Movie Review The Descendants

The Descendants (2011) 

Directed by Alexander Payne 

Written by Alexander Payne 

Starring George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Beau Bridges, Judy Greer 

Release Date November 18th, 2011 

Published November 17th, 2011 

"The Descendants" is filled with glorious flaws. From the strangely clumsy exposition to the at times awkward voiceover narration to the occasionally intrusive score, the flaws are undeniable no matter how much you may like the movie. These and similar flaws are included in every film that writer-director Alexander Payne has made. Yet, we still consider him a genius as a filmmaker. Why? Because, every mistake, every imperfection of an Alexander Payne film is a reflection of the mistakes and imperfections of his oh so compelling characters.

George Clooney stars in "The Descendants" as Matt King. Matt's life is far from paradise; despite the fact that he owns a large stretch of what is undoubtedly considered paradise. Matt lives in Hawaii and while his opening narration is meant to convey the ugly side of Hawaii, what we will soon see, the stretch of land that Matt's family owns, is the side of the Big island that gives Hawaii it's reputation as paradise. Matt's personal life however, reflects the ugly side of things. Matt's wife is in a coma following a boating accident. This leaves Matt in charge of his youngest daughter, Scottie (Amara Miller) for the first time in years. It's not that Matt's a bad father he's just never been called upon to be a very good father.

Matt's oldest daughter, Alex (Shailene Woodley) is away at boarding school but with her mother's health failing Matt decides to bring her home; whether she wants to come home or not. Alex knows something that her father doesn't. It's the reason Alex has been acting out: Matt's wife was cheating on him. This revelation sets the story of "The Descendants" in motion as Matt and Alex form an unusual new bond over trying to find the man who his wife was sleeping with and considering leaving him for. The search leads to a trip to Matt's fabled track of land; which, in a strange twist has also drawn the attention of his wife's lover.

Running parallel to the cuckolding story is that of Matt and his family and Matt's decision about who to sell his family's land to or whether to sell it at all. The land issue gives "The Descendants" grounding in Hawaiian history that is surprisingly resonant and well founded. George Clooney's performance as Matt is phenomenal. While you will have to suspend belief that a woman would really leave Clooney for Matthew Lillard, Clooney sells the part with panache and a striking mix of drama and good humor. There is darkness to the humor of "The Descendants" that can be hard to take but Clooney is the best possible guide over the rough spots.

"The Descendants" is undoubtedly flawed but I've come to expect flaws from Alexander Payne. Alexander Payne's focus is on allowing his actors the space to create indelible characters that employ his words to the best comic or dramatic purpose. These characters, like Matt and Alex, are more often than not so wildly compelling that the flawed directions and moments of clumsiness fade away in their presence.

I was reminded often during "The Descendants" of Alexander Payne's "About Schmidt" starring Jack Nicholson. Like "The Descendants," "About Schmidt" employs an occasional voiceover that is at times a little too knowing and cute. The exposition of "About Schmidt" is heavy-handed in the same way it is in "The Descendants." And, as in "The Descendants," "About Schmidt" ends on an awkward yet peaceful beat. I love "About Schmidt." The flaws of that film are the flaws of the main character played by Jack Nicholson. Truly, "About Schmidt" would be less of a film without these flaws; without Alexander Payne's willingness to let his film be flawed in the same ways his characters are flawed.

The same can be said of "The Descendants" where the clumsy exposition reflects the clumsiness of Matt King as he approaches this strange and unfamiliar place in his life. George Clooney is brilliant at bringing Matt's problems to the surface with quiet dignity that gets punctured with strong comic effect. "The Descendants," warts and all, is a terrific film populated by compelling characters that carry the ability to make you laugh or cry. The imperfections are glaring but easy to forgive because these characters are so very compelling.

Movie Review The American

The American (2010) 

Directed by Anton Corbijn 

Written by Rowan Joffe 

Starring George Clooney, Violante Placido, Thekla Reuten 

Release Date September 1st, 2010 

Published August 30th, 2010 

Let's get this out of the way right off the bat, before I am accused of having a short attention span or lacking a classic or European or Asian movie education. I have been a critic for more than 10 years and my patience has been tested on more than one occasion. Over the years I have worked to expose myself to the works of Antonioni, Truffaut, Bergman, Renoir and many of the great masters of European cinema.

I have seen both American and Italian westerns and many classic samurai dramas. I have just the education and patience needed to assess the new George Clooney movie "The American" which takes its influences from these varying classic approaches. With that out of the way, influences aside, "The American" is a yawning, empty chasm of a movie. Boredom encapsulated in over 100 minutes of film stock.

George Clooney plays a man variously referred to as Jack, Edward and Mr. Butterfly. In a stunner of an opening sequence we watch him assassinate a pair of men trying to kill him and before this sequence is over we think we know all that we need to know about this dangerous and calculating killer. Unfortunately from there it's all downhill. In at attempt to evoke a meditative state director Anton Corbijn sucks the life out of this character and his star, advising Mr. Clooney, it would seem, to internalize his performance to a degree where inscrutability becomes incomprehensible stillness. 

Many will admire Clooney's restraint; I was left baffled as to what I was supposed to find fascinating about this character beyond his handsome face and seeming ability for violence. The approach is meant to be meditative, restrained and calm to a point of almost complete stillness, a style that Euro cinema goers have, in the past, admired but that Americans, like myself, find dull and ponderous. However, I don't chalk this up to some continental divide, rather; I am willing to bet that just as many European audiences will find "The American" as mind numbingly dull as I did.

By the second time we watch George Clooney assemble a gun meant for another assassin, played by actress Thekla Reuten, patience will have been tested to the breaking point by repeated scenes of Clooney driving, parking, the back of his head as he's lost in thought and a most tedious and ultimately meaningless conversations with an Italian priest (Paolo Bonacelli) that drags the already stagnating film to a complete halt.

The scenes featuring the priest could be lifted entirely from the film and not affect the plot in any fashion. It's not that the scenes are completely pointless, an assassin without an existential crisis is a villain and Clooney is not necessarily a villainous killer. The problem is that the Priest character is about as engaging as a brick wall. On top of that we don't really know what Clooney's motivations are or whether indeed, he has an existential crisis to explore. The character is so quiet and brooding that he becomes obtuse and incredibly boring. 

"The American" is at times a very good looking movie with gorgeous actresses often in states of undress and the handsome Mr. Clooney repeatedly seen working out sans shirt. The eroticism is good but like everything else it lacks energy beyond its mere presentation. The same goes for the Cinematography which is often striking but often quite distracting, rather than being impressive, the cinematography by Martin Ruhe overtakes many scenes. Italy is one of the most beautiful countries in the world and invites gorgeous visuals but because the rest of The American is so dull, the scenery becomes both an oasis and a distraction. 

Mistaking meditation for pacing and stony silence for style, "The American" is an inscrutable bore that pretends toward being a high class, Euro influenced, thriller. I am a huge fan of George Clooney but "The American" is not Clooney at his best but rather at his most affected and dull.

Movie Review Michael Clayton

Michael Clayton (2007) 

Directed by Tony Gilroy 

Written by Tony Gilroy 

Starring George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Tilda Swinton, Sidney Pollack 

Release Date September 24th, 2007 

Published September 23rd, 2007 

George Clooney has long been a movie star but I have never thought of him as much of a capital A Actor. That has changed however, thanks to his terrific performance in the flawed new thriller Michael Clayton. This John Grisham-eque legal thriller allows Clooney to flex those charismatic movie star muscles and dig into a character and give a heartfelt, conflicted and oh so believable performance.

The rich and the super-rich can sometimes find themselves in situations that even their lawyers can't get them out of. That is when they are turned over to Michael Clayton. He is 'the fixer', the guy who makes problems go away. So, when the New York law firm where Michael is in business, has a partner flip out in the middle of a deposition in an extremely important case, it's up to Michael Clayton to fix it.

The partner is Howard Eames (Tom Wilkinson) a longtime manic depressive who has gone off his meds. During a deposition in a case involving a high powered farm chemical company and a group of family farmers, Howard stripped naked and began telling one of the plaintiffs how much he loved her. Running naked through the streets, Howard claimed that the stench of his misdeeds in this case forced him to strip himself of his sins. Naturally, it falls to Michael Clayton to try and fix this situation. However, when he discovers that Howard may not be entirely nuts, Michael finds his own conscience being tested.

Michael Clayton is a flawed, near masterpiece of suspense and a story of redemption for a morally questionable character. Written and directed by Tony Gilroy, with a career best performance by George Clooney, Michael Clayton suffers slightly from being overlong, just over two hours, and with just a few too many of those convenient moments where characters perform unmotivated actions solely for the purpose of furthering the plot.

A few convenient moments however, cannot upend the mesmerizing performance of George Clooney on who's work alone Michael Clayton is a must see. Clooney has always been a "movie star" but in Michael Clayton he is an actor and he delivers a tough, vulnerable character at the end of his rope. Self loathing replacing his usual confidence, Clooney's Clayton isn't quite down on his luck but he's on his way. Clooney nails both Clayton's desperation and his attempt at redemption.

One of the things I found interesting but mostly unsatisfying about Michael Clayton was the odd bit of optimism in the story. The film is about an evil corporation that will do anything to anyone in order to hide their misdeeds and the crusading lawyer who goes to any length to punish them. Though people are murdered and others are threatened the film tries to have it both ways in terms of cynical corporate misdeeds and the optimistic idea of how that evil is punished. Myself, I would have preferred an equally cynical solution to such cynical action. As it is, it works well enough, especially because of the way Clooney carries it all off, but a darker more malevolent solution might have played stronger.

Another quibble I have with Michael Clayton is a little too much tell and not enough show. We are told that Michael is a fixer for rich clients in a bind. The description conjures images of backroom deals, payoffs, and shady characters. And yet, we never actually see Michael in action. We are told how good he is, how he can slither out of any situation but that's it, we are just told. What we see is Michael lamenting his place in the world but without the example of why he so laments and it's less effective.

All of that said, Michael Clayton is solidly entertaining despite its flaws. George Clooney has never been this good. His movie star-ness in check, Clooney shows the kind of talent that people have underestimated throughout his career. Tough but vulnerable, charismatic without being overwhelming, Clooney is mesmerizing in a role that should earn him an Oscar nomination. On Clooney's performance alone Michael Clayton is worth the price of admission.

Movie Review: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002) 

Directed by George Clooney 

Written by Charlie Kaufman 

Starring Sam Rockwell, George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Drew Barrymore, Rutger Hauer

Release Date December 31st, 2002 

Published January 5th, 2002 

You wanna know what my favorite part of the Gong Show was? Keep in mind I was too young to see the show when it originally aired. I watched reruns of the show on cable as a kid. I loved watching these B-list celebrities like Jamie Farr or Joanne Worley stare incredulously at some backwater hick blowing on comb to the tune of Oh Susanna. Then as the humorousness of how surreal the act was began to fade and they slowly raised from their seats reared back their drumsticks and banged that Gong. They would always take their time, they would look at each other to decide who was going to gong the act first before finally relieving the pain of the audience by banging away as hard as they could on that big metal gong.

At this point, Chuck Barris would stumble in from stage left and ask derisively why they would gong such an incredible act. Other than his ridiculous hats and sometimes witty one liners, I never gave Chuck Barris much thought. After seeing the film of his supposed life story, Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, I wish I would have looked at a little closer at those reruns for a hint of the guy whose life, at least as it is in this film, was so fascinating.

Sam Rockwell, best known for his bad guy role in the Charlie's Angels movie, plays Chuck Barris as a a real creep who's idea of dating is trying to kiss a girl in a movie theater while showing her his dick. A real charmer. The main interests of a young Chuck Barris were blowjobs and bar fights but eventually he settles for a career in television. Beginning in New York City as an NBC page, Barris decides to apply for a management-training course so he can impress a fellow page that he wants to score with. And he does. However neither the relationship or the job at NBC last very long.

Barris moves on to Philadelphia where he takes a job as assistant producer on Dick Clark's "American Bandstand." It's Barris' job to keep an eye on Clark to make sure he isn't accepting money to play certain records, a crime known as payola. Of course Barris could care less what Clark is doing, he just wants to get laid. Eventually he falls into bed with another Clark staffer played in cameo by Maggie Gyllenhaal. It is then that Barris meets his future wife, Honey played by Drew Barrymore. The relationship isn't much more than sex at first but it is Honey that inspires Barris' first endeavor into the game show arena with "The Dating Game."

Meanwhile, as Barris is breaking into television, he also has another life as a hired assassin for the CIA. Recruited by a man named Bird (George Clooney), Barris was sought by the CIA because he supposedly fit the profile of a killer. Barris had a penchant for random violence and was a loner with few real attachments, traits apparently prized by the CIA. As the film progresses, we see Barris reinvent afternoon television with "The Dating Game" and then "The Newlywed Game," we also see him use those shows as cover to fly around the world killing people. With the help of a sexy vixen and fellow assassin played by Julia Roberts and quasi-insane German played by Rutger Hauer, Barris claims that he killed 33 people.

I don't believe that at all.

None of Barris' fantastical stories, as adapted for the screen by the brilliant Charlie Kaufman, has a ring of truth. Each of his supposed escapades have the tawdriness of a guy who has always been able to tell a good lie. Don't get me wrong, these are some very entertaining stores, but they have a mythical feel. Watching Confessions and knowing Charlie Kaufman adapted the screenplay, I flashed back to Kaufman's script for Adaptation which was also a fantastic piece of mythology. Both films are a unique mixture of reality and fiction and the blurred lines in Confessions are just tantalizing enough to make you change your perception of Chuck Barris from weirdo creep game show host to hip Elmore Leonard-esque character.

George Clooney, making his debut behind the camera, shows just the right mixture of sure handed technician and experimental newbie. He never shows the nerves of a first time director. Clooney appears to have a clear vision of what he wanted to film and then toyed with the processes along the way. Mixing actual interviews with Barris' friends and colleagues with different film stocks and unique camera placements, Clooney directs like a kid with a new toy to play with and his excitement comes through the screen.

Confessions of A Dangerous Mind is an exciting, flashy and funny film. It's an excellent debut for Clooney behind the camera, and a mindbender for those of us who only knew Chuck Barris as the guy in the funny hats. It's unlikely to convince you that the host of The Gong Show was also an assassin for the CIA but it's not really trying to convince you of that. Rather, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind is about a director and a writer each toying with the idea of how to tell a story. From that perspective, it's a pretty terrific movie. 

Movie Review: Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading (2008) 

Directed by The Coen Brothers 

Written by The Coen Brothers 

Starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, Richard Jenkins 

Release Date September 12th, 2008 

Published September 11th, 2008 

As a way of cleaning the fictional blood off their hands, Joel and Ethan Coen followed their Oscar nominated, blood-soaked masterpiece Fargo with the brilliant, offbeat comedy The Big Lebowski, a movie so wonderfully fun and gentle it could heal even the darkest mind. This same pattern plays out for the Coen's again with the back to back, triumph of opposites, No Country For Old Men and Burn After Reading. After going dark and broody, for an Oscar win, the Coen's did another 180 and deliver arguably their silliest, giddiest effort to date.

In Washington D.C a CIA analyst, Osbourne Cox (John Malkovich), has just been fired. In a fit of pique he tells his wife Katie (Tilda Swinton) he wasn't fired he quit. Osbourne plans on writing his memoirs, though his wife wonders, to his face, who would want to read that? Naturally, the wife is cheating on him. She is cheating with someone sunnier and far less complicated, a doofus federal marshal named Harry (George Clooney) who likes to jog after sex.

On a different planet yet somehow the same movie are Linda (Frances McDormand) and Chad (Brad Pitt). Best friends and employees of the same cookie cutter franchise gym, Linda is desperate for plastic surgery that is beyond both her means and necessity and Chad is basically along for the ride, his good nature being all that bonds him to the story.

Banging these two universes together is the discovery of a computer disc at the gym that contains Osbourne's memoirs filled with CIA secrets that Linda and Chad believe will be worth money to Cox and if not Cox maybe the Russians. Watching everything in permanent apoplexy are the CIA brass played by David Rasche and J.K Simmons who manages to bring his dad from Juno and his Spider-Man newspaper boss together for another brilliant supporting turn.

The bonds of these characters deepen in ways that are entirely contrived but who cares when we are all having such a good time. Joel and Ethan Coen establish a tone of such wonderful goofball whimsy in Burn After Reading that one forgets to fact check the movie as it goes along to make sure everything makes sense.

I have a theory about the Coen Brothers and George Clooney. After three movies together in which Clooney has become more and more of a doofus, it's clear the Coen's enjoy taking one of the world's handsomest actors and making him a fool. Like the kids picked on in High School taking their psychic revenge on the most popular kid in school, the Coen's appear to revel in making Clooney the fool and he appears to be having a ball doing it. 

The Coens make similar magic with Brad Pitt, taking another of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive and turning him into a himbo doofus to wonderful comic effect. Brad Pitt is hilarious as an airhead who has no awareness of his own ludicrous attractiveness. There is a subtext to the way the Coen's use both Clooney and Pitt, cleverly twisting the cool, charismatic personas of both actors into something wild, strange and hilarious all at once. 

Burn After Reading is a good natured, if occasionally dark and violent, little comedy. The Coen's can't seem to escape a slight body count and yet they still manage to keep things on a ludicrously, deliriously bright and funny tone. Burn After Reading has some faulty bits of logic and a couple of plot holes and contrivances that would come to light under more scrutiny but who cares. The point of Burn After Reading is just being hilarious. 

The Coen Brothers do such a terrific job of distracting us with goofiness and good nature that we forget the plot, the motivations, even the surprising amount of violence. The film is R-rated for violence and for something that Clooney's character builds that will either make you gasp or laugh uncontrollably. Either way, that scene alone with a smiling Clooney and a curious McDormand is worth the price of admission. 

Movie Review: Up in the Air

Up in the Air (2009) 

Directed by Jason Reitman 

Written by Jason Reitman 

Starring George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, Jason Bateman, Danny McBride 

Release Date December 4th, 2009 

Published December 3rd, 2009 

It's a horrifying idea but I am told it is real. Companies actually do hire people to fire employees for them. It's bad enough losing your job but to have the people you have given your hard work and dedication to for however many years hand you off to someone else for the worst moment of your career is a disgusting thought. It's just the kind of cowardly and dehumanizing effect of modern capitalism that turns my stomach. 

George Clooney gives life to one of these workplace specters of career death in a snappy suit, a  and a pamphlet for a sickle. He's the villain of this story in many ways but by drilling down on this character, we don't find a villain but a lonely, sad result of what soulless capitalist pursuits can do to a human soul. George Clooney delivers the best performance of his career under the direction of Jason Reitman in Up in the Air. 

In “Up in the Air” George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a man who takes pride in spending some 330 days of the year traveling. He has a semblance of a home, a tidy bachelor hovel in Omaha, near the corporate headquarters of the company he works for but rarely sees. It is Ryan's job to fly into cities across the country, visit some no name corporate outlet and do the boss's dirty work - firing people. He and the company have some cruel euphemism for firing but it's a firing and it's as ugly as you imagine. 

Ryan is very good at his job, occasionally he's actually soothing which, given the circumstance, is rather impressive. Ryan doesn't love his job, though when asked to he can romanticize and defend it. What he truly loves is the travel which allows him the comfort he's never found at home. In passing relations with fellow travelers and the faux kindness of the service industry professionals he encounters Ryan finds the kinds of relationship he's never achieved with just one person. Simple relationships unencumbered by emotion or instability.

Naturally, all of Ryan's notions are soon challenged. The first challenge is personal as, while on a layover in some airline lounge, he strikes up a conversation with Alex (Vera Farmiga) over her choice of Blackberry. The conversation soon turns to travel, rental cars, hotel upgrades and all of the things both truly cherish. He tells her he has a goal for airline miles but refuses to tell her what it is. That, for Ryan, is too personal.

The second challenge is professional and arrives in the form of Natalie (Anna Kendrick), an up-and-comer from the home office in Omaha who has a plan that will take Ryan off the road and strand him in Nebraska. She wants to fire people over a computer link up and the honchos, led by a less than convincing Jason Bateman, are ready to back the idea. In defending his way of doing things Ryan inadvertently ends up with Natalie as his protégé and traveling partner as he teaches her how to do his job.

Jason Reitman and  co-screenwriter Sheldon Turner tell a two track story in Up in the Air that coalesces into one spectacular series of scenes that includes gate-crashing a computer convention and an appearance by rapper Young MC. These scenes show Ryan and Alex falling in love while young Natalie unwittingly challenges each of their notions about who they are and why they are attracted to one another. This happens as she mourns the loss of the only relationship she has known in her own life. 

Of course, the scenes that will strike a chord with 2009 audiences are scenes featuring real people who went through the pain of being fired during the bailout crisis and recession of this late portion of the decade. Director Jason Reitman hired real people who had lost their jobs to take part in these scenes and the pain in their voices as they talk about the loss of their jobs is exceptionally powerful.

The firing sessions give the film weight and allow the romance to blossom around them in unexpected ways. Scenes with actors Zach Galifianakis and Reitman favorite J.K Simmons provide the visual link between the film world and the real world. Without Galifianakis and Simmons, among others, the transition between the real world of these awful firings to the film world's comedy and romance would be too jarring. It’s among many smart choices in this terrifically smart film.

In the end, “Up in the Air” is a film about connections - literal and figurative. The unique ways in which Ryan Bingham’s personal and professional lives connect are at the heart of a film that may not strive to define the last decade of American culture but in many ways does. From our current economic uncertainty, to our ever more casual sexuality, to our changing attitude about infidelities and modern obsessions with gadgetry, “Up in the Air” offers a modest comment on each and does so with style, wit, a little romance and never feels arrogant or overblown doing it.

Writer George Will flippantly called “Up in the Air” ‘Grapes of Wrath for the service industry.’ He’s not entirely wrong. Where that book and film defined a movement toward social justice coming out of the Great Depression, inside the romance of “Up in the Air” is an inkling of a cry for a just truce between greedy corporate titans and the humans they refer to as resources. It is only an inkling; this is still a modern, big star, Hollywood production, just one with a big beating heart for those who are struggling.

Movie Review 10,000 B.C

10,000 B.C 

Directed by Roland Emmerich 

Written by Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser 

Starring Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis 

Release Date March 7th, 2008 

Published March 6th, 2008 

Director Roland Emmerich has a track record that only Uwe Boll might envy. Based on the success of his one, Will Smith aided, success, Independence Day, Emmerich has been handed massive budget followed by massive budget to make one awful movie after another. There was Mel Gibson's jingoistic yay America, faux history actioner, The Patriot. Then Emmerich assassinated the legendary cheeseball Japanese monster Godzilla. Then he made a joke of environmental science with the mind numbingly awful The Day After Tomorrow. Now Emmerich is denigrating the stone age with his Flintstones-esque 10,000 B.C. I take that back, The Flintstones has more historical integrity than anything with Roland Emmerich's name on it.

Steven Strait, the vacant eyed, model cheekboned star of The Covenant takes the lead role in 10,000 B.C as D'leh. After his father deserted the tribe to chase the hunt, D'Leh became an outcast. Raised by dad's best friend Tic'Tic (Cliff Curtis), D'Leh lived to live down his father's shame. Thus when given the chance to hunt the massive wooly mammoth he risks his life to be the one to take down the beast. Secondary to overcoming his shame is winning the hand of the fair, blue eyed, Evolet (Camilla Bell), a transplant from another tribe that was overrun by four legged demons.

Those 4 legged demons are actually another tribe; smarter and more vicious than our heroes. They have horses. This evil tribe overruns other tribes, takes the men hostage and uses them to build temples to their pagan gods. When the four legged demons come to D'Leh's camp they kill men, women and children and take as many hostages as possible. A rare few survive and escape including D'Leh and his mentor Tic'Tic. Now they must hunt the hunters and free their people so that D'Leh can reclaim his girl, she was taken hostage, and become the leader of his tribe.

That is the plot in a linear, logical sense, and it's not bad in description. Unfortunately, as executed by Roland Emmerich and his apparently amateur effects team, 10,000 B.C plays alternately like the worst of Mystery Science Theater schlock or a bad Saturday Night Live skit. A scene early in the film where D'Leh and company hunt wooly mammoths literally features scenes of actors obviously running in place in front of a green screen. Later, the masses of extras building temples for the bad guys comes off as stolen stock footage of Liz Taylor's Cleopatra.

Then there is our star Steven Strait. Anyone who saw his work in the indie music drama Undiscovered, the film best known for the acting debut of Ashlee Simpson, knows that vacant stare and empty good looks. This ex-model leads a cast of gap ad ready cavemen into battle against what can only be described as the cast of the Arabic Project Runway. The bad guys, aside from a couple of toughs who lead the human hunting party, are an effete, pageantry loving people who mince like Rip Taylor in the New York City St. Patrick's Day Parade. Why? Who knows why? But they do.

In a career of really bad movies, Roland Emmerich has finally hit his career low. If he can make a movie more ludicrous and amateurish, I hope we never see it. 10,000 B.C is a brutal, mind numbing, unintentionally humorous trip back in time.