jack’s theory applies to an ice age in say 100 years from now, which may be why the VP is less than impressed. Nevertheless, something good comes out of it when Jack meets Dr. Terry Rapson who will play an important role when Jack’s theory comes true much sooner than he expected.

Jack’s theory is that melting polar ice caps will cause the jetstream to stop delivering warm air to much of the Northern Hemisphere, leaving it a frozen wasteland. We are tipped to some serious trouble when Japan is hit with bricks of hail, Los Angeles is devastated by multiple tornadoes and New York City turns into a swimming pool.

More bad news for Jack, his son Sam along with some schoolmates, Brian (Arjay Smith) and Laura (Emmy Rossum) are in New York and trapped by the rising waters in the top floor of the New York Public Library. Now Jack and his team must trek through the rapidly freezing countryside from Washington DC to New York to save his son. Meanwhile, his ex-wife must decide whether to stay with a dying child and wait for a rescue that might not come or join the hordes of Americans heading for the safety and warmth of Mexico.

The film has a solid three act structure, act one the storm, act two the survival and act three the rescue. Of course, director Roland Emmerich who also wrote the film’s script, can’t resist throwing in extraneous touches like a boneheaded sendup of the Bush administration that even the most ardent Bush haters will roll their eyes at. The dying child I mentioned before, exists only to give Sela Ward something to do and is resolved with little drama.

And then there are the wolves. Yes, for some reason wolves have escaped from the New York Zoo and attack our heroes at the most opportune time.

Now the thing that is garnering the most attention about this film is its tenuous grasp of global warming and environmental issues. To the film’s credit, there is no mention of saving the planet, Emmerich has at least grasped the idea that saving the environment is not about the planet, it’s about saving human beings. That said, his ridiculous ideas about global warming, polar ice caps and so-called SUPER storms are more fiction than science.

There may indeed be an ice age in the future but that is part of the cyclical nature of the planet. There has been an ice age before and there will be one again, whether we cause it or not. There is little evidence we could cause it and that is where the film’s specious logic goes beyond its dramatized idea of a six day ice age and into the dangerous situation of casting a negative light on real environmental issues.

The fact is that a summer blockbuster is no place for such big ideas. Summer blockbusters are to dazzle the eye with cheap thrills and loud noises, if they can also be entertaining on top of that, it’s truly an accomplishment. This portentous idea of a blockbuster with global concerns only serves to denigrate those concerns by dragging them down to the level of the big, dumb, loud blockbuster.

On top of all those problems is that the film is just dull as dirt. While some of the special effects are impressive, every bit of character including the usually reliable Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal are annoying, cloying caricatures of melodramatic TV drama characters. This is WB level drama, especially the group of misfits at the library.

The film is interminable halfway through, where the storm and the impressive effects are pretty well over. After that, the film’s atrocious dialogue must carry the day. At 2 hours plus, The Day After Tomorrow makes you wish it were really tomorrow and the movie was a distant memory.

Movie Review Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Hellboy 2 The Golden Army (2008) 

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro

Written by Guillermo Del Toro

Starring Ron Perlman, Jeffrey Tambor, Anna Walton, Doug Jones, Luke Goss

Release Date July 11th, 2008

Published July 10th, 2008

The most disappointing film of the summer, thus far, is Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. As a fan of the 2004 Hellboy movie from the exceptionally talented writer-director Guillermo Del Toro, I was stoked to see his follow up. Now, I wish he had just moved on to his next project, The Lord of the Rings prequel The Hobbit.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army returns Ron Perlman to the role of Hellboy, a red demon fighter for humanity. For the uninitiated, Hellboy was discovered by the Nazis but raised by an American scientist. Working for the Bureau of Paranormal Affairs, a secret arm of the government, Hellboy fights battles that no one is supposed to know about.

Four years since Hellboy lost his father, played by John Hurt, and won the heart of Liz (Selma Blair), Hellboy remains a cantankerous, rebellious soul who can't resist getting his picture in the paper, over the objections of his boss (Jeffrey Tambor) who's forced to come up with ever more elaborate spin to convince people Hellboy doesn't exist.

Keeping Hellboy under wraps however becomes far less important once a former member of the Elf royal family, Prince Nuada (Luke Goss), decides to end a centuries long truce with humanity. His goal? Destroy humanity and bring the creatures darkness into the light.

To do so Prince Nuada will call on the Golden Army, indestructible soldiers made of solid gold. Standing against him is his sister Princess Nuala (Anna Walton) who wants to keep the truce in place. She turns to Hellboy for protection and to Abe Sapien (Doug Jones) Hellboy's fishy best friend who falls head over gills in love with her.

Hellboy vs The Golden Army sounds like it should be a pretty awesome battle and as a special effect it's impressive

Unfortunately, it also will by the end be fought with little context and consequence to the story. Writer-director Guillermo Del Toro simply loses interest in the story and turns his attention to crafting creatures and giant special effects.

Some will find Del Toro's choice of visual splendor over storytelling to be dynamic and imaginative. For me however, I was quickly bored with the creatures and the giant effects and longed for the characters to deepen and the story to take on some meaning. I wanted the dueling love stories of Hellboy and Liz and Abe and the Princess to gain meaning.

And finally, I wanted the vibe of cool that Hellboy carried in the first film to return. In the first movie, Star Ron Perlman cultivated a Bogart-like air of detached cool mixed with vulnerability. In Hellboy 2 that vibe is replaced with a bizarre sense of humor that ranges from Men In Black lifts to references to Barry Manilow.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army has a number of unformed ideas that could have been more interesting. At one point in the movie Prince Nuada gets in his head about how humanity doesn't appreciate Hellboy, asking him why he still helps them. For a moment Hellboy is conflicted. The conflict lasts for about a minute and is then discarded. Worse yet, the same idea was played out with more depth and understanding in the X-Men movies. Essentially, the most interesting idea Hellboy 2 has has been done already and done far better.

With its bizarre sense of humor and focus on creature creation over story development, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army becomes an odd mélange of disappointments and undermined ideas. Yes, it's a good looking movie. But who cares.

Movie Review: Dahmer

Dahmer (2002) 

Directed by David Jacobson

Written by David Jacobson 

Starring Jeremy Renner, Bruce Davison

Release Date June 21st, 2002 

Published July 28th, 2002

The mind of the killer is one that has fascinated filmmakers for decades. The question of what drives someone to kill is very conducive to drama. It involves conflict, emotion, action and intellect. Films like Silence of The Lambs or Henry: Portrait Of a Serial Killer attempt to make sense of psychotic behavior. In the new to video, Dahmer, writer director David Jacobsen looks into the mind of real life serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, and like Silence and Henry it comes away without any real answers.

The story of Jeffrey Dahmer is well known; he was sentenced to 900+ years in jail for murdering and eating 19 men. What isn't well known is what drove Dahmer to be a killer. The film has two competing theories, first is his struggle with his homosexuality. Dahmer was openly gay but still ashamed of his sexuality.

The other theory involves the divorce of Dahmer's parents when he was 18. In flashbacks we meet Jeffrey's father well played by Bruce Davison as a cold but caring father completely at a loss when trying to understand his son’s odd moods.

In the present tense we meet one of Dahmer's victims, a 14-year old Asian boy who Dahmer offers to buy shoes for in exchange for letting him take his photograph back at his apartment. We see Dahmer's mind twisting and turning as he decides just what to do with his victim. We also meet the potential victim that would go on to be Dahmer's downfall, a young black hustler named Rodney (Artel Kayaru). Dahmer meets Rodney at a hunting shop where Dahmer purchases a hunting knife. They have an immediate attraction and are soon at Dahmer's apartment.

Jeremy Renner plays Dahmer and looks strikingly like the Dahmer I remember from TV. That greasy haired creepiness. Renner is very good at playing Dahmer's strange insecurity. It's one of the most unusual parts of Dahmer's story that many of his gay victims would have come to him willingly, but Dahmer still choose to drug them before having his way with them. Renner and Artel Kayaru as his last victim have a fantastic series of scenes where they challenge each other with intelligent dialogue and each scene has an undercurrent of twisted humor as Rodney trades irony-laced dialogue with Dahmer while not knowing how ironic it is.

Renner and writer director avid Jacobsen succeed in humanizing Dahmer, not so much that you identify with him, but enough that you understand why his neighbors were so shocked by his crimes. Dahmer was a quiet gay, a chocolate factory employee who kept to himself and never bothered anybody. Isn't that what they all say after they find out their neighbor was a serial killer? The film Dahmer gives you a sense of why they say that.

While the film isn't entertaining, it works on an intellectual level as a psychological profile of Jeffrey Dahmer. And while we will never really know what drove Dahmer to such sickness, we can at least learn a lesson from this film in perhaps how to spot the next Dahmer.

Movie Review Rendition

Rendition (2007)

Directed by Gavin Hood

Written by Kelly Sane 

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Meryl Streep, Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgard, Alan Arkin

Release Date October 19th, 2007

Published October 18th, 2007 

Those who advocate intelligence gathering techniques that extend beyond our constitution have a compelling argument. They cite intelligence gathered by extraordinary measures that have saved lives and how men who are truly bad guys have received the treatment they deserve for the things they did. This argument holds sway until you hear from Arizona Senator John McCain, a real life torture victim.

Senator McCain, a right wing, pro-war hawk opposes any action that associates America and torture. McCain's point is that torture simply doesn't work. That a tortured man will tell you anything you want to hear. The movie Rendition makes McCain's point in dramatic fashion as it tells the interlocking story of how torture effects the lives of so many different people in so many different ways.

Jake Gyllenhaal stars in Rendition as Douglas Freeman a CIA pencil pusher who finds himself thrust into the job of case worker in northern Africa following a terrorist attack. His new job will be to observe the tactics of a man named Abasi Fawal (Yigal Naor), tactics that are considered torture under American law. It will be Abasi who will attempt to glean information from the latest subject of what American law refers to as Extraordinary Rendition.

On his way home from a business trip in South Africa, Anwar Al Ibrahimi (Omar Metwally) is detained by police and then the CIA. It seems that he has received calls on numerous occasions from a terrorist named Rashid, calls he claims to be unaware of. Al Ibrahimi was returning home to Chicago where his very pregnant wife Isabella (Reese Witherspoon) and his six year old, American born son are waiting for him.

When he doesn't return and somehow disappears from the flight log, Isabella travels to Washington where an ex-boyfriend, Alan (Peter Sarsgard) works for a Senator (Alan Arkin). Using his connections, Alan finds out as much as he can about Anwar's disappearance. The trail leads all the way to the head of the CI, Corinne Whitman (Meryl Streep).

Those are the main players in Rendition and their relative positions. Where director Gavin Hood moves them from there is quite compelling and heart rending. Running parallel to this main story is the modest love story of Khalid (Moa Khouas) and Fatima (Zineb Oukach), the daughter of Abasi Fawal, the lead torture expert.

The melding of these two stories is where Rendition struggles and becomes sluggish and where director Gavin Hood employs a narrative trick that will irritate many in the audience as much as it did me. There is a moment, and I won't go into detail, late in the film where the timeline shifts and what we get is a scene that lets the air out of what was an electrically charged and tense series of scenes.

From this point on the films dueling stories become fractured and I was left struggling to connect these stories at all beyond the most tenuous of bonds.

A man, if tortured long enough, will tell you anything you want to hear. Whether what he says is true or not, doesn't matter to the torturers whose reward is for information. The truth is someone else's business. Rendition is extraordinarily powerful in bringing home the same message that Senator John McCain has always talked of, how torture simply doesn't work. Indeed, as the film states plainly, if you torture one man you create ten more who will rise up to fight back to protect them, or rescue them.

According to the Bush administration, Americans don't torture. No, we don't. By laws installed during the Clinton Administration, we hire less reputable countries to torture on our behalf. Ah, but Rendition doesn't let us off so easily that a liberal like myself can be satisfied with the answer that our policy of rendition is simply wrong. The lead torture expert in the film is portrayed as a good man who loves his family and believes he is doing the right thing.

Meryl Streep's CIA agent may be cold hearted and portrayed as something of a monster but her point about the lives she believes have been saved by information gathered through extraordinary rendition is powerful and logical. With the blinding certainty of a zealot, not unlike a certain President of the United States, she sees only the possibilities of this practice, not the collateral damage to our national conscience.

The love story between Khalid and Fatima is used to illustrate what some experts would call blowback. Militarized by the torture death of his brother, Khalid is enticed to become a suicide bomber. Fatima becomes his reason to live and there is a good deal of emotion invested in this subplot. It might have been more powerful without director Gavin Hood's narrative cheat late in the film that sucks all of the suspense out of the movie.

Yet another film in this early Oscar season, like The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford, like Michael Clayton, Across The Universe or Elizabeth: The Golden Age, Rendition is a film with Oscar pretensions that falls just short of expectations. A grand cast of Oscar nominees and winners, compel us from beginning to end but narrative trickery and a strung together plot; let the air out of what should have been a potboiler of real emotion and suspense.

Movie Review The Chronicles of Riddick

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004) 

Directed by David Twohey

Written by David Twohey

Starring Vin Diesel, Karl Urban, Dame Judi Dench, Keith David, Thandie Newton, Colm Feore 

Release Date June 11th, 2004 

Published June 16th, 2004 

2000's Pitch Black was a surprise hit thanks to the combination of hardcore sci-fi fans and a low budget. The biggest thing to come from Pitch Black was not its grosses but it's star, the bald-headed muscleman Vin Diesel. Four years later, up the budget and the star power and the sequel The Chronicles Of Riddick has the look and feel of a blockbuster. In other words, the antithesis of it's origins. More proof that a bigger budget doesn't make a better movie.

Vin Diesel returns as the anti-hero Riddick. With his glowing eyes and muscled physique, Riddick is supposedly the most dangerous man in the universe. Since escaping from the last uninhabitable planet, Riddick has been leaping from one planet to the next, narrowly avoiding the Mercs, a group whose gig is like bounty hunters but with a different title.

A group of bounty hunters, err Mercs, led by Toombs (Nick Chinlund) have been hard on Riddick's trail for a while but with little success. After finally getting their hands on him, Riddick finds a way to escape and take over their ship. Crash landing on another planet, Riddick comes face to face with a rare man from his past who doesn't want to kill or capture him, Imam (Keith David). He’s a man whom Riddick saved four years ago, one of three holdovers from Pitch Black.

As luck would have it, Riddick has crashed right in the middle of an invasion by a “convert or die” warlord clan called Necromongers, led by a man called Lord Marshall (Colm Feore). Imam asks Riddick if he will help fight the Necromongers, who kill anyone who refuse to join them. Riddick isn't interested in fighting for a cause other than himself. It's only when the Necromongers threaten him that he fights back.

Honestly, most of the plot is rather lost on me. Somehow, Riddick is the only man who can fight the Necromongers, something about his nearly destroyed race called the Furions. Anyway before Riddick can get down to pounding Necromongers he is recaptured by the Mercs and taken to yet another ridiculously, uninhabitable planet. It's a prison camp where he finds Kyra, or Jack or both. She was Jack in Pitch Black but played by a younger actress, now she's Kyra and played by Alexa Davalos. (See the original to make more sense of that)

Where to begin with this film’s problems? How about Dame Judi Dench who while radiant and always credible as an actress, can't make the film’s idiotic, nonsensical dialogue sound plausible. Poor Thandie Newton has an even harder time with her sub-Lady Macbeth role as Lady Vaako, the wife of the Necromongers’ second in command Lord Vaako played far more credibly by Karl Urban.

Worst of all though is Colm Feore who is so badly miscast. Colm Feore is a believable actor playing a conniving lawyer or maybe an Enron executive but as a bad guy tough enough to beat up Vin Diesel, I wasn't buying it. If this guy could take Riddick then why are we watching this movie? Give me an actor of some bulk or at least a Rutger Hauer type who could bellow Riddick to death. That I could believe.

Look, Riddick is entirely, stupidly contrived sci-fi, low on the sci, high on the fi. This is a big dumb loud action movie that claims the title sci-fi only for its space setting. Regardless of that, the big dumb loud action is well staged, well shot and a whole heck of a lot of fun.

Vin Diesel does what Vin Diesel does, kicks ass with an occasional bit of dark humor. The fight scenes are badass and the effects are pretty good, especially the burning hot sun on the prison planet that melts people, very cool gory effect.

Did I like Chronicles Of Riddick? Kind of. Take it for what is and don't expect much else and you can be viscerally entertained. I prefer my sci-fi with a little more intellect but occasionally a big dumb loud action adventure, if it's technically proficient, can work on me. Some of Chronicles of Riddick work. What doesn't, really doesn't.

Movie Review: Crazy as Hell

Crazy as Hell (2002) 

Directed by Eriq LaSalle

Written by Jeremy Leven

Starring Michael Beach, Eriq LaSalle, Ronny Cox 

Release Date September 27th, 2002 

Published November 4th, 2002 

For eight years, Eriq LaSalle was best known for his sullen brooding performance as Dr. Peter Benton on NBC's ER. His rare big screen appearances are highlighted by a fascinating turn in the race drama The Drop Squad. In his directorial debut in Crazy As Hell LaSalle let's his hair down and delivers an over-the-top take on religion and race in a mental hospital.

Crazy As Hell tells the story of controversial psychiatrist Dr. Ty Adams (Another former ER actor, Michael Beach,). His non-medical approach to therapy has lead to the death of two patients but has seemingly helped more than it has hurt. Dr. Adams arrives at Sedah Psychiatric Hospital to an unwelcome glare from the facilities boss Dr. Delazo (Ronny Cox). Not only does Dr. Delazo disagree with Dr. Adams's form of therapy he is also unhappy about a documentary crew that has been installed in the hospital for thirty days to document Dr. Adams's unusual treatment. The documentary crew is headed up by the very engaging John C. McGinley.

A short time after Dr. Adams arrival, a new patient arrives. The patient is a large intimidating man who claims to be Satan himself (LaSalle). Having checked himself into the hospital voluntarily, Satan is not initially one of the doctor's patients.

Dr. Adams meanwhile is haunted by his past in which his wife and child were murdered and he believes it was his fault. Adams is plagued by visions of his late wife and has animated conversations with her that is picked up by the documentary cameras.

Dr. Adams's treatments from the start are aimed at one patient named Cheryl (Tracy Petit). Cheryl is a paranoid schizophrenic who doesn't speak to anyone. While on medication she is sedate and quiet. However under Dr. Adams's treatments, Cheryl is a screaming crying mess that refuses to leave her room. Despite Delazo's worries, she does begin to show some slow improvement. However, the little improvement that Dr. Adams makes with Cheryl is limited by the outbursts of Satan, who refuses to be ignored. He delights in interfering with Dr. Adams and teasing him with hints as to whether or not he really is who he says he is.

As a first time director, Eriq LaSalle shows a talent for atmospherics. His pacing could use some work as the film drags a little in the middle but the teasing aspects of the dialogue and performances are compelling enough to hold your interest.

One thing that LaSalle would benefit from is better casting. Michael Beach is a wooden performer of little charisma. He sells the dramatic aspects of the film as his character reveals a mental illness of his own induced by his wife's death. However, the interaction between Beach and LaSalle and Beach and Ronny Cox is stilted and unbelievable as they act circles around Beach. Beach's poor interaction with LaSalle and Cox seem like they are chewing scenery but in reality they are simply eating a scene around Beach because somebody had to make the scenes interesting.

If anything, Crazy As Hell shows the potential of a great filmmaker in Eriq LaSalle and I look forward to his next turn behind the camera.

Movie Review: The Boys from Brazil

The Boys from Brazil (1978) 

Directed by Franklin J. Schaffner

Written by Heywood Gould

Starring Gregory Peck, Sir Laurence Olivier, Steve Guttenberg

Release Date October 4th, 1978 

Published December 2nd, 2002 

Recently I discovered my new favorite cable channel is The History Channel. For some reason I find myself fascinated by bible history, mysteries of the unknown and the History channels specialty; World War 2. There doesn't seem to be any angle of WW2 that the History Channel hasn't covered, even movies about World War 2. A recent special detailed the numerous films with links to WW2 and one caught my eye, a strange 1978 teaming of acting legends Gregory Peck and Laurence Olivier called The Boys From Brazil.

Mixing a strange bit of actual history with the limitless potential of genetic science and a whole lot of lame melodrama and you have one odd, unbelievable film.

It is an actual historic fact that the legendary monster Dr. Joseph Mengele, one of the authors of Hitler’s Final Solution, escaped Germany some time before the end of the war. Mengele was captured in South America years later by a pair Nazi hunters. The Boys From Brazil imagines Mengele (Gregory Peck) living well in South America and teaming with a small group of Nazi officers who, like Mengele, escaped Germany before the end of the war. For this group of Nazis the war is not over and Mengele has a rather far out plan that needs to be put into place immediately in order to work. The plan is an elaborate experiment that began before Hitler's death and continued with Mengele while living in exile in Paraguay. The details of the plan are uncovered by an eager young Jewish “Nazi hunter” played by Steve Guttenberg. 

Yes, THAT Steve Guttenberg.

The young Nazi hunter is murdered for spying on this historic meeting but not before he relays a good portion of the plan to the world’s leading Nazi hunter, Ezra Lieberman (Laurence Olivier). The plan calls for the assassinations of 94 seemingly random men all age 65 and all civil servants. Lieberman is at first highly skeptical of the story but after learning of some unusual deaths of men across the world fitting similar circumstances, Lieberman begins looking for a pattern and finds it in the men's children.

History tells us that Hitler wasn't just psychotic, he was nuts too. He and Mengele conducted horrible experiments on both Jews and non-Jews, including genetic testing and attempts at cloning. There is documented proof that Hitler looked into the potential of cloning himself and that he had Mengele take samples of his DNA for such purposes. The Boys From Brazil imagines that these experiments were successful. All of which leads to a dramatic confrontation between the evil doctor and the Nazi hunter in a farmhouse in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. 

No I'm not kidding!

The film is brazen in its ridiculous premise and awful scripting. One could even say that any dramatizing of Mengele especially one so broad and weird as this portrayal is highly offensive and tarnishes the memory of the people Mengele tortured. The film is so poorly staged and it's shocking revelations so stupid your left wondering how a film like this could ever get made.

Even more puzzling is how two amazing actors like Peck and Sir Laurence Olivier could look at a script so ridiculous and actually see something worth filming. Olivier actually does a scene opposite Steve Guttenberg, the man who made Lawrence of Arabia playing opposite the guy from Police Academy!

Maybe Peck and Olivier thought they were making a comedy. That might explain there loud over-the-top performances that were so hammy they would make Jeremy Irons blush. The Boys From Brazil is a movie only Mystery Science Theater could appreciate. It’s laughably over the top, poorly staged and ridiculously scripted. And to think, I could have been watching The History Channel. 

Movie Review The Alamo

The Alamo (2004) 

Directed by John Lee Hancock

Written by John Lee Hancock, Stephen Gaghan, Leslie Bohem

Starring Patrick Wilson, Billy Bob Thornton, Dennis Quaid, Jason Patric 

Release Date April 9th, 2004 

Published April 8th, 2004 

With the patriotic fervor of the war in Iraq having died down, the time for a rousing patriotic war film may have passed. Indeed the producers of The Alamo had to be considering that fervor when they went into production in early 2003. Unfortunately, they lost the opportunity to capitalize on it when the film was deemed not ready for its original December release. Now dumped with little fanfare into the month of April, The Alamo arrives as a professionally made but unmemorable history lesson.

Directed by John Lee Hancock (The Rookie), The Alamo tells the story of how legendary figures Jim Bowie (Jason Patric), William Travis (Patrick Wilson) and Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) came to a tiny church in San Antonio to fight for the idea that would become the state of Texas.

For Bowie, San Antonio was the home of his late wife where he had spent many happy nights. His return to San Antonio and to the Alamo was a favor to his friend General Sam Houston (Dennis Quaid). Houston was to retrieve the Texas army's largest canon and return it to Gonzales, Texas where the leaders are debating their future. By taking the canon, they are essentially ceding San Antonio to the Mexicans.

William Travis on the other hand, has been charged with holding the Alamo until a decision can be made as to how Texas will declare and defend itself from Mexico's dictator Santa Ana. Will the Texans declare their independence or negotiate a settlement with Santa Anna to hold onto their land under Mexican rule? Under the assumption that Santa Anna will not attack in the winter, the Alamo is thought to be fairly secure, allowing time for the leaders to debate their options.

For David Crockett, as he prefers to be called, Texas is a place to reclaim his legend after losing his congressional seat in Tennessee. Crockett has spoken to Sam Houston and been assured a good deal of land and power if Texas is declared independent. Crockett arrives at the Alamo unaware that the fighting has not stopped, only slowed due to the weather and the Texans' indecision over how to declare independence.

The setup for the climactic battle is slow and drawn out, probably because the actual battle of the Alamo didn't last long. Once Santa Anna decided on a full frontal attack with thousands of Mexican soldiers, there was little that the three hundred or so Texans could do to stop them. The setup for the battle has its moments, such as when Davy Crockett grabs his fiddle and plays along with Santa Anna's army marching band. Still, for the most part it's all rather dull.

We learn little about the historical figures of Bowie, Travis or Crockett other than both Bowie and Travis were slave owners and that Crockett never actually jumped a raging river or took on 20 men at once. Credit Billy Bob Thornton with the film’s best performance. Davy Crockett is a poetic pragmatist who struggles with his legendary status that was assured well before he became a martyr for Texas independence at the Alamo.

The film’s best moments are the battle scenes, the siege at the Alamo, which is quick and brutal, and the battle of Houston where Sam Houston avenged the Alamo by routing Santa Anna's army in 18 minutes. Director John Lee Hancock manages one great moment of emotion with Houston's "Remember The Alamo" rallying cry but other than that the film is rather staid and emotionless. Well made, but soulless.

The film is very professionally crafted with solid acting and a well remembered story. However, it plays like a history lesson from a very dull high school class. None of the characters, aside from Davy Crockett, have much of a personality and none of the supporting performances makes any impression whatsoever.

There was a controversial rumor about Davy Crockett's death but it's only a misunderstanding. The Crockett legend is very much intact at the end of the film. Without the controversy there is very little that is memorable about this Alamo.

Movie Review After April

After April (2001) 

Directed by Brian Evans 

Written by Ryan Farley 

Starring Michael McKiddy, Angela Duffy 

Release Date December 2nd, 2002 

Published December 2nd, 2002 

AIDS is an issue that has disappeared from mainstream consciousness. That doesn't mean that it isn't still killing people and destroying lives because it certainly is, especially in urban communities. What that means is that AIDS is no longer the cause celebre it once was. Hollywood stars still wear their fashionable AIDS ribbons and show up for the occasional benefit. Still, AIDS statistics that were once front page news are now buried in the back and research into a cure for AIDS languishes even as great strides continue to be made.

In the movie universe you would think AIDS has been cured, because few of us can recall the last time we saw a movie with an AIDS afflicted character. The film After April does not come out with an agenda aimed at bringing AIDS to the forefront once again. Moreover it deals with the disease in an intelligent and emotional way one hopes will make people remember this most horrible of killers and the lives it destroys.

After April is the brainchild of director Brian Evans and writer Ryan Farley. The film stars Michael McKiddy as Patrick, an inner city white kid whose parents are non existent and whose drug habit was an all consuming problem until he met Eve, played by Angela Duffy. While Eve is also a junkie they both would like to get clean and leave their inner city home. Just one week from starting a new life with the help of Eve's Aunt, Patrick gets some very bad news. 

A letter informs Patrick that the local blood bank could not use his blood for unspecified reasons. Determined to know why his blood was rejected Patrick and Eve go to the blood bank and Patrick intimidates a bureaucratic nurse into telling him what happened,. Patrick's blood was rejected because he has HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

Angry and depressed Patrick begins to search for the girl he is certain infected him, April, played by Stephanie Slongo. A fellow junkie, April has become a prostitute since she met Patrick. In flashback, we see Patrick meet April in a bar where she entices him into an alley where they have unprotected sex.

Knowing that Patrick brought this onto himself makes him difficult to sympathize with but McKiddy's sad desperate performance makes Patrick a frighteningly real character. McKiddy's Patrick is like someone we know, anyone who sees this film will see traits that they recognize in people who are close to them. Much like Brad Renfro's performance in Bully, McKiddy's raw realism gives After April more affect than you’re expecting.

Angela Duffy as Eve is far more than your average movie girlfriend. Not merely a plot device Eve is a fully fleshed out character who allows the audience to care about Patrick because she cares about him. Even in Patrick's most extreme moments Eve stays with him not because she is weak or needy but because she truly cares about him.

The cast is rounded out by Ethan Jordan as Carney, Patrick and Eve's dealer until they decided to clean up. Carney is also April's dealer so when Patrick goes looking for her Carney is the first person he goes to. Surprisingly philosophical for a dope dealer, Carney combines an unusual social conscience with his antisocial dealings. Carney doesn't like what has happened to his neighborhood, but openly admits that he is part of the problem. He honestly respects Patrick's attempt to clean up and when he sees Patrick slipping as he searches for April, Carney offers wise council. Though his rap about how having inner city kids killing each other is what the government wants makes the character look ridiculous, Jordan's honest well delivered performance keeps the character grounded and real.

The unique combination of revenge thriller and an issue as serious as HIV makes After April one of the most fascinating films I've seen in a long time. The film’s direction and production values could stand for improvement but as it is, After April is a raw and thought-provoking film. A film with more than just an idea, more than just a gimmick, April brings the tragedy of AIDS to the streets in a way that is shocking and attention grabbing without being sensationalistic or preachy. This is a very good movie.

Movie Review 13 Going on 30

13 Going on 30 (2004) 

Directed by Gary Winick 

Written by Josh Goldsmith, Cathy Yuspa 

Starring Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo, Judy Greer, Andy Serkis

Release Date April 23rd, 2004

Published April 19th, 2004

Being a fan of TV's “Alias,” I am well aware of the tremendous talents of Jennifer Garner. Her role in last year’s comic book adventure Daredevil showed she could easily transfer that talent to the big screen. Now, with the big screen comedy 13 Going on 30, Garner has the biggest test of her talents yet. Playing what is essentially a re-imagining of Tom Hanks' role in 1987's Big, Garner shows a comic flair that she has not had the opportunity to show before. It's a risky departure and a surprisingly successful one as well.

In 13 Going on 30, Garner is Jenna Rink, whom we first meet at the age of 13 as an insecure kid who hopes to become part of a popular clique. She has her chance when the popular kids promise to attend her thirteenth birthday party. However, her popularity comes with a price as she alienates her best friend Matt. Worse yet, the popular girls were only joking about being her friend and instead abandon Jenna as she awaits her first kiss with one of the popular boys in a game of “seven minutes in heaven.” This leaves Jenna stranded and crying in her closet wishing that she could be 30 years old like the girls in her favorite magazine.

When next we see Jenna, she is grown up and very confused. Her wish has come true and she is now 30 years old, only she doesn't remember anything between her wish in the closet and waking up in her fabulous New York apartment. Soon she finds out that she has become an editor at her favorite magazine, Poise, and she became and remains friends with the popular clique from her high school. However she is no longer friends with Matt (Mark Ruffalo) who has grown up to become a photographer and is soon to be married. In her confusion, Jenna discovers that hurting Matt was the biggest mistake in her life and that wanting to be popular has cost her real happiness.

Not exactly groundbreaking storytelling. However as it is played with such lively joy by Jennifer Garner, this trite, overly sweet story is surprisingly funny. Garner tosses her dignity to the curb and goes full speed ahead into being a thirteen-year trapped in the body of a thirty-year-old. Not only is she believable, she is very funny. Garner infuses the role with more acting talent than you expect for such light material. She’s also very well matched with Mark Ruffalo whose credibility as dramatic actor gives the film’s melodrama a needed gravity.

Director Gary Winick borrows effectively from Penny Marshall's Big, combining it with the bubbly effusiveness of Legally Blonde for a comic fantasy romance that is sweet without being overly precious. There are big laughs in the film but more importantly there are big smiles, especially the ones you leave the theater wearing.

My only real problem with the film is it's title which evokes those bad eighties body switching movies like 18 Again or Vice Versa. While those films are in this one's spirit, this is a different and far better film. It's not the most original movie and there are few cringe-inducing moments of over the top cuteness, but nothing so bad that they can't be overlooked. 

There is too much about the film that works for me to care about the moments that don't. 13 Going On 30 is a shockingly good movie that I am very pleasantly surprised to recommend.

Movie Review: Boogeyman Starring Barry Watson

Boogeyman (2005) 

Directed by Stephen Kay 

Written by Eric Kripke, Juliet Snowden, Stiles White

Starring Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel, Lucy Lawless

Release Date February 4th, 2005 

Published February 5th, 2005 

There is a little known legend about a being called Zwarne Piet who it is said was a counterpart to Saint Nicholas or Santa Claus. Zwarne Piet was said to punish with a beating the children that Saint Nick deemed naughty. The legend of Zwarne Piet (there is no other english translation I am aware of) is one of the many entomological beginnings of the Boogeyman or man in the closet myths.

Every child was certainly made aware of the boogeyman whether it was from friends at a slumber party or siblings attempting to scare one another with a frightening bedtime story. The horror flick Boogeyman, starring Barry Watson, attempts to mine this childhood chestnut for some modern scares. Unfortunately, my description of Zwarne Piet has more scares than anything in this derivative PG-13 borefest.

A boy lies in bed, scared silly. Everything in his bedroom, in the dark, takes on a sinister shadow--his childhood toys, his robe laid across a chair, and of course his large, oaken, half-closed closet door. Poor  Timmy, it seems, has just recently learned of the Boogeyman from his dad (Charles Mesure). This is dad's charming way of teaching Timmy a lesson of some kind, but when the legend turns real it's dad who become the boogeyman's victim, right before Timmy's innocent eight-year-old eyes.

Fifteen years later, Tim (Barry Watson) is a slightly neurotic magazine editor with a beautiful girlfriend, Jessica (Tory Mussett), and a deep-seated fear of closets. Years of therapy have finally convinced Tim that his dad simply disappeared on his own and that the boogeyman was merely his imagination. However, when Tim's mom dies and he heads home, the boogeyman is waiting for him.

Director Stephen T. Kay working from a not-so-original screenplay by Eric Kripke, renders Boogeyman in homage to any number of hackneyed horror flicks and specifically Kubrick's The Shining and Speilberg's Jaws. Not that Boogeyman is any where near as good as those two films; rather, Kay obviously watched both of them prior to making his movie because aspects of each populate Boogeyman.

The Shining can be seen in the many whip-pan camera moves and arty, over-shoulder camera perspectives Kay employs. Occasionally Kay does capture a striking image but so much of Boogeyman is a reproduction of horror cliches that the occasional artful camera shot is rather meaningless in the long run. There is certainly nothing in Boogeyman as eye catching as Kubrick's elevator of blood.

The homage to Jaws seems more of an act of necessity than of actual tribute. One of the awesome memories of Jaws is how Speilberg kept the shark offscreen for most of the picture. Kay similarly keeps his Boogeyman under wraps until the very end. This Boogeyman, sadly, is no Bruce the shark.  ("Bruce" was the name Speilberg allegedly gave the mechanical monstrosity.) The Boogeyman is a mess of CGI shadows suggestive of a guy in blackface screaming.

Barry Watson was once a hot commodity in Hollywood. After making a splash as a hunk on the early seasons of 7th Heaven, Watson attempted to subvert the teen idol image thrust upon him. Unlike Johnny Depp before him, who shook a similar image by burying himself in complicated parts in underseen indie flicks, Watson cut his hunk hairstyle, grew some stubble and began making really bad movies.

First was the insipid college comedy Sorority Boys and now Boogeyman. I doubt Barry will have the teen idol stuff to overcome anymore. Another role like the one he plays in Boogeyman and I'm sure he will be begging the folks at 7th Heaven to take him back.

The PG-13 rating is the scourge of the modern horror film. Now that movies such as The Grudge have shown the box office viability of the PG-13 rating, more and more horror flicks are cutting the gore and nudity of the horror classics. Regrettably, these films not only lose the gore and nudity--they also forget the scares. Boogeyman is the latest in a growing genre of horror-less horror films that trade in established horror conventions for mood lighting and atmospherics to ever-diminishing success.

Why poor Emily Deschanel, now the star of the terrific procedural drama Bones on the Fox network, chose to co-star in this abysmal attempt at childhood scares is a mystery. Deschanel's earthy charm and natural wit are lost in this wretched, weak-kneed frightfest. Playing Watson's childhood friend and potential love interest, Deschanel seems to barely be in control of her gag reflex as she follows Watson from one tepid bloodless scare to the next.

Whether it is the neutered PG-13 scares or the fact that I simply loathe Barry Watson, I really hated Boogeyman. This is the latest in a series of tired, blood free, boob free horror flicks aimed at teenagers of a slightly less-than-discerning taste.

Movie Review: Cursed

Cursed (2005)

Directed by Wes Craven 

Written by Kevin Williamson

Starring Christina Ricci, Josh Jackson, Jesse Eisenberg, Scott Baio, Judy Greer, Shannon Elizabeth

Release Date February 25th, 2005 

Published February 24th, 2005

As far as career low points go I would have thought Director Wes Craven could not go any lower than his sad and long forgotten Eddie Murphy vampire flick Vampire In Brooklyn. However after seeing Mr. Craven's new werewolf picture Cursed I find that even if you have previously dug to the bottom of the barrel you can always lift the barrel to go a little lower.

Cursed is a shameful example of a once great Director in his most faded glory. In attempting to recreate the past success of the Scream series Craven has crafted a woefully inept spectacle of bad special effects and reteamed with writer Kevin Williamson, a return to the kind of in-the-know humor that made Scream hip.... in '96.

Christina Ricci stars as Elly, a TV producer raising her little brother Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg) after the death of their parents. When the kids are involved in a car accident, they are attacked by some kind of beast that annihilates another woman (Shannon Elizabeth, in a cameo nod to Drew Barrymore in Scream). Jimmy claims the beast was a werewolf and the cops and his sister are unsurprisingly skeptical.

Jimmy becomes obsessed with werewolf lore, because someone in werewolf movies has to provide exposition, spending hours researching the side effects of a non-fatal werewolf attack. Naturally there is the moonlight thing, an aversion to silver and a heightened sense of smell especially when it comes to blood. Soon both brother and sister are showing some supernatural side effects and only killing the wolf that attacked them can save them from a lifetime of moonlight killing.

Josh Jackson plays Elly's boyfriend who has a dark secret of his own and Judy Greer (The Village) plays a bitchy rival to Elly in her job as a producer on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. The cast also boasts cameos by Kilborn, Lance Bass of N'Sync, pop star Mya and Scott Baio (Yes, Scott Baio).

Memo to Kevin Williamson, simply putting Scott Baio in your movie is not funny. Give him something funny to do or say or don't do it at all. Mr. Baio's cameo is a throwaway, amongst many throwaway jokes that fall flat throughout Cursed.

The screenplay by Kevin Williamson attempts to mine comedy from Elly's gig as a producer on the Kilborn show but with Kilborn having left since the film wrapped more than a year ago, the comedy is embarassingly stale. Williamson also attempts to revive the running gags from the Scream series with Shannon Elizabeth's brief cameo and quick death and of course that knowing ironic horror movie humor that was his forte more than 10 years ago but has failed to mature much in the same way Mr. Williamson's career has failed to mature toward the success so many expected for him after the twin hits Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

It's not just the humor that falls flat in Cursed but also the career of the once very promising Christina Ricci. After her Prozac Nation was shelved before being dumped to cable and forgotten, it seems Ms. Ricci is longing for the kind of paycheck an actor can only get when they compromise their talent. Cursed however is not merely a compromise.  It's a total sellout. Never before has Ricci been so lifeless and banal on screen.

Ms. Ricci is not alone in the sellout department. It seems everyone from former Dawson's Creek star Johua Jackson to pop star Mya to the lovely Judi Greer were all willing to throw actorly credibility to the wind to gather a paycheck. Only Greer's performance could be called memorable, but not memorable for the right reasons. Ms. Greer's performance is so embarrassing she may want to leave it off her resume in the future.

The CGI effects employed in Cursed to bring the various werewolves to life are seemingly what Ed Wood might have created had he the chance to use the technology. All of the films werewolves are bad cartoons and because of the restrictive PG-13 Rating the film cannot distract the audience from the terrible effects with blood and gore. PG-13 simply does not suit the man who arguably has spilled more cinematic blood in history than any other director. The film's rating and lack of old school blood and guts is clearly a box office related compromise between Craven and the studio Dimension Films.

Not that an R-Rating could have done much for what is the worst outing of Wes Craven's long career. The master of horror delivers a movie with a thuddingly uninteresting script, little to no real scares and CGI effects, never his strong suit, that are some of the worst I have seen in a long while. Cursed plays not like a Wes Craven movie but rather like one of those early 2000's movies that he simply slapped his name on like They or Dracula 2000: bad, low-budget horror that capitalizes off the name of the man once called the Master of Horror. That name has lost a great deal of its cache with Cursed, one of the worst films of the 2004.

Movie Review Open Season

Open Season (2006) 

Directed by Roger Allers, Jill Cullen

Written by Steve Bencich, Ron J. Friedman, Nate Maulden

Starring Martin Lawrence, Ashton Kutcher, Gary Sinise, Debra Messing, Jon Favreau 

Release Date September 29th, 2005

Published September 30th, 2005

Sony Pictures Animation is brand new to the computer animation game. Their first feature Monster House, with producer Robert Zemeckis, was a fun, clever, kid friendly concept that would have benefited from a better release date. The second feature from Sony is equally as fun, though not quite as clever, and shows that Sony may be the first big studio animation arm to be truly competitive with Pixar in terms of creating fully integrated animated films with appeal beyond the child audience.

Monster House is a better, more accomplished example of the quality of Sony's work, but the new animated picture Open Season has just enough quality work to show Sony's potential.

Martin Lawrence gives voice to Boog in Open Season, a bear who has been domesticated. Living in the garage of a caring forest ranger (Debra Messing); Boog has his TV, nine square meals a day and he's even learned how to use the toilet. His domestic bliss is upended when he meets Elliott (Ashton Kutcher). Poor Elliott has been captured by an evil hunter (Gary Sinise) and strapped to the hood of the hunters truck.

Boog, on a day in the city with his forest ranger pal, see's Elliott and helps him escape. Elliott, thinking he has made a new best friend forever, follows Boog home and entices him out of the garage for a night on the town. The two end up vandalizing a mini-mart, an offense that causes the local sheriff to force the forest ranger to release Boog into the wild.

Never having had to survive on his own, Boog finds his new life in the forest to be, pardon the pun, un-bear-able. So, with Elliott's help, Boog tries to find his way back to the garage. Along the way he earns the ire of almost every other creature in the forest, especially after he crushes the local beaver dam and flushes everyone into the valley where hunters are awaiting the opening of hunting season.

Part of the strategy of Sony Pictures Animation is working with talented artists with great track records. On Monster House they worked with a rookie director, Gil Kenan, but backed him up with the proven talent of producer Robert Zemeckis. On Open Season Sony worked with director Roger Allers who directed the all time animated classic The Lion King.

Open Season does not compare with The Lion King in terms of the quality of its storytelling but the animation of Open Season is at times the equal of any and all of the great animated pictures, digital or otherwise. The forest landscapes of Open Season are absolutely gorgeous which is strangely at odds with the otherwise mundane  talking animals storyline. The animation tends to overwhelm a story beneath the dignity of the artistry of the animation.

Not that the story of Open Season isn't cute or funny, it is, but the grand animation of Open Season would be better suited to a more dramatic feature, ala The Lion King.

Part of the fun of Open Season is the voice work of Martin Lawrence and Ashton Kutcher. These two actors, who have struggled mightily in their live action work, are dynamic vocalists in Open Season. Lawrence does a terrific job of channeling the child-like innocence of Boog and combining it with an attitude of entitlement of a very spoiled child. As Boog becomes more mature, Lawrence channels his usual bravado and good humor into Boog to great effect.

Kutcher is a natural for voicework. He is naturally over the top and exemplifies boundless energy, as he so often showed on That 70's Show. Elliott, like TV's Michael Kelso, is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he has a big heart and that comes through in his voice. He just wants to be liked, he just wants to make friends and in that sense he is very reminiscent of another beloved animated sidekick Eddie Murphy's Donkey from the Shrek movies.

If the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals made an animated feature, I'm guessing it would look alot like Open Season. The film is like PETA propaganda. The hunters are mouth breathing morons and seething villains who hunt for the joy of the kill and not merely for sport. The animals are, of course, cute and smart and essentially more human than their human counterparts.

I am a little concerned about one thing about this animated tale of a grizzly bear who is kept as a pet. There was a documentary last year called Grizzly Man in which a man named Timothy Treadwell failed to understand how dangerous the grizzly bear truly is. Treadwell convinced himself that the bears were his friends, he even named them like pets. Timothy Treadwell died, eaten by his pals the grizzly's. Parents, be sure to make your children understand that Grizzly bear's are not pets.

If Sony Pictures Animation is going to compete with the gold standard set by Pixar they will need to do a little better than Open Season. That said, Open Season; in its lovely animation and wide appeal story, does demonstrate the potential of Sony's animated arm. Working with talented directors like Roger Allers is definitely a sign of the commitment of the company to the quality of their work.

The kids will love the talking animals and the adventure stories and mom and dad won't be bored thanks to the remarkable animation that often invites audiences just to gaze at it forgetting for a moment the mundane story.