Movie Review: Aeon Flux

Aeon Flux (2005) 

Directed by Karyn Kusam

Written by Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi 

Starring Charlize Theron, Martin Csokas, Johnny Lee Miller, Sophie Okonedo, Frances McDormand

Release Date December 2nd, 2005 

Published December 1st, 2005 

Aeon Flux was born on MTV's short lived but groundbreaking animation showcase Liquid Television. The short cartoons were brilliantly weird and entirely wordless. Our heroine was an anarchist in dominatrix gear making trouble wherever she went and losing her life at the end of every adventure. When Aeon Flux was given her own half hour show on the network the bizarre action extended to wildly esoteric, nonsensical dialogue, and kinky sexuality, all of which combined to make Aeon a cult legend.

The character seemed long dead when Hollywood finally came calling with a full length live-action film. Charlize Theron as the lead and hot indie director Karyn Kusama (Girlfight) both seemed like interesting choices. However, the most important thing was the script, which went ahead without Peter Chung the creator of the series. Without Chung's guiding influence, the film adaptation of Aeon Flux morphed into yet another sci-fi action adventure retread.

The year is 2415. Most of the world's population has been wiped out by some mysterious virus. There is now only one city left in the world where the last 5 million people on Earth reside. One man, Trevor Goodchild (Martin Csokas), has found the cure to the virus and has become a leader. With his brother, Oren (Johnny Lee Miller), Trevor has crafted a perfect society called Bregna.

Underneath the surface of this new perfection, a group of mercenaries, called Monicans, has sprung up to expose the lies hiding behind the veil of the Goodchild society. People have been disappearing randomly throughout Bregna and somehow the government is behind it. One of those missing is the sister of a Monican assassin named Aeon Flux (Theron).

Sexy and deadly Aeon is tasked with killing Goodchild, which it is thought will bring down the government and expose what happened to the missing citizens. However, when Aeon finally gets her chance to complete her mission, a flash of memory that links Aeon and Trevor prevents her from finishing the job and opens up another secret that threatens to blow the lid off of Bregna.

In looking at Aeon Flux and separating it from the television series, there are some appealing moments and solid sci-fi work. Director Kusama, with the help of cinematographer Stuart Dryburgh and production designer Andrew McAlpine, occasionally capture some terrific sci-fi landscapes. A scene where Aeon and a cohort scale the courtyard in front of a government building is an excellent action sequence and a visually imaginative sci-fi creation.

Praise also goes to costume designer Beatrix Aruna Pazstor who creates a sleek and sexy future wardrobe for Theron. While I would have loved to see what Pazstor might have done with some of Chung's designs from the series, she does a terrific job in creating some beautifully sexy and functional gear to adorn Theron, which I realize is not the most difficult job, but still well done.

Unfortunately the script and plotting of Aeon Flux fails the fine technical work. Writers Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi, ostensibly working from the framework of an episode of the TV show, craft an entirely unoriginal sci-fi story about cloning, the environment, and government corruption. Typical targets of a typical sci-fi movie, and typical is something that Aeon Flux should never be.

The brilliance of the series was to take on familiar sci-fi tropes and turn them on their ear with oddity, sexuality, and imagination. The film adaptation lacks all three. Even odder, however, is Kusama's decision to keep one minor detail of the television series: flat, monotone line deliveries. The series, one assumes, employed a flat, almost lazy approach to dialogue because it was never about what was being talked about. The movie is about something, the characters have a point to make and a goal to achieve, and when they approach their dialogue in this flat way they simply seem bored.

Watching Aeon Flux as a fan of the original series is like having teeth pulled without anesthesia. Gone are all of the elements that made Aeon Flux exciting. Gone is the wildly eclectic dialogue, the mixed sexuality, and the obtuse plotting. Granted those are elements that are anathema to most mainstream audiences but the reason to make Aeon Flux into a feature film was because of these elements. Taking away what made Aeon Aeon leaves one to wonder why make the film at all. Why not develop an original sci-fi character for Theron to play and leave Aeon Flux, and more importantly her small but loyal fanbase, alone?

Aside from the occasionally attractive visuals the one reason to see Aeon Flux is Theron. Getting her post-Oscar curse out of the way, like Adrien Brody (The Village) and Halle Berry (Catwoman) before her, Theron hopefully can put this behind her and get back to more interesting work, like her other 2005 effort, North Country.

Theron has had a most unique career. A pariah before her transformative Oscar-winning role in Monster, she suffered through far worse films than Aeon Flux. Garbage like Devil's Advocate, Sweet November and The Astronaut's Wife were a trial by fire for Theron, who responded well by making all of those films a distant memory in Monster. Aeon Flux should merely be another minor bump in the road for this terrific actress.

Movies like Aeon Flux are why people hate movie studios and the people who operate them. We know why Paramount made Aeon Flux, because it was easy to market through its subsidiary, MTV, which also happened to own the rights to the character. It's the laziest form of dealmaking and filmmaking. For the artistry and hard work that went into crafting it, Aeon Flux is just that much more of a disaster for the gutlessness that went into stripping the character of what made her unique.

Creator Peter Chung is still hoping to make a direct-to-video Aeon Flux animated film. After the annihilation of his work in the live-action arena, Paramount owes one to Chung and to the real fans of the real Aeon Flux.

Movie Review Long Shot

Long Shot (2019) 

Directed Jonathan Levine 

Written by Dan Sterling, Liz Hannah

Starring Charlize Theron, Seth Rogan, O'Shea Jackson, Andy Serkis, June Diane Raphael

Release Date May 3rd, 2019 

Published May 2nd, 2019 

Long Shot stars Seth Rogen as the unattractively named Fred Flarsky. Fred is a journalist who just quit his job working as a liberal activist journalist after his newspaper was bought by a right wing media conglomerate. Looking to drown his sorrows, Fred meets up with his pal, Lance (O’Shea Jackson), a rich investor type, who promises to take him for a fancy night out. This night out, with drugs and booze of all sorts, culminates with a fancy party where Boyz II Men is performing. 

While Fred is excited to see his favorite 90’s R & B group, his night gets even more exciting when he spots Secretary of State Charlotte Field (Charlize Theron), in the crowd. Charlotte and Fred knew each other in middle school when Charlotte babysat for the three years younger Fred. Fred relays a remarkably embarrassing story about humiliating himself with a kiss attempt on Charlotte before she actually has him summoned for a chat. Seems she remembers him and the two strike up their old friendship. 

Against the better judgment of her staff, headed up by Maggie (June Diane Raphael) and Tom (Ravi Patel), Charlotte decides to hire Fred as a speech writer. You see, Charlotte is about to leave the job of Secretary of State behind and make a run for the Presidency and one of her weaknesses, according to polling data, is her sense of humor. She hopes that Fred’s writing can make her funny. She also just simply finds his oafishness charming. 

Charlotte has secured the endorsement of President Chambers (Bob Odenkirk), a Hollywood actor who once played the President on TV who somehow became the real President. Odenkirk is a scene stealer on par with the all time greats and he makes this cameo performance a spiky delight, indicting the audience and American politics for being attracted to flashy politicians. Yes, it’s a transparent dig at our current President, but Odenkirk makes it more singular and very funny. Watch for the scene where he describes why he’s decided to leave office. It’s a classic. 

Charlotte is embarking on a world tour and she is bringing Fred along to write her speeches and while that happens, the two develop a genuine bond. The chemistry between Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen is really strong. She’s an incredible actress who really sells why she is attracted to Fred and Rogen is charming enough in a rather far-fetched role to make us buy into why a woman as ungodly gorgeous and smart and unattainable as Charlotte would go for him. 

That’s really the conceit of Long Shot. Sure, there are more than a few political jokes, the film has a particularly left wing view, but the central gag that the film’s plot turns on is convincing us that a goofball like Fred Flarsky could be someone who a Charlotte Field could fall in love with. This is a romantic comedy so these aren’t spoilers. The journey of Long Shot is in how you get there and not where the movie is going. 

The ending is especially hard to swallow but, once again, the winning combination of Rogen and Theron makes it work. I accepted that what happens is possible because these two terrific superstars convinced me that under these remarkably heightened and outrageous circumstances, this story is plausible. The incredible chemistry and the really big laughs of Long Shot easily defeated my skepticism about the plot and the R-rated convolutions needed to make it work. 

Long Shot was directed by Jonathan Levine whose unique career includes the Amy Schumer Goldie Hawn flop Snatched, the underwhelming zombie romance Warm Bodies, and the brilliant comic drama 50/50. That last one, 50/50 gave Seth Rogen a really terrific comic dramatic performance opposite an equally brilliant Joseph Gordon Levitt. Levine indeed tries hard to bring some genuine dramatic beats to his comedies with rather mixed results. 

The dramatic beats of 50/50 work solely because of the brilliant and sharp cast. The few dramatic beats of Long Shot also work because of a brilliant cast that make you forget that there is genuine drama taking place. Long Shot is a great deal more broad and jockey than 50/50 but each film shows a director who knows how to trust his actors to deliver a mix of the real and the broadly comic. Levine is blessed to have the Oscar winning Theron who has proven she can convince audiences of just about anything. 

Long Shot is mostly delightful, even when it is remarkably raunchy and R-Rated. Be prepared, this movie is not for the easily offended. Long Shot goes for some big bawdy, R-Rated laughs regarding sex and drugs and you definitely need to leave the kids at home for this one. The film’s biggest flaw however, is not raunchy humor, it’s length. At more than 2 hours and 15 minutes, the film struggles at times to maintain pace and drags in a few spots. 

Oh, I was wrapping up there, but I cannot end this review without praising O’Shea Jackson. Ice Cube’s son is a brilliant scene stealer. This man is a star in the making. Lance is a wonderful character who is full of life and unexpected comic invention. Even when he is given a questionable bit of forced back story late in the movie, Jackson makes it work and is very funny while doing it. I adore this performance, one of my favorites of the year thus far. 

Movie Review North Country

North Country (2005) 

Directed by Niki Caro 

Written by Michael Seitzman

Starring Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson, Frances McDormand, Sean Bean, Richard Jenkins

Release Date October 21st, 2005 

Published October 19th, 2005 

Director Niki Caro made a huge splash with her debut film Whale Rider. That sweet, smart coming of age flick not only brought an Oscar nomination to the amazing young actress Keisha Castle Hughes, it also established Caro as a director who could write her own ticket for whatever project she wanted to make. Her choice was to work with another Oscar nominated actress, Charlize Theron, on what is, by virtue of both of their involvement, a serious prestige picture about a difficult and dramatic subject, the very first sexual harrassment class action suit in US history.

With the weight of expectations on North Country Niki Caro had a lot to live up to. That the film nearly meets those lofty expectations is a sign of her talent and the strength of the story she wished to tell.

Charlize Theron stars in North Country as Josie Aimes, a single mother returning to her tiny hometown in Minnesota after escaping her abusive husband. To say that her homecoming is not exactly welcome is a slight understatement. Though Josie's parents, Hank (Richard Jenkins) and Alice (Sissy Spacek), love her deeply, her life choices up until now have been a grave disappointment. Pregnant at sixteen, Josie claimed to not know who the child's father was. Running away with the baby soon after, Josie found herself in a series of bad relationships, and pregnant again.

Now back home and fighting with her father over having left her marriage (despite the husband's abuse, her father cannot abide a divorce and even wonders if she brought the abuse on herself) Josie needs a job and a new place to live. An old friend, Glory, played by the wonderful Frances McDormand, puts Josie on to a job working in the mine that is the town's only source of stable employment. Unfortunately it's also where Josie's father works, yet another source of father-daughter tension.

If her father was the greatest of the resistance Josie faced working in the mines she would be lucky. Sadly, the male workers of the mine have made quite clear ever since women have been allowed to work there that they are not welcome. The sexual, emotional and occasionally physical intimidation of women is an everyday reality for Glory who has weathered it well enough to become a union leader. For Josie, however, the abuse is shocking and terrifying and likely compounded by some very dark secrets from her past.

Eventually all of the abuse and frustrating put-offs from management force Josie to take a bold step. With the help of a local lawyer, Bill White (Woody Harrelson), Josie aims to sue the mine and stop the abuse and if at all possible make the mine a safe place for the women who work there after her.

North Country is an exceptionally well-told story both in terms of scripting and filmmaking. Director Niki Caro showed her adeptness for compelling visual storytelling in Whale Rider and continues to mature in North Country. With Cinematographer Gustavo Santaolalla, Caro washes out the scenery to capture the often grim and gritty feel of the Minnesota winter. The visuals are so strong that the bitter cold of the north country chills the theater.

The script by Michael Seitzman, based on the book Class Action by Clara Bingham, creates a fictional character in Josie Aimes-- a composite of a number of different woman, including Lois Jenson, who was the first and most heroic plaintiff in this historic case. Especially compelling is the backstory that Seitzman and Niki Caro craft for Josie and the way that backstory informs the rest of the movie. Her experiences in the past are something that many women can sadly relate to, though to detail those experiences would reveal far too much I think.

The backstory is weaved into the movie's main story in a way that builds to an emotional flourish that lifts the film's otherwise weak courtroom scenes. If there is a flaw in North Country it is the by-the-numbers battle in the courtroom. Caro does as much as she can visually-- the court scenes are brightly lit but no less cold than the outdoor scenes-- but the scenes never rise above typical courtroom cliches. My opinion of this aspect of the film may be colored slightly by my opinion of the film's ending, which takes place in the courtroom and is a major letdown.

Of course Josie would not be the extraordinary character she is without the exemplary performance of Charlize Theron. At the head of an amazing cast that includes Oscar winners Sissy Spacek and Frances McDormand, as well as Woody Harrelson, Richard Jenkins and Sean Bean, Theron never let's you forget this is her movie. In North Country Charlize Theron essays a tough but vulnerable performance with depth and meaning. It's a performance worthy of such weighty subject matter as the very first and most difficult battle in the fight against sexual harassment.

The improvement of Charlize Theron as an actress in just the last three years is remarkable. Just four years ago seeing the name Charlize Theron on a movie poster was a stomach turning moment. Her shrill, unlikable, over-the-top performances in The Astronauts Wife, Devils Advocate and Sweet November are now a very distant memory. Monster changed everything and now North Country affirms that Charlize Theron is a true actress and a star, not just another pretty face.

North Country is the kind of heart rending cathartic drama people go to the movies to experience. A film that earns all of its emotional involvement and audience participation in the experience. North Country is also the rare modern movie that combines that emotional journey with a visual one that is its equal. Niki Caro and her team evoke not only the freezing cold of the north but the feel of a town caught in a time warp. The men are Neanderthals, the women are repressed and longing, and the whole thing is disturbing for people who lived through similar circumstances and people, like myself, who cannot fully relate to the struggles women have faced in the workplace.

North Country is an education, a history lesson about how far woman have come in establishing themselves in the workplace. It's a lesson that needs to be taught and retaught because as the old adage goes; those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. Our current laws on sexual harassment may at times seem ridiculous or overblown but they stem from a place of necessity because the type of abuse demonstrated in North Country should never be allowed to take place.

For Oscar watchers like myself North Country is a must see. Niki Caro's direction, Michael Seitzman's script, Gustavo Santaolalla's photography and the supporting performances of Frances McDormand and Richard Jenkins are all worthy of nominations. However, it is the performance of Charlize Theron that will have Oscar fans buzzing all the way to the big night. Theron has a very good chance of becoming the seventh actress in academy history to win two lead actress Oscars.

Had the ending of North Country been a little stronger I think a best picture nomination would be assured for North Country. Still, despite my minor misgivings, this is one terrific drama. A moving crowd pleaser with an important message and filled to overflowing with terrific performances. North Country is a must see for the new season.

Movie Review Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Remake)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Directed by Marcus Nispel 

Written by Scott Kosar 

Starring Jennifer Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, R. Lee Ermey

Release Date October 17th, 2003 

Published October 15th, 2003 

When I heard they were remaking Texas Chainsaw Massacre, my first thought was, why? It's already been remade a number of times under a number of different titles. Take House of 1000 Corpses, clearly a complete rip-off of Chainsaw, save for the actual use of a chainsaw. How about the backwoods hicks of Wrong Turn, clearly modeled after Leatherface and his lunatic family? Its low budget look and guerilla shooting style have influenced nearly every horror film released in its wake.

Of course, the number of bad sequels that have provided variations on the original characters are in themselves merely re-imaginings of the first film. A remake would have to first justify itself with a reason to do it. The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre fails that test, never once providing a reason why it needs to exist.

It's the same setup as the 1974 original, a group of comely teenagers trekking their way through backwoods Texas on their way to who knows where, there is a vague allusion to a concert in this new version. Jessica Biel of TV's 7th Heaven plays the re-imagined role originally played by Marylin Burns, renamed Erin for the remake. Her friends are Kemper (Eric Balfour), Pepper (Erica Leerhsen), Andy (Mike Vogel) and Morgan (Jonathan Tucker). 

The kids nearly rundown a teenage girl along the desolate highway, wandering too nowhere. They pick her up and she begins babbling about someone being dead and grave warnings about the direction they are driving. Before she can explain anything more, she meets an ugly end at her own hands, it's actually the film's most effectively gory visual. It's all downhill from there, however.

With the dead girl in the backseat, the traumatized teens stop off in Travis County to find help. What they find however is a sadistic, twisted sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) and his equally sadistic and twisted family, including the murderous chainsaw wielding Leatherface (Eric Bryarniarski) who eats teenagers for breakfast... and lunch and dinner as well.

It's been a while since I've seen Tobe Hooper's original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but I can recall it being far more effective than Director Marcus Nispel's slight, slick re-imagining. There was a visceral quality to the original that is greatly lacking in this remake. It's a quality that Nispel tries to make up for by beating the audience senseless with a chase sequence that lasts what seems like hours. The stylized music video slickness is completely at odds with the original film.

The higher production values of the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I gather, are supposedly the justification for the remake. As if trying to answer the unasked question of "What might Tobe Hooper have done with a bigger budget for the original?” Who cares what he might have done, what he did with his miniscule budget is part of the film’s appeal? The low production value and Daniel Pearl's minimalist cinematography are part of horror legend. Pearl returns for the remake and does seem to revel in his newfound technical freedom. However, improving on the look of the original isn't anything anyone asked to see.

The young actors give a good account of themselves in their underwritten victim roles, especially Biel who may have found her niche as a scream queen on par with Jaime Lee Curtis. However, she needs to find herself an original franchise to make her mark in the genre. Somewhere there is a new horror franchise ready to change the genre and directors like Marcus Nispel could better spend their time discovering that new franchise rather than applying modern polish to horror classics like Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Movie Review Runaway Jury

Runaway Jury (2003) 

Directed by Gary Fleder

Written by Brian Koppelman, David Levien, Matthew Chapman

Starring John Cusack, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Rachel Weisz, Jeremy Piven, Bruce McGill

Release Date October October 17th, 2003 

Published October 16th, 2003

John Grisham novels and the movies made from them are a guilty pleasure for millions. I say guilty pleasure because the work is often merely melodramatic potboilers that adopt legal and political stances that the author bends to his melodramatic will. Indeed, the law in a Grisham novel is often specious and more often than not inaccurate, but necessarily inaccurate to fit the story.

That said, the novels are also tightly plotted and populated by colorful Southern characters and terrific dialogue. It's easy for the non-lawyer crowd to forgive Grisham of his factual indiscretions because his work is just so damn entertaining. The latest of Grisham's work easily transplanted to the screen is Runaway Jury, a look at a trial from the jury's perspective.

John Cusack stars as Nick Easter, a seemingly normal video game store clerk. When Nick is called for jury duty, he reacts like most Americans, utter contempt and annoyance. However, that is merely a cover. Nick has been trying for jury duty and the opportunity to sit in on a huge lawsuit against gun manufacturers. Nick, along with his girlfriend Marlee (Rachel Weisz), are rigging the jury in a scam to soak either side to pay them $10 million dollars.

On one side is the noble Southern gentlemen Wendell Rohr (Dustin Hoffman), representing the wife of a stockbroker who was killed in an office shooting by a disgruntled employee with an illegally purchased semi-automatic weapon. It is Rohr's contention that gun manufacturers were aware of and rewarding the illegal sales of their guns by company owned gun stores.

On the opposing side, representing the gun manufacturers is Durrwood Cable (Bruce Davison). He however is merely the legal mouthpiece for a shady jury consultant named Rankin Fitch (Gene Hackman). Fitch is the gun manufacturer’s hired gun for rigging a favorable jury by any means necessary. With the help of his team of investigators, Finch compiles blackmail information against potential jurors.

That sets the tables for a number of clever twists and turns, but not so clever that they wink at the audience. Clever in the sense that they play directly to audience expectations. The twists don't surprise the audience, but they aren't insultingly predictable. Screenwriter Brian Koppelman does a great job of adapting Grisham's tight pacing and colorful characters, even as he is forced to change the trial from Grisham's tobacco companies to gun companies. I say forced to change because lawsuits against tobacco companies aren't exactly a fresh topic.

My favorite part of Runaway Jury however is the film’s unquestionably liberal politics. Where so many films shy away from taking a stand on an issue, Runaway Jury is clearly sympathetic to the liberal cause of gun control. The gun manufacturers are the most thinly drawn characters and their smoke-filled private meetings in which all the major gun companies discuss their conspiracy is so blatantly conspiratorial you marvel at the filmmaker’s brazenly malevolent portrayal.

Director Gary Fleder is the perfect director for Grisham. His last directorial outing was the non-Grisham Grisham movie High Crimes. Both films have a mere gloss of real law and are heavy on the melodrama. Both films cleverly cast their films with actors whose audience cache get us past minor plot holes and specious legal wrangling. Fleder has the same talent for pacing as Grisham and while the story is somewhat unwieldy with a number of small supporting characters that get lost occasionally, Runaway Jury is still a very entertaining legal thriller.

Movie Review Kill Bill Volume 1

Kill Bill Volume 1 (2003) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Vivica A Fox, Michael Madsen

Release Date October 10th, 2003 

Published October 9th, 2003 

It's been six years since Quentin Tarentino last graced the big screen with his considerable directorial presence. In his time away, his existence was pondered in ways only J.D. Salinger could relate too. What was the preeminent auteur of his generation up to all that time? His name was attached to every film that even vaguely resembled his style and, for a time, that seemed his only context. Then finally after a number of delays, Tarentino went into a production that would be the most analyzed, textualized, and criticized film since Kubrick's 2001. How could any film live up to this kind of hype?

Kill Bill stars Uma Thurman as an assassin who survives an attempted assassination by her former friends and employer. The employer is Bill, and her former friends are a group called the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. There is O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu) --codename Cottonmouth--Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah) --codename: California Mountain Snake--Bud (Michael Madsen) --codename: Sidewinder--and Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox) --codename: Copperhead. Our heroine's own codename had been Black Mamba, but we only know her as the bride.

The reason why the bride was targeted by her friends is unclear; what we do know is that she survived a serious beating and a bullet in the head before awakening from a four-year coma. Once awakened from that coma, she is ready to seek her bloody vengeance on the friends and former employer who not only tried to kill her but also murdered her wedding party and her unborn child.

Kill Bill has been called the most violent film in history. I doubt that such hyperbole is justified but the film is very violent. Beheadings, de-limbings, and buckets of blood drop all over the screen as Tarentino choreographs his violence to match the ultra-violent Hong Kong martial arts pictures that inspired him. This is no mere homage; however, Kill Bill is HK cinema raised to an artistic level that the original HK masters could never achieve on their miniscule budgets.

Often, I criticize films for their lack of plot and characterizations, but in the case of Kill Bill all that is missing is forgiven. Kill Bill is one of those films that is not about character and story but rather an exercise in pure style. Where some films are showcases for actors to show off the craft of acting, Kill Bill is the rare occasion where a director showcases his ability to direct. Kill Bill is Quentin Tarentino's film symphony, with actors as his orchestra acting at the wave of his baton.

With help from Hong Kong martial arts master Yuen Wo Ping, Tarentino coordinates one of the bloodiest and most enthralling fight scenes ever. First, though, The Bride travels to Okinawa where she acquires a sword from a master sword maker Hattori Hanzo played by HK legend Sonny Chiba. The sword says Hanzo could slice God. Then it's onto Tokyo and the films centerpiece battle where The Bride battles O-Ren and her henchmen the Crazy 88. In an expertly choreographed and stylishly over the top sequence, The Bride maims and kills the 88 and then claims their severed limbs as a trophy. Then it's on to her revenge against Ishii, another well-choreographed and especially well acted sequence by Thurman and Lucy Lui.

My sister gave me a CD called The Roots of Hip Hop and on it are some of the most sampled songs in history. As fans of hip hop know, a great piece of sampling can become an artwork all its own and much like great hip hop, Quentin Tarentino turns his sampling from HK martial arts movies, spaghetti westerns and Japanese anime (the film’s best chapter, O-Ren Ishii's bloody back story is told in an exquisite piece of anime) into a work of art that can stand alone as a work of art.

Admittedly I would rather see the film in its full three-hour length instead of its current chopped-in-the-middle-release, but, nevertheless, I was satisfied with seeing half now and half in February. If the second half lives up to the promise of the first half, then even the angriest detractor will be satisfied with the latest Tarentino master work.

Movie Review School of Rock

School of Rock (2003) 

Directed by Richard Linklater 

Written by Mike White 

Starring Jack Black, Mike White, Joan Cusack, Sarah Silverman

Release Date October 3rd, 2003 

Published October 2nd, 2003

The premise is such a conventional sounding comic setup that it implies disaster. A slacker, wannabe rock star scams his way into teaching at a stuffy private school. However, when you look closer, you see that the story was penned by the brilliant Mike White, the mind behind The Good Girl and Chuck & Buck. It's directed by Richard Linklater who has already directed two masterpieces in this short century, Tape and Waking Life. Finally, the film’s star is that whirling dervish comic invention Jack Black. With this trio of brilliant minds behind it, the conventional comedy setup of School of Rock becomes the single funniest movie of 2003.

Dewey Finn (Black) has the dream of heavy metal guitar God, but not the talent. Thus, why his bandmates decide to oust him after a particularly bad show. Penniless and now jobless, Dewey is about to be kicked out of his apartment by his best friend Ned (Mike White) and Ned's harridan girlfriend Patti (Sarah Silverman). Then the phone rings, it's a private school calling for Ned to sub for an ailing teacher. Needing money to pay the rent Dewey steps in for Ned and begins teaching fifth grade.

Once in the school Dewey is clearly in over his head until he hears the kids in music class. What he discovers is that these are some very talented musicians who with his help could form a rock band to challenge his old band in a battle of the bands contest. So, telling the kids it's a class project, Dewey begins teaching the kids how to rock.

His teachings include rock history and rock appreciation, and homework is listening to Rush, Led Zeppelin and Yes. What's amazing is Black's passion for this music and his ease in communicating this passion to the kids. Using concert footage of classic drummers like Keith Moon and Neill Purtt and guitarists like Hendrix and Jimmy Page to teach the kids how to play. All the while playing out the conventional scenario of helping the kids overcome their problems with self-image and bullies. This inevitably leads to conflict with the school's uptight principal played by Joan Cusack and a Rocky style “overcoming the odds” ending.

However, in the capable hands of White, Linklater and Black this scenario never becomes trite. Black working from a script that White wrote specifically for him, has a passion for the material that comes blasting off the screen in bursts of comic genius. His interaction with the gifted child actors who played their own instruments is truly hysterical. Black carries the young actors over the rough spots that come to all young actors.

The music in the film is non-stop rock from AC/DC, Rush, Yes and a host of classic 70's rock tunes. What's really surprising is how good these kids are, and the songs written for them by Mike White and Jack Black. The songs, which have a vaguely Tenacious D sound are more than credible as is the playing by these gifted kids. The battle of the band's scenes at the end of the film showcases these talented young players playing well off of Black who is not a bad musician himself.

Richard Linklater directs with a perfectly relaxed camera and an eye for allowing his star to carry the day in every scene. Set the camera down and let Jack Black do something amazing. There is far more to it than that however, Linklater's style is present throughout the film but only in the softest of touches. He directs just enough to get exactly what he wants from each scene. This could be the mainstream hit that draws the indie director into the world of the big paycheck.

School Of Rock is clearly a showcase for Jack Black. It's the film that his fans have been waiting for him to make. The one that many people thought Orange County could be before MTV got a hold of it. This film should be enough to hold fans over till the Tenacious D movie is completed.

Movie Review Out of Time

Out of Time (2003) 

Directed by Carl Franklin

Written by David Collard

Starring Denzel Washington, Eva Mendes, Sanaa Lathan, Dean Cain

Release Date October 3rd, 2003 

Published October 2nd, 2003 

In his last leading role, Denzel Washington won an Oscar exploring his dark side in the cop thriller Training Day. It was Denzel's first time on the wrong side of audience sympathies, and he pulled it off magnificently. If only more roles were as well written as that one. If only his latest role, as yet another cop, had been as well written as Training Day, but it's not. It's not a bad film but as it's written it's a convoluted little thriller that toys with the audience one too many times.

Denzel is Matt Whitlock, Chief of Police in tiny Branyon Key, Florida. A town so small that the chief walks the main thoroughfare checking to see if the doors are locked, and it doesn't take long. Chief Whitlock's personal life is nowhere near as simple as his job. He is separated from his wife Alex (Eva Mendes) and is seeing his ex-high school sweetheart Anne (Sanaa Lathan) behind the back of her husband Chris (Dean Cain). Chris and Matt are also enemies and have been for a number of years. Chris is a former quarterback who was cut from his team and now works as a security guard, something Matt can't help but remind him of.

Even more complicated is the fact that though Matt is sleeping with Anne he still has feelings for his wife and wishes they could stay together. The plot kicks into gear when Matt accompanies Anne to a doctor’s appointment where she is told she has cancer. She unfortunately doesn't have the money to pay for treatment, but Matt might. Recently the Banyon Key police department busted a drug dealer and took into evidence some 450 grand. Matt thinks he can take the money to help Anne and while the case is in appeal, he will have plenty of time to replace it.

From there the film moves into its most exciting moments, Anne and Chris supposedly die in a fire in their home and all evidence points to Matt. Worse, his ex-wife is the investigating officer. So, Matt, with the help of his medical examiner buddy Chae (John Billingsley), must solve the case while preventing Alex and his fellow officers from discovering the evidence that implicates him.

This is a very dense narrative that twists and turns and at many points is quite enjoyable. However, it's also rather conventional in the sense that you have seen this setup more than a few times. It's a rather typical noir that doesn't escape the predictable formula. Denzel Washington in a noir mystery is certainly not bad thing, but Out of Time isn't a good enough movie for Denzel. 

All director Carl Franklin can do with the script written by first time screenwriter David Collard, is make it stylish and Franklin succeeds for a good portion of the film. With help from Cinematographer Theo Van De Sande, Franklin takes great advantage of the warm, tropical, color palette of his small-town Florida locale.

The most appealing element of the film is not surprisingly Denzel Washington. The film nearly succeeds on his credibility alone. Sadly, Washington can't quite make this script work on his own. It's just too convoluted, too reliant on coincidence, chance and “only in the movies” type moments. The final confrontation of the film is really disappointing because it is the same climax that every other film of this genre has. It's as if it's required to happen this way.

Out of Time is not a bad film, it's stylish and well-acted but it jerks you around too much to be a successful piece of entertainment. If you’re forgiving of cliches and don't mind being played with in rather obvious ways, then you might like Out of Time. I almost did.

Movie Review: Under the Tuscan Sun

Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)

Directed by Audrey Wells

Written by Audrey Wells 

Starring Diane Lane, Raoul Bova, Sandra Oh, Lindsay Duncan 

Release Date September 26th, 2003 

Published September 25th, 2003 

It's hard to believe but Diane Lane has been acting since 1979.

Ever since her impressive debut in A Little Romance, Diane Lane was expected to be a star. Then came a series of flops, TV movies and impressive supporting roles. Then came 2002's Unfaithful, a drama about marital infidelity in which Lane fell for the romantic advances of a much younger man played by Olivier Martinez. The sexy, complicated role earned Lane an Oscar nomination and the kind of recognition that was expected of her years ago. Now with her first starring role since Unfaithful in the chick flick fantasy Under the Tuscan Sun, Lane finds true stardom.

Based on a best seller by Frances Mayes, Diane Lane stars as Mayes in this slightly fictionalized take on her personal experiences. Working in San Francisco as a college professor and book critic, Frances is happily married or so she thought. One night when attending a book release party for one of her students Frances is approached by a writer whose book, she panned. The writer tells Frances something about her husband that she doesn't know and soon the marriage is over.

Forced out of her home because of the divorce settlement, Frances temporarily holes up in a tiny furnished apartment with a group of other divorce victims. Luckily for Frances her friend Patti (Sandra Oh) is not about to let her wallow in her tiny apartment and surprises her with a trip to Tuscany. To assure Frances she can take the trip without being hassled by guys, it's a gay tour of Tuscany.

It takes some convincing but finally she accepts and she's off to romantic Tuscany. Once there, she falls irrationally in love with a villa called Bramasole and using all the money she has, she buys it. It's definitely a fixer upper with holes in the walls and floors and faucets with no running water. A quirky group of unusual Polish construction workers help her fix the place and get friendly over Frances's love of cooking for the guys.

Of course, in this romantic setting how can Frances not fall madly in love? On a day trip to Rome, Frances meets one of those men directly from a romance novel. In the best line of the film Frances asks the man his name and he say Marcello. Frances laughs and replies "of course it is.” Marcello is played by Raoul Bova, who does a fine job with an underwritten role.

The film isn't about Marcello, it's about Frances and this strange adventure that has brought her to the last place she ever thought she would be. This is a real terrific role for Diane Lane who needed to lighten up her work after Unfaithful. Nothing wrong with Unfaithful, she was Oscar nominated for the role and deserved it. I'm just saying that her role in Under the Tuscan Sun is a perfect change of pace that should guarantee her the stardom that has been expected of her since Time Magazine put her on the cover in 1980.

While Raoul Bova and Sandra Oh do fine work along with host of quirky supporting characters including Vincent Riotta and Lindsey Duncan, Diane Lane's true co-star in Under the Tuscan Sun is Italy. I have said it before and I will say it again, no country in the world films as well as Italy. The camera absolutely loves every inch of the sun-drenched coasts and cobble stone streets. When populated with characters as colorful as the country, it’s a wonder to watch.

Director Audrey Wells who also adapted the screenplay does a fantastic job in only her second time behind the camera, having also directed 2000's terrific Guinevere. Her story isn't overly complicated, and she does a great job of roping in the numerous subplots before one gets in the way of Frances in the main story. As sweetly absurd as some of these subplots are, it's a great task to keep them under control and Wells pulls off to near perfection.

Watching the commercials and trailers for Under the Tuscan Sun, I was amazed by Diane Lane's transformation from working actress to star. Her Oscar nomination only confirmed her ability, Under the Tuscan Sun shows Lane maturing into stardom in the classic Hollywood sense.

Movie Review Duplex

Duplex (2003) 

Directed by Danny Devito 

Written by Larry Doyle 

Starring Ben Stiller, Drew Barrymore, James Remar, Justin Theroux

Release Date September 26th, 2003 

Publushed September 25th, 2003 

As a director, Danny Devito has always had a taste for the darker side of human nature. Look at his resume, The War of the Roses, Throw Momma from the Train and Death to Smoochy, all comedies about trying to kill someone. Even the kid’s movie Matilda had a rather dark undertone to it. So, it's no surprise that he would be drawn to the dyspeptic comedy Duplex where a yuppie couple tries to kill a sweet old lady. Much like Death to Smoochy, the comic idea is in place, but the execution is off.

Duplex stars Ben Stiller as Alex and Drew Barrymore as his wife Nancy. Alex is a novelist nearly finished with his second book; Nancy is a magazine editor. The two are ready to move out of their cramped Manhattan apartment and think they have found the perfect spot. It's a two-story apartment in Brooklyn with a downstairs for them and an upstairs apartment that would be theirs if not for a long-standing tenant.

Mrs. Connelly (Eileen Essell) has lived in the building for what must be a hundred years. Because of New York's rent control laws, her rent is shockingly low, 88 dollars a month, and her lease is unbreakable. Poor Alex and Nancy, after seeing the old lady's apartment they could envision a lovely playroom for the child they plan to have someday. If only they could convince Mrs. Connelly to leave.

Even more frustrating than the old lady’s unwillingness to move is her constant presence in their lives. As they try to sleep, Mrs. Connelly is watching television at a rock concert level volume. When Alex stays home to complete his novel, he is constantly interrupted by Mrs. Connelly's requests for help with her plumbing or her shopping. Then when Alex leaves the apartment to write elsewhere, Mrs. Connelly starts calling Nancy at work eventually getting Nancy fired from her job.

All of this frustration finally leads to the couple deciding to kill the old bat. Their frustration may seem unreasonable because she is an old lady, but the film does shade Mrs. Connelly with a creepy vibe of purposeful torture. With the help of a local police officer (Robert Wisdom) who always happens to be at the right place when Mrs. Connelly needs him, Alex and Nancy are accused of numerous crimes and Alex gets shot in a place where Stiller is becoming used to the abuse (hint: franks and beans).

Director Devito wants us to hate the old lady as much as Alex and Nancy do. Unfortunately, in doing that, he tips his hand, and the plot becomes predictable. The film’s numerous plot holes don't help either but to reveal them would give away the story the same way the film does, way too early.

What I liked about Duplex was how early in the film Devito played off of our natural instinct to trust and revere old people. Everyone has always been told to respect your elders and help them when they need help. They are fragile and need our help, it's perfectly natural for Alex and Nancy to feel obligated to help. When the old woman becomes overbearing and even sinister is when Devito's test of your moral character comes in. How much can two people take from this old woman before they snap and more importantly how long can the audience go before, we start cheering for them to snap?

Stiller and Barrymore are up for anything in Duplex, especially Stiller who seems built to take punishment of all kinds. What is it about Stiller that makes directors want to abuse him? I don't know but he takes it better than most actors do and to great comic touch. Barrymore initially seems wrong for this role but quickly adapts to the darker parts of her character. It's Nancy who firsts wonder what they could do to get the old lady out and she's never merely along for the ride.

What doesn't work though are the comic situations that fill out the story to the length of the film. Too many of the situations press beyond believability and into contrivance. The jokes even help to give away the film’s ending, if you can't see it coming a mile away you weren't paying attention. The predictability of the story removes the tension from key scenes near the end and renders scenes in the middle meaningless.

Much like his Death To Smoochy, Devito plays off of a natural convention to test your morals. In Smoochy it was a kids show host with murderous rage. In Duplex, it's a married couple trying to kill an elderly woman. Both are interesting premises, but both were botched in execution through heavy handed plotting and scatological jokes that take place simply to fill time.

Movie Review: Underworld

Underworld (2003) 

Directed by Len Wiseman 

Written by Danny McBride 

Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy 

Release Date September 19th, 2003 

Published September 18th, 2003 

It sounded like such a great idea. A Romeo and Juliet style romance set against the backdrop of a war between vampires and werewolves. How could that not be endlessly cool! In the hands of director Len Wiseman, what sounded so cool in brief plot description becomes an overwrought, derivative genre piece that disappoints on so many levels.

Kate Beckinsale stars as Selene, a vampire whose gig is killing werewolves. You see, for years behind the backs of humans, vampires and werewolves have been waging a brutal and bloody war. Most recently the vampires had been dominant, but a new pack of werewolves has come to town with all sorts of new toys to kill vamps and a plan to unite the two species.

The key to the plot is a young doctor named Michael (Felicity's ineffectual dope Scott Speedman). Michael may or may not be the descendent of an unholy tryst between a werewolf and a vampire. His blood could hold the key to creating a super race that would end the war. After Michael and Selene's life, she makes it her mission to protect him, and as it happens, she falls in love with him.

Beckinsale decked out in black leather and big shiny guns not surprisingly evokes Trinity from The Matrix and like that supposedly "deep" film, Underworld has some high-minded ideals of its own. Beneath its surface of vamps and wolves are elements of Shakespeare, Greek tragedy and a vague allusion to the futility of war.

Unfortunately, it's all swathed in this illusion of cool. Outfitting the film in the look of The Matrix and siphoning off the classic appeal of all things Goth, the film buries its ideals beneath bullets, blood and worst of all, leaden dialogue.

The film’s first half an hour or so is quite interesting, showing vampires dominating werewolves, which is a true Goth fantasy. A group of pallid skinny Goths dominating big brutish bullies is straight out of some Cure fan’s wet dream.

For her part, Beckinsale is an effective heroine, believably tough and ruthless when she has to be. Her co-star Scott Speedman on the other hand is a wet blanket, a weepy, whiny wuss who can't even transform into a half vampire/half werewolf and not get beat up. Speedman has the look and the physique to play the part but the same soppiness that marked his character on the show Felicity is on display again in Underworld.

There is a good movie to be made from this setup. Clearly, the idea of vampires fighting werewolves has an endless appeal to fans of the genre. Underworld squanders this plot with overwrought cliches and too much black leather and bullets.

Movie Review Secondhand Lions

Secondhand Lions (2003) 

Directed by Tim McCanlies 

Written by Tim McCanlies 

Starring Haley Joel Osment, Kyra Sedgwick, Michael Caine, Robert Duvall 

Release Date September 19th, 2003 

Published September 18th, 2003 

Director Tim McCanlies may be best known for his terrific script for the animated film Iron Giant. Now for his latest effort he remains a little animated with a story rumored to be cribbed from the background of comic strip writer Bill Watterson and his comic Calvin & Hobbes, about a young boy and his friendly lion. In Secondhand Lions, however, the lion is just a metaphor for a pair of aging adventurers who find a new adventure, life raising their ten-year-old nephew and adjusting to old age.

Secondhand Lions stars Haley Joel Osment as Walter, who is being dumped by his irresponsible mother, Mae (Kyra Sedgwick), with his heretofore unknown great uncles. Hub (Robert Duvall) and Garth (Michael Caine) have been missing for some forty years. The rumors of their exploits are innumerous, working for the mob, roaming around Europe, fighting with the foreign legion in Africa, etc. Whatever they were doing they are said to have become quite wealthy because of their adventures.

That's one reason why Mae leaves Walter with his great uncles, to try and get them into the will or at least into their wallets. Hub and Garth aren't stupid and are in fact used to this sort of invasion from other family members who make their greed much more obvious. Young Walter however isn't interested in their money, he would prefer to stay with his mom, but eventually he begins to bond with his uncles and their many eccentricities. Much to the dismay of his money-grubbing relatives.

As Hub and Garth become more comfortable with Walter, Garth opens up about their past and their fortunes. In the best scenes of the film Garth weaves a tale of romance and adventure that Director McCanlies films in the style of classic Hollywood serials. Fabulous foreign locales, grand heroic battles and grand romance. Christian Kane, well known as a bad guy on the WB's Angel, plays young Hub in flashback and is a terrific hero.

Duvall and Caine are terrific in roles they could have performed in their sleep. It is not at all hard to believe that Duvall and Caine once had grand adventures in Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Duvall is especially terrific in the slightly more difficult role of the aging hero who has returned home without a purpose. Until Walter arrives, Hub is simply waiting out his life. He takes longer to come around to the kid because he's still wrapped in his past and searching for some reason to stay alive.

Walter helps his uncles by convincing them to spend their fortune, as seen in the trailer of the film they don't take kindly to salesmen. Once Walter convinces them to talk to them instead of shooting at them, they find new ways to enjoy life and their treasure.

The Calvin & Hobbes connection comes when Hub & Garth buy a lion to hunt and kill like they did years ago. Instead, they get an aged zoo-dweller that's too tired for a hunt. Making its home in their cornfield, the lion becomes Walter's pet. The lion is one among many obvious metaphors for the two old men who come to terms with their age and as obvious as they are, they do work in context.

Tim McCanlies directed and wrote the script for Secondhand Lions and along with his obvious metaphors there are some family movie cliches and some sappy sentimentalism. But there is also a terrific story. The flashback scenes, which in many movies are the weakest points, are really strong in this film. Shot in the fashion of a silent movie with Garth narrating everything, it is a wonderful adventure and a mystery. Walter's greatest conflict in the film is whether or not he can believe these terrific tales.

Few non-animated family films are worth the ticket price, which makes Secondhand Lions that much more impressive. It's a rare family movie that won't put adults to sleep. Watching legendary actors like Robert Duvall and Michael Caine in roles that are perfectly crafted to them is a real joy and the two veterans elevate the movie above its genre and story.

Movie Review Matchstick Men

Matchstick Men (2003) 

Directed by Ridley Scott

Written by Ted Griffin

Starring Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Allison Lohman, Bruce McGill 

Release Date September 12th, 2003 

Published September 11th, 2003 

Nicholas Cage has had a very unique road to stardom. He began his career on the indie circuit trying to overcome the perception that he was merely Francis Ford Coppola's nephew. He then graduated to unique supporting roles in oddball romances such as Moonstruck and Peggy Sue Got Married. Because he avoided conventional leading man roles, it seemed he was destined for the career of a great supporting actor a la Peter Lorre. Then came his star turn and Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas, a role that completely changed his career. Whether that was a good thing or not is debatable. The role led to starring roles in two awful Jerry Bruckheimer action pics. 

Now Cage seems to be maturing into his stardom, varying his choice in lead roles from bad action like Windtalkers to bad drama like Captain Corelli's Mandolin to the occasional terrific role like the one he had in Bringing Out the Dead. Those great roles are becoming few and far between for Cage, and though his role as a neurotic con man in Ridley Scott's Matchstick Men might seem like a step in the right direction, his career rehab is not entirely successful.

As Roy Waller, Cage is a con man with a conscience. He will still take your money, but he feels bad about it, and his guilt spills out of him in a number of tics and phobias. His partner Frank (Sam Rockwell) has no such qualms about what he does and urges Roy to move up to bigger cons with bigger stakes. In an effort to get Roy to go for the big con, Frank sets Roy up with a psychiatrist (Bruce Altman) who links some of Roy's problems to a child Roy isn't certain he ever had.

Through a little investigation, the psychiatrist locates a woman who indeed had Roy's baby some years ago. The girl, Angela (Alison Lohman), is now a teenager and eager to meet the father she never knew. Angela is quick to insinuate herself into Roy's life and eventually into his profession as he teaches her the tricks of the trade. All the while, Frank is setting up a big-time pigeon (Bruce Mcgill) for what could be a million-dollar con.

Director Ridley Scott has a number of directorial flourishes topping off numerous plot twists. However, much of what happens is predictable and precarious from a story standpoint, as the twists require a good deal of suspension of disbelief that the movie never earns. The most talked about portion of the film is its ending and I won't reveal what happens except to say that you're likely to be disappointed.

To be sure, the film is a pro effort from top to bottom. Scott and his cast give first rate effort at making this dubious plot work. Lohman once again shows great chops as she did in last year's highly underrated White Oleander. Hers is the only fully realized character in Matchstick Men. Rockwell is also strong in a role that is terribly underwritten and too often he disappears entirely from the film.

As for Cage, he's playing a role with tics and gestures and phobias that draw audience attention even while other actors are talking. From an acting standpoint, it's a dream role. However, the tics and gestures overwhelm the performance, and the character gets lost beneath the facade. To be sure, I prefer this role to Cage's dewy-eyed romantics and action dunderheads, but this is no Leaving Las Vegas-like return to acting form.

Many believe that to make a movie about con men you have to have a great con. In reality, the con is merely window dressing, context for great performances and interesting characters and dialogue. Matchstick Men has portions of great performances, and one really good performance by Lohman, but the lack of fully fleshed out characters only calls attention to the window dressing that is a rather weak and predictable con.

Movie Review: Dickie Roberts Former Child Star

Dickie Roberts Former Child Star (2003) 

Directed by Sam Weisman

Written by Fred Wolf 

Starring David Spade, Mary McCormack, Jon Lovitz, Alyssa Milano, Rob Reiner, Craig Bierko

Release Date September 5th, 2003 

Published September 4th, 2003 

Roger Ebert has a terrific line in his review of Dickie Roberts: Child Star. A line that sums up David Spade's career better than anything I have ever heard. Roger believes that David Spade could successfully play the lead in a story that hates his character. That perfectly describes the problems with both Dickie Roberts and Spade's previous film Joe Dirt. It's obvious from watching both films that neither character was built to be likable or sweet. Yet, because Hollywood believes all lead characters must be wholly likable, these films were forced to shoehorn in character traits that Spade cannot play. Things like being likable or charismatic or attractive. 

In the 1970's, Dickie Roberts was the star of one of TV's biggest hits "The Glimmer Gang". Then when he turned 9 years old the show was canceled and Dickie's mother left him. From the age of 9, Dickie's oddball behavior and pigeonholed rep as a child star prevented him from getting an acting gig and eventually he took a job parking cars at a Hollywood restaurant.

Dickie remains grounded somewhat by his group of former child star friends including Greg Brady, Danny Partridge, Leif Garrett and Screech. The group gets together once a week to bemoan their career lows and play poker. Also helping Dickie is his agent Sidney (Jon Lovitz). Are all Hollywood agents in movies named Sidney?

After an embarrassing loss on Celebrity Boxing and a break up with his bitch girlfriend Cyndi (Alyssa Milano), Dickie hears of a movie part that he would be perfect for. It's a role in a new film directed by Rob Reiner. Unfortunately for Dickie, Rob Reiner doesn't think Dickie could play the role because Dickie never had a real childhood. This launches us into the thrust of the film; Dickie hires a family to treat him to the childhood he never had.

Given our culture’s odd fascination with the travails of former child stars, Dickie Roberts starts with a good satirical premise. Unfortunately, Spade and his co-writer Fred Wolf abandon much of the satire in favor of the treacle family stuff. The family dynamic of Dickie relearning how to be a child to become a better adult is the driving force of the plot but it's not nearly as interesting or funny as the one scene of Dickie and his child star buddies playing poker. There are a number of funny lines sprinkled throughout the poker scene such as Barry Williams using Brady memorabilia in place of cash or Dustin "Screech" Diamond's mortification over the perks he never got.

Forcing Spade and his smarmy, snarky persona into the family scenes and a terrifically misguided romantic subplot with the mother played by Mary McCormick slams the film to a halt. Credit Spade for wringing a few laughs out of these scenes but not nearly enough. Only one scene in the family section of the film shows Spade and Wolf's best comic instincts. It's a scene where the family's young daughter tries out for her schools pep squad. A more popular girl tries out first and performs a stunningly sexual dance and the judges are rightly horrified. In most films that performance would be praised but here it gets the treatment that a nine-year-old acting like a stripper deserves, utter shock and disdain.

It's unquestionable that both Spade and Wolf have strong comic instincts. The problem is they are too often reigned in by conventional film writing that states that lead characters must be likable from beginning to end. Neither Dickie Roberts or Joe Dirt are likable characters, they are buffoons and the movies that surround them struggle to treat them that way but are undermined by the conventional need to make the characters sympathetic. Spade just doesn't do sympathetic.

Given the opportunity, Spade might make a very funny movie. In fact I am one of the few who liked his first solo starring effort Lost and Found where he seemed less shackled to the conventionally likable character. That film’s massive box office failure may be some of the reason why his other films have fit easier into that Hollywood likability box and have been comic failures whereas Lost and Found was merely a money failure.

Movie Review: Avenging Angelo

Avenging Angelo (2003) 

Directed by Martin Burke 

Written by Steve Mackall 

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Madeleine Stowe, Anthony Quinn, Raoul Bova, Billy Gardell

Release Date May 20th, 2003 

Published July 5th, 2003 

It's been a rough couple years for Sly Stallone's film career. The man has gone from the world’s biggest box office draw to holding his film premieres at Blockbuster Video. Nevertheless, Stallone is still a huge star internationally and whether or not he is successful in the US, he can make movies for international audiences for the rest of his career. Successful money making movies that American audiences almost never see. His latest is a romantic-mob comedy Avenging Angelo.

As you watch the film you can hear the Hollywood pitch meeting, "It's When Harry Met Sally meets The Sopranos.” Stallone is Frankie, a mob bodyguard for an aging Mafioso played by Anthony Quinn. Employing both a flashback and voiceover from Stallone we learn that Quinn's character had a child years ago but was forced to give the child up because of a vendetta from his enemies. Now as Quinn is dying he is ready to tell his daughter the truth.

The daughter is an unhappy housewife named Jennifer (Madeline Stowe). She’s married to a cheating husband who forces her to send her son to military school. After finally catching her husband cheating with a close friend, she throws him out. At the same time the mob boss has passed on and sent Frankie to deliver the news to Jennifer. Surprise, your real father was a mob boss! Not only that but the secret is out that you are a mob princess and there are people out to kill you. So, Frankie moves into her home to protect her.

There are some very funny moments in Avenging Angelo, especially in the chemistry of Stallone and Stowe. Though Stowe's performance is somewhat on the shrill side, she is tempered by Stallone's relaxed, confident performance. Unfortunately, the story that surrounds the performances is contrived and unconvincing. Once Stowe accepts her new persona as a mobster's daughter, she starts talking about whacking people and taking on the family business. Apparently, the transformation from WASPy housewife to Italian mob mother is only a script contrivance away.

Director Martyn Burke is yet another in a long line of directors who are excellent technicians but not great directors. Burke is a great choice if you want a straight transfer of script to screen but if you're looking for innovation, for a director to bring some spice to a familiar story, you should look elsewhere. See Avenging Angelo for Anthony Quinn. While this film may not be the perfect coda for his amazing career, it was nevertheless his last film and that makes it historic. That Stallone and Stowe make the film mildly entertaining around him is a nice bonus.

Movie Review Jeepers Creepers 2

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003) 

Directed by Victor Salva

Written by Victor Salva 

Starring Ray Wise, Justin Long, Nicki Aycox 

Release Date August 29th, 2003 

Published August 28th, 2003 

I can remember clearly not expecting much from the first Jeepers Creepers movie and being quite surprised by how much I enjoyed it. What was most surprising was the character development--most horror films don't have any. Justin Long and Gina Phillips playing brother and sister in the movie was refreshing and the two had a familiar, brother sister chemistry that I enjoyed. 

Jeepers Creepers developed two likable, believable lead characters for actors Justin Long and Gina Philips. What also worked was director Victor Salva's creative homage to Spielberg's little seen classic Duel, a film that has long deserved cult status. It wasn't a great film but it had the right mix of horror movie scares and knowing humor. For the sequel, director Salva returns without any of the elements of the first film, save for a cameo by Long, and makes another standard issue crappy sequel right off of the Hollywood assembly line. He didn't even use the creepy song that was a supposedly critical part of the first film.

Traveling down a lonesome backwoods highway, a group of teenagers are singing (as teens are so apt to do) about the big game they just won. Suddenly, a tire blows and the team's coaches and the bus driver make a grisly discovery--a sharp throwing star-like device made from human flesh and bone. Undeterred, it's back on the bus and not long before yet another fleshy weapon fells the intrepid bus.

Meanwhile as the adults parse the inanity of the horror plot, a group of central casting's biggest cliches argues over things even more inane and ridiculous than the film's plot. As the kids become aware of the trouble they are in, we watch a couple of rather unintentionally funny moments as the adults are picked off one by one by the flying demon we in the audience know is the Creeper. It is not until one of the cheerleader chicks passes out and has a very convenient psychic vision that the cliche kids figure out what they are dealing with. Not that knowing it does any good.

Parallel to the kids on the bus is the story of a farmer played to great unintentional comic effect by Ray Wise (better known as Leland Palmer to Twin Peaks fans). Wise chews the scenery as his son is picked off by the Creeper in the scene that played well in small bites in the film's trailer. After losing his kid, the farmer goes all MacGyver/Rambo and sets out to kill the Creeper.

The film's big mistakes are innumerable, from script to cast to effects, but the biggest problem is the Creeper himself, who was largely unseen in the original. For the first 30 or so minutes of the first film, I thought the truck was the bad guy. In Jeepers Creepers 2there are extended shots of the Creeper's face that show him to be a 1930s cartoon character come to life. (I swear I saw this guy stalking Porky Pig in black and white.) This demystifying of the Creeper lessens his effectiveness to be scary and when he makes facial gestures and mimes, he reminds the audience of Freddy Krueger (and a far better horror film playing in the theater next door.)

What Freddy or Jason lost in becoming the focal point of their respective series was made up for in the personality department--Freddy with his horrible quips and puns and Jason's miming and head tilts. The Creeper has no such hook.

The film also establishes certain rules for the Creeper and then proceeds to defy them. Supposedly, he feeds on fear yet, when he swoops off with the team's coach, the guy had no idea there was anything to be afraid of. The Creeper murders numerous people offscreen who seem to have been clueless to his existence before he killed them. The Creeper is supposedly out for particular body parts but he still kills at random.

Pointing out plot holes in a horror film is like shooting fish in a barrel, so I must report the few good things in Jeepers Creepers 2. I really enjoyed Ray Wise's comic scene chewing; I realize that the humor his character creates is unintentional but it's still the best part of the film. Wise's character makes the films ending its most effective moment, even if it is, as I said, unintentionally humorous. The other good scene in the film is a dream sequence, which gives the characters a little plot update. It's an extremely convenient plot device, totally random and hackey from a screenwriting perspective, but it is well shot and Justin Long's cameo is a nice reminder of the first film's shocker climax.

It seems any film with a "2" behind the title has sucked big time this summer and Jeepers Creepers 2 is yet another example of that. Does this mean that Hollywood will make fewer sequels? No. Does this mean they will try to make them better? No. What does it mean then, it means there are plenty more crappy sequels to come and likely one of them will be bad enough to make you forget how bad Jeepers Creepers 2 was.

Movie Review My Boss's Daughter

My Boss's Daughter (2003) 

Directed by David Zucker

Written by David Dorfman 

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Tara Reid, Terrence Stamp, Andy Richter, Molly Shannon 

Release Date August 22nd, 2003 

Published August 24th, 2003 

A lot has been written recently about Ashton Kutcher, mostly about his romance with Demi Moore. For me though what was most interesting is that despite his successful film career, he recently signed on for two more seasons of TV's That 70's Show. Whether it's because he loves the show and his cast mates or it's merely career insurance against films like My Boss's Daughter is up for question. It's nice to see that his temporary tabloid celebrity hasn’t gone to his head. It has however gone to the heads of the Hollywood executives who leech off such celebrities to help empty their shelves of trash such as My Boss's Daughter, a film that has collected two years of dust for a reason.

In My Boss's Daughter, Kutcher is a hapless book editor who dreams of a promotion and a chance to date the boss's daughter Lisa (Tara Reid). The boss Mr. Taylor (Terrence Stamp) is a severe taskmaster who fires people for sport including his secretary Audrey (Molly Shannon) for making bad coffee. When Tom bumps into Lisa in the hallway after a rather brutal encounter with her father, she asks him to come over to her place. Unfortunately Tom mistakes the invitation as a date, actually Lisa has a boyfriend and Tom has just volunteered to house sit for his boss while she goes out.

When poor Tom arrives for what he thinks is his date he finds his boss and quickly realizes his mistake. Instead of getting close to Lisa his night will be taken up with the boss's prize Owl. But that's not all, once the Boss is gone his no good son Red (Andy Richter) shows up. He is followed by the former secretary who came to get her job back, and then it's a drug dealer named T.J who has some business with Red.

Naturally, all of these people wreak havoc while Tom tries desperately to maintain the house and the bird. Thing's go from bad to worse when Lisa comes home and Tom has to hide the various destructive elements that have converged on the house.

For a short time in the middle of My Boss's Daughter director David Zucker actually strings together a series of very funny gags. Both Andy Richter and Molly Shannon have some very funny moments and Kutcher manages to play well off of them. What the film never manages however is a consistent storyline. The plot is entirely incoherent and most of the humor is never in any sort of context, that some gags manage to work on their own is a tribute to the director who has always had a way with a good gag.

Sadly, the talented director of the gag movies Baseketball, Naked Gun and Airplane chooses to play too much of My Boss's Daughter straight. The film could have functioned on the same level as Naked Gun et al had the director simply tossed out the conventional romantic plot, put in a few more sight gags and one liners and allowed his talented cast to fly off the handle the way we know they can. 

Kutcher, Richter, Shannon and even Terrence Stamp, who's roles usually tend toward the more serious of British drama's, show a great chemistry and comic timing that with some massaging by the director could have been an effective parody. But it never materializes and what is left with is a number of funny gags, some horribly misguided gags and an ending that is an absolute trainwreck that threatens to destroy what little goodwill the film had earned.

For the talented cast I can put aside the trainwreck but the missed opportunity of My Boss's Daughter is quite sad.

Movie Review Marcy X

Marci X (2003) 

Directed by Richard Benjamin 

Written by Paul Rudnick 

Starring Lisa Kudrow, Damon Wayans, Christine Baranski, Richard Benjamin

Release Date August 22nd, 2003 

Published August 21st, 2003 

An Open Letter to Hollywood

After sitting through the Gigli's, the Kangaroo Jack's and the Lara Croft Tomb Raider's it's clear you don't care about the American filmgoer. You have made it clear that you have no respect for our intelligence, no respect for our taste, no respect period. I understand that but I still must ask one favor, if you listen to us, the American filmgoer just one time please listen to this plea. Never allow director Richard Benjamin to make another film as long as he lives. His latest effort Marci X is clearly the worst that you in Hollywood could possibly ever make, and if it's not God help us all.

Normally this is the part of the review where I give a synopsis of the plot but unfortunately, I couldn't find one. Somewhere buried beneath a series of witless skits and musical interludes is something about a rapper played by Damon Wayans and a rap record that has drawn the ire of a conservative congresswoman played by Christine Baranski. Lisa Kudrow plays the daughter of the owner of the record company who is forced to take over the company when her father has a heart attack.

That is the setup but the execution, oh if only I were using execution literally, is a horrendous satire of rappers and rap culture that is inane, offensive and tremendously unfunny. References to rappers such as Tupac Shakur, Snoop Dogg and Eminem are tossed in alongside characters that stand in for people such as Puff Daddy, Jennifer Lopez and Suge Knight. God help Richard Benjamin if Suge Knight sees this film, although that might not be a bad thing. Can you sue someone for just referring to you because the rappers whose names and images are dragged through this film deserve restitution.

It comes as no surprise that Marci X has the stink of two years on a studio shelf, only Satan himself could be responsible for this film ever making it to theaters. The film's jokes certainly show the film's age, despite an overdubbed reference to Martha Stewart's legal troubles, one scene is a sendup of Puffy and J.Lo's nightclub incident. Of course the whole thing is a horribly misconceived take on Ice T's Cop Killer crossed with the Two Live Crew censorship case both of which happened over ten years ago.

Not that a more up to date script could help this mess. Benjamin's direction is so amazingly witless that he manages to not merely embarrass Kudrow, Wayans and Baranski, but humiliate them. The stars were complicit in their humiliation but it's hard to believe three such talented performers could have ever imagined that what they were making was this bad. Proof of that is that Kudrow and Wayans actually manage to spark some chemistry when they are short-circuited by the film falling apart around them.

Roger Ebert has a line that I have cribbed a number of times to describe just how bad a film is. Ebert said of a film called Mad Dog Time that it did not improve upon the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Marci X is actually an insult to the very screen it's projected on. I beg Hollywood, please do not allow Richard Benjamin to inflict any further damage on the film-going public. Not many will see Marci X but for the brave fools who do, you owe it to them to make sure Mr. Benjamin never makes another film.

Movie Review Thirteen

Thirteen (2003) 

Directed by Catherine Hardwicke

Written by Catherine Hardwicke, Nikki Reed 

Starring Evan Rachel Wood, Nikki Reed, Holly Hunter 

Release Date August 20th, 2003 

Published December 30th, 2003 

I have a niece who just turned thirteen. Recently she's become moody, narcissistic and vain. Your basic, everyday teenager. She wants to pierce her ears in more than one spot, she wants a tongue ring and a belly ring and talks incessantly about boys at school, including a guy who she met who has a car. The thought of that boy and his car is more frightening than any horror film that I've ever scene.

Now having seen a film called Thirteen about a girl who looks and acts uncannily like my niece, I can't imagine a horror film that could approach what I saw in this first time feature from director Catherine Hardwicke.

Evan Rachel Wood stars as Tracy, a high school outcast until she meets a friend who changes her life. Her name is Evie (Nikki Reed) and she is the most popular girl in school. Evie is also a troubled girl from a broken home who steals, smokes and has more sexual experience than a thirteen year old girl should have. Tracy, also from a broken home, is attracted to Evie's freedom and envious of the attention lavished on her from everyone, including her younger brother Mason (Brady Corbett).

Evie herself envies Tracy's relationship with her mother Mel (Holly Hunter), so envious that eventually she starts calling Mel “Mom” and nearly moves in with the family. Evie's own home is with her flighty cousin Brook (Debra Kara Unger), a model/bartender with an addiction to plastic surgery. It's not hard to see why Evie has such a screwed up sense of self and why she projects so much love on Mel and Tracy.

As the friendship progresses, so does the teen’s experimentation in destructive behavior. While Evie seeks Mel's love and approval, Tracy has begun rebelling against her mom. Mel doesn't help matters by taking up with a former boyfriend, Brady (Jeremy Sisto), who's drug problem and abusive behavior are some of the seeds of Tracy's discontent. The kettle boils over with the reappearance of her absentee father played by D.W Moffat in an effective cameo.

Catherine Hardwicke began her career as a production designer on the film Laurel Canyon. In her first time helming a picture, Hardwicke utilizes her skills as a production designer to create a very intimate, even claustrophobic atmosphere. The subject matter is real and substantive, helped greatly by Hardwicke's co-writer Nikki Reed. It was the thirteen year old Reed, the daughter of a friend, that inspired the story of Thirteen. Searching for a way to help the thirteen year old Reed get back on track after being on the rebellious end of this same story, Hardwicke helped Reed write the screenplay that became the film.

Reed's contributions give gravity to the story. But the scariest part of Thirteen is what we in the audience bring to the story in terms of our own experiences. Everyone has a younger sister, or niece or cousin who went through similar experiences with drugs or alcohol or sex. My sister lived a good portion of this film and my newly teenaged niece is showing a rebellious side recently.

Evan Rachel Wood also brings real life experience to Thirteen. Wood was thirteen years old when she shot this film and her looks and attitude fit the character perfectly. Wood knows this rebellion, though to what extent is something only her family is aware of. Her performance is a revelation and the announcement of a real talent to watch. As for Nikki Reed, the first time actress gives a good account of herself opposite this group of veteran actors.

Finally, there’s Holly Hunter who has been skirting the edges of mainstream Hollywood for a number of years. Hunter seems to be at a point in her career where she can work when she wants and on what she wants. Her performance is passionate and heartbreaking and she is most deserving of her Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress. This is Hunter's best performance since her 1988 Oscar nomination for Broadcast News.

It's been a renaissance recently for female filmmakers with directors such as Lisa Cholodenko, Rebecca Miller, Alison Anders and Sophia Coppola each making magnificent films. Add Catherine Hardwicke to that list. Thirteen is a terrific debut and Hardwicke is a director with a very bright future.