Movie Review: Dodgeball A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball! A True Underdog Story 

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber

Written by Rawson Marshall Thurber

Starring Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Justin Long, Stephen Root, Jason Bateman

Release Date June 18th, 2004

Published June17th, 2004 

USA Today has dubbed them The Frat Pack. Actors Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Owen and Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell. Each has a tendency to appear in each other’s movies either as co-stars or in cameos. They tend to work with the same directors and writers. Most importantly they have teamed to make some of the funniest movies of the past few years. In Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, it's Vaughn and Stiller teaming up and once again the Frat Pack's brand of scatological insanity is in full effect for one very funny movie.

Vaughn stars as Peter La Fleuer, the slacker owner of a rundown little gym called Average Joe's. Peter takes a rather laid back approach to running the gym, patrons come and go as they please and pay for their memberships whenever they feel like it. It's no surprise that Peter's management now finds the gym in debt for about 50 grand in unpaid bills.

According to the bank's investigator, Kate (Christine Taylor), if Peter can't raise the cash in 30 days the gym will be sold to White Goodman (Stiller) the Napoleon-esque owner of Globo-Gym. White wants to flatten Average Joe's and turn it into a parking lot. He also wants Kate, who wants nothing to with him. despite her better judgment she is interested in Peter and his collection of wacky gym rats.

While Peter seems perfectly comfortable with closing the gym, his regulars including high school cheerleader Justin (Justin Long), obscure sports loving Gordon (Stephen Root) and Steve the Pirate (Allen Tudyk) who honestly believes he is a pirate, want to fight to save it. Their only hope is a 50,000-dollar grand prize dodgeball tournament in Las Vegas. Win the tournament and save the gym.

Of course Dodgeball is not about it's wacky tournament but the comic touches surrounding it and the hysterically over the top characters pulling it all off. First-time director Rawson Marshall Thurber is raw but knows a funny gag when sees one. The script is kind of a combination of Baseketball and a straight sports movie. Surprisingly though, there is little of the grossout humor expected of this kind of movie. Somehow the film earned a PG - 13 rating and you never would have noticed.

Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn work terrifically together with Vaughn's slacker charm balancing Stiller's manic schtick. Some have compared this Stiller dunderhead to his character in Zoolander, similar low-IQ narcissism. However when you look further back into Stiller's career to his villainous turn in the kids movie Heavyweights, you see he has played this role before. Of course the same could be said of Vaughn who perfected this likable frat boy routine in Old School.

Regardless of the character recycling Dodgeball stands on it's own as one of the funniest movies of 2004. Right up their with another Stiller -Vaughn teaming, Starsky and Hutch. As long as the movies continue to be this funny, they can recycle as much as they want.

Movie Review: DeLovely

De-Lovely (2004) 

Directed by Irwin Winkler

Written by Jay Cocks

Starring Kevin Kline, Ashley Judd, Jonathan Pryce 

Release Date July 2nd, 2004

Published July 1st, 2004 

The last time director Irwin Winkler and Kevin Kline worked together they turned out the dreadful melodrama Life As A House. So when I heard they were teaming again I was less than thrilled. Honestly I have never been a fan of Mr. Winkler's work, including The Net and At First Sight, a pair of less than stellar efforts. For Mr. Kline, I have always liked him but his recent career showed a career in decline. It seemed the last thing Kevin Kline needed was to work with Irwin Winkler again.

That may be what makes Kline's performance in De-Lovely so remarkable. Even as Mr. Winkler is delivering a rather compromised musical effort, Kline floats through effortlessly showcasing the wit and wisdom that won him an Oscar and the admiration of so many critics.

De-Lovely is the life story of one of the 20th centuries finest songwriters, Cole Porter. In the film, Kevin Kline plays Cole Porter from the time he met his wife Linda (Ashley Judd) in 1918 to his death in 1965. The film’s structure however is not a straightforward biopic. The story is told as Cole is being visited by an angel named Gabe (British character actor Jonathan Pryce) who takes Cole back through his life as though it were a Broadway production.

Cole Porter met Linda Lee in Paris while recovering from his first failed attempt at Broadway. It is Linda who draws Cole out of his temporary creative funk and drives him to create again. She is his muse but his love is not exactly aimed toward her. One of the worst kept secrets of Cole Porter's life was that he was gay. Though he was married to Linda for 38 years, the two had an understanding that never achieves proper depth in De-Lovely which seems too concerned with pop stars to truly dramatize Linda and Cole's unusual relationship. More on those pop stars later.

The film takes Cole and Linda from Paris to Milan and then New York where on Broadway; Porter made his greatest successes. Finally, the film goes to Hollywood where Cole was never comfortable with his big screen treatments. Louis B. Mayer, played in a cameo by Peter Polycarpou, wanted Porter to tone down his wit and deliver sappy romantic songs that play well to mass audiences. In one of the film’s better moments the cast breaks into Porter's playful "Be A Clown" to illustrate acceptance of his compromised Hollywood persona.

It was in Hollywood where Linda and Cole's relationship would go through its biggest trials. Cole may not have enjoyed the film business but he did love the Hollywood nightlife that offered many discreet, and not so discreet meeting grounds of Hollywood's gay community. The film has a minor blackmail subplot but like many other dramatic developments in Porter's life in the film, the subplot is quickly shoved aside for another pop star performance.

The final act of the film and of Porter and Linda's lives came after Porter was nearly paralyzed in a horse riding accident. His legs were crushed and he was advised to have them amputated. It was Linda who said no and because of her, Porter was able to continue composing music despite years of pain and surgery. He would return to Broadway with his biggest hit, Kiss Me Kate.

Thankfully, Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd don't need much depth from Jay Cocks' script to communicate the depth of feeling between Cole and Linda. The unconventional nature of their relationship is communicated by Kline and Judd in subtle ways, in the way she looks so longingly at him and the way he appreciates her love but cannot fully reciprocate it. Kline's Cole is full of the charm and charisma that made Porter a legend in his time. Still, there is always a hint of sadness or guilt when Cole looks at Linda. He can see her love and devotion and deeply wishes he could return it in some way.

The only way Porter could show Linda his appreciation was through his songs, many of which are dedicated to her. But even those love songs had a hint of Porter's capricious wit and many have read more into those songs and their innuendo-laden lyrics. Certainly not all of the songs can be attributed to Linda.

The film’s biggest problem is it's unusual structure, a gimmicky flashback style that may have seemed clever on the page but never comes together onscreen. As Cole and Gabe look back over Cole's life with Linda and his music as if the were directing a Broadway play, Winkler can't seem to commit to whether the film is a surrealist musical or melodrama. De-Lovely isn't a musical like Chicago where the songs are perfectly enmeshed in the story. Rather, De-Lovely wants it both ways. Flights of fancy where people just insanely break into song backed by an unseen orchestra, as well as staged performances where Cole watches from the audience, as he would have in real life on opening night.

Porter's music is performed by both Kline and Judd who acquit themselves well; that is to say, they don't embarrass themselves. Many of the songs are performed by pop superstars like Alanis Morissette (Let's Do It, Let's Fall In Love), Sheryl Crow (Begin The Beguine), Elvis Costello (Let's Misbehave), and Robbie Williams (the title song De-Lovely). While they are game performers, there is a glaring difference between pop songs and show tunes. That difference is brought home by Broadway performers like Caroline O'Connor (Anything Goes) and John Barrowman (Night And Day) who's belt it to the back of the theater style steals the show.

The decision to use the well known pop stars is clearly a commercial decision to sell soundtracks and not an artistic decision to do what's best for the film. I love Alanis, Sheryl and Elvis but they are performing show tunes as stand alone pop songs and they don't quite find the right notes. Once you make that commitment to commercialism you have compromised the integrity of the story and I for one and drawn away from the story.

As many problems as I have with De-Lovely, I am right on the cusp of recommending the film because Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd are so terrific. This is an amazing return to form for Kline who hopefully will seek out more quality material in the future. Ashley Judd is absolutely radiant even as the movie leaves much of Linda's life on the cutting room floor. The depth of the character comes from Judd's eyes, which show the pain of unrequited love and unending devotion in ways the script can't seem to communicate in words.

These are Oscar nomination-worthy performances in a film that is far from the same quality. The two are difficult to separate but if you can do it you may find a reason to enjoy De-Lovely the way I enjoyed it. The joy of watching two great actors show how difficult a job acting can be and how easy great actors can make it look.

Movie Review The Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Written by Jeffrey Nachmanoff, Roland Emmerich

Starring Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Sela Ward, Ian Holm, Emmy Rossum

Release Date May 28th, 2004

Published May 27th, 2004 

Being a liberal Democrat and environmentalist, I am supposed to be excited that a major summer blockbuster is taking up a cause I care about.

I’m not.

I am not at all excited that a topic as important as global warming is getting the Hollywood treatment, especially from the director who brought us Godzilla. The Day After Tomorrow plays at being important in its marketing campaign only to cover up its utter goofiness as a movie.

Dennis Quaid stars as Jack Hall, everyman Paleoclimatologist with a thing for the end of humanity because of global warming. So into saving future generations from what he believes is a coming ice age, he has lost contact with his wife (Sela Ward) and his son Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal).

Jack spends most of his time with his partners Frank (Jay O. Sanders) and Jason (Dash Mihok) traveling the polar ice caps. Their most recent excursion uncovered something dangerously unexpected that proves Jack’s theory about the ice age. Unfortunately, when Jack pitches his theory at a conference in New Delhi India, he is blown off by the Vice President of the United States (Kenneth Walsh). The VP is more concerned about American wallets than the survival of the human race.

Of course, Jack’s theory applies to an ice age in say 100 years from now, which may be why the VP is less than impressed. Nevertheless, something good comes out of it when Jack meets Dr. Terry Rapson who will play an important role when Jack’s theory comes true much sooner than he expected.

Jack’s theory is that melting polar ice caps will cause the jetstream to stop delivering warm air to much of the Northern Hemisphere, leaving it a frozen wasteland. We are tipped to some serious trouble when Japan is hit with bricks of hail, Los Angeles is devastated by multiple tornadoes and New York City turns into a swimming pool.

More bad news for Jack, his son Sam along with some schoolmates, Brian (Arjay Smith) and Laura (Emmy Rossum) are in New York and trapped by the rising waters in the top floor of the New York Public Library. Now Jack and his team must trek through the rapidly freezing countryside from Washington DC to New York to save his son. Meanwhile, his ex-wife must decide whether to stay with a dying child and wait for a rescue that might not come or join the hordes of Americans heading for the safety and warmth of Mexico.

The film has a solid three act structure, act one the storm, act two the survival and act three the rescue. Of course, director Roland Emmerich who also wrote the film’s script, can’t resist throwing in extraneous touches like a boneheaded sendup of the Bush administration that even the most ardent Bush haters will roll their eyes at. The dying child I mentioned before, exists only to give Sela Ward something to do and is resolved with little drama.

And then there are the wolves. Yes, for some reason wolves have escaped from the New York Zoo and attack our heroes at the most opportune time.

Now the thing that is garnering the most attention about this film is its tenuous grasp of global warming and environmental issues. To the film’s credit, there is no mention of saving the planet, Emmerich has at least grasped the idea that saving the environment is not about the planet, it’s about saving human beings. That said, his ridiculous ideas about global warming, polar ice caps and so-called SUPER storms are more fiction than science.

There may indeed be an ice age in the future but that is part of the cyclical nature of the planet. There has been an ice age before and there will be one again, whether we cause it or not. There is little evidence we could cause it and that is where the film’s specious logic goes beyond its dramatized idea of a six day ice age and into the dangerous situation of casting a negative light on real environmental issues.

The fact is that a summer blockbuster is no place for such big ideas. Summer blockbusters are to dazzle the eye with cheap thrills and loud noises, if they can also be entertaining on top of that, it’s truly an accomplishment. This portentous idea of a blockbuster with global concerns only serves to denigrate those concerns by dragging them down to the level of the big, dumb, loud blockbuster.

On top of all those problems is that the film is just dull as dirt. While some of the special effects are impressive, every bit of character including the usually reliable Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal are annoying, cloying caricatures of melodramatic TV drama characters. This is WB level drama, especially the group of misfits at the library.

The film is interminable halfway through, where the storm and the impressive effects are pretty well over. After that, the film’s atrocious dialogue must carry the day. At 2 hours plus, The Day After Tomorrow makes you wish it were really tomorrow and the movie was a distant memory.

Movie Review: Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Dawn of the Dead (2004) 

Directed by Zack Snyder

Written by James Gunn 

Starring Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Jake Webber, Mekhi Pfifer

Release Date March 19th, 2004

Published March 18th, 2004

Top 5 Lessons for Surviving A Zombie Attack from Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide (Three Rivers Press $12.95)

1. Organize Before they rise

2. They feel no fear, Why should you?

3. Use Your Heads: Cut off theirs

4. Blades don't need reloading.

5. No Place is Safe, Only Safer

Sage advice for the cast of the movie Dawn of The Dead, the "reimagining" of director George A. Romero's schlock classic by first time director Zach Tyler and writer James Gunn.

Indie staple Sarah Polley stars in the new Dawn as Ana, a nurse on the run after watching her husband turned into a zombie by a ten-year-old neighbor girl. Ana at first doesn't know they are zombies but after hooking up with a ragtag group of fellow living souls, she soon comes to realize that the dead have indeed risen. Ana is joined by a taciturn cop Kenny (Ving Rhames), a studious businessman Michael (Jake Weber) and a couple with a baby on the way (Mekhi Phifer and Inna Korakoba).

There are others but they are mostly zombie food. Other than Michael Kelly as mall security guard CJ, none of the remaining supporting cast makes much of an impression. Not that they needed to, they just have to run, scream, look scared and be eaten and each does a terrific job with that. Otherwise, the core cast members, Rhames, Polley et. Al, actually infuse a little life into their stock horror characters.

The action is centered in a suburban mall near Milwaukee, Wisconsin (Toronto and Ontario Canada stand in for Milwaukee). This is where our band of heroes hole up and bond over the shared experience of nearly being eaten by zombies. The actors do a terrific job of letting the audience share in the frightened excitement and confusion of this surreal life and death situation.

So how do the zombies come to be zombies? The film never bothers to explain. Like Romero's original, the zombies simply spring up out of nowhere one day and suddenly neighbors are chewing on neighbors and chaos reigns. The film’s teaser says something about there being no more room in hell, and indeed you should book your plans early if you want to get in, but really there is no explanation. Only the most nitpicky viewer will care how the zombies were conceived and nitpickers never make good horror fans anyway.

Director Zach Tyler and schlock veteran James Gunn, a former writer for Troma films, have a terrific sense of classic zombie farce. Though there zombies are the sped up new generation zombies that don't trip at opportune moments or shuffle slow enough to allow easy escapes, they are still a great source of both scares and humor. In one scene, Rhames and company on the roof of the mall play a unique time-killing game with a gun shop owner on a neighboring rooftop, challenging the marksmen to pick off zombies resembling celebrities.

There are also moments of good drama sprinkled between the gore and the humor. Keep an eye on Phifer and Korakoba. Also, the film’s ending, which some may find unsatisfactory, I found it to be fitting regardless of how well it hues to the original film.

This "reimagining" of Dawn of The Dead doesn't have Romero's cockeyed undercurrent of consumerism allegory. Where Romero used the mall setting for his 1979 film as a platform for social satire, this new film is more action oriented and the humor comes from different sources.

I never expected to like Dawn. On general principle, I oppose most, if not all remakes. Even I must admit when they get one right and they get this one right. Scary, funny, gory and surprisingly well-acted, Dawn Of The Dead is one terrific horror movie.

Movie Review The Chronicles of Riddick

The Chronicles of Riddick (2004) 

Directed by David Twohey

Written by David Twohey

Starring Vin Diesel, Karl Urban, Dame Judi Dench, Keith David, Thandie Newton, Colm Feore 

Release Date June 11th, 2004 

Published June 16th, 2004 

2000's Pitch Black was a surprise hit thanks to the combination of hardcore sci-fi fans and a low budget. The biggest thing to come from Pitch Black was not its grosses but it's star, the bald-headed muscleman Vin Diesel. Four years later, up the budget and the star power and the sequel The Chronicles Of Riddick has the look and feel of a blockbuster. In other words, the antithesis of it's origins. More proof that a bigger budget doesn't make a better movie.

Vin Diesel returns as the anti-hero Riddick. With his glowing eyes and muscled physique, Riddick is supposedly the most dangerous man in the universe. Since escaping from the last uninhabitable planet, Riddick has been leaping from one planet to the next, narrowly avoiding the Mercs, a group whose gig is like bounty hunters but with a different title.

A group of bounty hunters, err Mercs, led by Toombs (Nick Chinlund) have been hard on Riddick's trail for a while but with little success. After finally getting their hands on him, Riddick finds a way to escape and take over their ship. Crash landing on another planet, Riddick comes face to face with a rare man from his past who doesn't want to kill or capture him, Imam (Keith David). He’s a man whom Riddick saved four years ago, one of three holdovers from Pitch Black.

As luck would have it, Riddick has crashed right in the middle of an invasion by a “convert or die” warlord clan called Necromongers, led by a man called Lord Marshall (Colm Feore). Imam asks Riddick if he will help fight the Necromongers, who kill anyone who refuse to join them. Riddick isn't interested in fighting for a cause other than himself. It's only when the Necromongers threaten him that he fights back.

Honestly, most of the plot is rather lost on me. Somehow, Riddick is the only man who can fight the Necromongers, something about his nearly destroyed race called the Furions. Anyway before Riddick can get down to pounding Necromongers he is recaptured by the Mercs and taken to yet another ridiculously, uninhabitable planet. It's a prison camp where he finds Kyra, or Jack or both. She was Jack in Pitch Black but played by a younger actress, now she's Kyra and played by Alexa Davalos. (See the original to make more sense of that)

Where to begin with this film’s problems? How about Dame Judi Dench who while radiant and always credible as an actress, can't make the film’s idiotic, nonsensical dialogue sound plausible. Poor Thandie Newton has an even harder time with her sub-Lady Macbeth role as Lady Vaako, the wife of the Necromongers’ second in command Lord Vaako played far more credibly by Karl Urban.

Worst of all though is Colm Feore who is so badly miscast. Colm Feore is a believable actor playing a conniving lawyer or maybe an Enron executive but as a bad guy tough enough to beat up Vin Diesel, I wasn't buying it. If this guy could take Riddick then why are we watching this movie? Give me an actor of some bulk or at least a Rutger Hauer type who could bellow Riddick to death. That I could believe.

Look, Riddick is entirely, stupidly contrived sci-fi, low on the sci, high on the fi. This is a big dumb loud action movie that claims the title sci-fi only for its space setting. Regardless of that, the big dumb loud action is well staged, well shot and a whole heck of a lot of fun.

Vin Diesel does what Vin Diesel does, kicks ass with an occasional bit of dark humor. The fight scenes are badass and the effects are pretty good, especially the burning hot sun on the prison planet that melts people, very cool gory effect.

Did I like Chronicles Of Riddick? Kind of. Take it for what is and don't expect much else and you can be viscerally entertained. I prefer my sci-fi with a little more intellect but occasionally a big dumb loud action adventure, if it's technically proficient, can work on me. Some of Chronicles of Riddick work. What doesn't, really doesn't.

Movie Review The Alamo

The Alamo (2004) 

Directed by John Lee Hancock

Written by John Lee Hancock, Stephen Gaghan, Leslie Bohem

Starring Patrick Wilson, Billy Bob Thornton, Dennis Quaid, Jason Patric 

Release Date April 9th, 2004 

Published April 8th, 2004 

With the patriotic fervor of the war in Iraq having died down, the time for a rousing patriotic war film may have passed. Indeed the producers of The Alamo had to be considering that fervor when they went into production in early 2003. Unfortunately, they lost the opportunity to capitalize on it when the film was deemed not ready for its original December release. Now dumped with little fanfare into the month of April, The Alamo arrives as a professionally made but unmemorable history lesson.

Directed by John Lee Hancock (The Rookie), The Alamo tells the story of how legendary figures Jim Bowie (Jason Patric), William Travis (Patrick Wilson) and Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) came to a tiny church in San Antonio to fight for the idea that would become the state of Texas.

For Bowie, San Antonio was the home of his late wife where he had spent many happy nights. His return to San Antonio and to the Alamo was a favor to his friend General Sam Houston (Dennis Quaid). Houston was to retrieve the Texas army's largest canon and return it to Gonzales, Texas where the leaders are debating their future. By taking the canon, they are essentially ceding San Antonio to the Mexicans.

William Travis on the other hand, has been charged with holding the Alamo until a decision can be made as to how Texas will declare and defend itself from Mexico's dictator Santa Ana. Will the Texans declare their independence or negotiate a settlement with Santa Anna to hold onto their land under Mexican rule? Under the assumption that Santa Anna will not attack in the winter, the Alamo is thought to be fairly secure, allowing time for the leaders to debate their options.

For David Crockett, as he prefers to be called, Texas is a place to reclaim his legend after losing his congressional seat in Tennessee. Crockett has spoken to Sam Houston and been assured a good deal of land and power if Texas is declared independent. Crockett arrives at the Alamo unaware that the fighting has not stopped, only slowed due to the weather and the Texans' indecision over how to declare independence.

The setup for the climactic battle is slow and drawn out, probably because the actual battle of the Alamo didn't last long. Once Santa Anna decided on a full frontal attack with thousands of Mexican soldiers, there was little that the three hundred or so Texans could do to stop them. The setup for the battle has its moments, such as when Davy Crockett grabs his fiddle and plays along with Santa Anna's army marching band. Still, for the most part it's all rather dull.

We learn little about the historical figures of Bowie, Travis or Crockett other than both Bowie and Travis were slave owners and that Crockett never actually jumped a raging river or took on 20 men at once. Credit Billy Bob Thornton with the film’s best performance. Davy Crockett is a poetic pragmatist who struggles with his legendary status that was assured well before he became a martyr for Texas independence at the Alamo.

The film’s best moments are the battle scenes, the siege at the Alamo, which is quick and brutal, and the battle of Houston where Sam Houston avenged the Alamo by routing Santa Anna's army in 18 minutes. Director John Lee Hancock manages one great moment of emotion with Houston's "Remember The Alamo" rallying cry but other than that the film is rather staid and emotionless. Well made, but soulless.

The film is very professionally crafted with solid acting and a well remembered story. However, it plays like a history lesson from a very dull high school class. None of the characters, aside from Davy Crockett, have much of a personality and none of the supporting performances makes any impression whatsoever.

There was a controversial rumor about Davy Crockett's death but it's only a misunderstanding. The Crockett legend is very much intact at the end of the film. Without the controversy there is very little that is memorable about this Alamo.

Movie Review Love Object

Love Object (2004) 

Directed by Robert Parigi 

Written by Robert Parigi 

Starring Desmond Harrington, Melissa Sagemiller, Rip Torn 

Release Date February 14th, 2004 

Published July 18th, 2004 

I like movies with a twisted sense of humor or morality. Often the best films with that twisted sense of right and wrong, or moral and immoral, break with conventional Hollywood standards of filmmaking and that is always a welcome sight.

However, being different and having that twisted sense is not entirely enough. A film must still be well made and entertaining. The new video Love Object has that twisted quality but is lacking a number of essential elements in great filmmaking.

Desmond Harrington, best known as Eliza Dushku's love interest in Wrong Turn, stars as Kenneth, an office drone who writes instruction manuals and little else. Kenneth is quiet and unassuming with that creepy quality people always describe after they find their quiet neighbor was hiding severed heads in his fridge. Regardless of Kenneth's lacking social skills, his boss Mr. Novak (Rip Torn) respects his ability to get the job done fast and for his next assignment gives Kenneth his first assistant.

The assistant is a beautiful blonde temp typist named Lisa (Melissa Sagemiller, Soul Survivor). She is also quiet and unassuming but far less creepy than Kenneth. Lisa has that librarian quality, dowdy with the potential to be a hotty. That is certainly the quality that Kenneth sees in Lisa as he begins fantasizing about her.

Kenneth's fantasies are stoked by another new friend, an inanimate sex doll. After overhearing some guys at work describe this love doll, Kenneth orders one, customized to resemble Lisa. From there things only get weirder. Lisa is honestly attracted to Kenneth and he seems to resemble a normal human being for a time until he stops customizing the doll and begins customizing Lisa, buying her clothes and making her resemble the doll.

For a time the film, written and directed by Robert Parigi, reminds us a lot of last year’s best film, the horror film May. However this script is not as clever as Lucky McKee's and Desmond Harrington lacks the sympathetic sadness of Angela Bettis. Harrington never develops that unique quality to make you feel for him while he does things that go against anything you should ever have sympathy for. The film is also far more predictable than May, until its ending where Love Object takes a twist that is entirely off the wall but not in a good way.

For her part Melissa Sagemiller is admirable in a very underwritten role. The focus of the film is unquestionably on Harrington and that leaves little room for Sagemiller to make an impression aside from being very attractive.

Behind the camera for the first time, Robert Parigi does create a terrifically subversive atmosphere but he just can't maintain it. There is some good stuff in there but in the end Love Object is an occasionally creepy, weird funny movie but also derivative and by the end completely over the top and off-putting.

Movie Review The Lion in Winter

The Lion in Winter (2004) 

Directed by James Goldman 

Written by Andrei Konchalovsky 

Starring Sir Patrick Stewart, Glenn Close, Rafe Spall 

Release Date May 23rd, 2004 

Published May 23rd, 2004 

When it comes to remakes, I am on the record as disliking them on principle. Why? Because they only attempt to remake films that were already good. No one ever attempts to take a bad movie and improve on its mistakes to make it a good film. That would seem to be a more worthy cause than the “karaoke-version” of a classic film.

There is, however, the very rare exception and Showtime's remake of the Peter O'Toole-Katherine Hepburn classic The Lion In Winter is a worthy take on this Oscar winning work.

Patrick Stewart stars as King Henry the second (Patrick Stewart), father to four sons, none of whom are worthy heirs to his crown. Son Henry may have been worthy but he died in battle some years ago. The next in line would have been Richard (Andrew Howard) but he and his younger brother Geoffrey (John Light) led a rebellion against the King at the behest of their mother Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine (Glenn Close). When the rebellion is put down, the Queen is imprisoned while the sons were given property and notice from the King that neither would inherit the throne.

10 years after the rebellion, the King is feeling his years and is now ready to name the heir to his throne. He must do it soon because King Philip of France (John Rhys Myers) is calling upon King Henry to fulfill a contract made years ago to marry Princess Alais of France (Julia Vysotskaya) to the future King of England. Alais also happens to be the King's mistress. King Henry plans to name his youngest son John (Rafe Spall) his heir, despite the fact that the doltish John is entirely unworthy of being King.

Though the Queen is in exile, she still has some power. As the former Queen of France, married to King Louis before being stolen by Henry, her voice and appearance has power and she would like her chosen son Richard to be the next King. This battle of wills culminates over Christmas in a French castle where the King will officially name his heir and attempt to placate his other power-hungry sons and maneuver around his malicious wife whose only pleasure comes from making the King suffer.

This is a film that is all about dialogue, verbal jousting matches that manipulate deep emotion. Watching the King and Queen twist and turn their sons with promises, lies and other deceptions is a sport. Shifting alliances and other behind the scenes maneuverings, sons Richard and Geoffrey show they clearly learned a lot from their parents. At times, the verbiage is so confusing, you lose track of who is scheming with whom but it all sounds so smart and witty you can forgive the occasional confusion.

The actors have a very high standard to live up to. Peter O'Toole was nominated for an Oscar for his Henry and Katherine Hepburn won her third of four Oscars for her harridan Queen. The remake’s director, Andrei Konchalovsky, is blessed with a terrific cast but it is too much to expect any actor to live up to the O'Toole-Hepburn standard. That said, Patrick Stewart's stage training makes him an ideal choice for the role of King Henry. Stewart may not escape Peter O'Toole's shadow but he bellows and blusters his way to a terrifically entertaining performance.

Glenn Close is the film’s true star. Her Queen Eleanor must be the top contender for the Emmy's in 2005. What is most amazing is how Close so reminds us of Hepburn. She evokes the cold hard spirit that infused Hepburn's iconic performance. The remaining cast is less memorable than the two leads but none are so overmatched by their roles to be criticized.

It's interesting to note that the actors and director were working from the very same script from the original film. The script was written originally as a play in 1967 by James Goldman who also adapted this screenplay. This is a blessing in that it's a brilliant Oscar winning script but it also makes it difficult for the actors to give their own spin to the material. Regardless of the problems though it's always a delight to hear such wonderful dialogue delivered by great actors, even if you have heard it all before.

Movie Review Kill Bill Volume 2

Kill Bill Volume 2 (2004) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, Gordon Liu

Release Date April 16th, 2004

Published April 15th, 2004

Much griping ensued when Miramax decided to cut Quentin Tarantino's magnum opus Kill Bill into two pieces. I was amongst those who were dismayed by the choice, but now that both halves of the film have been released it's clear that Miramax did the right thing. As one three-and-a-half-hour film it would have been brilliant, but as two films with a total combined length of more than four hours, we see Tarantino's vision uncompromised. The fact is, Miramax could not release Kill Bill as one four-hour film, and they did us a favor by cutting it. Because of that, we get two brilliant films for the price of one.

When we last saw our vengeance-seeking heroine The Bride (Uma Thurman), she had wiped out her former associate O-Ren Ishii and 88 of her henchman in a bloody brutal martial arts sword fight. Now, she is back on the road and on her way to Bill (David Carradine). But first a revision of history. In voiceover, the Bride explains what really happened in "The Massacre at Two Pines" where she and her wedding party were wiped out by Bill and the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. In one of many scenes of brilliant Tarantino dialogue, we get the backstory of Bill and the Bride.

Back to the future, the Bride is on the trail of Bill's brother and fellow assassin Budd, code name Sidewinder (Michael Madsen). Budd has given up the assassin game and has taken a job as a bouncer at a strip club. Bill has warned him that yhe Bride is coming for him, and regardless of Budd's current state of mind, he's still very dangerous. Budd is more than ready when the Bride arrives which leads to a torture scene that is like a film school class in sound editing and building tension. After knocking the bride unconscious, Budd loads her in a coffin and buries her alive, but not before yet another brilliant but of Tarantino dialogue as Budd offers the bride a flashlight. Claustrophobia has never been so well rendered on screen.

This leads to another flashback, this one taking us back to the Bride's training with the legendary master Pai Mei (Gordon Liu). The master is a brutal taskmaster who, we are told hates Americans, white people, and women. This, of course, makes our hero's training that much more difficult. This series of training scenes have been rendered in any number of classic kung fu movies and Tarantino manages to evoke the look, feel, and sounds of the films he is sampling from.

Needless to say, the Bride escapes from her premature grave and is soon back on her quest for vengeance with Budd and Elle (Daryl Hannah) standing in her way. Budd's end is a little disappointing, but the Bride's fight with Elle is arguably the best of both films. Daryl Hannah gives a comeback performance worthy of Travolta’s in Pulp Fiction. Elle's habit of writing everything in a tiny notebook is the kind of little quirk that most screenwriters neglect; the kind of quirk that makes an average character a memorable character. Hannah has a terrific monologue that she recites directly from her notebook.

Of course, the film’s centerpiece is the confrontation with Bill and to describe any further is to describe too much. Suffice it to say that it lives up to and in fact exceeds expectations with a legendary Tarantino dialogue exchange. The words between Bill and The Bride are better than most fight scenes and the finale is quick but very satisfying.

Where the first film was an exercise in style and direction, with little of Tarantino's trademark dialogue Volume 2 makes up for lost dialogue by providing some of the best screenwriting we have seen since Pulp Fiction revolutionized the art form. Kill Bill is proof that the auteur, the director whose vision is complete from script to screen is where film d'art still lives. Say what you will about great screenwriters, it takes a director to create art and Tarantino is the pre-eminent artist of our time.

Mixing genres from a noirish opening credit and direct-to-camera black and white sequence, to Sergio Leone-style western vistas, to more of the first film’s kung fu grind house vibe, Tarantino is like a club DJ, but instead of mixing Elvis Costello into Public Enemy, he mixes Michael Curtiz into Sergio Leone into Kurosawa. Call it film sampling if you want; the result is a work of art that belongs solely to Tarantino.

Movie Review: Wicker Park

Wicker Park (2004) 

Directed by Paul McGuigan

Written by Brandon Boyce 

Starring Josh Hartnett, Rose Byrne, Matthew Lillard, Diane Kruger 

Release Date September 3rd, 2004 

September 2nd, 2004 

When Josh Hartnett starred in Jerry Bruckheimer’s awful blockbuster Pearl Harbor, his next-big-thing status was just hitting its stride. Then, his first solo starring gig, 40 Days and 40 Nights tanked. Then his shot at action stardom opposite Harrison Ford in Hollywood Homicide also failed. Suddenly the next big thing was next to nothing.

That may explain why the film Wicker Park, a once highly buzzed about remake of a French movie called L’Appartement, ended up in the September waste bin. It is quite a shame that MGM has chosen to give up on this film because it’s really not that bad.

A plot description for Wicker Park is a bit of a minefield. There are a number of important twists and turns that are better left unmentioned. What can I tell you without giving anything away? Well, Josh Hartnett stars as Matthew, a dour young ad exec who has just moved back to his old Chicago neighborhood, the artist enclave Wicker Park. Two years earlier Matthew moved to New York to escape the memories of a lost love.

Her name was Lisa (Diane Kruger) and it seemed like they would be together forever. Then out of the blue, right after he asked her to move in with him, she vanished. No note, no phone call, no explanation whatsoever. Despondent, he took the gig in New York and disappeared himself.

Now back in Chicago, Matt has reconnected with his old friend Lucas (Matthew Lillard), thanks to a chance meeting on the street while Lucas was leaving lunch with his girl, Alex. Alex has a mysterious connection to Matt that is one of the film’s more intriguing plot points. Later, as Matt is having dinner with his new fiancé Rebecca (Jessica Pare), he thinks that he saw Lisa leaving the restaurant, a sight that sends him into a tailspin and effects everyone he knows.

Director Paul McGuigan and writer Brandon Boyce, adapting the original French screenplay by Gilles Mimouni, have crafted a dense, often confusing story of lost love, manipulation and heartbreak. Step away from the movie at the end and you realize that this twist filled story has a rather thin plot. The film uses many flashbacks, often covering the same scene more than once. This use of flashbacks tends to confuse the film’s timeline and leave the audience playing catch-up.

However, as confusing as this film can be it’s also surprisingly engaging. Hartnett in particular does a tremendous job of drawing in the audience, gaining our sympathy and delivering in the big emotional moments. He is well matched with Kruger (whose face launched a thousand ships in Troy) with whom he has a terrific chemistry. Matthew Lillard is quite a surprise in a strong supporting role in which he drops his usual obnoxious posing in favor of real acting.

Lillard does not spark with Rose Byrne’s Alex but he’s not necessarily supposed to. Alex is the most complicated character in the film and also the most difficult to describe without giving something away. I can say that Byrne, who had a walk on in Troy with Diane Kruger, does what she can with this difficult role. If she did not succeed it’s likely because of how the character is written as opposed to her performance.

McGuigan, whose previous film was the underrated The Reckoning, does a fantastic job of disguising this paper-thin plot. His film style evokes a Eurpoean aesthetic, a likely nod to the film’s French roots. From its color palettes to its somber mood, it is very easy to imagine Wicker Park set in the classic French traditions of sidewalk cafes and disaffected artists. The script includes a quick nod to the Italian master Fellini, who also knew a little something about making the most of a thin plot.

Wicker Park is a stylish, well-acted romantic drama the likes of which we rarely see anymore. Yes, the plot is thin and becomes quite obviously so after you leave the theater but the good in Wicker Park far outweighs the bad. What makes it work is Hartnett in what could have been a comeback performance if MGM hadn’t decided to give up on it. What a shame to have your career best performance in a film so few people will see.

Movie Review The Cookout

The Cookout (2004) 

Directed by Lance Rivera 

Written by Laurie B Turner, Jeffrey Brian Holmes 

Starring Queen Latifah, Jennifer Lewis, Storm P, Danny Glover, Ja Rule 

Release Date September 3rd, 2004 

Published September 4th, 2004 

Not being African-American myself it's difficult for me to complain about the way African-Americans are portrayed in the movies. Still I find the segmentation of black actors to be one of the most disturbing things about the movie business. It was something that crystallized with the release of the movie Soul Food in 1997. Hollywood took notice of that film’s breakout success and saw the potential of films with all black casts to make money only appealing to black people.

That's not an indictment of Soul Food, which did appeal to a number of people beyond African-Americans. It is the way that subsequent films of similar appeal have been so cynically made and marketed to African-Americans that I find disturbing. Hollywood marketers underestimating the savvy and intelligence of moviegoers began packaging cheap stereotypes and recycled clichés with all black casts in the hopes that the paucity of quality entertainment featuring African-Americans would draw in that segment of the audience. It is with that same cynicism that The Cookout reaches theaters.

Cobble together loose stereotypes under a banner of one big star (Queen Latifah) and just hope that at least black people will come and see it. The cynicism and dare I say racism that comes from that approach flows from the screen and what is supposed to be a comedy feels disturbing and uncomfortable to watch.

The film stars Storm P as basketball star Todd Henderson. Todd has just become the number one draft pick of the New Jersey Nets and is ready to celebrate. With his mother Emma (Jennifer Lewis) and dad JoJo (Frankie Faison), Todd is ready to throw a traditional Henderson family cookout at his brand new multi-million dollar pad. The place is perfect with a big backyard and Todd's expendable millions. This should be the best family cookout ever, but if it were that easy we wouldn't have a movie.

Todd has a new girlfriend Brittany (smokin hot Meagan Good) who complicates everything by getting on mom's nerves. Brittany was raised in the suburbs, obsessed with social climbing and has no idea what a cookout is all about. She does know how to spend Todd's money, on the decorating of the house, on fancy European chef's and expensive cars, and anything else that might drive Todd's mother crazy, especially since Todd and Brittany have no plans for marriage.

Todd's family is a collection of movie cliches so tired that they aren't worth mentioning other than to mention that Tim Meadows, Godfrey and Reg E. Cathey play various family members too dull to name. The supporting cast outside the family is actually quite good, especially Eve who plays Todd's childhood best friend who's grown a lot from the awkward girl he knew as a kid to challenge Brittany for his affection. Sadly, her part is very small.

The other good supporting role is that of the security guard played by Queen Latifah. Latifah is credited with writing the screenplay, which if true is mind blowing. Maybe she only wrote her part, which is by far the best thing in the film. Latifah gets all of the film’s big laughs, which are few and far between. The remaining supporting players are treated worse than the cliched family members, especially poor Danny Glover who sacrifices all dignity in a poorly written stereotype of a black man acting like an uptight white guy.

The less said about Ja Rule in the film’s unnecessary bad guy role the better. I would tell Ja to not quit his day job but his recent album sales leave him few options.

What Cookout really comes down to essentially are its two disparate lead performances by Storm P, real name Quaran Pender, and Jennifer Lewis. When I say disparate I mean they are two very different performances. Where Pender melts unnoticeable into the scenery while Lewis stands out and damn near makes this thing work with her sheer force of will. Lewis' role is an underwritten cliche, clipped together from pieces of other movies featuring domineering black mothers. Yet Lewis manages to make many of her scenes work. Were the film about her and not Storm P's character the movie might have had a chance.

Sadly, who am I kidding, this film never had a chance. Cookout is the cynical invention of a marketing department salivating at the opportunity to appeal to what they see as a reliable niche market. They aren't concerned with making good movies starring African-American casts, the studios simply want them cheap and fast with the thought that just having black people in starring roles is enough to draw small segmented audiences, just enough to make a little profit. Cynicism is bad enough but combined with racism as it is here it's disturbing.

Movie Review Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) 

Directed by Danny Leiner

Written by Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg

Starring John Cho, Kal Penn, Neil Patrick Harris, Ryan Reynolds, Anthony Anderson, Malin Akerman

Release Date July 30th, 2004 

Published July 29th, 2004 

I can’t be the only one for whom the words “From the Director of Dude Where’s My Car” are not reassuring. That said, you can’t judge a filmmaker by his only film. Director Danny Leiner deserves a chance to make a second impression. However, when I heard that his Dude follow-up was called Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, I was less than enthusiastic. From the depths of low expectations can spring something amazing and Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle is amazing for the fact that it doesn’t suck.

Harold and Kumar are your typically mismatched pair of lifelong friends. Harold (John Cho) is a neurotic investment banker who is constantly put upon by his co-workers. Kumar (Kal Penn) has a high IQ and the test scores to go to any med school in the country, but he’d rather live off of his dad’s money and smoke some weed.

Well Harold and Kumar have that in common, they both smoke weed and when a White Castle commercial pops up on television they know exactly where to cure the munchies that accompany smoking the chronic. Kumar thinks he knows where the closest White Castle is but you know this is a buddy comedy road movie so this will not be that easy.

On the way to White Castle, Harold and Kumar encounter a group of skinhead extreme sports guys, a backwoods hick with a taste for group sex, an escaped leopard, racist cops and Neil Patrick Harris. Yes, that Neil Patrick Harris in the best of numerous cameos that also include Jaime Kennedy, Anthony Anderson and an unrecognizable Christopher Meloni as the previously mentioned backwoodsman.

The unique thing about Harold and Kumar is the smart satirical way it treats race. Harold is Korean, Kumar is Indian, but neither is defined by their ethnicity. They face racism at every turn and eventually they fight back in funny anarchic fashion, stealing cars, breaking into and out of prison, riding a leopard (see it for yourself).

Cho and Penn are a pair of terrific comic actors. Great chemistry, timing and charm. These two are really likable and you can’t help but cheer for them every humiliating, degrading step of the way. The few scenes they share with Neil Patrick Harris in a cameo as himself are absolutely hysterical. We have seen this type of career send up before, The Simpsons are famous for tweaking an actor’s past persona for ironic laughs, this time it’s somehow fresh and smart. That is because Harris is so committed and Cho and Penn sell the jokes so well.

Director Danny Leiner still has a way to go before we start praising his technique but this is unquestionably an improvement over Dude Where’s My Car. Of course, ninety minutes of blank screen would be an improvement over that film, but I’m trying to pay the guy a compliment. Harold and Kumar is a stoner comedy with all the stoner comedy beats and expected jokes. It’s juvenile and wades into the muck of gross out humor that genre does best.

Harold and Kumar would be valuable for just providing the rare starring role for a Korean guy and an Indian guy. It transcends that because those guys are actually very funny.

Movie Review: The Village

The Village (2004) 

Directed by M Night Shyamalan 

Written by M Night Shyamalan

Starring Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, Bryce Dallas Howard, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver 

Release Date July 30th, 2004 

Published July 19th, 2021 

The Village is a real trip, an at times exceptionally well acted, epically misguided story of outsiders with a deep, dark secret. The film stars Joaquin Phoenix as Lucius and Bryce Dallas Howard as Ivy. Despite a slow start, the film slowly evolves as a mysterious 19th century romance with a twist of horror movie monsters hanging over it. The couple are residents of a colony that is cut off from the rest of the nearby towns by a forest populated by monsters who live in a delicate detente with the residents of The Village.

The town elders, led by William Hurt as Ivy’s father, Edward Walker, have raised their families in fear of the creatures who are fed a sacrifice of animal flesh on a weekly basis. Residents of the Village are not allowed to enter the forest and must not wear the forbidden color, red, which is said to set off the creatures. As we join the story, the monsters are believed to be raiding the town at night and causing a panic.

In the midst of the panic, Lucius begins to spend more and more time looking in on Ivy and her family and while he is a character of few words, Joaquin Phoenix as an actor communicates all we need to know about Lucius, he’s in love with Ivy and shows it by becoming her de-facto protector. For her part, Ivy is far more open and vocal about her feelings and these two approaches collide in the best scene in The Village in which they eventually declare their love.

I had forgotten about The Village since seeing it on the big screen in 2004. This led to a wild viewing experience in which I was convinced that I completely disliked it and then shocked to find myself deeply invested and enjoying it during this rewatch. No joke, I was riveted by the performances by Joaquin Phoenix, Bryce Dallas Howard, William Hurt and the supporting players including the brilliant Brendan Gleeson and Sigourney Weaver.

Then the third act hit and my memory came rushing back. Now I remember why I hated The Village back in 2004. The third act of The Village is a complete trainwreck. From the moment that Joaquin Phoenix is knocked into a plot device coma to the reveal of the big twist well before the actual end of the movie to the nonsensical and self indulgent ending, The Village goes completely off the rails.

The next section of this review of The Village goes into spoilers so if you still haven’t seen The Village and want to remain unspoiled, jump off now and come back after you see the movie, it’s on Netflix. We’ll be here when you get back.

The big twist of The Village is despite the setting in a village that even the tombstones indicate exists in the late 1800’s, the movie is actually set in modern America 2004. The monsters that provide the oppressive atmosphere of the first two acts aren’t real. The town elders portray the monsters as a way of keeping their families from trying to leave the village and find out about the modern world outside the forest.

William Hurt, it turns out, is a secret billionaire who, with the help of the elders, created The Village as a way of escaping the crime of the modern world that had tragically taken the lives of members of every family in town. This ‘twist’ is deeply problematic in numerous ways. For instance, why convince everyone they can’t wear red? Why make red a plot point at all? It never becomes important, especially after Hurt admits to making up the rules along the way/ 

At one point, after the creatures are revealed as not real, Bryce Dallas Howard, whose character is blind, is seen to have wandered into a field of red flowers and tense music plays and you’re baffled as you know there is no danger and she knows there is no danger and yet the movie wants the scene to be suspenseful because of the monsters. The monsters that, by this point, he's already revealed as fake. Why would we be afraid in this scene?

Why didn't the elders simply declare themselves Amish and create a colony based on those values? Why the elaborate ruse about the outside world? I get that they want to frighten the children into never leaving but there has to be something simpler than goofy-looking woods' monsters to convince people from leaving. This just seems like a lot of unnecessary work to hide a secret that doesn't need much hiding.

Shyamalan directs the third act of The Village as if he hadn’t revealed the twist ending at the start of the act. The movie straight up has William Hurt admit the elaborate lie to Bryce Dallas Howard and then sends her on a journey through the now completely safe woods that is then played as if there were still real monsters on the loose. When Howard finally makes it out of the woods it appears Shyamalan wants us to be surprised that we are in modern day America.

That would be fine if he didn’t tell us that before she ever actually left the village. The only real tension is that Howard’s Ivy is blind and must find her way through the forest alone and blind. This is something she manages quite well under the dire circumstances but raises the question of why Hurt didn’t just go himself. He gives some nonsense about how he vowed to never leave the village and yet he reveals the lies about everything to his blind daughter and then encourages her to leave the village on her own? Blind, going into the woods alone. At the very least, that’s awful parenting.

The Village stinks because it wastes two acts of a really compelling drama on a twist that wasn’t a twist and a series of nonsensical story beats that the script undercuts by revealing everything far too soon. We get the secret about the fake monsters and the modern day setting before Ivy leaves into the forest. The film has an action beat left courtesy of Adrien Brody’s offensive burlesque of a mentally challenged man but that’s not what we have been building toward.

We were promised a twist ala The Sixth Sense and what we got instead was a third act that would come to define the worst traits of M Night Shyamalan, his tendency toward convoluted and overwrought twist endings and big plot moments. In the third act, Shyamalan abandons the strength and heart of the film, the love story between Joaquin Phoenix and Bryce Dallas Howard in favor of nonsense action movie chases and a twist that he spoils himself before it can surprise us.

It’s a shame because there were two thirds of a really compelling movie in The Village.

Movie Review: Exorcist The Beginning

Exoricist The Beginning (2004) 

Directed by Renny Harlin 

Written by Alexi Hawley 

Starring Stellan Skarsgard, James D'arcy, Izabella Scorupco 

Release Date August 20th, 2004 

Published August 21st, 2004 

Let me begin this review with a confession. Readers of my columns already know that I have written frequently about the troubles plaguing The Exorcist film series. I have been quite critical of the film’s producers for jettisoning director Paul Schrader in favor of Renny Harlin because they felt Schrader did not deliver the kind of disgusting gore they had requested. Schrader's shabby treatment is a shadow over this film and until his finished version is released on DVD, that demon cannot be 'exorcised'.

With that out the way and my bias clearly in the open, we can discuss this highly unusual and tragically awful film Exorcist: The Beginning.

Father Lancaster Merrin (Stellan Skarsgard) is famous for having saved the life of young Regan McNeil in 1971's The Exorcist but he was not always a priest. In the 1950's, he was just another archaeologist digging up fossils in British-controlled North Africa. Merrin's days are spent drinking and nights spent tormented by memories of the time when he lost his faith in God. One day as Merrin is drinking, he is visited by a representative of the British government requesting that he take part in an archaeological dig that has uncovered an ancient church buried beneath the desert.

It is clear that Merrin's expertise as both a priest and archaeologist are what are being requested and Merrin is insistent that he no longer has religion in his life. Still his curiosity is piqued and soon he is off to the desert where the natives are restlessly and warily uncovering one of the most unusual finds in history. It is a church buried beneath the desert. On the dig, Merrin is joined by a priest from the Vatican, Father Francis (James D'arcy) who is to track Merrin's progress and report back to Rome, something Merrin is unhappy about. Father Francis believes this church may be the place where Lucifer fell.

Merrin is not there long before strange things begin happening. Villagers are falling ill, Hyena's are circling the camp and becoming increasingly aggressive. Eventually a young boy named Joseph (Remy Sweeney) is taken ill and the camp physician Doctor Sarah (Isabella Scorupco) can't find what is wrong with him. The villagers believe the boy is possessed and want to sacrifice him. It's up to Merrin and Sarah to protect him and eventually they will try and save him, exorcising him with the help of Father D'arcy. From there the film has a twist so mind-blowingly ridiculous it's worth the price of admission. Laughable is the best way to describe it. Campy kitsch. So funny I could almost recommend it, if you didn't have to sit through the rest of the film to get to it

Exorcist: The Beginning may sound like a straightforward story of one man's struggle with his faith and his spiritual reclamation but as directed by Renny Harlin it is a shrill, stupid horror cliche of bad twists and an insatiable lust for gore. The reason director Paul Schrader was dismissed and the film entirely reshot was that it wasn't gory enough for producer James G. Robinson. Renny Harlin made certain he did not make the same mistake and in so doing ratcheted the gore factor to an extreme that would make the most twisted imagination wince.

There are babies stillborn covered in maggots, fields of crucified bodies hanging from upside down crosses, and the most hacky of screen cliches, the child-in-danger manipulation. Numerous children, including the film’s lead child actor are placed in serious jeopardy and Harlin has the gall to portray the children’s murders without cutaways, something akin to child abuse for the young actors forced to fake their gory deaths.

Subtlety has never been Mr. Harlin's strong point, he famously failed spectacularly with Cutthroat Island, Driven and Deep Blue Sea. If you thought Mr. Harlin's special effects work in Deep Blue Sea was bad, wait till you see the horrendous CGI abortion he performs in this film. From bad CGI smoke in the film’s opening scenes to CGI Hyenas with glowing cartoon eyes to a makeup job in the film’s final moments that is something only Ed Wood could appreciate.

The blame for this abomination of Exorcist legend does not sit fully with Mr. Harlin. Most of the blame can be placed with producer James G. Robinson who has been quite vocal about his hands on approach to producing. He was rumored to have considered directing the film himself after firing Paul Schrader before settling on Renny Harlin. Mr. Robinson's hands on approach may be part of the reason why the film’s special effects are so bad, consider the film was finished just days before prints of the film had to be shipped to theaters. A producer’s decision no doubt. Delaying the film any further would push it out of it's comfy August release, a dumping ground for Hollywood's end of summer dregs.

Mr. Robinson's hands on approach has been seen on a number of his prestigious productions like Major League: Back To The Minors, Juwanna Mann and most horrifyingly alongside Director Paul WS Anderson on Soldier. While Anderson has taken most of the blame on Soldier, maybe there should be some revision of that legendary Hollywood story of how such a prized script was turned into such a bad movie to make room for Mr. Robinson.

I have been quite hard on this film and it deserves it. I have been hard on producer James G. Robinson and I think he deserves it as well (did I mention he produced Chill Factor? Sorry, distracted again). Mr. Robinson has a chance to prove me wrong when he releases Director Paul Schrader's version of Exorcist: The Beginning on DVD later this year. He has promised to release both films so that comparisons can be made and hopefully he is a man of his word. Even if Mr. Schrader's version is as bad as the producers claim, it certainly could not be as bad as the film they did release.

Movie Review Open Water

Open Water (2004) 

Directed Chris Kentis 

Written by Chris Kentis 

Starring Daniel Travis, Blanchard 

Release Date August 6th, 2004 

Published August 5th, 2004 

When I was told that the movie The Terminal was based on a real guy trapped at a French Airport, I was surprised. When I read that the left-in-the-ocean movie Open Water was based on more than one true story, I was blown away. I have been scuba diving, rather recently in fact, and the idea of being left at sea was a fear my friends and dive coach called crazy, impossible. No way that could ever happen.

Daniel (Daniel Travis) and Susan (Blanchard Ryan) are your average suburban couple. They have an SUV, well-paying jobs and the stress that your average suburbanite always must escape, at least temporarily, in places like Jamaica, Hawaii or some other tropical paradise.

Daniel and Susan’s getaway is some unknown tropical location where the drinks are served in coconuts and have umbrellas. They have planned a week’s worth of activities that starts with a morning of scuba diving. Daniel has been planning this for awhile with lessons, weather maps and watching Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.

The morning dive trip is marked by a pair of minor mistakes. First, the dive team miscounts the number of divers on the boat, 20 instead of 22. Then Daniel and Susan are separated from the group and take a little too long to come back up. When they finally do come up, the boat has left without them and what seems like an urban legend becomes dangerously real. Daniel and Susan have been left behind and no one knows they are gone.

Open Water was written, directed and edited by Chris Kentis with an assist by his wife and producing partner Laura Lau. Both have clearly studied the art of suspense. For long periods as Daniel and Susan bob up and down, nothing happens. Kentis makes terrific use of what people think they know about sharks and even gives a wink and a nod to the Discovery Channel’s wildly popular Shark Week.

Shot on digital video with all natural lighting and sound, aside from a soundtrack that drifts in and out, Open Water aesthetically resembles the minimalist values of European Dogme filmmaking. Though Lars Von Trier and his European brethren would look down their nose at a genre film, Open Water shows the true potential of the minimalist approach and its ability to be as or even more exciting than any big budget film.

The film's stars, Daniel Travis and Blanchard Ryan, must be commended for their commitment as much as their performances. The two actors spent more than 250 hours in the water surrounded by the very real dangers, real jellyfish, real barracudas and yes, real sharks. Both were protected by some of the top shark wranglers, but that was little comfort as sharks swam within inches of them.

Chris Kentis is the real star of Open Water. His direction is fresh and inventive. His script is spare and darkly humorous, my favorite line “I wanted to go skiing!” The amount of suspense Kentis and company wring from this seemingly limited idea is amazing. A nearly perfect blend of direction, method acting (sort of, if you think about it), and Oscar-worthy editing. This is a terrific film.

Movie Review Little Black Book

Little Black Book (2004) 

Directed by Nick Hurran

Written by Melissa Carter, Elisa Bell 

Starring Brittany Murphy, Holly Hunter, Ron Livingston, Julianne Nicholson, Kathy Bates

Released August 4th, 2004 

Published August 4th, 2004 

I could go on for hours, and I probably have, about the problems with the modern romantic comedy. No genre has grown more stale, predictable and shrill as the romantic comedy. Its top stars, Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock, have recognized it and are quickly abandoning it in favor of serious drama. So color me surprised when I sat down and watched a romantic comedy I actually liked. Little Black Book has a number of the faults of modern romantic comedies but with the lowered bar of quality with which we must judge the romantic comedy, it is a tolerably quirky love fest with a couple of solid laughs.

Brittany Murphy stars as Stacey Holt. I would call her flighty but that would be redundant since she is played by Brittany Murphy. Stacey has a dream of becoming a broadcast journalist and learning her craft at the feet of her hero, Diane Sawyer. Of course, you have to start somewhere and Stacey's start in the biz is as an assistant on a cheesy talk show called "Kippy Kann Do.” Kathy Bates is the aloof host Kippy. Holly Hunter is Barb, another assistant on the show that shows Stacey the ropes and becomes her friend.

Stacey's private life is further along than her career. She is involved in what she thinks is a long-term relationship with a sports agent named Derek (Ron Livingston). The two are kind of living together though Stacey still occasionally goes home to her mother (Sharon Lawrence). Mom and daughter both share an obsession with Carly Simon whose music dominates the soundtrack of the film.

The film’s plot really kicks in when Derek goes on a business trip and leaves behind his Palm pilot. With encouragement from Barb, Stacey decides to go through the Palm pilot and find out about Derek's past. Derek doesn't like to talk about his past, perhaps because his Palm is full of old photos of his ex's including a former supermodel, a doctor and a chef. Using her job at the TV show as cover, Stacey meets each of the exes to dig up some background info on Derek. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see this is going to blow up in Stacey's face but you may be surprised how cleverly the whole story plays out.

Brittany Murphy can be a little hard to take. Her saccharine sweetness and obnoxious energy are traits that may always hold her back from big time stardom. In this film she reigns it in a little bit and is a little more believable, more human. Her biggest asset is being paired with the brilliant Holly Hunter whose hard-ass realism grounds the film’s many flights of fancy and fills in a few holes in the plot. Hunter is in a career renaissance after her Oscar nomination for 2003's Thirteen. Hopefully this role leads her to more starring roles.

The supporting cast is dotted with recognizable names including Kathy Bates and Ron Livingston though sadly both are badly underused. The most impressive supporting performance, aside from Holly Hunter, is that of Julianne Nicholson who plays one of Derek's ex's. Traditional romantic comedy rules state we are supposed to cheer for our heroine and hate the ex's but Nicholson's character is so engaging and sweet that not only does she win us over but Stacey as well, which leads the film to its unusual ending.

Director Nick Hurran and writer Melissa Carter have by no means reinvented the romantic comedy genre, but their script and the attention to detail improve greatly upon the usual cliches of the genre. Setting Stacey against the background of a cheesy parody of a daytime talk show, Jerry Springer-Jenny Jones style, could have been just a vehicle for bad jokes about midgets and whores, and it is, but it also provides an unusually rich background for the lead characters.

As Stacey and Barb dig deeper into Derek's past there are constantly things going on in the background, throwaway visual jokes and various bits of unusual banter. It's a change from the usual myopic approach to romantic comedy environments where the only story is the lead characters' problems with absolutely nothing else happening in the world around them. The ending of the film is its most unconventional element because there is no tidy wrap up. I don't want to give anything away but to say that it's kind of unique and very welcome.

Movie Review The Bourne Supremacy

The Bourne Supremacy (2004) 

Directed by Paul Greengrass

Written by Tony Gilroy

Starring Matt Damon, Brian Cox, Franke Potente, Julia Stiles, Karl Urban, Joan Allen 

Release Date July 23rd, 2004 

Published July 22nd, 2004 

What I have always loved about action movies, or more specifically spy movies, is the idea that while we live our everyday mundane lives, secret forces are out there creating and covering up chaos. Just think of all those times the world has been in peril or (at least the lives of normal civilians like ourselves) and we have never known it. 

We have wandered into city squares unaware that they are teeming with secret agents and surrounded by SWAT team snipers. What about all of those times you have been cut off by some nut in traffic unaware that he is fleeing for his life with the fate of the nation hanging in the balance.  The Bourne Supremacy doesn’t get caught up with saving the world but it does have a few of those moments where everyday civilians unknowingly cross paths with danger -- all of it cleverly staged and playing into a smart, action-packed plot, heavy on spycraft and low on dialogue. 

Matt Damon returns as Jason Bourne the amnesiac hero of 2002’s The Bourne Identity. As we rejoin Jason Bourne, he is hiding out in India with his on the lam girlfriend Marie (Franke Potente) whom he kidnapped and fell in love with in the first film. The couple has an idyllic life of leisure aside from Jason’s occasional flashes of memories that he can’t fully recover. Jason knows he did something horrible but can’t remember what it is.

Not surprisingly, his memory will become important as Jason is drawn back into the spy game by the arrival of an assassin (Karl Urban) who has just framed Jason for murder in Munich, Germany, and has now come to India to tie up his loose ends. Jason doesn’t know about the Munich setup; he assumes the CIA has resumed pursuit of him despite his warning of reprisal.

Joan Allen is Pamela Landy, CIA field director, who stumbles on to Bourne through the assassin’s setup in Munich. Landy was in Munich when two of her CIA squad were killed and the evidence points to Bourne. Searching for Bourne leads her to Bourne’s former boss Ward Abbott (Brian Cox) who has something big to hide. Whether it’s criminal or merely a CIA operation is one of many tantalizing mysteries. From the outset, the only character to trust is Bourne; everyone else is suspect. 

Director Paul Greengrass’s previous film was the visceral pseudo-documentary Bloody Sunday about terrorist strife in Ireland. That film employed a grainy look that dated the film to its 1980s setting. There is no need for such tricks in this film but that does not preclude Greengrass from being innovative with the film’s look. Its color palette, sun-soaked yellows in India, subtle grays and cold exteriors in Europe follow closely the film’s tone. 

The action scenes are where The Bourne Supremacy sets itself apart from other action movies. Especially good is a hand-to-hand fight scene that Greengrass shot with a handheld camera that follows the action much like Michael Mann’s camera in the boxing ring in Ali, the difference being that Mann shot that on Digital and Greengrass does this on film. 

The Bourne Supremacy also has one of the best chase scenes ever. This is on par with John Frankenheimer’s Ronin and William Friedkin’s The French Connection, with Bourne chased by Urban’s unknown assassin and a number of Russian police. Bourne is driving with one arm after being shot and while being chased he must stop the bleeding. And did I mention the car is a stick shift.

The most essential element of The Bourne Supremacy is the performance of Damon. This film, like its progenitor, turns on whether or not Damon is a believable action hero and once again Damon is a revelation. Damon brings an actor’s chops to a role that most actors throw away, hoping the special effects will carry them. He has the serious manner of Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible but with a grittier, more realistic approach.

Though I would like stronger dialogue and the plot could stand to be a little more fleshed out, there is very little to complain about. Screenwriter Tony Gilroy has an efficient writing style reminiscent of David Mamet’s Spartan but with less wit and far fewer four-letter words. It resembles Mamet in efficiency, if not wordiness, both films don't writers are not wasting time. 

The Bourne Supremacy, like The Bourne Identity, is based on a novel by the late Robert Ludlum who has many more Bourne thrillers already on bookshelves guaranteeing more of this smart, efficient spy thriller. Hopefully the next film is as kinetic and inventive as The Bourne Supremacy is; a terrific summer action movie.

Movie Review: Alien Vs Predator

Alien Vs Predator (2004)

Directed by Paul W.S Anderson 

Written by Paul W.S Anderson

Starring Sanaa Lathan, Raoul Bova, Lance Henriksen

Release Date August 13th, 2004 

Published August 12th, 2004

In my research for reviewing Alien Vs Predator, one recurring theme kept coming up that absolutely fascinated me and that was the highly pretentious indignity of Alien fans who cannot fathom the idea of their beloved character being teamed with the Predator. Regardless of the fact that comic fans made Alien Vs Predator the fastest selling independent comic in history, Alien fans remained indignant. They were likely egged on by star Sigourney Weaver who famously dismissed any involvement of her Ripley character in an AvP project. 

Despite the outrage, Alien Vs Predator has finally made it to the big screen and maybe those fans were right to be so upset. Where the Alien has been dramatized by such action auteurs as Ridley Scott, James Cameron and David Fincher, Predator had the capable John McTiernan and Stephen Hopkins. Now both franchise characters come under the hack guidance of Paul W. S. Anderson, a director who has far more scorn than any director of his limited experience. Maybe Predator deserves this but Alien may in fact have deserved better. 

Alien Vs Predator's place in both franchises timeline is murky at best. It is set in modern times, after the Predator's have battled Arnold in the jungle and Danny in L.A but long before Ripley began kicking Alien ass. As the story goes a millionaire industrialist named Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henriksen) has discovered something beneath the ice in Antarctica that could be the most significant archaeological discovery in history. 

Using his vast fortune, Weyland puts together an international team of scientists and archaeologists to dig 2,000 feet into the earth and uncover this major find. This being unfamiliar territory for human beings, Weyland calls on one of the very few people in the world who can navigate the Antarctic, an environmental scientist named Lex Woods (Sanaa Lathan). Lex will prepare the crew including archaeologist Sebastian (Raoul Bova) and a cast of edible extras for the difficult trek. 

What the group discovers is indeed remarkable. It's a temple that combines the architecture of the ancient Mayans, Incas and Cambodians. Inside the temple is a complex technological maze that randomly shifts its walls in ways that something that old should not be able to do. Eventually they come to realize that the temple and its inhabitants are not human and there is more than one non-human in the place. Our human protagonists find themselves in the midst of an ancient Alien ritual that pits two awesome species against one another that could end with the destruction of mankind. 

That's as spoiler free as I can be without giving away which side the humans must choose in order to survive. I can say that, box office willing, there will be a sequel so don't look for a tidy resolution. Does it matter that I spoil things or not? No, but some people will sample this film whether I trash it or not so for those brave souls I have been discreet. With that out of the way, let's get to the trashing. 

Director Paul W.S. Anderson wrote and directed Alien Vs Predator and the hack style he brought to his previous films, Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon, et al, is in full effect here. He should be banned from writing in the future as his ear for dialogue is akin to recent George Lucas, without the imagination. The story is credited to Anderson which is somewhat curious and controversial. Fans of the comic book will recognize the character arcs of the Alien and Predator rivalry as well as that of Lex who is very reminiscent of the Japanese heroine in the Dark Horse comic series. Anderson is the only one with a writing credit though the creators of Alien and Predator films do get character credit. 

It's understandable why no one would choose to sue for credit on Alien Vs. Predator because as it is on the big screen I can imagine people not wanting to be associated with it. 

Maybe the most egregious error of the film is it's PG-13 Rating. This clearly studio-ordered commercial choice compromises the one thing this film had going for it: the possibility of some serious headsplitting gore. Once you agree to the compromised PG-13 rating you have to keep the blood to a minimum and the deaths to their least horrendous. Immediately you lose one of the great Alien set pieces in which the Alien children explode from human chests. This spectacularly gory scene has been a staple of the franchise and here it lasts all of one second! And that one-second shot is nearly bloodless and very cheap looking. 

The film is deathly serious and could use a little humor. Not that there aren't laughs, there are laughs but they are the unintentional kind like when a character is introduced and immediately begins talking about having been away from home for too long and can't wait to get home to his kids. Like a teenager having sex at Crystal Lake, this characters fate is sealed the moment he whipped out the baby pictures. 

Poor Sanaa Lathan. This terrific young actress has had a run of good performances, mostly in romantic dramas like Love and Basketball, Disappearing Acts and Brown Sugar. Most recently she was a Tony nominee for Raisin In The Sun on Broadway. What possessed her to take on this character is beyond me. In the future, she might read the script before accepting a role, that is the only explanation I can think of for her to taken this gig. 

You might say it's noble of Paul W.S. Anderson to continue the tradition of female action heroes but as thinly written and characterized as this character is, she may have set back the cause of female action heroes for years to come. Unless you like your action heroines running and screaming in terror before luck and a very male extra-terrestrial figure enters to save their lives. 

I will say that the film does thrill when Aliens and Predators go mano a mano but the film takes a bad dialogue laden while to get to that first fight. The subsequent fights are such that you can keep score on which species is winning and that is at least momentarily involving. It's involving until one of the species wimps out and becomes an ally of the humans. The last thing anyone wants is for either the Alien or the Predator to be sensitive but that is what we get near the end. 

Now I can see why Alien fans were so upset about this film. Though their venom, or acid blood if you prefer, may be better aimed toward Paul W.S. Anderson than the Predator.

Movie Review: Alexander

Alexander (2004) 

Directed by Oliver Stone 

Written by Oliver Stone, Laeta Kalogridis 

Starring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson, Anthony Hopkins

Release Date November 24th, 2004

Published November 23rd, 2004 

If Aaron Spelling had made a movie about Alexander The Great, it might sound a lot like the one Oliver Stone has just pushed into theaters: A breathy, overcooked melodrama of hot-blooded hardbodies falling in and out of bed in between fighting wars. Oliver Stone's Alexander is a big budget bio-pic that would feel more at home as a trashy TV movie than as a potential Oscar nominee.

Some 300 years before the birth of Christ, one man ruled most of planet Earth before his 32nd birthday. Alexander the Great, the son of King Phillip of Macedonia (Val Kilmer) and Queen Olympias (Angelina Jolie), was never supposed to be king. Because of a feud between his mother and father, Alexander was caught in the midst of a power struggle that leads to his father's murder and suspicion that his mother may have arranged the killing. 

Regardless of how he rose to power, once Alexander took power, he lead his charges to the ends of the world conquering and civilizing all barbarian tribes along the way. His story is marked with the deaths of thousands, but history is written by the victors which may be why Alexander is remembered as a benevolent conqueror who maintained palaces and people in power even after defeating their military forces on the battlefield.

Watching Stone's take on the life of Alexander would leave you to believe that Alexander's bloodiest battles were with his own top advisors, none of whom shared his vision of Asia as part of the Macedonian empire. Alexander's men simply wanted the riches of Asia to take back to Greece or the kingdom of Babylon, but Alexander -- a regular 4th century Jesse Jackson -- wanted a rainbow coalition of subjects who would help him rule the world and mix all the races of man; a regular united colors of Benetton style conqueror. 

Yes, according to Stone, Alexander was a champion of civil rights who even took a Persian wife, Roxana (Rosario Dawson), to placate his new Persian subjects. Alexander was also a champion of gay rights as well often sharing a same-sex canoodle with slaves of various ethnicities and sharing an especially close relationship with one of his top generals, Hephaistos (Jared Leto). The two soldiers never consummate the relationship on screen but it's clear from the dewy-eyed gazes and quivery-voiced declarations that if it wouldn't hurt the box office they might have hopped into bed.

Colin Farrell has played sexually confused man-child before, in the indie A Home At The End Of The World. However, there is a big difference between a broken home teenager searching for a family and an identity and the man who united the kingdoms of man before his 32nd birthday. If you want to play the character gay, that's fine, but do it with more depth than whiny schoolgirl stares and grandiloquent speeches whose only weight comes from the fact that they are delivered with an accent.

What happened to the fire that Colin Farrell used to carry him through his best performance in Tigerland? The fire that made him a logical choice for mega-stardom? Somewhere in the making of Alexander, that fire was replaced by the petulant longings of a dewy-eyed manchild. With his childish mood swings, it's hard to believe that this guy could have conquered his mother’s bedroom let alone the known world. I don't need Alexander to be John Wayne but a little butching up couldn't hurt. 

As for his mother, Jolie's performance provides the film’s only entertaining moments; not for her eloquent line readings or smoldering presence but rather the campy Joan Collins-style overacting she employs. Her every scene reminded me of the behind the scenes scheming that Collins made so deliciously goofy on Dynasty. Kilmer is no John Forsythe but he can bite into the scenery with the best of them and here he's a regular Jeremy Irons, absolutely chewing the walls.

Oliver Stone has always been prone to excess, but even by his standards, Alexander is a little much. His ego is way out in front of his storytelling here and what should be an epic feels more like an exercise of Stone's ability to raise large amounts of studio capital to feed his massive ego. A true disaster, Alexander will be remembered on Oscar night only as the subject of one of Chris Rock's biting monologue punchlines.