Movie Review The Legend of Ben Hall

The Legend of Ben Hall (2017)

Directed by Matthew Holmes

Written by Matthew Holmes

Starring Jack Martin, Jamie Coffa 

Release Date August 1st, 2017

We have a tendency in America to believe that our pop culture is the only culture to embrace our anti-heroes, those rugged criminals whose lives we romanticize into fantasy for reasons we can’t quite rationalize with what these men did. But rhapsodizing about the criminal as pseudo-hero is a truly worldwide phenomenon. The latest example of the worldwide nature of the celebration of anti-heroes comes from Australia with the story of criminal icon Ben Hall, the subject of the Bushranger epic The Legend of Ben Hall which is now available on DVD and On-Demand services in America.

Ben Hall (Jack Martin) was the quintessential Bushranger, a criminal but a criminal with a personal ethic. In the years since Ben Hall has been robbing stagecoaches with his band of criminal brothers, he never took a life. Ben may not exactly be noble, he is an unquestionably dangerous man committing real crimes, but his no murder stance, at the very least, render a criminal with scruples. Ben is haunted by the way in which his wife Biddy (Joanne Dobbin) left him for another man and took their child and he intends to take the boy back once he steals enough money for safe travel to America.

Joining Jack is the far more dangerous outlaw, John Gilbert (Jamie Coffa), whose best quality is his loyalty to Ben; it’s the only thing that keeps Gilbert from becoming an outright psychopath. Together, Ben and John recruit Jon Dunn (William Lee) and they begin a reign of terror on Australian banks that led the banks and the government to extreme measures to fight back. Those extreme measures eventually led to a moment of reckoning for a bloodthirsty army of thug law enforcers and the Australian military which compromised their ethics eventually to put an end to Ben Hall and his gang.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review Fire in the Sky

Fire in the Sky (1993) 

Directed by Robert Lieberman 

Written by Tracy Torme 

Starring Robert Patrick, D.B Sweeney, Craig Sheffer 

Release Date March 12th, 2023 

Published June, 2023  

A group of friends worked together on a scam to convince the world that one of them was abducted by aliens. For me, this is a much more interesting story than treating the lie these men told as if it actually happened. Unfortunately, that's the approach director Robert Lieberman and writer Tracy Torme went with in making Fire in the Sky, pretending the lie was the truth. By pretending that this man was actually abducted by aliens, the filmmakers cosigned the lie and colluded to provide credence to the grift of these men that, for at least of them, continues to to this day. 

Fire in the Sky asks you to believe that in 1975 a man named Travis Walton was abducted by aliens while his friends watched in shock and horror. The 'friends' ran away, leaving Travis seemingly for dead. Several days later, a naked and traumatized Travis was found a full town away shivering inside of a shed. In Fire in the Sky, D.B Sweeney provides a reasonably shaken and angst ridden performance as Travis Walton. And, because he's an actor whose been given direction on how to portray this trauma, he makes it look as if this is what really happened to Travis Walton, perhaps better than Walton himself ever could. 

The story of Travis's disappearance is told in a dimwitted flashback. Apparently the filmmakers half-watched Rashomon and took a minor inspiration that pretends to art but falls squarely into melodrama. Familiar faces Robert Patrick, Peter Berg, Craig Scheffer and Henry Thomas play Travis friends who, for a time, were suspected of having killed Travis, at least according to the movie. The real story of what happened to Travis Walton is that he and his friends perpetrated a hoax that Walton has exploited for financial gain for years. 

They sold the story to The Enquirer, a disreputable tabloid that claimed that Walton and his friends passed a lie detector test. The reality is, The Enquirer had just as much to gain from Travis Walton's made up abduction story as he did. Skeptical investigators who performed tests on Walton found that he was trying to beat the lie detector through various means that had been shared in books out around that time. One lie detector test that Walton ended with the administrator calling Walton's story a 'gross deception.' 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Documentary Review: Roadrunner Film About Anthony Bourdain

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain (2021) 

Directed by Morgan Neville 

Written by Documentary 

Starring Anthony Bourdain, Asia Argento 

Release Date July 16th, 2021 

Published June 17th, 2023 

Late in the new documentary Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain, a friend recalls asking Bourdain how he managed to quit his heroin addiction cold turkey. This was a foreign concept to Bourdain’s friend, a fellow addict, who could not begin to imagine that level of willpower. Bourdain offered no real answer, just that he’d done it. It quickly dawned on Bourdain’s friend that Bourdain may have beaten heroin but he hadn’t beaten addiction. 

Instead of heroin, Anthony Bourdain’s addiction jumped to other sources of pleasure or pain or experience, unattainable highs that could never be sustained in the same fashion that addiction to any drug either ends in death or simply losing the ability to get high all together. To me, this is a fascinating and thoughtful insight. Director Morgan Nevillve had a similar fascination with what Bourdain’s friend mentioned, how his addiction jumped from heroin to other types of obsession. 

In the immediate aftermath of Bourdain’s friend relating this story we join Bourdain learning Jiu Jitsu. Bourdain was obsessed with Jiu Jitsu for a time, an all consuming obsession, addiction, that drove the people around him crazy. Another of Bourdain’s friends, a member of the crew of his television series, recalled being irritated by Bourdain droning on endlessly about the benefits of Jiu Jitsu, he was relentless in talking about things he was passionate about. 

Bourdain applied this passionate obsessive quality to people as well, his wives, and his girlfriends. In a disturbing example of Bourdain’s obsession with and his addiction to very specific things, the movie recalls a time when Bourdain was speaking of his then girlfriend, actress Asia Argento, and going on and on about what he’d determined to be, her remarkable ability to parallel park. There is a look on Bourdain’s face as he’s discussing Argento’s ability to park a car in Italy that approaches madness, his eyes are wide, his gestures are broad and Argento appears deeply uncomfortable. 

It could be argued that director Morgan Neville frames this scene to underline the effect but regardless, I couldn’t help but feel the implied discomfort and Bourdain’s mad obsessive zeal. The documentary frames Bourdain’s entire relationship with Argento, which came in the last years of his life, as an addiction. Bourdain was deeply lonely after the end of his second marriage and is seen to wonder if he is someone who can be loved. 

In 1999 Anthony Bourdain, then already into middle age and seeing his life as one of working as a chef until they dragged his corpse from the kitchen, began writing a series of emails to a friend. This friend happened to be married to a publisher and after urging his wife to read Anthony’s breathlessly intelligent, urgent, and provocative words in these emails, the wife was sold, she needed to publish Anthony Bourdain. 

That is the story that led to Bourdain’s national breakthrough, the bestselling book, Kitchen Confidential which turned Bourdain into the bad boy of celebrity chefs. The book was an immediate smash success story which almost spawned a movie adaptation starring Brad Pitt and did spawn a brief and uninspired television series starring Bradley Cooper. Fame didn’t come easy to Bourdain but once he embraced it, his life was changed forever. 

The success of Kitchen Confidential led to Bourdain’s own series on The Food Network called A Cook’s Tour. The team behind Bourdain’s television series tell a terrific story about that show and how Anthony Bourdain was not the bon vivant personality that he would come to be known as, not right away. In fact, on the first trip for the show, Bourdain was listless and withdrawn, he refused to play the part of host and it appeared that the show was doomed. 

It wasn’t until the crew arrived in Vietnam when things began to click. Bourdain loved Vietnam, it also helped that his friend and former restaurant boss joined him and perhaps brought out a friendlier and more excitable version of Bourdain. From there it was off to the races on a career that would touch the lives of millions of fans and inspire wandering souls to discover their own inner traveler. 

From the outside, Anthony Bourdain had everything. His job was to go to cool places, have adventures, and eat food. His travels were exotic and beautiful and also provocative. Through his travels, the bad boy chef transformed into a deeply empathetic soul eager to tell the stories of the people behind the culture and food he was experiencing. This proved to be exhilarating television and in many ways, an exhilarating life but the strain on Bourdain comes clear as Roadrunner unfolds. The heart wrenching stories Bourdain sometimes told weighed on him more than his cool exterior let on.  

In 2018 Anthony Bourdain shocked the world by taking his own life in the midst of a shoot for his travel series Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. His death was a stark reminder that while you think you know a celebrity or you assume that someone on television has a life that is a dream come true, you really don’t know them. This aspect of not knowing Bourdain but wanting to, drive so much of Roadrunner. 

Some have claimed that the troubled end to Bourdain's relationship with Asia Argento led him to take his life. Many read Roadrunner: A Film Abouut Anthony Bourdain as making that case, that Argento holds a responsibility in Bourdain's death. I don't see the movie quite that way. I feel that director Morgan Neville lays out the case that Bourdain's various addictions are what drove him toward a tragic end. Having chased a particular kind of high for his entire life, he finally reached a place where that high was no longer attainable. 

I believe, based on what Neville shows us in Roadrunner, that Bourdain was 'addicted' to his relationship with Argento in a deeply unhealthy fashion. That parallel parking story may be cringe-inducing in many ways, but I believe it is the thesis statement on Bourdain's obsessive personality, his addiction to Argento being the latest thing that had driven his lust for life. When that 'supply,' if you will indulge that as a metaphor for a human being, is cutoff, Bourdain simply felt he could not go on. That's not Asia Argento's fault. This type of obsession with another person is not healthy and it was perhaps better for Argento herself, regardless of whoever she might be as a person, I don't know her, to get out of that relationship. 

If you've never been the subject of another person's obsession, you don't know how strange and suffocating that can be. If you are the subject of someone else's obsession, you need to get out of it. It's not something that can be sustained or repaired. We happen to have some visual evidence of Bourdain's obsession with Argento and it's strange and haunting. It starts out humorous and slowly morphs into something pitiable and deeply uncomfortable. Anthony Bourdain's obsessions are what led to his death. His desire to be obsessed with something to distract him from unspoken anguish he felt and did not process or seek help for, are why we no longer have his brilliant mind in the world. 

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain is brilliant, beautiful and tragic. It's incredibly difficult to watch but it's also engrossing and enlightening. It's a story that aches to be told. That it exists is a warning to anyone that an unexamined emotional pain is as dangerous and deadly as an unexamined and untreated open wound. Anthony Bourdain was bleeding emotionally and was unfortunately unwilling or unable to seek treatment for it. Roadrunner then is a cautionary tale about such deep emotional wounds. 

Movie Review The Flash

The Flash (2023)

Directed by Andy Muschietti 

Written by Christina Hodson

Starring Ezra Miller, Michael Keaton, Ben Affleck, Michael Shannon, Maribel Verdu 

Release Date June 16th, 2023 

Published June 14th, 2023 

Let's address the elephant in the room. There are numerous stories regarding the life of Ezra Miller that demonstrate that they may not be a good person. There's been allegations of abuse, grooming, and other types of criminal behavior, including kidnapping and, for a time, he was even suspected of murder. It's incredibly hard to objectively look at Miller's work and separate that from the person. I'm going to try and do that in this review but I want to make it very clear that regardless of how I feel about Miller's work and the movie The Flash, Miller has a lot of things to answer for and this review is not intended in any way as a co-sign of Miller the person. 

The Flash stars Ezra Miller as Barry Allen, super-hero. Having been introduced in the Snyder-verse of the DCU, The Flash is now almost the last of a dying branch of a franchise. And yet, despite that negative energy running in the background of the movie, The Flash manages to be quite good. Against many odds indeed, director Andy Muschietti, famous for his deft and ingenious work on It Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, has delivered a rousing, emotional and wildly inventive super hero blockbuster. It's not without its flaws but those may be inherent to behind the scenes development where producers plotted this film with sequels in mind that are now unlikely to happen. 

We pick up the story of Barry Allen as he is helping Batman/Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck), respond to a heist that turns into a dangerous and deadly building collapse. Baddies have stolen a deadly biological weapon from Gotham General Hospital and while Batman goes after the weapon, it's up to Barry to save the patients and staff of the now collapsing and on fire hospital. In a visually dynamic, if slightly tedious segment, Barry rescues a group of babies falling from near the top of the collapsing building. In time lapse we watch as Barry comedically but necessarily snacks while in the air, snatches baby after baby out of the air, saves a nurse and a therapy dog, all while a massive building is collapsing over them all. 

This is an objectively terrific display of the powers of The Flash and the humble, sweet, but unusual character of Ezra Miller's The Flash. Miller's Barry Allen is sweet, shy, and anxiety ridden. He's a reluctant hero whose journey is one in which he confronts his mistakes, his past, his pain and trauma, and grows up before our eyes. He becomes more and more of a hero as he discovers himself and sees the errors of his ways. He's always been headstrong, even as his nature is to wilt in front of people. Here that headstrong quality is met with a self-examination that causes Barry to become more responsible, more like the hero Batman/Bruce Wayne believes he can be. 

It's a terrific arc that takes on a tragic, sad, and lovely melancholy as Barry longs for his late mother and the family that was shattered by her murder. Following a conversation with his father (Ron Livingston, currently behind bars, accused of killing Barry's mother, Barry uses the speed force to travel back in time to see if he can save his mother. Barry's mother is played by Maribel Verdu and she is utterly incredible in this relatively limited role. In her brief screen time, Verdu elevates otherwise familiar material about how we mythologize and simplify the memories of our beloved parents with an ethereal kindness, an impossible level of charisma, and a radiant loving presence. Verdu floored me in her few scenes. 

In lesser hands than hers, and director Andy Muschietti, Barry's mother, Nora Allen, could be a plot device. But with the incredible work of actor and director, the role feels rich, alive and beautiful well beyond the plot and her function within it. The mother/son chemistry of Verdu and Miller is incredibly powerful and it builds to an emotional climax that I was not expecting, one that hit me right in the heart. I'm perhaps personalizing this too much, but having lost a really great mom, one very reminiscent of this conception of Nora Allen, I was deeply touched by their bond. That this is also the motivation for the plot and all of the action that Barry takes in this plot means that the whole movie gets a charge from this chemistry. It's so strong for me that I think the movie might be as good, or even better on a rewatch because you would go in knowing just how powerful that relationship is and how devastating and emotional it all will become. 

Click here for my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Jurassic Park 3

Jurassic Park 3 (2001) 

Directed by Joe Johnston 

Written by Peter Buchman, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor 

Starring Sam Neill, Tea Leoni, William H. Macy, Alessandro Nivola 

Release Date July 18th, 2001 

Published June 14th, 2023 

After having compromised to make arguably the worst movie of his remarkable career, The Lost World Jurassic Park, Steven Spielberg was finally ready to leave the dinosaurs behind. There was no amount of money that studio executives could promise Spielberg in order to get him back in the director's chair for Jurassic Park 3. That said, staying on as Executive Producer, and retaining his lucrative back end deal, Spielberg did have a hand in choosing his directorial successor. 

Joe Johnston is a long time friend and collaborator of Steven Spielberg and happened to be coming off a pair of well liked and successful films, the 1995 blockbuster, Jumanji, and the critically beloved 1999 drama, October Sky. That plus having worked behind the scenes on each of the previous Jurassic Park movies made Johnston the most natural choice to pick up the reigns on the popular franchise. With Johnston came a new writing team for Jurassic Park 3. Out was writer David Koepp and in was the unlikely duo of Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, fresh off the success of very non-Jurassic Park indie hits Citizen Ruth and Election. 

It's strange to think that Alexander Payne chose to follow up Election, a black comedy of razor sharp wit, with something as wit-free as Jurassic Park 3. Much like Spielberg did his career worst work on The Lost World Jurassic Park, it would be fair to say that Jurassic Park 3 marks a low point in the career of Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor. A paycheck is a paycheck and being hot off of a critical and commercial hit created the strange cosmic coincidences needed to put the future auteurs behind Sideways into the Jurassic Park universe. 

That said, while I do think this is the worst script of the career of Payne and Taylor, that doesn't mean the movie is that bad. Jurassic Park 3 is actually an improvement over The Lost World Jurassic Park. Director Joe Johnston smartly keeps his Jurassic Park movie under 100 minutes in length and maintains a frenetic pace throughout its 96 minute runtime. A script this thin could not sustain a movie much longer than that, especially with characters this obnoxious and simplistic. Making Jurassic Park 3 any longer than 96 minutes would be an agonizing watch. As it is, it's not great but it is fast and the action is genuinely well directed. 

Jurassic Park 3 returns Sam Neill to the role of Dr. Alan Grant. After being greatly missed in The Lost World Jurassic Park, having Neill back in Jurassic Park 3 is, at the very least, a welcome bit of nostalgia. Also briefly back is Laura Dern as Dr. Ellie Sattler. Her inclusion is perfunctory and convenient, a loving nod to the original Jurassic Park. She's there to be used as needed by the script to underline a plot point early on and provide a convenient ending for the film. 

Sorry, my cynicism keeps sneaking through. I was talking about being happy to see Dr. Grant again. Sam Neill is a steady, calming, soothing presence in Jurassic Park. He's an absolute necessity as he provides a grounded element amid the chaotic special effects frenzy that Joe Johnston is unleashing in Jurassic Park 3. It's easy to see where Johnston's work on Jumanji influenced his work here. Much like Jumanji, Jurassic Park 3 is at its best when it doesn't stop running, upping the stakes, and being an action movie. 

The plot kicks in when Dr. Grant receives an offer to play aerial tour guide for a rich married couple. Paul and Amanda Kirby have charted a plane to fly over Isla Sorna, the second of John Hammond's dinosaur islands and the location of the last movie, The Lost World Jurassic Park. Grant is promised that the plane will not land on the island and that he will just narrate a few facts about what few dinosaurs can be seen during the flyover. What he doesn't know is that he's actually on a dangerous rescue mission. In a convoluted opening sequence, Paul and Amanda's son, Eric has been stranded on the island.

The crew aboard the plane are actually mercenaries who've been hired to extract the boy from the island. Naturally, things don't go well and people end up getting eaten by dinosaurs. Since we don't know the names of the actors playing the mercenaries, and they lack what I like to call 'main character powers,' they're the first to go. The only name supporting actor, Michael Jeter, is also doomed for being a liar and a bit of a weasel, bad guys getting ugly comeuppance is a trope of the Jurassic Park films, aside from John Hammond, the greatest villain of the series, who gets to escape because he's played by kindly grandpa, Richard Attenborough. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Chevalier

Chevalier (2023) 

Directed by Stephen Williams 

Written by Stefani Robinson 

Starring Kelvin Harrison Jr., Samara Weaving, Lucy Boynton, Martin Csokas 

Release Date April 21st, 2023 

Published June 13th, 2023 

To talk about why Chevalier doesn't work, I need to talk about the ending. Now, since this movie is based on the true story of Joseph Bologne, Chevalier de Saint-Georges, his French title, I don't think this is a spoiler alert situation. Besides that, the fate of the main character is not part of the ending of the movie, that's handled with some clumsy text that ties up the life of the Chevalier de Saint-Georges in a tidy bow and explains why he went unrecognized and little known for so many years. Thus, I don't consider this a spoiler. But, if you disagree, you have now been warned. 

The ending of Chevalier, starring Kelvin Harrison Jr. as Joseph Bologne, famed composer and former friend and confidante of Queen Marie Antoinette, is set at a concert performance. Bologne is set to perform a piece that has a title intended to support the French Revolution, the bloody battle that will bring down Joseph's former friend, Marie Antoinette, played by Lucy Boynton. After being warned by the Queen that she will destroy him, take away his title, and ruin him professionally, Bologne wastes no time being conflicted, he immediately takes the stage and begins to perform this fiery piece of music. 

The Queen responds with unsurprising disdain, she sends her top General, a bullying Aristocrat named Montalamare (Martin Csokas) into to the concert to arrest and or execute the Chevalier. The crowd intervenes to save their favorite composer who briefly stops the show to confront the General. Then, Bologne waves his hand, indicating for his symphony to continue playing. But, after doing this, the Chevalier leaves. Walking out of the concert, the Chevalier passes by the fleeing Queen with a defiant glare and then, in slow motion, he walks off and text takes care of the rest of his life. 

That slow motion walk is a very silly moment. Contextually, Bologne has just started his concert. He has a large and excited crowd that came to see him perform. Yes, he is almost murdered by the General, I'm sure that was hard for him, and reason enough to leave and end the show. But, he appears to be unfazed by this near-death experience. He's perfectly calm and cool as he walks out of his just begun concert performance. The Chevalier then smirks his way past the fleeing Marie Antoinette, and segues into a slow motion walk to the camera. 

But, question, where the hell is he supposed to be going? The concert just started. Where is he going? I imagine that the filmmakers were thinking 'and then he walks into history' or some such nonsense. The self-congratulatory tone of this sequence comes off as very, very silly. The character just seems like an oddball who will have to sheepishly walk his way back to the theater to finish the concert, perhaps. Or, he's just going home to, I don't know, take a nap? He's going to a bar to get drunk while others finish his concert or spill into the street to yell obscenities at the Queen. 

Regardless of wherever this film version of Bologne's life is headed, the movie has rendered him as a joke. By trying so desperately to craft an 'iconic' ending, they've managed to make their star and his character seem very silly. It appears that they had no idea how to end the movie and just thought a Baywatch slow-mo to camera walk was the only way to get out of having to portray the actual French Revolution, which Bologne fought in against the crown and ended up leading the first all black battalion of the French Army. 

We only know that because star Kelvin Harrison Jr. is forced to stand in front of the camera in freeze frame as onscreen text informs us of why the Chevalier fell into obscurity. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the Cliff's Notes, I was glad the movie was over, but it doesn't make the silliness of the ending of this otherwise tepid and forgettable biopic any easier to take. I will also grant that a slow-mo walk to camera is an entertaining choice, if not a good one. It marked the first time in the nearly 2 hours of Chevalier that I had an emotional reaction to the film, if not the emotion the movie was seeking. Derisive snorting laughter was, I'm assuming, not the filmmakers intent. 

Movie Review Opening Night

Opening Night (2017) 

Directed by Isaac Rentz

Written by Gerry De Leon, Greg Lisi 

Starring Topher Grace, Paul Scheer, Alona Tal, Anne Heche, Taye Diggs

Release Date June 2nd, 2017 

Opening Night has the kind of scrappy charm that you want out of a musical. It’s shaggy and flawed but it’s also fun-loving and freewheeling. The story of a Broadway stage manager struggling with personal demons from his own seemingly failed Broadway career, the movie may not have the polish of a Hollywood production but it makes up for it with moxie and the can-do spirit of an underdog production with nothing to lose.

Topher Grace (That 70’s Show) stars as Nick, the stage manager for a Broadway production called “One Hit Wonderland.” The show within the movie stars N’Sync’s J.C Chazez, sending up himself with gusto and a hint of poignancy, playing a one hit wonder singer taking a journey that is part A Christmas Carol and part It’s a Wonderful Life. The theme of the musical is the theme of the movie: can someone bounce back after early success becomes a quick failure?

Relative newcomer Alona Tal shines as Nick’s recent ex-girlfriend and chorus girl Chloe who winds up thrust into the lead role opposite Chasez when the show’s lead actress Brooke (Anne Heche) suffers a blow to the head and is accidentally dosed with Ecstacy in one of a couple plots that stumble their way on stage and quickly off without the best possible resolution. I was hoping Heche would be given something more to play here, she hints at depths of sadness in the character, but sadly she ends up a bit of a plot device before a credits scene sendoff that, at the very least, has a funny punchline courtesy of scene-stealing comic Paul Scheer.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys (1987)

Directed by Joel Schumacher

Written by Janice Fischer, Jeffrey Boam, James Jeremias

Starring Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Jason Patric, Kiefer Sutherland, Dianne Wiest, Jamie Gertz

Release Date July 31st, 1987

The Lost Boys turns 30 years old this weekend, July 28th, 2017, and the movie has not aged well. While it’s not quite the embarrassment that was the Twilight movies, The Lost Boys is bad in its own unique ways. While nostalgia might cloud fans of the Coreys’ first team up (Haim and Feldman for those aren’t fans of Tiger Beat circa 1987) the reality of The Lost Boys is that director Joel Schumacher is an epically bad filmmaker and teamed with a cast of not ready for primetime teenagers, and a minimal budget, Schumacher’s modest talents are entirely overwhelmed.

The story of The Lost Boys began life as a kid’s adventure movie surrounding the bizarre idea of Peter Pan as a vampire, explaining why he was always a teenager, and attempting to lure Michael, eventually played by non-child Jason Patrick, and his brother Sam (Corey Haim) to become one of his "Lost Boys" hence the title that seems confusing minus the Peter Pan story. The Peter Pan aspect was ditched when director Richard Donner bolted from the project for the chance to direct Lethal Weapon. (Why did they keep the name? It means nothing without… oh never mind.)

In the story, as it plays out in the finished film, Michael and Sam have moved to Santa Carla from Phoenix after their mother, played by Dianne Wiest, divorced her husband and lost her job. They are going to live with their eccentric grandfather, played by the perfectly cast Barnard Hughes, who specialized in playing oddball grandpas. Hughes is one of the many extraneous idiocies of The Lost Boys as his character is little more than a series of creepy, supposedly endearing, quirks that have nothing to do with the plot.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Emoji Movie

The Emoji Movie (2017) 

Directed by Tony Leondis

Written by Tony Leondis, Eric Siegel, Mike White

Starring T.J Miller, James Corden, Patrick Stewart, Anna Faris

Release Date July 28th, 1997

What is there to be said about The Emoji Movie? That’s what I have been asking myself for the more than an hour since I sat down to write this review. This empty, mostly competent, 90+ minute ad for smartphone apps doesn’t inspire much to be written about it. Sure, I could rail against the empty, soulless, mercenary nature of what amounts to app product placement the movie, but I have been shouting into that void since the trailer for the film hit and no one seemed to care then. So, let’s just start writing and see what happens.

The Emoji Movie centers around Gene (Voiced by T.J Miller), a professional "Meh" emoji on his first day on the job in Textopolis, a home for Emoji’s inside a teenager’s phone. Gene’s parents Mel and Mary Meh (Steven Wright and Jennifer Coolidge) aren’t sure Gene is ready for the job of expressing indifference because, unlike other Emojis in Textopolis, Gene is able to perform other Emoji functions beyond just being the face of Meh.

When Gene panics and ruins a text to a girl by making a funny face instead of Meh, he’s set to be deleted as if he were a virus. This leads to Gene having to flee Textopolis with his new pal Hi-5 (James Corden) to find a hacker named Jailbreak (Anna Faris) whom he hopes will be able to reprogram him to be Meh and help Hi-5 get back into the favorites page of his owner’s phone where he was once among the most oft-used Emojis.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Fifth Element

The Fifth Element (1997) 

Directed by Luc Besson

Written by Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen

Starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Gary Oldman, Chris Tucker

Release Date May 7th, 1997 

I love the way Luc Besson views the universe. Besson sees the universe in bright bold colors. It’s the way I would like to view the universe. While my mind is often clouded by the often sad and tragic state of humanity, and especially man’s inhumanity to man, Besson manages to look beyond and see the beauty beyond our planet and into the stars.

The best example of how Luc Besson sees the universe, aside from his dazzling yet somewhat empty new film Valerian and the Planet of A Thousand Cities, is the 1997 film The Fifth Element, this week’s classic on the I Hate Critics movie review podcast.

The Fifth Element was well ahead of its time, a sci-fi movie filled with vibrant color, extraordinary costumes, and remarkable, often mind-blowing, special effects and production design.

If only that same vibrancy extended to the characters. You see, for as much as I am dazzled by the spectacle, the visual dynamism of Luc Besson and The Fifth Element, he’s not a director who is particularly interested in characters. Besson, though thoroughly detailed in costumes and set design and special effects, is not a director of actors.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review La Bamba

La Bamba (1987) 

Directed by Luis Valdez

Written by Luis Valdez

Starring Lou Diamond Phillips, Esai Morales, Joe Pantoliano, Elizabeth Pena

Release Date July 24th, 1987

Somehow, despite having seen the movie La Bamba more than a dozen times in my life, watching the movie on its 30th Anniversary felt brand new. La Bamba was a film of my youth; I was 11 years old when the film hit theaters in 1987. I watched it repeatedly when it was on pay cable and free TV in the later 80’s and 90’s and then the film fell from my memory. You might be wondering how I could have allowed something I must’ve treasured to leave my memories. The answer is more complicated than I had imagined.

La Bamba, the movie, we will get to the song later, tells the story of teenage rock star Ritchie Valens who nearly became a footnote in musical history when he was killed in a plane crash alongside the legendary Buddy Holly and fellow rising star The Big Bopper, on February 3rd, 1959, after having released only 3 hit singles and being a mere 17 years old. Though his popularity was rising in 1959 with people comparing the young Chicano rocker to Elvis, Valens wasn’t nearly the star Buddy Holly was and could have been preserved in history only by his family and community had it not been for this remarkable 1987 biopic.

Director Luis Valdez is a legend in his own right and in his own unique way. Desperate for an outlet for his plays, Valdez approached legendary California union activist Cesar Chavez about creating a theater troupe among the striking migrant workers. Chavez agreed only after Valdez devoted time to union organizing, time which he also took to recruit actors and performers from among the striking union to join him. He founded a troupe called El Treato Campesino, The Farmworkers Theater, which has become the creative home for Mexican Americans of many talents over the past 50 plus years.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Dunkirk

Dunkirk (2017)

Directed by Christopher Nolan 

Written by Christopher Nolan 

Starring Fionn Whitehead, Kenneth Branagh, Jack Lowden, Barry Keoghan, Harry Styles, Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance, Cillian Murphy

Release Date July 21st, 2017

With The Dark Knight trilogy and Inception, director Christopher Nolan has ascended to that rarefied air of directors who can sell a movie with his name alone. Nolan now stands shoulder to shoulder with fellow relative newcomers J.J. Abrams and Joss Whedon and the original superstar director, Steven Speilberg.

The proof comes with the release of Dunkirk, Nolan's latest film and one with a minimum of star-power, rough, non-commercial subject matter, and a World War II setting that has rarely been the home of four quadrant hits without the back up of major stars like Tom Hanks or John Wayne. If Dunkirk is to succeed it will be the director of Batman who makes it happen.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review Scream 5

Scream 5 (2022) 

Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett 

Written by JamesVanderbilt, Gary Busick, Kevin Williamson

Starring Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega 

Release Date January 14, 2022 

Published June 13th, 2023

Just a few years ago the WWE had an issue. There are moves in wrestling called 'Finishers.' The 'Finisher' is supposed to end a match. When the 'Finisher' is struck, 1, 2, 3 almost always should follow. But, for a time, WWE forgot about the concept of the 'Finisher.' Wrestlers began surviving finishing moves. Moves that used to be finishers in the 1980s were no longer effective enough to end a match. Even the most protected finishers, the ones that NO ONE got up from, began to become not fully effective. 

The choice, and it was a choice, it's a scripted medium, to allow wrestlers to survive a finishing move, began to affect the drama of matches. When a finisher becomes ineffective, the drama, build to an ending of a match becomes drawn out and less dramatic. I mention this in a review of Scream 5 because it's become concerning how ineffective a finishing maneuver in the Scream universe has become. I'm speaking of stabbing. Stabbing is supposed to be a finishing movie for the masked villains of the Scream universe. However, as they enter further and further into the franchise, stabbing has almost become a transition move. 

Today, when someone in a Scream movie gets stabbed it's more of a brief hindrance than something that leads to death. It's becoming an epidemic in the Scream franchise that a stab wound is as easy to survive as a paper cut. The drama and excitement of the killer getting their hands on a main character and putting a knife to them is beginning to dissipate as we are less and less worried that a character will die from having a sharp implement repeatedly stuck into vital organs. 

Scream 5 is a minor course correction for this issue. In Scream 5, a main character finally dies from repeated stab wounds. It's a rare shocking moment in a franchise that is growing short on shockers as it ages into adulthood as a franchise that is now in its mid-20s. The death of this main character, which, by now, most of you are aware of, caught many off guard when the film was released in 2022. It's a shock death that may be responsible for reviving the franchise, even as this character was widely beloved and a reason many enjoyed this franchise for so long. 

That death aside, Scream 5 revives the franchise in other ways. Most importantly by providing a pair of leads who are likable and easy to root for. First and foremost, young Jenna Ortega, who has since this film, shot to fame on the Netflix Addams Family series, Wednesday, joined the franchise as seemingly the first victim. In an upending of expectations however, Ortega's Tara Carpenter survived her multiple stab wounds. The attack on Tara introduces the actual new face of the Scream franchise, Melissa Barrera as Tara's older sister, Sam Carpenter. 

Sam has been apart from her family for some time but she returns to her hometown of Woodsboro when she learns that someone attacked her sister. Joining her is her boyfriend and co-worker, Richie Kirsch (Jack Quaid), a bit of a doofus but a seemingly decent guy. When Tara decides to investigate the attack on her sister, she also drafts in Tara's friends, Twins Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown) and Chad (Mason Gooding), and Wes (Dylan Minnette). Together, the group seeks out the one person who might be able to shed some light on the attempted murderer or murderers, former Woodsboro Sheriff Dewey Riley (David Arquette). 

Now back in Woodsboro and living in a trailer home, pining for his ex-wife Gale (Courtney Cox), who remains in New York as a big time news anchor, Dewey is reluctant to get involved in another Woodsboro murder spree. Dewey's been through this a lot, lost a lot of people and survived having been stabbed many, many times. To say that he's not eager to go back into the fray against a brand new Ghostface is an understatement. But, when he finds out about Tara's secret connection to the original Ghostface killers, he decides to get involved. 

In a move that was controversial, to say the least, the new Scream creative team, directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett and writers James Vanderbilt and Guy Busick, have introduced a seemingly supernatural element to the Scream franchise. Via Tara's connection to one of the original Ghostface killers, we find that long dead murderer having conversations with and giving advice to Tara as she fights for the life of herself and her friends against the new Ghostface killers. It's a strange choice and one that I can understand was quite off-putting to long time fans of the franchise. 

That said, I really liked seeing this actor back in the Scream franchise. I enjoyed the way his introduction into this story became a red herring and a sort of secret superpower for Tara that evened the playing field a bit between the killers who could seemingly be anywhere at any time and their target, Tara. Supernatural elements absolutely violate the canon of the Scream franchise but, considering how often the main characters of the franchise have survived numerous stab wounds and gunshot wounds, one could argue that the supernatural was creeping into the Scream franchise throughout the run of the series. 

Scream 5 was intended to be a passing of the torch from one generation to the next. Thus, we get the return of Neve Campbell as Sidney Prescott. Now a mom with a life thriving outside the spotlight of her survival of multiple murder attempts, Sidney returns to Westboro following the death of that main character I mentioned earlier. One thing that Scream 5 absolutely gets right is the reunion of Courtney Cox's Gale and Campbell's Sidney. I was legitimately choked up by the sight of the two of them together, especially under the circumstances of the moment. Scream 5 gets this lovely moment right and it sets a good tone for the rest of the movie. 

The final act of Scream 5 moves at a good clip and the motivation of the dual killers of this Scream iteration are well played out, darkly humorous, as is tradition, and filled with bloody, bloody violence. Stab wounds are rendered mostly ineffective by the end of Scream 5, a fact that dooms Scream 6, as you can read in my 2023 pan of that film, but only after we've reached the credits of this take on the series. Stabbing is losing its potency, but it isn't until we find our main characters are completely indestructible that in Scream 6 that the movie completely rolls into a sad parody of itself. 

I was quite surprised by how much I liked Scream 5. I liked the new characters, I enjoyed the murderous set pieces that carried some genuine suspense, and I really enjoyed the use of our Scream originals. David Arquette, Neve Campbell, and Courtney Cox are old hands at this point but each remains a welcome and beloved presence in these films. Scream 6, in fact, suffers from a lack of Campbell's steady, graceful and resourceful presence. But Scream 5 has our beloved trio and each is used to wonderful degree to welcome the new cast and establish this new era for the franchise. Sadly, as I write this review after having seen Scream 6, the new era of Scream has already crashed and burned in my estimation. But, at least Scream 5 was good. 

Classic Movie Review Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993) 

Directed by Stuart Gillard 

Written by Stuart Gillard 

Starring Paige Turco, Elias Koteas 

Release Date March 19th, 1993 

Published June 2023 

It was clear that the makers of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise was fast losing steam right about the time Vanilla Ice appeared in TMNT 2 to rap the phrase 'Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!' It's at about that point that as a culture we had come to the conclusion that the necessity for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle feature film was no longer a necessity. And yet, against all good sense and taste, the makers of the franchise pressed on with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a screamingly minor entry in a franchise that had only narrowly found the energy for one and one half part of a movie and sequel. 

And yet, someone forked over a $21 million dollar budget to send the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in time to some loose configuration of a past somewhere in Asia. Time travel is yet another signpost in the sweaty, desperate creation of a third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Someone really promised more than they could possibly deliver to convince anyone that this was worth doing. Nothing in the film certainly justifies why this sequel was ever brought to the light of day, let alone unleashed on an unsuspecting public in movie theaters. 

My heart goes out to the parents of 1993 who must have napped or stayed in the car while their kids watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. The chore of sitting through this nonsense is like a parent being grounded by their kid and made to sit in time out for 90 minutes. This is a screamingly inessential film, a movie that has no right to exist in any way and yet somehow it does. Time, effort, and cold hard cash was dedicated to bringing this movie to the world and, for the life of me, I cannot imagine why. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them

The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them (1993) 

Directed by Matthew Meshakoff 

Written by Noah Stern 

Starring Arye Gross, Kevin Pollak, Courtney Cox, Julie Brown

Release Date March 26th, 1993 

Published June 9th, 2023 

There is a scene in the 1993 'romantic comedy' The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them that demonstrates the ugly toxicity of the early 1990s. Courtney Cox has gone to the beach with her new boyfriend, played by a sentient loaf of wonder bread named Arye Gross. As he lounges on the beach, Gross's friends grab Cox and drag her away to play some beach game. When she returns, she's nude, save for a towel. His friends have stripped her naked during this 'game' and she was able to limp back to her boyfriend who could not be less interested in her plight. 

Cox's character appears shaken by this. She makes clear that she did not consent to being stripped nude by her boyfriend's friends. And yet, the tone of the scene is clearly comic. We are expected to laugh about this implied sexual assault. We know this because Gross appears to find this situation very funny as he jokingly blames her for letting his friends drag her into their game. Apparently, she should have known better. That scene is par for the course on how ugly, toxic, and misogynistic this movie is, especially through the lens of 30 years later. 

For those thinking I am going to defend this in any way by saying 'it was a different time,' I will not be doing that. What happened in this scene was wrong when it took place as it remains wrong today. This casual attitude toward assault is reflective of a culture at the time that excused far too much awful male behavior with the phrase 'boys will be boys.' That attitude is almost always followed by an admonishment of the victim, blaming the woman for putting herself into this situation. You can think, it's just a movie or it's just this movie, but this movie is a product of the attitudes of the time. It's a reflection of the casual ugliness around it. 

The entirety of The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them is terrifically awful. Moment one to moment last, this very stupid, mind-numbing 'romantic comedy' is never funny. It's a cringe inducing relic and somehow, it's a mere 30 years ago that this gross movie was released. If you wonder why we are reckoning with toxic masculinity and a culture of sexual harassment to this day, this movie is indicative of where we were just three decades ago. It was a time when were so comfortable with men assaulting an unwilling female victim that we made a joke of the assault in a romantic comedy. Let that sink in for a moment. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Directed by Luc Besson 

Written by Luc Besson

Starring Cara Delavigne, Dane DeHaan, Clive Owen, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke 

Release Date July 21st, 2017 

I cannot decide which is the more difficult type of review: positive without fawning, negative without being mean-spirited or ambivalent. The last type of review is where I find myself with the new movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets:; utter and complete ambivalence. There is much to admire about the latest from director Luc Besson (The Fifth Element, Leon: The Professional, among others) but there is also plenty of empty, sci-fi spectacle.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets stars Dane Dahaan (The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Chronicle) as Agent Valerian who, alongside his partner Sgt. Laureline (Cara Delavingne), are investigating a monstrous and ever growing space station that is home to some form of every species in the universe. Our agents are on hand, however, to investigate a threat to the so-called city of a thousand planets.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Big Sick

The Big Sick (2017) 

Directed by Michael Showalter 

Written by Emily V. Gordon, Kumail Nanjiani 

Starring Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Ray Romano, Holly Hunter

Release Date June 23rd, 2017 

The Big Sick broke my heart into a million little pieces and slowly pieced it back together throughout its gentle, sweet and very, very funny 120 minutes. Featuring an unconventional but brilliant lead performer, a radiant love interest and two of the best possible supporting players anyone could ask for, The Big Sick is, thus far, the best movie of 2017.

Kumail Nanjiani stars in the mostly true story of his love story with real life wife Emily Gordon, who also co-wrote the screenplay for the film with Kumail. The unconventional love story finds Kumail struggling to balance the demands of his traditional Pakistani born family with his desire to live outside the strictures of religion and in a more conventional style of American, big city life.

Still discovering who he is and what he believes in, Kumail stumbles into a romance with Emily, played by Zoe Kazan, equally thoughtful and searching young person. While each playfully and sarcastically discusses their unwillingness to become attached to the other the attraction becomes something neither can deny as they discover in each other pieces of themselves that they didn’t know existed.

Click here for my review of The Big Sick at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Blind

Blind (2017) 

Directed by Michael Mailer 

Written by John Buffalo Mailer 

Starring Demi Moore, Alec Baldwin

Release Date July 14th, 2017 

In nearly 20 years as a film critic, I have seen more than my share of terrible movies. I have seen The Room without the Rifftrax commentary track. I sat all the way through The Happening with my mind reeling at the incompetence of M. Night shyamalan’s most incomprehensible work. And I have seen all the Transformers movies which should qualify me for some sort of movie critic combat pay. But in nearly 20 years I can genuinely say I have never seen anything quite like Blind.

Blind is a film of such remarkable, incomprehensible awfulness that it can comfortably stand alongside the oeuvre of Tommy Wiseau and not feel out of place. Directed by longtime producer and first-time director Michael Mailer, Blind takes very talented, formerly big name stars, Alec Baldwin and Demi Moore, and renders them as amateurs via a script, editing, and direction that could only kindly be described as amateurish at best, and blatantly, intentionally incompetent at worst.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The House

The House (2017) 

Directed by Andrew Jay Cohen

Written by Brendan O'Brien 

Starring Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Mantzoukas, Jeremy Renner, Nick Kroll 

Release Date June 30th, 2017

Oh, how I hate The House! This one note joke of a comedy about morons trying to send their daughter to an upscale college is an embarrassing and sad mess. Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler star in The House as a married couple about to empty their nest when they send their daughter off to Bucknell University. However, when they lose out on their daughter’s scholarship due to a scheme by a corrupt city council member (Nick Kroll) they are forced into criminal behavior to make their daughter’s college dream come true.

Ferrell and Poehler play Scott and Kate, a married couple with the believability and romantic chemistry of a brother and sister. With no options to send their daughter to college they decide to take up their friend Frank’s advice and join him in running an illegal casino out of his mini suburban mansion. Playing off the cliché that the house always wins they set out to steal the money of their neighborhood friends who are so eager to break the monotony of suburbia that they don’t mind losing loads of money to do it.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review The Lost World Jurassic Park

The Lost World Jurassic Park (1997) 

Directed by Steven Spielberg 

Written by David Koepp 

Starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Vince Vaughn, Pete Postlethwaite 

Release Date May 23rd, 1997 

Published June 12th, 2023 

The Lost World Jurassic Park fails to recapture the magic and wonder of the original. Why? That kind of lightning in a bottle is simply hard to catch a second time. With no Sam Neil, no Laura Dern, and only Jeff Goldblum returning, The Lost World Jurassic Park felt mercenary and obligatory. Someone at the studio backed several brinks trucks worth of cash at Steven Spielberg's door, promised him he could make any movie he wanted, but only if he delivered another dino-blockbuster. Unlike the wide-eyed wonder of Jurassic Park, The Lost World Jurassic Park plays like a market tested blockbuster more interested in reaching four audience quadrants than satisfyingly entertaining the people who made up those quadrants. 

That said, this is Steven Spielberg so the movie isn't as bad as it could be. Spielberg is far too good of a director to make a genuinely bad film. Rather, this is the rare soulless Spielberg effort. It's a Spielberg movie where you can sense his heart isn't completely in it. There is a great visual gag in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back where the titular heroes visit the set of a Scream sequel. There, we find director Wes Craven not paying attention to directing and instead counting his money and telling his actress, Shannen Doherty, to do whatever she wants. That's how I picture Spielberg except, instead of counting his money, he's paying for a different and far better movie to start production while he occasionally tells his actors to run. 

The Lost World Jurassic Park begins by telling us that billionaire John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) has learned nothing from his Jurassic Park experience. He has another island full of dinosaurs and sees them as his ticket to get his dream of Jurassic Park back on track. Hammond calls upon Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to help him by going to this island and certifying that the dinosaurs are safe and accounted for on this new island. Dr. Malcolm refuses the lucrative offer until Hammond tells him that Malcolm's girlfriend, Dr. Sarah Harding (Julianne Moore), is already on the island. 

Malcolm takes the offer from Hammond but not to co-sign a new park. Malcolm is going to this new island on a rescue mission. Along for the ride are a guide, Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff) and a hotshot photographer, and greenpeace activist, Nick Van Owen (Vince Vaughn). Once on the island, they must try to find Sarah while also trying not to become dinner for the burgeoning new wildlife. Soon after this however, they will find themselves having to compete to save the dinosaurs from Hammond's idiot nephew, Peter Ludlow (Arliss Howard), and a big game hunter played by Pete Postelthwaite. 

The trailer back in 1997 carried a very big spoiler: The dinosaurs, at least one of them, the fearsome T-Rex, is coming to America. Commercials and trailers touted a dinosaur raging through city streets. This revealed further just how mercenary the whole effort was. The T-Rex doesn't arrive in America until the 3rd act and revealing that this dangerous dinosaur was going to rage through the streets of San Diego rather harms any chance of building tension and suspense as to where the movie was going to go. It's a great visual but spoiling it in the trailer made it very clear that The Lost World Jurassic Park was more of a marketing campaign than a movie. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media