Horror in the 90s The Guardian

The Guardian (1990)

Directed by William Friedkin

Written by Stephen Volk, William Friedkin

Starring Dwier Brown, Carey Lowell, Jenny Seagrove

Release Date April 27th, 1990

Box Office $17,000,000

The Guardian stars Dwier Brown and Carey Lowell as Phil and Kate Sterling. Phil and Kate have just moved to Los Angeles and have just found out they are having their first baby. Exciting times continue as their two jobs afford them a lovely suburban home and the ability to hire a nanny to care for their baby. The nanny they end up with is Camilla, played by Jenny Seagrove. Camilla got the job after the woman they initially wanted disappeared.

We know that that woman, played in a cameo by the wonderful Teresa Randle, has been badly injured, or possibly killed in a bike accident. We see this but it’s never clear if Phil and Kate are aware of what happened. Regardless, they appear quite pleased with hiring Camilla who appears to be warm and caring and has good references that they choose not to look into because she appears so sweet and sincere. What Phil and Kate don’t know however, is that a baby Camilla cared for in her last job, went missing under suspicious circumstances.

This sounds vaguely like the plot of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, doesn’t it. Indeed, The Guardian, at one point, was envisioned as a thriller along that line, one taking advantage of the fears of young parents. Then, at another point, The Guardian was envisioned as a broad horror comedy to be directed by Sam Raimi about a mystical being that cares for an ancient tree by providing the tree with the blood of babies. When Raimi left the project and was replaced by directing legend William Friedkin, the director of The Exorcist apparently decided to mash these two disparate premises together.

Thus we have The Guardian a horror-thriller about an evil enchanted tree protector who steals babies from unsuspecting couples to feed her evil enchanted tree. This sounds comic but it is not intended to be funny in any way. It is however, just as sloppy, slipshod, and silly, as such a mash-up of movies would inevitably be. Friedkin choosing to keep both movies that The Guardian used to be and trying to awkwardly weld them together ends up delivering a desperately confused and unintentionally funny horror mess.

Find my full length review at Horror.Media



Movie Review Kidnap

Kidnap (2017) 

Directed by Luis Prieto

Written by Knate Lee 

Starring Halle Berry, Lew Temple

Release Date August 4th, 2017

Halle Berry has been on an astonishing losing streak at the box office since she won the Academy Award for her starring role in Monster’s Ball. Ever since the night she won people’s hearts with her teary and historic Oscar acceptance speech, Berry has made one wrong turn after another whether making bad big budget comic book movies, all X-Men sequels or spinoffs, or bad low budget thrillers, Perfect Stranger, Gothika, The Call, or head-scratching, defiantly awful fare such as Movie 43, Cloud Atlas and Catwoman, Berry seemed bent on full career sabotage.

This brings us to Kidnap which by default, Things We Lost in the Fire wasn’t bad, may be the best movie Berry has made in well over a decade. The story of a mother attempting to retrieve her stolen child, Kidnap may be a super low budget, cheapie thriller, but Berry gives the role all she’s got, even if she is occasionally out shined by her magical car-chase minivan.

In Kidnap Berry portrays Karla Dyson, a waitress who somehow can afford a brand-new Ford minivan on a salary of tips and minimum wage. Karla is amid a divorce and a custody battle when she takes her son Frankie (Sage Correa) to a carnival at a local park. When her divorce attorney calls, Karla takes her eye off her son for a moment and doesn’t see him again until she spies a large woman wrestling the boy into a beat up old Mustang.

After attempting to wrestle the Mustang to a stop with her momma bear determination, Karla loads into her minivan to give chase and Kidnap becomes an almost non-stop car chase thriller. I will say this for director Luis Prieto, he keeps up a quick pace. Kidnap comes and goes in just over 80 minutes and there is very little fat on the narrative. The film’s camera work and editing can be a tad too chaotic but that’s likely a function of the setting, a New Orleans highway system, and the film’s very tight budget.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review The Dark Tower

The Dark Tower (2017) 

Directed by Nikolaj Arcel

Written by Akiva Goldsman, Jeff Pinkner, Anders Thomas Jensen, Nikolaj Arcel

Starring Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date August 4th, 2017 

To whomever said that Stephen King’s epic novel The Dark Tower was un-adaptable to the big screen, we owe you a Coke. The supremely silly movie sequel to King’s dense Dark Tower book series is an embarrassment to all involved from King to director Nicolaj Arcel to Academy Award winning star Matthew McConaughey and Academy Award nominated producer Ron Howard, who for some reason passed on directing The Dark Tower himself; golly, I can’t imagine why?

The work of the prolific Mr. King seems to resist adaptation in the same way a country might resist an invading army. Don’t misunderstand, some have managed to pull off the trick; Stanley Kubrick made The Shining, though Stephen King hated his adaptation; Frank Darabont did okay with The Green Mile but again, King hated that one as well and even The Shawshank Redemption wasn’t beloved by the creator even as audiences loved it. Of the 50 or so King properties made into television or feature films, only a handful have turned out watchable and The Dark Tower is not one of those movies.

Idris Elba is the star of The Dark Tower as Roland the Eld, a Gunslinger living on a Middle Earth where everything has been lost to some sort of apocalypse started by the evil Walter (Matthew McConaughey), a sorcerer(?) bent on destroying the Dark Tower which stands in the middle of a dozen or so galaxies and protects from the ultimate evil beyond the stars. Standing alongside Roland is teenager Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) whose visionary nightmares brought him to this middle earth, not the Lord of the Rings one, a Stephen King one, where he hopes to prevent the apocalypse on his version of Earth(?). (The movie is such a mess it's impossible to say whether Walter is a sorcerer or what Jake's motivations truly are, hence all the question marks.)

The Dark Tower was director by Nicolaj Arcel who seems entirely over-matched by this material. Arcel’s previous effort was the studious period piece A Royal Affair and it showed he could wrangle a sweet period piece romance but I am not sure what producer Ron Howard saw in that film that led them to believe Arcel could marshal the silliness of The Dark Tower into anything other than another abominable Stephen King adaptation.

Poor Matthew McConaughey takes it on the chin for the cast of The Dark Tower. While Taylor has youth as an excuse and while Elba can fall back on the cool Gunslinger persona, McConaughey is adrift as the ultimate evil, Walter. Sure, he’s also referred to as The Man in Black but even then, his costume includes a long coat with shoulder pads that make him look more 80s Dynasty diva than ultimate evil. Why they decided that the ultimate evil, worse than the Devil, Roland claims, should be called Walter is one of several bizarre decisions made by the creators of The Dark Tower. Sure, that could be something from King's book but even then, they could have written that part out of the movie considering how this is a follow-up to the books and not a straight adaptation.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review Masters of the Universe

Masters of the Universe (1987) 

Directed by Gary Goddard

Written by David Odell 

Starring Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox, Frank Langella

Release Date August 7th, 1987 

The legendary John Waters once defined camp, on an episode of The Simpsons, as “The tragically ludicrous, the ludicrously tragic.” The 1987 movie Masters of the Universe pre-dates that definition of camp by more than a decade but nevertheless defines it perfectly. Masters of the Universe is a tragically ludicrous idea undermined by greed, hubris and the outright silly notion that just because something catches on with child audiences it can be translated to film in anything other than a pathetic attempt at pandering.

There are several famous Hollywood stories from the behind the scenes creation of Masters of the Universe but few capture the essence of this horrible idea for a movie in the way that this one does. One day, Dolph Lundgren’s Rocky 4 co-star Sylvester Stallone visited the set of Masters of the Universe and seeing his former co-star exchanging dialogue with co-star Courtney Cox, Stallone expressed his apoplexy by asking an executive on set “You gave that guy dialogue?”

Indeed, Dolph Lundgren is given dialogue and through his remarkably thick accent even the simple catchphrase “I HAVE THE POWER” comes off like The Simpsons' hilarious Schwarzenegger parody, Rainier Wolfcastle, attempting a similar line from that shows' movie within a show about the fake comic book hero Radioactive Man. Undoubtedly, The Simpsons writers must have been huge ironic fans of Masters of the Universe.

Masters of the Universe was a compromised product from its very conception but that could not be clearer to fans of He-Man than in the film’s first scenes. The very first thing that happens in Masters of the Universe is that the villain Skeletor (Frank Langella, poor, misguided Frank Langella), has accomplished his long-time cartoon goal of taking over the fictional planet of Eternia. Fans can be forgiven for being floored by this as the cartoon series had been built around the battle to protect Castle Greyskull and its universe conquering powers from Skeletor and he’s just accomplished his greatest goal off-screen.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review The Legend of Ben Hall

The Legend of Ben Hall (2017)

Directed by Matthew Holmes

Written by Matthew Holmes

Starring Jack Martin, Jamie Coffa 

Release Date August 1st, 2017

We have a tendency in America to believe that our pop culture is the only culture to embrace our anti-heroes, those rugged criminals whose lives we romanticize into fantasy for reasons we can’t quite rationalize with what these men did. But rhapsodizing about the criminal as pseudo-hero is a truly worldwide phenomenon. The latest example of the worldwide nature of the celebration of anti-heroes comes from Australia with the story of criminal icon Ben Hall, the subject of the Bushranger epic The Legend of Ben Hall which is now available on DVD and On-Demand services in America.

Ben Hall (Jack Martin) was the quintessential Bushranger, a criminal but a criminal with a personal ethic. In the years since Ben Hall has been robbing stagecoaches with his band of criminal brothers, he never took a life. Ben may not exactly be noble, he is an unquestionably dangerous man committing real crimes, but his no murder stance, at the very least, render a criminal with scruples. Ben is haunted by the way in which his wife Biddy (Joanne Dobbin) left him for another man and took their child and he intends to take the boy back once he steals enough money for safe travel to America.

Joining Jack is the far more dangerous outlaw, John Gilbert (Jamie Coffa), whose best quality is his loyalty to Ben; it’s the only thing that keeps Gilbert from becoming an outright psychopath. Together, Ben and John recruit Jon Dunn (William Lee) and they begin a reign of terror on Australian banks that led the banks and the government to extreme measures to fight back. Those extreme measures eventually led to a moment of reckoning for a bloodthirsty army of thug law enforcers and the Australian military which compromised their ethics eventually to put an end to Ben Hall and his gang.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media



Classic Movie Review Fire in the Sky

Fire in the Sky (1993) 

Directed by Robert Lieberman 

Written by Tracy Torme 

Starring Robert Patrick, D.B Sweeney, Craig Sheffer 

Release Date March 12th, 2023 

Published June, 2023  

A group of friends worked together on a scam to convince the world that one of them was abducted by aliens. For me, this is a much more interesting story than treating the lie these men told as if it actually happened. Unfortunately, that's the approach director Robert Lieberman and writer Tracy Torme went with in making Fire in the Sky, pretending the lie was the truth. By pretending that this man was actually abducted by aliens, the filmmakers cosigned the lie and colluded to provide credence to the grift of these men that, for at least of them, continues to to this day. 

Fire in the Sky asks you to believe that in 1975 a man named Travis Walton was abducted by aliens while his friends watched in shock and horror. The 'friends' ran away, leaving Travis seemingly for dead. Several days later, a naked and traumatized Travis was found a full town away shivering inside of a shed. In Fire in the Sky, D.B Sweeney provides a reasonably shaken and angst ridden performance as Travis Walton. And, because he's an actor whose been given direction on how to portray this trauma, he makes it look as if this is what really happened to Travis Walton, perhaps better than Walton himself ever could. 

The story of Travis's disappearance is told in a dimwitted flashback. Apparently the filmmakers half-watched Rashomon and took a minor inspiration that pretends to art but falls squarely into melodrama. Familiar faces Robert Patrick, Peter Berg, Craig Scheffer and Henry Thomas play Travis friends who, for a time, were suspected of having killed Travis, at least according to the movie. The real story of what happened to Travis Walton is that he and his friends perpetrated a hoax that Walton has exploited for financial gain for years. 

They sold the story to The Enquirer, a disreputable tabloid that claimed that Walton and his friends passed a lie detector test. The reality is, The Enquirer had just as much to gain from Travis Walton's made up abduction story as he did. Skeptical investigators who performed tests on Walton found that he was trying to beat the lie detector through various means that had been shared in books out around that time. One lie detector test that Walton ended with the administrator calling Walton's story a 'gross deception.' 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Documentary Review: Roadrunner Film About Anthony Bourdain

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain (2021) 

Directed by Morgan Neville 

Written by Documentary 

Starring Anthony Bourdain, Asia Argento 

Release Date July 16th, 2021 

Published June 17th, 2023 

Late in the new documentary Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain, a friend recalls asking Bourdain how he managed to quit his heroin addiction cold turkey. This was a foreign concept to Bourdain’s friend, a fellow addict, who could not begin to imagine that level of willpower. Bourdain offered no real answer, just that he’d done it. It quickly dawned on Bourdain’s friend that Bourdain may have beaten heroin but he hadn’t beaten addiction. 

Instead of heroin, Anthony Bourdain’s addiction jumped to other sources of pleasure or pain or experience, unattainable highs that could never be sustained in the same fashion that addiction to any drug either ends in death or simply losing the ability to get high all together. To me, this is a fascinating and thoughtful insight. Director Morgan Nevillve had a similar fascination with what Bourdain’s friend mentioned, how his addiction jumped from heroin to other types of obsession. 

In the immediate aftermath of Bourdain’s friend relating this story we join Bourdain learning Jiu Jitsu. Bourdain was obsessed with Jiu Jitsu for a time, an all consuming obsession, addiction, that drove the people around him crazy. Another of Bourdain’s friends, a member of the crew of his television series, recalled being irritated by Bourdain droning on endlessly about the benefits of Jiu Jitsu, he was relentless in talking about things he was passionate about. 

Bourdain applied this passionate obsessive quality to people as well, his wives, and his girlfriends. In a disturbing example of Bourdain’s obsession with and his addiction to very specific things, the movie recalls a time when Bourdain was speaking of his then girlfriend, actress Asia Argento, and going on and on about what he’d determined to be, her remarkable ability to parallel park. There is a look on Bourdain’s face as he’s discussing Argento’s ability to park a car in Italy that approaches madness, his eyes are wide, his gestures are broad and Argento appears deeply uncomfortable. 

It could be argued that director Morgan Neville frames this scene to underline the effect but regardless, I couldn’t help but feel the implied discomfort and Bourdain’s mad obsessive zeal. The documentary frames Bourdain’s entire relationship with Argento, which came in the last years of his life, as an addiction. Bourdain was deeply lonely after the end of his second marriage and is seen to wonder if he is someone who can be loved. 

In 1999 Anthony Bourdain, then already into middle age and seeing his life as one of working as a chef until they dragged his corpse from the kitchen, began writing a series of emails to a friend. This friend happened to be married to a publisher and after urging his wife to read Anthony’s breathlessly intelligent, urgent, and provocative words in these emails, the wife was sold, she needed to publish Anthony Bourdain. 

That is the story that led to Bourdain’s national breakthrough, the bestselling book, Kitchen Confidential which turned Bourdain into the bad boy of celebrity chefs. The book was an immediate smash success story which almost spawned a movie adaptation starring Brad Pitt and did spawn a brief and uninspired television series starring Bradley Cooper. Fame didn’t come easy to Bourdain but once he embraced it, his life was changed forever. 

The success of Kitchen Confidential led to Bourdain’s own series on The Food Network called A Cook’s Tour. The team behind Bourdain’s television series tell a terrific story about that show and how Anthony Bourdain was not the bon vivant personality that he would come to be known as, not right away. In fact, on the first trip for the show, Bourdain was listless and withdrawn, he refused to play the part of host and it appeared that the show was doomed. 

It wasn’t until the crew arrived in Vietnam when things began to click. Bourdain loved Vietnam, it also helped that his friend and former restaurant boss joined him and perhaps brought out a friendlier and more excitable version of Bourdain. From there it was off to the races on a career that would touch the lives of millions of fans and inspire wandering souls to discover their own inner traveler. 

From the outside, Anthony Bourdain had everything. His job was to go to cool places, have adventures, and eat food. His travels were exotic and beautiful and also provocative. Through his travels, the bad boy chef transformed into a deeply empathetic soul eager to tell the stories of the people behind the culture and food he was experiencing. This proved to be exhilarating television and in many ways, an exhilarating life but the strain on Bourdain comes clear as Roadrunner unfolds. The heart wrenching stories Bourdain sometimes told weighed on him more than his cool exterior let on.  

In 2018 Anthony Bourdain shocked the world by taking his own life in the midst of a shoot for his travel series Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. His death was a stark reminder that while you think you know a celebrity or you assume that someone on television has a life that is a dream come true, you really don’t know them. This aspect of not knowing Bourdain but wanting to, drive so much of Roadrunner. 



Some have claimed that the troubled end to Bourdain's relationship with Asia Argento led him to take his life. Many read Roadrunner: A Film Abouut Anthony Bourdain as making that case, that Argento holds a responsibility in Bourdain's death. I don't see the movie quite that way. I feel that director Morgan Neville lays out the case that Bourdain's various addictions are what drove him toward a tragic end. Having chased a particular kind of high for his entire life, he finally reached a place where that high was no longer attainable. 

I believe, based on what Neville shows us in Roadrunner, that Bourdain was 'addicted' to his relationship with Argento in a deeply unhealthy fashion. That parallel parking story may be cringe-inducing in many ways, but I believe it is the thesis statement on Bourdain's obsessive personality, his addiction to Argento being the latest thing that had driven his lust for life. When that 'supply,' if you will indulge that as a metaphor for a human being, is cutoff, Bourdain simply felt he could not go on. That's not Asia Argento's fault. This type of obsession with another person is not healthy and it was perhaps better for Argento herself, regardless of whoever she might be as a person, I don't know her, to get out of that relationship. 

If you've never been the subject of another person's obsession, you don't know how strange and suffocating that can be. If you are the subject of someone else's obsession, you need to get out of it. It's not something that can be sustained or repaired. We happen to have some visual evidence of Bourdain's obsession with Argento and it's strange and haunting. It starts out humorous and slowly morphs into something pitiable and deeply uncomfortable. Anthony Bourdain's obsessions are what led to his death. His desire to be obsessed with something to distract him from unspoken anguish he felt and did not process or seek help for, are why we no longer have his brilliant mind in the world. 

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain is brilliant, beautiful and tragic. It's incredibly difficult to watch but it's also engrossing and enlightening. It's a story that aches to be told. That it exists is a warning to anyone that an unexamined emotional pain is as dangerous and deadly as an unexamined and untreated open wound. Anthony Bourdain was bleeding emotionally and was unfortunately unwilling or unable to seek treatment for it. Roadrunner then is a cautionary tale about such deep emotional wounds. 

Movie Review Megalopolis

 Megalopolis  Directed by Francis Ford Coppola  Written by Francis Ford Coppola  Starring Adam Driver, Nathalie Emmanuel, Giancarlo Esposito...