Movie Review: Flightplan

Flightplan (2005) 

Directed by Robert Schwentke

Written by Peter A. Dowling, Billy Ray

Starring Jodie Foster, Peter Sarsgard, Erika Christensen, Kate Beahan, Greta Scacchi, Sean Bean, Matt Bomer

Release Date September 23rd, 2005

Published September 23rd, 2005

Jodie Foster is an actress of particular tastes. Since her Oscar win in 1991 for Silence of The Lambs, Foster has been very particular about what films she makes, what directors she works with and what actors she co-stars. Few stars are known to be as demanding as Jodie Foster when it comes to even the minor details of her work.

Knowing this makes her latest film Flightplan so surprising and yet not puzzling. It's a surprise that Flightplan is so astonishingly bad but not puzzling as to why it's so bad.

Kyle Pratt (Foster) has lost her husband in what she believes was a tragic accident. Now returning his body to their home in New York from their temporary home in Germany, Kyle and her daughter Julia (Brent Sexton) have a 12 hour flight ahead of them. This, however, will not be a typically uncomfortable flight. Instead, at 25,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean, Julia Pratt is going to go missing.

After catching a few minutes sleep in some empty seats near the back of the plane, Kyle wakes up and cannot find her daughter. Enlisting the help of the crew she exhaustively searched the plane and finds nothing. Soon Kyle is demanding to speak to the captain (Sean Bean) and catching the attention of Air Marshall Carson (Peter Sarsgaard).

Some digging by the crew reveals that no one saw Kyle and Julia get on the plane. Once on board none of the crew members or passengers can remember seeing Julia either. Even a check of the flight manifest reveals that Julia was never processed for boarding and there was no boarding pass in her name. Can it be that Julia died along with her father in that tragic accident and Julia has only imagined her daughter alive and well on the plane?

That is an intriguing setup, but in execution Flightplan, pardon the pun, fails to take off. Director Robert Schwentke, working in his first American feature, has the beats and rhythm of the thriller genre down but the script from Billy Ray and Peter Dowling hinges on one of the single worst screenwriting tricks and hackneyed cliches in the genre.

In attempting to build tension Schwentke makes every other character aside from Foster shifty-eyed and suspicious. Everyone is a suspect, fellow passengers, crew members and such but no one other than Foster's character is portrayed as remotely sympathetic. If it weren't for the goofy thriller music and the shifty-eyed acting everyone on the film other than Foster might come off as rational compared to Foster's wacked mommy.

The super suspicious supporting cast is meant to create isolation which in turn creates more drama, especially considering the already confining location. However, to make such a method work the film needed Jodie Foster to deliver a character the audience feels for and wants to follow. As great an actress as Foster is, her Kyle Pratt is too much of a nut and a flake for anyone to really feel for her.

In her return to the American big screen (she appeared in Jean-Pierre Jeunet's A Very Long Engagement a year or so ago) after a three year hiatus, exascerbated by production delays on her directorial effort Flora Plum, Jodie Foster struggles with a shrill portrayal of a mother on the edge. Foster's Kyle Pratt can be forgiven for becoming unhinged after the death of her husband and disapppearance of her daughter but the character reaches a level of unreasonable behavior that would have had any other passenger sedated and chained to their seat.

Flightplan reminded me in a weird way of the 2000 Harrison Ford-Michele Pfeiffer film What Lies Beneath. Both films were thrillers with big important twists at the end and both films failed in delivering climaxes that matched the intriguing set ups. In What Lies Beneath Michele Pfeiffer delivers half of a great performance before being undone by series of poorly executed twists. Jodie Foster is similarly undone in Flightplan by twists that defy both logic and taste. Unlike Ms. Pfeiffer, however, the problems with Flightplan have as much to do with the scripting as with Jodie Foster's performance.

The most damnable sin Foster commits is simply not being likable. She never connects with the child playing her daughter and without a sympathetic supporting character as backup the audience is always outside the character watching her as if we were one of her highly annoyed fellow passengers.

After some terrific buzz for his performances in Shattered Glass and Garden State  Peter Sarsgaard has failed in attempts at crossing over to more mainstream fare. His dreary performance in the Kate Hudson thriller Skeleton Key and yet another creepy performance in Flightplan have Sarsgaard on the road to some real bad typecasting. Sean Bean as the captain of the plane and Erika Christenson as one of the flight attendants come off a little better than Sarsgard but not by much. Everytime either one of them looks like they might break from the constrictions of the plot and become sympathetic they are shuffled off screen.

It's a classic Hitchcockian thriller setup-- missing person, confined space, suspicious characters all around-- but the plot of Flightplan never congeals into the kind of crowd pleasing tension-fest that Hitch excelled at. Rather, Flightplan is almost laughably inept in creating tension; that shifty-eyed supporting cast for one is a real hoot as they really do seem to all have the same pair of nervous, wandering eyes with evil intent in every glare regardless of whether they actually are evil.

The film is very well shot; watch out for some really terrific maneuvering through the limited cabin space of the plane that will leave you wondering how they managed to do that.  Schwentke makes great use of his setting and the camerawork at times is able to create the tension the script fails to provide. Great camerawork however is not the kind of rousing crowd pleaser that us movie lovers would like to believe and in the end there is very little in Flightplan that would draw anyone in.

There is now a protest in the works against Flightplan that raises an interesting and disturbing point. The protest gives away an important plot point so if you don't want to know about it, skip ahead.....

The union representing flight attendants is objecting to the portrayal of flight crew and air marshals being portrayed in the film as terrorists. This raises an interesting question; in the post 9/11 world is it appropriate to portray flight crew as terrorists or is it simply irresponsible. Certainly no one profession is immune to being portrayed negatively but there's something unseemly about it. I don't necessarily side with the flight attendant's protest, it is just a movie after all, but I certainly see their point.

All controversies aside Flightplan is a disappointment for fans of Jodie Foster, many of whom felt Panic Room suffered from a similarly overwrought performance. There is a pattern of isolation forming in Jodie Foster's work, and I'm not just talking about settings-- panic rooms, airplanes and such. I mean isolation in the sense that she has cut herself off more and more from her co-stars, specifically her male co-stars. The men of Panic Room and now Flightplan are all bad guys or highly suspsicious and only she can protect that which she loves from these evil men.

I'm not pleading sexism against  Jodie Foster but she has played a large role in shaping her characters with a specific rule about love interests, specifically that there are none in her films. This lack of strong support from male or even female characters, aside from children who are more victim than character, is isolating Jodie Foster from the audience. If no one in the film likes her why should we?

Movie Review: Yes God Yes

Yes God Yes (2020) 

Directed by Karen Maine

Written by Karen Maine

Starring Natalia Dyer, Timothy Simons, Susan Blackwater, Alisha Boe 

Release Date July 24th, 2020

Published July 24th, 2020

Yes God Yes is the sweetest little masturbation themed comedy I’ve ever seen. This debut starring feature for Stranger Things ensemble player Natalie Dyer pokes gentle fun at the hypocrisy of those who try to tell others what to do with their own bodies. The target is specifically religious but the prudish in general could learn valuable lessons about not trying to force your opinions or morality onto others from this odd, unambitious little comedy. 

Yes God Yes stars Natalie Dyer as Alice, a teenager who is only beginning to learn about her body. Recently rumors have started that she had performed a euphemistically named sex act on one of her classmates and while she’s vexed over how the rumor spread so quickly when nothing actually happened, she’s more curious about what this sex act actually is and just generally curious about sex in general. 

The film is set somewhere in the late 90’s or early 2000’s. We know this from the soundtrack featuring soundalike Christina Aguilera tunes, Alice’s old school Nokia cellphone and her dial up internet which she uses to scroll through chat rooms. One day while Alice is playing an innocent game of word association in a chatroom, she’s invited to a private chat by a fellow player. The man proceeds to invite her to what we used to call cyber-sex and she’s up for it, until she’s nearly caught by her mom with her hand somewhere it shouldn’t be if your mom is around. 

Alice’s obsession with masturbation is consuming her every thought lately and with everyone speculating about her wild sex life via rumors, she’s grown only more curious. In an effort to put these impure thoughts out of her mind, she decides to attend a weekend school trip with her Catholic School. Alice hopes a weekend away from the internet and her school and the various temptations therein, she can reconnect with God and stop obsessing over touching herself. 

This goes bad almost immediately as Alice becomes an accidental witness to some of her fellow students, supposed leaders of this ‘Christian’ retreat, committing many sins. The hypocrisy of her fellow students, and even one of her pastors, is the last straw for Alice who sets out to finally accomplish her goal of… well… self-pleasure would be a safe way to put it, she wants to touch herself or someone else as soon as possible. 

That last paragraph might lead you to believe that Yes God Yes is explicit and R-Rated. That’s not necessarily the case. Yes, the film has explicit themes but the movie is much more clever than explicit. Writer-Director Karen Maine aims for sweetness and a lovely sort of authenticity tinged with a broad sense of humor. 

Movie Review: Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans (2009) 

Directed by Werner Herzog 

Written by William M. Finkelstein

Starring Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Jennifer Coolidge, Val Kilmer

Release Date November 20th, 2009

Published November 20th, 2009 

As detective Terrence McDonagh surveys the bloody scene before him, three dead gangsters, a terror shoots through his drug addled mind: "Shoot him again" he shouts. "Why?" says one of his thug cohorts. "Because, his soul's still dancing." The camera pans the scene passing over the dead body of some fat Italian gangster and pausing on what only McDonagh can see, that same gangster's lithe, balletic soul spinning wildly in a break-dance before one final gunshot drops the soul to the floor.

This scene is indicative of what you will get in Werner Herzog's blazingly unconventional re-imagining of Abel Ferrara's darkly comic drama Bad Lieutenant. If this scene intrigues you wait till you see what else Herzog has up his sleeve. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is a head trip, dark, an ultra-violent comedy that features yet another comeback performance by Nicolas Cage.

Terence McDonagh wasn't a great cop before he got hooked on drugs. As we meet him, Terence and his partner Stevie (Val Kilmer) are two of the last guys out of the precinct as the waters of Katrina are rising. Finding one last prisoner trapped in a cell, Terence and Stevie begin making wagers on how long it will take for the prisoner to drown. Eventually, Terence decides to rescue the guy but not without consequence.

The rescue injured Terence's back leaving him slumped on one side of his body and in constant pain. Terence deals with the pain through a steady stream of hardcore drugs. Cocaine keeps him going but also fuels his dark side. Post accident, Terence patrols the dark corners of a New Orleans that, post-Katrina, is a sort of Sodom before the rapture place. In a scene of ugly humor turning to near horror, Terence rousts a couple coming out of a nightclub and, well, I will leave you to discover what happens next.

In his private life Terence is in love with a high class prostitute named Frankie (Eva Mendes). She is also hooked on cocaine and the two fuel each others addiction by turning drugs into the fuel of their sex life.

The plot of Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans kicks in with the murder of a drug dealing family from Africa in one of the most violent neighborhoods in New Orleans. The cops quickly figure out that the biggest dealer in town is the most likely killer but catching him will take Terence to even stranger and more drugged out places.

Director Werner Herzog is not so much concerned with the twists and turns of a murder plot as he is with giving Nicolas Cage a stage on which to exhibit the talent we all knew was there from his Oscar winning turn in Leaving Las Vegas. Detective McDonagh is the other side of the coin from Ben in Leaving Las Vegas, if the other side of the coin were dirtier and with an even more pronounced death wish.

Yes, the usual Cage histrionics are on display. His hyper-kinetic babbling, his wild haired, wild eyed look, but, this time, it works because the character and the context given by William Finkelstein's excellent script and Werner Herzog's director are the perfect fuel for Cage's antics.

Wildly violent, darkly humorous and directed with freewheeling relish and great skill, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans pays tribute to the disturbing original film while giving the material his own black comic spin. The film also returns Nicolas Cage to Oscar winning form and that is just part of what makes Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans brilliant.

Movie Review: 2012

2012 (2009) 

Directed by Roland Emmerich 

Written by Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser 

Starring John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson

Release Date November 13th, 2009

Published November 12th, 2009 

2012 hysteria has gotten so out of hand that NASA was compelled to put out a press release stating that the Mayan Calendar does not predict the end of the world. Indeed, the planets will align in 2012 but they will as they have numerous times before without massive worldwide destruction. Could there be a better endorsement for the new goofball disaster flick 2012? This latest project from world destruction expert Roland Emmerich goes off the rails of reality from jumpstreet but knows it, accepts it, and even has a little fun being all earnest and serious about stuff blowin' up real good.

John Cusack leads an ensemble cast in 2012 as Jackson Curtis. A failed writer, Jackson drives a limousine for a living and that is how he arrives to take his two kids camping for the weekend. Jackson is estranged from his wife Kate (Amanda Peet) who has remarried to a plastic surgeon, Gordon (Thomas McCarthy).

Jackson is taking the kids camping at a rather odd moment. All over California giant cracks are forming. There are a number of mini-earthquakes and other ominous signs of doom that Jackson and family choose to ignore. Meanwhile, across the country a government geologist, Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) has discovered that the end of the world is nigh.

The sun is firing off flares that become neutrinos that are heating the earth's core and blah, blah, blah, let's just say science is merely a touchstone for 2012 and leave it at that. The necessary info is that the world will soon end. What luck that there is a solution in place. Giant ships called Arcs will whisk the wealthy, privileged and connected of the world to safety on the high seas while the average folks die horribly.

Thanks to a wacked out, Art Bell wannabe, well played by Woody Harrelson doing a fabulous Dennis Hopper impression, ....Jackson.... finds out about the Arcs and aims to get his kids, ex-wife and even his romantic rival to ..Asia.. where the Arcs are being loaded up.

Basic set up, establish the stakes, establish our everyman hero and then rain down the CGI destruction. You have to give this to Roland Emmerich, the idea is efficient. If only the actual film were so cut to the quick. 2012, despite many guilty pleasures, lingers for nearly three hours blowing up monuments and killing dignitaries.

If you enjoy carnage and human sacrafice then you may marvel at watching priests crushed by the Sistine Chapel. The Pope gets crushed by the ....Vatican.... and the President of the ....United States....? He gets an aircraft carrier named for John F. Kennedy dropped on him.

Roland Emmerich really enjoys these scenes to much. Really, it's rather unseemly, the pleasure that Emmerich seems to take in staging these CGI deaths. It's comparable to the joys that a director like Eli Roth takes in torturing his average Jane characters, minus the misogyny but with a healthy dose of blasphemy.

It is that unseemly quality, along with the film's exorbitant length, that makes me resist liking 2012. And I really kinda want to. The CGI destruction is well crafted and even kind of exciting, especially watching a commuter plane fly between falling buildings.

John Cusack and Chiwetel Ejiofor are shockingly effective in building human surrogates from the rubble of expository dialogue, running and screaming that are the main components of their characters. Amand Peet, Danny Glover and Thandie Newton round out a main cast right at home in a disaster movie ensemble. 

I kind of want to recommend 2012 because there is some real good camp and some terrific CGI. Unfortunately, the film overstays its welcome and becomes a little to blood lusty for my taste. The seemingly random fates of well known heads of state, and a few filler characters, leave a bad taste that I just cannot shake. 

2012 is a movie for the forgiving fan of big, dumb loud, world ending blockbusters only.

Movie Review: A Christmas Carol

A Christmas Carol (2009) 

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Written by Robert Zemeckis 

Starring Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Bob Hoskins, Robin Wright, Carey Elwes

Release Date November 6th, 2009 

Published November 5th, 2009

Words associated with Robert Zemeckis's endeavor into CGI, Motion Capture and Digital 3D: Groundbreaking, lifelike, extraordinary, creepy, scary, goofy, rubbery. Opinions have varied on the success of the now three films that Mr. Zemeckis has crafted with his unique technical skills and toys. The Polar Express was magical in story but creepy in rendering. Beowulf was masterful in many technical aspects and still skin-crawlingly awkward in others. Now comes A Christmas Carol and again opinions vary.

Charles Dickens' legendary tale of skinflint turned softy Ebenezer Scrooge is among the most famous holiday tales ever told. There are numerous adaptations featuring as varied a group of players as Kelsey Grammar, Bill Murray even the Muppets who have given life to Scrooge over the years since Dickens popularized the concept of karmic retribution for lack of being charitable. Disney turned him into a duck. Children, even today, can recite the basics of the story from memory.

On Christmas Day the miserly Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the ghost of his late business partner Jakob Marley. He is told that he will be visited by three ghosts. Indeed, haunted he is by the ghosts Christmas past, present and future. Each offers a lesson to Scrooge that if he does not change his miserly ways he will not be mourned by anyone, he will die penniless and alone. Reformed by this experience, Scrooge buys a giant Christmas goose for his longtime, terribly put upon assistant, Bob Cratchit and pays the medical bills of Bob's son Tiny Tim. Scrooge also, finally, attends the Christmas of his loving, kind nephew Fred. 

Dickens' tale is brilliant in its simplicity. But, why bring A Christmas Carol back again? According to Director Zemeckis it was one of his favorite stories of all time. All well and good but does his love justify yet another take on this oft told tale? No, frankly. Especially since Zemeckis brings no new insights to the story. Jim Carrey's Scrooge is faithful to a fault and leaves one to wonder: who hires Jim Carrey and binds him to a character so thoroughly that no wacky schtick can escape?

There is hardly a whisper of whimsy or moment of mugging mirth. Why bother hooking Carrey's well known face up to all that mo-cap technology when you have restrained him so tightly to such a dark, draconian character. Even in Scrooge's happy turn in the end Carrey remains restrained, allowing only for a smile and a brief jig. No actor wants to be shackled to a persona but Jim Carrey is JIM CARREY, his persona overwhelms the notion that he can simply be plugged into a character and have audiences simply accept a straightforward, non Carrey-like performance. 

A Christmas Tale lacks life or any form of whimsy whatsoever and that is not something that works for an animated film the animated spirit is greatly lacking. The one thing it seems that Robert Zemeckis has brought to A Christmas Carol is a dark vision of Dickens' dark words. Dickens' imagery has always been of the nightmare variety, this version of A Christmas Carol captures that vision with frightful faith. I would warn against taking children younger than 13 to this film.

That makes this version of A Christmas Carol more of an adult feature and that would seem to defeat the purpose of the adaptation and animation. This should be a story for kids but parents who take young kids will only come away with frightened youngsters. Sure, their is the happy ending to salve the wounds but many parents and kids will not make it that far.

Far too scary for young children and too well worn for adults, this version of A Christmas Carol seems at a loss to justify its existence. Why another take on this story? Was it just an exercise of the technology? A chance to be faithful to the dark images of Dickens that many adaptations had softened? I cannot tell you and I wonder if Mr. Zemeckis could either.

Movie Review: Cirque Du Freak The Vampire's Assistant

Cirque Du Freak The Vampire's Assistant (2009) 

Directed by Paul Weitz

Written by Paul Weitz, Brian Helgeland 

Starring John C. Reilly Chris Massoglia, Josh Hutcherson, Ken Watanabe, Ray Stevenson

Release Date October 23rd, 2009 

Published October 22nd, 2009

Vampires are hot in Hollywood thanks to Twilight. That massive hit film will spawn a sequel later this year. directed by Chris Weitz, of American Pie fame. Twilight also likely played a part in the film adaptation of another lit based Vampire tale. Ironically this too has been directed by someone named Weitz. Paul Weitz brings Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant to the big screen ahead of his brother Chris's New Moon. It's fair to assume Chris will have a great deal more success than Paul has had with this abysmal mishmash of kid flick and vamp flick.

Chris Massoglia takes the lead in Cirque Du Freak as Darren. A spider obsessed power nerd, Darren is modestly popular at school but not exactly king of the school. His status is dragged down a bit by his hot headed best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson) whose own obsession with vampires will soon land them both in hot water.

One afternoon as the boys are lamenting a lack of things to do in their small town they find a very intriguing flyer. It's an ad for something called Cirque Du Freak and it promises something well beyond either boy's previous experience. Taking in the show they witness a woman who can grow back her limbs, a man with two stomachs and finally a vampire magician named Crepsley (John C. Reilly).

When the Cirque is broken up early by an invading mob of angry townspeople Darren ends up stealing Crepsley's prized and dangerous spider. Steve meanwhile tries to become a vampire and is turned away by Crepsley. Soon, because of the spider and a deal with Crepsley it is Darren who ends up a vampire. Steve meanwhile turns to Crepsley's enemy for help.

There is a great deal more minutias in this plot but I just didn't care enough to detail it. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is an all out mess of plot strands, extranneous characters and a complete waste of time. The nature of the film is as the start of a franchise so going in you know their will be no resolution. What is surprising is how little you care whether the story resolves anything at all.

Paul Weitz is a talented writer and director with a strong wit and daring sensibility. His Amercan Idol parody American Dreamz was also a disaster but one you have to respect for taking big, daring risks. That film walked a tightrope and fell off but was brave in its failures.

There is nothing remotely brave or even daring about Cirque Du Freak. Piggybacking off the success of other vampire franchises and a successful book series, The Vampire's Assistant is just lame kiddie fare dressed up in halloween makeup and dumped onto the screen with a minimum of coherence.

It simply doesn't work. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant knocks off a few boring vampire cliches, keeps the blood and death to a very bare minimum and fails in every way to find something interesting or vaguely entertaining to do with it's sprawling premise and characters.

Movie Review Cold Souls

Cold Souls (2009) 

Directed by Sophie Barthes

Written by Sophie Barthes

Starring Paul Giamatti, Emily Watson, David Straithairn

Release Date August 7th, 2009

Published January 10th, 2010 

As I watched the angsty existential flick Cold Souls, a movie about an actor for whom the weight of his soul is so heavy he agrees to have it removed and placed in storage, I could not keep my pop culture soaked brain from flashing to the brilliant episode of The Simpsons in which Bart sold his soul to Millhouse for 5 dollars and then suffered an existential crisis.

In a mere 22 minutes The Simpsons manages to do what Cold Souls fails in more than 100 minutes, be funny about something as complex and intellectual as the existence of the soul. Cold Souls knows how to refer to the complexity of other works on the weight of the soul but not so clever of its own accord.

Paul Giamatti plays an alternative universe version of actor Paul Giamatti in Cold Souls. This version of Paul lives in New York is married to Claire (Emily Watson) and is currently acting in a production of Chekhov's Uncle Vanya (note the namecheck of Chekhov). The role of Uncle Vanya has become a heavy burden for Paul, so heavy that it has soaked into his real life.

Weighed down by Vanya, Paul finds possible solace in an article in The New Yorker about a service that can remove your soul. Though some might assume this was a bit of literary whimsy, we quickly find that indeed this business does exist, on Roosevelt Island of all places, and that it's in the phonebook.

Paul investigates and after a brief, rather bizarre conversation with Dr. Flintstein (David Straithairn) Paul is being inserted into a machine and his surprisingly chickpea sized soul is extracted for storage. Returning to his life he finds he stinks as an actor with no soul likely would (hello Freddie Prinze Jr.) and is soon begging for his soul back.

What happens next I leave you to discover. Or not, I am not recommending Cold Souls. Where most critics have loved Cold Souls, 80% positive on Rottentomatoes.com, I was not blown away by the films Meta humor or simpleminded name checking of people and places associated with soul crushing pain.

Cold Souls is intellectualism for the poser intellect. If you are aware that Russia in winter is often associated with soul crushing oppression or that Chekhov is weighted with existential angst then you are just the right audience to find the posing of Cold Souls deep.

Not to critique my fellow critics but Cold Souls is just the kind of imitation of clever that we like to praise beyond it's worth. Cold Souls allows critics to show off that Philosophy Minor from college that we all wished was our major while keeping things on a level simple enough for those of a more average intelligence. It's the height of pretension without all of the hoity toity-ness of actually having to think.

The Simpsons episode was straightforward about being simple satire, the reference to Neruda being a brilliant shout out and not a statement of genius from the writers. Cold Souls wants to be considered brilliant by association. That feeling extends right down to the casting of Paul Giamatti who lends his preternaturally tortured mug along with his name to the proceedings. 

Giamatti brings credible angst and intellect to Cold Souls but he is trapped in writer-director Sophie Barthes attempt at high minded populism, a sort of pop philosophy, easy to follow for those who didn't spend there time with the works of Emmanuel Kant or Thomas Hillman. Anyone with a minor in pop culture can follow Cold Souls and while that accessibility isn't necessarily a bad thing it is highly pretentious and more than a little irritating. 

Cold Souls pretends toward existentialism while keeping things simple enough for the rabble to follow. Better works ask the audience to come up to their level. When The Simpsons referenced Pablo Neruda millions of Americans ran to their computers to check it out. Cold Souls sticks with the relatively well known marks of the weighted soul and fails to offer little more than the reference. 

Movie Review: Footloose

Footloose (2011) 

Directed by Craig Brewer

Written by Craig Brewer, Dean Pitchford

Starring Kenny Wormald, Julianne Hough, Miles Teller, Dennis Quaid

Release Date October 14th, 2011

Published October 14th, 2011

Critics can tend to overthink a movie. In the case of "Footloose," that is a deadly pursuit. "Footloose" does not invite inspection. This candy coated musical is all about putting on a show with pluck and good humor and not about the mechanics of great filmmaking. The only intention behind Footloose is to make a quick buck off of nostalgia and if it happens to not completely stink out loud, that's an unintended bit of good luck. 

Ren McCormick (Kenny Wormald) has moved to Bomont, Tennessee from Boston following the death of his mother. Moving in with his Aunt Lulu (Kim Dickens) and Uncle Wes (Ray McKinnon), Ren finds himself not merely in a new home but seemingly a new planet. Bomont, Tennessee could not be any different from Boston. Foremost among the differences is a ban on public dancing put in place by a local crusading Preacher, Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid).

The preacher's daughter, Ariel (Julianne Hough) immediately catches Ren's eye, setting up a pair of showdown's for Ren and the preacher as he intends to fight the dance ban and date Shaw Moore's daughter. Credit Dennis Quaid for bringing a seriousness and even gravity to "Footloose" that the movie needs in order to keep from tipping completely into parody. Quaid is so good opposite Hough and Wormald that he makes the novice actors better.

Of course, "Footloose" is not about acting or drama, it's about nostalgia, dancing and a good soundtrack. The soundtrack of "Footloose" is a rather bizarre stew of country, hip hop, and covers of tunes from the original movie. Blake Shelton's cover of Kenny Loggins legendary title track is as rousing and cheesy as the original while Deniece Williams' original "Let's Hear for the Boy" makes a welcome comic appearance in the same context it did in the original "Footloose," as Ren teaches his new pal Willard (Miles Teller) how to dance.

Other call backs to the original movie include a reprise of Quiet Riot's "Metal Health" and a cover of Ann Wilson and Mike Reno's cheeseball ballad "Almost Paradise." These nostalgic touches make clear that director Craig Brewer has as much respect for the original "Footloose" as long time fans do. Brewer even manages to keep Ren's angry dance solo dance in the empty factory. No Kenny Loggins in this version, a rather forgettable hip hop song is in its place, but the heavy cheese dramatics are still there in great, unintentional comic effect.

That's another interesting thing about "Footloose;" the film can be enjoyed on an earnest level or an ironic one. If you are inclined to pick away at the movie you can, and you can have fun doing it, the movie has a certain awareness of its place in the movie world but not so much that it ruins a proper ironic appreciation of it. Bottom line, "Footloose" is just plain fun; a terrifically cheesy pop culture dessert all sugar and calories and nothing remotely good for you. But it tastes so good.

Movie Review: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

Diary of a Wimpy Kid The Long Haul (2017) 

Directed by David Bowers

Written by Jeff Kinney, David Bowers

Starring Jason Drucker, Alicia Silverstone, Tom Everett Scott, Charlie Wright

Release Date May 19th, 2017

Published May 20th, 2017

What did the world do to deserve a reboot of the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” franchise? What was it about the mediocre previous entries in this franchise that inspired producers, a screenwriter and a director to believe this was something they should dedicate time and effort to? Well, time anyway, effort, as you will find from reading this review, is a questionable aspect of the making of “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul.”

We are once again brought into the world of Greg Heffley (Jason Drucker) an imaginative kid who continues to find himself in humiliating situations. Greg’s latest humiliation has gone viral after a trip to a family restaurant leads to Greg chasing his little brother Manny (played by twin kids Wyatt and Dylan Waters) into a ballpit where Greg ends up getting his hand stuck in a used diaper and leads to him being referred to in internet memes as ‘Diaper Hands.’

That opening alone could tell you how charmless “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” is but the film somehow manages to find one new low after another. Greg’s family is taking a road trip to Mee-Maw’s house and along the way Greg wants to trick his parents, slumming former stars Tom Everett Scott and Alicia Silverstone, into taking him to videogame convention while Greg’s brother Rowley (Charlie Wright) acts dumb and adds little to nothing to the story.

The road trip is a mere set up for some of the most disgusting gross out jokes this side of a horror film. Poop, puke and body horror are employed throughout “The Long Haul” to the point where I nearly walked out, something I haven’t done since Samuel L. Jackson graphically fed laxatives to bad guys for an explosive diarrhea gag in the forgotten action movie “Formula 53.” This film is nearly as offensive as that R-Rated movie despite somehow carrying a PG Rating.

“Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” also features a subplot about another family on a road trip who keep crossing paths with Greg. Jokes about Greg accidentally sleeping in the family’s bed, in his underwear, in a strange man’s bed, is just one of a series of highly questionable gags. The father of this competing family, referred to for some reason as Beardo and played by Chris Coppola is portrayed as wanting to murder Greg throughout the film. The character lapses in and out of a murderous rage each time he see’s Greg and again and again director David Bowers seems to find this notion hilarious.

In one epically bizarre homage Greg somehow winds up in Beardo’s shower and the scene devolves into a remake of the shower scene in “Psycho.” In what universe is a “Psycho” homage a good idea for a family road trip comedy? What kid in the audience is getting that reference? What parent in the audience feels that this homage is remotely appropriate for a family comedy? WHO THINKS THIS IS OK????

Please do not tell me that I am overreacting or that it’s “Just a kid’s movie.” If anything, we should hold children’s entertainment to a higher standard of quality than we do entertainment aimed at older audiences. Children’s tastes are just not evolving and growing. Exposing a child to entertainment that is beneath contempt as “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” truly is, is irresponsible. This is a film so execrable that it could do permanent damage to a child’s taste; this is the kind of kid’s movie that creates Adam Sandler fans.

I am not being hyperbolic when I say that “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” is the worst movie of 2017. Gross, unfunny, and genuinely unpleasant to sit through, I am truly shocked that major movie studios still allow such movies to reach mass audiences. This is a dispiriting experience. If ever you need proof that Hollywood does not care about what it puts into the world “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” is that proof.

Movie Review: All About Steve

All About Steve (2009) 

Directed by Phil Traill

Written by Kim Barker

Starring Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church, Ken Jeong

Release Date September 4th, 2009

Published September 4th, 2009

You don't watch a movie like All About Steve as much as witness it. Like a crime in progress or a car accident, you were there, you were slightly traumatized and later, in a daze of disbelief, you recounted your experience to authorities. All About Steve is such a remarkably bad movie that it may actually be an insult to a car wreck to make the comparison.

All About Steve began life as a drama about a mentally challenged woman whose syndrome involves an obsession with crossword puzzles. Through a pity blind date she meets a man who was unaware that he was going out with a handicapped person. After being accosted by her, he tries to reject her in a way that spares her feelings. Instead, he stokes her fire and she begins a cross country trek to show her love for him.

It was to be a dramatic journey of self discovery for this spunky mentally challenged gal and a role that would deliver to whomever played it; a chance to show real dramatic range. Somewhere along the line things were derailed in a fashion that even Amtrak could not imagine.

OK, I was lying about the film's origin as a drama. As far as I know, All About Steve is everything its creators intended it to be. It is a broad, boneheaded, nonsensical romantic comedy about one crazy person chasing a sad wretch across state lines aided by people of similar diminished mental capacities. What anyone saw in this remarkably misguided screenplay is truly baffling. 

Sandra Bullock stars as Mary. She somehow subsists as a crossword puzzle creator. We are told that this is her only job and that she only publishes in one paper, once a week. If there is a newspaper in this country paying a crossword puzzle maker a living wage for one days work then I think we know why the papers are going out of business.

Mary has no social life. So, her meddling parents set her up on a blind date. This poor, doomed soul is Steve played by Bradley Cooper. Subjected to 10 minutes with Mary, in which she says about a million words and attempts to have sex with him, before they have even pulled away from the curb of her parents' home.

Steve blows her off nicely but saying he has to work and 'wishes she could come' he unwittingly sets himself on a path to disaster. Soon, Mary is fired from her job for somehow publishing an all Steve crossword (How did it get in the paper? All she did was drop it off? Did they fire all the editors but keep the type setter and and the wacko crossword chick? Logical questions are not welcome here.), Mary hits the road to follow Steve to work.

Work for Steve is as a cameraman for a fictional cable news outlet. His reporter pal, Thomas Haden Church, thinks Mary the stalker is a funny prank and encourages her by repeatedly telling her where the crew is headed next. Mary follows to a protest involving a baby with three legs, a hurricane/tornado and finally to a sinkhole that somehow swallowed several deaf children.

The three legged baby, if you don't get the joke already, is one of a number of juvenile jokes in this blisteringly stupid movie. A baby with three legs is the subject of protesters who want to the leg cut off and those who don't who then get to chant 'save the third leg'. If you need the joke explained maybe you are the audience for this movie.

Wildly moronic, utterly inept and a just plain disaster, All About Steve is not merely one of the worst films of 2009, it's a candidate for worst of the last decade. Poor Bradley Cooper seems absolutely lost in the morass of this idiocy. Sandra Bullock on the other hand indulges every last moronic twist.

I could almost recommend this bizarrely horrendous movie just for the explanation that Bullock as Mary gives for her blindingly red boots. It's a brief bit of dialogue but it is so astoundingly doltish that you can't help but indulge a condescending, ear splitting, gut laugh, not quite what the movie intended for this moment.

If I see a movie as bad as All About Steve again this year, I may have to quit the critic biz. There is a limit to the mindblowingly awful that one person can endure. I think I am safe. All About Steve sets such a high bar of badness it would be remarkable if anything could approach it.

Movie Review: District 9

District 9 (2009) 

Directed by Neil Blomkamp

Written by Neil Blomkamp

Starring Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, David James 

Release Date August 14th, 2009 

Published August 14th, 2009 

On the surface Districyt 9 looks like it could be a reolutionary work of science fiction filmmaking. It's stylish with some extraordinary CGI. That's the surface. What is revealed upon actually seeing the movie is a relatively familiar chase movie that brushes over social commentary in favor of an garden variety action plot.

District 9 stars South African film and television star Sharlito Copley as Wikus Van De Merwe. Wikus is a flunky for a corporate military outfit who, because he is the boss's son in law, is placed in charge of a massive operation. It will be Wikus's job to oversee the eviction and safe transport of refugees from a camp known as District 9.

Oh, I failed to mention, the residents of district 9 happen to be aliens stranded on earth by busted space ship. More than 20 years these aliens, given the un-PC nickname prawns, came to earth and their ship settled over Johannesburg. A humanatarian effort found the aliens huddled on the ship dying of starvation and brought them down to the surface where they were given shelter and food.

All these years later district 9 is a ghetto filled with crime, violence and poverty. The aliens are treated badly by humans, hated by most, exploited by some including a group of Nigerians who first discovered the aliens addiction to cat food. Also taking advantage of the aliens is MNU, the company which employs our hero Wikus. Part of his job isn't merely moving the aliens it's discovering their weapons so that the company can figure out how to use and exploit them.

In the course of his job; Wikus is exposed to an alien virus and begins developing alien skin, eventually even a lobster like claw just like the prawns. Taken into custody by his employers, Wikus soon finds himself the subject of the same scientific exploitation as the aliens he has treated so badly. When he escapes there is only one place to go and there the movie kicks into an action mode that is where it  is most comfortable.

Don't be fooled into thinking District 9 is anything more than sci fi action of the highest calibur. There are those who take the easy shots this movie fires off as insight and social commentary but the fact is the very broad strokes are merely a backdrop for the film's real purpose, kick ass action movie chase scenes and fights.

Director Neil Blomkamp, who co-wrote the script for District 9 with Terry Tatchell, alludes to and obfuscates deeper points about racism and corporate greed but those really aren't what he is interested in. The potshots at a company vaguely like the real life KBR (formerly Halliburton) are easy and cheap. The racial stuff is a little offensive, drawing as they do comparisons between ugly, disgusting, savage aliens and real life mistreated humans.

That said, the action of District 9 is top notch. I particularly enjoyed allusions to The Defiant Ones as Wikus and an alien co-hort run from well armed commandos. Is it a little cheesy when Wikus tells the alien to go on without him ('Go, I'll hold'em off')? Sure, but the scene is such a well done homage and parody of similar, humans only, chase scenes, I willingly forgave the cliche.

When Wikus jumps inside a giant alien version of the War Monger vehicle from Iron Man, the action amps up another degree and District 9 becomes one kick ass action flick.

If you go into District 9 looking for something more than fantastic effects and butt kicking action you may be disappointed. District 9 is just posing as social commentary. Having a brain is just a pre-tense, a way to give the appearance of depth to something that is really just a visceral, epic, chase movie.

Taken just for what it is, District 9 is one of the best action movies of the year. If that is not enough for you I suggest you skip it.

Movie Review: 'Bella'

Bella (2007) 

Directed by Alejandro Gomez Monteverde

Written by Alejandro Gomez Monteverde

Starring Eduardo Verastegui, Tammy Blanchard 

Release Date October 26th, 2007

Published October 26th, 2007

The right wing politicos have been salivating over Bella. This tiny drama about a woman considering an abortion and the conversation she has about her decision with a troubled co-worker has been passed around by the church crowd and is being pushed as the rare, outspoken pro-life movie to come out of Hollywood.

Whether that was the intention of writer-director Alejandro Monteverde is debatable. Watching Bella and comparing it with the hype surrounding it; you get an odd picture of just what this movie is. Away from the hype, Bella is a thoughtful conversation about life between two interesting and engaging people. With the hype you can divine a message if you want one but the film is far from strident about it's political edge.

Eduardo Verastegui stars in Bella as Jose, a former soccer star whose life was changed in one fateful moment. Today he works for his brother Manny (Manny Perez) as a chef at a popular restaurant. Well, he did work there, but today he lost his job. Jose walked out on Manny after the boss fired Nina (Tammy Blanchard) for once again showing up late.

Nina had a good reason however, she just found out she was pregnant. Sensing the injustice of her firing and her obvious need for comfort, Jose walked off the job to tend to her. This begins a long conversation that takes them across New York City and to the outskirts of Manhattan for dinner with Jose's family, minus Manny who is dealing with his brother's absence.

Nina has made up her mind, she is getting an abortion. Losing her job was the clincher. She already felt that she was in no position to raise a child. Now, facing the idea of having to apply for jobs while waiting to give birth is just something she cannot imagine. For his part, Jose is supportive but questioning. Though he doesn't reveal any specific belief about the morality of abortion, he wants to know if Nina is certain of her decision and fully aware of the consequences and dangers.

There is a distinct lack of stridency in director Alejandro Monteverde's approach to abortion. The film is no polemic though if one chooses to, they could divine that the filmmakers are indeed pro-life. That belief is not openly expressed because I'm not sure that is what the film is really about. Rather, Bella is about these two characters and their specific situation.

The decisions made by Jose and Nina are their decisions and not ones that feel mandated by an agenda. In that account I didn't mind Bella so much. I like these two characters,I found both to be gentle, thoughtful and sweet. Their conversation is thoughtful and revealing without a hint of agenda or talking points. If the film meanders a bit, it's only because there isn't much more to it than a single conversation.

The thing about Bella and it's pro life message is that it is not all that unique. The message is certainly not nearly as unique in a Hollywood movie as the right wing agenda types would have you believe. Think about the last time you saw abortion portrayed in a mainstream movie. The one instance that jumps to mind is Fast Times At Ridgemont High a comedy that was somewhat breezy about the issue and likely one of the reasons the right wing see's pro-choice conspiracy inside every film canister.

Think really hard though about Hollywood's true attitude toward abortion. Three of this years most talked about films Knocked Up, Waitress and Juno flirted with idea of abortion but were immediately dismissive. Granted each film needed those babies for plot purposes but check the attitudes. The characters in Knocked Up can't even bring themselves to say the word abortion, inserting the nonsense phrase ‘smashmortion’ as a dodge.

Keri Russell's Waitress barely takes a moment to ponder the idea before she dismisses the idea. Even the idea of selling the baby on the black market was discussed as a more appealing idea. I've not seen but trailers for Juno and I know that abortion is not part of that films teen pregnancy scenario. Juno centers around a knocked up teen who decides to give up her baby to a couple she finds in the newspaper.

So where, I ask, is the left wing, pro-choice agenda? I do not argue that Hollywood is not inherently liberal. The industry has churned out a number of anti-war films this year that attest to a left wing perspective. That perspective however, is nowhere to be found when it comes to abortion.

Again, I feel it necessary to point out that Bella is not really as much of an agenda film as the right wing would have you believe. Rather, Bella is a thoughtful discussion of life, and the choices available, between two kind, intelligent and engaging characters. It's unfortunate that outside agendas have become attached to this film. The idea that Bella is an anti-abortion movie has become attached unfairly. Bella isn’t anti-abortion, it’s pro-friendship and conversation and the choices made by individuals that aren’t driven by the politics of the day. 

Movie Review: Waltz with Bashir

Waltz with Bashir (2008) 

Directed by Ari Folman 

Written by Ari Folman

Starring Ari Folman 

Release Date June 5th, 2008

Published March 19th, 2009

Isn't it wonderful to know that with all of the sameness at the movies these days there are still filmmakers out there experimenting with the form and telling personal stories while doing it. Certainly, I appreciate a movie like I Love You Man for giving me characters that I like and a seemingly endless supply of laughs. The virtues of that film are not forgotten or discounted.

My point is this, it's just nice to know that not every movie adheres to formula and not every filmmaker simply reiterates and underlines what has come before him. In the world there are filmmakers like Ari Folman who push aside the typical and the expected and deliver something wholly unique. But, Folman doesn't stop. After deciding and executing his unique form, he also takes care to deliver a deeply personal and effecting story.

Waltz With Bashir recounts, in a pseudo-documentary form, Folman's experience during the 1981 was between Israel and Lebanon. I say pseudo-documentary because rather than simply sitting down his old war buddies in front of a camera and interviewing them about their experiences and interspersing in between interviews some found footage from soldiers or news broadcasts, Folman animates the whole thing in the dreamike fashion reminiscent of Richard Linklater's seminal effort Waking Life.

The film begins with the recounting of a dream. Folman is in a bar with a friend, Boaz, who recounts his nightly nightmare. He is in his apartment and outside his window 26 angry dogs charge through the streets in search of him. Why 26? Because during the invasion of Beirut it was Boaz's duty to shoot dogs before they could wake and alert their owners of the impending arrival of Israeli soldiers. Boaz remembers the looks on the dogs faces and the exact number of dogs he killed.

Boaz is curious if his filmmaker friend can help him somehow get past this memory. Boaz's memory ignites Folman's long dormant memories and one prominent thought about floating off the coast of some Lebanese city. He and two other soldiers are swimming in the nude and looking up at the high rise hotels as bright flares suddenly light the sky and they slowly emerge from the water, dress and take to the streets.

Folman wants to remember more of what happens and the journey takes him and several old friends on a unique and stirring journey into the past and into the nature of war and death.

Waltz With Bashir is one of the most striking and memorable filmgoing experiences I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Such a remarkable piece of work that afterward I just sort of sat and pondered it for awhile. I will carry this movie with me for a very long time. The final images transcend from animation to real life and the effect is heart rending and sad and strangely cathartic as if Folman were fully recovering his memory and we with him now can carry these real images in full flower.

Had I seen Waltz With Bashir last year it would have contested Rachel Getting Married for the best movie of 2008. A stunning work of heart and genius like few films I have ever seen, Waltz With Bashir is playing at the Nova 6 in Moline for at least a week and you must, MUST see it.

Movie Review: New York Ninja

New York Ninja (1985) (2021) 

Directed by John Liu, Kurtis Spieler 

Written by John Liu, Kurtis Spieler

Starring John Liu, Don The Dragon Wilson, Cynthia Rothrock, Linnea Quigley, Michael Berryman

Release Date October 21st, 2021

Published August 22nd, 2022

The movie New York Ninja was lost to time. In 1984 director and actor John Liu gathered a cast and a crew and made an entire movie. Then, he never finished the movie. 37 years later the video distribution company Vinegar Syndrome, a boutique movie distribution company which specializes in movies few other studios wanted, outlandish and bizarre movies from foreign countries and the like, discovered that they had an unedited camera negative of the movie. 

This means that they had enough of the actual completed footage to edit into a complete movie. What they did not have, unfortunately, was the soundtrack including the recorded dialogue for all of the characters. That was unfortunate but the end of the road for this project as Vinegar Syndrome’s Curtis Spieler cut the movie together, wrote a script to match the action and tone of the film and then hired actors to provide voices, including some true B-movie legends, and New York Ninja was reborn. 

New York Ninja was the brainchild of actor-director-martial artist, John Liu. It’s rather unknown why Liu abandoned the project and how it ended being transferred around from owner to owner before ending up at Vinegar Syndrome. Regardless of the circumstances, New York Ninja is quite a revelation. That’s not to say it is a good movie, it most certainly is not, but it is a classically 80s style bit of nonsense that would have been right at home in the canon of Cannon Films or under the banner of the legendary schlockmeister Roger Corman. 

The story finds our lead character, played by John Liu, greeting his newly pregnant girlfriend. The girlfriend may as well have deadmeat tattooed on her forehead as they share a confusing interaction that ends after she ominously talks of her excitement about becoming a mother. In this conception of New York City street gangs roam the streets as of cosplaying The Warriors but with Halloween masks. They rob just about everyone and those who witness the robberies, assaults and rapes, simply turn the other cheek and go on with their business. 

Liu’s pregnant galpal happens to witness another woman being assaulted and because she didn’t just go on her merry way like nothing was happening, one of the thugs breaks away from the assault to murder her in broad daylight, on street teeming with cars, shooting her multiple times as she fumbles down some subway stairs. It’s a brilliantly unsubtle bit of off-kilter violence. You know this death is coming, everything about this screams motivation for a man to become a vengeance seeking Ninja. 

But first, John Liu has to show his range as he grieves his loss in the strangest way imaginable.  In a scene that I imagine would have resonated with a young Tommy Wiseau, Liu is alone on a rooftop of an apartment building where he had laid out a picnic for he and his lady love. He is desperately sad and after sending his news reporter coworker away, he proceeds to destroy the picnic table including a photo of himself and the girlfriend which he shatters. He then picks up the pieces of glass and crushes them into his hands leaving him cut and bleeding. 

When did he set up the picnic? Did he find out she was dead while on the rooftop? Did he set up an elaborate picnic on a bare rooftop after he knew she was already dead? None of these questions are answered and, even if they were answered, I can’t imagine the answers making any sense. All I do know is that this scene is awesomely funny. It’s a glorious piece of unintentional comedy, both poignant and hysterical, poignant for being so pathetic. 

In case you need it laid out any more blatantly, the death of his girlfriend is the impetus for Liu to become the New York Ninja, a martial arts vigilante. Or it will be his motivation, eventually. Before we actually see the New York Ninja in action we have to see him grieve in different locations and eventually show off some of his fighting skills out of costume when some thugs try to steal a thing he appears to be praying to? Not sure what it was but it was gold and he didn’t want to give it up. 

It actually takes forever for Liu to swear revenge. Before that, he becomes the Ninja and sets about saving random New Yorkers from random attacks by one of the City’s many roving bands of rapists and thieves. It’s actually an unintentionally hilarious send up of the perception of New York City in the 1980s. If you weren’t living in New York in 1984 you might have assumed it was overrun by gangs of rapists and thieves based on news coverage and comedy acts. Homer Simpson would appreciate the New York Ninja version of New York City as if it were a documentary. 

All the while the New York Ninja is finding himself as a crime fighter he’s missing the major criminal enterprise that was responsible for murdering his girlfriend. Considering that this gang is kidnapping attractive women, in broad daylight, and committing various murders, you might assume that Liu would target this group but that doesn’t happen until the final act when Liu finally gets around to trying to rescue nearly 20 or so beautiful women who were kidnapped in broad daylight and have been reported on repeatedly on the television network that Liu himself works for as a sound guy for the same reporter who is covering that story. 

Much of this odd, disconnected story was intentional, for comic effect. The intention of co-director, screenwriter and editor Kurtis Spieler who took John Liu's bizarre movie and pushed it to new Z-movie heights. With the help of distributor Vinegar Syndrome, Spieler created a new script, had that script performed by well known martial arts movie stars, and mixed the new comic dialogue over the unfinished work of original filmmaker John Liu. Famed figures such as scream Queen Linnea Quigley, beloved character actor Michael Berryman, and martial arts legends Cynthia Rothrock and Don The Dragon Wilson have leant their voices to the new track of New York Ninja. 

Now, I love the idea behind what Kuris Spieler has created here and some of the movie is quite fun. However, I can't help but feel a pang of disappointment. It's not a bad thing that we're all in on the joke of New York Ninja but it does take away some of the magic of it all. Take for instance, a movie like Miami Connection. The magic and appeal of Miami Connection is that no one involved is aware of the joke we in the audience are sharing. We are all laughing at the genuine effort of the filmmakers and the poignant, earnest failure is a delicious irony. 

You simply cannot manufacture that kind of ironic appreciation. There is only so much of that in New York Ninja and it comes from what little of John Liu's work remains. His deeply misguided plotting and lack of awareness of how a story should flow. In fairness, the dialogue created by Spieler is earnestly delivered and fitting for the strange anti-narrative of Liu's movie but knowing that this dialogue was crafted for the movie takes some of the thrill of New York Ninja away. 

Maybe it's just me, I felt the same way about the manufactured badness of Sharknado and never enjoyed any aspect of that brief cultural phenomenon. Perhaps, if you did like Sharknado and you don't mind having your so bad its good created with specific intent, then you might enjoy New York Ninja. For me, I will be over here enjoying Miami Connection, Fatal Deviation, and The Room. 

Movie Review: Big Eyes

Big Eyes (2014) 

Directed by Tim Burton 

Written by Scott Alexander, Larry Karaszewski

Starring Amy Adams, Christoph Waltz, Danny Huston, Krysten Ritter

Release Date December 25th, 2014

Published December 25th, 2014

Few people have a face as punch-able as Christoph Waltz. The supercilious grin he affects in "Inglourious Basterds" and brings back for his villainous role in Tim Burton's "Big Eyes" desperately invites one to pop him. Of course, it's not just his face that makes you want to poke him one, it's that arrogant manner, that superior tone and hardcore obnoxiousness. But, for a moment, just watch that jaw as he slips toward that grin and tell me you don't know exactly where you want your fist to land. 

That's the power of Waltz, a man remarkably capable of making you loathe him, a capability that is both a blessing and a curse to the new movie "Big Eyes." On the one hand, Waltz is playing a real-life character quite worthy of a sock on the jaw. Art phony Walter Keane ho attempted to steal credit for his wife's remarkably popular art. On the other hand, Waltz's Keane is so loathsome I could barely stay in the theater to watch.

"Big Eyes" tells a story of fraud and how a meek woman through inner strength, and an assist from Jehovah, overcame her domineering fraud of a husband to claim her life's work. Amy Adams portrays Margaret Keane as an impulsive woman who flees her first husband for unspecified reasons and heads for San Francisco with her daughter in tow and no plan whatsoever for how to provide for them.

In very short order Margaret meets and marries Walter Keane (Waltz) who dazzles her with stories of living in Paris and supporting himself as an artist/real estate agent. At first, Walter is supportive and the two work together. However, when Margaret's unique paintings of saucer-eyed children gain attention over Walter's street scene of Paris, he decides he should pretend the “Big Eyes” are his work ... for promotional purposes only, of course.

That Walter Keane was a fraud is relatively well known, because he was an especially successful fraud. "Big Eyes" demonstrates how Margaret enabled the fraud and why it persisted for so long.

Adams is wonderful at portraying multitudes of emotion on her splendid features, especially with her narrow blue eyes, which ache and delight with equal fervor. With her voice barely a quiver, Adams brings Margaret's strength forward in brief dissertations about how personal her art is, and we know eventually that strength will transition into action.

After years of letting Walter co-opt her work and bastardize it into a pop phenomenon, Margaret left Walter and moved with her daughter to Hawaii. There she became a Jehovah's Witness and decided it was time to tell the truth about her paintings.

Here director Tim Burton directs a delightful scene in which Margaret reveals the truth to a random Hawaiian radio DJ who thought he was simply interviewing the wife of Walter Keane.

"Big Eyes" is certainly not without its delightful moments -- not just in its depiction of the radio show, but its scenes of the aftermath of people seeing Margaret's story on the AP wire. Then it appears in newspapers finally reaches Walter in San Francisco, where his indignant reaction to the story is completely hysterical. Also delightful is the courtroom follow-up as Margaret sues Walter for the proceeds of the “Big Eyes” paintings. Waltz acts out both sides of a cross-examination of himself about his creative process.

In the courtroom scene, Waltz becomes his most unctuously punch-able. If you didn't truly despise Walter prior to this scene, you will truly wish him ill by the end of his courtroom shenanigans. I have no idea how much of Walter Keane's work in court as his own idiot lawyer is actually based on the real-life case, but if it was anything like in the movie, he's lucky he wasn't strung up in the town square. 

While I was delighted by the courtroom scene and Waltz has moments of glorious, comic oiliness, there are times when the drama becomes too much. The scene in which Walter first seizes credit for the paintings is infuriating to watch, as are all scenes in the film featuring Waltz opposite Danny Huston. He portrays the film's narrator, a gossip columnist for a San Francisco newspaper. Huston has an unctuousness to match Waltz's, and the two of them together is more insufferable than entertaining. 

I can't say Tim Burton needed to cut back on Walter. That's relatively impossible given the true story. But some kind of modulation on the tone of his performance is, I believe, a reasonable request. The performance is at times so detestable that I wanted to leave the theater. 

So, do I recommend "Big Eyes?" That's a good question. I really don't know. I appreciate the effort the film puts forth to tell this worthy, true-life story, but some of the film is nearly impossible to sit through. Waltz is incredibly effective, almost too effective, at making us despise him. Still, I can't help but credit the film for provoking such a visceral reaction in a viewer. 

I really hate Walter Keane as he's portrayed in "Big Eyes." In that way I can't help but recommend the movie, with the caveat that this film will turn off as many people as it entertains. Adams is wonderful and the film is the best thing with Tim Burton's name on it in quite some time.

I still want to punch Christoph Waltz. 

Movie Review: Unbroken

Unbroken (2014) 

Directed by Angelina Jolie 

Written by Joel Coen, Ethan Coen, Richard LaGravenese, William Nicholson

Starring Jack O'Connell, Domhnall Gleeson, Miyavi, Garrett Hedlund, Finn Whitrock

Release Date December 25th, 2014

Published December 24th, 2014 

Angelina Jolie's "Unbroken" is an incredibly powerful experience. The story of real life war hero Louis Zamperini is a confidently directed film that evokes the best of Clint Eastwood, Jolie's director on "Changeling," while also showing Jolie as a sensitive, inquisitive and assured artist. Far more accomplished and commercial than her directorial debut "In the Land of Blood and Honey," "Unbroken" is the announcement of Angelina Jolie as a director of exceptional talent.

"Unbroken," based on a book by Laura Hillenbrand, tells the story of Zamperini, the son of Italian immigrant parents. He became an Olympic athlete and then a war hero, fighting in World War II in the Pacific. Zamperini, played by English actor Jack O'Connell, was just a teenager when he traveled to Germany to compete in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. He was barely into his 20s when he was sent to the Pacific Theater and wound up spending 45 days on a raft after the crash of his B1 bomber.

For most, a plane crash and surviving for 45 days in a raft with two other soldiers would be enough for a lifetime. But Zamperini's story has barely begun. Zamperini and fellow crash survivor Russell Allen "Phil" Phillips were saved from their predicament. Unfortunately, their rescue was a Japanese war ship off the coast of Marshall Island, a Japanese stronghold in 1943. Zamperini would spend the next two years, until the very end of World War II, in Japanese prisoner-of-war camps. On top of that, his status as an American Olympic athlete earned him the ire of the sadistic Japanese camp commander Matsushiro Watanaba, nicknamed “The Bird.”

The Bird repeatedly tortured Zamperini, forcing him to race camp guards, despite his obviously emaciated condition. When Zamperini loses the race, The Bird strikes him with a bamboo cane, a sadistic device that The Bird employs almost exclusively in relation to Zamperini. A bizarre relationship develops between the two, one that Zamperini doesn't want but indulges to avoid further torture. The Bird chooses to confide in Zamperini as if they are somehow bonded. This strange bond is what pays off the film's final, triumphant moments, when The Bird gives Zamperini an almost-impossible task and Zamperini uses what strength and will he has left to stick it to The Bird.

That Zamperini survived the war is remarkable given the extraordinary obstacles he faced. Director Jolie dramatizes these obstacles in visceral, frightening fashion. The crisp, beautiful cinematography of Roger Deakins, likely on his way to a 12th Oscar nomination, gives "Unbroken" a classic Hollywood look without taking away any of the gut-wrenching power of the story. The film proceeds fearlessly from one set piece to the next, creating both a entertaining and moving portrait of an American hero without becoming simpleminded hagiography.

Much credit belongs to star Jack O'Connell, who delivers a natural, human performance. O'Connell captures the complex dimensions of Zamperini, who began the war as a devout agnostic and slowly came to give his life completely to God. Stories abound about Zamperini who, after the war, preached the word of God and traveled back to Japan to meet with the guards who tortured him for two solid years. Zamperini returned to forgive them for what they did and to tell them about the word of Jesus Christ. Zamperini allegedly even converted a couple of his former tormentors (but The Bird refused to see Zamperini).

Jolie beautifully captures the life and defining faith of Zamperini in "Unbroken." It's easy to be cynical about how someone who survived such trauma would have a “come to Jesus” moment, but "Unbroken" doesn't linger on that. Instead, Jolie sticks to the fact of Zamperini's faith that created within him the will to survive and drove him to become an inspiration to his fellow prisoners.

"Unbroken" is a remarkable portrait of heroism and triumph, filled with rich details of an extraordinary life. Here’s a man who punched a shark, even captured and ate a shark raw. He accomplished incredible feats in about a decade of his life that was so vast its individual pieces could be complete movies on their own. 

That Jolie has made this life into one singular, incredible film is another feat to be celebrated.

Movie Review: Two for the Money

Two for the Money (2005) 

Directed by D.J Caruso 

Written by Dan Gilroy

Starring Al Pacino, Matthew McConaughey, Rene Russo, Armand Assante, Jeremy Piven

Release Date October 7th, 2005

Published October 7th, 2005 

Director D.J. Caruso may have peaked too soon. His feature directing debut The Salton Sea is a gritty noir masterpiece that overcomes simplistic comparisons to Tarantino by out Quentin-ing Quentin. The combination of grit and style is perfect and everything comes together with the career redefining performance of Val Kilmer.

So what happened? Caruso moved up to studio pictures with the thriller Taking Lives and delivered a stylish piece of mainstream formulaic garbage. Now with yet another slick mainstream disappointment, albeit much improved, it is definitely time to return to the indies. The sports gambling melodrama Two For The Money is fast paced and stylish but compared to Salton Sea, it's simply not up to snuff when coming from a former indie auteur.

Two For The Money stars Matthew McConaughey as Brandon Long, a failed college quarterback who, after blowing out his knee in a big game, keeps his NFL dreams alive with failed tryouts in the arena league. While he awaits his return to the field he works as a wage slave at nine hundred number recording service.

Brandon's life-changing moment comes when the guy who records the NFL picks gets sick and Brandon takes his place. His ability to pick winners is Rainman-esqe and earns him the attention of gambling guru, Walter Abrams (Al Pacino). Abrams' sports advisors are a fly by night operation that skirts the anti-sports gambling laws by "advising" gamblers in exchange for a piece of their winnings.

Abrams transplants Brandon from his mother's house to a penthouse in New York City. Soon Brandon Lang is gone and John Anthony 'The Million Dollar Man' is in. Again Brandon's winning streak is uncanny and millions begin pouring in. However, as Jeremy Piven's fellow prognosticator points out; the sports gambling gods are fickle and soon Brandon/John Anthony's win streak is over.

Two For The Money moves at a quick clip and is a slickly organized character piece that falls prey to sports movie cliches even while only on the outskirts of the actual sport. What Fast and The Furious did for fast cars Two For The Money does for sports gambling, capturing the pulse pounding excitement, the visceral high of winning and the cost of losing.

What the film does best is capture the character of a true addict. Pacino essays a performance here with elements of his satanic character in Devils Advocate and his beleaguered publicist in the underappreciated People I Know and crafts one of his best performances of the past ten years. Pacino has not been this on key since Donnie Brasco and while it's not an Oscar worthy return to form-- the film itself is too flawed for that-- watching Pacino on his game is a real delight.

Matthew McConaughey still has a way to go to shed the lightweight image he has earned for onscreen fare like How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days and The Wedding Planner and offscreen for his much publicized love life and bongo playing. Breezy plot free actioners like Sahara have not helped either. In Two For The Money McConaughey strikes beefcake poses and makes goo goo eyes at Rene Russo, as Pacino's wife, but fails to deliver anything below the surface.

A feature narrative at its most basic level follows a character through a life changing experience that should make them wiser in the end. Essentially the lead character needs to learn a lesson. In Two For The Money Brandon begins one way and ends up just the same way. You never get the sense that he learns anything other than you can't trust a man like Walter Abrams. What lesson does Brandon really learn? How is he changed forever? Is he just never going to work for Walter again? Not much of a lesson really.

Pacino's character has a similarly flat arc. In the beginning Walter is reformed from every possible vice. As Russo's character puts it, if there is a meeting for it he goes. Once he takes on Brandon, cleans him up, and starts living vicariously through his winning, he succumbs to his demons and soon is the devil he once was. But was he ever really reformed? The film dangles a number of loose ends as to Walter's many vices and never ties them up.

Despite the troubled plot there is still alot to enjoy about Two For The Money, especially in D.J. Caruso's lightning fast pace and stylish big city setting. Caruso keeps the movie running at a rate that seems impossible to sustain and keeps it going all the way to the finish. The fast pace is probably there to cover up the thin narrative but it also serves to amp up the visceral excitement of winning and losing that pervades every scene. What Two For The Money lacks in depth it nearly makes up for in excitement.

But the best part about Two For The Money is the old school Pacino in rare form. Watch a scene where Pacino and McConaughey attend a gamblers anonymous meeting. Pacino's soliloquy on the gamblers love of losing is a four minute masterpiece of delivery and actorly flair. It's so good he really should have taken a curtain call.

The film captures the high that winning and even losing gamblers feel when in the thick of a big score. With a quick pace and polished look you barely notice that the film is all shiny surface. The filmmaking is so strong I can recommend it simply for the panache and composition alone. I cannot makes heads or tales of a betting line but the mechanics of sports betting are not the subject of Two For The Money but rather a vehicle for creating tension and excitement.

The betting line can make even the lamest sunday NFL contest a tense nail biter. Your team not only has to win the game they have to win by a particular number of points. Sometimes your team does not have to win the game for you to cash in.  They merely must lose by a particular number of points. You can even wager on how many points both teams will score in the game or which team will score first.  All very complicated for someone not in the know like myself.

Two For The Money is not for the recovering gambler, safe to say. The film makes sports betting look incredibly exciting and kinetic and will entice more than a few moviegoers into placing a few bets of their own. If the plot had come together a little better maybe the film itself would be as exciting as its betting lines. As it is Two For The Money is a flawed but always interesting movie that at the very least reinvigorates the moribund career of Al Pacino. For that alone Two For The Money is worth betting the price of a movie ticket.

Movie Review: Tian Tang Kou

Blood Brothers (2007) 

Directed by Alexi Tan

Written by Alexi Tan

Starring Daniel Wu, Tony Yang, Ye Liu 

Release Date August 23rd, 2007 

Published November 15th, 2007 

John Woo will return to directing for the first time in nearly four years later this year. For now, Woo seems to be reveling in his elder statesman of Asian filmmaking status. His influence is all over the new Alexi Tan action flick Three Brothers. The story of three guys from a small village who move to 1930's Shanghai and find themselves in the world of crime features some very John Woo-esque visuals, though without Woo's taste for hyperkinetic editing.

Fung (Daniel Wu) Hu (Tony Yang) and Kang (Ye Liu) have grown up together in a tiny fishing village just far enough removed from the big city of Shanghai that they are able to dream of what the city is like without the intrusion of harsh realities. Hu and Kang are brothers who accepted Fung as their brother at a very young age.

Kang is clearly the leader of this little crew and when he decides to go to Shanghai, with dreams of becoming a waiter in a fancy restaurant, it is with little disagreement that Hu and Fung follow him. Once in Shanghai Hu and Fung take jobs as rickshaw drivers while Kang manages his dream and becomes a waiter at the paradise club.

The club is a mob front for Boss Hong (Honglei Sung). With his top enforcer Mark (Chen Chang), Boss Hong runs Shanghai's elicit weapons biz. Behind the boss's back, Mark is making time with Lulu (Qi Shiu), the woman Boss Hong has turned into Shanghai's top cabaret performer. She wants to run away with Mark but is more practical than Mark who thinks he can kill the boss and get away clean.

These five people intersect in ways that will divide and combine in the most unexpected ways. Director Alexi Tang starts off slow, spending more time dazzling the eyes with striking visuals and unique music cues, lot's of classical music, very western influenced, before plunging deep into these characters and the tragic ways in which their lives cross.

The visual style of Three Brothers will be what garners the most attention for the film. Director Alexi Tang is a former production still photographer who takes his eye for static scenery and applies it beautifully to moving pictures. The crisp, clean visuals of Three Brothers gives a clear eyed view of all of the moral, ethical and other such issues faced by these compelling characters.

It is fair to say that the fate of some characters are easily predicted. If you don't already know the fate of Boss Hong you've likely not seen many movies. Also, Hu being the little brother has a fate that becomes clear very early on. His character development has a number of clues and tips that lead the way quite obviously to his fate but he nevertheless remains compelling. 

Chen Chang is the actor who stands out in a terrific cast. Playing a mob hitman gives him a badass air from the beginning but his development as a tragic, tortured hero is arguably the most compelling arc of the whole film. Chang is stunning in the films final shoot out with the lines "That is a killer?" and "This is my fate"  delivered with a flat, unironic monotone that gives the words an extra, unexpected punch.

Three Brothers develops slowly and will have many audiences squirming through the first 30 minutes or so. However, once the brothers are in Shanghai and into the world of crime, the transition becomes a concentric circle of ever evolving tragedy mixed with stylish violence and compelling imagery.

Stepping from the shadows of producer John Woo, director Alexi Tang delivers an western influenced gangster epic that pays homage to Woo but is without a doubt it's own movie.

Movie Review The Greatest

The Greatest (2010) 

Directed by Shana Feste 

Written by Shana Feste 

Starring Susan Sarandon, Pierce Brosnan, Johnny Simmons, Carey Mulligan, Michael Shannon, Aaron Johnson

Release Date April 2nd, 2010

Published April 2nd, 2010

“The Greatest” is notable for being the first film I've seen featuring derisive bell ringing. Pierce Brosnan gives the bell to his grieving wife played with anguish and abandon by Susan Surandon. She rings it at him as a rebuke to his attempt to reach out to her following the death of their son. What meaning the bell had was lost on me after Sarandon began so contemptuously ringing it.

”The Greatest,” the first feature from writer-director Shana Feste, is a film that wants to be about grief but plays more like an oddball indie film trying exceptionally hard to treat a familiar subject in an obscure fashion. Pierce Brosnan is Allan, a mathematics professor who was cheating on his wife Grace (Susan Sarandon) at the time their son Bennett (Aaron Johnson) was killed in a car accident.

The affair and everything else in their lives stops at this point as Allan becomes sleepless and confused while Grace becomes crazed and obsessed with what may have been 17 minutes of her son’s life before he died; minutes spent with the man whose truck hit Bennett's car, Jordan (Michael Shannon). Unfortunately, Jordan fell into a coma before anyone could account for the 17 minute conversation.

As Allan, Grace and their younger son Ryan (Johnny Simmons) fall into a routine of grief, sleeplessness, drugs and mania, Rose (Carey Mulligan) enters their life. Rose was Bennett's girlfriend and though she was in the car with Bennett when he was killed, no one in the family seems that interested in her until she shows up at their door three months pregnant.

Allan asks her to move in while Grace resents her and Ryan is a prick to her for reasons only he understands. Why Rose has no one else to live with is passed over briefly in a conversation with Allan but has no importance. She is a plot catalyst and her immediate proximity to the rest of the cast is a plot necessity.

Nothing in “The Greatest” feels remotely organic. It's all dramatic contrivance meant to give the cast a chance to rage in one direction or another. Some of the rage is quite compelling, even moving but mostly it feels like actors showing off the ability to rant and rave in a fashion that feels dramatic. 

Carey Mulligan, the deserving Oscar nominee for “An Education,” plays Rose as an oddball loner who upon moving into the home of her ex's family begins building an elaborate sheet castle in the spare bedroom. She's the kind of indie movie cutie who takes random photographs, typically not on a digital camera, has a pixie haircut and says the things that no one else is willing to say.

Sarandon finds moments of truth in the midst of wilding emotions. She has the film's best scene opposite Michael Shannon as the comatose man. The account of the 17 minutes is deeply moving and revealing and Shannon, a once and future Oscar contender, nails the moment.

”The Greatest” is far from terrible; it's merely off-putting in its overly dramatic fashion and typically offbeat indie movie-ness that has become as cliche as the mainstream dramas that “The Greatest” attempts to circumvent with its oddity.

Movie Review Happy Feet 2

Happy Feet 2 (2011) 

Directed by George Miller

Written by George Miller, Gary Eck

Starring Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Pink, Hank Azaria, Brad Pitt, Common, Matt Damon, Sofia Vergara

Release Date November 18th, 2011

Published November 18th, 2011

Pop junk is a little harsh for a movie as harmless as "Happy Feet 2" but it is nevertheless a fitting pronunciation. "Happy Feet 2" is junky; filled to overflow with dull pop songs and boring perfunctory messages about finding your place, growing up, family and global warming.

The original "Happy Feet," also a fluffy piece of pop junk, followed Mumble (Elijah Wood) as he learned to dance with the aid of his pal Ramon (Robin Williams) and the love of a female penguin named Gloria (Brittany Murphy). Five years later, Mumble and Gloria, now voiced by pop star Pink, have a son (Ava Acres) named Erik who struggles to find his place in the world.

The plot kicks in when Uncle Ramon decides to return to his penguin flock on the other side of the mountain. Unknowingly, Ramon is trailed by Erik and his pals. They follow Ramon back to his old family where they make a fascinating discovery; a penguin who can fly.

While Mumble tracks down his son and also confronts The Mighty Sven (Hank Azaria) a massive glacier crashes into Mumble's home and traps his friends and family, including Gloria. With his home cut off from the ocean Mumble must find a way to get food to his friends and a way to get them out of the hole they're in.

In a minor and surprisingly entertaining subplot a pair of Krill named Will (Brad Pitt) and Bill (Matt Damon) leaves their swarm behind in search of adventure and an identity of their own. Will wants to become a predator and is determined to take a bite out of something; Will is along for the ride with his best friend.

This subplot is funny not because it's wildly inventive or well written but because Brad Pitt and Matt Damon throw dignity to the wind and give full throat to a pair of sweet, strange performances. How strange are they? Pitt and Damon each sing, quite badly but with complete abandon and joy.

Pitt and Damon are the standouts in an otherwise by the numbers effort that recycles cloying cuteness, boring, overplayed pop songs and good intentions. There's nothing wrong with the messages ``Happy Feet 2" intends to pass along. The problem is the method of delivering these messages has no freshness and thus lacks resonance.

Rather than waste the price of a movie ticket on "Happy Feet 2" I recommend you grab your DVD of the original off the shelf and toss that in the DVD player. All you're losing in the experience is the chance to pay big money at a movie theater for a movie you've basically seen already.

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