Movie Review: Blade 2

Blade 2 

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro

Written by David S. Goyer

Starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Ron Perlman, Leonor Varela, Norman Reedus

Release Date March 25th, 2002 

Published March 24th, 2002

Back in 1998, Blade modernized the tired vampire genre with pure balls to the wall adrenaline and Pre-Matrix quality fight scenes. Forget the brain-dead script and Stephen Dorff's screen chewing, Blade was awesome, pure entertainment and nothing more. Now comes the sequel, and it far surpasses the original. It's bigger, dumber, and even more entertaining.

Blade 2 reintroduces us to our hero, half-vampire, half-human, all-vampire hunter Blade, played by the ultracharismatic Wesley Snipes. He is searching for his mentor, Kris Kristofferson, who we believed to be dead in the first film. We come to find out that he is alive and has been turned into a vampire. Blade finds his mentor and rehabs him with a special serum. Whether the serum worked remains in question for the balance of the film, providing some fun suspense.

But that’s just the beginning. The vampire nation has offered Blade a truce and wants a face-to-face meeting to discuss a plague worse than vampires. It seems there is a mutated vampire virus called the Reaper strain that mutates vampires into stronger, more volatile beings, who feed on both humans and vampires. Blade realizes the reapers are a bigger threat than vampires and agrees to lead a team of vampires known as the Bloodpack, highly trained vamps who had been trained to hunt Blade but now must take orders from him. 

Thankfully, we are spared introductions to each member of the pack save for Reinhardt (Ron Perlmen) and Nyssa, played by the gorgeous Leonor Varela. Norman Reedus rounds out the cast as Blade's lackey and gadget guy. The film is stylish and sly with a fantastic soundtrack of rock-rap claptrap that hits all the right notes, always spiking right as Blade snaps someone’s neck or breaks someone’s limbs. The film is ultraviolent but in a completely cartoonish way, it’s a nod to its comic book roots.

Director Guiermillo Del Toro keeps the pace up and the plot to a minimum providing a perfect balance between gory violence and dark humor. The film never takes itself seriously and never asks the audience to do so either and it is that element that makes this film easier to enjoy than say Resident Evil or Tomb Raider. Blade doesn't care too much about story or character development, it relies on star Wesley Snipes to make the action credible and entertaining. Snipes exceeds expectation, oozing charisma and a dark sense of humor that the character lacked in the first film.

Blade 2 is endlessly entertaining though probably not for everyone. It definitely worked for me and I think it's one of the best films I've seen this year.

Movie Review Sorority Boys

Sorority Boys (2002) 

Directed by Wallace Wolodarsky

Written by Greg Coolidge

Starring Barry Watson, Michael Rosenbaum, Harland Williams, Melissa Sagemiller, Heather Matarazzo, Brian Posehn 

Release Date March 22nd, 2002

Published March 23rd, 2002 

I used to like college-based comedy. Films like Back to School and PCU are charming, funny films. But in 2002 we were treated to the genre at its worst with the god-awful Slackers and the shockingly worse Sorority Boys.

After getting kicked out of their fraternity, three idiot friends get the brilliant idea to dress up like girls and join a sorority. Barry Watson from TV's 7th Heaven is the lead doofus, backed up by Michael Rosenbaum from TV's Smallville and comedian Harland Williams. The guys aren't attractive enough to join a good sorority so they join a Sorority known as the doghouse. Because the girls are ugly, get it???

If you haven't already figured it out, our previously loutish leads will learn the lesson of not judging a book by its cover. They learn this oh-so original after school special message from your typical Hollywood group of girls who are only unattractive because the script says they are. Watson's love interest is Soul Survivor star Melissa Sagemiller, who is unattractive because she gets good grades and wears glasses.

There is not one original moment in this film, nor is there even one good chuckle. The film should have gone straight to the WB network as a marketing tie-in for its talented stars' more appealing series work. Both 7th Heaven and Smallville have more originality in the opening credits than Sorority Boys has in its entire 90-minute runtime.

Movie Review Showtime

Showtime (2002) 

Directed by Tom Dey 

Written by Keith Sharon

Starring Eddie Murphy, Robert DeNiro, Rene Russo, Kadeem Hardison, Nestor Serrano 

Release Date March 15th, 2002

Published March 14th, 2002 

The buddy cop movie is a dying genre. For every Rush Hour and Lethal Weapon there are any number of odd couple mismatched partners. One partner is the gruff vet, the other is the crazy wildman. They fly around big cities fighting drug dealers and terrorists, blowing up city blocks and killing any number of people with no consequence. The latest example of this mindless stupidity is the Deniro-Murphy mismatched buddy cop movie Showtime.

Robert Deniro is the gruff but lovable detective who breaks all the rules, and always gets his man. Deniro's most recent bust cost the city of Los Angeles millions of dollars. The only way to pay the debt is to team up with a pretty TV producer (Rene Russo) for a Cops-style reality TV show. Of course Deniro, while he's a good cop, isn't very friendly. The producer decides he needs a wacky partner. Enter Eddie Murphy as a beat cop who wants to be an actor. Eddie sees the TV show as a way to further his acting career. So now we have our gruff but lovable lead and wacky off the wall partner, now we need a colorful bad guy.

Well the bad guy in Showtime wasn't all that colorful, I honestly can't remember whether the baddies were drug dealer or terrorists. Actually, they might have been drug-dealing terrorists. It doesn't really matter.

Eddie Murphy is a spectacularly funny actor, but he needs to make better decisions. As the star of Beverly Hills Cop, Murphy was Mr. Attitude. He was the coolest guy in the room and he knew it. In Murphy's most recent roles he has allowed himself to become less confident, less cool. Murphy has allowed himself to be made the fool. Eddie's appeal is as the Bugs Bunny of the action movie. He is at his best when his character is one step ahead of everybody, cracking wise and kicking ass. In Showtime and his most recent work he has been buffoonish and it's not fun to watch. Like Willie Mays with the New York Mets or Michael Jordan with the Washington Wizards, Eddie Murphy has lost a step.

It isn't just Murphy that makes Showtime a dull movie. Combine Murphy's performance with Deniro's sleepwalking and the lame dying mismatched buddy cop movie and you get Showtime. 

Movie Review Resident Evil

Resident Evil (2002) 

Directed by Paul W.S Anderson

Written by Paul W.S Anderson 

Starring Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, 

Release Date March 15th, 2002 

Published March 15th, 2002 

I hate science fiction!

If it's not Star Wars or Star Trek: Next Generation, it's almost guaranteed I'm going to hate it. So you're probably wondering why I would subject myself to the Sci-fi schlock of Resident Evil. Maybe I'm a movie masochist. Or maybe I'm open-minded enough to see a film before I judge it. Or maybe I heard Milla Jovavich gets naked and I'm just a perv.

Resident Evil is the latest video game-to-movie adaptation, a combination that has yet to yield a solid effort. It's the oh so original story of an evil, futuristic corporation that develops evil biological weapons because they are a corporation and they are evil. After a break-in leads to a biological weapon being deployed in the evil corporation's evil underground lab, killing thousands of employees, the company's evil supercomputer locks down the facility. The company then sends in their crack security team to investigate. Well, investigate or just blow stuff up and die weird painful deaths, it's all in how you look at it.

That leaves our heroine Milla Jovavich to fight the evil supercomputer which is a combination of Hal from 2001 and the little girl from Poltergeist. She's not just fighting the computer though; there are also the zombified corpses of the evil corporation's former employees.

All of which makes Resident Evil a weird amalgamation of George Romero's Living Dead and every bad science fiction movie of the last 4 years from Hollow Man to Ghosts Of Mars. The most egregious are the direct lift from Ghosts of Mars. I kid you not, Resident Evil lifts an entire scene directly from Ghosts.

Milla Jovovich is a talented actress and she does all she can with the material she is given. The same goes for her co-star, Girlfight's Michele Rodriguez, who hits all the tough girl poses that in a better film might make her a viable choice for an action leading lady.

Resident Evil isn't the worst video game adaptation, that title still belongs to Super Mario Bros. and Tomb Raider. That's about the nicest thing I can say about Resident Evil.

Movie Review Kissing Jessica Stein

Kissing Jessica Stein (2002)

Directed by Charles Herman-Wurmfeld

Written by Heather Juergensen, Jennifer Westfeldt

Starring Heather Juergensen, Jennifer Westfeldt, Scott Cohen, Jackie Hoffman, Tovah Feldshuh, Michael Ealy, Jon Hamm 

Release Date March 13th, 2002 

Published September 18th, 2002 

When it comes lesbian relationships in film, we generally get distracted by the sex stuff and the relationship aspect gets lost. That is not the problem with the comedy Kissing Jessica Stein. In fact you would be hard pressed to find many problems in this wonderful comic romance. Written by and starring Heather Juergensen and Jennifer Westfeldt, and adapted from their stage play, Lipschtick, Kissing Jessica Stein is the non PC story of two straight women who begin a tentative lesbian romance. 

Helen (Juergensen) is an art gallery owner who has dabbled in bisexuality but is first glimpsed cheating on a jerk boyfriend in the middle of a gallery show. Helen is tiring of the meaningless sex and is exhausted of men so she places a personal ad seeking a woman. Helen's ad catches the eye of a copy editor named Jessica (Westfeldt) almost by accident. As Jessica and some friends are glancing over the personals they come across an ad in which there is a quote from Jessica's favorite poet. While Jessica's friends dismiss the ad after finding it's a women, Jessica finds herself strangely intrigued. In a move that totally goes against her conservative nature, Jessica answers the ad.

Helen and Jessica hit it off and thus begins a series of funny, sweet moments of a budding relationship. The film is well written and well acted. It's no surprise that Juergenson and Westfeldt, who have been doing this material for a long time, have chemistry unmatched by many straight romantic comedy couplings.

The supporting cast is as strong as the two leads, especially veteran actress Tovah Feldshuh as Jessica's mother. The role could have been a sitcom knockoff of a stereotypical overbearing Jewish mother. Instead, Feldshuh brings a wonderful calmness and ease to her performance and has one extraordinary scene with Westfeldt as she finally opens up about the new relationship that is funny, smart and touching.

Kissing Jessica Stein never gets overly caught up in the sexuality of Helen and Jessica's relationship, at least not in the sleazy B-movie way most lesbian relations are treated. Sex is an issue in their relationship but it isn't the only issue. While the ending left me cold, I still really liked Kissing Jessica Stein, one of the best comedies of the year.

Movie Review: The Time Machine

The Time Machine (2002) 

Directed by Simon Wells

Written by John Logan 

Starring Guy Pearce, Jeremy Irons, Samantha Mumba, Mark Addy, Orlando Jones, Doug Jones

Release Date March 8th, 2002

Published March 7th, 2002 

I have never read the classic story of The Time Machine by HG Wells but the story is so iconic and the idea of time travel so enticing I feel like I've read it. Though now after having seen this film version of The Time Machine I'm glad I never picked up the book.

For the uninitiated The Time Machine is the story of a doofus scientist Alexander Hartdegan, played by Guy Pearce, who after his fiancée is murdered becomes obsessed with going back in time and changing what happened saving her life. Hartdegan accomplishes time travel but finds himself unable to alter the past, for some reason no matter how he changes things his fiancée dies anyway. These early scenes are somewhat effective and setup an intriguing question. Why can't Hartdegan alter the past? Hartdegan, confounded by his inability to change the past, journeys to the future to answer his question.

His travels take him over 800,000 years into a future where there are now two species of human, the above ground and peaceful Eloi and the below ground terrorists, the Morlocks. Singer Samantha Mumba plays Alexander's perfunctory Eloi love interest and Jeremy Irons, chewing any scenery left over from his performance in Dungeon's and Dragons, is the evil Morlock overlord. Irons' character provides Alexander with the answer to why he can't change the past, an answer so unsatisfying I wanted to get up and leave. All of the scenes in this future world are boring illustrations of the missed opportunity The Time Machine truly is. Instead of tackling time travel from an intellectual, moral, or spiritual angle we are given a dull adventure plot that goes nowhere fast.

The film's main problem is it's perspective. I understand that since Alexander is from 1895 he doesn't have much of an idea of what to do with his invention other than to change his past, but what a squandered opportunity. The chance to see history in the making and all he can think of is himself, which doesn't make for a very likable character. It doesn't help that Pearce, plays Hartdegan as perpetually waking from a deep sleep always squinting and confused. Here is the guy who invented this time machine yet he still has no idea what it is he's doing with it.

And is it me or has Jeremy Irons completely slipped into self-parody? I can't watch him without laughing and I'm sure that is not what he is supposed to be going for.

The Time Machine is yet another big budget mess, all bells and whistles and no brain. Now that I think of it that is just typical Hollywood.

Movie Review Lantana

Lantana (2002) 

Directed by Ray Lawrence

Written by Andrew Bovell 

Starring Anthony LaPaglia, Barbara Hershey, Kerry Armstrong, Russell Dykstra

Release Date March 8th, 2002 

Published May 21st, 2002 

For those of you with no knowledge of Australian shrubbery, and unwillingness to grab a dictionary, the title of the film Lantana will be a complete mystery. Even watching the film I had no idea what lantana is. I though it was going to be a character’s name. I come to find out it is a form of shrub native to Australia that is a prickly mass, difficult to navigate, with a foul odor, but also containing small, beautiful flowers. The title now makes sense as this sticky, foul, yet beautiful plant is a perfect metaphor for the relationships portrayed in the film Lantana.

Anthony LaPaglia stars as Detective Leon Zat. Leon is married, though not quite happily, to Sonja (Kerry Armstrong) who is oblivious at first to her marital problems. The audience is clued in quickly as we are introduced to Leon's one-night stand Jane (Rachel Blake). Leon and Jane met at a dance class Leon was taking with his wife that was supposed to get them to be closer. Seeing that the dance classes aren't working, Sonja begins seeing a psychiatrist named Valerie played by Barbara Hershey. Valerie is a good psychiatrist but still has problems with her own marriage to John (Geoffrey Rush). It seems that another client of Valerie's, a gay man who is carrying on an affair with a married man, has got Valerie thinking her own husband may be the married man in question.

Also on the periphery of this story are Jane's neighbors Nik and Paula (Vince Colosimo and Daniella Fanucci) and Jane's ex-husband Pete. Each of those smaller roles become more pivotal after the murder of one of the lead characters.

Lantana at this point could have become a typical suspense genre police procedural with LaPaglia's detective becoming some rogue cop on the edge of the law. Director Ray Lawrence however refuses to rollover into genre convention. Instead, the murder is used to deepen the emotional elements of the interaction between the remaining characters.

Anthony LaPaglia has never been better. Sure he has played a cop a thousand times but this time it's not about being a cop, it's about dialogue and characterization. LaPaglia shines in a role that if “Hollywoodized,” would meltdown into dull melodrama.

Adapted from the stage play Speaking in Tongues by Andrew Bovell, Lantana is a powerful meditation on the complexities of marriage and all other relationships for that matter. The film is about the ridiculous games we play with people trying to show them our best face. Sometimes you lie, sometimes you tell half the truth or maybe you just tell someone what you think they want to here in order to avoid confrontation. These little games we've all played at one time are what Lantana lays bare in a way that is hard to watch at times.

The film isn't perfect, it's pacing is glacial and the title while properly metaphorical, is never explained, which I found distracting.

The overall intent of the film is very clear and its insight on relationships makes clear what’s wrong with a very similar film, Ed Burns's Sidewalks of New York. Sidewalks, with it's superficial dialogue and shallow characters, is the antithesis of Lantana. Sadly, Sidewalks is also the “Hollywoodized” version of Lantana. 

Movie Review: All About the Benjamins

All About the Benjamins (2002) 

Directed by Kevin Bray

Written by Ice Cube, Ronald Lang

Starring Ice Cube, Mike Epps, Anthony Michael Hall, Eva Mendes

Release Date March 8th, 2002 

Published March 8th, 2002

I've always liked Ice Cube as both a rapper and an actor. His performance in 1991's Boyz In The Hood was a blistering announcement of an actor who was here to stay. While at times Cube's style can be a little too laid back, his persona is such that he's always likable. In All About The Benjamins, his laid-back style is put to good use against the backdrop of sunny south Florida.

Cube plays Bucam, a bounty hunter who picks up petty criminals who skip bail while indulging in his love of expensive rare fish. After taking down a redneck criminal (Anthony Michael Hall in an unnecessary cameo), Bucam is once again assigned to pick up Reggie Wright (Mike Epps) a small time hustler whom he has picked up numerous times. Things are different in this pursuit however as Bucam, while chasing Reggie, happens upon diamond smugglers who try to kill him as Reggie hides in the back of their getaway car.

We've seen all of this before; the difference this time is the chemistry between Cube and Epps who have the easy rapport of a couple of good friends. Unfortunately Epps act is tiresome and Cube can't get out from under both Epps's hamminess and the script’s clichéd action.

The film attempts to buck action movie conventions but the attempts are obvious as if the film is trying to tell us, “See normally it's done this way but we are doing it this way.” This “too clever by half” approach only calls more attention to the clichés rather than subverting them.

Cube is great and has a great future as both a writer and actor. Epps on the other hand needs to work on his shtick, which gets tiresome quickly. The same energy and over the top attitude worked in How High, but in All About the Benjamins it's gone from funny to obnoxious.

Movie Review: We Were Soldiers

We Were Soldiers (2002) 

Directed by Randall Wallace

Written by Randall Wallace

Starring Mel Gibson, Madeline Stowe, Sam Elliott, Greg Kinnear, Keri Russell, Barry Pepper

Release Date March 1st, 2002 

Published February 27th, 2002

I have been complaining that I'm tired of war movies, there are just too many of them. Their themes and characters are becoming clichés, and there doesn't seem to be anymore stories to tell. Well, I was wrong and We Were Soldiers showed me I was very wrong.

Mel Gibson stars as an army colonel who leads the first soldiers into Vietnam in 1965. Gibson is also a family man with 5 children and a wife played by Madeline Stow. The opening of the film is surprisingly strong introducing the characters and scenes which we've seen a thousand times; the soldier who tries to be funny, the soldier with the attitude problem, and of course the teary good-byes between husband and wives. We Were Soldiers avoids any more cliches by remaining focused on Gibson and his family, and merely introducing supporting players Chris Klein and his wife played by Felicity's Keri Russell.

The beginning is strong but the film really takes off once the soldiers arrive in Vietnam and are almost immediately dropped into a hot zone where French soldiers had been massacred by the North Vietnamese months before. These scenes are as violent and bloody as anything we've seen before and maybe louder the film's soundtrack. It was at times so loud that my seat shook as if it were rigged to do so. Once in the jungle, Gibson matches wits with a North Vietnamese colonel, but unlike your typical action movie it's not painted as a one-on-one match, but a strategic match between equally matched opponents.

Not many films have had the courage to show America's enemies as human beings but We Were Soldiers does show us North Vietnamese soldiers who aren't monsters but rather just like our guys. They were defending their country and they did so by any means necessary.

The film's supporting cast is strong, especially Barry Pepper. No stranger to great war movies, Pepper stars as the first journalist on the ground who quickly finds more action than he bargained for. Pepper's war photographer is not some cowboy out to break a big story, but a normal person in an extraordinary situation.

We Were Soldiers is not a unique film. We've seen some of this stuff before, scenes that appear in every war movie as if they were required by law. But Gibson, Pepper, Chris Klein and writer director Randall Wallace make even those seemingly clichéd moments ring true and make We Were Soldiers the first great film of 2002.

Movie Review Street Kings

Street Kings (2008)

Directed by David Ayer

Written by James Ellroy, Kurt Wimmer, Jamie Moss

Starring Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans, Common, The Game 

Release Date April 11th, 2008 

Published April 10th, 2008 

In her review of Street Kings Manohla Dhargis calls the film 'accidentally entertaining'.  What the hell does that mean? Were you entertained or not? It seems she was but she was embarrassed about it. No such shame for this reviewer. Street Kings is a violent, not so bright thriller that succeeds because it is so competently compelling.

Keanu Reeves, at his monotone blank slate best, stars in Street Kings as corrupt cop Tom Ludlow. As he drinks himself into stupor, Ludlow takes comfort in the fact that his corrupt behavior gets the bad guy when the system can't or won't. Thus, when we meet Tom he is busting up a group of Korean gang members, shooting and killing four and making it look like a legit bust. In the process of his crime he saved the life of a pair of missing, kidnapped twins.

The ends however do not justify the means for his ex-partner (Terry Crews) who suspects immediately the real story of Tom's 'heroism'. Thankfully for Tom he has a powerful commander (Forest Whitaker) on his side along with a cew of fellow corrupt Vice Cops willing to falsify evidence and cover his backside.

When Tom's former partner goes to internal affairs, headed up by House star Hugh Laurie, Tom is ready to punch his ticket but he gets beaten to the punch when the two are ambushed in a shady convenience store robbery. Tom survives, his partner takes 18 bullets in what is obviously more than a wrong place, wrong time incident.

The death of his partner sparks a new conscience for Tom the rogue gunfighter cop and searching for the killers brings about an awakening that is as dangerous as any case he's ever busted with his dirty cop schtick.

Street Kings was directed by David Ayer who debuted last year with the highly overrated vigilante actioner Harsh Times. That film featured an over the top performance by Christian Bale that contributed to the film's troubled tone and lack of any semblance of realism. In Street Kings, Ayer is plagued by the opposite kind of performance from Reeves, a monotone, relatively colorless performance that fails the film's emotional connectivity.

Not that Reeves' performance is not effective. In fact, this is one of the more engaged and active performances of Reeves' career. However, he simply isn't well suited to this role. Reeves' brand of earnest seriousness combined with a limited emotional range is not well suited to such a broadly emotional role.

Tom Ludlow is a vaguely racist, angry, drunken mess who kills criminals to deal with his pain and begins to feel guilty about his place in the world. The role calls for an actor who doesn't overplay the emotional extremes but unlike Reeves is not stoney eyed and inscrutable. A slightly younger Denzel Washington could have knocked this one out of the park.

That said, I don't mean to trash Reeves who I think is more talented than he is often given credit for. Yes, his limitations are well demonstrated but what he lacks in emotional demonstration he makes up for in many roles with his body language. He is a tremendous physical actor who uses his wiry frame to great effect.

In Street Kings Reeves' physicality gives him a presence that he's never had before. Adding a few pounds of muscle and a couple pounds around the midsection, Reeves communicates both his toughness and his destructive nature with his body.

The film remains hamstrung by Reeves lack of emotion but Director David Ayer still manages to make something of what he has. Using Reeves' man of action physical presence, Street Kings plays loose with the emotional stuff and becomes more of a straight action movie, heavy on bloodletting violence and light on the aftermath.

The content of Street Kings could have been something special with a more rangey actor in the lead but Reeves doesn't kill the movie. With Reeves in the lead we get a solidly crafted action flick that nails you to your seat with suspense and raises you from it with stunning acts of action movie violence. Nothing to be embarrassed about, Street Kings is a flawed, messy, yet highly entertaining old school action flick.

Movie Review: TMNT

TMNT (2007) 

Directed by Kevin Munroe

Written by Kevin Munroe 

Starring Chris Evans, Patrick Stewart, Sarah Michelle Geller, Kevin Smith, Mako, Ziyi Zhang

Release Date March 23rd, 2007 

Published March 22nd, 2007

Yet another retread of the Teenage Mutant Turtles attacks our cultural consciousness and as with so many copies of an original, it is dulled and less compelling, a copy of a copy really. Directed by a videogame veteran with videogame sensibilities, TMNT looks more like an ad for the TMNT game on the XBox 360 than like a feature length film.

The brothers, Leonardo, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Donatello, who make up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles crime fighting team, want only to be on the streets fighting crime and scarfing pizza. However, their sensei Master Shredder has forced them to give up crime fighting out of fear for their safety, not merely from the bad guys but from the good guys who could not easily accept talking turtles.

Each of the turtles has found their own way to deal with seclusion. Michaelangelo and Donatello perform at kids parties, dressed as turtles(?). Leonardo has thrown himself into training with Master Shredder. Raphael, on the other hand, has taken to vigilante-ism. Taking to the streets under the guise of the Nightwatcher, Raphael is inviting a number of dangerous encounters.

When his activities are exposed it leads to a rift between Leonardo and Raphael that nearly comes to blows. However, Raphael's activities do expose the crimes of a shady businessman who has teamed with a group of ninja assassins to steal 13 warrior statues that once gathered can be made real and used to take over or destroy the world.

Directed by video game veteran Kevin Munroe, TMNT delivers a view of the Ninja Turtles that seems to want to be a little darker than previous incarnations. Their is the sense that Munroe and screenwriter Peter Laird want to delve a little deeper into these characters and their motivations. Sadly, they abandon this idea early on in favor of some truly moronic and insulting humor and kid friendly action scenes.

Restricted by the typical rules of kiddie flick etiquette, Munroe and Laird give up any notion of creating really compelling characters and an engaging coming of age story in favor of simpleminded lessons and tropes about family and doing the right thing. Oh and a bit of bathroom humor, also a staple of this vacuous type of story.

There is some promise to TMNT early on and it comes in a showdown between Leonardo and Raphael in his guise of the Nightwatcher. Not knowing who the Nightwatcher really is, Leonardo engages him and the two fight until Raphael's real identity is revealed. The tension extends back home and the conflict is genuine and compelling.

Unfortunately, this interesting bit is quickly forgotten about and the typical tropes about loyalty, family and doing the right thing take center stage in all of their unambiguous, black and white forms. I'm not saying TMNT was ever going to offer great conflict or drama, but this story was interesting before it was jettisoned in favor of more simply manipulated emotions.

As for the animation, keep in mind that director Kevin Munroe comes from a video game background. TMNT looks so much like a videogame that you may be tempted to search around your seat for a controller. The animation of videogames have made great leaps in recent years but movies require a good deal more than mere kinetic, quick cut images.

Conditioned by the beautiful work of the team at Pixar, CG animation is now an art form and if a cartoon feature cannot match the beauty of Ratatouille, Cars or Monsters Inc, we aren't as interested or engaged. Pixar and the teams at Dreamworks Animation (Shrek) and the terrific Sony crew (Ice Age), have raised the bar in CG animation and a film as flat and colorless as TMNT pales in comparison.

Without a great story to pick up for the lack of great visuals, TMNT flounders and becomes tedious by the time the end comes in a mere 84 minutes.

TMNT is a flat, uninspired recreation of an inspired group of characters. The potential was there, but the imagination and daring were lacking leaving TMNT to be yet another product of kid-centric marketing. The makers of TMNT may have been better served dropping the turtles directly into television commercials for Pizza and pop, rather than wasting millions on a theatrical feature.

It's clear from watching TMNT that the only value of these characters can be found in their salability rather than their depth of character. Why not cut out the middleman and just make commercials and toys.

Movie Review: The Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four (2005) 

Directed by Tim Story 

Written by Michael France, Mark Frost 

Starring Chris Evans, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Ioan Gruffaud, Julian McMahon, Kerry Washington

Release Date July 8th, 2005 

Published July 7th, 2005 

What is it that those testosterone freaks from the gym say? Come hard or don't come at all? As overly aggressive as that sounds it's about setting a standard. When a film sub-genre features films as amazing as the two Spiderman movies, the original and new Batman flick and three X-Men movies any film that follows in that genre had, as they say, better come hard or not at all.

In the case of The Fantastic Four the 'not at all' would have been a better choice. Compared to it's superhero brethren Fantastic Four is an outright disaster. On it's own terms it has appeal to small children and the very, very forgiving amongst us. Unfortunately, I'm not all that forgiving.

Comic fans have been familiar with the powers of the Fantastic Four for nearly forty years. For the uninitiated, Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffaud) aka Mr. Fantastic, has the ability to stretch any part of his body. Sue Storm, (Jessica Alba) aka Invisible Girl, as her name implies, can become invisible. Sue's brother Johnny Storm, (Chris Evans) aka The Human Torch, can turn his entire body to flames and finally Ben Grimm, (Michael Chiklis) AKA The Thing, who's whole body is made of unbreakable rock.

The movie tells the origin story of the Fantastic Four as well as their arch nemesis Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon). On a space mission to investigate a mysterious energy field the Fantastic Four and the benefactor of the mission, Victor, are struck by this unique energy field and transformed into their fantastic forms.

Johnny Storm loves his new abilities; taking full advantage of his flammability to make a splash with the media. It is Johnny who gives the team nicknames and dubs them The Fantastic Four. Ben Grimm on the other hand cannot stand his rock formations which cost him his marriage and makes him the target of derision and eventually the police. Reed and Sue take a more scientific perspective as they seek ways to cure the mutations.

Victor Von Doom was also transformed and similar to Ben's rock; Victor is slowly turning to steel. At first he reacts like anyone would; using his billions of dollar to find a cure, but, then a case of movie evil sets in and Victor decides to be a world conquering super villain. When Victor uses his new steel form to control electricity and commit crimes only our fantastic heroes can stop him.

Director Tim Story and screenwriters Mark Frost, Michael France and Simon Kinberg remain mostly faithful to Stan Lee's origin story. In fact Tim Story even incorporates some of legendary comic artist Jack Kirby's visuals, such as a scene in which Ben Grimm stops a semi truck in it's tracks. The scene is shot from behind Ben with the truck coming straight for him and mimics a story board from the very first Fantastic Four comic.

The script also remains faithful to the family dynamic that Stan Lee established in the comics. Reed Richards with his graying temples and maturity is a natural father figure. Sue Storm is more of a de-facto mother character, she seems to young for the role but her romance with Reed makes it necessary. And of course Johnny and Ben with their childish rivalry are perfect bickering brothers. Lee mined this dynamic for humor not often found in the super hero genre.

The film however fails in it's few attempts at similar humor. The romance between Gruffaud and Alba is clumsy and fumbled and the rivalry between Johnny and Ben works only to make both seem oafish and imbecilic. Not helping matters is that each of the actors seems to be playing different beats. Gruffaud is impassive even when given a punch line while Alba just seems embarrassed. Michael Chiklis is playing a serious dramatic vibe which is at odds with the mildly ludicrous tone set by director Tim Story.

Something in Tim Story's direction amps up the comics least appealing aspects. The family humor of the comics was occasionally hokey as is much of the premise of the Fantastic Four. We accept it because of Lee's ability to make us care about these characters and Jack Kirby's exceptional drawings. Brought to physical life; the contrived nature of the comic is exposed by actors who seem unable to grasp the concept of their characters. The acting is far too serious and stern and thus remains humorless, that is except for Chris Evans as Johnny Storm.

Evans seems to be the only cast member having a good time with this material. He captures the goofy spirit and headstrong vitality of Johnny Storm. If the other actors had played a similar vibe Fantastic Four would be a whole lot more enjoyable.

Then there is Julian McMahon who chews the scenery like Jeremy Irons on a bender. To say that McMahon is over the top would be a grand understatement. McMahon plays Victor Von Doom like a silent film era villain, all grand impressive gesticulations and over pronounciations. He needs only a mustache to twirl to make this character a perfect parody.

A quick aside, did anyone else keep flashing back to Mallrats and wondering, like Brody, about whether Reed Richards could stretch his 'entire' body or if the Thing... well you know. It's horribly wrong, but one of the pleasures of a subpar movie is the invoked memories of far superior films. I will take the puerile Mallrats over the over amplified Fantastic Four any day.

I cannot deny that there is one really eye catching series of action scenes in Fantastic Four. The scenes set on the Brooklyn bridge where each of the Fantastic Four demonstrate their super powers for the first time, is a pretty terrific set of actions. Quickly edited, tautly paced, and well executed with CGI effects, these scenes demonstrate the unrealized potential of Fantastic Four.

One great series of scenes, however, are not nearly enough to rescue such a mess of a movie. Director Tim Story, who did a terrific job with the much smaller Barbershop; seems completely overwhelmed by the scope and scale of the Fantastic Four. With all the money and CGI he could ever need, Story fell into the trap of forgetting that his actors and his story need direction as much as his effects.

Fantastic Four demonstrates an opinion of mine that it takes a great director to bring the fantastic elements of a super hero movie to life. Sam Raimi and Spiderman, Bryan Singer and X-Men, Tim Burton and now Christopher Nolan with Batman. Tim Story is a good director but as Fantastic Four demonstrates he is not a great director.

Movie Review: Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer

Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) 

Directed by Tim Story 

Written by Don Payne, Mark Frost

Starring Chris Evans, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Ioan Gruffaud, Kerry Washington, Julian McMahon, Andre Braugher, Laurence Fishburne 

Release Date June 15th, 2007 

Published June 14th, 2007 

What is so disappointing about The Fantastic Four and the sequel Rise of the Silver Surfer is that director Tim Story shows a great talent for big time action scenes. The first film had a pair of impressive action and effects scenes that showed the potential of the series. Rise of the Silver Surfer builds on that with bigger and better effects, especially the stunningly rendered CG Surfer.

The big effects and big action act as unintentional commentary on the non-action, non-effects scenes. As great as the action is, the acting, dialogue and storytelling of Rise of the Silver Surfer are sloppy, slipshod and at times embarrassing.

As we rejoin the story of the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffaud) AKA, Mr. Fantastic is about to wed Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) aka The Invisible Woman. Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) aka The Thing, is Reed's best man and Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) aka The Human Torch is walking his sister down the aisle. Well that was the plan but as the media circus swirls about; a bigger threat has hit the earth.

A silver alien on a surf board is disturbing the environment of the entire planet, creating giant holes all over world. Reed quickly discovers that this is not the first time the Silver Surfer has attacked a planet, his arrival has lead to the end of a planet within 8 days. With the Silver Surfer comes the arrival of a planet eating entity called Galactus.

To stop the Surfer and Galactus the Fantastic Four will have to team with their enemy, a fully recovered Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) who was the first to make face to face contact with the Surfer. Naturally, Victor has designs on the Surfer's planet destroying powers.

In Rise of the Silver Surfer director Tim Story delivers pretty much the same results he delivered with the first Fantastic Four movie, big action and effects with ill-conceived character bits and shockingly dull witted dialogue. It's an odd result considering that Story came to the Fantastic franchise after directing the smart, funny, character driven comedy Barbershop.

The results become even more curious when you see the script credited to Mark Frost; the same Mark Frost who teamed with David Lynch to create the complicated, layered and slighly loopy Twin Peaks. The talented director and writer seem to never be on the same page in Rise of the Silver Surfer. Frost's twisted approach to the characters combines a fifties style earnest heroism with an attempt at being hip and modern and it fails rather miserably.

As for Tim Story, he directs as if unconcerned about the characters and their awkward, embarrassing moments. Story's sole concern is the action and effects and his attention to detail is really impressive on that front. The effects and action are as impressive as anything in Spiderman 3 or Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. The blockbuster comparisons end their however because where those blockbusters are as character driven as they are effects driven, Rise of the Silver Surfer is an effects only enterprise.

The Silver Surfer, voice of Laurence Fishburne, is a tremendously successful special effect. The CG creation is seamlessly integrated with the human cast to the point where the Surfer suffers as much as the real actors, this awful, awful script. Yes, the Silver Surfer is a bit of a letdown when he speaks, with his windy ethereal voice and vaguely menacing pronouncements. Still, as a special effect, as an example of how the world of CG technology has progressed; the Silver Surfer is among the most impressive things you will see at the movies this year.

As for the human cast of Fantastic Four, the same issues that plagued the first film continue to plague this film. Jessica Alba remains super hot but still miscast as the too young Sue Storm. Ioan Gruffaud continues to be a charisma free leading man noticeably uncomfortable as a comic book superhero. And Michael Chiklis; though he is physically perfect for the role of The Thing, his comic moments are as awkward as the punchlines he's supposed to deliver.

The only one who seems perfectly cast and comfortable with even the goofiest dialogue and most embarrassing attempts at humor and earnestness is Chris Evans. Achieving just the right mix of cheeseball self awareness and cocky attitude, Evans' Johnny Storm is the one character who makes something of this regrettable mess. It helps that Johnny is the only one of the four whose subplot has some juice.

When Johnny confronts the Surfer for the first time he has his molecules scramble to the point where if he touches one of the other Fantastics he switches powers with them. His impulsive nature and desperate need to get his power back leads to more trouble in conflicts against the Silver Surfer but, of course, when the time comes he gets to prove himself. In a terrific showdown with Victor Von Doom, Evans's Human Torch gets the biggest and best action moment of the movie.

The less said about Julian McMahon's fey Victor Von Doom the better. McMahon's performance is by far the most embarrassing of anyone.

The fact is that after a somewhat disappointing domestic launch for the original Fantastic Four many thought the series was through. Somehow the film managed to find a large international audience and the pot of gold proved to be enough to overcome the creative bankruptcy. How unfortunate that the creative bankruptcy continues and engulfs another potential franchise in Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Now, not one but two legendary Marvel comics are wrapped up in one mediocre movie franchise.

Movie Review: 30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night (2002) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Robert Perez 

Starring Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossamon, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Vinessa Shaw, Griffin Dunne, Paulo Costanzo 

Release Date March 1st, 2002 

Published March 1st, 2002 

I'm really beginning to dislike the horror genre. Though regular readers and horror fans might argue that I have always hated horror movies, that is not true. I loved Freddy and Jason as a kid. As an adult, I find the Saw films to be utterly ingenious. My issue with modern horror films is the growing, ugly nihilism of the genre. More and more this genre that once exposed our humanity and capacity for bravery and compassion, now comes to exploit our humanity and compassion.

The latest film to trade on our humanity, depicting violent death with style, wit and impoverished morals is the vampire movie 30 Days of Night. Josh Hartnett stars in 30 Days of Night as Eban Oleson the sheriff of Barrow Alaska. Settled on the uppermost point of the United States, Barrow is home to only the most hardy winter lovers. For 30 days of every year Barrow goes into darkness. Many citizens cannot handle the lack of sun and take off. The 150 or so people who stay behind find something they never could have imagined.

A stranger (Ben Foster) arrives in town. He murders all the sled dogs. He steals and burns all of the cell phones. After he is caught by sheriff Oleson, he warns that 'they' are coming. Who are they? The stranger won't say but once citizens begin getting their heads ripped from their bodies, it's clear that 'they' have indeed arrived. Now, the sheriff with his ex-wife Stella (Melissa George) and a ragtag band of survivors must find a way to survive for 30 days when the sun returns and 'they' go back from where they came.

Based on the 2004 graphic novel by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith, 30 Days of Night is stylish, darkly humorous and undeniably cool. And therein lies the problem. Like much of modern horror 30 Days of Night exploits our humanity and compassion to get us to invest in these characters and then destroys them in the most eye catching and gory fashion.

I am conflicted about this because I cannot deny the artistry with which director David Slade delivers this carnage. However, the style, the cool, dehumanizes the characters and takes pleasure in their misery. This brings an ugliness, a pseudo-nihilism to the proceedings that frankly makes me ill. I've grown weary of the stylish presentation of the destruction of humanity.

I get that it's a vampire movie and realism is not a question. And yes; you can argue that the style employed only serves to further distance the characters from reality. My point is however, that the danger that these characters find is meant to earn our sympathy and care and thanks to the talented performances of Josh Hartnett and Melissa George, they do.

We are invested emotionally, engaged by these characters. When these characters, not necessarily Hartnett or George, are violently dissected by vampires, the fillmmakers are taking advantage of that sympathy, exploiting it. For what purpose? Why are our sympathies engaged and then violently and bloodily turned against us?

In the Saw films, James Wan, Leigh Whannell and Darren Lynn Bousman engage us similarly but with a point and a purpose. There is a philosophy behind the carnage, a lesson to be imparted about the gift that is life, the gift that is forgiveness and the possibility of redemption. What lesson do we learn from 30 Days of Night other than fake blood looks cool when splashed on white snow.

Josh Hartnett is one of my very favorite actors. Wearing his vulnerabilty on his sleeve and his wit as well, Hartnett has a talent for characters that win us over from the moment we meet them. His sheriff in 30 Days of Night wins us over from his first scene as he stares into the horizon, an undeclared sadness plagues him as the last sunset for 30 days begins to fall.

Melissa George matches Hartnett in her appeal to our sympathies. Also carrying the burden of memory her Stella just wanted to get in and out of town without Eben knowing she was there. The sadness they share over the end of their marriage is never openly discussed but it is written in their every glance and gesture toward and away from one another. In another movie, one with a depth of feeling for these characters beyond finding unique ways for them to kill vampires or to die violently, Hartnett and George could really make something lasting and beautiful. That is something that the creators of 30 Days of Night are incapable of providing.

What is the point of 30 Days of Night. What are we supposed to take away from it? What is it that we find so exhilarating or exciting about the destruction of humanity. There is no subtext, there are no lessons imparted, this film is merely an exercise in the stylish presentation of hardcore violence. Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I just don't get it anymore.

Movie Review Queen of the Damned

Queen of the Damned (2002) 

Directed by Michael Rymer 

Written by Scott Abbott, Michael Petroni 

Starring Aaliyah Stuart Townsend, Marguerite Moreau, Paul McGann, Vincent Perez

Release Date February 22nd, 2002 

Published February 21st, 2002 

As I get further away from having seen Queen of the Damned I get more and more annoyed as I realize what a missed opportunity this film is. After having seen this film I find that it could have been made without the Queen of the Damned character and been a far better film. It would probably need a new title. but nevertheless.

Stuart Townsend takes over the role so well inhabited by Tom Cruise in Interview with the Vampire, the role of the vampire Lestat. After sleeping for a number of years, Lestat begins to sense a change in the world that may allow him to walk among the masses, in the open, as a vampire. His opportunity is in the entertainment biz as a Goth rock star.

Lestat finds a band living in his old New Orleans castle but rather than kill them he uses them as his backup band and becomes a huge rock star. Lestat wants everyone to know that he is a vampire, whether anyone believes him or not is up to them. His celebrity doesn't sit well with his vampire brethren who follow a strict code of secrecy. There is more trouble for Lestat because his music has caused the resurrection of Akasha, the queen of the damned (Aaliyah).

Akasha wants world domination and for Lestat to be her King. Lestat, never one for being a kept man, soon chafes under Akasha's attention and conflict arises. All of this is paralleled by the story of a vampire historian named Jessie (Marguerite Moreau) who is obsessed with becoming a vampire and rejoining her family. She sees Lestat as someone who would be willing to help her.

The film would like us to follow Lestat as the wounded antihero, but how could anyone with a conscience identify with Lestat? It's hardly possible but Stuart Townsend's performance is nearly seductive enough to make the audience put aside their morals and follow him.

As for Aaliyah, she suffers from playing a character that is badly drawn and comes off as unnecessary as compared to the missed opportunity in the film. She was saddled with a bad script and because she died just as the film was in post production her brother was called in to dub her voice which may explain the over the top vocalizing.

There is an opportunity here to make a fantastic movie, but not like what ended up on the screen. For one, drop the Queen. The far more interesting story is Lestat the rock star. Think about it, a vampire rock star. Is it just a gimmick? Fans don't know that he really is a vampire. His manager has to cover up all the girls he kills. And for breaking the code of secrecy he's being hunted by other vampires. Much like 2001's Shadow Of the Vampire, where Willem Dafoe plays a vampire playing a vampire in a movie, while John Malkovich as the director tries to cover it up to finish the movie.

Lestat could have done a more modern satire of the same story. The opportunity for satire of the record industry, fandom and celebrity is endless. Unfortunately we will never see that movie and what we're left with in The Queen Of The Damned is a shallow, listless waste of film.

Movie Review Dragonfly

Dragonfly (2002) 

Directed by Tom Shadyac

Written by Brandon Camp, Mike Thompson, David Seltzer 

Starring Kevin Costner, Susanna Thompson, Joe Morton, Ron Rifkin, Linda Hunt, Jacob Vargas 

Release Date February 22nd, 2002 

Published February 21st, 2002 

Kevin Costner has made himself the subject of ridicule in recent years as his ego began to outpace his creativity. Costner began to believe the things being written about him, about his sex appeal and his ability to open a film. This ego feeding caused Costner to push through a number of lame vanity projects that he assumed, because he's Kevin Costner, of course they will be hits. Well they weren't and now maybe he's getting it. In his most recent effort, Dragonfly, Costner doesn't write, produce or direct, he just acts. And it's the best acting he's done in a very long time.

In Dragonfly, Costner is Dr.Joe Darrow the head of emergency surgery at some nameless hospital. Joe's wife Emily (Susanna Thompson) is also a doctor, head of oncology working with child cancer patients. Emily is also a missionary who travels to Venezuela to treat sick kids against Joe's wishes. Joe thinks it's too dangerous and sadly he is correct. Soon after Emily arrives in Venezuela she and her patients are in a bus that gets caught in a mudslide that drops the bus in a river, killing everyone inside. Or at least we think it killed everyone.

Back in the states Joe is not dealing with his wife's death, instead he is working 15 hour shifts in the ER against the better judgment of his boss, the invaluable Joe Morton. Of course Joe doesn't care what anyone says and despite agreeing to take time off he still shows up at the hospital to visit his wife's patients. It is then that Dragonfly launches into its supernatural bent, with the children's near death experiences leading Joe to believe his late wife is trying to reach him from beyond the grave. That is if she's dead, her body will never recover.

Costner expertly plays the film's supernatural elements against a background of rational cynicism. There are a great deal of logical explanations of near death experiences, many of which the film intelligently lays out. Also as Joe's friends point out, wanting to speak to his late wife is what Joe wants, so it's not inconceivable that he is making these things happen himself.

Costner is backed by one of the best supporting casts I've seen this year including the aforementioned Joe Morton, Ron Rifkin, Jay Thomas and a woman who is becoming one of my favorite actresses, Kathy Bates. Bates plays Miriam, Joe's neighbor and lawyer who does her best to take care of him as both mother figure and best friend. Bates is amazing and never gets enough credit for her amazing work. This film will likely be forgotten by Oscar time, but nonetheless her performance more than warrants a nomination.

The film's only problem is director Tom Shadyac, the guy who lensed Patch Adams can't keep his mushy side in check. While Costner expertly balances emotion and intellect, Shadyac constantly aims for the heartstrings, especially towards the film's sap-covered climax. Aside from the excess sap, Dragonfly is a worthy rental based on the performances of Costner and his superior supporting cast.

Movie Review John Q

John Q (2002) 

Directed by Nick Cassavetes 

Written by James Kearns 

Starring Denzel Washington, Robert Duvall, James Woods, Anne Heche, Kimberly Elise, Laura Harring 

Release Date February 15th, 2002 

Published February 14th, 2002 

Is it me? Do I not watch the news enough? I'm asking because I've only seen one hostage situation in my life.

This guy barricaded himself in his parent's house and held his mom hostage after his step-dad tried to kick him out. It ended in one hour after the guy accidentally shot himself in the leg. Yet Hollywood would have us believe these things happen all the time. Either its some good guy wronged by the "system" or it's a showcase for some slick talking hostage negotiator who makes his own rules despite always being suspended for his out of control behavior.

The new Denzel movie, John Q., falls into the first category. And though it's everything you've seen before it's saved to a point by Denzel's dignified professional performance.

John Q is the story of John Archibald, a factory worker who's struggling to provide for his family after his hours are cut. The story really begins when, during a little league game, John's son falls ill and is rushed to the hospital where we're informed he has a heart problem and needs a heart transplant. Well, needless to say, hearts don't grow on trees. 

There are forms to fill out and once you find a heart, the surgery itself is prohibitively expensive. Cost means nothing to John who will do anything to save his son including taking the hospital emergency room hostage with all it's patients, including colorful characters played by comedian Eddie Griffin and Shawn Hatosy. It is from here that John Q. dissolves from a moving family crisis film to a stock cliched hostage movie.

The hostage scene setups are strong because of Denzel Washington. As an audience member I automatically cheer for him to succeed. But once in the hostage situation director Nick Cassevetes begins piling on the cliches. Robert Duvall stars as the calm and understanding negotiator trying not to hurt anyone and Ray Liotta is the pigheaded lout who gets to yell the classic hostage movie line, "Take the shot" as the sniper slips precariously close to our hero. 

,Considering we're only one hour in and Denzel is the lead, I seriously doubt he will be killed at this point. And of course, John bonds with his captives, he even let's a couple go, and punishes the standard jerk of the captive crowd (there is always one jerk). It's like an episode of Fear Factor, there is an element of suspense but it's network TV so no one is in any real danger.

The actors involved do all they can with their roles with Denzel doing most of the heavy lifting and James Woods helping a good deal. As the big-time heart surgeon, Anne Heche has the thankless villain role for most of the film as the head of the hospital that denies John's son's treatment. Hospital-HMO bureaucracy is supposed to be the film's main story arc but it's so overdone that by the end, the director and screenwriter are beating you over the head with the "HMO is evil" message. Who already doesn't know HMO's are evil?

Despite Denzel's best effort, John Q. is a lame parable about the evils of hospital politics buried in cliches and stock been-there-done-that situations. 

Movie Review Hart's War

Hart's War (2002) 

Directed by Gregory Hoblit

Written by Billy Ray, Terry George 

Starring Bruce Willis, Colin Farrell, Terrence Howard, Cole Hauser, Rory Cochrane, Sam Worthington

Release Date February 15th, 2002 

Published February 14th, 2002 

War movies are hell. Earlier this year we were bombarded by war movies with Black Hawk Down, Behind Enemy Lines, No Man's Land, and We Were Soldiers. And now, this week, Bruce Willis has a war movie for us. Set in a WW2 prison camp, Hart's War has Willis co-starring with hot young superstar Colin Farrell (According to MGM, Colin Farrell's name must always be preceded by the words "hot young superstar"). Farrell is Thomas Hart, a privileged lieutenant whose Senator father pulled strings to get him an office job rather than serving on the front. 

Hart is a map jockey, as my grandpa always called the guys back at headquarters. When an army major needs a ride, Hart offers to drive him but on the way German soldiers attack them. The major is killed and Hart is taken prisoner. After being tortured by German intelligence over his knowledge of American troop movements we are left to wonder if Hart gave up the info as he is sent to a military prison.

The American prisoners are presided over by Colonel McNamara (Willis), a third generation West Point grad. Although it seems as if McNamara has accepted his situation as a P.O.W, we find out that McNamara has far from given up the idea of fighting the war. In secret, McNamara and fellow P.O.W's are scheming to fight their captors. When Farrell arrives in the camp, he gets caught in the middle of suspicions over the escape attempts and a racial divide among the white American Officers and the African American enlisted men. 

Though the flyers are officers they are assigned to bunk with the enlisted men where racial tensions flare leading to one of the flyers (played by Reon Shannon) being framed and accused of attempting to escape for which he is executed by the Germans. This leads to a murder, with the other flyer (Terrence Howard) being accused. All of this is a build-up to the film’s climactic courtroom sequence, which is actually a cover for an escape attempt. That isn't any spoiler; you know that from the films over explanatory marketing campaign.

Filmed at a former Russian military training camp in the Czech Republic, Hart's War has the look of WW2 Germany down, the period is well realized. The film’s story, however, is not. The pace is slow and while Hart's War distinguishes itself from other recent war films with its lack of gory realistic violence, it lacks the urgency such violence portrays and what helps make people understand just how horrific war is.

The courtroom scenes provide a strong cover for the escape but in comparison they aren't nearly as interesting. The drama is with the guys going under the wire, not with the kid lawyer exercising his knowledge of military justice. Terrence Howard is effective with a fantastic monologue in the court sequence. Willis and Farrell however never come to life. Both characters seem like passionate guys but they both hide their passion behind glum masks, which distances the audience from the tension that should be building.

Hart's War is a slowly paced, slog through a courtroom story that is all a dull cliche. The war is never portrayed as the urgent activity it obviously was. The film begins slow and never gains speed. If you’re a Bruce Willis fan you might check it out, if not, I'd skip Hart's War.

Movie Review: Crossroads

Crossroads (2002) 

Directed by Tamra Davis 

Written by Shonda Rhimes 

Starring Britney Spears, Anson Mount, Zoe Saldana, Taryn Manning, Kim Cattrall, Dan Akroyd, Justin Long

Release Date February 15th, 2002

Published February 15th, 2002 

Will pop stars ever learn?

It never fails that every time a pop star gains any kind of popularity their instincts lead them to acting. Madonna, Mandy Moore and Michael Jackson have all made miserable attempts at acting careers. And of course we're all still recovering from the film debuts of N'Sync and Mariah Carey. Now the world’s flavor of the decade, Britney Spears, has made her crossover attempt with the pop flavored Crossroads.

Britney is Lucy, the virginal valedictorian with a voice like an angel. On the day of her high school graduation Lucy reunites with old friends to unearth a box of childhood memories buried 10 years earlier. It seems Lucy and her friends Mimi (Taryn Manning) and Kit (Zoey Saldana) have grown apart in the last 10 years but now are coming back together for a road trip to L.A. so Mimi can become a rock star and Lucy can find the mother who abandoned her when she was just 3 years old.

So, now we have combined the road movie with the pop star vehicle, oh could this possibly suck more? Well in fact yes, yes it can and does suck even more. Lucy finally finds her mother who is played by Sex & The City's Kim Cattrall, and we are treated to one of the most stupid, mean and contrived situations this side of daytime soap operas. Lucy meets her mother and rather than go with what should be the film’s dramatic high-point, the film cuts to her friends hanging out a local hotel and Lucy returning crying as she explains that her mother hates her and wishes she was never born. How fun!

To be fair, Britney is good at eliciting sympathy. Her acting leaves a good deal to desire but she's far better than fellow pop tarts Mandy Moore and Mariah Carey. What is most striking is how young Britney looks. She is reportedly 21 years old in real life, but in the film her character is 18 and she looks about 14. That's both blessing and a curse in some ways, as her remarkable youth is a tad unnerving considering where the plot is going and considering what I am about to discuss. 

Not surprisingly, there are a couple of gratuitous shots meant to appeal to horny young boys. Britney prances around in her underwear twice in the first 20 minutes of the film. I must give Britney credit for bravely risking her virginal reputation by allowing her character to be deflowered in the film. I certainly didn't expect or really desire to see this but here we are. Britney's journey is arriving where she's going to have sex for the first time. 

The saddest thing about the film is it’s inclusion of Jeepers Creepers star Justin Long in the throwaway role of Britney's first boyfriend. Long is a tremendous comic actor as he's shows on NBC's highly underrated Ed. In Crossroads, Long appears in the film’s first 20 minutes, providing the film’s only funny moments and then is eschewed in favor of the more teeny bop, test screened hunk Anson Mount whose performance is extremely dull in comparison to the animated, funny turn by Long.'

Crossroads is as awful as we all thought it would be, and Britney, I hope, will go back to her day job. But she can do so knowing at least this was better than Glitter.

Movie Review Rollerball

Rollerball (2002) 

Directed by John McTiernan

Written by Larry Ferguson, John Pogue 

Starring Chris Klein, Rebecca Romijn, LL Cool J, Paul Heyman 

Release date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 7th, 2002 

Roger Ebert once said of the movie Mad Dog Time that the film did not improve upon the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same amount of time. I haven't seen Mad Dog Time but after seeing Rollerball I completely understand the sentiment. Rollerball is astonishingly boring on top of being mind numbingly awful. 

Rollerball stars poor misguided Chris Klein as the star player of the international sport of Rollerball. I've skipped ahead of the story, he doesn't begin the film by playing Rollerball, but you see the beginning of the film has nothing to do with anything. My theory is that the director owed the extras in the scene a favor and decided to leave it in the final product.

Oh right the story, anyway Chris joins his old college buddy LL Cool J in playing Rollerball. Leave out the age inconsistency in their having been college buddies because counting the inconsistencies in Rollerball might take as long as watching the film itself. Forget about the story description too, it's hard to call something so scattershot a story. From what I gathered, there is something about Jean Reno being a bad guy who hurts people and Chris and LL want to stop him along with Rebecca Romijn who does.... something. I'm not sure exactly what her function was, because all I remember is her awful, awful accent.

Adding to the idiocy, for some reason there is a ten-minute section of the film around the halfway mark that was filmed with a night-vision camera. We don't know why but there it is in all its pointlessness. As for the sport of Rollerball, I believe it's a series quick edits of mindless violence set to some stupid speed metal anthem.

What is most frightening is that this is the re-shot and "improved" version of Rollerball. The film was initially to be released in August 2001 but after a disastrous preview screening attended by our friends at Ain't It Cool News. The producers pulled the film and ordered it re-cut and re-shot. If this is the better version, the original must be something akin to a filmed bowel movement.

Honestly, when wrestling announcer Paul Heyman stars as the Rollerball announcer and brings the film it's only source of dignity there is something very wrong. If you were thinking of seeing Rollerball let me save you the ticket price. Make a fist and punch yourself about the stomach and head for two solid hours. That's easily the equivalent experience of watching Rollerball, if you also poked yourself in the eyes while doing it.