Online Archive of Film Critic Sean Patrick
Movie Review Shazam Fury of the Gods
Movie Review American Cherry
American Cherry (2023)
Directed by Marcella Cytrynowicz
Written by Marcella Cytrynowicz
Starring Leonora Varela, Matty Cardarople, Hart Denton
Release Date March 17th, 2023
Published March 16th, 2023
Is this dull or am I just tired? Probably should not have to wonder about that during a movie. But I did wonder that as I sat through the frankly miserable new teen drama, American Cherry. The film starring Hart Denton and Sara May Sommers as a doomed young couple is an incredibly sad bit of small-town misery porn about incredibly sad teens and negligent small down adults. American Cherry presses buttons hard, doubling down on portraying how dull to the point of agony small town life is and the lengths one troubled teen specifically will go just to break the monotony.
Hart Denton, from TV's Riverdale, stars in American Cherry as Finn Elliott, a deeply depressed young man. Finn is so bored in his small corner of the Midwest that he is pondering suicide. In fact, the plot of the movie kicks in when Finn, with his constant companion, an old school video camera, is lying in the street hoping one of the few cars that pass his house, runs him over. Finn is rescued at the last moment by one of his High School classmates, Eliza (Sarah May Sommers), who manages to stop an oncoming car just in time.
Intrigued that someone may not want to see him splattered all over the road, Finn begins to see more of Eliza and the two form a tentative romance. That burgeoning romance is tempered by Eliza's own personal drama involving her mother, Louise (Leonor Varela), a struggling alcoholic. Louise and Eliza are estranged not only from Eliza's completely absent bio-dad, but also from her step-dad and step-sister, though Eliza still sees the sister everyday. The separation of their parents have led to Eliza resenting her sister while lamenting her mother's decisions.
This is all portrayed against a beautifully bucolic setting. The lovely backdrops of a beautiful small town provide a counterpoint to the ugly personal stories that drive the plot of American Cherry. That's a solid approach, juxtaposition is a classic dramatic tool. What doesn't work for me about American Cherry is how the film leans in on being so ugly. Instead of merely being disaffected and sad, Finn is a psychopath. This is a deeply unwell character and the broad, brooding, weirdness of Finn is not a great fit for the drama of Eliza's story which is honestly more compelling in the conflicts it presents.
At times, Finn's deeply troubled mutterings and obnoxious use of Kurt Vonnegut quotes as a signifier of his superiority over others, make the character appear as if he's visiting the wrong movie. He's the star of the film so, obviously, that's a problem. Sarah May Sommers is delivering a lovely performance filled with the heartbreaking angst of being a teenage girl desperate for a normal life, while Denton is playing a loose adaptation of John Hinckley or Mark David Chapman, loner-killers with delusions of self-importance.
Find my full length review at Geeks.Media
Movie Review A Little White Lie
A Little White Lie (2023)
Directed by Michael Maren
Written by Michael Maren
Starring Kate Hudson, Michael Shannon, Don Johnson
Release Date March 3rd, 2023
Published March 1st, 2023
Michael Shannon has made his name as an actor by being wildly unique and unpredictable. Those qualities are on incredible display in the new comedy, A Little White Lie. Here, Michael Shannon stars as a man named Shriver, a janitor living a life of desperation and boredom in New York City. Schriver's life is upended when he receives a letter from a college professor, Professor Simone Cleary (Kate Hudson), inviting him to speak at a prestigious but struggling literary conference in Utah.
This is a little odd as Schriver doesn't remember having written a famous bestseller before pulling a J.D Salinger and disappearing from the literary world. Nevertheless, with prodding from his best friend Lenny (Mark Boone Junior), Schriver accepts the invitation and plans to pretend that he is this mysterious missing author. It's helpful to his scheme that no one has ever seen the famous Schriver, aside from a dark and broody photograph on the back cover of his novel.
Arriving for the conference we meet the rest of the cast of this unusual comedy. Joining Kate Hudson is Don Johnson as a degenerate fellow professor with a deep admiration for Schriver and his writing. Aja Naomi King, known for role on TV's How to Get Away With Murder, plays a fellow author named Blythe Brown who is suspicious of Shriver from the moment she meets him. And rounding out the main cast are Da'Vine Joy Randolph as a Schriver super-fan and Romy Byrne as Teresa, Professor Cleary's assistant who appears to be in charge of exposition in several scenes.
There are elements of A Little White Lie that don't work like a highly reductive cameo by beloved character actress Wendie Malick. Malick plays a patron of the college literary department who has a legendary habit of sleeping with famous authors. That's the joke, she sleeps with authors. She's an older woman who likes to have sex and for reasons unexplained, t
his is supposed to be funny. Neither Michael Shannon as the object of her desire or Malick herself are given any time to flesh out what might be funny about this beyond the idea of it.
Find my full length review at Geeks.Media
Movie Review Creed 3
Creed 3 (2023)
Directed by Michael B. Jordan
Written by Keenan Coogler, Zach Baylin
Starring Michael B.Jordan. Jonathan Majors, Tessa Thompson
Release Date March 3rd, 2023
Published March 2nd, 2023
Creed 3 is an exceptional film. The culmination of the Rocky/Creed franchise, directed by star Michael B. Jordan, brings not only the story of Adonis Creed to a close but, indeed, the complete evolution of the Rocky franchise to a place of peaceful self realization. A conversation about masculinity, emotional vulnerability, and the various healthy and unhealthy was that men, specifically, process complicated emotions and long term trauma, reaches a place of genuine catharsis in the story of Adonis Creed and his opponent, Diamond 'Dame' Damian Anderson, played by Jonathan Majors.
Creed 3 opens with a seeming ending. Adonis Creed is having his final fight. Fighting in the famed arena in South Africa where Muhammad Ali had his greatest triumph, Adonis ends his career as the undisputed World Boxing Champion. Cut to three years later and Adonis seems to find that retirement suits him. He's spending a healthy and loving amount of time with his lovely wife, Bianca (Tessa Thompson, and his beautiful daughter, Amara (Mila Davis-Kent), lovingly and gracefully adapting to life as a father to a young hearing impaired child.
Signs of Adonis' healthy transition to life post-boxing are everywhere including in his professional life working as a boxing promoter. Adonis is training the next generation of fighter including the latest Undisputed World Champion, Felix Chavez (Teofimo Lopez), who is about to fight Creed's former foe turned friend, Victor Drago (Florian Munteanu). Naturally, since all is going so well in Creed's life, he's being set up for a major complication.
Find my full length review of Creed 3 at Geeks.Media
Movie Review Rebroken
Rebroken (2023)
Directed by Kenny Yates
Written by Scott Hamm Duenas
Starring Scott Hamm Duenas, Kipp Tribble, Alison Haislip
Release Date March 7th, 2023
Published March 3rd, 2023
Rebroken is a bizarre amalgamation of religious drama, horror, suspense, and The Twilight Zone, maybe? It all makes sense but it's so drawn out and melodramatic it becomes impossible to continue to care or pay attention. The film promises to deliver actor Tobin Bell, Jigsaw from the Saw franchise, but he's barely here in a mysterious role where he plays a homeless Jesus figure or possibly a villain leading our hero astray or maybe neither of those things. Mostly, Bell is here to draw in horror movie loyalists who might assume that Rebroken is some kind of Saw offshoot. It most certainly is not.
Scott Hamm Duenas stars in Rebroken as Will, a struggling alcoholic sentenced to take part in a grief support group. Will's daughter died while in his care while he was crawling inside a bottle of whiskey. Will's life, day to day, never seems to change. He has the same dream about his daughter dying, attends his support group, walks home, grabs a bottle of whiskey and a microwave dinner and drinks himself to sleep. This happens every night and we watch it happen over and over again with little variation until we are begging the movie to do anything different.
Rebroken finally shifts the story when one of Will's fellow support group members, Lydia (Nija Okoro), points him in the direction of a mysterious homeless man. Von (Tobin Bell) speaks cryptically about Will being on a path and appears to promise Will that his daughter will come back if Will stays on the path and listens to what Von has to tell him. Von gifts Will a series of records labeled with bible verses that feature Von narrating vaguely spiritual, vaguely motivational aphorisms that seem to awaken something in Will.
Find my full length review at Geeks.Media
Classic Movie Review Casablanca
Casablanca (1943)
Directed by Michael Curtiz
Written by Julias J. Epstein, Phillip G. Epstein, Howard Koch
Starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Paul Henreid, Claud Rains, Peter Lorre
Release Date January 23rd, 1943
Published March 4th, 2023
Casablanca sets the stakes of its story almost immediately. After a brief voiceover setting us within the time of the story of Casablanca, we're thrust into the maelstrom of commerce and treachery of Casablanca. Authorities are in the midst of confronting a man regarding his 'papers.' Contextually, we come to understand that not having up to date papers, presumably related to immigration status and travel, you can be subject to arrest. And we will learn that being arrested, under most circumstances in Casablanca, is a death sentence, a likely trip to a concentration camp.
Thus, we are in the market. Authorities in full uniform confront a well-dressed man and ask to see his papers. Fearful, the man tries to say that he simply does not have them with him. They threaten to arrest him and in desperate ploy, he suddenly finds his papers in his suit jacket. The papers are out of date and the man is once again set to be arrested. He makes one last desperate attempt to escape, shoving past the authorities and making a run for it. The man is shot in the back. Thus, what is at stake if you don't have proper documentation in Casablanca? It's not just your freedom, it's your life.
This is the set up for introducing our MacGuffin, to borrow Hitchcock's term. The MacGuffin, for the uninitiated, is the name Hitchcock gave to the nebulous thing that everyone in a given movie wants. A MacGuffin can be just about anything as long as it drives the characters in the film to desire it and willingly risk everything to get it. In Casablanca, the MacGuffin are the "Letters of Transit." These are papers that would allow someone to leave Casablanca. It's a means of escaping legally from authorities, specifically, in the case of Casablanca, escaping from the Nazis.
Full length review at Geeks.Media
Movie Review 10 Things I Hate About You
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Directed by Gil Junger
Written by Karen McCullah, Kirsten Smith
Starring Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Larisa Oleynik
Release Date March 31st, 1999
Published March 5th, 2023
It is a genuine effort that I have to make to like 10 Things I Hate About You. It's, honestly, a chore. I want to love this movie. I know that I did love it when it was released in 1999. But, I was also a relatively young film critic with a serious crush on Julia Stiles and a desire to be Heath Ledger. To say my objectivity was compromised would be very fair. Watching it again as the classic for the March 6th, 2023, episode of the Everyone's a Critic Movie Review Podcast, the chore of trying to be someone who likes 10 Things I Hate About You really presented itself.
10 Things I Hate About You stars Julia Stiles as Kat Stratford. Kat is the 'Shrew' who must be 'Tamed' in the Shakespearean sense, the film is a loose adaptation of the Bard's Taming of the Shrew and the filmmakers really, really, want you to remember that. Awkward dialogue exchanges and obvious name conventions make the forced effort to underline Shakespeare thuddingly obvious if you aren't willing yourself to ignore the awkwardness.
Kat has developed a reputation for beating up the boys at her High School. She refuses to date anyone as she sees the High School boys as beneath her. The story of 10 Things I Hate About You kicks in when a pair of boys begin to vie for the affection of Kat's sister, Bianca (Larisa Oleynik). When Bianca approaches her father for permission to date he decides that Bianca can date only when her sister decides to date. Knowing Kat, that may not happen until she leaves for college.
Armed with this information from Bianca, nice guy Cameron (Joseph Gordon Levitt) and High School bad boy Joey Donner (Andrew Keegan), launch a plan. They will pay someone to seduce Kat into dating. After After being turned down by a series of guys who put over Kat's reputation as a ballbuster of a most literal sort, the schemers settle on Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger), a student with a reputation of his own. It's rumored that Patrick has been to jail, he's spent time in a mental institution and, he ate an entire duck.
If anyone is crazy enough to try and date Kat Stratford, it's Patrick Verona. The plan works but, of course, Patrick falls for Kat and when Joey figures out that Cameron is more likely to get a date with Bianca than he is, the plan goes awry in the most obviously expected fashion. There truly is no mystery or even a shred of suspense to this plot. Kat is going to find out that Patrick was paid to date her and she's going to be hurt by that. How the movie resolves that plot is deeply unsatisfying despite a strong, tearful effort by a very game Julia Stiles.
Read the full length review at Geeks.Media
Movie Review Unwelcome
Unwelcome (2023)
Directed by Jon Wright
Written by Mark Stay
Starring Hannah John-Kamen, Douglas Booth, Colm Meaney
Release Date March 8th, 2023, Digital Release March 14th, 2023
Published March 6th, 2023
Unwelcome is the bizarre combination of Straw Dogs meets Goblins that you did not know you needed in your life. This bizarre 'folk horror' film from Ireland is terrifically fun and effective horror storytelling. There are creatures in Unwelcome but the real horror at play is other people. The outside world seems to have it out for a pair of young lovers with a new baby on the way. The anxiety of starting a new family, beginning a new life, and finding a safe place to raise a child become externalized in the form of bitter weirdos with a penchant for destroying the sanctity of family in Unwelcome.
Unwelcome kicks off on a frightening note. In an epilogue, we meet our lovely protagonists. Maya (Hannah John-Kamen) and Jamie (Douglas Booth), have been struggling for some time to get pregnant. There is a distinct anxiety over Maya's latest pregnancy test with Jamie trying to be ambivalent but his sadness but his disappointment and nerves coming through in his manner, especially when he's out of sight of Maya. Each wants to let the other know that they will be okay if they can't have a child but it's clearly an attempt at comforting each other. When the pregnancy test comes back positive, the relief and catharsis is quite evident.
Sadly, this is when the plot intervenes to move things along. While Maya calls her mother, Jamie leaves to go to a convenience store for some champagne. On his way, he's accosted by some bullies who seem to have nothing better to do than harass him. He manages to get away from them and avoid an encounter but when he insults their leader, he finds them following him back to his apartment. A home invasion commences and both Jamie and Maya are assaulted with pleas about Maya's newfound pregnancy ignored. Maya gets kicked in the gut and the terror of this scene takes hold just as we fade to credits.
Find my full length review at Horror.Media
What Makes a Movie Good or Bad?
I saw the above meme-tweet posted on Tumblr and it kind of blew my mind. It honestly did not occur to me that someone could watch a movie and not know whether the movie was good or bad. How do you not know if you've enjoyed something or not? It really is as simple as, if you enjoyed the movie, the movie is good, to you. If you didn't enjoy the movie, the movie isn't good, to you. It's a completely subjective distinction. I can't tell you if you are going to like a movie or not, I can only recommend or not recommend a movie based on my subjective opinion.
The only difference between you and a film critic is a willingness to confidently state an opinion and support that opinion with rhetoric. That's it. There are complexities, shades of gray, and other things that separate a professional film critic from an average moviegoer, but it really does just boil down to a willingness that people like me have to state our opinion with confidence, plant a flag on a particular opinion, and withstand the scrutiny of our position.
I think one of the reasons people don't want to take a stand on whether a movie is good or bad is the idea of having to defend their opinion. Most people have a strong desire to not be considered wrong. There is a deep seated anxiety over the idea that confidently stating an opinion could render someone an outsider. People have a strong desire to belong, a strong desire to relate to others and a good way to go along and get along is to keep your strong opinions to yourself.
Going along to get along is a default position for many, many people. Being different can bring unwanted attention and having an opinion about something is a quick way of making yourself different from the crowd. Think of it like this, if you have a group of friends that loves Marvel movies, are you willing to say you don't like Marvel movies? Or are you more likely to just nod your head and listen to them talk? Most people, I would argue, prefer that second position.
Read the full length article at Geeks.media
Movie Review Operation Fortune Ruse de Guerre
Classic Movie Review The Crying Game
The Crying Game (1992)
Directed by Neil Jordan
Written by Neil Jordan
Starring Stephen Rea, Jaye Davidson, Forrest Whitaker, Miranda Richardson
Release Date November 27th, 1992, February 1993 (Oscar Release)
Published February 20th, 2023
What stands out about Neil Jordan's The Crying Game 30 years later is how remarkably sensitive the film is. While the film's lasting legacy in popular culture centers on actor Jaye Davidson's penis, the actual film, The Crying Game centers on sensitivity, intimacy and tenderness while also providing elements of a thriller and a spy movie. Neil Jordan brings forward a gay love story in The Crying Game in a way that had arguably never been explored before in this way. Using a traditional thriller narrative about warring spies, guns, and murder, Jordan tells a love story about people who are struggling to find who they really are.
Stephen Rea stars in The Crying Game as Fergus, a member of the Irish Republican Army. History, as told by the British, would call the IRA terrorists. I truly have no idea what the actual legacy of the IRA is and I don't see a necessity to unpack the IRA here. The IRA is basically the vehicle that brings Fergus into contact with Jody (Forrest Whitaker), a young British soldier who is captured in Ireland and held for ransom. If the British will release a member of the IRA they are holding prisoner, then Fergus and is his fellow IRA members will release Jody.
Of course, Jody, and possibly Fergus, knows that Jody is going to die. The British do not negotiate with the IRA, they work to eliminate the IRA. Jody's only glimmer of hope comes in trying to convince Fergus to let him go. Thus begins a lengthy and intimate series of conversation over a three day period from Jody's kidnapping to the day the IRA plans to execute him. In this time, Jody and Fergus bond and writer-director Neil Jordan willfully layers in visual indicators that perhaps there is more than just friendly banter going on between these two seemingly very different men.
Knowing that his dire fate is approaching, Jody gives Fergus his wallet and with it, a photo of the woman Jody loves. Her name is Dil (Jaye Davidson) and she's a hairdresser back in Jody's home town. Jody begs Fergus to go and look in on Dil if, indeed Jody dies. What happens next will lead Fergus to Dil and the start of another complicated, deeply fraught, but genuine love story. Of course, history tells us what complicates this romance but the movie itself, is far more than that one pop culture footnote.
Find my full length review at Geeks.Media
Classic Movie Review The Big Sleep
The Big Sleep (1946)
Directed by Howard Hawks
Written by William Faulkner, Leigh Brackett, Jules Furthman
Starring Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Martha Vickers, Dorothy Malone
Release Date August 31st, 1946
Published February 21st, 2023
Who is Phillip Marlowe? He's a detective, of course, but beyond that. Who is he? He's a cynic, a loner, a veteran. He's seen just about everything. He's seen enough to know when he's being lied to. He's tired. As conceived by Howard Hawks and Humphrey Bogart in The Big Sick, he's weary, bone tired, and yet noble. He may no longer have time for joy in his life but he has purpose... and cigarettes... and booze. But Marlowe's true hallmark is weariness. He just seems as if the weight of the planet is pulling him into the ground and he's not all that interested in preventing this from happening.
Marlowe doesn't have a lot to lose and hasn't had a lot to lose in a long while. This bone deep weariness has settled in after years of providing witness to the ugly side of everyday. Cheating spouses, murder, missing people, and the betrayal of friends, Marlowe's livelihood revolves around misery. It's natural that such a vocation would weigh on a man. In Humphrey Bogart, that weariness, that sense of being so incredibly worn down by life, has a physical form. The lines on Bogart's face seem to have been formed by the sheer force of emotional, physical, and intellectual experience.
It's odd to think, but in many ways, a man like Phillip Marlowe exists as a proxy for the pain of others. He's a trauma shield, a way to experience trauma through the filter of someone else. As a private detective, he's the one who will see the husband or the wife cheating or find that friend that has been stealing from you. He can then slightly soften the blow by providing the tools you need for the confrontation that must ensue and be resolved so life can go on. Strangely, I'm reminded of John Coffey from The Green Mile who sucks out the illness of others, into himself, and releases it to the world in a strange form of healing.
The main difference is that Marlowe does what he does for a significant price, and daily expense payments. For his latest effort, Marlowe finds himself in admiration of an elderly former General living out the last days of his life. General Sternwood (Charles Waldron) has called upon Marlowe because he is being blackmailed by some unknown person. A proxy for this unknown blackmailer has given the General gambling receipts indicating an unpaid debt that they claim belongs. to Sternwood's youngest daughter, the coquettish Carmen Sternwood. Payment is demanded of General Sternwood or something will happen to Carmen.
For her part, Carmen appears unfazed by whatever is happening, perhaps even unaware. Not innocent, not by a longshot, but nevertheless unbothered by potential dangers. After meeting Marlowe, and immediately flirting with him in clumsy, heavy handed fashion, the next time we see her, Carmen is extremely drunk and sharing space with a recently dead man. Marlowe, having followed Carmen, assuming she would lead to the blackmailer, finds Carmen and the dead man and sets about getting her home safely while avoiding the obvious frame job.
Find my full length review at Geeks.Media
Spoiler Alert: Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania What is Kang's Future in the MCU?
Movie Review My Bloody Valentine
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Directed by George Mihalka
Written by John Beaird
Starring Neil Affleck, Paul Kelman, Laurie Hallier, Don Francis, Cynthia Dale
Release Date February 11th, 1981
Published February 14th, 2023
My Bloody Valentine 1981 is a low budget horror success story. The film was made for about 5 bucks and a 6 pack of beer, and it went on to become a beloved cult classic. Does that make it a good movie? Not really, but, from a business standpoint, it's undeniably successful. Year after year, on Valentine's Day, My Bloody Valentine grabs a sizable chunk of the streaming market and makes this little horror movie that could into one of the greatest low budget success stories of the 1980s. Again, that doesn't make it an actual good movie, but it is impressive.
In the town of Valentine Bluff, somewhere in Cananda, a mine accident killed left four men dead and one man, Harry Warden, alive after he resorted to murdering his fellow miners and eating their flesh to survive. Harry winds up in a coma until a year later when he wakes up and murders the men responsible for the accident. As we join the story, we are 20 years removed from Harry Warden's rampage. It's established that this is the first Valentine's Day celebration since the murders 20 years ago.
Valentine's Day was outlawed in the town because the men who were responsible for the mining accident, the men subsequently murdered by Harry Warden, caused the accident by leaving the mine to attend the town Valentine's Day Dance. Now, the next generation of miners in Valentine Bluff have petitioned to bring back the celebration. This sets off Harry Warden who returns having been triggered by the celebration of Valentine's Day. Warden is supposed to have been locked away in a mental institution but now, the sheriff can't confirm if he's alive or dead.
Meanwhile, in a romantic subplot, a rivalry has arisen between T.J (Paul Kelman) and Axel (Neil Affleck). T.J is the son of the mine owner and has recently returned to town to work at the mine. T.J's ex, Sarah (Lori Hallier), has moved on with Axel and T.J is quite jealous. This rivalry will come to a head when the miners are told that their Valentine's celebration has been canceled by the mayor (Larry Reynolds), and the Sheriff (Don Francks). They've discovered a pair of bodies, possibly the work of Harry Warden and they are moving to cancel Valentine's Day as quickly as possible.
Thus, the miners have invited themselves to a trap when they move their Valentine's Day celebration to the mine shaft. There they will line up to be Harry's next victims by enacting classic slasher movie tropes such as trying to have sex or going places they aren't supposed to go and running the wrong direction to escape the killer. The question then becomes, is this really Harry Warden or is this a copycat with a completely different motive?
That should be the question. The reality, however, is that My Bloody Valentine is far too lazy to concern itself with details that make sense. Instead, director George Mihalka settles for revealing the killer's origins in the final minutes of the movie, as a twist. It renders much of the rest of the movie rather dubious and superfluous. None of the characters introduced really matter to the plot, they suddenly exist as cannon fodder as we find out who the killer is.
Find my full length review at Horror.Media
Movie Review: Your Place or Mine
Your Place or Mine (2023)
Directed by Aline Brosh McKenna
Written by Aline Brosh McKenna
Starring Reese Witherspoon, Ashton Kutcher, Jesse Williams, Zoe Chao, Tig Notaro
Release Date February 10th, 2023
Published February 13th, 2023
The slapdash, clumsy and derivative new romantic comedy, Your Place or Mine still manages to have moments of grace and genuine romance. It's a shame the movie is so dedicated to playing the rom-com greatest hits that it cannot fully take advantage of the few good moments. No, sadly, the latest effort from the generally quite good writer-director Aline Brosh McKenna is by far her most mundane, by the numbers effort. Despite a pair leads with decent chemistry, Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher, Your Place or Mine falls well short of rom-com greatness.
In Your Place or Mine Reese Witherspoon is Debbie and Ashton Kutcher is Peter. We meet them on the first night they hooked up, 20 years ago, following a game of poker. Shortly after that, Peter told Debbie that they should not be together as he's bad at being in relationships. Somehow, they remained not just friends but best friends and went on with their lives. Each gave up their dreams, her to be a book editor and him to be an author, and found vague levels of success in other endeavors. She's an accountant for her son's school and he's a movie conception of a consultant, the nebulously defined but wealthy kind of fallback character job that hack screenwriters assign so as not to have to spend time on backstory.
A clumsy opening series of scenes sets in stone the very obvious arc of this already quite obvious romance. Debbie needs to loosen up and have some fun, Peter needs to learn how to be responsible to others and become selfless. Commence the deus ex machina. The brilliant Rachel Bloom drops in from a completely different movie and sets the plot in motion by not being able to watch Debbie's son, Jack (Wesley Kimmel), while Debbie was set to go to New York to see Peter and take a course to advance her accounting career.
Knowing that his friend is counting on this class in New York, Peter decides to get on a plane and go to L.A and watch Jack while Debbie stays at his place in New York. While in New York, Debbie befriends the best character in Your Place or Mine, Peter's ex-hook up, Minka, played by Zoe Chao. To say that Chao steal the movie is an understatement. She's the character with the most personality, the most organic growth, and all of the best jokes in the movie. She befriends Debbie as a sort of mini-deus ex machina as it is her job within her subplot to get Debbie to find Peter's book and give it to a sexy book editor, played by Jesse Williams.
Williams is obvious roadblock between Debbie and Peter's happily ever after. He offers her an alternative romance with someone she is more obviously compatible with. But, we already know where this is headed and the movie doesn't give Williams much to play to turn his role into anything more than a speed bump on the way to the obvious conclusion. It's incredibly disappointing to watch these terrifically talented people acting out a script that is the bare minimum of effort and confounding why someone as talented as Aline Brosh McKenna fell back on so much lazy screenwriting.
Find my full length review at Geeks.Media
Movie Review Project Wolf Hunting
Project Wolf Hunting (2023)
Directed by Hongsun Kim
Written by Hongsun Kim
Starring Seo In-Guk, Dong Yoon Jang, Jung So Min
Release Date February 14th, 2023
Published February 9th, 2023
Deep within the bowels of a freighter steaming from the Philippines, traveling to Busan, lies a secret that most of the men on board are not aware of. The freight ship is carrying a group of criminals that had escaped to the Philippines back to face justice in South Korea. The secret cargo in the basement appears to be a living corpse. He's being seen to by a doctor and there are indications that he is somehow, miraculously alive, though how that's possible is a deep, dark secret.
The living corpse is clearly very dangerous. He's being held down flat in a metal cage structure. He's heavily sedated and constantly under guard. This being a movie however, we know that this monster will not remain locked up for long. Then there are the inmates, a dangerous lot of murderers, rapists, and assorted scoundrels. They know their fate back in South Korea and at least one of them, with a lengthy rap sheet, is determined not to see Busan any time soon.
Aiding the malevolent inmates are a group of gang members posing as boat staff. They've managed to smuggle guns, drugs, and money on to the boat with the intent of hijacking the boat and directing it wherever their captured leader wants to go. Standing in their way is a strangely calm, fearless, and stalwart fellow inmate. This man carries a secret that is loosely related to the caged zombie monster in the lower decks and the shady pharmaceutical company that has had a hand in arranging this boat trip.
That's a lot of plot and there are several notable characters but that is not what Project Wolf Hunting is all about. Instead, the monster man in the lower decks is at the heart of the movie. His escape and ensuing, bloody, gory, violent rampage takes up most of the action of the movie. This is a terrifying monster, part Frankenstein's Monster, part zombie and seemingly unstoppable, one of his first acts is to punch an inmates jaw right off of his face in explicit fashion.
Once this unstoppable monster is loose, Project Wolf Hunting is a very different movie. The conspiracy plot, involving the pharmaceutical company is still playing out, but that's very much not the point. Rather, the movie changes to become a series of ever escalating violence and gore. The monster unceasingly pursues anyone he can get his hands on, brutally crushes their bones as their blood sprays uncannily in all directions.
Director Hongsun Kim doesn't make much time for characters or stories to be told. Rather, he's more interested in his special effects, especially blood spatter. If watching the ways Kim can spray blood on walls, on other people, on various boat components, is of interest to you, you will love Project Wolf Hunting. I must say, it worked for me. The shift from a rather mundane narrative to the absolute nuttiness of a gorefest was kind of a fun twist.
Find my full length review at Horror.Media
Movie Review Condor's Nest
Movie Review: Elizabethtown (Original Review)
Elizabethtown (2005)
Directed by Cameron Crowe
Written by Cameron Crowe
Starring Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Judy Greer, Susan Sarandon, Paul Schneider
Release Date October 14th, 2005
Published October 13th, 2005
For me, a new Cameron Crowe film is like the release of Lord Of The Rings. I will line up days in advance, I will play the soundtracks of his previous films at obscene volumes and I will pore over the texts of the script as if they held the answer to life itself. Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous, Say Anything and Singles are not just any other movies. To me they are masterpieces.
So I have been anticipating the release of Elizabethtown ever since the final credits on Vanilla Sky rolled off the screen in 2001. To say I am a little disappointed in Elizabethtown is one of the hardest things I have ever written. By the standards of an average movie Elizabethtown is great. By the standards of Cameron Crowe, however, Elizabethtown is a step backwards.
Orlando Bloom plays Drew Baylor, who looks like a man on his way to his own execution. Drew is a shoe designer for a Nike-esque company in Oregon and his first creation, a shoe called 'Spasmodica', has just failed so spectacularly that the company stands to lose nearly a billion dollars on it's recall. As Drew's boss (Alec Baldwin in a minor cameo) explains, the shoe was so poorly received by the public that one industry observer was quoted as saying the shoe could cause millions of people to return to bare feet.
Fired from the only job he has ever known, Drew returns home with dark intentions. He plans to kill himself and begins fashioning a very unique suicide device involving a kitchen knife and some workout equipment. It must be seen to be believed. Drew's attempt is foiled by his cell phone's unending musical ring which he cannot resist answering.
The call is from his younger sister Heather (Judy Greer). Their father has died. On a trip back to his hometown, the tiny Kentucky hamlet Elizabethtown, Dad had a heart attack. At his mother Hollie's (Susan Surandon) request Drew must go to Elizabethtown and retrieve the body for cremation in Oregon and represent the family in whatever tribute the Elizabethtown Baylor's have planned. The two sides of the family have rarely had contact.
On his flight from Oregon to Kentucky Drew meets Claire, a chirpy stewardess who takes a special interest in making sure he knows where he is going. Claire is obviously attracted to Drew despite, or maybe because, of his morose attitude. She gives him directions to get to Elizabethtown and her phone number in case he gets lost and it seemingly could have ended right there.
When Drew finally arrives in Elizabethtown the culture shock and his newfound family are so overwhelming that he needs to talk to someone and Claire is his choice. The two talk an entire night and get together to watch the sun come up. They agree to be friends but it's clear both are fighting fate. They are meant for each other.
That is the very bare bones of Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown, yet another very personal and deeply felt story for Crowe but also one he can't quite get a handle on. There are three important plots in Elizabethtown. First is Drew's failure at work. Second, the family drama including his father's death and meeting his extended family. And third is his romance with Claire. To make this movie work Crowe needed to coalesce each of these three plots into one story. Unfortunately it just never happens.
I enjoyed both lead performances by Bloom and Dunst but the relationship is so far unrelated from the family drama and Drew's work drama that it feels almost like a separate movie. Dunst delivers a character that is very unique. Some might say that she is more fantasy than anything, but I believed that this character would do the things she does. She is quirky and forgiving and troubled in her own ways. It's a complex part that has great potential but there are scenes missing, important scenes and dialogue that might better have integrated her into the rest of the story.
Bloom's performance is complicated for different reasons. He was not the first choice for the role. Initially Ashton Kutcher was cast as Drew. Bloom was the better choice of the two but because Cameron Crowe's male protagonists are so well remembered Bloom is competing with the ghosts of the past and he pales in comparison to the likes of Tom Cruise, John Cusack, Campbell Scott and even young Patrick Fugit from Almost Famous.
Cameron Crowe does not do Bloom any favors in his scripting or direction. Much of Elizabethtown plays like Cameron Crowe's greatest hits. Dunst's character is a mixture of Renee Zellweger's needy but lovable single mom in Jerry Magure and Kate Hudson's ethereal groupie from Almost Famous. Drew's wacky extended family in Elizabethtown are older versions of the wacky neighbors from Singles or the inebriated party goers from Say Anything. And Drew himself carries the DNA of both Jerry Maguire and Lloyd Dobler.
Even the film score, once again lovingly crafted by Crowe's wife Nancy Wilson, feels as if it were lifted from Almost Famous. Check out the scene just after Susan Surandon's exceptional speech at the memorial. Drew and Claire meet in the hallway and the acoustic guitar score comes in just a little too loud. The scene is a poignant moment where Drew tries once again to explain that he and Claire cannot be together. The music in the scene is lovely but sounds almost identical to music used in a scene in Almost Famous where William tells Penny she has been sold out by the band and won't continue with the tour. This may be just the anal retentive Crowe fan in me coming out but it bothers me to hear Crowe simply repeat himself.
Thankfully, the same cannot be said of the film's pop soundtrack. Once again Cameron Crowe brings together an eclectic mix of classic hits and forgotten or overlooked favorites that compliment the story and occasionally comment on it. In the film's climactic scenes in which Drew drives his fathers ashes cross country back to his home in Oregon he is accompanied by an amazing soundtrack that Claire made for him as a sort of musical map of America. The reasoning is contrived but the emotion these scenes and songs evoke are real and very moving. No director mixes pop music, storytelling, and imagery as effectively as Cameron Crowe.
Cameron Crowe movies are known for romance, smart characters, and great music. Elizabethtown overflows with each of those elements but, unfortunately, Crowe cannot corral them all into one story. Each of the individual characters from Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst in the leads to Susan Surandon, Paul Schneider and Loudon Wainwright in supporting roles are all interesting characters but they are all parts of different movies. Bloom shares scenes with each of them and yet seemingly never at the same time.
The romance of Elizabethtown works in individual scenes such as Drew and Claire's all night phone session and the first night they make love and the aftermath the following morning. You definitely root for them to be together. But the movie is as much about this romance as it is about Drew's family, which is in a whole other film.
The family drama is a strong plot. Susan Surandon is exceptional in her one big scene at the memorial in which she does standup comedy, tap dances and reconnects with her extended family by opening up about how much she and they all loved her husband. Crowe does an excellent job of establishing the late Mitch Baylor as another member of the cast. Lovely sepia toned flashbacks of Drew with his father, perfectly aged photos and even the actor laying in the coffin with just the slightest hint of a smile that Drew dubs whimsical all serve to help the audience feel the loss.
The extended family and friends are an interesting collection. I really enjoyed Paul Schneider as Drew's cousin, a failed rock star with an out of control son and a difficult relationship with his father played by Loudon Wainwright. There was some lovingly detailed work in crafting Schneider and Wainwright's characters that are hinted at but the film does not have time to get too into that.
The film would work better if Claire had been as much a part of the family drama in Elizabethtown as she is the romance plot. Crowe never connects her to the family drama, which could have been done simply by making her a family friend from Elizabethtown and not some random stewardess. Put Claire in Elizabethtown, connect her to the family and maybe you can connect the two separate stories. Because she is outside of it the movie is disjointed and it never comes together.
For me, writing even a slightly negative review of a Cameron Crowe movie is torture, but it's undeniable. Aside from the awesome soundtrack, Elton John's "My Father's Gun" is my new favorite song by the way, Elizabethtown only works as a sketch of a good Cameron Crowe movie. A number of good scenes and good characters great music but not a great movie. Fans of Cameron Crowe will find a lot of specific things to love in Elizabethtown: scenes, characters, music. I would recommend it for them with the warning that they may be disappointed by the film as a whole.
Movie Review Irreversible
Irreversible (2002)
Directed Gaspar Noe
Written by Gaspar Noe
Starring Monica Bellucci, Vincent Cassell
Release Date May 22nd, 2002
Published February 7th, 2023.
Irreversible begins with the end credits moving backwards and immediately sets you into the disorientation you are going to experience as the story unfolds backwards. It's not just the credits moving backwards, or the words of the credits being inverted, it's Gaspar Noe's camera which moves not in the sense of being a fly on the wall but rather like a fly that never stops moving, looping, flying here and there up and down and upside down. It's legitimately headache inducing. It's intended to be.
This camera/fly will lead us back in time, back inside a nightclub called Rectum where a murder has just occurred. We've just seen to men removed from the club to an ambulance and accompanied by Police. We are about to learn why they are surrounded by cops as the two have them have just brutally beaten a man to death so violently that his head is basically gone. It's not just the camera though that is leaving us achy and disjointed, the soundtrack is a swirling vortex of sound rising and falling, loud and then quiet. It's a disquieting, swirling and painful hum.
I will give the soundtrack credit, as hard as it is to listen to, it causes the kind of tense anxiety that our main character, Vincent Cassell's Marcus, is feeling as he shoves his way through this sex club searching for the man who sexually assaulted and nearly murders Marcus' girlfriend, Alex (Monica Bellucci). Marcus is rage personified and the red lighting of the club seems to match the red-hot intensity of his burning, violent anger. Noe peppers the scene with scenes of hardcore gay sex that is nearly as disturbing as the violence that the scene is building to.
Sex and violence in the world of Gaspar Noe go hand in hand. A man who claims to know where Tenia, the man Marcus is looking for, can be found begs Marcus to Fist him in the ass, something that may in fact be pleasurable but carries with it a sense of something violent in the word fist, a part of the body far more often associated with punching, pounding or the breaking of facial bones. As the man points in the direction of someone who may be Tenia, more sexual violence is nearly enacted as Marcus finds himself in the position of being forcefully taken by this supposed Tenia.
That's when the murder occurs. Pierre (Albert Dupontel), Marcus's friend, and a man who also once loved Alex, steps in to rescue his friend. He does so by bashing the supposed Tenia with a fire extinguisher. Here, again, Noe's camera is as much an accomplice to the action as it is capturing the image. The movement of Noe's camera as Pierre proceeds to finish the job of bashing in this man's skull is stomach churning, nearly as much the sick, twisted, gross mess that is the man's face as Pierre's assault increases in violence.
What has led to this violence we will soon find. Again, Irreversible unfolds from the end to the beginning. We follow Marcus and Pierre through Marcus' single minded pursuit of Tenia, his intent is revenge and when we see what he is intending to avenge, we come to understand his feelings. Marcus' beloved, Alex (Monica Bellucci) is in a coma after having been sexually assaulted in a scene that has become infamous for its dedication to the true horror of rape.
I am going to use the word rape because that visceral description is more truthful. Calling this sexual assault is far too sanitary for what happens to Alex. Alex is raped. This man, Tenia, who we find is not the man that we've just seen Marcus and Pierre beat to death, is a vile, rotten, bit of scum. We see him first assaulting another woman in this underground tunnel. When Alex objects, Tenia turns to her and enacts a scene of gut wrenching, horrific sexual violence.
Whether you find this depiction of rape offensive or exploitative is purely subjective. I am not here to argue with you about that. If you are offended by this scene or find it to be exploitative of the crime of rape, I understand and respect your feelings. I can also identify with you in that, when I saw Irreversible following its controversial debut at the 2002 Cannes Film Festival, which made headlines for audiences walking out in droves during this scene, I also found the scene deeply offensive. I thought Gaspar Noe was a sick individual for committing such degradation to film.
20 plus years later, I've grown up a bit. I'm less of a hothead, less prone to a hot take. Watching Irreversible today, I found the scene horrifying but understandably so. Noe wants you, the audience, to confront fully what happened to Alex. The scene is unflinching and Noe's unmoving, unblinking camera, fully static for the first time in the film, on the ground at the same level as Belluci's Alex, forces us to identify with Alex, to feel her horror.
Noe has rightly pointed out that having the camera moving in this scene places you not in Alex's position but rather in the position of the man assaulting her. It changes the dynamic of the scene, it becomes more artificial and exploitative, as if the camera were searching for bits to show you that you could see if you were there looking around at what was happening. Holding the camera at floor level, keeping us fully in Alex's space, puts us fully at the mercy of the situation.
Find my full length essay at Geeks.Media.
Movie Review The Outwaters
The Outwaters (2023)
Directed by Robbie Banfitch
Written by Robbie Banfitch
Starring Robbie Banfitch, Angela Basolis, Scott Schamell
Release Date February 9th, 2023
Published February 8th, 2023
An opening series of cards tell us that a group of young people went missing on August 8th, 2017. We know this date because that was the date that one of these young people made a terrifying 911 call. Five years later, footage from memory cards found with a digital camera is found and that's what constitutes the entirety of The Outwaters, a found footage horror movie written and directed by and starring, Robbie Banfitch.
The Outwaters recalls shockers such as Cannibal Holocaust or Martyrs in its dedication to being stunning. It's truly a movie you cannot prepare yourself for. You think you are ready; you think you know how to handle grisly movies and then you watch The Outwaters and your faith in your experiences as a moviegoer are shaken. I'm someone who has watched and reviewed movies online and in podcast format for two decades. I've seen more than my share of shockers and The Outwaters still shook me.
I really don't know where to go with this review. The plot of the film is superfluous, intentionally so. It's a hanger, it's a prompt, a motivation used to plant four characters where they need to be in order to enact unimaginable horrors upon them. That's not a criticism, that's just the reality of what The Outwaters is. I find this film dreadfully effective even as I fully understand that there will be many who look at this film and can make no sense of it and dismiss it as exploitation or violent trash.
I understand where you are coming from if you come away from The Outwaters with that feeling. I was leaning that direction for much of the movie. I honestly couldn't make out much of the middle portion of the movie. There are flashes of light here and there, swaths of bright red blood spread across barren desert floor, and strange looking creates that crawl around the ground. That said, so much happens in the dark that I could not tell you if we are dealing with aliens, demons, or a drug crazed violent rampage.
The found footage aspect is not one that you should spend time lingering on as it raises too many unanswered questions. One that will plague the more logical filmgoers is who exactly was taking the time to change the memory card in the camera as all of the violent chaos is unfolding. Then again, you could ask of any found footage movie why people would keep a camera rolling while a horror movie plot is unfolding in their real life. Look, you're going to have to just go with it.
Find my full length review at Horror.Media
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