Movie Review: The Sweetest Thing

The Sweetest Thing (2002) 

Directed by Roger Kumble 

Written by Nancy Pimental 

Starring Cameron Diaz, Thomas Jane, Selma Blair, Christina Applegate

Release Date April 12th, 2002

The battle for the title of Worst Film of 2002 is a three-film race so far. There is John Mctiernan's expression of audience hatred, Rollerball, Dominique Swain's spiraling career suicide in Tart, and now Cameron Diaz's inexplicable The Sweetest Thing. This bizarre, gross, deeply failing comedy somehow manages to make the terrific Cameron Diaz look like a terrible person. That should tell you all you need to know about The Sweetest Thing. 

The Sweetest Thing begins in documentary style with guys talking straight to the camera about a girl named Christina who broke their hearts. This pre-credit sequence seems tacked on as if the director realized that the script didn't bother to introduce the character Cameron Diaz is playing so he had to do something desperate to get some exposition into the movie to provide comic credentials for Diaz's character. 

Once we are into the actual film we meet Christina (Cameron Diaz), your typical flighty movie chick dancing in the streets of San Francisco. Where are these pixie-ish girls who dance in the streets with no regard for the world around them? Oh right, mental hospitals.  Christina and her friend Courtney (Christina Applegate) meet up at Christina's apartment where their friend Jane (Selma Blair) is crying over a lost boyfriend. Christina and Courtney give her the typical advice, forget about Mr. Right and go get Mr. Right Now. How clever! 

The three friends go to a club where Christina meets Peter Donahue (Thomas Jane). Initially, Christina and Peter are adversarial but then they keep meeting and grow to like each other. Peter eventually invites Christina to a party but she decides not to go. Why? Well, if she goes, we wouldn't have this idiot plot where Christina has to try and find this great guy she met a this party. Oh, and she didn't get his phone number either for the same reason. 

One of my movie pet peeves is when an entire film hinges on a situation easily resolved by a brief conversation but left unresolved in service of the plot. In The Sweetest Thing all they had to do is what anyone in that situation would have done, either go to the party or exchange phone numbers. If they did that though we wouldn't have the lame road sequence where the girls have wacky things happen, like Christina's discovery of what a glory hole is. Oh so clever.

I doubt the glory hole has ever been used for a good laugh in a film, there is probably a reason for that, but The Sweetest Thing doesn't stop there. The film includes a sequence where the girls start a restaurant singalong about penis size, and poor abused Selma Blair has a scene where let's just say something gets stuck somewhere.

Writer Nancy Pimental and Director Roger Kumble want to roll around in the same mud as There's Something About Mary and the American Pie movies, but they forget what it was that made those movies funny. There's Something About Mary and American Pie 1 & 2 were funny because the disgusting jokes were in context and framed against characters who earned our sympathy. The Sweetest Thing never bothers to introduce the characters, they expect that we will like them because we like the stars. That was not enough for me.

The Sweetest Thing is legitimately hard to watch. Rather than relating to the characters I was embarrassed for the stars trapped in the film’s humiliating and stupid situations. The Sweetest Thing is a complete embarrassment.