Classic Movie Review Coneheads

Coneheads (1993)

Directed by Steve Barron

Written by Tom Davis, Dan Akroyd, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner 

Starring Dan Akroyd, Jane Curtin, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Sinbad, Michelle Burke 

Release Date July 23rd, 2023 

Published August 30th, 2023 

Am I more mature or less fun? It's a sad question that I was forced to confront as I sat through another movie from my youth that was not nearly as much fun as I remembered. Coneheads is an utterly dreadful movie. When I was a teenager, with a heavy nostalgia for the glory years of SNL that, admittedly, I had only experienced via reruns, I liked Coneheads The Movie. As I once said in a column on this very website, linked here, movies don't change, you do. That's very clear to me after watching Coneheads for what I thought would be a nostalgic look back at a cult favorite. 

Coneheads began life as a popular running sketch on SNL in the late 1970s. Beldar and Prymaat Conehead (Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtin), are aliens from the planet Remulak who are hiding out on Earth and trying to cover up the fact that they are very obviously aliens. They have giant cone shaped heads and they speak in a staccato monotone, like some kind of robot affecting a human voice. That's the joke, the juxtaposition of the attempts by Beldar and Prymaat to seem like suburban Americans versus the tension of them obviously being aliens. 

It's a great sketch premise. I imagine that it is a premise that Dan Akroyd had in mind for many years before he got his big break on SNL. It has the feel of something improvised on stage at Groundlings or Second City show. On SNL that improvised vibe fueled the 5 to 6 minute sketches with one character entering the world of the Coneheads and obliviously accepting the premise that these are normal suburban parents or someone growing more and more frustrated in their attempt to prove that they are aliens. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Hardware

Hardware (1990) 

Directed by Richard Stanley 

Written by Steve McManus, Richard Stanley, Kevin O'Neill 

Starring Dylan McDermott, Stacy Travis, John Lynch 

Release Date September 14th, 1990 

Box Office $5.1 million 

You know your career is not going well when someone makes a documentary about your being fired. Richard Stanley became infamous in 1994 when his first major studio directing job went worse than it could have possibly gone. The behind the scenes documentary, Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley's The Island of Dr. Moreau, is an all timer in terms of epic film boondoggles. Stanley went over budget, fought with executives, lost the star of his film 2 days into filming, was forced to watch as Mother Nature destroyed his multi-million dollar sets and then was fired during filming. 

Then, taking a bad situation and making it even crazier, a distressed and lunatic Stanley, snuck back onto the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau, made up like one of the movie monster extras, and was able to appear in several scenes as a background player. No joke, the fired director can be seen writhing and shrieking with his fellow freaks in a couple scenes in the final cut of The Island of Dr. Moreau. It's the kind of story that goes down in Hollywood lore and it all really happened to the young director who was making his major studio debut with a ludicrous cast that included the infamous Marlon Brando and even more risky and infamous Val Kilmer. 

The epic mishap of The Island of Dr. Moreau will be the lead in Richard Stanley's obituary one day. Perhaps, somewhere near the bottom of the article, there will be a mention for the rather ingenious, low budget sci-fi horror movie that brought him to the set of The Island of Dr. Moreau, 1990's Hardware. This hybrid of horror, steampunk, and post-apocalyptic sci-fi is kind of genius and kind of deeply awkward. This is likely due to the director making one thing and executives, led by Harvey Weinstein, wanting the film to be cut to a length that was potentially more commercial, the point and purpose of the film be damned. 

Hardware is a movie that is sort of about how advancements in technology have begun to dehumanize us, reprogram us, and convince us to give up more of our freedom for a sense of security. Through the story of Mo (Dylan McDermott), a scavenger, and Jill (Stacy Travis) we get a glimpse of the modern condition of the world, one where scrappers can thrive if they are willing to risk their lives and artists, like Jill, struggle to get by despite creating transcendent works of art, things that belong in museums that no longer exist. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Documentary Review The Disappearance of Shere Hite

The Disappearance of Shere Hite (2023) 

Directed by Nicole Newnham

Written by Documentary 

Narrated by Dakota Johnson 

Release Date January 20th, 2023 

Published August 27th, 2023 

I pride myself on being aware of cultural phenomena, even ones that happened before I was born. I have made efforts to be aware of many odd little corners of pop ephemera from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. And, of course, there were inescapable phenomena such as Woodstock or Disco, Roots as both a book and a TV Miniseries. I made it my business to know at least a little about a lot of things. So how did I not know about Shere Hite? Her series of books called The Hite Report were a massive phenomenon. She sold millions of copies, appeared on every talk show of the 70s and 80s and into the early 90s. 

And yet, I don't recall anything about her. The documentary The Disappearance of Shere Hite makes a remarkable case that Shere Hite's legacy was buried intentionally by a culture terrified of having a genuine conversation about sex and of a woman who spoke openly about male sexual insecurities. What Hite did could not have been more rigorous and thoughtful and she was punished for it with exile after a years and years of men, especially those who had not actually read her book, bashed her in print and in television interviews. It cannot be called a coordinated attack, there was no one man behind removing Shere Hite's legacy, but there were many men, a confederacy of dunces, who worked to dismiss, undermine and destroy a prominent female intellectual and feminist. 

In many ways, the story of Shere Hite is the story of a woman living her life online in 2023. Even before the invention of Twitter where anonymous pundits can share uninformed opinions from the comfort of made up personas, Shere Hite was being met by waves of men who sought any reason to discredit and demean her work, her effort, and her life in general. Whether it was pointing out that she worked as a model and occasionally posed nude, including in Playboy, or just out and out lying about the methodology behind her writing, men called Shere Hite a whore and a liar all while rarely, if ever, confronting her actual findings and what they tell us about the modern sexual attitudes of the 70s, 80s, and early 90s. 

Hite's first book, The Hite Report, sent out thousands of anonymous questionnaires with deeply personal and sexual questions specifically for women. The goal was to create a safe space for women to talk about their bodies, their desires and whether they are sexually satisfied in their current relationships. Hite received thousands of detailed responses from women addressing sex from different economic statuses, racial and religious categories, and so much more. What she found was that a lot of women were convinced that something was wrong with them and it meant that they could not reach orgasm. One of the most controversial theories the book put forward was that clitoral stimulation and not vaginal penetration was more likely to produce a satisfying orgasm. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media 

Movie Review Back on the Strip

Back on the Strip (2023) 

Directed by Chris Spencer

Written by Eric Daniel, Chris Spencer

Starring Spencer Moore II, Tiffany Haddish, Wesley Snipes, J.B Smoove, Bill Bellamy, Faizon Love 

Release Date August 18th, 2023 

Published August 23rd, 2023 

Why is this movie called Back on the Strip? That's a rhetorical question that I am merely using as a jumping off point, don't try to answer it. The main character of Back on the Strip has a role that fits neither of the two meanings the title implies. Merlin (Spencer Moore II) is not back on the strip in Las Vegas, he's never been there before. And Merlin has never stripped down as a professional stripper before. Thus, he can't be 'Back on the Strip.' I call him the main character because the movie revolves entirely around Merlin and yet you can sense that no one involved in the making of this movie has any interest in Merlin or confidence that lead actor, Spencer Moore II can carry this movie. 

Back on the Strip should just be called Merlin, or you could call it 'Magic Merlin' and hope that people get that it is a reference to Magic Mike. That would make far more sense than the actual title. Then again, considering that Back on the Strip is a slapdash, slipshod, nonsensical movie to begin with, why does it matter if the title is also nonsense. I'm spending time complaining about the title because complaining about the actual movie is a deeply unappealing obligation that I have. Here we go... 

Back on the Strip is about a dreamer named Merlin. As a kid, Merlin fell in love with magic and dreamed of being a professional magician. Unfortunately, his earliest attempt at achieving his dream was a disaster of epic proportion. Mostly, this failure introduces the running gag and theme of the film, Merlin has a giant penis. I'm not merely saying he has a giant penis, I'm saying his penis is a medical anomaly. The entirety of Back on the Strip hinges upon revealing his secret giant penis and then returning to that as a gag and plot point throughout the rest of the movie. 

Find my full length review at Filthy.Media 

Horror in the 90s Graveyard Shift

Graveyard Shift (1990) 

Directed by Ralph S. Singleton 

Written by John Esposito 

Starring David Andrews, Kelly Wolf, Stephen Macht, Brad Dourif 

Release Date October 26th, 1990 

Box Office $11.6 Million 

Graveyard Shift is a grimy, gross surprise. I had zero expectations for this mostly forgotten monster movie, based on a Stephen King short story, and I was wonderfully surprised by just how boldly gross and silly Graveyard Shift is. Director Ralph S. Singleton has only one credit as a feature film director and credit to him, he made a heck of a unique little monster movie for a guy whose only previous experience was a pair of episodes of Cagney and Lacy. 

Graveyard Shift stars David Andrews as John Hall, a drifter who arrives in a small New England town looking for work. Despite his having just arrived, everyone seems to know that he went to college at some point. Townies call him a college boy and express needless resentment for a group of adults. John does however, make a friend in town. A coworker named Jane takes an interest in John after finding out he's a widower and thus the only attractive and datable man in her zip code. 

I say that John and Jane are coworkers and they are. John has just found work on the overnight or 'Graveyard' shift at a local textile plant owned and operated by the ruthless Warwick (Stephen Macht). Warwick is beyond merely shady, he's covering up multiple deaths that have occurred in his mill. Most recently, the man that John replaced was found mauled to death in the cotton thresher. How he got there is a mystery that will become clear as Graveyard Shift unfolds its monster movie narrative. 

Rats have a big role to play in Graveyard Shift. Let's just say that this is not a movie that PETA would find acceptable. Rats are never a welcome site but the abuse and violence aimed their way in Graveyard Shift is almost enough to make you feel bad for the plague spreading little pests. Rats are everywhere in Graveyard Shift and even our hero John is not afraid to demonstrate his disdain for the little buggers. An important plot point finds John using his trusty slingshot to fire empty soda cans at invading rats near his thresher, unaware that antagonizing the rats got the last guy on this shift killed. 

The rats are responsible for introducing the best thing about Graveyard Shift, the performance of horror movie MVP Brad Dourif. Indulging in his show-stealing, scene-stealing character actor schtick, Dourif plays a deeply gross and tormented exterminator who delights in his chosen profession. That Dourif's rat-catcher is going to die is not in question. How he dies and how gruesome that death will be is only a matter of patience on our part. Until his very expected demise however, Dourif is completely awesome, a wildly out of control weirdo who is so much gross fun to watch. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review Stir of Echoes

Stir of Echoes (1999) 

Directed by David Koepp 

Written by David Koepp 

Starring Kevin Bacon, Kathryn Erbe, Kevin Dunn, Illeana Douglas 

Release Date September 10th 1999 

Published August 21st, 2023 

Stir of Echoes is such a great title. It's both esoteric and evocative. It creates a sense of history being brought swirling back to life but not fully. It's the perfect title for this movie about the echoes of the recent past resounding into to the present and leading into a terrifying and sad future unfolding before Tom Witzky (Kevin Bacon), his wife, Maggie (Kathryn Erbe), their son, Jake (Zachary David Cope), and the tight knit neighborhood that welcomed this family with open arms. 

Six months ago, just before Jake and Maggie moved into their new rented home in closely knit Chicago neighborhood, a young girl went missing. Her name is Samantha Kozac and she's been written off as a runaway by most. Samantha was mentally challenged and this has also been used as an excuse to dismiss her disappearance. Samantha is almost entirely unknown to Jake and Maggie even as they've been brought wholly into their new neighborhood home. 

Jake is a failed musician supporting his family by working as a telephone lineman and bitterly lamenting his life. Maggie is far more content, loving her husband and raising their son Jake. For his part, Jake is a happy little boy who likes to indulge in talking to imaginary beings. At least, that's what it would seem from the outside. In reality, Jake has an innate ability to speak with the dead. Moreover, he's been speaking with Samantha Kozak, though his parents are not aware of this. 

Meanwhile, Jake has a strained relationship with his wife's sister, Lisa (Illeana Douglas). Lisa is a free spirit who is not a fan of grumpy, bitter Jake and isn't afraid to say so. Lisa fancies herself as a hypnotist in training and when challenged about her new profession at a neighborhood party, her conflict with Jake comes to a head. Jake challenges Lisa to hypnotize him and after a little hemming and hawing, she agrees. Taking Jake deep into his own subconscious, Lisa plants a suggestion for Jake open up more and be more receptive to the world around him. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Gran Turismo

Gran Turismo (2023) 

Directed by Neil Blomkamp 

Written by Jason Hall, Zach Baylin 

Starring Archie Medekwe, David Harbour, Orlando Bloom, Djimon Hounsou, Geri Halliwell 

Release Date August 25th, 2023 

Published August 22nd, 2023 

There is nothing particularly wrong with Gran Turismo. It's an occasionally rousing, occasionally emotional, sports movie. It's well acted, it's shot well, the special effects are terrific. So why don't I care about this based on a true story melodrama? It's odd, I can remember enjoying Gran Turismo while I watched it and now, as I sit to write about it, most of the movie has slipped away. I'm left with this sort of vague admiration for Gran Turismo but not much beyond that. I'm having to check and recheck notes that I made and go back to the film synopsis for help. Am I just getting old or did this movie just leave that little of an overall impression. 

Gran Turismo, according to my notes, stars Archie Medekwe as Gran Turismo videogame star player, Jann Mardenborough. Jann has long dreamed of becoming a race car driver but that particular track of profession, is not available to most people. Though the movie only glances in the direction of any kind of social conscience, it's clear that many drivers have had long time ties to family and corporate racing interests. Trying to independently become a race car driver, especially on the European circuit, is beyond merely a pipedream. 

The closest that Jann can come is spending most of his waking hours playing the game Gran Turismo, a real life hit videogame series. Created by Kazunori Yamauchi, Gran Turismo is a painstaking recreation of what it is like to race on European race tracks. Yamauchi dedicated years to capturing the cars, the tracks, pit crew experience, everything down to the minute pieces of the car, in order to create a racing simulator so lifelike, it feels like the real thing. I've never played Gran Turismo, I don't play many videogames, nothing against them, but I was really impressed by the glimpses of the game we get in this movie. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media