Movie Review: Abduction

Abduction (2011) 

Directed by John Singleton

Written by Shawn Christensen 

Starring Taylor Lautner, Jason Isaacs, Alfred Molina 

Release Date September 23rd, 2011

Published September 23rd, 2011 

How bad is "Abduction?" I kept trying to imagine the characters from the brilliant "Mystery Science Theater 3000" sitting in the row in front of me making the experience of "Abduction" tolerable through snarky commentary. "Abduction" is mind-blowingly bad from the action to the supposed suspense and especially to star Taylor Lautner who is entirely over-matched by this awful material.

Nathan (Taylor Lautner) is a below average High School teenager who, when we meet him for the first time, is riding on the hood of a speeding truck for fun. Putting aside the complete and utter irresponsibility of such an action, is this the best way to introduce a main character?

Nathan only gets dumber at a party where he gets blitzed and wakes up on someone's lawn. Again, why are we being introduced to our main character this way? Nathan gets picked up from the party by his angry father (Jason Isaacs) and his punishment is a fight, not a screaming match, an actual fight. Dad makes Nathan put on some boxing gloves and box while hung over. What does this have to do with anything? Who knows?

Eventually, the movie does get down to the promised business of Nathan finding his image on a missing children website. The site turns out to be a front for an international terrorist who has apparently been waiting 18 years for one kid to search one of several hundred websites for his own picture.

The terrorist wants to abduct the kid but first he has to find him, kill his parents and fend off some CIA folks who are also tailing the kid; Alfred Molina plays the CIA guy and does what he can to make his character interestingly ambiguous. Sigourney Weaver is less successful as Nathan's shrink with a secret.

Poor Lilly Collins, so interesting in "The Blind Side," so whiny and forgettable in "Abduction." The only way that "Abduction" might have worked is if director John Singleton had switched the genders of the lead characters and had Lilly Collins as the butt-kicking teen abductee and Taylor Lautner as the simpering sidekick/romantic interest.

Ok, there isn't really anything that could have made "Abduction" interesting. Director John Singleton is far too talented for a movie this bad and yet his name is on it. Singleton, who has in the past taken clichéd action stories and turned them into fun exercises in B-Movie cliches in movies like "Four Brothers" and "2 Fast 2 Furious" fails miserably with the same formula in "Abduction."

Taylor Lautner is, I am sure, a very nice kid. Unfortunately, his acting is blank eyed and stony. Lautner has the body of an action hero but the acting instinct of someone not being properly directed. Lautner's eyes are constantly searching for something off camera to reassure him of what he's supposed to be saying or doing.

"Abduction" suffers right along with its star, desperately seeking a direction and finding only one nonsensical situation after another. The plot of "Abduction" relies on more contrivances than your average direct to DVD thriller. Among the humorous low-lights: CIA Agents and bad guys who can always find the good guy no matter where he is or what he does yet act as if they couldn't find their keys with a map.

"Abduction" could be fun just as it is in the hands of Mike Nelson and the "Mystery Science Theater" crew. I am not half the snarky quipster those guys are and I managed to entertain myself thoroughly at the expense of "Abduction." I can only imagine the fun that a trained group of jokers could have watching this hysterically bad movie.