Movie Review: The Losers

The Losers (2010) 

Directed by Sylvain White 

Written by Peter Berg, James Vanderbilt 

Starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Idris Elba, Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans, Columbus Short 

Release Date April 23rd, 2010 

Published April 22nd, 2010 

A ragtag band of America's best soldiers are burned by unknown superiors and forced to go outside the law to get their lives back. “The A-Team?” No, “The Losers” starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Idris Elba and Zoe Saldana. Oh but don't worry, this isn't some derivative waste of celluloid, it's merely a boring rehash of tired cliches dressed up in music video edits and big explosions. OK, yeah that is rather derivative.

Clay (Morgan) is the leader of “The Losers,” a group of Special Forces soldiers whose latest mission  involves taking down a hostage taking drug dealer somewhere in South America. The mission is a lie. Instead, the man is a puppet that some CIA spook wants out of the way. The bad guy hides behind a large group of orphans to hold off people like The Losers. When Clay and his team, tech expert Jensen (Chris Evans), Second in Command Roque (Idris Elba), pilot Pooch (Columbus Short) and sharp shooter Cougar (Oscar Janaeda), find the kids they decide to rescue them. The rescue goes bad when the CIA decides to eliminate “The Losers” and instead eliminate the little kids.

Trapped in South America with no passports, identification or cash, “The Losers” seem resigned to their fate until an encounter with a mysterious woman. Her name is Aisha (Zoe Saldana) and she knows who burned “The Losers” and how they can find him and though her motives and origin are suspicious it doesn't stop Clay from falling into bed with her. ”The Losers” has a certain charm to it, especially in the loose, fun performance of future “Captain America” Chris Evans, but for the most part it lags because there is just nothing new here. “The Losers” is filled to overflow with been there, done that action set pieces and dull, lifeless effects and quick edits.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan is solid actor with a strong, manly appeal. His weathered mug and half smile seem built for gritty, grunge action movies. Too bad for him that “The Losers” is a slick, lifeless effects movie and not the kind of grungy, punk rock war movie that might suit Morgan and his performance here far better. That said, Morgan has a great sexual chemistry with “Avatar” angel Zoe Saldana and their sex scene is arguably the only reason to see “The Losers.”

Sadly, this movie is not about watching good looking people get down. Rather, The Losers is a lame caper flick in which the caper isn't very clever or original and the film-making is derivative and dull. “The Losers,” I am told, is based on a popular series of comic books. I am further told that many of the frames in the film are modeled on actual panels from the comic. This is notable for comics fans and entirely inconsequential for me. Maybe we should check out the comic and skip “The Losers” movie.

Movie Review The Longshots

The Longshots (2008) 

Directed by Fred Durst 

Written by Nick Santora, Doug Atchison 

Starring Ice Cube, Keke Palmer, Dash Mihok, Tasha Smith, Matt Craven 

Release Date August 22nd, 2008 

Published August 21st, 2008 

"Zzzz" Zzzz" Huh, what. Oh. Right. I am reviewing The Longshots starring (Yawn) Ice Cube and Keke Palmer. "Zzzz" "Zzzz". Oh. Sorry. Even thinking about this sports movie snoozefest makes me nod off. It's not that The Longshots isn't appealing or well crafted, it's just not all that interesting. A girl quarterback is novel and the true story thing makes it more novel. Beyond that however, the film, directed by (I kid you not) former Limp Bizkit rocker Fred Durst, is a by the numbers sports movie filled with all of the uplift, pomp and circumstance typical to the genre.

Ice Cube stars as Curtis, a layabout former high school football stud whose life just didn't pan out. Now a neighborhood cautionary tale, Curtis is pushed by his sister to take an interest in his niece Jasmine. They have little in common. When one day Curtis tempts Jasmine into throwing the football with him he finds her surprisingly adept.

Curtis decides to nurture her talent and before long she is throwing with more power and accuracy than most boys her age. Curtis decides to get her a shot with a local pop warner team. Coach Warner (Matt Craven) is, not surprisingly, dubious of the girl's talent but is soon won over. The team stinks anyway, why not a girl quarterback. Jasmine gets a shot and whaddaya know, the team starts winning.

You can plot the rest of the movie in your head. There is a subplot with Jasmine's no good, deadbeat father. That plot, like the main sports story, plays out in just the same by the numbers fashion. Clearly, Fred Durst and writer Nick Santora have read their McKee books. They plot everything on a flow chart and never deviate. Predictability quickly gives way to boredom in The Longshots and boredom is a sin no film can survive.

Keke Palmer is a young actress with a very bright future. She however, needs to choose the right roles. Akeelah and the Bee, definitely the right role. The Longshots? Not so much. It's not that she doesn't perform well. It is rather that she is forgotten amidst the supremely dull presaged plot. No actress, no matter how engaging, can overcome a plot as rote and uneventful as that of The Longshots.

(Yawn) The Longshots is a devastatingly dull sports movie. Despite the very talented Keke Palmer and the likable Ice Cube, this movie was DOA. Director Fred Durst and writer Nick Santora doomed this project when they failed to find something more to do with this plot beyond adhering to every melodramatic, sports movie cliche in the book.

Movie Review: The Lookout

The Lookout (2007) 

Directed by Scott Frank

Written by Scott Frank

Starring Joseph Gordon Levitt, Jeff Daniels, Matthew Goode, Isla Fisher

Release Date March 30th, 2007 

Published March 29th, 2007 

Scott Frank made his name adapting the work of Elmore Leonard for the big screen. In fact, no other writer in the business has been able to so well capture Leonard's unique rhythm and humor as well as Scott Frank has. His scripts for Get Shorty and Out of Sight were smart and sophisticated Hollywood concoctions with perfectly executed mousetrap plots. Now working on his first outing as a writer-director,The Lookout, Frank brings the same smart sophisticated approach; minus the Elmore Leonard-isms but just as entertaining.

Chris Pratt had life by the tail. As a teenage hockey star he had a college scholarship all lined up. He had a beautiful girlfriend and a rich family to make certain that a life of ease awaited him. That life was shattered in one fateful moment. Driving drunk with his girlfriend and two friends on a desolate country road, Chris gets into a horrendous car accident. His friends were killed, his girlfriend lost a leg. As for Chris he lost his mind.

Not in the colloquial sense, but rather literally. Chris lost some of his brain and the ability to remember even his most recent activities. No more hockey. No more girlfriend and even his rich family has receded. Chris is left with his pain and a scar on his forehead. Now working nights cleaning a bank branch and living in a tiny apartment with a blind man (Jeff Daniels) for a roommate, Chris lives day to day off the little notes he must write himself in order to remember anything.

On one particularly frustrating night Chris doesn't go home. Instead he goes to a small town bar where he meets a sweet young girl named Luvlee (Isla Fisher) who thankfully doesn't seem to know who he is. Her friend Gary however, immediately recognizes Chris, they went to High School together. Gary shows Chris a little kindness and friendship and soon Chris has a whole new circle of friends. Unfortunately, Chris's new friends have ulterior motives. Gary and his gang are looking to rob a bank and with Chris's access to a local bank he's the perfect patsy.

That is the surface plot of The Lookout but the substance comes in the performance of rising star Joseph Gordon Levitt. An underappreciated young talent from his days on TV's bizarro alien comedy Third Rock From The Sun, Levitt has made an astonishing transition to indie films with three mind blowing performances. In Mysterious Skin he went into the heart of a teenage gay hustler with heartbreaking results.

In 2006 he starred in the popular indie noir Brick, a film that took a classic forties mystery plot into the halls of a modern high school. Now comes his most full bodied adult performance in The Lookout. Here Levitt plays wounded with such precision and heart rending truth that you can't help but be drawn into his world. As his new friends begin to take advantage of him your rooting interest is so invested that you move to the edge of your seat for the rest of the film.

Director Scott Frank amps up the tension by crafting a tight narrative with no fat, no extranneous elements. What is on the screen in The Lookout is only what is necessary to create this tense, clockwork plot. This no frills approach works to never let the air out of the room. Every scene has a near perfect level of tense pressure

The obvious comparison for The lookout is another tense, exciting short term memory based thriller, 2000's Memento. Both films examine unique characters through the prism of their limitations and finds the truth of their natures. Memento is the more artistically accomplished film but The Lookout is definitely the equal of Memento in terms of entertainment value.

A taut, pulse pounding thriller,The Lookout is smarter than most films of this abused genre. The thriller, much like the romantic comedy and the horror movie, has in recent years, given in to very simple, recognizable formula. Thrillers play out typical, easy to digest plots where one overwhelmed character takes on bad guys and uses standard thriller practices to overcome rote, prototypical villains.

Some filmmakers augment the typicality of the thriller with sleeze. Scott Frank in The Lookout overcomes the expectations of the genre by being smarter and more cunning than most. Combining a talented cast with a subversive plot and just the right amount of violence, The Lookout is set apart from other thrillers by moxie and brains.

The Lookout is one of the best films of 2007. A smart, savvy thriller that benefits greatly from the rising talent of star Joseph Gordon Levitt, a young actor with Oscar gold, no doubt in his future. Were there justice in the world of Hollywood, Levitt would be considered for his work in The Lookout. Sadly, there is no justice and thus the film is almost already forgotten by the Hollywood machine.

Still, there is me and you and everyone we know and we can and should pass this movie on to everyone. Great films like The Lookout are never appreciated in their time, don't let this one wait too long before you come to appreciate it.

The Lion King (2019)

The Lion King (2019) 

Directed by Jon Favreau 

Written by Jeff Nathanson 

Starring Donald Glover, Seth Rogen, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Alfre Woodard, Billy Eichner 

Release Date July 19th, 2019 

Published July 18th, 2019 

The Lion King 2019 is an incredibly emotional and moving film. Putting aside the comparisons to the animated original, this version of the story is exceptionally well told. Director Jon Favreau has brilliantly captured this Shakespearean tale for the whole family with epic music and resonant themes and given it a modern flavor via a remarkable voice cast who elevate the material with their inventive riffing and gorgeous singing. 

You likely already know this story, Mufasa (James Earl Jones) is the King of The Pridelands. He and his beloved Sarabi (Alfre Woodard) have just had a son who will one day himself become the King. Simba, voiced as a cub by J.D McCrary, is a curious young lion who easily finds trouble but with the wisdom of his father, he will one day make a fine King. Unfortunately, Simba’s uncle,  Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) has other plans. 

Scar seeks the throne and will use any nefarious means necessary to get there. Scar’s first attempt to get rid of young Simba sends the young lion and his friend, Nala (Shahadi Wright Joseph), into an elephant graveyard where hyenas reign. Simba and Nala are rescued by Mufasa but Scar seizes the opportunity to convince the hyenas to become his very own army. It will be the hyenas who lead to the death of Mufasa while he tries to protect Simba. 

Mufasa dies and Scar runs off Simba by accusing him of causing his father’s death. Scar also sends hyenas to kill Simba but the young lion manages to escape into the desert. Here, Simba begins a new life. With the help of Timon (Billy Eicher) and Pumba (Seth Rogen), Simba is able to leave his grief and shame behind and grow into a mature lion without the strictures of royalty and duty while nursing the scars of his past. 

Nala voiced by Beyonce as a mature lioness, eventually finds Simba is still alive and you know where the story is headed from there. The key to this telling of the story of The Lion King is how we get to the ending and in getting there we have a remarkably rich and fulfilling journey. The story of The Lion King 2019 is told with music and the music of this version of The Lion King is superb. I won’t be hyperbolic and declare that the music here is superior to the original, I will only say that I preferred the ways in which Hans Zimmer and Beyonce, among others, have updated this score and the original songs. 

The changes are seemingly minimal but they make a huge difference in how you accept The Lion King 2019. For instance, the Can You Feel the Love Tonight segment. In the 1994 version of The Lion King the scene is suitably romantic and filled with heartfelt emotion though it is slightly shorter than the new version. The slightly longer version here takes full advantage of this new style of The Lion King with Caleb Deschanel's rich and glorious cinematography underlining the romance and deepening the impact of the moment. 

It also helps to have Beyonce and Donald Glover not just as the singing voices of Nala and Simba, but their speaking voices as well. The jarring shift from one vocal style to the other isn’t damning in the original, just notable. Here however, the seamless shift singing to speaking adds a little more verisimilitude. That and, of course, we are talking about Beyonce whose voice is transcendent. That’s not a dig at Sally Dworsky who is a Broadway veteran of immense talent, it’s merely that Beyonce is a global superstar whose voice connects to audiences in an epic fashion that fits the grandiosity of this CGI approximation of live action. 

Donald Glover is also incredible but in a unique and different way. Glover’s voice acting in the song is superior to the original because he is singing in character and accounting for the fear and angst of Simba in a way that perhaps Joseph Williams cannot because the character is not fully his. He’s more focused on singing the song,Glover is singing the character and I found the difference to be notable. 

Another notable improvement for me over the original was the performance of the song Hakuna Matata which benefits from the unique and recognizable voices and personas of Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen. Neither is well known for their singing but the way they perform this song feels as fresh and even more alive than the original. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate Nathan Lane and Ernie Sabella but they are notably stage-bound in their energy, limited by the animation style. 

Eichner and Rogen meanwhile had the advantage of working in the CG realm and director Jon Favreau’s ability to allow them to explore a little and riff within the music. Eichner and Rogen have talked in interviews about how they were allowed to improvise their dialogue and even improvise in their songs and that playfulness is part of what makes this take on The Lion King so lively as opposed to the original. 

The best change however, from the original movie is the song Be Prepared. Performed here by Chiwetel Ejiofor, the song is transformed from a pop ditty talk sung through a thick English accent by Jeremy Irons, to an operatic dirge that is shortened to more specifically state Scar’s nefariousness. Where the original overstayed its welcome and tried to fit the pop nature of the rest of the soundtrack, this version of Be Prepared better serves the character of Scar while also cutting to the chase on Scar’s story. 

Is there a calculated cynicism driving Disney to remake their animated catalog in live action and CGI? Yes, it's unquestionably a mercenary effort. That said, the artists who have contributed to this version of The Lion King have transcended how The Lion King 2019 came to exist by delivering a resonant and lovely take on this grand material. They have brought the music into a modern context and stayed true to the remarkable themes of the original story and delivered a compelling, humorous romantic and touching film. 

Movie Review: The Lincoln Lawyer

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011) 

Directed by Brad Furman

Written by John Romano 

Starring Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, Josh Lucas, John Leguizamo, Michael Pena 

Release Date March 18th, 2011

Published March 17th, 2011 

The Lincoln Lawyer” is fabulous pop entertainment. The story of a slippery L.A lawyer, played by the slick and stylish Matthew McConaughey, “The Lincoln Lawyer unfolds a clever mystery populated with colorful characters and the kinds of twists and turns that one wants from a mainstream pop thriller. The story is well told with unexpected twists, funny asides, and the mild danger of a Hollywood popcorn thriller. 

Mick Haller (McConaughey) doesn’t chase ambulances, he has a chauffeur to do the chasing for him. Most of Mick’s clients however, aren’t the injured more often he is defending the one delivering the injury. His latest case however, is a little different. Instead of some thug or druggie, Mick is called on to defend a privileged twit named Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillippe) who is accused of having assaulted a prostitute.

At first Mick thinks he may have one of those rare clients, one who is actually innocent. There is evidence to suggest that the sex worker, on whom the charges hinge, could have targeted the rich punk and set him up for a payday. But, with a little snooping by Mick’s pal Frank (William H. Macy), evidence emerges that not only rocks Mick’s notion of Louis’s innocence but also the reason why this spoiled rich kid sought out a lawyer like him.

Matthew McConaughey should only play lawyers in movies. McConaughey has mastered the glad-handing, underhandedness of a low rent shyster, all oily charm and dirty tricks. He can be forgiven for cheating a little because he is so damned handsome and fun to talk to. He has that lean in and look deeply into your eyes thing of a classic pick up artist, only he doesn’t use it on just the ladies, he’s seducing whoever is in front of him, especially us in the audience.

When McConaughey isn’t playing a lawyer his vapid, fratboy-ness tends to come out and his acting becomes gratingly nonchalant. For some reason, the law inspires a little passion in this immensely laid back star. Such was the case with his break out role as another slick lawyer in “A Time to Kill” where McConaughey turned the phrase ‘now imagine she’s white’ into a gut punch finale to a closing argument.

Yes, “A Time to Kill” was showy and often mawkish but McConaughey’s performance was an undeniable grabber. The passion in his eyes and the feeling in his voice, it was a combination of Paul Newman’s good looks and Robert Redford’s integrity. McConaughey has never matched that performance and likely never will.

“The Lincoln Lawyer” is inferior to “A Time to Kill” but it does share a pop entertainment sensibility with that John Grisham adaptation, likely because it too is an adaptation of a legal thriller, this one by Michael Connelly. Light on the legalese and heavy on the charm, The Lincoln Lawyer has a familiar, comforting rhythm like “A Time to Kill” and a better sense of humor, it only lacks the deeper emotional appeal.

And then there is the mystery which unfolds with a strong logic with an unexpected twist here and there. I’m sure if you lean a little too hard on “The Lincoln Lawyer” the plot might just crumble but McConaughey’s charm acts like varnish over the cracks in the film’s plausibility. If you love well made pop entertainment, legal thrillers or Matthew McConaughey, you will be endlessly entertained by “The Lincoln Lawyer.”

Movie Review: The Lego Movie 2

The Lego Movie 2 (2019) 

Directed by Mike Mitchell

Written by Lord and Miller 

Starring Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Will Arnett, Tiffany Haddish, Stephanie Beatriz, Allison Brie

Release Date February 8th, 2019 

Published February 7th, 2019 

Has the magic of the Lego movies already worn out? The last Lego movie, Lego Ninjago, was a strong indication of the limits of the franchise. That film was so remarkably dull for non-fans of Ninjago, like myself, that I walked out halfway through the movie. I hadn’t laughed one time during the first 45 minutes of the movie and I had the distinct impression that what I was missing was something that perhaps only Ninjago fans would understand. Then again, I didn’t hear many of them laughing either as I took my early exit. 

I assumed however, that Lego Ninjago was just a case of a too insular, fandom servicing, cult piece that I was not meant to understand. The Lego Movie 2 however, is supposed to be welcoming. The first film roared out of the gates with a wide appeal story about an every-man, named Emmett (Chris Pratt), learning to become a hero in a world with actual heroes including Batman (Will Arnett) and Wildstyle aka Lucy (Elizabeth Banks). 

The broad pop culture burlesque of The Lego Movie proved to be an unexpected delight that Lego then capitalized upon with the equally unexpected and ingenious, Lego Batman. That film took the gags of The Lego Movie and turned the absurdity up to 11 and, in the process, exposed the all too seriousness of the DC Movie Universe by creating arguably the best characterization of The Caped Crusader not played by Christian Bale. 

Much of the success of those two films however, is owed to creators who would not be taking part in either Lego Ninjago or The Lego Movie 2: The Second One. Phil Lord and writing and directing partner Christopher Miller may have writing credits on The Lego Movie 2 but the film is distinctly lacking in their anarchic genius. Instead we get Mike Mitchell whose middle of the road vision has given us Trolls and Shrek Forever After, a pair of mostly forgettable efforts with just enough easy to process laughs to be passable. 

The Lego Movie 2: The Second One (and what an inspired title that is) picks up the story of Emmett and his pals, Lucy and Batman, just after the action of the first Lego Movie. Finn (Jadon Sand) is informed by his dad (WIll Ferrell) that his little sister will also be allowed to play with the legos in the basement and the two will have to get along or neither will have legos to play with. Five years later, with brother and sister at odds, our heroic lego characters are no longer city dwellers in a place where ‘Everything is Awesome.’ Instead, the lego world is a dystopian wasteland at odds with the aliens of the Sistar System. 

One day, the alien General Mayhem attacks and kidnaps Emmett’s pals and he must go on a journey through the dreaded ‘Stair-Gate’ and into the Sistar System to rescue them. Aiding Emmett on his journey is a newcomer who calls himself Rex Dangervest (Chris Pratt, again). Rex is introduced more than once by an announcer who puts over his Barbie-esque ability to master many, sometimes mundane, activities. 

The voice cast of The Lego Movie 2 is as spectacular as the original with Pratt, Banks and Arnett terrific in their memorable roles from the original and backed up by equally brilliant newcomers, Tiffany Haddish, Richard Ayoade and a cameo that I won’t spoil as it is the best runner in the entire movie. Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, and Will Ferrell also reprise roles from the original Lego Movie but these are little more than cameos. 

I can’t sit here and tell you I didn’t enjoy The Lego Movie 2: The Second One, because I did laugh plenty during the movie. I am however, a little letdown. The spirit is definitely lacking in this sequel. The premise is not nearly as consistently funny and inventive as the original. There is an over-reliance on pop references that feels lazy here even as it felt fresh and funny in the original. The lack of Lord and Miller’s anarchic spirit is definitely felt here. 

The Lego Movie 2: The Second One feels worn out, a little tired. The look is less exciting, the humorous Mad Max inspired animated dystopia has promise but is abandoned quickly for the excess of a space setting that is less inspired. Tiffany Haddish’s character, a Queen who can shape-shift into almost any character design, is not fully taken advantage of and becomes little more than a plot device by the end. 

There are still enough laughs in The Lego Movie 2: The Second One but much like that lazy subtitle, the tiredness of The Lego franchise is showing. Instead of Lego Ninjago being a one off flop in this budding animated franchise, it now appears to have been a warning that this once flavorful franchise has already run out of juice. The uninspired title The Second One proves to be as much of a warning. They put no effort into giving the film a title and only slightly more effort into making something reminiscent of the first one. 

Movie Review The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) 

Directed by Stephen Norrington 

Written by James Dale Robinson 

Starring Sean Connery, Shane West, Stuart Townsend, Peta Wilson 

Release Date July 11th, 2003 

Published July 10th, 2003 

In 1986, Alan Moore blew the doors off of the comics code of the 1950's with his seminal work,  Watchmen. Until that comic was released, the industry was mired in a rut of safe, kid-friendly superheroes that lacked depth and character. The superheroes of Watchmen were not your average superheroes. These characters were morally ambivalent and often indulged in the types of activities that would turn Superman's stomach. Moore’s follow-up book about Jack The Ripper, From Hell, was yet another seedy, enveloping-pushing work of art, and was turned into a sensational film in 2001. Then, in 2003, someone tried to bring Moore back to the big screen and the results were not great. 

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as a comic was a radical rethink of DC's Justice League series that replaced traditional superheroes with characters from 19th century literature. Using the novels as back story, Moore took characters such as H. Rider Haggard's Alan Quartermain and Bram Stoker's Mina Harker and revised them as superheroes fighting on behalf of the British crown. But the writer of Watchmen could not be satisfied with a straight superhero adventure story; each character was now being shot through Moore's twisted view of heroes. 

In Moore's world Quartermain is an old man with diminished skills. Mina Harker survived Dracula and is now a vampire. (Other characters, like H.G Welles's Invisible Man and Captain Nemo were criminals. The Invisible Man was a rapist.) Nevertheless, they fought evil in an alternate universe. Knowing this, I shouldn't be surprised that the film version of The League is a tame, PG-13 version of the comic, stripped of its lasciviousness and any shred of anything interesting.

Directed by Blade's Stephen Norrington, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen stars Sean Connery as Quartermain, an adventurer living in Africa but only as a legend; no longer the Quartermain of the legendary stories. When Quartermain is approached by an emissary of the British government to help fend off a potential world war, his immediate response is a flat no. That is, until his friends in Africa are attacked, which brings the old lion out of retirement. Quartermain's assignment is to lead a reformation of a legendary crime fighting team, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. 

With the help of Harker (Peta Wilson); Rodney Skinner--The Invisible Man (Tony Curran); and Captain Nemo--high seas Indian pirate and no relation to the clownfish (Nahseeruddin Shah); Quartermain will help the countries of Europe avoid a world war. However, a task this big calls for a bigger team so Quartermain calls on an old acquaintance named Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend), whose unique ability is not pronounced until gunmen attack his home and he survives multiple gunshot wounds. Gray can't be killed (an ability writer Oscar Wilde hadn't envisioned for his egocentric character). During the gun battle, another team member comes out of the woodwork, an American secret service agent named Tom Sawyer (Shane West).

One more team member is needed, leading the team to Paris where legendary scientist Dr. Henry Jekyll (Jason Flemyng) has been banished because he can't control his monstrous alter ego, Mr. Hyde. With Jekyll and Hyde onboard, it's time to launch into the meat of the film. The character introductions are the best part of the film, but they take awhile. Using Nemo's massive watercraft, the Nautilus, the League heads to Venice, Italy to prevent the bad guy, known as the Phantom, from attacking a conference meant to prevent world war.

From here, the film slips into dull gun battles, loud explosions, and scenes where special effects stand in for dialogue and character development. Director Stephen Norrington has an eye for staging, his background is in effects, so that isn't surprising; however, unlike in his best film, 1998's Blade, he doesn't have a story as compelling as his sets. The film's plot? Well, let's just say I haven't seen this many plot holes since the President's last State of the Union speech. 

The problem with this film is that the edge that made people want to turn The League into a movie is excised to make the film marketable to teenagers. This compromise renders the story un-filmable, unless you do it like every other superhero movie ever made, which is exactly what Norrington does. Aside from its literary conceit, The League brings nothing new to the genre, except maybe a lack of tights. This is exactly the story Moore was reacting to when he wrote Watchmen, which has thus far avoided the Hollywood treatment (and if this is how they are going to do it I hope it remains elusive.)

Just how much does The League movie pander to marketing? The team now has an American member just to improve the box office chances of the movie. Tom Sawyer is added to the cast though he was not in Moore's comic. Sawyer is here because, again, marketers thought the film needed an American character to market to American audiences. Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray is also a new addition though not because anyone saw his potential as a character in this universe. Rather, Gray was added as a replacement  character in place of a Moore character who pushed the boundaries of copyright infringement, a British secret service character named Campion Bond.

If you can't do the source material correctly, just don't do it at all. The graphic novels of The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, I am told,  are spectacularly moody and dark stories told in fascinating detail and rendered artfully on the page. The film is an anathema to its source. There are still rumors of a Watchmen movie out there and I guarantee they will screw it up.