Movie Review Blind

Blind (2017) 

Directed by Michael Mailer 

Written by John Buffalo Mailer 

Starring Demi Moore, Alec Baldwin

Release Date July 14th, 2017 

In nearly 20 years as a film critic, I have seen more than my share of terrible movies. I have seen The Room without the Rifftrax commentary track. I sat all the way through The Happening with my mind reeling at the incompetence of M. Night shyamalan’s most incomprehensible work. And I have seen all the Transformers movies which should qualify me for some sort of movie critic combat pay. But in nearly 20 years I can genuinely say I have never seen anything quite like Blind.

Blind is a film of such remarkable, incomprehensible awfulness that it can comfortably stand alongside the oeuvre of Tommy Wiseau and not feel out of place. Directed by longtime producer and first-time director Michael Mailer, Blind takes very talented, formerly big name stars, Alec Baldwin and Demi Moore, and renders them as amateurs via a script, editing, and direction that could only kindly be described as amateurish at best, and blatantly, intentionally incompetent at worst.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The House

The House (2017) 

Directed by Andrew Jay Cohen

Written by Brendan O'Brien 

Starring Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Mantzoukas, Jeremy Renner, Nick Kroll 

Release Date June 30th, 2017

Oh, how I hate The House! This one note joke of a comedy about morons trying to send their daughter to an upscale college is an embarrassing and sad mess. Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler star in The House as a married couple about to empty their nest when they send their daughter off to Bucknell University. However, when they lose out on their daughter’s scholarship due to a scheme by a corrupt city council member (Nick Kroll) they are forced into criminal behavior to make their daughter’s college dream come true.

Ferrell and Poehler play Scott and Kate, a married couple with the believability and romantic chemistry of a brother and sister. With no options to send their daughter to college they decide to take up their friend Frank’s advice and join him in running an illegal casino out of his mini suburban mansion. Playing off the cliché that the house always wins they set out to steal the money of their neighborhood friends who are so eager to break the monotony of suburbia that they don’t mind losing loads of money to do it.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Lost World Jurassic Park

The Lost World Jurassic Park (1997) 

Directed by Steven Spielberg 

Written by David Koepp 

Starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Vince Vaughn, Pete Postlethwaite 

Release Date May 23rd, 1997 

Published June 12th, 2023 

The Lost World Jurassic Park fails to recapture the magic and wonder of the original. Why? That kind of lightning in a bottle is simply hard to catch a second time. With no Sam Neil, no Laura Dern, and only Jeff Goldblum returning, The Lost World Jurassic Park felt mercenary and obligatory. Someone at the studio backed several brinks trucks worth of cash at Steven Spielberg's door, promised him he could make any movie he wanted, but only if he delivered another dino-blockbuster. Unlike the wide-eyed wonder of Jurassic Park, The Lost World Jurassic Park plays like a market tested blockbuster more interested in reaching four audience quadrants than satisfyingly entertaining the people who made up those quadrants. 

That said, this is Steven Spielberg so the movie isn't as bad as it could be. Spielberg is far too good of a director to make a genuinely bad film. Rather, this is the rare soulless Spielberg effort. It's a Spielberg movie where you can sense his heart isn't completely in it. There is a great visual gag in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back where the titular heroes visit the set of a Scream sequel. There, we find director Wes Craven not paying attention to directing and instead counting his money and telling his actress, Shannen Doherty, to do whatever she wants. That's how I picture Spielberg except, instead of counting his money, he's paying for a different and far better movie to start production while he occasionally tells his actors to run. 

The Lost World Jurassic Park begins by telling us that billionaire John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) has learned nothing from his Jurassic Park experience. He has another island full of dinosaurs and sees them as his ticket to get his dream of Jurassic Park back on track. Hammond calls upon Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to help him by going to this island and certifying that the dinosaurs are safe and accounted for on this new island. Dr. Malcolm refuses the lucrative offer until Hammond tells him that Malcolm's girlfriend, Dr. Sarah Harding (Julianne Moore), is already on the island. 

Malcolm takes the offer from Hammond but not to co-sign a new park. Malcolm is going to this new island on a rescue mission. Along for the ride are a guide, Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff) and a hotshot photographer, and greenpeace activist, Nick Van Owen (Vince Vaughn). Once on the island, they must try to find Sarah while also trying not to become dinner for the burgeoning new wildlife. Soon after this however, they will find themselves having to compete to save the dinosaurs from Hammond's idiot nephew, Peter Ludlow (Arliss Howard), and a big game hunter played by Pete Postelthwaite. 

The trailer back in 1997 carried a very big spoiler: The dinosaurs, at least one of them, the fearsome T-Rex, is coming to America. Commercials and trailers touted a dinosaur raging through city streets. This revealed further just how mercenary the whole effort was. The T-Rex doesn't arrive in America until the 3rd act and revealing that this dangerous dinosaur was going to rage through the streets of San Diego rather harms any chance of building tension and suspense as to where the movie was going to go. It's a great visual but spoiling it in the trailer made it very clear that The Lost World Jurassic Park was more of a marketing campaign than a movie. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Adventures in Babysitting

Adventures in Babysitting (1987) 

Directed by Chris Columbus 

Written by David Simkins

Starring Elisabeth Shue, Keith Coogan, Anthony Rapp, Maia Brewton 

Release Date July 3rd 1987

This weekend a minor 80’s gem turns 30 years old with little fanfare but plenty of positive memories, especially for young girls. Adventures in Babysitting is a lovely little 80’s nostalgia piece that, though some of its unintended politics haven’t aged well, the film’s silly little heart was always in the right place and that’s more than can be said about most 80’s teen comedies.

Adventures in Babysitting casts the winning and refreshing young Elizabeth Shue who gets roped into babysitting for The Anderson family after her no-goodnik boyfriend (Bradley Whitford) breaks off their date to a fancy restaurant. Having nothing better to do, Chris accepts the babysitting money to sit with Sara (Maia Brewton) and Brad (Keith Coogan), a boy two years younger than Chris and nursing a years long infatuation with her.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Despicable Me 3

Despicable Me 3 (2017)

Directed by Pierre Coffin, Kyle Balda

Written by Cinco Paul, Ken Daurio 

Starring Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Trey Parker, Miranda Cosgrove, Jenny Slate, Julie Andrews 

Release Date June 30th, 2017 

Despicable Me 3 is so wildly mediocre, so achingly adequate, and so puzzlingly prosaic, I can barely bring myself to write about it. In all honesty, I have spent more research time for this review googling synonyms for mediocre than I have considering anything related to the production of Despicable Me 3. The latest bit of barely above average animation from the company Illumination is so very much just OK that just trying to find the energy to type words about it is taxing.

Despicable Me 3 picks up the story of former super-villain Gru (Steve Carell) as he continues his career as a newly formed hero. Alongside his now wife Lucy (Kristen Wiig), Gru is hot on the trail of the newest super-villain, a stuck in the 80’s former child star named Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker), who uses gum and rubix cubes as super-weapons. It’s a clever idea for about 5 or 6 minutes and then it becomes tiresome and then forgettable.

Ah but don’t worry, Despicable Me 3 has a second uninspired plot. In this one we find that Gru has a twin brother named Dru. The joke of Dru is that he’s in good shape, has hair, and is bad at crime. That’s it, that’s the joke. On top of that, we’re supposed to find it hilarious when Gru’s mother cruelly hides his brother from him before telling him that he was her second pick. Hilarious familial cruelty you guys! Oh, and Gru’s mom is an old perv with two male swim coaches she leers at creepily, you know, to entertain the kids. (Yes, I remember that joke has been in the other films; it was creepy and unfunny then as well.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park (1993) 

Directed by Steven Spielberg 

Written by Michael Crichton, David Koepp 

Starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough 

Release Date June 11th, 1993 

Published June 12th, 1993 

To say that Jurassic Park was ahead of its time in film technique would be an understatement. Somehow, Steven Spielberg made a massive CGI world come to life that still looks good today compared to much more expensive movies that came after it. Spielberg's dinosaurs of 1993 are, for me, more appealing than anything created since by his peers such as George Lucas or James Cameron. Spielberg's magical realism, the grounded story he tells about humans and dinosaurs, is filled with wonders that Lucas and Cameron forego in favor of spectacle. 

Spielberg still believed in actors and performances while Lucas and Cameron appeared to feel that actors got in the way of their vision. Spielberg never lost sight of what truly compels an audience, characters they can relate to, fear for, and root for. In selecting his cast for Jurassic Park he didn't choose giant movie stars, he chose people who were well known for their skillful acting. Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum, the core of the Jurassic Park cast, were actors first and movie stars a distant second. 

Spielberg needed their skillful performances to truly give life to the monsters he was using CGI to bring to life. It would be mildly impressive to see the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park on their own but the dinosaurs take on a greater sense of wonder when actors are able to convince you that the dinosaur is in front of them. The wonder and excitement of these performers is truly what gives life to the CGI creations of Spielberg's brilliant behind the scenes team. 

Jurassic Park kicks off on a horror movie cliché. A black actor is tasked with letting the monstrous T-Rex out of its cage and, in unfortunate horror movie fashion, the black guy dies first. I'm not calling the scene racist, it's not really my place to make that judgment. I'm merely pointing out one well worn trope that was strangely present throughout the history of horror and monster movies. And, make no mistake about it, while I am not sure I would call Jurassic Park a horror movie, it's most certainly a monster movie. 

Dinosaurs in Spielberg's universe, especially the vicious raptors and the horrifying T-Rex, are introduced in classic monster movie fashion. Much the way that Godzilla and his cadre of fellow movie monsters are introduced in their films, Spielberg establishes his monsters as dangerous killers, slows down to show us how beautiful his monsters can be, and then unleashes the monsters upon his heroic human characters. The nature of the suspense of Jurassic Park is no different than the nature of the suspense of 1950s drive-in monster movies that you can easily imagine Spielberg himself having enjoyed. 

Spielberg is undoubtedly making a drive in monster movie, he's just doing it with modern tools unavailable to the forgotten generation of monster movie makers who delighted drive-in audiences of the 50s with the unforgettable sight of giant spiders, aliens, and gorillas. Godzilla is owed a debt as is King Kong who was the T-Rex of 1933, impressing audiences then just as Spielberg's fearsome dinosaur impressed us in 1933. Jurassic Park is a great improvement over the monster movies of the past but Spielberg is also fearlessly paying homage to movies that he grew up with and help generations fall in love with the spectacle of going to the movies. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review Transformers Rise of the Beasts

Transformers Rise of the Beasts (2023) 

Directed by Stephen Caple Jr. 

Written by Joby Harold, Daniel Metayer, Josh Peters, Erich Hoeber, Jon Hoeber 

Starring Anthony Ramos, Dominque Fishback, Pete Davidson, Peter Cullen 

Release Date June 9th, 2023 

Published June 9th, 2023 

I'm going to make a strange comparison but here, but hear me out: Transformers is basically, The Little Mermaid market tested for boys. That's not to say that either is gender exclusive, rather merely that the market testing will tend to find the chaotic silliness of Transformers has more appeal among young boys than it does among young girls. Young girls meanwhile, prefer the colorful magic and music of The Little Mermaid to the clattering cacophony of chaos that makes up the Transformers franchise. 

It helps both films that the intended audiences for each film have not reached their full intellectual development. I'm of the belief that anyone who has reached mental maturity really doesn't enjoy the Transformers movie but rather, are tolerant of its existence. As long as their are children who delight over the silliness of Robots who turn into cars, there will always be an audience for the Transformers. Whether that is a good or bad thing is wholly subjective. 

Transformers Rise of the Beasts tells the story of creatures called Maximals. They have a key to a portal between universes and their home world is destroyed by a giant planet eating robot that wants the portal key in order to reach other planets to eat. Naturally, the Maximals bring their super dangerous portal key to Earth where, millions of years later, the planet eating robot guy sends his minions to retrieve the portal key and kill anything that gets in their way. 

The portal key is discovered on Earth by a museum intern with big dreams of being an archaeologist. Dominique Fishback plays the wide-eyed and curious intern, Elena, who will prove pivotal to protecting the Earth from the robot invaders. The evil robots have a name of some sort but my brain refused to retain that. Elena will soon be partnered with would be criminal and former good guy soldier, Noah (Anthony Ramos). Noah has somehow become partnered with the Transformers and is searching for the portal key on behalf of Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen). 

If you haven't lost interest yet, good for you. I checked out around the time I heard the name 'Maximals.' I understand that some of you may have a nostalgic connection to the robot-animal hybrid. I'm told that the Maximals had their own cartoon show that was popular at one time. That's great, I don't relate to that at all. I played with Transformers as a kid and I think there were  animal Transformers when I was into the toys, but I don't really remember. I stopped caring about Transformers years ago. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Three of Hearts

Three of Hearts (1993) 

Directed by Yurek Bogayevicz 

Writtten by Adam Greenman, Mitch Glazer 

Starring Kelly Lynch, Billy Baldwin, Sherilyn Fenn, Joe Pantoliano 

Release Date April 30th, 1993 

Published June 8th, 2023 

Going into rewatching 1993's Three of Hearts for the new Everyone's a Critic 1993 podcast, I was concerned how a movie about a lesbian trying to gaslight her ex-girlfriend into coming back to her, via a straight, male, sex-worker, might not have aged well three decades later. I need not have worried. Three of Hearts would have to develop a pulse to be offensive. This non-entity of a rom-com is dimwitted, lazy and ill-conceived. Yes, based on the premise, it's a little offensive as well but not memorably or interestingly so. 

Three of Hearts stars Kelly Lynch as heartbroken Dr. Connie Czapski. Lynch's conception of a lesbian is wearing a leather jacket and a doo-rag. That's about as offensive the movie gets, even its stereotypes are lazy. Connie is heartbroken because her college professor girlfriend, Ellen (Sherilyn Fenn) has dumped her and may not, in fact, be gay at all. She says she doesn't regret her relationship with Connie per se, but she confesses to not being the conception of gay that Connie envisions for her. Whatever that means. 

In an effort to win Ellen back, Connie comes up with a bizarre plan. Needing a date to a wedding where she's playing the role of closeted lesbian, she hires a sex worker to be her date. Billy Baldwin co-stars as the sex worker, Joe Casella. Joe's primary business is sleeping with lonely older women, often married women tired of their boring old husbands or wealthy widows living high off of their insurance settlements. Keeping Joe in touch with new clients is his pal, and pimp, Mickey (Joe Pantoliano). 

The date goes well, Joe charms Connie's family and while he can't get Connie into bed, she's still gay, she does like Joe and it inspires a scheme. She will hire Joe, and give him a place to live, if he seduces and destroys her ex-girlfriend. Connie's assumption is that if Ellen gets her heart broken by a handsome guy, she will come running back to her. The plan, of course, backfires. Joe begins to fall in love with Ellen and Connie... well, she disappears for a while as the movie shoehorns a mob story into the plot. 

Joe has, apparently, been seeing the wife of a gangster while said gangster was in prison. The gangster is out of prison now and looking to take revenge on the man who was sleeping with his wife. For a while, Mickey is able to keep the heat off of Joe but when Joe tells Mickey he wants to get out of being a gigolo, Mickey lets the mobster have Joe and Joe is nearly beaten to death, saved only by Connie's quick thinking after she's randomly brought into this plot in the third act. 

Three of Hearts was infamous at the time of its release after co-star Sherilyn Fenn began speaking out about mistreatment on the set. Fenn claimed that director Yurek Bogayevicz was openly angry with her for not wanting to strip down for the part. Fenn was already going to be quite nude in another 1993 release, Boxing Helena and had been topless in a forgettable horror movie called Meridian: Kiss of the Beast and she was worried about being typecast for sexy roles. Her reticence to take off her clothes boiled over on the set and may have contributed to several rewrites of the script during production. 

Beyond that, Three of Hearts is a desperately mundane and oddly crafted rom-com-drama. The movie is never funny but it doesn't have the weight to be dramatic. It just sort of lays there and enacts a plot that never comes to life. As with many movies of the time period, no one seems concerned about the actual ugliness of the plot at hand. A woman attempts to destroy her girlfriend emotionally and trick her to coming back to her. There is a dark streak of homophobia at play there and, in general, it's just an ugly plot all around. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Classic Movie Review Sliver

Sliver (1993) 

Directed by Phillip Noyce 

Written by Joe Esterhas

Starring Sharon Stone, Billy Baldwin, Tom Berenger

Release Date May 21st, 1993 

Published June 8th, 2023 

Why is the movie Sliver called Sliver? I believe it's the name of the building where the movie is set but that is such a tossed off mention that I am genuinely uncertain. I can extrapolate that it is a loose metaphor for the films central relationship between Sharon Stone and Billy Baldwin. By that I mean, he is someone who can painfully get under her skin, like a sliver. Get it? That's not explicit in the text of Sliver, but it's the best that I have been able to come up with. I spent a lot of time thinking about the title, Sliver, while watching the movie Sliver, because thinking about the title was more entertaining. 

Sliver is a softcore thriller with the pretense of being a high minded drama. Director Phillip Noyce and writer Joe Esterhas seem to think they have something to say about voyeurism and sexuality but it is clear where their prurient interests truly lie. They want to watch very attractive people have sex and they've made a movie to cover for their fetish. This was not an uncommon thing among male filmmakers at the time. In fact, movie covering for my fetish could be its very own sub-genre of 1990s cinema. 

Sliver stars Sharon Stone as Carly Norris, a rich book editor living in New York City. She jumps at the chance to move into a new apartment despite the apartment having a haunting past. A woman, who looks a lot like Carly, may or may not have been murdered in this very apartment by having been thrown off of the balcony. Oh well, look at all that natural light. New York real estate, am I right. If New Yorkers rejected every apartment where a murder occurred, there'd be few places to live. 

Carly moves in and it is zero minutes before creeps are breathing down her neck. First up is a famous author of 'erotic' thrillers, Jack Landsford (Tom Berenger). He's a former cop who uses his cases as inspiration for his creepy fantasies. So, he's a fan insert for Noyce and Esterhas. Perhaps its a case of Berenger being the stand in for who they really are while the other love interest, Billy Baldwin, is the fantasy of who the writer and director wish they were, a handsome and smooth talking ladies man who's still a major creep at heart. 

The central portion of Sliver is devoted to figuring out who killed that woman who lived in Carly's apartment. But that doesn't actually matter in the end. There are two major crimes happening and no one in Sliver is free from being implicated, aside from the beautiful, innocent, naive character played by Sharon Stone. You can see the flaws inherent in that right? Sharon Stone's talent is not necessarily playing either innocent or naive. That's no shade to Stone, she's just way too elegant and intelligent for the movie and character she's trapped within. 

The murder is just a red herring, a hook to draw you toward what is far more interesting and fetishistic for the writer and director, voyeurism. Billy Baldwin's creep character, Zeke Hawkins, is a secret billionaire who owns the building in which he, Carly and Berenger's creep writer lives. Zeke has installed cameras everywhere in the building, every apartment, every room, especially in the bathrooms. He spends his days sitting in his command center penthouse watching everyone all the time. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media 

Classic Movie Review Boiling Point

Boiling Point (1993) 

Directed by James B. Harris 

Written by James B. Harris 

Starring Wesley Snipes, Dennis Hopper, Viggo Mortensen 

Release Date April 16th, 1993

Published June 8th, 1993 

Sometimes the making of a movie is far more interesting than the movie being made. That is unquestionably true of the 1993 crime drama, Boiling Point. The film began life as an independent film character study of a pair of seedy criminals, one striving for a better life, the other a hothead determined to destroy them both. A small part of that story was about the cop searching for both of these criminals as tension reaches a boiling point and they collide in a tragic series of events. 

That's what Boiling Point was meant to be with Dennis Hopper playing a seasoned criminal low life with dreams of getting out alive and making a life for himself. Viggo Mortensen played the doomed hotheaded young criminal whose attraction to violence would be the downfall of both men. Wesley Snipes was to be the cop looking to arrest the two for killing a fellow cop in the midst of a robbery gone terribly, horribly wrong. 

Then, something happened. As the film was being completed, Wesley Snipes became one of the hottest stars in Hollywood. Seeing that they had a chance to turn this cheap independent thriller into a box office bonanza on the back of one of the hottest stars in Hollywood, producers and studio execs demanded rewrites and reshoots to beef up Snipes role from a relatively minor supporting role to a presence they could promote in marketing the film. 

This is all very obvious in the final Frankenstein's monster of a movie that is Boiling Point. Most scenes featuring Wesley Snipes have him interacting with people other than Hopper and Mortensen. Most of Mortensen's performance, including most of the depth of the character, has been excised to make room for more scenes featuring Wesley Snipes. Snipes's reshot scenes are clumsily sewn into the movie and rarely add any depth to the main story which still centers on Hopper's criminal trying and failing to be a better person. 

Rather than the wild-eyed monster that Hopper would play in other villainous roles, his character in Boiling Point is a pathetic, fast-talking sadsack. He's a man who is desperate to escape his circumstances and when he sees a potential payday that could be the key to his happy ever after, he risks everything to get there. It's clear that there was an important subplot involving Hopper and Valerie Perrine who plays his ex-wife. Wanting to win her back, despite a history that includes violent abuse, is a big motivation for Hopper's character. But, as the movie shoved in more about Snipes, we got less of Perrine. 

There are numerous examples of how executives cut up and rejiggered Boiling Point to capitalize on Wesley Snipes. The most glaring example is how Snipes rarely shares a scene with any of the rest of the cast, including Hopper and Mortensen. The only tangible link between Snipes and the rest of the movie comes from a reshot subplot in which Snipes' cop and a sex worker played by Lolita Davidovich, have an affair while she acts as a street informant for Snipes. She's also seeing Hopper's character as a client, but this somehow never becomes important to the plot. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Benny & Joon

Benny & Joon (1993) 

Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik 

Written by Barry Berman 

Starring Aiden Quinn, Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson, Julianne Moore 

Release Date April 23rd, 1993 

Published June 7th, 1993 

When Johnny Depp took on the role of looney romantic hero Sam in Benny & Joon he'd been engaged in a desperate effort to abandon the Teen Beat, leading man personas that Hollywood was attempting to impose upon him. Having become a teen idol on the teen cop show 21 Jumpstreet, Depp found the Hollywood spotlight for too overwhelming and limiting to his talent. Thus he set out to take roles that would defy expectations and reshape his career the way he wanted it. 

This upending of expectations started in 1990 when Depp starred in the wild and wonderful John Waters indie flick, Crybaby. No one in Hollywood wanted one of the biggest heartthrobs in the world to work with John Waters and that's likely part of what drove Depp directly into the embrace of Waters and his wild 50s aesthete and outre humor. That same year, he defied expectations in the mainstream as well with an entirely unglamorous, but slightly more commercial friendly film, Edward Scissorhands. 

Depp took that role specifically because he got to wear a lot of makeup and prosthetics and Hollywood marketers could not market the film based on his looks. This defiance of expectations continued as Depp took 1992 off and rejected high profile roles in blockbuster features. When he did decide to work again, he chose yet another defiantly odd and unconventional role. Despite still being one of the most sought after leading men in Hollywood, Depp accepted a supporting role in Benny & Joon while turning down the leading man role in the eventual blockbuster, Indecent Proposal. 

The gamble paid off as Depp delivers some of his most charming and dynamic work in the role of Sam, even as he's not the leading man. Sam is a wildly unconventional bohemian film lover whose persona is based on silent film heroes such as Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. Depp takes this idea of a character and fills out the character with a mostly silent, terrifically physical performance. It's a role that threatens to be a little too twee, but Depp brings depth to the character by making the most of the few lines of dialogue the character has. 

The Benny & Joon of the title are brother and sister, Benny played by Aiden Quinn, and Joon, played by Mary Stuart Masterson. Benny is the responsible older brother who owns a business and cares for his sister and her unspecified medical condition. Joon is an artist who is prone to manic episodes, depression, and jumble of other mental health afflictions that seem to indicate that she suffers from either Schizophrenia or is merely on the autism spectrum. It's a bit nebulous but the film is delicate about Joon's condition which helps keep it from being overly problematic. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Dave

Dave (1993) 

Directed by Ivan Reitman

Written by Gary Ross

Starring Kevin Kline, Sigourney Weaver, Frank Langella, Kevin Dunn, Ving Rhames, Ben Kingsley 

Release Date May 7th, 1993 

Published June 7th, 2023 

Dave is one of the nicest movies ever made. This is such a good hearted, sweet, sincere movie that it feels entirely anachronistic a mere 30 years after its release. Politics in America has gotten so much uglier, nastier, and mean over the last 3 decades that Dave feels like a throwback to the 1930s rather than the 1990s. In Dave, politics is still filled with pit vipers and vile men with self-interested aims, but good is seemingly on an equal footing with the bad guy and more than capable of defeating the bad. 

That feels quaint today where it's nearly impossible to believe in or remotely trust anyone in an elected office. In 1993 director Ivan Reitman and writer Gary Ross were able to get away with making a political movie that never once mentions a party affiliation. The film is about the United States President and yet we never learn if he is a Republican or Democrat. The politics are able to somehow be so fuzzy that it could be either party in charge. This would be considered cowardice in this day and age and Reitman and Ross would be castigated by both sides. 

Dave is perhaps one of the last signposts of a pre-internet era of politics, a time where the lack of a constant need to feed the beast that is social media, allowed for the kind of political crossroads that seem impossible today. In the pre-internet era, parties crossed over party lines to vote what they believed in. Today, party lines are so strict, members are rumored to be leaving their party if they even consider voting against the party line agenda. The politics of Dave are, of course, secondary to the humorous conceit and central romance of the movie but it's still quite a notable indicator of just how far things have changed for the worse in Washington D.C. 

Dave stars Kevin Kline as Dave, the friendliest man in his neighborhood. When he isn't finding a job for everyone he's ever met via his temp business, Dave is opening restaurants and car dealerships portraying the President of the United States, President William Harrison Mitchell (also played by Kline), with whom he shares a striking resemblance. That resemblance is soon noticed by the White House who draft Dave to portray a Presidential double to protect the President as he leaves for a secret meeting. What Dave doesn't know, but we do, is that this meeting is actually an affair with his secretary, played by a young Laura Linney. 

Full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review Life With Mikey

Life With Mikey (1993) 

Directed by James Lapine

Written by Marc Lawrence 

Starring Michael J. Fox, Christina Vidal, Nathan Lane, Cyndi Lauper 

Release Date June 4th, 1993 

Published June 6th, 1993 

Michael J. Fox is a movie star. That's both a factual statement and an opinion that I can back up with evidence from his 1993 starring role in Life With Mikey. This is an objectively terrible movie. It has no third act. The film repeats the same comic beats over and over again. It's sloppy and lacking in conflict. And yet, I do not hate this movie. On top of being objectively not good, Life With Mikey is somehow a breezy watch that lands a few big laughs. It's wildly watchable and that is ONLY due to the star presence of Michael J. Fox. Only an actor as charming and likable as Michael J. Fox can make you forget you are watching a terrible movie. 

In Life with Mikey, Michael J. Fox stars as world class failure, Mike Chapman. A former child star, famous for his TV hi-jinks as TV's Mikey, Mike is a lonely bachelor and screw-up whose life is made possible by his past fame and the benevolence of his brother and business partner, Ed, played by Nathan Lane. Together, Ed and Mike run a child talent agency. Well, Ed runs the business, Mike shows up late and nearly costs the business its biggest client, the so-called 'Cereal King,' Barry Corman (David Krumholz). Ed is constantly putting out Mikey's many fires. 

The plot of Life with Mikey, such as it is, kicks off when a 12 year old girl steals Mike's wallet. Angie Vega (Christina Vidal) is a well practiced young pick-up artist capable of turning on the charm or the waterworks when she gets caught picking a pocket. Witnessing Angie try and talk her way out of being caught stealing a wallet, Mike is convinced that Angie would make an incredible actress. After helping her escape with a few wallets in her bag, including Mike's, Mike convinces Angie to give acting a try. She agrees and lands the job at her very first audition. 

This is what I was talking about when I mentioned that there is no conflict in Life with Mikey. She gets the first job she goes for. She is great at being a spokesperson for a cookie company. The company makes money. Things are good. A conflict seems to arise when the cookie company becomes irrationally angry over not knowing that Angie's dad is still alive. She had claimed that her father was dead. Her father, played in a cameo by Ruben Blades, instead of being upset that his daughter is spending time, including staying in the home, of a complete stranger, proceeds to thank Mike for getting his daughter into acting and taking good care of her. 

Yeah, by all evidence, Mike is a decent guy who does nice things for this littler girl. But, she's also a child stranger who does have a family, a deeply unfortunate and dysfunctional family, but a family nevertheless. It's bizarre how normal the movie thinks it is for a child to just start living with a single adult man she barely knows. And then, the movie has her father, a recovering addict, take this information in stride and thank this stranger for caring for his daughter. Yeah, this plot is just nothing but red flags that the makers of Life with Mikey present with zero comment or observation. 

Problematic barely begins to cover this plot. And yet, I willfully pushed past this very obvious problem with this movie because Michael J. Fox is so charming. He's Michael J. Fox, he's so warm and likable. He's playing a slob and a smoker in Life with Mikey and I didn't buy him as either a smoker or a slob but it didn't matter, I just really enjoy watching Michael J. Fox banter with a street smart little kid. It's adorable and their chemistry is terrific. They have conflicting personalities and their clashes in style are really the only tension in this mostly tension free comedy. 

Full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Boogeyman (1980)

The Boogeyman (1980) 

Directed by Ullli Lommel 

Written by Ulli Lommel 

Starring Suzanna Love, Nicholas Love, John Carradine

Release Date November 14th, 1980 

Published June 6th, 2023 

I often find myself fascinated by the rudimentary elements of filmmaking. There are very basic things that a director must be able to accomplish in order to achieve a level of professionalism and competence. Director Ulli Lommel demonstrates a level of professionalism and competence in The Boogeyman, at least in the first to scenes in the film, the best scenes in the film. Beyond that, he's a crazy person who crafted a bizarre screenplay, much of which feels as if he was whipping it up on set as the film were being made in a slapdash attempt to meet some arbitrary filming deadline. 

The Boogeyman opens on a visually striking set piece. An older woman is lying on a couch and calling for her lover. He approaches and she proceeds to place her stocking over his head. At this point, we glimpse two children outside the window of the home. Through visual and context clues, it's clear that these two children belong to this woman, and she has left them outside of the home specifically so that she can be alone with this man. Seeing the children through the window infuriates the man and he proceeds to punish the older brother. 

He ties the boy to a bed, and this leads to a terrific series of horror visuals. The little sister, all of three years old, goes to the kitchen and finds a very large knife on the counter. The knife catches the moonlight and the incongruousness of a small girl, and a large knife provides a terrific horror movie shock. From there, we see the knife again as the little girl stands in her brother's doorway. For a moment, we wonder if she's about to murder him. Instead, she cuts her brother loose and hands over the knife to him. This leads to a sequence where the camera takes the position of the boy as he walks down the hallway. 

We see his arm as if it were our own. He walks down the hall to his mother's bedroom where she and the man, still wearing a stocking on his head, are about to make love. The boy proceeds to murder this man, stabbing him repeatedly in the back. I believe that this is a terrific sequence. It's followed by another basic and formal bit of visual storytelling. The story leaps ahead in time. We know this because the visual style, the cinematography is brighter and more modern. Our main clue however to this shift in time is a very simple pan across a crowd inside a church. 

Immediately following the murder, we are thrust to a new location, a cemetery. The camera flashes across several gravestones before coming to rest on a church where the sound of the scene is coming from. We jump cut inside and listen to the Priest delivering a sermon. The camera watches the Priest briefly before beginning a slow pan over the crowd at the church. This is a well done and yet incredibly basic bit of film language. As a trained audience member, we know that when the camera stops, it will stop on the protagonists of the film. It's something we all know instinctively and is rarely thought of or pondered. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media

Horror in the 90s Arachnophobia

Arachnophobia (1990) 

Directed by Frank Marshall

Written by Don Jakoby, Wesley Strick 

Starring Jeff Daniels, Harley Jane Kozak, Julian Sands, John Goodman 

Release Date July 18th, 1990 

Box Office Gross $53.2 million 

Arachnophobia exists in two popular horror sub-genre: Man vs Nature and the Monster Movie. A new breed of spider is located by an arrogant scientist who believes he can control this uncontrollable element of nature that he hubristically believes that he has mastered. The monster movie then comes into play when the scientists creation gets away from him and begins to wreak havoc in a small time while working to perpetuate its species to take over the planet, essentially, the Americas at the very least. 

If you are skeptical that spiders could be considered monsters in a monster movie, you underestimate the talent of director Frank Marshall and his cast. Indeed, Arachnophobia functions as a movie that could induce a lifelong phobia of spiders, arachnophobia of the title. It's so effective at making spiders a horror movie monster that I honestly would not recommend showing this movie to children. I would especially not recommend this movie for anyone who already harbors a fear of spiders as this movie will only exacerbate that condition. 

Arachnophobia stars Jeff Daniels as a doctor who has moved his family, including his wife, played by Harley Jane Kozak, and their two kids, to a small town in California. Dr. Ross Jennings (Daniels) has been promised the role of the only doctor in this small town but things do not go as planned from the start. The elderly doctor he was supposed to replace has now refused to retire and Dr. Jennings' new home in the country is a money pit with termites and a crumbling infrastructure. 

Unbeknownst to everyone in this otherwise idyllic small town, a dangerously poisonous Brazilian spider has hitched a ride with a corpse to the local funeral home. Having killed a photographer working with Dr. James Atherton (Julian Sands) in Brazil, the spider, that Dr. Atherton had assured us was dead, arrives in this small town and finds its way to the barn owned by Dr. Jennings where it cross-breeds with a local spider and begins to create a mutated version of itself that is so deadly its population could wipe out North America in a period of months. 

Thus it falls to Dr. Jennings to first discover that we are indeed dealing with a killer Spider and then, in the final act, to have a face to face fight with the Spider Queen over the massive egg sack the Queen has laid in Dr. Jennings' new wine cellar. Did you know that wine is not flammable? Neither did this movie which seems to think Wine is an accelerant. Anyway, that aside, Arachnophobia has some silly elements but one thing the film gets right is the staging of spider attacks that kill character actors. 

Characters actors James Handy, Kathy Kinney, Henry Jones and Mary Carver each appear in remarkably well-staged scenes where they are menaced by little spiders. These scenes are filled with genuine tension via simple, classic, filmic technique. Good choices in the editing bay and in the staging of each scene create a genuine tension while the familiar and kind faces of these character actors, people you've seen even if you don't recognize their name, add tension because we don't want to see them be killed by spiders. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review The Boogeyman

The Boogeyman (2023) 

Directed by Rob Savage 

Written by Scott Beck, Bryan Woods, Mark Heyman

Starring Sophie Thatcher, Chris Messina, Vivian Lyra Blair, David Dastmalchian 

Release Date June 2nd, 2023 

Published June 5th, 2023 

As I write this, I saw the new horror film, The Boogeyman, two days ago and I am struggling to remember anything about it. This could, perhaps, be a mental breakdown on my part, but my working theory is that The Boogeyman is such a boring movie that my mind didn't bother to find anything worth remembering about it. There is not a single original moment in the entirety of The Boogeyman. There is not a single memorable sequence that could make this movie worth remembering after you see it. The Boogeyman is so bland and generic it could be retitled as Nightmare Man and re-released to theaters and few people would notice or care. 

The Boogeyman stars a lovely young actress named Sophie Thatcher as Sadie Harper. Sadie and her little sister, Sawyer (Vivian Lyra Brown), are grieving the very recent loss of their mother. Chris Messina plays their distant and equally grieving father, Will. Will is terrified of being a single dad to two frightened and traumatized young girls so he throws himself back into his work as a psychiatrist while avoiding any kind of serious conversation with his children, especially Sadie who tries and fails to get him to open up. 

The plot kicks in when a deeply haunted and disturbed patient forces his way into Will's office. The patient is Lester Billings (David Dastmalchian), a man who is believed by many to have murdered his two children. Billings however, claims that a monster killed his kids. This monster attacks your children while you aren't paying attention. It also feeds on vulnerable children, kids who have, perhaps, suffered a very recent and painful trauma. You can see where this is headed. The curse that this haunted man carries attaches itself to Sadie and Sawyer and it will be up to Sadie to save her sister from this monster that comes to be known as The Boogeyman. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) 

Directed by Joaquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers, Justin K. Thompson 

Written by Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, David Callahan 

Starring Shameik Moore, Bryan Tyree Henry, Jake Johnson, Oscar Isaac, Hailee Steinfeld 

Release Date June 2nd, 2023 

Published June 2nd, 2023 

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is a gorgeous piece of animation. It's a visionary work in the feature animation realm, a treat for the eyes. The innovative style of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse evolves here into brilliant new combinations of art styles and storytelling adventure. It's exciting to watch as the artists behind Spidey press the boundaries of what we can expect from an animated feature. That alone would be worth the price of admission but thanks to the work of writers Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, and David Callahan, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is far more than just gorgeous to look at. 

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse opens on Spider-Girl, Gwen Stacy (Hailee Steinfeld). She misses the friends she made when portals opened between worlds in Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. Worse however, is the fate of her best friend, Peter Parker, who, Gwen's world was a picked on pipsqueak who tried to change his lot in life through science. Peter dies in an accident at prom after his transformative medicine turns him into a monster and Gwen/Spider-Girl is forced to fight him to protect their classmates. His death happens just as Gwen's cop-dad arrives and sees Spider-Girl standing over Peter's fallen body. He assumes that she killed him. 

This scene is soon followed by the attack of a new and desperately out of place villain, a version of The Vulture, but not one from this universe. Someone or something is tearing new holes in the fabric of the universe and villains are bungling their way through to unfamiliar universes. Unbeknownst to Gwen, Spider-people from other universes are being brought together to try and repair the multiverse and via Spider-Woman (Issa Rae), and the leader of this group, Miguel (Oscar Isaac), Gwen is recruited to help save the multiverse. 

This is Gwen's chance to reconnect with her friend, Miles Morales (Shameik Moore). Miles has grown a few inches since the last time they saw each other but other than that, he's the same awkward, sweet, kind and strong young man she first met. Miles is dealing with school and his parents and a new villain who may be the key to why the multiverse is in grave danger. A villain calling himself The Spot (Jason Schwartzman) is found by Miles while attempting to steal an ATM from a bodega. The Spot has the ability to open tiny portals that he can climb through and arrive at different locations. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Champions

Champions (2023) 

Directed by Bobby Farrelly 

Written by Mark Rizzo 

Starring Woody Harrelson, Kaitlin Olson, Ernie Hudson 

Release Date March 10th, 2023 

Published March 5th, 2023 

It's a tricky thing, representation in modern media. On the one hand, you want that representation to be sensitive and compassionate. On the other hand, you need to draw in some flaws that make your characters more human being than saints of proper representation. The new movie Champions brings forward strong representation of a community of intellectually disabled people while still making them human and flawed. Director Bobby Farelly takes great care not to let these characters be simplistic, safe representations of their community, but rather well rounded, unique and quite charming individuals. 

Champions stars Woody Harrelson as disgraced basketball coach, Marcus Marakovich, Marcus managed to destroy his entire career in a single night, though those who know him well, like his boss, Phil (Ernie Hudson), know this has been coming on for some time. Nevertheless, in this one night, Marcus manages to shove Phil on the court in front of a large crowd and many cameras before getting thrown out of the building. Then Marcus gets drunk, drives, and smashes into the back of a cop car. He's officially fired the following day. 

In court, Marcus narrowly avoids a prison sentence by accepting a community service assignment. Marcus will be the Coach of the Des Moines, Iowa Friends, a basketball team for the intellectually disabled. In classic movie fashion, it's a ragtag bunch for whom basketball is fun but mostly an excuse to spend time together. Marcus' notion of teaching fundamentals or plays such as the Pick & Roll, are lofty goals to say the least. Marcus can't even get one of his players to stop shooting the ball by throwing it backwards over his head. 

There is nothing special about Marcus' character arc. Marcus is here to go from being a guy who doesn't connect with the members of his team on a human level to someone who loves his players as people more than just players. There is also a typical sports movie plot unfolding with the Friends getting so good under Marcus' leadership that they earn their way to the Special Olympics basketball championship. These are tried and true tropes, relatively predictable. Thankfully, as a veteran filmmaker, and quite a good one, Bobby Farrelly knows he needs to color in the margins of this plot to make something more of it. 

Thus Farrelly includes a very not typical romance between Harrelson's Marcus and the sister of one of his new players, Alex, played by Kaitlin Olson. Farrelly subverts convention, ever so slightly, by having Marcus and Alex meet before the story begins. The film opens with Marcus and Alex finishing a rather forgettable Tinder hook up with him trying to get her to leave and her eagerly trying to leave. Olson's Alex is not the kind of character that typically comes back in a movie like this. Usually, this character is a functional character, one to demonstrate the lack of character in our main character, a lesson they need to learn about being a better, more thoughtful or caring person. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review The Jesus Revolution

The Jesus Revolution (2023) 

Directed by Jon Erwin, Brent McCorkle 

Written by Jon Gunn, Jon Erwin 

Starring Kelsey Grammer, Joel Courtney, Anna Grace Barlow, Jonathan Roumie 

Release Date February 24th, 2023 

Published February 19th, 2023 

The Jesus Revolution is a violently mediocre movie. Based loosely on a true story about hippies who found religion in California in the late 1960s, The Jesus Revolution positions, of all people, Kelsey Grammer, as the open armed preacher who welcomes hippies to his church. To say that's not who Kelsey Grammer is publicly is a bit of an understatement, a hippie loving, all-inclusive, kind of guy is not who Kelsey Grammer is and he doesn't really have the range to make you buy in on this persona. 

The Jesus Revolution stars Kelsey Grammer as Pastor Chuck Smith. Pastor Chuck's parish is nearly empty. There appear to be about 10 people in his church before Chuck meets the man who will change all of that. After an argument with his daughter, Chuck is introduced to Lonnie Frisbee (Jonathan Roumie), a free-spirited hippie preacher that Chuck's daughter brings home to stay. Lonnie surprises Chuck with his grasp of biblical scripture and the depth of his belief in Jesus so much that Chuck invites Lonnie to speak at his church and invite some fellow hippies to come in. 

Lonnie is a hit and his recruitment of more hippies to the church starts to bring in major crowds. Among the new believers is Greg Laurie (Joel Courtney), a former military school student turned hippie. Greg left school to chase a girl, Cathe (Anna Grace Barlow), and through her, he ends up at Calvary Church. Falling under the spell of Lonnie, Greg himself will become a Preacher and he and Chuck eventually form a partnership that will grow the so-called Jesus Revolution beyond what either of them would have imagined. 

As for Lonnie, he proves to be a troubled figure. Whether he was on drugs or suffering from mental instability, Lonnie begins to believe that God is acting through him. He starts believing he can heal people and takes on the persona of a cult leader rather than a preacher. This will lead to a falling out between Lonnie and Chuck that threatens the future of Chuck's newly successful church. That sounds far more dramatic and interesting than anything actually in The Jesus Revolution. Sadly, the movie delivers the falling out between Chuck and Lonnie in the least dramatic or interesting fashion. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review The Burial

The Burial (2023) 

Directed by Michael Escalante 

Written by Michael Escalante 

Starring Faith Kearns, Spencer Wetzel, Aaron Pyle 

Release Date March 3rd, 2023

Published February 28th, 2023 

A man sits in the woods crying. In the foreground is a shotgun. That's the intriguing start of the horror flick, The Burial. The scene hard cuts to a suburban apartment where an adorable couple is having an adorable conversation and being adorable when the phone rings. The man in the woods, is Keith (Spencer Wetzel) and the man he has called is his brother, Brian (Vernon Taylor). Brian can hear the desperation in his brother's voice and agrees to go and see him at a cabin in the woods, near where the movie began. Brian's girlfriend, Molly (Faith Kearns), insists on going along despite Brian's warning that his brother is... troubled. 

The film establishes this point of intrigue, why is this man crying, why was the shotgun in the foreground as he cried? How are these things related? We will come to find out exactly what happened but first the movie settles us into who these people are before we set the plot mechanics in motion. Keith has shot a man and this man may or may not be dead. The supposedly dead man is Lenny (Aaron Pyle) and he haunts Keith's every moment. The choice of what to do about this dead or perhaps not dead man makes up the plot of The Burial. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media