Movie Review Marlowe

Marlowe (2023)

Directed by Neil Jordan 

Written by William Monahan 

Starring Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, Danny Huston, Adewale Akinnouye Agbaje, Jessica Lange

Release Date February 15th, 2023 

Published February 24th, 2023 

Marlowe is a stunningly mediocre film. An attempt to bring back the feel of 40s noir detective novels, in the vain of Raymond Chandler, using Chandler's creation, Detective Phillip Marlowe, Marlowe wanders, stumbles, plods and trips over oodles of over pronounced dialogue and a dimwitted 'mystery.' How bad is Marlowe? It made me wonder if I've ever found Liam Neeson entertaining. Seriously, I had to convince myself that I really did like the Taken movies. I think I did. I think... yeah. Neeson could not be more miscast in the role of a 1930s gumshoe in Los Angeles. 

Marlowe opens on a completely meaningless visual. A man is pacing back and forth dictating some odd thing to an attentive secretary. You think the man speaking is Marlowe and the secretary is his Girl Friday, the go-to gal, that reliable female pal from past detective movies. Nope, that's not Marlowe or his secretary. It's also not someone that the actual Phillip Marlowe is peeping in on for a case. So, why did we open on this visual? God help me, I have no idea. It's a completely disconnected visual. It's a seeming recreation from past Marlowe films and novels that I assume director Neil Jordan recreated simply to evoke Marlowe's of the past. 

The reveal of the actual Marlowe comes with the introduction of our Femme Fatale, that dangerous female client with the case that will test our detective's metal. Diane Kruger is our femme fatale in Marlowe and with her platinum blonde hair and tight dress, she certainly has the visual from a Phillip Marlowe mystery down pat. Sadly, she and Marlowe, as played by Liam Neeson, have to eventually speak and when they do, the hired boiled dialogue turns both actors into unintentionally comedic characters. There is a particular cadence to Raymond Chandler mysteries and neither Neeson or Kruger have that kind of cadence. In their mouths, these words come off like people stating written dialogue out loud and not the natural speech of two people who speak like this all the time. 

It's an odd and perhaps labored comparison but Marvel movie fans will understand. If you've seen Guardians of the Galaxy and then see the Guardians as directed by anyone other than James Gunn, they characters just don't sound right. You can tell James Gunn's cadence is missing and it throws off the way the Guardians typically come off on screen. That's especially true in Thor Love and Thunder and kind of true in the two most recent Avengers movies. That's how Neeson and Kruger sound when trying to deliver Raymond Chandler style hardboiled dialogue. It just hits the ear all wrong. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.media 

My Time Traveling Family

There is a legend in my family, passed down through time. In the legend, members of my family are capable of traveling through time. There is one hitch in that legend, you can only do it once and for about an hour at most. Thus, when members of the family reach a certain age they are informed of this ability, how to access it, and the very important rule about its use. One time, one hour. That, naturally, sets the stage for how you want to use your one time and one hour. 

How do you decide? Where do you want to go and what do you want to do? It's an impossible choice as what if you choose to go right away and find that something tragic happened? You could have used your one time, one hour, to save someone you love from death. But, if you're too cautious and you don't use it, what if you die before you can use this amazing power? I had an Uncle who held on to his one time until he was 72 years and before he could finally go back and do something he wanted to do, he dropped dead. 

Don't be Uncle Tony, that's what my Dad told me. Dad used his one time, one hour, to visit his father. Dad went back to 1975 and had lunch with his own father before Granddad passed away. He said it was the best choice he could have made. He could have gone back and done many things, really anything. Like anyone else, Dad made bad choices here and there, he had regrets that he could have perhaps corrected. He could have tried to find a way to make a quick buck, but for dad, spending one last lunch sitting across from his father was everything. 

Granddad recognized him immediately. Dad may have been 8 years old at the time he traveled back to but Granddad still recognized his nearly 60 year old son when he saw him. They cried together, laughed together, enjoyed a meal together. My Granddad passed away on May 15th, 1975 he was shot while trying to stop a convenience store robbery. Before he died, he told my dad not to try and change his fate. He was worried that the ripple effect of his death that day would be too catastrophic to the future of the lives he saved that day stopping that man from killing more than just him. 

That's another thing about this ability of ours, you have to be responsible with it. You have to understand the ripple effect of your actions. One false move and you could remove a generation of your future family. You could come back from an hour in the past to an entirely different present. It's best to try and observe history or, in some cases, nudge it in your favor. Repair a failure, fix something you regret. Just know that there are potential consequences to every choice and make sure you can live with what you choose to do. 

Which leads back to me. I have a huge decision to make. What will I do in the past? How can I keep what I do from negatively affecting the future? What can I do that will be emotionally satisfying and useful to my present situation? I think I know what to do. It's a bit mawkish, if I am to be self-critical. There was something I wanted to do as a kid but never had the chance to do. I always wanted to see a baseball game with my grandfather at Wrigley Field. 

Find my full length short story at Fiction.Media 

Classic Movie Review An American Werewolf in London

An American Werewolf in London (1991) 

Directed by John Landis 

Written by John Landis

Starring David Naughton, Griffin Dunne, Jenny Agutter

Release Date August 21st, 1981

Published February 27th, 2023 

I don't get it. Well, I understand what people see in American Werewolf in London, but I don't get why it has lasted in people's memories for over 40 years. American Werewolf in London has some terrific practical effects and makeup. It has several memorable visuals, mostly in the makeup effects by the iconic Rick Baker. That's a solid legacy but beyond that, there is not much of a movie here. Thin characters, a horror comedy tone that is never funny, and disconnected scenes that linger rather than move things along, left me rather bored by a movie with a reputation as a horror classic. 

American Werewolf in London stars blandly handsome commercial pitchman, David Naughton as David and Griffin Dunne as David's best friend Jack. Somehow, David convinced Jack to go backpacking across England, specifically in the cold and rainy Yorkshire Moors, even as Jack greatly preferred going to the warmer and more welcoming environment in Greece or Italy. The two are miserable and cold and when they find a pub in a small town, things don't get any better. 

The locals are rude and stand-offish, they send the American visitors away without so much as a warm beverage. The only thing the locals tell the two young men is to stay out of the Moors. Naturally, they don't listen and up walking in the bright light of a full moon across the empty Moors. In the distance, they hear what sounds like a dog or a wolf. Indeed, it's a werewolf, one the locals were fully aware of but failed to keep the young men from encountering. 

Subsequently, Jack is brutally mutilated while David runs away like a coward. He does turn back for Jack but only so that we in the audience can be shown Jack's brutally desiccated corpse. David himself is then attacked but survives when several of the guilt-ridden pub patrons come to rescue him and kill the werewolf. Unfortunately for both David and Jack, David has been bitten before he was rescued and the Werewolf curse was transferred to him. 

The curse also effects poor Jack who cannot rest in peace until the Werewolf bloodline is ended. That means that David needs to die or Jack will live on as a member of the living dead. In the best part of the movie, Rick Baker's makeup turns Griffin Dunne into an ever rotting corpse whose decay is more and more present the more we see him. Dunne, unfortunately for the rest of the movie, is far more charming and engaging than star David Naughton and the movie suffers when Dunne isn't on screen. 

Put it simply, David Naughton is completely overmatched when challenged with carrying the movie. He's blandly handsome but there is nothing much more too him. So much of the movie is spent in his company and because of that, the movie never gains any charm or momentum. Naughton is a giant void at the center of the movie, sucking in all that might be interesting about writer-director John Landis' homage to classic MGM monster movies. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Chronicles of a Wandering Saint

Chronicles of a Wandering Saint (2023)

Directed by Tomas Gomez Bustillo 

Written by Tomas Gomez Bustillo 

Starring Iair Said, Monica Villa, Pablo Moseinco

Release Date March 12th, 2023 

Published March 13th, 2023 

We open inside of a church somewhere in Argentina. Rita (Monica Villa) sits praying in the first pew, alone. Beside her are cleaning materials that she has set aside for her particular need to pray at this moment. Observed by interlopers, Rita is unmoved and continues diligently in prayer. The interlopers are her prayer group who have arrived to pray with her. Rita's role in the church is rather unclear early on. Yes, she's cleaning the church but is she an employee or a volunteer? Is she a church leader or a member of the congregation. 

In the end, I guess that doesn't matter. The point is that she is deeply religious, pious, and dedicated. The plot of Chronicles of a Wandering Saint kicks in when, while cleaning a storage area of the church, Rita finds a statue of a Nun and she steals it with the aid of her loving, devoted, and slightly goofy husband, Lucho (Iair Said). Lucho is unaware of his wife's ruse, even as he helps smuggle the statue of Saint Rita from the church to his home. 

The plot thickens with Rita tells her pastor, Father Eduardo (Pablo Moseinco) that the statue simply appeared in her home. It doesn't take much for him to declare it a miracle, sight unseen and we're off to the races, so to speak. Rita begins to try and authenticate evidence of her miracle. Soon, Rita does let Lucho in on the ruse and together they work on staging the miracle. The slightly upgraded, more biblically accurate, Statue of Saint Rita will suddenly appear at the church with Rita discovering it there, a genuine miracle. 

And then... well, let's just say, the movie... changes. Something happens at the midpoint of Chronicles of a Wandering Saint that shifts a potential comic farce about a deeply religious woman staging a miracle into something entirely, remarkably unexpected. I am not going to spoil anything; I am recommending this movie and I certainly want you to enjoy it. I will only say that the twist is entirely unexpected and rather ingenious. You are making assumptions about what the twist is but I promise you, you won't guess it. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Scream 6

Scream 6 (2023) 

Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett 

Written by James Vanderbilt, Gary Busick 

Starring Jenna Ortega, Melissa Barrera, Courtney Cox, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding 

Release Date March 10th, 2023 

Published March 9th, 2023 

After having seen Scream 6 I can now confirm that there are only two possible truths in this franchise. One possible truth is that no one in Scream has any vital organs. Or, second possible truth, Knives are capable of malfunctioning. It has to be one or the other. There are no other rational explanations as to how human beings can survive so many, many stab wounds. Characters in Scream movies now are basically a series of blood balloons tied together to form human beings. No vital organs, just places where they can be stabbed and partially deflate. That's it. 

Stabbing someone in movies used to be far more effective than it is today. In Psycho you did not see Marion Crane getting up and sharing witty banter with anyone after being stabbed repeatedly by Mrs. Bates. Heck, even in the original, 1996 Scream movie, Drew Barrymore died in the opening minutes from a number of stab wounds. Granted, it was the first indication of the growing overall ineffectiveness of knives in horror movies, but she did die from her wounds, eventually. 

I'm being petty. It's just a matter that I have been able to suspend disbelief in previous entries in the Scream franchise. Scream 1,2,4, and 5, feature such good scares and such great characters that the implausibility melted into the background. Writer Kevin Williamson, aided by the skilled direction of horror veteran Wes Craven, was able to distract us with wit and charm while Craven's camera blocking and old school approach to building suspense, carried us over the harder to believe ideas about how many times Sidney Prescott was going to survive a serial murderer. 

Now however, without the wit and with greatly lesser character and direction, the seams of the franchise are beginning to wear away. There are only so many times that Ghostface can be knocked on the head and walk away. There are only so many times we can see someone have most of their vital organs punctured and live that such a thing remains effective. With Scream 6, for me, the franchise has pushed beyond my ability and willingness to suspend disbelief. With nothing to elevate the movie above the horror tropes, we're left with a downright comical number of stab wounds that people manage to survive. 

Picking up the story from Scream 5, the Carpenter sisters, Samantha (Melissa Barrera) and Tara (Jenna Ortega), survivors of the most recent massacre in Woodsboro, are now living in New York City. Tara is attending college, along with old friends Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown) and her fraternal twin brother, Chad (Mason Gooding). And, of course, they've picked up strays including new roommate Quinn (Liana Liberato), and Chad's new roommate Ethan (Jack Champion). Samantha has also picked a secret boyfriend, a neighbor named Danny (Josh Segarra), who, naturally, will become an immediate suspect when Ghostface returns. 

Indeed, Ghostface is back as a pair of film students appear to be trying to finish the story that Randy Kirsch (Jack Quaid) and Amber Freeman (Mikey Madison) tried to tell in Scream 5. That story centered on Sam being the big bad due to her history as the illegitimate daughter of original Scream killer, Billy Loomis (Skeet Ulrich). These dorks want to finish Randy and Amber's movie by killing the Carpenter sisters and framing them for all of the murders from Woodsboro to New York City. Before they can accomplish that however, they too are killed and a new story of revenge begins to unfold. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review IMoredecai

iMordecai (2023) 

Directed by Marvin Samel 

Written by Rudy Gaines, Dahlia Heyman 

Starring Judd Hirsch, Carole Kane, Sean Astin 

Release Date March 10th, 2023 

Published March 9th, 2023 

It seems to happen year after year after the Oscar nominations are announced. One nominee with a chance of winning one of the biggest prizes in acting will have their chances of winning torpedoed by the release of another movie, one terrifically embarrassing and using the Oscar attention for the star as a marketing tool. This year, legendary character actor Judd Hirsch earned an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor in Steven Speilberg's The Fabelmans. Whether or not Hirsch could be considered a frontrunner for the award is debatable. What's not debatable is that he must be hoping voters don't notice his other awards season starring role in the embarrassing product placement based comedy, iMordecai. 

Judd Hirsch stars in iMordecai as Mordecai, a wacky holocaust survivor living the retired life in Florida with his longtime, long suffering wife, Fela (Carole Kane). When we meet Mordecai he is taking a sledgehammer to his apartment bathroom with the intent of building a new bathroom. Did I mention that Mordecai is in his late 80s? Perhaps building an entire new bathroom might not be within his capabilities? That's certainly what Mordecai's son, Marvin (Sean Astin) thinks. He's stunned when his mother calls him to try and get Mordecai to not destroy the bathroom. 

Marvin is struggling to keep tabs on his dad, especially because Mordecai is still using a nearly 20 year old flip phone as his main source of communication. Marvin is desperate to get his father a more reliable phone and finally is able to rope dad into a trip to the mall. There, Mordecai is introduced to a young genius named Nina (Azia Dinea Hale) who is teaching a class on how draw using your Iphone. Nina and Mordecai strike up a friendship over their shared love of art, Mordecai was a painter years ago, and Nina offers to teach Mordecai how to use the new Iphone Marvin is buying for him.

There is a major complication in Nina and Mordecai's friendship that lingers through the second act. What we know and Mordecai will come to know, eventually, is that Nina's grandfather was a Nazi officer at a Jewish Extermination Camp in Germany during World War 2. Nina only recently became aware of this and initially keeps this information from her new friend. Naturally, the truth will come out but, strangely, not much will come from this. One of the hallmarks of iMordecai is the introduction of heavy topics that get shuffled aside for more discussion about how great Iphones are. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Pinball The Man who Saved the Game

Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game (2023) 

Directed by Austin Bragg, Meredith Brag 

Written by Austin Bragg, Meredith Bragg

Starring Mike Faist, Crystal Reed, Dennis Boutsikaris, Christopher Convery

Release Date March 17th, 2023 

Published March 11th, 2023 

Pinball The Man Who Saved the Game is a wildly inessential look at a piece of history so inconsequential that it boggles the mind. For reasons that don't bare a need to be repeated, Pinball, the game so righteously lauded by Roger Daltrey in an equally inessential but kind of awesome song, was banned in many big cities in the 1970's. Then, one man, one weird, weird, man, by the name of Roger Sharpe set about to change everything. Forget fighting for equal rights, or battling systemic injustice, Roger Sharpe was going to use his time to rescue pinball. And so incredible is his story that people felt there needed to be a movie about it. 

In a needless device, actor Dennis Boutsakaris plays a modern conception of Roger Sharpe. He's being interviewed by the makers of this film, presumably, about how he saved pinball. To tell the story, Roger must go all the way back to 1971 when he met the magical Jesus of Pinball who gave him the gift of a phrase that he would carry forward into the world: 'I can't let it drain.' Pinball Jesus, handing down the commandments of Pinball to the Moses who would save the game was referring to having Roger take over his machine and not allow the game to end, Pinball Jesus presumably having to inspire others to pinball glory. 

Cut to 1975 and we apparently need to know how sad Roger's life is. Roger worked a soulless job in advertising in New York City while nursing the failed dream of all 1970's male movie characters, the dream of writing 'the great American novel.' Roger's failed dreams have led to a failed marriage and soon the loss of his job. Desperate for a place and a purpose in a cruel and remorseless world, Roger happens to hear the siren call of bumpers and bells coming from inside a porno bookshop. Having not played pinball since college, Roger took this as a sign and spent the next several weeks playing pinball while sex workers and perverts plied their trade behind a nearby curtain. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media.