Movie Review: XXX

XXX (2002) 

Directed by Rob Cohen

Written by Rich Wilkes 

Starring Vin Diesel, Asia Argento, Martin Csokas, Samuel L. Jackson, 

Release Date August 9th, 2002 

Published August 8th, 2002

The team that brought us the Fast & the Furious is back with yet another big dumb action flick called XXX. Unfortunately, where Furious reveled in it's ridiculousness, XXX would like to be taken as seriously as possible as an action movie and a potential franchise. But after seeing XXX, I would rather see Fast & the Furious 2.

XXX is the nickname of Xander Cage (Diesel), an internet entrepreneur whose underground video's of himself performing amazingly dumb and illegal stunts sell well enough to support XXX's lifestyle of gorgeous bimbo's and extreme sports. Unfortunately for Xander his most recent stunt attracted the attention of the National Security Agency. Samuel L Jackson is agent Gibbons who sees XXX as expendable talent and enlists XXX to go to Prague and infiltrate a group of terrorists who call themselves Anarchy 99.

The terrorist leader is Yorgi (Martin Csokas). Yorgi, in typical terrorist fashion, is bluffed by XXX and and takes him into his evil lair. It's not long however before XXX's cover is blown and now he must rely on a Russian agent already in Yorgi's inner circle, a beautiful woman named Yolena (Asia Argento).  The surprising thing about XXX is that it wasn't made by MTV films. With it's glossy market tested style and soundtrack that is far more prominent than the film's dialogue, it would fit in perfectly in the MTV canon.

Indeed XXX is the kind of film that was pitched to the studio marketing department before being pitched to producers and directors. It plays like a two hour version of those late 90's Mountain Dew commercials.

The whole film is cornball and cliched, with flat uncomfortable dialogue that tries desperately to sound young and hip. Coming from a cast of 30-somethings it sounds lame and uncomfortable. A scene early on at a party at XXX's pad we hear dialogue from actors who are clearly not comfortable with the modern slang and come off like that high school teacher who desperately tries to sound hip, but comes off as simply embarrassing.

You can see the corners that were cut in order to secure the more audience friendly PG 13 rating. There is no nudity but the lack of totally naked flesh is made up for in two hours worth misogyny and objectification. As for Vin Diesel, he is a credible action star, although he needs to work on his one liners if he ever wants to replace Arnie and Sly.

The poser dialogue and cheesy effects especially the snowboarding scenes, all serve to create a slick soulless version of the Bond series. The Bond series however earned the right to be cliched and sexist by being successful more than once. XXX has been annointed the next great franchise even before the original script was finished. 

Typical modern Hollywood.