Movie Review Poor Things

Poor Things (2023)

Directed by Yorgos Lanthimos

Written by Tony McNamara

Starring Emma Stone, Mark Ruffalo, Willem Dafoe, Rami Youssef 

Release Date December 8th, 2023 

Published November 28th, 2023 

Poor Things is a desperately odd experience. The film stars Emma Stone as Bella Baxter, a woman who died and was brought back to life through highly questionable science, by a mad scientist named Godwin 'God' Baxter. Having rescued Bella following her attempted suicide, Godwin Baxter has made her his daughter and is teaching her how to live again. Bella appears to have the mental age of a toddler as Godwin introduces her to one of his medical students and his newest assistant, Max McCandles (Ramy Youssef). 

It will be Max's job to chart the course of Bella's progress in learning to live again. In the process, Max will fall in love with Bella and invite her to be his bride. But, before the marriage can occur, Bella wants to see the world. She gets the chance to do just that when she meets a lawyer named Duncan Wedderburn, a caddish man who sweeps Bella off her feet and takes her around the world. He introduces her to sex, and she takes to the act with gusto and glee. 

The trip has the effect of expanding Bella's interest in expanding her mind. She becomes an avid and eager reader and even takes to philosophy. This proves to be the downfall of Duncan who can't keep up with Bella's insatiable hungers for learning and for sex. While on a cruise, Bella makes new friends in Miss Prim (Vicki Pepperdine) and Harry Astley (Jerrod Carmichael), each of whom encourage Bella to keep studying and improving herself. Astley is the impetus for Bella to give away all of Duncan's money to the poor leading to the next chapter in her life, moving to Paris. 

In Paris, Bella abandons Duncan and finds work in a Paris brothel. It sounds sexier than it truly is. Yorgos Lanthimos seems to be going out of his way to remove the mystery and excitement from sex. Bella still appreciates sex as an activity but sex with gross, smelly, ungainly men does become somewhat meaningless and mechanical for her. She eventually tries spicing things up by getting the men she sleeps with for money to open up a little and even bathe before coming to see her. 

Click here for my review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review Time Bandits

Time Bandits (1993)

Directed by Terry Gilliam

Written by Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin 

Starring John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, Ian Holm, Craig Warnock 

Release Date July 2nd, 1981 

Published November 28th, 2023 

A young boy is lying in bed, fighting off sleep, but seemingly losing the fight. All of a sudden, a horse with a man in armor bursts out of his cupboard and leaps over his bed before riding off into the distance of his bedroom wall which has somehow become an ancient meadow. You naturally might assume that this is a dream sequence, a short nightmare perhaps. But director Terry Gilliam is toying with you. He has the parents come to the child's room immediately following the nightmare and, though the boy's room is suddenly back in order, the parents claimed he was making quite a lot of noise. They tell him to knock it off and go to bed. 

The following day, our hero, Kevin (Craig Warnock) is desperately eager to get back to bed. He's ready with a flashlight and a polaroid camera at hand in case the armored horseman returns. The Knight does not return but Kevin's bedroom is once again magically transformed. This time, a group of 6 little people carrying a magical map invade Kevin's bedroom and begin to wreak havoc. These six men are on the run from a God-like entity from whom, they have stolen a magical map of time. The map allows them to travel to places throughout world history where they can steal all the treasure they want. 

Naturally, Kevin gets caught up in the time travel chicanery as the bandits take him with them on their journey. The first stop is Italy where they land in the midst of the battle of Castiglione. Then it's off to meet Napoleon in France where they manage to get into Napoleon's inner circle simply because they are the only people Napoleon is taller than. Ian Holm plays Napoleon as a height obsessed goof whose idiocy leads to his new friends stealing his entire treasury. The bandits make a narrow escape with their stolen goods and land somewhere in England in the time of Robin Hood. 

Robin Hood is played by some a****** TERF who I will not name and he assumes that the Bandits treasure is their contribution to his cause, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. This sequence introduces a running gag involving Michael Palin and Shelley Duvall as the most unlucky reincarnated couple in human history. In Robin Hood's era they are robbed multiple times and left to die tied to a tree in their underwear. When we see them again, they are also on the brink of death on a historically doomed voyage. 

The most notable stop on their journey is Mycenaean Greece where King Agamemnon (Sean Connery) is found fighting a minotaur. Kevin is somehow alone, his bandit friends having been dropped somewhere else. With no other option, Kevin accompanies the King back to his palace where he is seemingly adopted by the King and really takes to the idea of staying in Greece and becoming royalty. That is until the bandits do arrive and steal Kevin away via there magical map for another strange and unexpected adventure. 

Click here for my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Napoleon

Napoleon (2023) 

Directed by Ridley Scott 

Written by David Scarpa 

Starring Joaquin Phoenix, Vanessa Kirby 

Release Date November 22nd, 2023 

Published November 27th, 2023 

Napoleon stars Joaquin Phoenix as the legendary French dictator Napoleon Bonaparte. Once merely a soldier, Napoleon is driven by an iron will to become the leader of all France. What drives Napoleon? What experiences made him such a single minded, obsessive leader, clinging with all of his might to power? That's the heart of what Ridley Scott is after in Napoleon and its questionable whether or not he got there or not. The film is wildly accomplished, technically superb, but it lingers a great deal and some of the lingering aspects leave you wondering what the point of it all is. The lack of a point may be the point. 

We meet Napoleon Bonaparte during the French Revolution. Marie Antoinette is dragged from the royal mansion of France and taken to the gallows. France lines up behind the revolutionary Robespierre but he's soon deposed as well. As Bonaparte helps quell another coup attempt, the power vacuum in France sweeps up more leaders until the tip of the French sword, Napoleon himself takes the reigns. It was a very fast rise to power but given the lack of leaders, the spineless neophyte politicians and remaining royalists, it's no wonder that a dictator willing to get his hands bloody would eventually take hold. 

Written off as a brute, Napoleon uses force to establish dominance and cunning to win on the battlefield. Regardless of what the bourgeois aristocrats of France think, Napoleon commands an army while they can merely command words. As Napoleon's power grows, he seeks companionship and finds it in a former aristocrat whose husband was beheaded in one of the many revolutions. Josephine (Vanessa Kirby) is a snakelike woman capable of slithering into any man's bed. She makes plain that she has a history and that if Napoleon has a problem with that, as so many men do, he should look elsewhere. 

Her forceful sexuality and allure are more than enough for Napoleon to overlook her potentially scandalous background. The two are married and Napoleon leaves to conquer the known world. We see him in various parts of the world, most notably Egypt where France attempted to destroy the ancient pyramids and Napoleon came face to face with Egyptian royalty in the form of a disinterred Mummy whom Napoleon cannot help but compare himself in terms of stature. Napoleon wishes to be as venerated as the Egyptian leaders were, but he first must deal with his cheating wife and a series of toady politicians looking to gain his favor. 

Find my full length review of Napoleon at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review Saltburn

Saltburn (2023) 

Directed by Emerald Fennell 

Written by Emerald Fennell 

Starring Barry Keoghan, Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Archie Madekwe 

Release Date November 17th, 2023 

Published November 27th, 2023 

Saltburn stars Barry Keoghan as Oliver Quick, an outcast at Cambridge University. Oliver is a scholarship kid from a middle-class family. He's a little awkward, a little shy, and doesn't make friends easily. When he meets Felix Carlton it's quite clear that Oliver sees Felix in a more than friendly fashion. He's practically falling all over himself to catch a glimpse of Felix and that makes sense, Felix is a young God. As captured by director Emerald Fennell, Jacob Elordi's Felix is among the most attractive human beings on the planet. 

Felix will also prove to be incredibly kind as when Oliver offers to help him with a broken bike wheel, Felix adopts the outcast as a friend and brings him into his popular Cambridge friend group. When Oliver proves to be a loyal and devoted friend, Felix returns the favor by inviting him to parties and introducing him to others. Eventually, when the holidays arrive and Oliver has nowhere to go home to, Felix invites him to Saltburn, the name of Felix's family property, a sprawling mansion in the English countryside. 

Oliver even gets the bedroom next door to Felix, connected by a shared bathroom. It's more than Oliver could dream of, though Felix seems unaware that Oliver has feelings for him that go beyond friendship. One person who does appear to be on to Oliver's romantic obsession is Farleigh (Archie Madekwe), Felix's best friend and a close friend of the Carlton family. Farleigh delights in needling Oliver, even as Archie seems to be holding more than friendly feelings as well. At the very least, both young men exhibit a fluid sexuality. 

Slowly but surely, Oliver weasels his way into the good graces of the Carlton family, removing obstacles like Farleigh, and earning the trust of Felix's parents, Lady Elspeth Carlton (Rosamund Pike) and Sir James Carlton (Richard E. Grant). If you haven't caught on that this is all part of a master plan hatched by Felix to break into a rich family, then you aren't paying very close attention. For all of Oliver's awkwardness and creepiness, he's not the wilting violet that he would lead you to believe. as Saltburn careens toward its unexpected ending, Oliver's duplicitousness comes to the fore in nasty, bitter fashion. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Next Goal Wins

Next Goal Wins (2023)

Directed by Taika Waititi 

Written by Taika Waititi, Iain Morris 

Starring Michael Fassbender, Kaimana, Oscar Kightley, Elisabeth Moss, Will Arnett 

Release Date November 17th, 2023

Published November 20th, 2023 

Next Goal Wins stars Michael Fassbender as disgraced former Dutch Football Coach, Thomas Rongen. Having been fired from his coaching job for repeated angry outbursts and his team losing... a lot, Rongen finds himself at a unique crossroad. He's given the option to either leave the world of Soccer completely or take on the job as the new head coach for the worst soccer team in the world, American Samoa. Not to be confused with the independent nation of Samoa, American Samoa is a tiny island that is under the auspices of American rule, a territory not unlike Puerto Rico. 

The American Samoa soccer team hasn't scored a goal in international play. The team is most famous for a World Cup qualifying loss to Australia in the early 2000s in which they gave up 31 goals. The team is hard working but that is mostly because each team member has three jobs on top of being on the national soccer team. So, yeah, there are many challenges in this position. Naturally, the cantankerous Mr. Rongen is not exactly in sync with the ways of American Samoa. For Thomas, winning is everything. For American Samoa, winning is not the point of playing or living. 

From the start of Next Goal Wins, Taika Waititi sets the bar incredibly low for drama. In a scene in which Thomas Rongen meets the head of American Samoa's soccer organization, Tavita, played by the wonderful Oscar Kightley, we learn that the goal for American Samoa is not winning a game. Rather, the stakes at hand are scoring a single goal in in international play. That's it, one goal in an actual game and Thomas Rongen can write himself into the history books of American Samoa's soccer history. That's the wonderfully low stakes and with that out of the way, we can focus on characters. 

Read my full length review at Cleats.Media

Classic Movie Review Real Life

Real Life (1979)

Directed by Albert Brooks 

Written by Albert Brooks, Monica Johnson, Harry Shearer

Starring Albert Brooks, Charles Grodin

Release Date March 2nd, 1979 

Published November 13th, 1979

Real Life requires a little context. In 1972 PBS launched what many consider the very first reality show. American Family was a day in the life series about the Loud Family. The show chronicled the day to day life of an everyday American family. The series was a social experiment and became the progenitor of an industry that is now a staple of American television programming. Real Life is Albert Brooks' response to the phenomenon that was American Family, a reality movie. Brooks meta concept is both a critique of American Family and the notion of cameras being able to capture reality. 

In Real Life, Albert Brooks stars as Albert Brooks, television star and filmmaker. Brooks wants to capture real life in the first ever reality movie. He plans to spend the next year living in Phoenix, Arizona, in a home directly across the street from the family who will star in his reality movie, the Yeager family, headed up by Dad, Warren Yeager, and his deeply depressed wife, Jeanette (Frances Lee McCain). For one year, cameras will follow the Yeager's everywhere as they gather footage for Brooks' documentary. 

And things proceed from there. The social experiment is being monitored by doctors working for a family research firm who have ways of measuring mental health down to examining the way someone holds a mug. From the start, the experiment appears to be a disaster. On the second day of the experiment, after a fight with her idiot husband, Jeanette decides to leave and go stay with friends, leaving the cameras behind. Brooks himself has to go and win her back to the project, though this is fraught with Jeanette believing that Albert is coming on to her, something she's receptive to. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review Fingernails

Fingernails (2023) 

Directed by Christos Nikou 

Written by Christos Nikou, Sam Steiner, Stavros Raptis 

Starring Jessie Buckley, Riz Ahmed, Jeremy Allen White 

Release Date November 3rd on Apple TV 

Published November 2nd, 2023 

If you could scientifically prove that you and your significant other were in love, would you want that? What does it say about you and your relationship that you would like or need scientific proof of your love for someone. Trust is the most important foundation of a loving, romantic partnership. If you don't trust your partner enough when they tell you that they love you and you need scientific, undisputed proof, that, for me, should be enough to prove that you are not actually in love. The new movie, Fingernails, lingers over this conflict by creating a universe in which love can be scientifically proven to exist between two people and how that effects the lives and loves of three disparate souls. 

Anna (Jessie Buckley) is in a loving, long term, relationship with Ryan (Jeremy Allen White). The two live together and have lived together long enough to have fallen into a comfortable rut, a routine that appears to serve their needs. However, Anna has started to long for something that she can't quite bring herself to admit. In one telling scene early in the film, she mentions how she always gives a certain piece of her food to Ryan. It's his favorite part but it's also a part that she really likes. But, in an effort to make him happy, she sacrifices what she wants for him. 

It might seem like a little thing but how much of yourself, your wants, your desires, you're willing to give up and feel resentment about are incredibly telling. It's one thing to sacrifice for the sake of your partner, but when does that sacrifice become too one-sided and who determines who should give up more of themselves for the other? When is enough, enough? It might just be a bite of food but the deeper meaning attached to it points the way to larger questions that will come to loom over the story of Fingernails. 

The story of Fingernails kicks into gear with a lie, another bit of damage to the foundation of Anna's relationship with Ryan. Instead of seeking a position as a teacher, the recently unemployed Anna has decided to pursue a career with a company that provides scientific testing of true love. It's similar to the place where Anna and Ryan went and got tested years earlier but even more intensive. At this clinic, run with gentle authority by Luke Wilson's Duncan, this clinic tests for true love but only after each couple seeking a test goes through an intensive relationship course that the company believes can set the couple to be in love by the time they take the test or drive them apart. 

Find my full length review at Humans.Media