Borderlands (2024)
Directed by Eli Roth
Written by Eli Roth, Joe Crombie
Starring Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Ariana Greenblatt Jack Black,
Release Date August 8th, 2024
Published August 8th, 2024
Borderlands is a bad movie in the least interesting way. Take, for instance, Trap, M. Night Shyamalan’s most recent film, as of this writing. I’m mildly obsessed with Trap. That is a film that is bad in a very interesting way. Trap is misbegotten. It’s a failure in every possible way but it's ambitious and unique while being objectively bad. Borderlands, on the other hand, is bad in ways that are indistinguishable from other movies. It’s boring, it’s derivative, and, despite an all-star cast and a video game playground, it lacks personality.
Cate Blanchett stars in Borderlands as Lilith, an intergalactic bounty hunter who plays by her own rules. If I had a nickel for every time a movie had a character like Lilith, I’d have enough to open a savings account at a local bank that comfortably accrues interest over time. Borderlands is boring in the same way that local banking with a small amount of money is boring. Lilith isn’t a character, she’s a collection of traits that look good in a trailer. She’s got an odd haircut, she’s sexy because Cate Blanchett is objectively sexy, and she shoots first and asks questions later just like every other cliche badass sci-fi character. (Yawn).
Lilith is an anti-hero because she takes money from an evil corporate guy, Edgar Ramirez, making bank on being the most basic-bitch, go-to bad guy in Hollywood, to find his daughter. She’s the key to an ancient blah blah blah on some distant yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the gist. Ariana Greenblatt plays Tina, the daughter in question. Tina has been kidnapped by a mercenary named Roland (Kevin Hart) , former employee of the boring corporate villain, who is perhaps also seeking the magic whatever it is on the wasteland planet something or other.
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