Movie Review Scream 5

Scream 5 (2022) 

Directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett 

Written by JamesVanderbilt, Gary Busick, Kevin Williamson

Starring Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega 

Release Date January 14, 2022 

Published June 13th, 2023

Just a few years ago the WWE had an issue. There are moves in wrestling called 'Finishers.' The 'Finisher' is supposed to end a match. When the 'Finisher' is struck, 1, 2, 3 almost always should follow. But, for a time, WWE forgot about the concept of the 'Finisher.' Wrestlers began surviving finishing moves. Moves that used to be finishers in the 1980s were no longer effective enough to end a match. Even the most protected finishers, the ones that NO ONE got up from, began to become not fully effective. 

The choice, and it was a choice, it's a scripted medium, to allow wrestlers to survive a finishing move, began to affect the drama of matches. When a finisher becomes ineffective, the drama, build to an ending of a match becomes drawn out and less dramatic. I mention this in a review of Scream 5 because it's become concerning how ineffective a finishing maneuver in the Scream universe has become. I'm speaking of stabbing. Stabbing is supposed to be a finishing movie for the masked villains of the Scream universe. However, as they enter further and further into the franchise, stabbing has almost become a transition move. 

Today, when someone in a Scream movie gets stabbed it's more of a brief hindrance than something that leads to death. It's becoming an epidemic in the Scream franchise that a stab wound is as easy to survive as a paper cut. The drama and excitement of the killer getting their hands on a main character and putting a knife to them is beginning to dissipate as we are less and less worried that a character will die from having a sharp implement repeatedly stuck into vital organs. 

Scream 5 is a minor course correction for this issue. In Scream 5, a main character finally dies from repeated stab wounds. It's a rare shocking moment in a franchise that is growing short on shockers as it ages into adulthood as a franchise that is now in its mid-20s. The death of this main character, which, by now, most of you are aware of, caught many off guard when the film was released in 2022. It's a shock death that may be responsible for reviving the franchise, even as this character was widely beloved and a reason many enjoyed this franchise for so long. 

That death aside, Scream 5 revives the franchise in other ways. Most importantly by providing a pair of leads who are likable and easy to root for. First and foremost, young Jenna Ortega, who has since this film, shot to fame on the Netflix Addams Family series, Wednesday, joined the franchise as seemingly the first victim. In an upending of expectations however, Ortega's Tara Carpenter survived her multiple stab wounds. The attack on Tara introduces the actual new face of the Scream franchise, Melissa Barrera as Tara's older sister, Sam Carpenter. 

Sam has been apart from her family for some time but she returns to her hometown of Woodsboro when she learns that someone attacked her sister. Joining her is her boyfriend and co-worker, Richie Kirsch (Jack Quaid), a bit of a doofus but a seemingly decent guy. When Tara decides to investigate the attack on her sister, she also drafts in Tara's friends, Twins Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown) and Chad (Mason Gooding), and Wes (Dylan Minnette). Together, the group seeks out the one person who might be able to shed some light on the attempted murderer or murderers, former Woodsboro Sheriff Dewey Riley (David Arquette). 



Now back in Woodsboro and living in a trailer home, pining for his ex-wife Gale (Courtney Cox), who remains in New York as a big time news anchor, Dewey is reluctant to get involved in another Woodsboro murder spree. Dewey's been through this a lot, lost a lot of people and survived having been stabbed many, many times. To say that he's not eager to go back into the fray against a brand new Ghostface is an understatement. But, when he finds out about Tara's secret connection to the original Ghostface killers, he decides to get involved. 

In a move that was controversial, to say the least, the new Scream creative team, directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett and writers James Vanderbilt and Guy Busick, have introduced a seemingly supernatural element to the Scream franchise. Via Tara's connection to one of the original Ghostface killers, we find that long dead murderer having conversations with and giving advice to Tara as she fights for the life of herself and her friends against the new Ghostface killers. It's a strange choice and one that I can understand was quite off-putting to long time fans of the franchise. 

That said, I really liked seeing this actor back in the Scream franchise. I enjoyed the way his introduction into this story became a red herring and a sort of secret superpower for Tara that evened the playing field a bit between the killers who could seemingly be anywhere at any time and their target, Tara. Supernatural elements absolutely violate the canon of the Scream franchise but, considering how often the main characters of the franchise have survived numerous stab wounds and gunshot wounds, one could argue that the supernatural was creeping into the Scream franchise throughout the run of the series. 

Scream 5 was intended to be a passing of the torch from one generation to the next. Thus, we get the return of Neve Campbell as Sidney Prescott. Now a mom with a life thriving outside the spotlight of her survival of multiple murder attempts, Sidney returns to Westboro following the death of that main character I mentioned earlier. One thing that Scream 5 absolutely gets right is the reunion of Courtney Cox's Gale and Campbell's Sidney. I was legitimately choked up by the sight of the two of them together, especially under the circumstances of the moment. Scream 5 gets this lovely moment right and it sets a good tone for the rest of the movie. 

The final act of Scream 5 moves at a good clip and the motivation of the dual killers of this Scream iteration are well played out, darkly humorous, as is tradition, and filled with bloody, bloody violence. Stab wounds are rendered mostly ineffective by the end of Scream 5, a fact that dooms Scream 6, as you can read in my 2023 pan of that film, but only after we've reached the credits of this take on the series. Stabbing is losing its potency, but it isn't until we find our main characters are completely indestructible that in Scream 6 that the movie completely rolls into a sad parody of itself. 

I was quite surprised by how much I liked Scream 5. I liked the new characters, I enjoyed the murderous set pieces that carried some genuine suspense, and I really enjoyed the use of our Scream originals. David Arquette, Neve Campbell, and Courtney Cox are old hands at this point but each remains a welcome and beloved presence in these films. Scream 6, in fact, suffers from a lack of Campbell's steady, graceful and resourceful presence. But Scream 5 has our beloved trio and each is used to wonderful degree to welcome the new cast and establish this new era for the franchise. Sadly, as I write this review after having seen Scream 6, the new era of Scream has already crashed and burned in my estimation. But, at least Scream 5 was good. 



Classic Movie Review Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993) 

Directed by Stuart Gillard 

Written by Stuart Gillard 

Starring Paige Turco, Elias Koteas 

Release Date March 19th, 1993 

Published June 2023 

It was clear that the makers of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise was fast losing steam right about the time Vanilla Ice appeared in TMNT 2 to rap the phrase 'Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!' It's at about that point that as a culture we had come to the conclusion that the necessity for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle feature film was no longer a necessity. And yet, against all good sense and taste, the makers of the franchise pressed on with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a screamingly minor entry in a franchise that had only narrowly found the energy for one and one half part of a movie and sequel. 

And yet, someone forked over a $21 million dollar budget to send the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in time to some loose configuration of a past somewhere in Asia. Time travel is yet another signpost in the sweaty, desperate creation of a third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Someone really promised more than they could possibly deliver to convince anyone that this was worth doing. Nothing in the film certainly justifies why this sequel was ever brought to the light of day, let alone unleashed on an unsuspecting public in movie theaters. 

My heart goes out to the parents of 1993 who must have napped or stayed in the car while their kids watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. The chore of sitting through this nonsense is like a parent being grounded by their kid and made to sit in time out for 90 minutes. This is a screamingly inessential film, a movie that has no right to exist in any way and yet somehow it does. Time, effort, and cold hard cash was dedicated to bringing this movie to the world and, for the life of me, I cannot imagine why. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them

The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them (1993) 

Directed by Matthew Meshakoff 

Written by Noah Stern 

Starring Arye Gross, Kevin Pollak, Courtney Cox, Julie Brown

Release Date March 26th, 1993 

Published June 9th, 2023 

There is a scene in the 1993 'romantic comedy' The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them that demonstrates the ugly toxicity of the early 1990s. Courtney Cox has gone to the beach with her new boyfriend, played by a sentient loaf of wonder bread named Arye Gross. As he lounges on the beach, Gross's friends grab Cox and drag her away to play some beach game. When she returns, she's nude, save for a towel. His friends have stripped her naked during this 'game' and she was able to limp back to her boyfriend who could not be less interested in her plight. 

Cox's character appears shaken by this. She makes clear that she did not consent to being stripped nude by her boyfriend's friends. And yet, the tone of the scene is clearly comic. We are expected to laugh about this implied sexual assault. We know this because Gross appears to find this situation very funny as he jokingly blames her for letting his friends drag her into their game. Apparently, she should have known better. That scene is par for the course on how ugly, toxic, and misogynistic this movie is, especially through the lens of 30 years later. 

For those thinking I am going to defend this in any way by saying 'it was a different time,' I will not be doing that. What happened in this scene was wrong when it took place as it remains wrong today. This casual attitude toward assault is reflective of a culture at the time that excused far too much awful male behavior with the phrase 'boys will be boys.' That attitude is almost always followed by an admonishment of the victim, blaming the woman for putting herself into this situation. You can think, it's just a movie or it's just this movie, but this movie is a product of the attitudes of the time. It's a reflection of the casual ugliness around it. 

The entirety of The Opposite Sex and How to Live With Them is terrifically awful. Moment one to moment last, this very stupid, mind-numbing 'romantic comedy' is never funny. It's a cringe inducing relic and somehow, it's a mere 30 years ago that this gross movie was released. If you wonder why we are reckoning with toxic masculinity and a culture of sexual harassment to this day, this movie is indicative of where we were just three decades ago. It was a time when were so comfortable with men assaulting an unwilling female victim that we made a joke of the assault in a romantic comedy. Let that sink in for a moment. 



Movie Review Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Directed by Luc Besson 

Written by Luc Besson

Starring Cara Delavigne, Dane DeHaan, Clive Owen, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke 

Release Date July 21st, 2017 

I cannot decide which is the more difficult type of review: positive without fawning, negative without being mean-spirited or ambivalent. The last type of review is where I find myself with the new movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets:; utter and complete ambivalence. There is much to admire about the latest from director Luc Besson (The Fifth Element, Leon: The Professional, among others) but there is also plenty of empty, sci-fi spectacle.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets stars Dane Dahaan (The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Chronicle) as Agent Valerian who, alongside his partner Sgt. Laureline (Cara Delavingne), are investigating a monstrous and ever growing space station that is home to some form of every species in the universe. Our agents are on hand, however, to investigate a threat to the so-called city of a thousand planets.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review The Big Sick

The Big Sick (2017) 

Directed by Michael Showalter 

Written by Emily V. Gordon, Kumail Nanjiani 

Starring Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Ray Romano, Holly Hunter

Release Date June 23rd, 2017 

The Big Sick broke my heart into a million little pieces and slowly pieced it back together throughout its gentle, sweet and very, very funny 120 minutes. Featuring an unconventional but brilliant lead performer, a radiant love interest and two of the best possible supporting players anyone could ask for, The Big Sick is, thus far, the best movie of 2017.

Kumail Nanjiani stars in the mostly true story of his love story with real life wife Emily Gordon, who also co-wrote the screenplay for the film with Kumail. The unconventional love story finds Kumail struggling to balance the demands of his traditional Pakistani born family with his desire to live outside the strictures of religion and in a more conventional style of American, big city life.

Still discovering who he is and what he believes in, Kumail stumbles into a romance with Emily, played by Zoe Kazan, equally thoughtful and searching young person. While each playfully and sarcastically discusses their unwillingness to become attached to the other the attraction becomes something neither can deny as they discover in each other pieces of themselves that they didn’t know existed.

Click here for my review of The Big Sick at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review Blind

Blind (2017) 

Directed by Michael Mailer 

Written by John Buffalo Mailer 

Starring Demi Moore, Alec Baldwin

Release Date July 14th, 2017 

In nearly 20 years as a film critic, I have seen more than my share of terrible movies. I have seen The Room without the Rifftrax commentary track. I sat all the way through The Happening with my mind reeling at the incompetence of M. Night shyamalan’s most incomprehensible work. And I have seen all the Transformers movies which should qualify me for some sort of movie critic combat pay. But in nearly 20 years I can genuinely say I have never seen anything quite like Blind.

Blind is a film of such remarkable, incomprehensible awfulness that it can comfortably stand alongside the oeuvre of Tommy Wiseau and not feel out of place. Directed by longtime producer and first-time director Michael Mailer, Blind takes very talented, formerly big name stars, Alec Baldwin and Demi Moore, and renders them as amateurs via a script, editing, and direction that could only kindly be described as amateurish at best, and blatantly, intentionally incompetent at worst.




Movie Review The House

The House (2017) 

Directed by Andrew Jay Cohen

Written by Brendan O'Brien 

Starring Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Jason Mantzoukas, Jeremy Renner, Nick Kroll 

Release Date June 30th, 2017

Oh, how I hate The House! This one note joke of a comedy about morons trying to send their daughter to an upscale college is an embarrassing and sad mess. Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler star in The House as a married couple about to empty their nest when they send their daughter off to Bucknell University. However, when they lose out on their daughter’s scholarship due to a scheme by a corrupt city council member (Nick Kroll) they are forced into criminal behavior to make their daughter’s college dream come true.

Ferrell and Poehler play Scott and Kate, a married couple with the believability and romantic chemistry of a brother and sister. With no options to send their daughter to college they decide to take up their friend Frank’s advice and join him in running an illegal casino out of his mini suburban mansion. Playing off the cliché that the house always wins they set out to steal the money of their neighborhood friends who are so eager to break the monotony of suburbia that they don’t mind losing loads of money to do it.

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review Megalopolis

 Megalopolis  Directed by Francis Ford Coppola  Written by Francis Ford Coppola  Starring Adam Driver, Nathalie Emmanuel, Giancarlo Esposito...