I turn 39 years old this week and as birthdays tend to put many of us in a reflective mood, I am reflecting. My life has been defined by my love of movies and so I decided to look back on 39 movies that have shaped who I am as a person. They are in no specific order other than how they simply occurred to me and the moments of my life that they evoke.
1. The Big Lebowski: It takes three viewings of “The Big Lebowski” before it dawns on you how brilliant the movie is. The looping dialogue, the odd characterizations, the way Jeff Bridges as The Dude comes into being by adopting the ideas and dialogue of those around him as a coping mechanism for a world he no longer understands, it’s a remarkably complex work that couches itself as a stoner comedy. Few films so well demonstrate the infinite ways that subtle character choices can define the way a story is told. I learn something new each time I watch “The Big Lebowski.”
2. “Casablanca:” Obvious choice, I know, but when I was a younger man forcing myself to watch classics in order to justify my choice to become a film critic, “Casablanca” was the movie that rewarded that choice. The history of the Hollywood studio system is woven through every inch of “Casablanca” from it’s modest origins as just another Hollywood ‘programmer,’ a film made on a movie assembly line by a workman like director, Michael Curtiz, who happened to a genius well ahead of his time, to the casting of Bogart and Ingrid Bergman that almost never happened and then became iconic. “Casablanca” teaches us more about the history of Hollywood than any single film Hollywood ever produced.
3. “Summer of Sam:” I have taken so many incredible lessons away from watching “Summer of Sam.” The most important of those lessons has been how singular the experience of a movie can be. For me, “Summer of Sam” is an epic masterpiece of energy, excitement and film construction. For most other viewers, “Summer of Sam” is a forgettable genre piece from a filmmaker who is more personality and flair than auteur.
4. “Memento:” What is possible in a movie? “Memento” showed me something I had never seen before, a narrative in reverse. It wasn’t new to fans of experimental film-making but for me it was a powerful revelation about what an artist could do with structure, with editing and with great acting. Christopher Nolan willfully risks confusing the audience to the point of frustration and that makes the film provocative. Beyond the provocation however, is a taut, narrative thriller that is as inventive as it is deeply compelling.
5. “Citizen Kane:” What student of movies hasn’t had the “Citizen Kane” experience. Watching “Citizen Kane” remains a rite of passage for movie lovers and what better legacy could a film possibly have.
6. “The Talented Mr. Ripley:” There was a time in my life when I was a strict, black or white student of the law. I saw no gray areas and gave no quarter to those who stepped out of line. What an extraordinary experience it was then for me to see “The Talented Mr. Ripley” and find the structure of my beliefs, my very morality turned on its head as I found myself rooting for the murderous Tom Ripley to win the life he so desperately wants. Matt Damon compelled me so deeply that the film snuck past my moral radar and messed with my sense of self. That’s quite an experience.
7. “Star Wars:” As a child there is nothing greater in the world than seeing your dream come to life before you. That was “Star Wars” for me. I dreamed of “Star Wars” while playing with the toys and then watched my toys come to life on screen. To this day “Star Wars” makes me feel like a child filled with wonder and amazement.
8. “Elizabethtown:” This movie is exceptionally personal to me. It was the first time that I didn’t connect with a Cameron Crowe movie and I was devastated. Then, I fell in love with a woman who loved the movie and she made me look at it in a new way. I still have my qualms with “Elizabethtown” but the bond the film built with this woman who is still an extraordinary part of my life today makes the film the film an important milestone of my 39 years.
9. “No Country for Old Men:” My gut was wrenched, I was sweating in my seat. My heart was pulled and tugged from beginning to end as I searched for the light at the end of the tunnel and found only the angry, desperate despair that is the heart of “No Country for Old Men.” Few films have ever had as powerful an effect on me from beginning to end as “No Country for Old Men” still has.
10. “Amadeus:” This is a fairly recent revelation. Even as I have long appreciated “Amadeus” it wasn’t until I revisited the film just last year for I Hate Critics that I realized that movies don’t change but we do. As a more mature and thoughtful man I looked at “Amadeus” with new eyes and found a remarkable masterpiece.
11. “Almost Famous:” The power an actor or actress can have over an audience is a remarkable thing and for me that is no better demonstrated than in Kate Hudson’s performance in “Almost Famous.” While her beauty is the initial impact, Hudson’s humanity, youth and frailty, come to be her defining and compelling characteristics. I can think of few more emotional moments watching a movie than the way Hudson attempts to deflect her despair at learning the man she loved had attempted to trade her for a case of beer. In just a look, a slight shimmer of tears in her eyes, Hudson devastates us as an audience.
12. “Waitress:” This film has an extra power it should not have. Director Adrienne Shelly was murdered not long after the release of the movie and what was the announcement of a brilliant new voice in American movies became the most tender and loving epitaph any filmmaker could ever have.
13. “Once:” True love can be found and still not be meant to be. Sometimes we sacrifice what we want, what we desire, even what we love in order for the betterment of other others. That may not have been the overall intent of “Once” but it was the lesson I came away with and it has stuck with me for years.
14. “The Tree of Life:” Terence Malick is the best visual storyteller in film history. His images are more moving than any line of dialogue ever could be. The visual journey he creates for “The Tree of Life” is a rollercoaster ride through the history and evolution of humanity.
15. “Lady in the Water:” M. Night Shyamalan set out to make a fairy tale about a mermaid and wound up making a confounding film containing some of his worst instincts as a storyteller. But, as I told a fellow film critic immediately after the movie was over, Shyamalan “Hung his balls out there.” Say what you will about how bad “Lady in the Water” truly is, the film has more ambition than any 10 modern movies.
16. “Clerks:” I once tried to show “Clerks” in a class at college and wound up shunned by most of the class. They were put off by the raunchy dialogue and low budget look of the film. Yes, “Clerks” was another revelation about individual tastes in movies but it was also a lesson in how I choose my friends and measure out how much of myself I’m willing to share with other people.
17. “Pulp Fiction:” As “Citizen Kane” is the ancient rite of passage for movie lovers, “Pulp Fiction” continues to evolve into the more modern rite of passage. A film of such incredible invention, “Pulp Fiction” continues to teach me about movies each time I watch it, with lessons in physical filmmaking and in dialogue.
18. “Amelie:” My first foreign love,”Amelie” gave me the courage and curiosity to pursue the works of Truffaut, Renais, and Godard. Without falling in love with “Amelie” my film education would have forever remained incomplete.
19. “Annie Hall:” As a kid from the Midwest I’m told that I should not be able to relate to Woody Allen. He’s too New York, too Jewish, for someone like me to relate to. And yet, with his fumbling and longing and his extraordinary sense of humor, I find no other filmmaker on the planet that speaks to me the way Woody Allen does.
20. “Things Behind the Sun:” The film is entirely forgotten within the mass of our popular culture but it still means the world to me. “Things Behind the Sun” moved me in ways I had never been moved before. It’s the story of a rape victim being interviewed by a boy who had been coaxed and bullied into being part of her rape. The power of this film can only experienced by seeing it for yourself. Me, I was forever changed by it.
21. “Jerry Maguire:” The reputation of “Jerry Maguire” hasn’t exactly grown over the years with people’s ever changing perceptions of both Tom Cruise and director Cameron Crowe. But, for me, the experience of the film has never changed. I am enchanted by every moment of “Jerry Maguire,” yes even “You complete me.”
22. “The Dark Knight Rises:” Why not say “The Dark Knight” you wonder? Why would you choose the seemingly lesser sequel? Because “The Dark Knight Rises” gave rise to the I Hate Critics podcast and a pair of new life long friendships that I never would have had without it.
23. “Bowling for Columbine:” I used to be a conservative Republican. Then I saw “Bowling for Columbine” which led me to “Roger & Me” and then “Fahrenheit 9/11″ and a complete rearranging of my political thought process. Say what you will about Michael Moore, his work rings with humor and a deep seated compassion for all and that is what changed in me after “Bowling for Columbine.”
24. “Les Miserables:” I have never had a more emotional reaction to a movie. The scene where the priest rescues Jean Valjean and gives him all of the silver he was intending to steal so that Valjean could build a new life devastates me every time. I’m not remotely religious in my life but the power of the line “I’ve saved your soul for God” compels me deeply. There is so much compassion in that moment and that compassion radiates throughout the rest of the film.
25. “The Princess Bride:” Seemingly no one of my generation can escape the influence of “The Princess Bride.”
26. “Legally Blonde:” Too this day, I don’t know if I have seen a movie as genuinely joyous as “Legally Blonde.” Not kidding, whenever I am feeling truly despondent, I watch “Legally Blonde” because I find it impossible to be unhappy when I watch this movie.
27. “Hedwig and the Angry Inch:” A compelling story of gender identity, love, and the power of pure rock n’roll, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” forced me to confront childish biases I held against people who were different from me and helped me find common ground I had failed to recognize before.
28. “Waking Life:” In the entirety of my 39 years I have never used illegal drugs of any kind. I would like to imagine however if I did use an illegal drug the world of “Waking Life” would be my ideal trip.
29. “Magnolia:” Like “Les Miserables,” “Magnolia” is one of those deeply moving movie moments. When the cast combines with the music of Amy Mann its a moment of such incredible catharsis that I can’t help but cry.
30. “Seven:” My first great shock at the movies. I had seen twists before, but that head in the box and knowing that evil had unexpectedly and shockingly triumphed over good was so incredibly profound for me.
31. “Beyond the Mat:” One must weigh their empty thrills against the human cost of thoses thrills. That was the lesson for me from the documentary “Beyond the Mat.” A longtime fan of professional wrestling, I had long regarded it as a meaningless, empty thrill. “Beyond the Mat” was a revelation about the cost of what I thought was free of any cost. Yes, wrestling is scripted and its just entertainment but there are real people involved and real stakes in their lives and while I knew that on a deeper level I wasn’t forced to confront my own empty enjoyment until I saw “Beyond the Mat.”
32. “Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back:” Where the original “Star Wars” still makes me feel like a little kid, “Empire” still feels like my first transition toward adulthood. Sure, I saw it when I was quite young but it brought about a revelation about tragedy and a hero’s journey that helped shape me as a critical thinker. Luke Skywalker is forced to come to terms with his father being the face of evil in the universe, Han Solo is captured and seemingly killed, the Empire stands tall. It’s greek tragedy at work here and it was unlike anything my young mind had experienced up to that time.
33. “The Pledge:” How does one compartmentalize the evils of the world and if you can’t compartmentalize or somehow come to terms with tragedy and failing what will it do to you as a person. “The Pledge” offers a full examination of this idea and forces its audience into the uncomfortable position of a confronting our apathy toward evil.
34. “Mulholland Drive:” I am, generally speaking, not the biggest fan of David Lynch and his surrealist take on movies. That said, I have had few experiences quite like “Mulholland Drive.” Watching the film was a formative experience for the young film critic in me who could not help but intellectually claw at the various knots that Lynch ties into this extraordinarily complex narrative. I can’t say I untied many of those knots but I never stopped trying.
35. “Nurse Betty:” One of the great forgotten movies of the past two decades, “Nurse Betty” features Neil Labute at his nastiest and his most gentle. The film is violent and graphic in some moments and yet contains the ability to be warm and gentle as a great romantic comedy in other moments. The gentle and sensitive way that Morgan Freeman allows himself to fall for Renee Zellweger’s Betty without ever meeting her moves me deeply and his hurt in the end when she isn’t who he wanted her to be is profoundly moving and instructive for anyone who’s ever built a fantasy around someone else.
36. “Chasing Amy:” My first “these characters talk like I do” experience at the movies. I recognized the characters of “Chasing Amy” in my own life and related to them like friends. Naturally, this made the experience of the film all the more powerful, memorable and shaping.
37. “A Serious Man:” I fought “A Serious Man” as I watched it. I wanted something funny, I wanted something with a star I could relate to. Instead, I got a stubborn, narratively thick, very Jewish story of a Jobian character constantly the victim of life’s many unfair twists of fate. It took me half the movie to come around to it but once I did I found myself putting the pieces of the film together into one of the richest moviegoing experiences of my life. That ending, so out of left field, so abrupt, and yet so perfect. The film could not have ended in any other way and that revelation has stuck with me.
38. “Diehard:” Its about connection. For guys, emotions can be difficult to express. How do we bond with other men without it being awkward or uncomfortable. What if we don’t like the same sports teams? “Diehard” has been the ground floor of a few friendships I have developed over the years. There is something about this silly, well constructed action epic that makes it widely relatable to a disparate band of people. It’s not just men either, I know many women who love “Diehard” just as much. But as a shaping experience of my moviegoing life, “Diehard” is a touchstone of male bonding unlike any other part of my life.
39. “E.T:” The first movie of my life. My brother Chuck took me to see “E.T” in the movie theater when I was 5 years old. I have never forgotten the experience and I never will.
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