Movie Review The Darjeeling Limited

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 

Directed by Wes Anderson 

Written by Wes Anderson 

Starring Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody, Angelica Huston, Natalie Portman 

Release Date October 26th, 2007 

Published October 25th, 2007 

Director Wes Anderson is spinning his wheels. Seemingly unable to make a movie with a point after the funny, insightful Rushmore and the quirky Royal Tenenbaums, Anderson's The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou and now The Darjeeling Limited are masturbatory exercises in style and precociousness. Their saving grace is good natured humor but that doesn't make them any less shallow.

Admit it Wes fans; we were expecting something more here.

The Darjeeling Limited is the name of a fictional train route through a few small villages in India. On this train three American brothers, Francis (Owen Wilson), Peter (Adrian Brody) and Jack (Jason Schwartzman), have gathered for a spiritual journey. Peter and Jack are under the impression that Francis, the oldest of the three, has brought them together to reconnect as brothers. In reality, Francis is leading them to a remote convent where their mother (Angelica Huston) has taken up residence.

The trip to see mom is the framing device for a series of revelatory moments for each of the brothers who slowly reveal their secrets to each other and come to terms with why they haven't spent much time together since their fathers death and an incident on the day of his funeral that sent them in different directions.

Director Wes Anderson seems to be stuck in a rut. After Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums he seemed destined for great things. In two consecutive features since; Anderson is caught up being overly precious and even cute in the way he toys with dialogue and with visuals. Some could fairly describe him as dicking around hoping to stumble on something insightful. He rarely finds anything in The Darjeeling Limited.

Arguably the most notable aspect of The Darjeeling Limited are the disturbing real life imitates art scenes with Owen Wilson. Just before Darjeeling was leaving the station, Wilson attempted to take his own life. The same thing happens to his character in the film who survived his own attempt at suicide. It's not Wes Anderson or the film's fault that such a coincidence happened but it does cast a pall over the otherwise good natured proceedings.

The true subject of The Darjeeling Limited may be a distinct sense of ennui. These characters are bored and so is Wes Anderson. In fact, so are we in the audience. Jason Schwartzman's Jack is plagued with ennui as evidenced in the short feature, Hotel Chevalier, that precedes The Darjeeling Limited. In this brief backstory we see Jack with, presumably, his girlfriend played by Natalie Portman. The two go through the motions of familiar interaction but the sense that they bother each other in order to stave off boredom is quite clear.

Adrien Brody's Peter deals with ennui by stealing or 'borrowing' his brother's and late father's things. His boredom isn't as plagung as Jack's and is also far less interesting. On the bright side, oldest brother Francis may have dealt with his ennui by attempting suicide, so the stealing is at least somewhat healthy by comparison. It's all very European and arty to make movies about characters who are disaffected, bored and longing but often in Europe those feelings are the run up to some kind of breakthrough or revelation.

In The Darjeeling Limited we get a cheap homage to revelation. The ending features the kind of ironic distance that was very much in style in the late nineties when hipsters had an allergic reaction to anything remotely earnest. This is not to say that The Darjeeling Limited isn't well crafted and oddly fascinating. It's just, for me personally, watching an artist drown in his own self satisfying disaffection is kind of boring.

Movie Review No Strings Attached

No Strings Attached (2011) 

Directed by Ivan Reitman 

Written by Elizabeth Meriweather 

Starring Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Cary Elwes, Kevin Kline 

Release Date January 21st, 2011 

Published January 20th, 2011 

It's becoming a modern movie affliction; movies that are more ideas than movies. "The Dilemma" is a good example: How do you tell your best friend that his wife is cheating on him? Good idea but that was all anyone seemed to come up with and the film flailed about hoping the cast would find something funny to do. More often than not, the cast never found anything.

"No Strings Attached" is another example of this affliction. The idea is simple: Can two people have a sexual relationship without feelings getting in the way? And, much like "The Dilemma," no one really thought of anything more beyond that idea and thus stranded a charming cast, lead by Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher, in a plotless mess where only occasionally does someone find something funny to say.

Adam and Emma met briefly in Summer Camp as teenagers when an awkwardly distant Emma attempted to comfort a sad Adam and he offered a clumsy teenage come on. They met again in College at a frat party when Emma asked Adam to a family function that turned out to be a funeral. You know how you invite strangers on dates to funerals, so funny. And they met again one year later at a random farmer's market where Adam got Emma's phone number right in front of his girlfriend, because our main character is a total jerk. 

Much would seem to stand in the way of these two bad-timing having folks getting together but when Adam gets blitzed after his girlfriend leaves him for his TV star father (Kevin Kline, in a shocking cameo) he ends up naked on Emma's couch and eventually in her bed. Emma is now a medical resident working ungodly hours in order to become a doctor; she has little time for a relationship. What she does have time for however is hook ups and booty calls and lots of them. Yes, Adam is given what we are to believe is the dream relationship for all emotionally stunted men 'Sex Buddies.'

So why is Adam so miserable? It turns out, in what would be an interesting twist in a better and far more thoughtful and unique film, Adam is not the typical immature boy-man that he might seem. Too bad he has fallen for an emotionally walled off nut case that could only exist in the pages of an under-written romantic comedy.

The eminent critic Mick Lasalle of the San Francisco Chronicle made an interesting point about Ashton Kutcher and his movies. To paraphrase Lasalle: Ashton Kutcher's been in a number of bad movies but he's never been all that bad in those movies. Indeed, Kutcher is an appealing screen presence who delivers more than what is on the page to his characters. He just chooses some truly horrible movies.

"No Strings Attached" is a pretty horrible movie in which Ashton Kutcher is, as usual, not that bad in. Ashton gives the character charm and a soulful, puppy dog quality. The problem is that the rest of the film is such a shambles. Director Ivan Reitman and writers Elizabeth Meriwether and Michael Samonek seem to have an idea for a movie but fail to deliver characters whose motivations from scene to scene are consistent and instead they rely on hit and miss sitcom jokes that hang off of the film's premise.

Poor Natalie Portman is the biggest victim of the hit and miss style of "No Strings Attached." Portman's Emma is called upon to be an emotional disaster reeling from one motivation to the next at the whim of whatever comic notion struck director Ivan Reitman in the moment.

At one moment Reitman finds it funny for Emma to invite a strange man on a date to a family funeral. In the next she's giving her phone number to a guy in front of his girlfriend. In the next she seeks a purely sexual relationship. Then she gets drunk and jealous. Then she tells him to sleep with other women and then she's jealous again. Each time Emma is led to look like a fool because no one bothered to give her a back-story that might lend context to her oddball behavior.

Making matters worse in "No Strings Attached" is a sensational supporting cast that drowns in the wake of the creators’ lack of any clue what to do with them. Kevin Kline as Adam's father is a heedless hedonist whose love of drugs and sex is supposedly funny because he's old. That's the joke, he's old. I imagine that Reitman thought hiring Kevin Kline was all that he needed to make this character work and that's not an unreasonable notion, but even Kline's charm can't get around how misbegotten Reitman's direction of No Strings Attached is. 

Lake Bell plays Adam's co-worker who clearly has a crush on him. Here, the film adds a strange sort of cruelty as nice guy Adam is asked to flirt with Bell's Lucy while pining for crazy Emma. If Lucy were a bigger nutcase than Emma or maybe just mean in some way then his behavior toward her might be excusable. Instead, Lucy and Adam have an uncomfortable and brief courtship before she is shuffled off into another character's jockey send off. 

The brilliant Greta Gerwig from “Greenberg” is wasted in the role of Emma's best friend, sweetly paired off with Adam's best friend Eli (Jake M. Johnson) in one of the film's many thrown away plots. And The Office star Mindy Kaling is brought in to deliver a few tart one liners that sound as if she wrote them herself. Kaling's character exists only for one-liners and to her credit they are the funniest moments in the film. 

There are parts as well for rapper Ludacris, Cary Elwes, and Juno's best pal Olivia Thirlby but nothing really of note. It seems at times that everyone in the cast was hired to inhabit a type and then jokes were written to play off of that type and then everything was cut together with fingers crossed that something coherent would emerge. 

Sadly, nothing coherent does emerge from No Strings Attached aside from a continuing sense that Ashton Kutcher has talent and really poor taste in material. Like us, Kutcher saw the potential of the idea of No Strings Attached but like the rest of the cast he is left hanging by a creative team that failed to develop anything beyond a premise and a couple of good one liners.

One last note, some Oscar pundits have wondered aloud if No Strings Attached were bad enough to be Natalie Portman’s “Norbit,” i.e the film that some believe sunk Eddie Murphy’s chances of winning Best Supporting Actor for his excellent turn in “Dreamgirls.” The answer is a simple no: “No Strings Attached” is not as bad as “Norbit.” Indeed, few movies have ever been as bad as “Norbit.”

Movie Review My Blueberry Nights

My Blueberry Nights (2008) 

Directed by Wong Kar Wai 

Written by Wong Kar Wai, Lawrence Block 

Starring Norah Jones, Jude Law, David Strathairn, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman 

Release Date April 4th, 2008 

Published April 4th, 2008 

Wong Kar Wai is a wonderful artist whose 2046 is a masterwork of sex and cinema. Few people saw that subtitled, Cannes festival honoree mostly because it was subtitled and a hit at Cannes. The fact is, most Americans are turned off by foreign films. Can you name the last foreign film to hit at the American box office? Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? Sure. Can you name another?

Didn't think so.

With popularity in America as his goal, Wong Kar Wai has now brought his ethereal style to our shores and despite the change in geography, once again no one noticed. My Blueberry Nights has a cast featuring Jude Law, Natalie Portman and pop star Norah Jones and even that can't bring in audiences.

Pop sensation Norah Jones is the central character in the odd, slightly charming, My Blueberry Nights. As Lizzie, Jones plays a disillusioned romantic who drops her boyfriend's keys off at his favorite pie shop. This is a popular idea as the owner, Jeremy (Jude Law) has a bucket full of keys, each with their own story of love gone wrong.

Lizzie returns to the pie shop night after night to see if the ex has picked up his keys and to hear stories of lost love from Jeremy who remembers the story of each set of keys. However, before you get the idea that this is about the keys, Lizzie is off on her own adventures leaving Jeremy to his sad little blueberry pies that only she ever ate.

First Lizzie goes down south where she works at a bar. One of her regulars is Arnie (David Straithairn), a cop whose wife has left him. He drinks almost non-stop and the bar owner (Frankie Faison) lets him run a tab that seems to have stretched for years. The ex-wife, Sue (Rachel Wiesz), isn't entirely out of the picture. Parading her new, younger man around the bar and showing up at random moments, she is undoubtedly the source of his drinking. I'll leave you to discover what happens here.

Soon Lizzie is back on the road and arriving in Reno. There she hooks up with a troubled young gambler named Leslie (Natalie Portman). Lizzie loans Leslie all of her money and when she loses everything, she gives Lizzie her car in exchange for a ride to Vegas. There Lizzie is drawn into Leslie's drama with her gambler father. Meanwhile back in New York, Jeremy has been calling all over the south trying to find Lizzie. In their short time together he has fallen in love with her and he desperately hopes to reconnect.

My Blueberry Nights is filmed by Wong Kar Wai through this filter of ethereal dust. Every scene glows with a dreamlike sheen. This would be interesting if it affected the way you perceived Lizzie's journey. However, since Lizzie's journey is so inconsequential the film style doesn't really matter. Indeed Lizzie's journey's have little more to them that what I described.

It all looks really unique but who cares.

It's difficult for me to be so harsh about a movie from Wong Kar Wai but really, WTF? Lizzie travels from place to place, little happens and she is off to the next journey. The stories are ostensibly about love and loss but watching Lizzie react to these happenings is like staring at a brick wall. In her acting debut, Norah Jones shows a talent for being beautiful and little else.

Her Lizzie is our conduit for these stories of love and loss and yet she never really seems to learn any lessons along the way. Here you have a movie with Rachel Weisz and Natalie Portman, two actresses who could have knocked out this role in their sleep and left you weeping, and Wong Kar Wai chooses Jones who's inscrutable expression seems to never change even as the world around her is shouting out its message.

Despite the troubles of lead Norah Jones, My Blueberry Nights has a charm and sweetness to it that is undeniable. Wong Kar Wai is far too talented for this film to become an outright trainwreck. It's just a shame that with a pair of actresses like Ms. Portman and Ms. Weisz at his disposal, Wong Kar Wai chose an overwhelmed first time actress. The role of Lizzie needed the skill and finesse of a veteran to teach it's valuable, if quite familiar lesson, about living for the romantic moment.

Movie Review Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007) 

Directed by Zach Helm 

Written by Zach Helm

Starring Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Jason Bateman 

Release Date November 16th, 2007

Published November 15th, 2007 

Writer-director Zach Helm has a masterpiece in his future. A guy with this kind of imagination can't help but find greatness. Helm started his career with the inventive script for Marc Forster's Stranger Than Fiction, a film about a man whose life is narrated and manipulated by a novelist. Now he has moved on to his first directing gig and crafted the brightly imaginative kids flick Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

Just the kind of film that one would assume was adapted from a kids book, it has that much imaginative detail, Mr. Magorium is entirely the creation of Zach Helm. He was inspired by his time working in a toy store before Hollywood came calling. Assembling a top notch cast, including Stranger Than Fiction co-star Dustin Hoffman and the ethereal Natalie Portman, Helm creates a flawed but good natured family flick without the saccharine taste often attributed to the genre.

Mr. Magorium (Dustin Hoffman) has run his magical toy shop for more than 150 years, by his own count. He has made toys for Napoleon, Lincoln and any number of famous historical figures in his lifetime. Now however, it is time for his career to come to an end and indeed his time on this earth. No, Mr. Magorium is neither sick nor suicidal, it's just his time to go.

Before he leaves however, Magorium wants to make sure that his magic toy store is well taken care of. Ever since she was a young piano prodigy to the time she became manager of the toy shop, Molly Mahoney Natalie Portman) has been unknowingly groomed to take over the store. Now that Mr. Magorium is leaving he wants her to have the store.

Molly has never had a moment's doubt about the magic of the store but her failure to write a grand piano concerto after years of being a prodigy have left her with no belief in the magic within herself. Thus why she refuses to accept Mr. Magorium's offer of the store, and she is especially not ready for him to leave. Meanwhile Magorium hires an accountant, Henry (Jason Bateman) to look into the store's finances and discover the magic himself.

The whole thing about finding the magic within which is quite a cheeseball idea and yet it somehow works. Admittedly I almost choked on the line 'finding the magic within herself'. Nevertheless, that is the point of the film and that is not a bad aim for a kids flick. So many modern kids' flicks can barely claim to have such good intentions, often sacrificing good intentions in favor of loud noise and bright colors. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is not short on bright colors. Thankfully, writer-director Zach Helm has the good sense not to forget to tell a good story as he dazzles us with color and the magic of the toy shop.

Dustin Hoffman is no doubt channeling a bit of Willy Wonka in his Mr. Magorium. In fact, it's just the combination of Gene Wilder's sneaky, smarmy Wonka and Johnny Depp's wackjob, childlike Wonka. The combination works to make Mr. Magorium a terrifically funny and unique character like a grownup Pee Wee Herman.

Natalie Portman's pixie-ish beauty is the perfect casting for Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium even if her performance has a few off notes. Ms. Portman is always a joy to watch but as written her character is the roadblock that keeps Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium from taking off as a truly great movie. As written Mahoney doesn't want to own the magical toy store but it is a struggle for Portman herself to make this feel true.

As cheery and fun as she is and the way she lights up at the magic all around her, it is nearly impossible to believe that she wouldn't jump at the chance to own her own magical toy shop. She seems born to the job. Thus, the film flounders as it tries to keep Mahoney from her destiny and we must wade through a few to many scenes of her doubts and realizations.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is the kind of family entertainment you won't mind the kids picking up on DVD or catching on cable on a Saturday afternoon. It's harmless and playful and full of imagination and color. That's more than you can say about a number of the so-called 'family movies' we've seen in the past few years. I'm looking at you Cheaper By The Dozen and Are We There Yet.

Director Zach Helm has a masterpiece in his future and based on the wildly imaginative Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, it ought to be quite eye-catching.

Movie Review: Black Swan

Black Swan (2010)

Directed by Darren Aronofsky 

Written by Mark Heyman

Starring Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassell, Barbara Hershey, Winona Ryder

Release Date December 3rd, 2010

Published December 2nd, 2010  

Cause this is f.....d up, f....d up.." Thom Yorke "Black Swan" The Eraser 2006.

Thom Yorke unknowingly encapsulated Darren Aronofsky's “Black Swan” in his song Black Swan back in 2006. Indeed, “Black Swan” the movie is 'F....d up.' The story of a prima ballerina in New York City who gets her big break as the lead in the legendary "Swan Lake."

“Black Swan” is extreme melodrama of a kind that only Darren Aronofsky can create and features a second to none, tour de force performance from Natalie Portman that bears comparison with De Niro's method take on Jake Lamotta in “Raging Bull.”

In “Black Swan” Natalie Portman stars as Nina Sayers an overgrown child with dreams of being the featured performer at the New York City Ballet. Living at home with her codependent mom (Barbara Hershey) whose own failure to rise beyond the corps in the same company years earlier has driven much of Nina's own career. If having her mother trying to live vicariously through her isn't troubling enough, Nina is also a cutter who has apparently started cutting again as we join the story; her mother discovers a scratch on Nina's back as she dresses her.

Arriving at Lincoln Center for the beginning of rehearsals for a new season Nina finds that the company's lead ballerina, Beth (Winona Ryder) is being forced out and that Thomas (Vincent Cassell) will mount a newly re-imagined version of Swan Lake with a new lead dancer. Complicating matters for Nina is the arrival of a new, free spirited dancer from the west coast, Lily (Mila Kunis), who Thomas has apparently recruited specifically to join this production.

The plot unfolds as one might expect as Nina finds herself in competition with Lily and constantly concerned that the newcomer is attempting to undermine her. What is not predictable is the ways in which director Darren Aronofsky and cinematographer Matthew Libatique turn up the heat on these proceedings and juice “Black Swan” from slight, goofy melodrama into an over the top camp melodrama that combines exploitation films with high minded art films like we've never seen before.

Natalie Portman spent months training to become a ballet professional losing more than 25 pounds from her already slight frame and allegedly breaking both ribs and toes in the process. I will put what Ms. Portman did up against the physical commitment of any actor in just about any role; her commitment here is remarkable and the performance is devastating as a result.

In previous roles Ms. Portman has played vulnerable but in “Black Swan” she takes on a frightful level of frailty. Looking as if a stiff breeze could take her away and speaking with the quivering voice of a small child, Ms. Portman portrays a fragility that is both physical and emotional. As Nina descends the depths of “Black Swan” Ms. Portman's delicate performance acquires bizarre new levels and by the end you are so fascinated by her that “Black Swan's” many artistic flights slip past almost unnoticed.

The extraordinary look of “Black Swan” is achieved with a combination of hand held digital and an extraordinarily small 16 millimeter film camera with minimal movie lighting that gives an intimate, almost claustrophobic effect in scenes set in Nina’s tiny apartment and an elegant yet macabre look during the lavishly produced ballet sequences. The camera work is so fluid and the production design so terrific that it may go unnoticed by many.

Not surprisingly, the scenes getting the most attention are the sex scenes. Long time friends Portman and Kunis engage is a rigorous girl on girl scene that is more in the imagination of the viewer than you may have been lead to believe. In an exceptional series of scenes Matthew Cassell's imperious leader instructs Nina to touch herself in order to get in touch with the seductive character of the Black Swan leading to a scene that begins erotic and grows disturbingly, darkly, comic.

Darren Aronofsky is part of that rare breed of directors with nerves of steel who rarely question their vision even if that vision is wildly out of the norm. Few other filmmakers would have the guts to try what Aronofsky somehow pulls off in “Black Swan,” a blithely over the top melodrama that haughtily demands to be taken seriously. Laugh if you like, Aronofsky and “Black Swan” stand proudly and in the ungodly brilliant performance of Natalie Portman indeed you have something that cannot easily be dismissed.

“Black Swan” is a stunner; a film of extravagant oddity and highly charged passion. A film with a deeply melodramatic heart and yet high minded pretensions. Darren Aronofsky and company walk a daring high wire act to keep all of these elements in play, at odds and ever moving toward a crashing, spectacular crescendo. This is a film that demands and commands your attention.

Movie Review Night at the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian

Night at the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian

Directed by Shawn Levy 

Written by Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant 

Starring Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria, Christopher Guest 

Release Date May 22nd 2009 

Published May 21st, 2009 

It was a novel idea. Museum characters come to life at night thanks to a magical golden tablet from ancient Egypt. The premise of the 2006 Night at the Museum was destined to succeed on novelty alone. What a shame it was that no one thought to add depth, complexity or humor beyond the fall down, go boom variety.

But, as I said, the original Night at the Museum had novelty on its side. Now comes Night at the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian and the novelty has definitely worn off. What's left is a sloppy mess of out of control comic actors riffing into oblivion, searching blindly for jokes as they dress in funny costumes.

Ben Stiller is back as Larry Daley. Since we last met Larry he has given up the night watchman gig for one as an inventor and cheese ball late night infomercial star. Sure, he goes back to the museum on occasion where he is for some reason allowed to come in at night and wander around after everyone has left and apparently he was never replaced? On his next visit to the museum, Larry finds that his old friends who come to life at night are being carted up and shipped off to storage at the National Archives, beneath the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. Larry spends one last night with his friends and then accepts that it's over.

Well, of course it's not over. Larry's old pal the slapping capuchin monkey stole the gold tablet before he left and now he and the other museum dwellers are under siege beneath the Smithsonian, attacked by an evil awakened Egyptian pharaoh, KahMunRah (Hank Azaria). Now Larry must travel to Washington, sneak into the archives and save his friends.

Along the way, wouldn't you know it, he makes a bunch of new friends including Abe Lincoln, from the Lincoln memorial, Rodin's The Thinker (the voice of Hank Azaria), General George Custer (Bill Hader) and most importantly, Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams) whose nose for adventure turns her into Larry's partner and briefly his love match.

My explanation of the plot gives it far more order and structure than is actually in the movie. The film itself, once again directed with hack imprecision by Shawn Levy and written by the slipshod, logic free duo of Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant, rolls out plot points and characters and leaves them dangling with little to do but look funny, even as they don't do or say anything funny.

As they did in the first film, Levy, Lennon and Garant are convinced that the premise is the movie. Museum characters come to life, boom we're done. That's it, they set up the premise and hope that a movie develops around it. It doesn't. This strands Stiller and Azaria especially, who spend minutes of screentime performing improv material, searching in vain for a joke not supplied to them.

As Azaria and Stiller grope for jokes, Oscar nominee Adams steals scene after scene on sheer energy and cuteness. She's just as stranded as everyone else in this plotless mess but at least she's got that smile and natural beauty to fall back on. Stiller and Azaria are clearly better when the joke is given to them and not when they have to dig it out of a plotless morass.

Now, this is me asking the question that I am not supposed to ask. The director and writers of Night at the Museum don't care about this, hence why they don't supply the answer. Nevertheless, I am baffled by the physics of the tablet. It brings museum pieces to life at night right? But, how close do they have to be to the tablet? Once you are brought to life does the tablet matter? How close does a museum piece have to be to come to life? In the first film it was just the New York Museum of Art, in the sequel it is the Smithsonian but as we learn the Smithsonian is several museums plus the Lincoln memorial. Do they have to have seen the tablet to come to life? I know I am not supposed to care but it irritated me.

This is definitely a brain free environment but I was irritated by the anything goes, nothing matters approach of Night at the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian. Maybe, I would be more forgiving if the movie were funnier. I understand that what is required here, because this is merely a product, is that it is safe for kids (Won't scare'em or offend their delicate sensibilities) and that it is bright, cheery and loud but I can't get past the idea that every movie, even those created only as products, should aspire to something slightly more.

Night at the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian has zero aspiration, zero rules, zero plot and most egregiously, zero laughs.

Movie Review Night at the Museum

Night at the Museum (2006) 

Directed by Shawn Levy

Written by Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant 

Starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Dick Van Dyke, Steve Coogan, Carla Gugino, Robin Williams 

Release Date December 22nd, 2006 

Published December 21st, 2006 

As movie pedigrees go, Night at the Museum could not have an uglier ancestry. Directed by Shawn Levy, the man behind both The Pink Panther and Cheaper By the Dozen, and written by Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant, who despite being brilliant on TV's Reno 911 have written scripts for cinematic flotsam like Taxi, Let's Go To Prison and The Pacifier. Ugh!

It is a wonder then how they managed to net, for their latest movie Night At the Museum, some all star comedians for an all star cast. Led by Ben Stiller, the cast also includes Owen Wilson, Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais and Robin Williams. However, even a cast as brilliant as this cannot overcome the work of the behind the scenes 'talent' at work on Night at the Museum, an aggressively aggravating work of computer generated ridiculousness and family movie clichés.

I must admit, the idea behind Night at the Museum is very clever. At night at the natural history museum in New York the exhibits come to life and wreak havoc thanks to a mummy's curse. It's up to the new night security guard Larry (Ben Stiller) to keep the chaos from spilling out into the streets of New York and keep the exhibits from perishing in the light of day.

Larry is left this task after three longtime night guards, played by legends Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs, are let go. Let's just say they are a little bitter about being let go. They are kind enough to leave Larry an instruction manual but when Larry gets cocky, thinking he knows how to handle this situation, things go from weird to worse.

Larry would not have taken this job but his ex-wife Erica (Kim Raver) threatened to take away his son Nick (Jake Cherry) if he didn't find a steady job and place to live. No points for guessing that Nick will get in on the museum madness. You also get no points for guessing that the pretty museum tour guide, played by Spy Kids star Carla Gugino, will become Larry's love interest.

The best part of Night at the Museum is Robin Williams as President Teddy Roosevelt. Coming to life nightly to ride his horse throughout the museum, Williams' Mr. President is the most helpful of the museum exhibits and of course when it comes to delivering the moral of the story who better than a former President. Of course, Williams can't help but ham it up a little, but you expect that from Robin Williams.

Ben Stiller seems at a loss to keep up with the goofy CGI madness of Night at the Museum. Rushed through the exposition, his character is essentially a deadbeat who nearly loses his kid because he's so lazy. Not exactly a winning character. Once inside the museum, Stiller's Larry vacillates from coward to cocky but mostly just runs around confused and angry.

Director Shawn Levy and writers Garant and Lennon hit all of the typical family movie beats, a lesson learned, bathroom humor and a monkey. They also toss in a couple action movie clichés for good measure including a chase scene involving an ancient stagecoach and a miniature SUV. Trust me, my description reads far more interesting than the actual scene.

With comic talent like Stiller, Williams, Wilson et al, it would seem impossible for the film to completely fail and I guess it doesn't fail completely. Stiller can't help but wring a few laughs out of a character who's only characteristic is frustration. Frustration is Stiller's milieu. Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan have a good banter but their parts are tiny, literally and figuratively.

Ricky Gervais really gets short shrift. Why hire one of England's premiere comic talents for a role that doesn't give him any room to breathe. As the crusty museum curator, Gervais has no jokes in the movie, he is simply in place to punish Stiller's Larry and then disappear. It's as if he was hired just to make the film more profitable in England where having his name on the poster might sell a few tickets.

I honestly wonder if comedians like Ben Stiller and Robin Williams accept parts in movies like Night at the Museum in some kind of Hollywood style community service program. Studio heads put it out there that if stars will work on family movie garbage like Night at the Museum then they will get the chance to work on projects the stars really want to make. Can there be any other explanation as to why talented people make such terrible films, often in this basest of genres?

I cannot deny that at the screening I attended the target audience for Night at the Museum laughed loudly and often. Little children will, sadly, find a lot they enjoy about Night at the Museum which manages to find a number of lowest common denominator moments just for the kids. For my money however, I can't imagine why, with a satisfying, smart and genuinely touching family film in theaters like Charlotte's Web, why anyone would waste money on Night at the Museum.

Is it just that Night at the Museum is louder than Charlotte's Web? I'm just trying to understand.