Movie Review Transformers Rise of the Beasts

Transformers Rise of the Beasts (2023) 

Directed by Stephen Caple Jr. 

Written by Joby Harold, Daniel Metayer, Josh Peters, Erich Hoeber, Jon Hoeber 

Starring Anthony Ramos, Dominque Fishback, Pete Davidson, Peter Cullen 

Release Date June 9th, 2023 

Published June 9th, 2023 

I'm going to make a strange comparison but here, but hear me out: Transformers is basically, The Little Mermaid market tested for boys. That's not to say that either is gender exclusive, rather merely that the market testing will tend to find the chaotic silliness of Transformers has more appeal among young boys than it does among young girls. Young girls meanwhile, prefer the colorful magic and music of The Little Mermaid to the clattering cacophony of chaos that makes up the Transformers franchise. 

It helps both films that the intended audiences for each film have not reached their full intellectual development. I'm of the belief that anyone who has reached mental maturity really doesn't enjoy the Transformers movie but rather, are tolerant of its existence. As long as their are children who delight over the silliness of Robots who turn into cars, there will always be an audience for the Transformers. Whether that is a good or bad thing is wholly subjective. 

Transformers Rise of the Beasts tells the story of creatures called Maximals. They have a key to a portal between universes and their home world is destroyed by a giant planet eating robot that wants the portal key in order to reach other planets to eat. Naturally, the Maximals bring their super dangerous portal key to Earth where, millions of years later, the planet eating robot guy sends his minions to retrieve the portal key and kill anything that gets in their way. 

The portal key is discovered on Earth by a museum intern with big dreams of being an archaeologist. Dominique Fishback plays the wide-eyed and curious intern, Elena, who will prove pivotal to protecting the Earth from the robot invaders. The evil robots have a name of some sort but my brain refused to retain that. Elena will soon be partnered with would be criminal and former good guy soldier, Noah (Anthony Ramos). Noah has somehow become partnered with the Transformers and is searching for the portal key on behalf of Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen). 

If you haven't lost interest yet, good for you. I checked out around the time I heard the name 'Maximals.' I understand that some of you may have a nostalgic connection to the robot-animal hybrid. I'm told that the Maximals had their own cartoon show that was popular at one time. That's great, I don't relate to that at all. I played with Transformers as a kid and I think there were  animal Transformers when I was into the toys, but I don't really remember. I stopped caring about Transformers years ago. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Three of Hearts

Three of Hearts (1993) 

Directed by Yurek Bogayevicz 

Writtten by Adam Greenman, Mitch Glazer 

Starring Kelly Lynch, Billy Baldwin, Sherilyn Fenn, Joe Pantoliano 

Release Date April 30th, 1993 

Published June 8th, 2023 

Going into rewatching 1993's Three of Hearts for the new Everyone's a Critic 1993 podcast, I was concerned how a movie about a lesbian trying to gaslight her ex-girlfriend into coming back to her, via a straight, male, sex-worker, might not have aged well three decades later. I need not have worried. Three of Hearts would have to develop a pulse to be offensive. This non-entity of a rom-com is dimwitted, lazy and ill-conceived. Yes, based on the premise, it's a little offensive as well but not memorably or interestingly so. 

Three of Hearts stars Kelly Lynch as heartbroken Dr. Connie Czapski. Lynch's conception of a lesbian is wearing a leather jacket and a doo-rag. That's about as offensive the movie gets, even its stereotypes are lazy. Connie is heartbroken because her college professor girlfriend, Ellen (Sherilyn Fenn) has dumped her and may not, in fact, be gay at all. She says she doesn't regret her relationship with Connie per se, but she confesses to not being the conception of gay that Connie envisions for her. Whatever that means. 

In an effort to win Ellen back, Connie comes up with a bizarre plan. Needing a date to a wedding where she's playing the role of closeted lesbian, she hires a sex worker to be her date. Billy Baldwin co-stars as the sex worker, Joe Casella. Joe's primary business is sleeping with lonely older women, often married women tired of their boring old husbands or wealthy widows living high off of their insurance settlements. Keeping Joe in touch with new clients is his pal, and pimp, Mickey (Joe Pantoliano). 

The date goes well, Joe charms Connie's family and while he can't get Connie into bed, she's still gay, she does like Joe and it inspires a scheme. She will hire Joe, and give him a place to live, if he seduces and destroys her ex-girlfriend. Connie's assumption is that if Ellen gets her heart broken by a handsome guy, she will come running back to her. The plan, of course, backfires. Joe begins to fall in love with Ellen and Connie... well, she disappears for a while as the movie shoehorns a mob story into the plot. 

Joe has, apparently, been seeing the wife of a gangster while said gangster was in prison. The gangster is out of prison now and looking to take revenge on the man who was sleeping with his wife. For a while, Mickey is able to keep the heat off of Joe but when Joe tells Mickey he wants to get out of being a gigolo, Mickey lets the mobster have Joe and Joe is nearly beaten to death, saved only by Connie's quick thinking after she's randomly brought into this plot in the third act. 

Three of Hearts was infamous at the time of its release after co-star Sherilyn Fenn began speaking out about mistreatment on the set. Fenn claimed that director Yurek Bogayevicz was openly angry with her for not wanting to strip down for the part. Fenn was already going to be quite nude in another 1993 release, Boxing Helena and had been topless in a forgettable horror movie called Meridian: Kiss of the Beast and she was worried about being typecast for sexy roles. Her reticence to take off her clothes boiled over on the set and may have contributed to several rewrites of the script during production. 

Beyond that, Three of Hearts is a desperately mundane and oddly crafted rom-com-drama. The movie is never funny but it doesn't have the weight to be dramatic. It just sort of lays there and enacts a plot that never comes to life. As with many movies of the time period, no one seems concerned about the actual ugliness of the plot at hand. A woman attempts to destroy her girlfriend emotionally and trick her to coming back to her. There is a dark streak of homophobia at play there and, in general, it's just an ugly plot all around. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Classic Movie Review Sliver

Sliver (1993) 

Directed by Phillip Noyce 

Written by Joe Esterhas

Starring Sharon Stone, Billy Baldwin, Tom Berenger

Release Date May 21st, 1993 

Published June 8th, 2023 

Why is the movie Sliver called Sliver? I believe it's the name of the building where the movie is set but that is such a tossed off mention that I am genuinely uncertain. I can extrapolate that it is a loose metaphor for the films central relationship between Sharon Stone and Billy Baldwin. By that I mean, he is someone who can painfully get under her skin, like a sliver. Get it? That's not explicit in the text of Sliver, but it's the best that I have been able to come up with. I spent a lot of time thinking about the title, Sliver, while watching the movie Sliver, because thinking about the title was more entertaining. 

Sliver is a softcore thriller with the pretense of being a high minded drama. Director Phillip Noyce and writer Joe Esterhas seem to think they have something to say about voyeurism and sexuality but it is clear where their prurient interests truly lie. They want to watch very attractive people have sex and they've made a movie to cover for their fetish. This was not an uncommon thing among male filmmakers at the time. In fact, movie covering for my fetish could be its very own sub-genre of 1990s cinema. 

Sliver stars Sharon Stone as Carly Norris, a rich book editor living in New York City. She jumps at the chance to move into a new apartment despite the apartment having a haunting past. A woman, who looks a lot like Carly, may or may not have been murdered in this very apartment by having been thrown off of the balcony. Oh well, look at all that natural light. New York real estate, am I right. If New Yorkers rejected every apartment where a murder occurred, there'd be few places to live. 

Carly moves in and it is zero minutes before creeps are breathing down her neck. First up is a famous author of 'erotic' thrillers, Jack Landsford (Tom Berenger). He's a former cop who uses his cases as inspiration for his creepy fantasies. So, he's a fan insert for Noyce and Esterhas. Perhaps its a case of Berenger being the stand in for who they really are while the other love interest, Billy Baldwin, is the fantasy of who the writer and director wish they were, a handsome and smooth talking ladies man who's still a major creep at heart. 

The central portion of Sliver is devoted to figuring out who killed that woman who lived in Carly's apartment. But that doesn't actually matter in the end. There are two major crimes happening and no one in Sliver is free from being implicated, aside from the beautiful, innocent, naive character played by Sharon Stone. You can see the flaws inherent in that right? Sharon Stone's talent is not necessarily playing either innocent or naive. That's no shade to Stone, she's just way too elegant and intelligent for the movie and character she's trapped within. 

The murder is just a red herring, a hook to draw you toward what is far more interesting and fetishistic for the writer and director, voyeurism. Billy Baldwin's creep character, Zeke Hawkins, is a secret billionaire who owns the building in which he, Carly and Berenger's creep writer lives. Zeke has installed cameras everywhere in the building, every apartment, every room, especially in the bathrooms. He spends his days sitting in his command center penthouse watching everyone all the time. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media 

Classic Movie Review Boiling Point

Boiling Point (1993) 

Directed by James B. Harris 

Written by James B. Harris 

Starring Wesley Snipes, Dennis Hopper, Viggo Mortensen 

Release Date April 16th, 1993

Published June 8th, 1993 

Sometimes the making of a movie is far more interesting than the movie being made. That is unquestionably true of the 1993 crime drama, Boiling Point. The film began life as an independent film character study of a pair of seedy criminals, one striving for a better life, the other a hothead determined to destroy them both. A small part of that story was about the cop searching for both of these criminals as tension reaches a boiling point and they collide in a tragic series of events. 

That's what Boiling Point was meant to be with Dennis Hopper playing a seasoned criminal low life with dreams of getting out alive and making a life for himself. Viggo Mortensen played the doomed hotheaded young criminal whose attraction to violence would be the downfall of both men. Wesley Snipes was to be the cop looking to arrest the two for killing a fellow cop in the midst of a robbery gone terribly, horribly wrong. 

Then, something happened. As the film was being completed, Wesley Snipes became one of the hottest stars in Hollywood. Seeing that they had a chance to turn this cheap independent thriller into a box office bonanza on the back of one of the hottest stars in Hollywood, producers and studio execs demanded rewrites and reshoots to beef up Snipes role from a relatively minor supporting role to a presence they could promote in marketing the film. 

This is all very obvious in the final Frankenstein's monster of a movie that is Boiling Point. Most scenes featuring Wesley Snipes have him interacting with people other than Hopper and Mortensen. Most of Mortensen's performance, including most of the depth of the character, has been excised to make room for more scenes featuring Wesley Snipes. Snipes's reshot scenes are clumsily sewn into the movie and rarely add any depth to the main story which still centers on Hopper's criminal trying and failing to be a better person. 

Rather than the wild-eyed monster that Hopper would play in other villainous roles, his character in Boiling Point is a pathetic, fast-talking sadsack. He's a man who is desperate to escape his circumstances and when he sees a potential payday that could be the key to his happy ever after, he risks everything to get there. It's clear that there was an important subplot involving Hopper and Valerie Perrine who plays his ex-wife. Wanting to win her back, despite a history that includes violent abuse, is a big motivation for Hopper's character. But, as the movie shoved in more about Snipes, we got less of Perrine. 

There are numerous examples of how executives cut up and rejiggered Boiling Point to capitalize on Wesley Snipes. The most glaring example is how Snipes rarely shares a scene with any of the rest of the cast, including Hopper and Mortensen. The only tangible link between Snipes and the rest of the movie comes from a reshot subplot in which Snipes' cop and a sex worker played by Lolita Davidovich, have an affair while she acts as a street informant for Snipes. She's also seeing Hopper's character as a client, but this somehow never becomes important to the plot. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Benny & Joon

Benny & Joon (1993) 

Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik 

Written by Barry Berman 

Starring Aiden Quinn, Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson, Julianne Moore 

Release Date April 23rd, 1993 

Published June 7th, 1993 

When Johnny Depp took on the role of looney romantic hero Sam in Benny & Joon he'd been engaged in a desperate effort to abandon the Teen Beat, leading man personas that Hollywood was attempting to impose upon him. Having become a teen idol on the teen cop show 21 Jumpstreet, Depp found the Hollywood spotlight for too overwhelming and limiting to his talent. Thus he set out to take roles that would defy expectations and reshape his career the way he wanted it. 

This upending of expectations started in 1990 when Depp starred in the wild and wonderful John Waters indie flick, Crybaby. No one in Hollywood wanted one of the biggest heartthrobs in the world to work with John Waters and that's likely part of what drove Depp directly into the embrace of Waters and his wild 50s aesthete and outre humor. That same year, he defied expectations in the mainstream as well with an entirely unglamorous, but slightly more commercial friendly film, Edward Scissorhands. 

Depp took that role specifically because he got to wear a lot of makeup and prosthetics and Hollywood marketers could not market the film based on his looks. This defiance of expectations continued as Depp took 1992 off and rejected high profile roles in blockbuster features. When he did decide to work again, he chose yet another defiantly odd and unconventional role. Despite still being one of the most sought after leading men in Hollywood, Depp accepted a supporting role in Benny & Joon while turning down the leading man role in the eventual blockbuster, Indecent Proposal. 

The gamble paid off as Depp delivers some of his most charming and dynamic work in the role of Sam, even as he's not the leading man. Sam is a wildly unconventional bohemian film lover whose persona is based on silent film heroes such as Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. Depp takes this idea of a character and fills out the character with a mostly silent, terrifically physical performance. It's a role that threatens to be a little too twee, but Depp brings depth to the character by making the most of the few lines of dialogue the character has. 

The Benny & Joon of the title are brother and sister, Benny played by Aiden Quinn, and Joon, played by Mary Stuart Masterson. Benny is the responsible older brother who owns a business and cares for his sister and her unspecified medical condition. Joon is an artist who is prone to manic episodes, depression, and jumble of other mental health afflictions that seem to indicate that she suffers from either Schizophrenia or is merely on the autism spectrum. It's a bit nebulous but the film is delicate about Joon's condition which helps keep it from being overly problematic. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Dave

Dave (1993) 

Directed by Ivan Reitman

Written by Gary Ross

Starring Kevin Kline, Sigourney Weaver, Frank Langella, Kevin Dunn, Ving Rhames, Ben Kingsley 

Release Date May 7th, 1993 

Published June 7th, 2023 

Dave is one of the nicest movies ever made. This is such a good hearted, sweet, sincere movie that it feels entirely anachronistic a mere 30 years after its release. Politics in America has gotten so much uglier, nastier, and mean over the last 3 decades that Dave feels like a throwback to the 1930s rather than the 1990s. In Dave, politics is still filled with pit vipers and vile men with self-interested aims, but good is seemingly on an equal footing with the bad guy and more than capable of defeating the bad. 

That feels quaint today where it's nearly impossible to believe in or remotely trust anyone in an elected office. In 1993 director Ivan Reitman and writer Gary Ross were able to get away with making a political movie that never once mentions a party affiliation. The film is about the United States President and yet we never learn if he is a Republican or Democrat. The politics are able to somehow be so fuzzy that it could be either party in charge. This would be considered cowardice in this day and age and Reitman and Ross would be castigated by both sides. 

Dave is perhaps one of the last signposts of a pre-internet era of politics, a time where the lack of a constant need to feed the beast that is social media, allowed for the kind of political crossroads that seem impossible today. In the pre-internet era, parties crossed over party lines to vote what they believed in. Today, party lines are so strict, members are rumored to be leaving their party if they even consider voting against the party line agenda. The politics of Dave are, of course, secondary to the humorous conceit and central romance of the movie but it's still quite a notable indicator of just how far things have changed for the worse in Washington D.C. 

Dave stars Kevin Kline as Dave, the friendliest man in his neighborhood. When he isn't finding a job for everyone he's ever met via his temp business, Dave is opening restaurants and car dealerships portraying the President of the United States, President William Harrison Mitchell (also played by Kline), with whom he shares a striking resemblance. That resemblance is soon noticed by the White House who draft Dave to portray a Presidential double to protect the President as he leaves for a secret meeting. What Dave doesn't know, but we do, is that this meeting is actually an affair with his secretary, played by a young Laura Linney. 

Full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review Life With Mikey

Life With Mikey (1993) 

Directed by James Lapine

Written by Marc Lawrence 

Starring Michael J. Fox, Christina Vidal, Nathan Lane, Cyndi Lauper 

Release Date June 4th, 1993 

Published June 6th, 1993 

Michael J. Fox is a movie star. That's both a factual statement and an opinion that I can back up with evidence from his 1993 starring role in Life With Mikey. This is an objectively terrible movie. It has no third act. The film repeats the same comic beats over and over again. It's sloppy and lacking in conflict. And yet, I do not hate this movie. On top of being objectively not good, Life With Mikey is somehow a breezy watch that lands a few big laughs. It's wildly watchable and that is ONLY due to the star presence of Michael J. Fox. Only an actor as charming and likable as Michael J. Fox can make you forget you are watching a terrible movie. 

In Life with Mikey, Michael J. Fox stars as world class failure, Mike Chapman. A former child star, famous for his TV hi-jinks as TV's Mikey, Mike is a lonely bachelor and screw-up whose life is made possible by his past fame and the benevolence of his brother and business partner, Ed, played by Nathan Lane. Together, Ed and Mike run a child talent agency. Well, Ed runs the business, Mike shows up late and nearly costs the business its biggest client, the so-called 'Cereal King,' Barry Corman (David Krumholz). Ed is constantly putting out Mikey's many fires. 

The plot of Life with Mikey, such as it is, kicks off when a 12 year old girl steals Mike's wallet. Angie Vega (Christina Vidal) is a well practiced young pick-up artist capable of turning on the charm or the waterworks when she gets caught picking a pocket. Witnessing Angie try and talk her way out of being caught stealing a wallet, Mike is convinced that Angie would make an incredible actress. After helping her escape with a few wallets in her bag, including Mike's, Mike convinces Angie to give acting a try. She agrees and lands the job at her very first audition. 

This is what I was talking about when I mentioned that there is no conflict in Life with Mikey. She gets the first job she goes for. She is great at being a spokesperson for a cookie company. The company makes money. Things are good. A conflict seems to arise when the cookie company becomes irrationally angry over not knowing that Angie's dad is still alive. She had claimed that her father was dead. Her father, played in a cameo by Ruben Blades, instead of being upset that his daughter is spending time, including staying in the home, of a complete stranger, proceeds to thank Mike for getting his daughter into acting and taking good care of her. 

Yeah, by all evidence, Mike is a decent guy who does nice things for this littler girl. But, she's also a child stranger who does have a family, a deeply unfortunate and dysfunctional family, but a family nevertheless. It's bizarre how normal the movie thinks it is for a child to just start living with a single adult man she barely knows. And then, the movie has her father, a recovering addict, take this information in stride and thank this stranger for caring for his daughter. Yeah, this plot is just nothing but red flags that the makers of Life with Mikey present with zero comment or observation. 

Problematic barely begins to cover this plot. And yet, I willfully pushed past this very obvious problem with this movie because Michael J. Fox is so charming. He's Michael J. Fox, he's so warm and likable. He's playing a slob and a smoker in Life with Mikey and I didn't buy him as either a smoker or a slob but it didn't matter, I just really enjoy watching Michael J. Fox banter with a street smart little kid. It's adorable and their chemistry is terrific. They have conflicting personalities and their clashes in style are really the only tension in this mostly tension free comedy. 

Full length review at Geeks.Media