Movie Review Consecration

Consecration (2023) 

Directed by Christopher Smith 

Written by Christopher Smith 

Starring Jena Malone, Danny Huston, Janet Suzman 

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 6th, 2023 

Consecration stars Jena Malone as Grace, a doctor living in America who is called to Scotland when her brother dies under unusual circumstances. Grace's brother, a Priest, is accused of having murdered another Priest before taking his own life. Naturally, Grace does not believe that her brother would have done such a thing or taken his own life. Thus, a mystery unfolds, who killed the Priest and who killed Grace's brother and portrayed it as a suicide? 

Aiding or perhaps hindering Grace's search for the truth is Father Romero (Danny Huston). Father Romero claims to be at the convent where Grace's brother was found to re-consecrate the place and bring it back to God. He claims that he can't do that as long as lies are being told about the death of Grace's brother. So, he offers to help Grace find the truth. Meanwhile, Mother Superior (Janet Suzman) lingers in the back of many scenes looking menacing and admitting that she may have tainted the evidence surrounding the murder and Grace's brother's death. 

Eventually we learn that members of the convent blame a demon for the death of both Priests. A Nun claims that a demon possessed Grace's brother, causing him to murder the other Priest and causing him to take his own life. Whether or not such a demon exists or if the death of Grace's brother was orchestrated by members of the convent is the mystery that drives Consecration as it proceeds through its horror movie story, one bubbling with religious imagery. 

The conclusion of Consecration is frustrating and deeply unsatisfying. The whole thing turns on a Deus Ex Machina that is broad to downright silly. Essentially, one of our characters turns out to be able to be anywhere at anytime and has been orchestrating everything we have seen since the start of the movie. We learn this when we are taken back in time via flashback that shows us everything that the rest of the movie was incapable of implying. 

Jena Malone usually makes better choices than this. Malone is wonderful at playing haunted characters with deep, dark, secrets and yet, Consecration makes her weepy and weak. It doesn't suit her. She ends the movie in a much different place than she began but it feels unearned. Malone is not the wilting flower type, she has a natural strength that she brings to most of her performances. Trying to tamp that down in Consecration via bad wig and weepy eyes simply doesn't work. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media

Movie Review Linoleium

Linoleum (2023) 

Directed by Colin West 

Written by Colin West 

Starring Jim Gaffigan, Rhea Seahorn. Katelyn Nacon 

Release Date February 24th, 2023 

Published February 19th, 2023 

Linoleum stars Jim Gaffigan as Cameron, a scientist and star of a failing children's television show. Cameron dreams of being an astronaut and as we join the story, he's sending in an application to NASA. And then a corvette falls out of the sky. Inside the car is what looks like a younger, slightly better-looking version of Cameron. Later, he relates the story to his family, including his soon-to-be ex-wife, Erin (Rhea Seahorn), and his loving if capricious daughter, Nora (Katelyn Nacon). Cameron also has a son but I am not even sure he's in the credits for the film, he exists to be indifferent to his father and the story in motion around him. 

Cameron's basement man-cave is stocked with NASA memorabilia which we see as Cameron is sneaking off to sleep apart from his disapproving wife. The following day we learn that the man in the Corvette crash is a scientist and astronaut whose uncanny resemblance to Cameron is intended as a way of commenting on the shortcomings of his dreams. Where this similarly looking man has succeeded in all of Cameron's dreams, Cameron himself, is a failure. This notion culminates in this man, Kent Armstrong, taking Cameron's job as host of his children's show. 

Running parallel to this odd story about Cameron and his doppelganger is that of Cameron's daughter, Nora (Katelyn Nacon). Nora is awkward and acerbic, unpopular at school but not really caring for popularity. Nora then meets Marc (Gabriel Rus), a new kid in school who happens to be the son of Cameron's doppelganger. Nora and Marc slowly build a romantic connection despite Nora saying she's gay more than once early in the film. 

That sounds more problematic than it is as there is an explanation. That said, the explanation is bizarre and may leave some audience members deeply confused. The final act of Linoleum sees three parallel stories seemingly merge at different points in time. Characters begin to merge in terms of timelines and it all coalesces into a very interesting conclusion, though one that remains open to interpretation. I can understand audiences that are deeply put off by how Linoleum plays out. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Untamed Heart

Untamed Heart (1993) 

Directed by Tony Bill 

Written by Tom Sierchio 

Starring Marisa Tomei, Christian Slater, Rosie Perez 

Release Date February 12th, 1993 

Published February 12th, 2023 

So... let's see if I understand this correctly. We are going to work this out together, you and me, dear reader. Christian Slater is a grown adult who still believes that when he was a child living in the jungle that his father stole magical rubies from a Baboon King to try and save Slater's characters life. When the Baboon King, who was trying to murder Slater's father, finds out that the rubies are for trying to save the child, the Baboon King tears out his own heart and puts it into the child Christian Slater's chest. He believes this story still, as an adult working at diner, that he tells this to the women he's been stalking/falling in love with. 

That's something that a human being wrote down and then made into a movie. Untamed Heart is a wild damn disaster of a romantic drama. It's a bizarre movie that appears to think it's perfectly normal for a grown man to rarely speak and believe that he has a baboon heart so thoroughly that he doesn't want to get a heart transplant that might prolong his life. And he's the romantic lead in this movie. No, he's not the little brother who suffered a head injury as a child that the actual romantic lead in the movie takes care of because their parents are gone, he's the actual lead in the movie. 

Okay, yeah, that's completely insane. Marisa Tomei is the actual star of Untamed Heart as a diner waitress named Caroline. While walking home late one night, Caroline is accosted by a pair of mashers, played by Kyle Secor and Willie Garson. Secor attempts to sexually assault Caroline but is thwarted by Adam (Christian Slater). He scoops up an unconscious Caroline and takes her home where he places her on a porch swing and spends hours watching her sleep. Yeah! 

By this point, it's been established that though Caroline and Adam have worked together for some time, he doesn't speak to her or really anyone if he doesn't absolutely have to. So, if they don't know each other, how does Adam know where she lives? Well, he's been stalking Caroline for weeks, perhaps months at a time. He says he just follows her home to make sure she gets there safe but later we will learn that he was also breaking into her house and watching her sleep. 

For her part, Caroline finds all of this incredibly romantic. The 90s were a goddamned mess. If you don't believe that women have spent most of their lives being gaslighted into thinking insane things are actually romantic, you haven't seen this nutzo movie that posits a stranger breaking into a woman's home to watch her sleep for weeks or months on end, as romantic devotion worthy of them spending the rest of their lives together. 

The scene were we find out that Adam has been following Grace comes when he breaks into her house and puts up a Christmas tree in her room, fully decorated. He did this while she and her entire family were sleeping. Her reaction to this is somehow not complete horror. Instead, she responds by saying thank you and 'I can't believe you remembered.' Remembered what? Christmas? Honestly, I wonder if they had Marisa Tomei's character act dumber just so she might seem like she would buy into Slater's Adam as a legit romantic partner. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review Magic Mike's Last Dance

Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023) 

Directed by Steven Soderbergh 

Written by Reid Carolin 

Starring Channing Tatum, Salma Hayek

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 14th, 2023 

Can I recommend a movie solely on the strength of the sexual chemistry between the two leads? It seems like a thin premise for recommending a movie. But, Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek are so incredible together, so insanely sexy together, I kind of want to recommend Magic Mike's Last Dance. Even as the plot seems like nonsense and the story feels cobbled together on the fly, the smoldering sexual chemistry of Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek is so fiery, it's kind of worth suffering the nonsense for. 

Magic Mike's Last Dance returns Channing Tatum, and his washboard abs, to the role of Mike Lane, stripper turned furniture maker, turned bartender as we join this story. Mike's dream of making handmade furniture failed amid the pandemic and he has sustained himself as a bartender for hire at parties ever since. That's how Mike meets Maxandra (Salma Hayek). She's a bored, rich, soon to be divorced cougar who has hired Mike on the recommendation of one of her employees. 

According to said employee, Mike can give Maxandra the kind of experience she's been craving, the kind of male attention she's desired since deciding to leave her husband. Indeed, Mike reluctantly agrees to her terms and provides such an experience. Showing off his insanely sexual lap dance skills, Mike sweeps Maxandra up in a lusty tornado of writhing flesh and she's hooked immediately. Though Mike doesn't want to be a kept man, he can't resist when Maxandra asks him to follow her to London, her primary home. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Batman Begins (2012)

Batman Begins (2005) 

Directed by Christopher Nolan 

Written by Christopher Nolan 

Starring Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes 

Release Date 

Published 2012 

Henri Ducard: Are you ready to begin?

Bruce Wayne: I-I can barely stand...

Henri Ducard: [kicks him] Death does not wait for you to be ready! Death is not considerate, or fair! And make no mistake: here, you face Death.

And that is how Bruce Wayne began his journey some seven years ago in writer-director Christopher Nolan’s first Bat-masterpiece, “Batman Begins.” It’s appropriate that Bruce Wayne, the man who would be Batman, would be trained as a ninja; the nerd culture that deified the caped crusader are of the same ilk who’ve turned the Asian legend of the ninja warrior into an outsized caricature.

It’s that knowing of what the audience wanted combined with his own particular, peculiar interests that have made Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy both crowd-pleasing and deeply personal. We will see in “The Dark Knight Rises,” Nolan’s Batman thesis statement, just how well the director combines his ability to dazzle the masses with his deep seeded philosophical aims.

“Batman Begins” is certainly a remarkable opening statement. In retrospect it’s much easier to see in the film how Nolan wanted to use this iconic character not merely to entertain but to critique and enlighten. From the opening moments when Bruce Wayne loses his parents to crime informed by poverty to the attempt by Ra’s Al Ghul to raze Gotham City by rotting it from within the philosophical aims of Nolan and his co-writer and brother Jonathan Nolan are vague but emerging.

We will get to the philosophy in a moment; let’s dig in to the surface story first. Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) lost his parents to a horrendous murder in a back alley. With years of guilt and anger boiling within Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham City from a failed stint in college with the intention of purging himself by killing his parents killer. When the man is murdered by a Mob Boss, Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson), Bruce needs a new path and winds up somewhere in Asia.

In Asia Bruce meets and becomes a student of a man calling himself Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson). He’s allegedly a minion of a man known as Ra’s Al Ghul but we will come to know that Ducard is Ra’s and he has plans for his new pupil that involve the destruction of Gotham City. Ra’s Al Ghul is the head of a secret society that has for years restored the balance of the world by laying waste to areas of the world that have grown decadent and out of control and Gotham City is set to join Rome, Sodom & Gomorrah and others on the ash heap of history.

When Bruce leans of Ra’s Al Ghul’s plans the compassion instilled in him by his late father compels him to hope for Gotham City and soon defend it. Bruce’s decision sets the stage for what will be a clash of will and philosophy that will carry audiences through “The Dark Knight Rises;” Ra’s Al Ghul’s cynical belief in the cleansing fire and Batman’s scarred optimism that good can somehow triumph over even the worst evil.

Is it really as simple as a glass half empty versus a glass half full? Of course not, though Ra’s Al Ghul’s nefarious plot to poison and weaponize Gotham’s water supply has a certain ironic quality in my thesis. The deeper meaning of “Batman Begins” and what carried forward through “The Dark Knight” and comes to fruition, allegedly, in “The Dark Knight Rises” is a belief in hope against great odds; the belief that a once great city or country can be great again but only after a great struggle.

Surely, Christopher Nolan’s vision of America in Gotham City is one on the road to complete ruin. It’s a vision that is littered with the bodies of the brave and beleaguered, the good and the evil, but is still a vision of hope. Is not America’s past stained with the same blood? Are we not hopeful that from the horrors of the past greatness can be recovered?

Hope, dear reader, is at the heart of Batman and “Batman Begins” is a far more hopeful movie than many are willing to give it credit for. Just check that hopeful happy ending as Bruce Wayne and his best friend Alfred ponder a future where the ruins of Wayne Manor are restored to an even greater and more effective glory.

Not having seen “The Dark Knight Rises” my theory of hope among the darkness of the Batman series may be completely disproved but I don’t think so. Christopher Nolan may have dark visions of a rotting society but he’s far too savvy to give into the cynicism that is the true enemy of his vision. Batman/Bruce Wayne himself may not be so lucky, but Gotham City will survive and a new hope will be born from the ruins with Batman, man or legend, as its symbol of hope.

Movie Review Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania

Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania 

Directed by Peyton Reed

Written by Jeff Loveness

Starring Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michelle Pfeiffer, Michael Douglas, Jonathan Majors 

Release Date February 17th, 2023 

Published February 15th, 2023 

In the Quantum Realm Janet Van Dyne (Michelle Pfeiffer) believed she would live out her days alone and lost. Then, a spaceship crashed in front of her. Inside was a man with no name, though she would eventually know him as Kang (Jonathan Majors). For a time, Janet and this nameless man worked together to try and escape from the Quantum Realm. That partnership ended when Janet found out who Kang really was, an entity, a being, a God, known as Kang The Conqueror. 

Kang once held a mastery over time. His God-like powers allowed him to travel the multiverse where he destroyed entire branch universes in order to consolidate his own power. Trapped in the Quantum Realm after Janet betrayed him, Kang built an empire and kept searching for a means to escape. That chance to escape comes after Janet has managed to escape, with the help of Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), aka Ant-Man. It takes a little time but when Cassie Lang built a machine that could map the Quantum Realm, it opened a portal that sucked in Cassie, her dad Scott, Janet, her husband, Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), and Janet's daughter, Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly), aka The Wasp. 

Now trapped in the Quantum Realm and separated from each other, the family must find a way to reunite. All while being pursued by Kang who hopes to steal whatever means allowed Janet to escape from the Quantum Realm. That means being, Pym Particles, the creation that allows Ant-Man and The Wasp to shrink or grow in size and take advantage of the strength of ants. Kang believes that this technology could be used to restore the MacGuffin that gave power to the ship that stranded him in the Quantum Realm and allow him to travel to and conquer universes as he had done before he was exiled. 

And that's the plot of Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania. Can Scott Lang overcome the God-Like powers of Kang the Conqueror and keep him from destroying countless universes. It's a solid and relatively simple plot but one that lacks much in terms of depth. Scott Lang's character arc isn't much. He wishes he could go back to before The Snap and be with Cassie as she grows up. Kang, with his ability to manipulate time, might be able to give him that wish. However, though the trailer seems to indicate that Scott would be open to working with Kang, that doesn't happen in the movie. 

At no point is Scott not the Ant-Man we've always known, a slightly gawky devoted dad and practical screw-up. The movie doesn't change him much nor, does it appear that his experiences saving the world alongside the Avengers seem to have changed him much. He's perhaps become overly cautious when it comes to Cassie, urging her not to take risks or do anything that might risk her safety, even if said thing is the right thing to do. That's not really much of an arc but that's about all that we get in Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania. 

In terms of arcs, none of these characters seem to have much growth or change. Janet Van Dyne does open up to her family for the first time since she has been back in her own universe but that's only because of the dangerous circumstances at play and not due to any emotional growth on her part. As for Hank and Hope, they're mostly sidelined here. Hope especially, seems to have less dialogue and screen time than in the previous Ant-Man movies. Michael Douglas has a few moments where he looks cool but he's mostly superfluous to the plot. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Spoiler Alert: Character Arcs and Functionality in Knock at the Cabin

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan 

Written by M. Night Shyamalan 

Starring Dave Bautista, Nikki Amuka Bird, Kristin Cui, Rupert Grint, Jonathan Groff, Abby Quinn, Ben Aldridge 

Release Date February 3rd, 2023 

Published February 3rd, 2023 

Knock at the Cabin is a horror thriller about the apocalypse. Four characters, played by Dave Bautista, Abby Quinn, Rupert Grint, and Nikki Amuka Bird, travel to a cabin in Pennsylvania where they hope to avert a worldwide apocalypse. To do this, they must convince a family of three, played by Jonathan Groff, Ben Aldridge and their daughter played by Kristin Cui, to willing sacrifice one member of their family. The four visitors have had a shared vision of the future and received a vague prophecy related to this specific cabin and whoever lives there. 

In this article we are going to examine the character arcs and how they function in M. Night Shyamalan's nightmare fantasy of the end of the world. To do that, there will be spoilers. If you are wanting to see Knock at the Cabin, you should see the movie first and then come back and engage with this article. 

Leonard - Played by Dave Bautista, over the course of Knock at the Cabin we learn that Leonard is a schoolteacher and that he coaches middle school sports. Leonard is big and imposing but has a gentle quality as he demonstrates upon meeting Wen, the young daughter of Eric and Andrew. As he joins Wen to catch Grasshoppers for a school project, Leonard gently works to make Wen comfortable before he is compelled to reveal why he has come to this mostly empty stretch of Pennsylvania forest. 

Leonard is the de-facto leader of the four people who come to the cabin. It's Leonard who reveals the prophecy and the details of the apocalypse and that each of his fellow visitors will die until Eric and Andrew make a decision about which of them should die to save humanity. And that's pretty much it. Leonard appears wise and Dave Bautista invests him with a particular passion that is very compelling but, he doesn't change much as we see him. The biggest change in Leonard's life happens entirely off-screen. 

By the time that Leonard has arrived at the cabin, he's a devotee of this apocalypse plan and doesn't waver. Perhaps his arc is coming to accept his own fate, dying by his own hand, but again, it's not an arc. Instead of having an arc where he starts at one point of an emotional or physical journey, Leonard is a functional character. Leonard exists to motivate change in Eric and Andrew. I am not saying this as a negative critique, I'm just establishing how he functions in this story. 

Abby - Abby is a line cook and a mother of a son named Charlie. She enjoys cooking and likes making people happy. Like Leonard, the biggest arc of her life happened off screen. Finding Leonard and the rest via a message board and going to Pennsylvania to carry out their role in trying to prevent the apocalypse, happens before we meet Abby. What we see of Abby is that she is manic, anxious, and a little panicked. And that never changes until her character is killed to set off another plague of the apocalypse. Like Leonard, she functions as a motivator for Andrew and Eric. 

Sabrina - Sabrina is a nurse and a supremely kind woman. Though she uses a weapon to break into the cabin in violent fashion, when Eric is injured during the home invasion, Sabrina tends to him and cares for him. She goes out of her way to make Eric comfortable as he has suffered a concussion during the brawl. It's likely just how she was as a nurse, a caring, loving presence. Like her fellow visitors, her arc happened offscreen as she went from a full time nurse with a family to someone who drove 6 hours to be at this place, at this time, to try and stop the apocalypse. Her death doesn't go as planned but she seems prepared to accept it when it comes. 

Redmond - Redmond is the last of our foursome and the only one who gets a scene outside of the main narrative. Redmond is belligerent and agitated but that's explained by the fact that he knows he's the first to die if Andrew and Eric fail to make a choice. It will come about through the arguing back and forth between Eric and Leonard, that Redmond knew Eric and Andrew before coming to the cabin. As Eric recalls, Redmond approached him and Andrew at a bar in Boston and assaulted Eric with a beer bottle after having overheard the two men professing their love to each other. 

Find my full length Spoiler Alert Article at Geeks.Media. 

Spoiler Alert: The Absence of Consequence in Infinity Pool

Infinity Pool (2023)

Directed by Brandon Cronenberg

Written by Brandon Cronenberg

Starring Mia Goth, Alexander Skarsgard, Cleopatra Coleman 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published February 3, 2023 

This article contains spoilers for the ending of the new movie Infinity Pool. I highly recommend you see the film before you read this article. Infinity Pool is a mindbending, genre-defying, exploration of unchecked privilege. Writer-Director Brandon Cronenberg takes influence from his father, David Cronenberg, in crafting eye-catching body horror while using his film to explore themes he finds interesting such as the notion of identity and the unchecked privilege of the uber-rich. The title alone, Infinity Pool, suggests an unending lavish and luxurious privilege reserved only to those who could afford it. 

SPOILERS AHEAD JUMP NOW AND SEE INFINITY POOL... 

The plot of Infinity Pool comes into focus when Alexander Skarsgard's James Foster is arrested for vehicular homicide. The previous night, he'd gone out with his wife, Em, played by Cleopatra Coleman, and a couple they'd just met, Gabi and Alban Bauer, played by Mia Goth and Jalil Lespert. They foursome got drunk and while driving back to their resort, with James behind the wheel, they struck a man crossing the street, killing the man. Gabi then convinces them to leave the scene without reporting the incident, compounding their legal problems the following day. 

James is arrested while his wife and the Bauer's are detained. The investigating detective, played by Thomas Kretschmann tells James that the punishment for his crime is death. The family of the man he killed is allowed to exact their revenge by executing him themselves. But, there is a way out. For a free, the cops will make a complete clone of James, one with all of his features and memories, and that clone will stand-in when James is put to death. The only catch is that James will have to watch his own execution. James agrees and is forever changed by seeing himself be gutted by the oldest son of the man he killed. 

This death sentence is James' initiation into an exclusive club. The Bauers inform James that they've also been through their own execution after an infinity pool that Alban installed at another resort, went to pieces and killed two workers. Since seeing their own execution, the Bauers have built a hedonistic group of fellow Americans who've committed death sentence offenses while staying at this resort. Having seen their own deaths, the group finds that there are really no consequences for their actions and thus they seek to engage in even greater debauchery to achieve an ever more elusive high. 

Em leaves immediately, not remotely interested in James' new friends. Thus, James is left free to indulge in drugs, group sex, and murder, all with no consequences. If the group is caught murdering a local official who ticked them off, they won't die. They can simply pay a fee for another clone and enjoy the incredibly morbid show of watching themselves die again. As you can imagine, this kind of unchecked privilege leads James to his darkest depths. Reaching a nadir, he will try to save himself, but what is he saving himself from? 

The final act of Infinity Pool is basically James becoming a plaything, a toy for Mia Goth's Gabi to play with as she pleases. The game she chooses has James killing one his own clones in a fight to the death. It's a horrific death and since James can never be sure whether he is himself or a clone of his original self, there is an extra kick of desperation, confusion and anger that underscores the fury he lets loose on this other version of himself. 

Find my full length Spoiler Alert Article at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Ocean Boy

Ocean Boy (2023) 

Directed by Tyler Atkins 

Written by Tyler Atkins 

Starring Luke Hemsworth, Rasmus King 

Release Date February 3rd, 2023 

Published February 1st, 2023 

Ocean Boy, or Bosch and Rockit in many other, non-American markets, is an Australian crime, surfing and family drama. The film stars the Zeppo of the Hemsworth clan. Luke Hemsworth as Bosch, a farmer and small-time drug kingpin. Bosch sells weed and does pretty well with it. His crime empire is threatened when a corrupt cop tries to force Bosch to start selling cocaine. Bosch is, at the very least, smart enough to recognize the dangers of selling cocaine versus the relative safety of sticking with pot. 

Meanwhile, Bosch's teenage son, Rockit, is basically feral. Though being 13 or 14 years old, Rockit can't read. All Rockit ever wants to do is surf and or, hang out on the beach. At school, on the rare occasion that he goes to school, Rockit is mocked and mistreated by his schoolmates. His teachers are not much better as they've clearly not bothered to actually try to teach the kid, preferring to pass him from grade to grade without question. 

The plot of Ocean Boy truly kicks in when a wildfire destroys Bosch's crops, and he loses the cocaine that he was supposed to sell. Going on the run with his son, Bosch tries to put a positive spin on things by convincing his son that they are simply on holiday and camping on the beach in a resort town. This lie can only carry things so far and soon, father and son are deeply at odds. Meanwhile, the baddies are hot on Bosch's trail. The cocaine he lost was very expensive and the corrupt cops want their money back. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice

Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice 

Directed by David Price 

Written by A.L Katz, Gilbert Adler, 

Starring Terrence Knox, Paul Scherrer, Ryan Bollman 

Release Date January 29th, 1993 

Published January 31st, 1993 

Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice is a bonkers disaster of a horror sequel. Produced 8 years after the original Stephen King adapted horror flick, the film is laughably out of touch with even the minor pleasures of the 1984 film. Comically inept director David Price, the son of the head of Dimension Studios at the time, starts bad and builds one unintentionally comic scene after another until the whole thing crashes off the rails in a beautifully unintentionally hilarious train wreck. 

Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice begins in Gatlin, Nebraska, the setting of the original, Children of the Corn, where a group of children are being rescued. Somehow, 8 years later, law enforcement caught wind of what happened in Gatlin. Rather, they heard all of the adults had died and figured they should rescue the supposedly innocent children of Gatlin. I think that's what is happening but the comic ineptitude of the direction of Children of the Corn 2 makes it appear as if the kids boarded a bus in their new hometown and then immediately got off and joined new families. 

Meanwhile, journalists are covering the carnage in Gatlin, specifically a newsman and his camera operator who stop for a moment to give our protagonist a hard time. Terrence Knox stars in Children of the Corn 2 as John Garrett, a tabloid journalist coming to cover the story. Out TV journalists mention that Garrett is a disgraced former TV reporter but that is not something that will ever come up again or be remotely important to his 'arc,' to use a phrase that barely applies. 

After acting like High School bullies, the TV guys head to a nearby cornfield to shoot some B-Roll. This is the filler material you see editors use to transition from one part of a story to another. There, in one of the great unintentionally comic moments in this rather brilliant unintentional comedy, Corn comes to life and kills the TV guys. Stalks of literal corn come to life and use their sharp leaves to slice the throat of the cameraman while another corn stalk launches itself like Poseidon's Trident through the window of the newsman, impaling the reporter. 

It's as if whoever wrote this opening sequence hadn't seen the original movie and believed it was literally about killer corn stalks. Oh, and this NEVER happens again in the movie. Yeah, the movie employs actual Corn as a killing device and then never uses this motif again. It's cheap schlock of the highest order, a bit of complete nonsense that is so tasty in its unintended brilliance that I can't help but admire how awesomely stupid this sequence is. 

Back to our protagonist, he along with his son, are staying in the same neighboring town that the kids of Gatlin have been brought to. In fact, they are staying at a Bed and Breakfast with Micah (Ryan Bollman), who is the new leader of the Children of the Corn cult. It is Micah who now carries out the wishes of He Who Walks Behind the Rows. This essentially boils down to wearing black and having his voice pitched in a funny overdub intended to make him sound possessed by a demon. It's quite funny, especially when his sacred robe looks like a cozy Snuggie that he cut the arms off of. 

The ineptitude of the scripting and direction of Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice is a perfect example of that sweet spot for so bad its good movies. It's so bad you might think it was done intentionally but so obvious that it comes from a lack of care and talent that it becomes kind of poignant. Poignant in that you almost feel bad laughing at the effort that went into creating something so very, very, unintentionally funny. 

There are so many great so bad its good moments in Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice. A famous one finds the titular child cult menacing an old woman in an electric wheelchair. The kids have an R.C car and somehow, Micah uses his dark magic to hack the woman's wheelchair so that he can control it. Micah rolls the poor old lady into the street where she is hit by a car. This creates a remarkably funny visual in which a very obvious dummy in an electric wheelchair goes flying through a plate glass window, interrupting a bingo game. That Wheelchair Old Lady is not a meme is a missed opportunity for our entire culture. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Free Skate

Free Skate (2023) 

Directed by Roope Elenius 

Written by Veera W. Vilo 

Starring Veera W. Vilo, Leena Uotila, Karolina Blackburn 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published January 27th, 2023 

Free Skate boldly and starkly explores the abuses of the Russian sports infrastructure in damning and artful fashion. Veera W. Vilo plays an unnamed figure skater who is discovered lying unconscious in a Finnish roadway at the start of the film. From there, the movie jarringly shifts back and forth in time. In one timeline, we see the figure skater living in Finland with her loving grandmother and being part of a loving and caring team with her new figure skating coaches and trainers. 

In a timeline another timeline, our vulnerable, shy, and achingly sad figure skater is coming up the ranks of Russian figure skating. Her relationship with her coaches and trainers is antagonistic and cruel. The Russian approach to training is not what anyone would call nurturing. Rather, it involves terrifying the skaters into on ice perfection that is unattainable. Skaters who don't show enough improvement are punished by being forced to stand outside in a dangerously cold Russian winter in little more than a leotard. 

Success and improvement however, may be even worse than the tortured failure. As our figure skater protagonist becomes a figure skating star, she becomes the object of the Russian oligarchs who fund the Russian figure skating team. You can imagine, this funding for figure skating comes with a cost and that cost is paid not by the Russian government, the trainers or the coaches, it's paid by the skaters who are tasked with doing whatever it takes to secure further funding for the figure skating team. Free Skate is unflinching in showing you exactly the price that is paid. 

Cut back to Finland and our shy, sad, figure skater, haunted by her past, thrives under the more caring and nurturing environment of Finland but also lives in fear of her past. One of her trainers in Russia who did little to protect her from the horrific abuse of other coaches and the rich creeps who funded the skating team, was her own father, a man she now fears seeing anywhere she goes. The threat of being sent back to Russia hangs over the head of our figure skater as she makes a move to expose the horrors she experienced under the Russian regime. 

Free Skate doesn't claim to be based on a true story. That said, rumors about the horrors of being a Russian athlete date as far back as pre-World War 2. The Cold War ramped up the mistreatment of Russian athletes who were tortured and threatened with death if they did not achieve to a level that reflected well on the Russian leadership. Thus, it is not a major reach on the part of the makers of Free Skate to draft a story that focuses on athletes being violently, sexually and mentally abused. And yet, it's still shocking and appalling when you are forced to confront it as boldly  as it is presented in Free Skate. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Infinity Pool

Infinity Pool (2023) 

Directed by Brandon Cronenberg 

Written by Brandon Cronenberg

Starring Alexander Skarsgard, Mia Goth 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published January 30th, 2023 

Author James Foster has traveled to an exclusive resort with his bored and distant wife, Em (Cleopatra Coleman). James is suffering from writer's block to the point that he hasn't written anything in the six years since his mediocre first novel. James and Em are going through the motions of their lives when James meets Gabi Bauer (Mia Goth) and her husband, Alban (Jalil Lespert). By some strange coincidence, Gabi is one of the few to have enjoyed James' novel. Though he'd rejected going out to dinner with his wife, when the Bauer's invite them to same restaurant, James' interest is renewed. 

The couples become best friends and the following day, they bribe a local to rent them a car so they can go to the beach. This is not a safe thing to do. The country they in frowns on tourists leaving the resort. That's why this luxury resort is surrounded by a razor wire fence, nobody comes in and no one is supposed to leave. Nevertheless, money talks and the group heads to a gorgeous beach. Naturally, this trip doesn't go well. Gabi's ulterior motives become very clear when she and James end up alone for a moment on the beach. 

However, the real plot doesn't kick in until the slightly inebriated foursome are ready to drive home. It's grown dark and James is the least drunk of the group and thus called upon to drive back to the resort. Along the way, the lights on the car short out and James doesn't see a local walk into the street in front of him. The car hits the man and kills him instantly. With everyone now VERY awake, Gabi advises everyone to get back in the car and get going. She says the local cops in this 3rd world travel destination will not treat them well. Okay, she states plainly that if arrested, she and Em will spend the next 24 hours being sexually assaulted while their husbands are tortured. 

This scares everyone back into the car and they drive on back to the resort and try to go on with their lives. However, the following morning, the cops have quite quickly followed the evidence and found the car and who was driving it. All four are arrested, though the Bauer's are suspiciously absent as Em and James are separated with each sent to interrogation rooms. The local police captain, played by Thomas Kretschmann, already knows James is guilty of driving drunk and killing a man, the Bauer's have already confessed as has Em, allegedly. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here

Movie Review: You People

You People (2023) 

Directed by Kenya Barris 

Written by Jonah Hill, Kenya Barris

Starring Jonah Hill, Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Lauren London, Nia Long, David Duchovny 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published January 28th, 2023 

You People is an insufferable bore featuring caricatures of white and black people who talk as if they were programmed by Boomer Facebook memes. Kenya Barris and Jonah Hill are supposed to be better than that but by the evidence of You People, they've taken the lowest hanging fruit of awkward racial humor and blended it all together and reheated it over and over and over again and then called it a movie. The characters may have a point to make about the ways white and black people fail to communicate effectively with each other but it's hard to find that point in the midst of noisy, insufferable characters intended only to inflict themselves on each other rather than talk like human beings.  

You People stars Jonah Hill as Ezra Cohen and Lauren London as Amira Mohammad. These two 30-something kids meet-cute when Ezra mistakes Amira for his Uber Driver. She happens to be lost on her way to a new job and he's able to navigate her there. Along the way, he gets her phone number and the two start a sweet romance. He works in finance but dreams of being a podcaster and she's costume designer working on various different movie and television projects. They have terrific chemistry. Only one thing stands in there way, a terrible script, no wait, I mean their parents. 

Julia Louis Dreyfuss and David Duchovny are Shelly and Arnold Cohen and Eddie Murphy and Nia Long are Akbar and Fatima Mohammad. If you haven't guessed, the Cohen's are Jewish and the Mohammad's are Muslim, how will they ever get along? Sarcasm. Sarcasm. Sarcasm. Surprise, they don't get along and when Ezra decides to ask Amira to marry him things only get worse as Shelly stumbles into ruining their relationship over her woke enthusiasm, and Akbar actively works to undermine the relationship by catching Ezra doing something wrong, whatever that might be. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here 

Movie Review The Civil Dead

The Civil Dead (2023) 

Directed by Clay Tatum

Written by Clay Tatum, Whitmer Thomas 

Starring Clay Tatum, Whitmer Thomas, DeMorge Brown

Release Date February 3rd, 2023 

Published January 30th, 2023 

The Civil Dead is a shaggy charmer of a comedy. Written by, directed by, and starring Clay Tatum, The Civil Dead has wonderful high concept premise delivered a low key, mumblecore style charm. Clay Tatum plays Clay, a struggling photographer living in Los Angeles with his lovely wife, Whitney (Whitney Weir), also a photographer, though slightly more successfully. As we join the story, Whitney is leaving for a job out of town and chiding Clay to do more than just drink beer and lay around while she's out of town. 

Taking his wife's words to heart, Clay ventures out to take photos. While snapping a pick of a strange bit of graffiti, Clay runs into his old friend Whit (Whitmer Thomas). Whit is dead. Clay doesn't yet know that his friend is dead but he does know that he's eager to get away from this awkward reunion. Clay and Whit were friends before they moved to L.A. We will learn over the course of their reintroduction how odd it is that they lived in the same town and ran in the same circle but never ran across each other. It's probably because Whit was more invested in their friendship than Clay was. 

Find my full length review of Geeks.Media linked here 

Movie Review She is Love

She is Love (2023) 

Directed by Jamie Adams 

Written by Jamie Adams 

Starring Haley Bennett, Sam Riley, Marissa Abela 

Release Date February 3rd, 2023 

Published January 28th, 2023 

Through some trick or fate, oddball Patricia ends up a cottage somewhere in England that happens to be the same cottage that her ex-husband, Idris (Sam Riley), is staying at with his new love, Louise (Marisa Abela). Patricia and Idris have not seen each other in 10 years and that, along with the supremely awkward scenario, becomes the subject of Jamie Adams' comedy of modern manners, She is Love. All of it playing out in Jamie Adams' intimate fly on the wall fashion. 

Reminiscing is a fascinating subject. We all have memories we share with others, and it is fascinating to compare how you remember things. She is Love engages with that idea between Patricia and Idris and the power of their memories together is palpable. Their chemistry remains even after nearly a decade apart. Bennett and Riley's conspiratorial glances and emotional bond bubbles with life and energy. Scene after scene they find odd little asides, things to do to fill the seemingly endless amount of time they have in this cottage. 

Neither appears to have any reason to be where they are. Louise is here for a movie role. We see her reading lines and struggling to get into character. Ironically, the dialogue she's practicing mirrors the situation she's in as her character laments not wanting to spend time reflecting on the past. Louise is very much an outsider in this situation and her insecurity isn't played for laughs, nor is her cluelessness as she leaves her boyfriend alone with his ex-wife. 

At one moment, the film stops to allow Louise to express all of her tense emotions in a lonely dance to an upbeat French song. It's a lovely and revealing moment, capturing the anxiety of both her professional and personal struggle. I love the small ways that Adams allows her the space to explore her emotions. She's not a foolish character. In other, lesser movies, she'd be the villain standing in the way of true love between a pair of exes. Jamie Adams doesn't waste time on such things. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here

Documentary Review Downwind

Downwind (2023) 

Directed by Douglas Brian Miller, Mark Shapiro 

Written by Documentary 

Starring Martin Sheen, Patrick Wayne, Michael Douglas 

Release Date January 23rd, 2023 

Published January 27th, 2023 

Downwind is a terrifying title. Being downwind simply is not a place you want to be in most, if not all contexts. That is especially true if you are downwind from sites where the American government was testing nuclear weapons. Between 1951 and 1992 the United States Military tested 928 Nuclear Weapons on a site in Mercury, Nevada. Despite promises of security and safety, those who lived downwind over Mercury, Nevada, to this day, die more frequently from cancer than anywhere in the country. That the community most affected by being downwind from Mercury, Nevada is a community of the Shoshone Indian Tribe only adds another layer of awful to this terrible story of misguided hubris and disregard of basic human decency. 

The documentary Downwind tells the story of the American nuclear project and the various effects testing nuclear weapons on American soil has had on the American people. The dropping of Atomic weapons on Japan in World War 2 touched off an arms race unlike any in the history of the world. Then, when nuclear weapons were developed, a whole new horror was brought to bear on mankind, one that brought the world to the brink of complete extinction. You see, the American government knew all along that the use of Nuclear weapons would lead to dangerous and deadly fallout but pushed forward with nuclear weapons anyway out of fear that Russia would develop the weapon first. 

In order to develop nuclear weapons, the American government needed to test those weapons. Needing a secure place to do the testing, away from the potential for foreign spies finding out about these developments, and not wanting to create fallout near population centers of the United States, the government settled on tiny Mercury, Nevada. Not so much a town, as a ghost town, Mercury was several miles from anywhere people were living. It would, perhaps, be the safest place this type of testing could be done if there were such a thing as safely testing nuclear weapons. 

Naturally, the desire to harness a new, more powerful weapon, overcame good sense and testing moved ahead despite the fact that everyone was aware of the possibility that anyone living 'downwind' of Mercury could be exposed to radiation fallout, a deadly result of the use of nuclear weapons. The reason nuclear weapons could cause mass extinction if ever used isn't because of the thousands of people who would die from a nuclear blast. Rather, the radiation fallout from the use of nuclear weapons on a global scale, such as the scenario of Russia and the United States firing weapons at each other, would poison the planet and hasten a relatively slow and painful end via disease, famine and drought. 

Find my full length review at Swamp.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Teen Wolf The Movie

Teen Wolf The Movie (2023) 

Directed by Russell Mulcahy 

Written by Jeff Davis 

Starring Tyler Posey, Crystal Reed, Tyler Hoechlin

Release Date January 26th, 2023

Published January 26th, 2023 

I did not watch Teen Wolf when the series arrived on MTV in the mid-2000s. I wasn't opposed to the series, it just wasn't for me. It's a series engineered to excite a fanbase of teenaged girls and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The series had a very successful run and seemed to end on a high note with fans. Now, the series is back for a one off Teen Wolf movie which starts streaming on January 26th, 2023, on Paramount Plus, the streaming home of MTV products. 

Having not watched a single episode of Teen Wolf I expected the film to be dense with lore and incomprehensible. What a surprise then to find that the makers of Teen Wolf The Movie appear eager to welcome new fans. Yes, the movie is certainly for the faithful fans of the series, but as an outsider, I found the action and the story easy to follow and the movie as a whole, very entertaining. There is a particular lack of pretense, a certain understated charm that permeates Teen Wolf The Movie, giving it a welcoming quality that doesn't squander the love of the long time fan. 

Teen Wolf The Movie kicks into gear with an intriguing opening scene. A man enters a restaurant where two of the series star are living and working. The man is there to take a particular mystical MacGuffin that will play a role in the plot. This leads to a fight scene that sets the stakes and allows stars Amy Workman as Hikari, and Dylan Spayberry as Liam, to show off their powers for people who might not be familiar with the role they play in the series. 

The opening heist scene sets up a plot in which the father of Werewolf Hunter Allison Argent, who died in series canon, to bring his daughter back to life. Returning to where she died, he recruits Allison's Werewolf boyfriend, Scott McCall (Tyler Posey), along with Dr. Alan Deaton (Seth Gilliam) to help him. Secretly, Allison's dad is the vessel for an ancient evil who hopes to use the reborn Allison to kill Scott and all other Werewolves and magical beings that stand with him. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here

Documentary Review Filmmakers for the Prosecution

Filmmakers for the Prosecution (2023) 

Directed by Jean-Christophe Klotz 

Written by Documentary 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published January 28th, 2023 

Filmmakers for the Prosecution is a riveting and necessary documentary. The doc captures the remarkable role that filmmakers played in the prosecution of Nazi war crimes at Nuremberg in 1945-46. The legendary filmmaking family, the Schulberg's were on the front line of the final days of World War 2 as Americans and Russians made their way into the heart of Berlin and the end of the Nazi regime. Along the way, those filmmakers captured images that have lasted for decades, seered into the collective memory that is world history. 

Filmmakers for the Prosecution begins on Bud Schulberg, a stalwart of the studio system whose family was deeply affected by the holocaust. Schulberg committed his vast resources and influence in Hollywood to helping the war effort. It was the Schulberg family who recruited director John Ford to be in Europe helping to oversee the effort of filming and cataloguing the Nazi atrocities. Those films would go on to be essential to prosecuting Nazi War criminals including Rudolf Hess and Herman Goering. 

Act 2 of Filmmakers for the Prosecution then turns to the efforts of recovering the films made by the Nazis themselves. For reasons that can only be attributed to insane hubris, the Nazis filmed their horrific crimes. Leni Riefenstahl, Hitler's own film director enters the story briefly as she helps the Americans find some of the most shocking footage in world history. This footage, which you will see in Filmmakers for the Prosecution, shows Nazi soldiers bulldozing the bodies of Jewish prisoners into improvised graves. 

Find my review at Swamp.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Maybe I Do

Maybe I Do (2023) 

Directed by Michael Jacobs 

Written by Michael Jacobs 

Starring Diane Keaton, Richard Gere, William H. Macy, Susan Sarandon, Emma Roberts 

Release Date January 27th, 2023

Published January 28th, 2023

Somewhere there is a dusty shelf that someone cleaning that hadn't been cleaned since 1994. On that shelf was a script for a truly awful romantic comedy called Maybe I Do. To whomever failed to leave this script on that dusty, forgotten shelf is a truly cruel human being. The script for Maybe I Do belongs on an ash heap, not on a big screen. This insipid throwback to awful boomer politics of the time when their opinion of popular culture mattered, is a relic of a time when men made jokes about hating their wives and wives joked about their husband's inability to satisfy them sexually. Ugh! 

That this insipid film stars Diane Keaton is seemingly inevitable. The once great actress has an uncanny ability to find the absolute worst movies that play to her worst instincts as an actress. How a woman with this much talent manages to choose the worst movies is some kind of cosmic joke. Keaton's last 20 plus years include some of the worst movies of this young century and Maybe I Do belongs to that epic, awful canon of the worst of the worst. 

In Maybe I Do, Diane Keaton plays a married woman whose idea of lying to her husband, Richard Gere, is going to the movies by herself. Meanwhile, her terrible husband is off having sex with his sort of mistress played by Susan Sarandon. Gere hates Sarandon and lets her know that in no uncertain terms. She still wants to have sex with him. When he finally decides to end things with her, basically stating how much he hates her, Sarandon says she will kill him if she sees him again. Plot point! 

Meanwhile, while at her elicit movie, Keaton meets a sadsack played by an actor who embodies that term all too well, Wiilliam H. Macy. Seeing Macy crying his eyes out over whatever movie they were watching; Keaton takes pity to comfort him. This leads them to spend the evening together but not in the way you think. They do go and get a hotel but it's only so that they can watch TV, eat fried chicken, and talk about the misery of their loves with their miserable spouses. 

You get no points for guessing that Keaton's spouse is Gere and that Macy's spouse is Sarandon. Making this convoluted nonsense even more convoluted is the other plot of Maybe I Do. At a wedding between their closest friends, Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey appear to be a very happy couple. Then, Bracey sees Roberts about to catch the bouquet and he loses his ever-loving mind. Racing across the room, he leaps off of a table and catches the bouquet right out of his girlfriend's hands. 

Find my full length review linked here at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Ghosts of Monday

Ghosts of Monday (2023) 

Directed by Francesco Cinquemani 

Written by Francesco Cinquemani

Starring Mark Huberman, Julian Sands, Elva Trill, Joanna Fyllidou 

Release Date January 23rd, 2023 

Published 

A television producer travels to Cypress to make a reality show about a supposedly haunted hotel in the new horror thriller Ghosts of Monday. Julian Sands stars as the host of the documentary, a man desperate to see an actual ghost after years of documenting non-haunted hauntings. Mark Huberman is the documentarian, the man charged with keeping his host in line while also investigating any potential haunting. Naturally, this being a horror thriller, ghosts do start showing up. 

In the 80s and early 90s, Julian Sands was a much-respected leading man with international acclaim. It's been years since Sands has stood at the center of a film and Ghosts of Monday is a strong demonstration as to why. Sands is hammy and completely checked out throughout his short stint on screen. Early on, his character is shown to be a bit of a drinker and it's hard not to imagine that the actor was getting a tad bit method in his performance. That's one thing that might explain Sands' rather bad performance. 

Ghosts of Monday relies heavily on a creepy soundtrack filled with atonal shrieks and symphonic flourishes. It's not a great soundtrack but at least it's trying harder than the rest of the movie to be creepy. Most of Ghosts of Monday is stultifyingly mundane. Clues are given as to the nature of the haunting at the hotel, and the link one of the main characters has to the haunting, but these clues aren't particularly intriguing. The film employs some of the tricks of reality TV ghost hunting shows and that only serves to show how low rent the whole movie is.

When your movie has to borrow from YouTube ghost hunting channels to create even a notion of tension, it's not a good sign. The film's best asset is being only a few minutes longer than your average episode of a ghost hunting reality show on YouTube. At a slight 75 minutes with credits, Ghosts of Monday doesn't linger. That's the nicest thing I can say about the movie however as nothing about film ever rises to being more than passably, professional. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media