Movie Review Kangaroo Jack

Kangaroo Jack (2002) 

Directed by David McNally

Written by Steve Bing, Scott Rosenberg

Starring Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Michael Shannon, Christopher Walken 

Release Date January 17th, 2002 

Published January 19th, 2002 

Jerry Bruckheimer's attack on the American moviegoing public continues with the release of the talking kangaroo movie Kangaroo Jack. The number one movie in America on its opening weekend, Jack is yet another black eye from a Hollywood community that just doesn't care anymore. They have figured it out, we will go see anything and then see it again. There will likely be a sequel to this movie proving once and for all, this country is on crack.

One of the great things about being a film critic is going to the movies for free. Great because I save money and because I can walk out on any movie at any time and not worry about arguing with the ticket guy over a refund. The movie hasn't started and I'm already eyeing the exits.

We begin with Charlie (Jerry O' Connell) in a voiceover explaining how he met his best friend Louis Booker (Anthony Anderson). Charlie was swimming and began drowning; Louis jumped in and saved him. Twenty years later Charlie is a hairdresser with his own shop that was purchased for him by his stepfather, a mobster named Sal Maggio (Christopher Walken). Louis is a street hustler (does that stereotype bother anyone? Does it matter?) who is constantly getting them in trouble. Louis's latest scam involves a truck full of Televisions that may or may not be stolen. These two characters are brain-dead morons so it's not long till the cops are onto them. They accidentally lead the cops to one of Sal's warehouses where the "family" keeps their stolen goods.

Sal is a little upset but instead of killing Charlie and Louis, he sends them on an errand in Australia. Charlie and Louis simply have to deliver a package containing 50,000 dollars to a man named Mr. Smith. Oh but if it were that simple, there wouldn't be a movie. On the way to meet Mr. Smith, Charlie runs into a kangaroo and thinks he killed it. A clowning Louis thinks it would be funny to dress up the supposedly dead animal and take pictures of it (HAHAHAHA, actually that is funny). Louis puts his jacket and sunglasses on the Kangaroo and the animal suddenly comes back to life and hops off. Not a big deal, except that Louis left the fifty grand in the jacket.

From there, Charlie and Louis mug like morons and engage in supposedly wacky hijinks with a drunk Australian airplane pilot and a sexy wildlife expert played by model Estella Warren. I would say Warren deserves better than this but she chose to be in this movie so it's her own fault.

Where do I begin with the "what's wrong with this movie" portion of my review? What's wrong is that this movie was made at all, but that is a little too general. Do you think that Jerry Bruckheimer is, in reality, some brilliant sociologist and that his films are merely an experiment to test just how far down he can push American culture before we finally fight back? Maybe he is just searching to find the bottom of the barrel, just so he knows where it is. Forgive me, I know I'm reaching but conspiracy theories are the only way I can explain Jerry Bruckheimer without just simply calling him Satan's spawn. I was just trying to be nice.

What do you think the pitch meeting for this movie was? It was probably something like:

Idiot studio exec #1 "I think the Kangaroo should talk"

Idiot studio exec #2 "That's Brilliant, call Jerry Bruckheimer".

Christopher Walken, why are you in this movie! Walken plays a stereotypical mob boss. Meanwhile, Italians are protesting the Soprano's yet not one word in protest of the goomba stereotypes of this film.

As for Anthony Anderson's character, a black street hustler simply playing the buffoon opposite the white lead character, how does Jerry Bruckheimer get away with such a blatantly stereotypical character and the makers of Barbershop get protested?

You may wonder why I ever sat through this film if I knew it was going to suck? It's simple, this is a movie review website and at the time of this review Kangaroo Jack was the number one movie in America. If this were a straight-to-video movie, we could ignore it, but with $17 million in box office receipts, someone on this site had to see and write about and no one else was as brave or crazy as I was. (Ed. Note - emphasis on crazy)

Movie Review: A Guy Thing

A Guy Thing (2002) 

Directed by Chris Koch 

Written by Greg Glienna 

Starring Jason Lee, Julia Stiles, James Brolin, Selma Blair, Shawn Hatosy 

Release Date January 17th, 2002 

Published January 16th, 2002 

Recently, I have been reading about the Auteur Theory, an idea first championed by European filmmakers in the 1960's which caught on here in the States through the writings of critic Andrew Sarris. The theory postulates that the director is the creative force in the movie-making process; that the script is nothing until the director gives it light and imagery. Essentially, a director gives life to a script. According to this theory, a true auteur/filmmaker can take a lifeless, innocuous script and pair it with awe-inspiring imagery and performance to create a masterpiece. After seeing the film A Guy Thing, it's safe to say director Chris Koch is no auteur, as he takes a lifeless and innocuous script and makes a lifeless, innocuous film.

Jason Lee stars as Paul Morse, a soon-to-be-married schlep who isn't enjoying his bachelor party. Not wanting to take part in the debauchery, Paul allows his best man (played by Shawn Hatosy) to pretend he is the groom-to-be so the strippers will give him their full attention. One of the strippers is Becky, played by Julia Stiles, and she is awful at her job. Becky is not a good dancer and really doesn't care. She takes an immediate liking to Paul, not knowing that he is the groom.

The next morning, Paul awakens to a phone call from his mother-in-law, informing him that his wife-to-be is on her way to his apartment. This would not be a problem except that Becky is in Paul's bed. This encounter leads to a series of wacky episodes involving mistaken identities, crazed ex-boyfriends and various misunderstandings that are staples of the romantic comedy genre. A Guy Thing isn't a bad film. It has moments that are honestly funny; however, it is also clichéd and too often dull. Lee, one of my favorite actors, mugs and preens and does everything he can with the limited material he is given. Stiles remains one of the most appealing actresses of her generation as she makes her way through the film on her wits and charm, barely sidestepping the script's many pitfalls.

The main problem with the film is Koch and his inability to bring life to the film. Almost any director can bring a literal translation of a script to the screen, but it takes an artist to make that lifeless script a film. Even if that script has so little originality can, with the steady hand and eye of a great director, can be entertaining. Koch, however, directs A Guy Thing with a simple point-and-shoot style that takes the scripted page and translates it directly on to the screen. If you are going to do that, you may as well film the actors simply reading the script.

Koch is not a bad director. He is technically sound. He simply needs to develop a style of his own. Koch needs to learn to trust his own instincts instead of taking a script from the producers and translating it directly to the screen with no style or substance.

Movie Review Just Married

Just Married (2003) 

Directed by Shawn Levy 

Written by Sam Harper 

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Brittany Murphy, Christian Kane, Monet Mazur, Taran Killam

Release Date January 10th, 2003 

Published January 9th, 2003

Another January, another slate of less than stellar movies from the Hollywood swill factory. Okay, Just Married isn't quite that bad, but it's not very good either.

Just Married stars Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy as a pair of twenty-somethings who fall in love and get married. He's a sports nut who works part time at a radio station doing midnight traffic reports. She is a waspy princess from Bel Air whose father (David Rasche, king of the asshole wasps) owns a pair of sports teams. Opposites attract as they say and soon after meeting they are married and off for a European honeymoon.

The film begins with the pair returning from Europe ready to kill one another. In flashback, Tom (Kutcher) explains how they met when he popped her in the face with a football on a beach. They then bonded over a game of pool and sex on their first date. Things proceed quickly as, still in flashback, we find that they moved in together after only a month of dating.

Tom then regales the mistakes each made that would come back to haunt them. First, we find that Tom accidentally killed Sarah's (Murphy) dog, then lied about it. We then learn on their wedding day that Sarah had slept with an ex-boyfriend whom she had told Tom was just a platonic friend. Of course, the ex-boyfriend is a rich guy named Peter (Christian Kane) whom Sarah's family adores.

From there, the flashback jumps ahead to the Honeymoon where things go bad from the start. After arriving in France and getting the wrong rental car, they arrive at their luxury hotel. Once there, Tom manages to nearly destroy the place with a sextoy. Well gee, it's a romantic comedy. Do you think Tom and Sarah will overcome their problems and help love prevail? I will leave the mystery.

Director Shawn Levy brings nothing new to this tired genre comedy. The only thing the film has going for it is the likability of the actors involved. Without them, Just Married would easily be one of the worst films I have seen. Brittany Murphy's huge brown eyes and bubbly energetic personality make her so amazingly likable you forgive the ridiculousness of the plot she is trapped in.

As for Kutcher, he has his moments, especially towards the end when he lets his manic comic energy overcome him. His rage at trying to get through the fence surrounding Sarah's parent's mansion is the only really funny moment of the film.

Just Married is an unoriginal wrongheaded, poorly directed cliche. A film that has been done to death and should not be made at all. If not for its appealing stars, Just Married would be interminable. With them, the film is almost tolerable. 

Movie Review The Hours

The Hours (2002) 

Directed by Stephen Daldry 

Written by David Hare 

Starring Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, Ed Harris, Toni Collette, Claire Danes 

Release Date December 25th, 2002 

Published December 29th, 2002 

One of the first things I wrote when I started writing for this site was a column lamenting the lack of good roles for women. At that time, the majority of lead roles for women were still in service to male characters. However, in the second half of 2002, something happened and the trend began to reverse. Strong roles for women like those featured in The Good Girl, White Oleander and Secretary showed great progress. Now, with Stephen Daldry's The Hours, we have not one great role for a woman, but three: Three sensational roles for three sensational actresses in one excellent movie.

Three women over three generations are united by one book written by one of the characters. That character was a real person, writer Virginia Woolf, played by Nicole Kidman. Her book, "Mrs Dalloway," is read by both Julianne Moore's 1950's housewife Laura Brown and Meryl Streep's modern day Clarissa Vaughn.

Laura Brown is a troubled housewife whose troubles are written on her face. Her every action seems slowed by depression. Everything, including her interaction with her young son, seems to be affected by her depression. After seeing her husband off to work, a neighbor played by Toni Collette stops by for a visit that shows Laura what life might have been or what Laura really wanted in her life. The scene illustrates Laura's connection to the book "Mrs. Dalloway" as it demonstrates the dilemma that also haunted Virginia Woolf's literary creation--choosing the safe route of marriage over the adventurous life with a lover.

In the modern story, Meryl Streep's Clarissa Vaughn is planning a party for an ex-lover played by Ed Harris. Now dying of AIDS, Harris' character entertains thoughts of suicide as he comes to realize how close to death he is. He has called Clarissa by the nickname Mrs. Dalloway for years and now, in an ironic twist that mimics the classic book, Clarissa plans a party and her poet friend is planning his death. The characters are aware of the parallels but only Harris' character accepts his fate.

The third story is that of Virginia Woolf played by Kidman. We watch as Woolf, whose mental health problems are well documented, creates her masterpiece "Mrs Dalloway." Forced by her husband to live in a quiet, suburban, England country house, Woolf longs for the lively nature of the city. Attended by doctors on a daily basis, Virginia's only sanctuary lies in her writing. The fate of Virginia Woolf, much like her troubled life, is well known. If you don't know how she died, I will leave the mystery. Her death is dramatized in The Hours in a powerful scene that bookends the film.

In an unusual way, The Hours reminded me of Adaptation, in that a writer writes another writer into his screenplay. Then, the actions of the book are played out in the film and (not literally) the actions of the book unfold onscreen.

Director Stephen Daldry, working from a script by David Hare and the book by Michael Cunningham, creates a film of great emotional and intellectual power. While "Mrs. Dalloway" has been adapted for the screen before, the film shows what a truly special work it is. The film manages to communicate just how powerful and effective the book is without literally translating it. The Hours is a brilliant, remarkable film.

Movie Review: Two Weeks Notice

Two Weeks Notice (2002) 

Directed by Marc Lawrence

Written by Marc Lawrence 

Starring Sandra Bullock, Hugh Grant, Alica Witt, Robert Klein

Release Date December 20th, 2002 

Published December 19th, 2002

Ugh! Another romantic comedy.

Though this romantic comedy is made slightly more appealing by it's stars, a pair of the genre's veteran players have provided some of its brightest moments. However, no matter how good the stars are, the genre is dying. That Hollywood thinks that all they have to do with this genre is dress it up with different stars is insulting. Two Weeks Notice is yet another formula romantic comedy, a slave to genre routine.

Sandra Bullock stars as Lucy Kelson, a legal aid lawyer with a social conscience that as we join the story has her hanging on a wrecking ball attempting to prevent it from demolishing an old building. There is a large "W" on the wrecking ball signifying the construction company's owner, George Wade, played by Hugh Grant. Wade is Grant's typically foppish ladies’ man, with a different girl everynight and no significant relationships. After George's brother and partner dress him down for yet again sleeping with company's top lawyer, George is forced to hire a lawyer with more qualifications than her ability to fill out her top.

This is when George meets Lucy as she is approaching him to oppose another of his construction jobs. George knows of Lucy from the number of run-ins she has had with his construction crews. After learning that Lucy is Harvard educated and hates him, meaning she's qualified and less likely to sleep with him, he offers her the job as the company's top lawyer. Lucy doesn't want the job, but after George promises to give her the power to kill a particular construction project in her Brooklyn neighborhood she accepts the job.

The key to making this overly familiar story work is the chemistry between the stars and snappy banter. Two Weeks Notice has a little of both but still clings to genre clichés. After Lucy quits because George is to demanding, she is asked to train her replacement June played by Alicia Witt. Of course, June has her eye on George, which leads Lucy to be jealous. George for his part does a good job of being clueless about both Lucy and June's obvious attraction to him.

For my money, star power is not nearly enough for me to recommend a movie. Do I go to a movie to see a star, certainly. There are a number of movie stars who when they are in a film I lay down my hard earned money to see them. However no matter who that Star is and how much I have enjoyed their work, no one gets a pass because of familiarity. Hugh Grant is one of those stars I pay to see but I will not give a pass to Two Weeks Notice just because I like him.

Two Weeks Notice is yet another predictable, genre slave decorated with star power to distract from the clichéd story and romance.

Movie Review Star Trek Nemesis

Star Trek Nemesis (2002) 

Directed by Stuart Baird 

Written by John Logan

Starring Patrick Stewart, Tom Hardy, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, LeVar Burton, Gates McFadden

Release Date December 13th, 2002 

Published December 12th, 2002 

I was a huge fan of the Star Trek: Next Generation TV Series. That is, until, the first movie was released. Generations was not a bad movie but it lacked the depth of the series. In fact, the film version seemed to brush aside the elements that made the series so interesting in favor of lame sci-fi action that dominates most films of the genre. Granted the series intelligent studied style that only resorted to action and effects when it had to probably doesn't translate well to the screen. So, if you have to change it so drastically why do it at all?

The second film in the series was a little better with it's adherence to a storyline begun on the TV series, but it too resorted to effects and action that we've seen dozens of times in sci-fi movies. Then came Insurrection, a true lowpoint as Trek made it's first dip into campy self parody. Cheesy effects, performances and action, Insurrection should have killed the series. Yet here we are again with another Next Generation movie and the continuing de-evolution of a once great series.

Nemesis reunites the familiar faces of the once great TV series including Captain Jean Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart), Commander Riker (Jonathon Frakes), Deanna Troy (Marina Sirtis), Data (Brent Spiner), Worff (Michael Dorn) and Jordy (Levar Burton). The crew of the Enterprise begins Nemesis celebrating the marriage of Commander Riker and Deanna Troy, a relationship that has evolved from the TV series. After a coup in the Romulan senate, Captain Picard and his crew are ordered to go to the Romulan neutral zone to begin possible peace talks with the new ruling regime from the Romulan neighbor planet Remus. Once in the neutral zone Picard and members of his crew beam aboard the Remus ship to speak to the leader Praetor Shinzon (Tom Hardy). It is quickly revealed that Picard was called here not for peace negotiations, but so Shinzon can reveal himself as Picard's clone.

All of this in the films first 20 minutes, the remaining screen time is dominated by dull sci-fi action and shockingly cheesy dialogue and effects. It's no surprise that Shinzon plans on blowing up the Earth and destroying the Federation, but then there are no surprises in Nemesis.

What is so shocking about Nemesis is how director Stuart Baird manages to make his talented cast look bad. The bad acting, cheesy dialogue and special effects scenes are worthy of Ed Wood. Not all the effects are that bad, in fact some of the effects are very good. However, effects that happened inside the ship (Sparks coming from engines, people pretending to fall down, forcing the poor cast to sit in their chairs and shake themselves as if they were being battered by unseen blasts) are just sad.

How is it that in the 25 some years since the first Star Trek film that none of these geniuses has been able to create a shield that doesn't degrade by 50 percent after one or two blasts? When will Jordy fix that stupid core so it doesn't blow up so quickly leaving the crew completely vulnerable? As many times as the ship has broken down and been busted up I would fire my engineer for not making some kind of improvement.

Poor Patrick Stewart. Once he was a Shakespearean trained actor and now the words “full power to forward shields” will be on his tombstone. In addition, what happened to Jonathon Frakes? At one time his Commander Riker was an oddly stoic guy with a strange sense of humor. In the past two films he has became an over the top cheeseball ham. Two movies into the Next Generation films and Frakes' charming grin is now a mask of hamminess.

The downward spiral of Next Generation from smart TV show to dull movie series is a perfect example of how money corrupts. On TV, Next Generation was forced to come up with smart scripts and stories that didn't rely on special effects because they didn't have the budget for it. Now on the big screen and flush with cash to do the effects they couldn't do on TV, the series is dominated by the effects.

Star Trek: Nemesis is not a disappointment but rather the continuation of disappointments that has been growing since the TV show was shoved onto the big screen.

Movie Review Maid in Manhattan

Maid in Manhattan (2002) 

Directed by Wayne Wang 

Written by Kevin Wade 

Starring Jennifer Lopez, Ralph Fiennes, Natasha Richardson, Stanley Tucci, Bob Hoskins

Release Date December 13th, 2002 

Published December 13th, 2002 

The romantic comedy is dead!

Or if it isn't it should be.

I'm sorry, I know people love the genre of beautiful stars falling in love in magical ways but the genre’s conventions and cliches have made the genre pass and predictable. That is not to say that romance in film is dead but that Hollywood needs to come up with a different way of presenting it. The Cinderella syndrome begun with 1990's Pretty Woman has to stop.

I realize the Cinderella-Prince Charming dynamic is one that women have fallen in love with but even the most forgiving of female filmgoers must acknowledge the genre's shortcomings. Its predictability, sugary cuteness and desperate reliance on coincidence and misunderstanding are now beyond grating. Case in point, the new Jennifer Lopez-Ralph Fiennes romance Maid In Manhattan, yet another Pretty Woman retread right off the romantic comedy assembly line.

J.Lo stars as Marisa, a maid at an opulent New York hotel, where the rich and famous make their temporary homes. Marisa is a divorced mother of one of those typically precocious romantic comedy kids named Ty, played by Tyler Posey. In typical genre fashion, Ty has a unique quality that will become important in the meeting of the two leads. Tyler loves politics, he loves it so much that as a present his mom buys him copies of the Richard Nixon White House tapes and Ty has memorized the voting record of New York Assemblyman Christopher Marshall (Ralph Fiennes). 

Marshall is staying at the hotel where Marisa works and of course he meets Ty and is impressed with his political awareness. Also staying at the hotel is a flighty rich blonde woman named Caroline (Miranda Richardson) who asks Marisa to return a very expensive outfit for her while she is out for the day. Of course Marisa can't resist the urge to try on the outfit while in the Hotel Suite and wouldn't you know that this is the moment when Ty introduces her to Chris. And what a shock when he mistakes her for a guest instead of a maid and invites her and Ty to come with him while he walks his dog in the park. Of course she could avoid the confusion by just coming clean and admitting the truth but then we wouldn't have a movie.

Of course it wouldn't be a romantic comedy without wacky supporting characters and a scene where the characters and wacky supporting cast dance and sing though no music is playing except that which is on the soundtrack. How do they hear it? They dance and sing and then it's time for a montage of makeovers and dresses, because of course Marisa has a ball to attend.

After all, a movie about a Senator who falls in love with a maid without a mistaken identity plot and a lot of near misses where he almost discovers the truth wouldn't be much of a romantic comedy. These stupid plot developments and false crises are tiresome and insulting to anyone who has ever seen a movie before.

Golly do you think when Chris finds out that Marisa is just a maid he will be upset? Do you think that he will get over it quickly and the two will live happily ever after? Do you think the sky is blue and the Earth is round?

Memo to Jennifer Lopez: What Happened? You were so good in Out of Sight, The Cell and Angel Eyes. In each of those movies you showed real acting chops. This is your third role in a row you have played on autopilot, Wedding Planner and Enough previously. There is hope for you yet but another turkey like this one and you may want to stick with the singing career.

Romance in movies is not dead; it is at the moment merely enslaved by cliché and creative laziness. There are still rays of hope, films like Secretary and Chasing Amy both take elements of traditional romantic comedy then find ways to tweak them and make them new, exciting, intelligent and funny. There is still hope but with each Maid In Manhattan or Sweet Home Alabama that hope dims just a little.