Movie Review: Eragon

Eragon (2006) 

Directed by Stefan Wangmeir

Written by Peter Buchman 

Starring Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Sienna Guillory, Robert Carlyle

Release Date December 15th, 2006

Published December 15th, 2006

What if you took the Lord of the Rings and removed the visual wonder? Then added the Star Wars mythos without any of the genuine spirit. Why if you did that you would get Eragon a dopey sci-fi fantasy that for good measure throws in the wussiest dragons in movie history on top of it's ludicrous LOTR-Star Wars pretensions.

In some ridiculously under-produced middle ages land; dragons are a dying breed. Only the tyrant king (John Malkovich) has one. However, the king also has a dragon egg which has been stolen by the rebel queen Arya (Sienna Guillory). Though she is quickly captured by the king's top henchmam Durza (Robert Carlyle), she manages to stash the dragon's egg with a farm boy who happens to be the egg's natural master.

Eragon is the farm boy's name and it turns out that it was his destiny to be a dragon rider. With the help of a drifter, and former dragon rider, named Brom (Jeremy Irons), Eragon learns what being a dragon rider is all about. With his dragon Saphira (voice of Rachel Weisz), Eragon must learn to become a magician and a warrior and lead a resistance army against the tyrant king.

It's a story so simple it could have been written by a teenager. In fact, it was written by a teenager. 16 year old Christopher Paolini wrote the novel on which Eragon was based and has written a series of books based on this character. Having never read the books I can't tell you how well they compare to the movie. I can say that I am impressed that 16 year old would have such a great imagination, the movie version could have used a little imagination.

Directed by Stefan Fangmeier, in his debut feature, Eragon is a goofball sci fi fantasy that tells a dopey, Lord of the Rings inspired adventure with half the imagination and little of the visual wonder. The film has pretensions of Star Wars as Brom acts as Eragon's version of Obi Wan Kenobi, including a nobel death, while Garrett Hedlund shows up as wimpy Han Solo clone Murtagh.

Robert Carlyle is an extraordinarily effete version of Darth Maul from Episode 1 and Malkovich chews the scenery as both Darth Vader and Chancellor Palpatine.

Of course Eragon is a bad facsimile of both LOTR and Star Wars but; the film it most resembles is the brutal Dungeons and Dragons movie from 2000. That film at the very least featured dragons with some backbone. The dragon in Eragon is a sensitive girl who can't breath fire for most of the film. I love Rachel Weisz but having her voice a dragon just confirms that this is the wussiest dragon since the original Shrek when the red dragon romanced a donkey.

Eragon is an example of why parody us nearly impossible in this day and age. How can parody something as ludicrous as Eragon. On the surface the film seems ripe for caricature. However, the film is such a travesty in and of itself that parody seems redundant. Check the performance of Robert Carlyle who with his pudgy face and long locks and middle ages dress, looks like the ugliest girl at the prom. His goofy accent and lisp don't help matters much either.

John Malkovich eats the scenery as if his performance was an homage to co-star Jeremy Irons while star Edward Speleers turns in a teary, bleary performance that only Hugh Jackman in The Fountain could truly appreciate. Some critics could fairly point out that both Elijah Wood in LOTR and Mark Hammill in the original Star Wars didn't exactly cut manly heroic figures; but Speleers in Eragon makes both of those actors look like John Wayne in comparison.

Eragon remakes Dungeons and Dragons without the geek cache. The dragons are wimpy, the acting brutal and over the top, and the special effects are worse than anything the legendary Z-movie director Uwe Boll has turned out. If only Eragon had had Uwe Boll behind the camera. That, at the very least, would raise the camp level. Kitsch is really the only thing that could rescue even a few moments of pleasure from this abysmal fantasy.