Classic Movie Review The Crying Game

The Crying Game (1992) 

Directed by Neil Jordan 

Written by Neil Jordan 

Starring Stephen Rea, Jaye Davidson, Forrest Whitaker, Miranda Richardson

Release Date November 27th, 1992, February 1993 (Oscar Release) 

Published February 20th, 2023 

What stands out about Neil Jordan's The Crying Game 30 years later is how remarkably sensitive the film is. While the film's lasting legacy in popular culture centers on actor Jaye Davidson's penis, the actual film, The Crying Game centers on sensitivity, intimacy and tenderness while also providing elements of a thriller and a spy movie. Neil Jordan brings forward a gay love story in The Crying Game in a way that had arguably never been explored before in this way. Using a traditional thriller narrative about warring spies, guns, and murder, Jordan tells a love story about people who are struggling to find who they really are. 

Stephen Rea stars in The Crying Game as Fergus, a member of the Irish Republican Army. History, as told by the British, would call the IRA terrorists. I truly have no idea what the actual legacy of the IRA is and I don't see a necessity to unpack the IRA here. The IRA is basically the vehicle that brings Fergus into contact with Jody (Forrest Whitaker), a young British soldier who is captured in Ireland and held for ransom. If the British will release a member of the IRA they are holding prisoner, then Fergus and is his fellow IRA members will release Jody. 

Of course, Jody, and possibly Fergus, knows that Jody is going to die. The British do not negotiate with the IRA, they work to eliminate the IRA. Jody's only glimmer of hope comes in trying to convince Fergus to let him go. Thus begins a lengthy and intimate series of conversation over a three day period from Jody's kidnapping to the day the IRA plans to execute him. In this time, Jody and Fergus bond and writer-director Neil Jordan willfully layers in visual indicators that perhaps there is more than just friendly banter going on between these two seemingly very different men. 

Knowing that his dire fate is approaching, Jody gives Fergus his wallet and with it, a photo of the woman Jody loves. Her name is Dil (Jaye Davidson) and she's a hairdresser back in Jody's home town. Jody begs Fergus to go and look in on Dil if, indeed Jody dies. What happens next will lead Fergus to Dil and the start of another complicated, deeply fraught, but genuine love story. Of course, history tells us what complicates this romance but the movie itself, is far more than that one pop culture footnote. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review The Big Sleep

The Big Sleep (1946) 

Directed by Howard Hawks 

Written by William Faulkner, Leigh Brackett, Jules Furthman

Starring Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Martha Vickers, Dorothy Malone 

Release Date August 31st, 1946 

Published February 21st, 2023 

Who is Phillip Marlowe? He's a detective, of course, but beyond that. Who is he? He's a cynic, a loner, a veteran. He's seen just about everything. He's seen enough to know when he's being lied to. He's tired. As conceived by Howard Hawks and Humphrey Bogart in The Big Sick, he's weary, bone tired, and yet noble. He may no longer have time for joy in his life but he has purpose... and cigarettes... and booze. But Marlowe's true hallmark is weariness. He just seems as if the weight of the planet is pulling him into the ground and he's not all that interested in preventing this from happening. 

Marlowe doesn't have a lot to lose and hasn't had a lot to lose in a long while. This bone deep weariness has settled in after years of providing witness to the ugly side of everyday. Cheating spouses, murder, missing people, and the betrayal of friends, Marlowe's livelihood revolves around misery. It's natural that such a vocation would weigh on a man. In Humphrey Bogart, that weariness, that sense of being so incredibly worn down by life, has a physical form. The lines on Bogart's face seem to have been formed by the sheer force of emotional, physical, and intellectual experience. 

It's odd to think, but in many ways, a man like Phillip Marlowe exists as a proxy for the pain of others. He's a trauma shield, a way to experience trauma through the filter of someone else. As a private detective, he's the one who will see the husband or the wife cheating or find that friend that has been stealing from you. He can then slightly soften the blow by providing the tools you need for the confrontation that must ensue and be resolved so life can go on. Strangely, I'm reminded of John Coffey from The Green Mile who sucks out the illness of others, into himself, and releases it to the world in a strange form of healing. 

The main difference is that Marlowe does what he does for a significant price, and daily expense payments. For his latest effort, Marlowe finds himself in admiration of an elderly former General living out the last days of his life. General Sternwood (Charles Waldron) has called upon Marlowe because he is being blackmailed by some unknown person. A proxy for this unknown blackmailer has given the General gambling receipts indicating an unpaid debt that they claim belongs.  to Sternwood's youngest daughter, the coquettish Carmen Sternwood. Payment is demanded of General Sternwood or something will happen to Carmen. 

For her part, Carmen appears unfazed by whatever is happening, perhaps even unaware. Not innocent, not by a longshot, but nevertheless unbothered by potential dangers. After meeting Marlowe, and immediately flirting with him in clumsy, heavy handed fashion, the next time we see her, Carmen is extremely drunk and sharing space with a recently dead man. Marlowe, having followed Carmen, assuming she would lead to the blackmailer, finds Carmen and the dead man and sets about getting her home safely while avoiding the obvious frame job. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Spoiler Alert: Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania What is Kang's Future in the MCU?

Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania (2023) 

Directed by Peyton Reed 

Written by Jeff Loveless

Starring Jonathan Majors, Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Douglas, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathryn Newton

Release Date February 17th, 2023 

Published February 20th, 2023 

This article carries with it spoilers for Ant-Man and The Wasp Quantumania, a decidedly mixed but not bad entry in the Marvel Canon. If you'd like to avoid spoilers, I suggest seeing the movie before coming back and reading this article. We are going to dig into the ending, specifically the mid and post credits sequences which set the table for the the latest reboot of the Marvel Cinematic Universe known as Phase 5. Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania is the kickoff for this new era of Marvel movies and you will want to see it before you read this thorough spoiler post. 

For those sticking around, welcome, let's talk about what should have been called Kang the Conqueror Quantumania because this was a Jonathan Majors movie far more than it was starring anyone else. Kang the Conqueror looms large over every aspect of Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania. He's the new Thanos and the movie does well to put over the idea of just how volatile and dangerous Kang truly is. Jonathan Majors does much of the heavy dramatic lifting in the movie and, for the most part, he's successful in establishing the next big bad of the Marvel Universe. 

Context: Ant-Man and the Wasp comes to a close with Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) and Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly) seemingly sacrificing themselves to a life trapped in the Quantum Realm just so they can prevent Kang the Conqueror from escaping his Quantum Realm exile. Having shrank Kang even smaller than even they've gone, hurtling him into a seeming oblivion, Scott and Hope are then immediately rescued by Cassie Lang (Kathryn Newton), in an all too rushed and pat conclusion to what could have been a slightly more dramatic ending. 

Back home, Scott resumes his mundane, day to day existence as a pseudo-celebrity, walking down the streets of San Francisco smiling and waving like he was about to run for Mayor. This happy-go-lucky stroll is interrupted by a thought that nags at the back of Scott's mind. It's something that Kang said before he was sent into oblivion, that only he, Kang, could stop what is coming. Kang being a man who could control time would definitely know if something big, perhaps world-altering were coming down the pike. Did Scott just create this world-altering event by eliminating the one man who might be able to prevent it? 

And cut to credits. It's not a bad ending, but there are some things that could have improved it. That said, the intriguing question of what's next in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is established with this victory but at what cost ending. Kang the Conqueror may have been vanquished but Kang is not done trying to conquer the multiverse. For you see, dear reader, because of the Multiverse, there are millions of Kangs. Three of them seem to have risen to the top of the Kang Army but there are an unending number of variations and they've all just been given the greenlight to unleash multiversal chaos. 



Movie Review My Bloody Valentine

My Bloody Valentine (1981) 

Directed by George Mihalka 

Written by John Beaird

Starring Neil Affleck, Paul Kelman, Laurie Hallier, Don Francis, Cynthia Dale 

Release Date February 11th, 1981

Published February 14th, 2023 

My Bloody Valentine 1981 is a low budget horror success story. The film was made for about 5 bucks and a 6 pack of beer, and it went on to become a beloved cult classic. Does that make it a good movie? Not really, but, from a business standpoint, it's undeniably successful. Year after year, on Valentine's Day, My Bloody Valentine grabs a sizable chunk of the streaming market and makes this little horror movie that could into one of the greatest low budget success stories of the 1980s. Again, that doesn't make it an actual good movie, but it is impressive.

In the town of Valentine Bluff, somewhere in Cananda, a mine accident killed left four men dead and one man, Harry Warden, alive after he resorted to murdering his fellow miners and eating their flesh to survive. Harry winds up in a coma until a year later when he wakes up and murders the men responsible for the accident. As we join the story, we are 20 years removed from Harry Warden's rampage. It's established that this is the first Valentine's Day celebration since the murders 20 years ago. 

Valentine's Day was outlawed in the town because the men who were responsible for the mining accident, the men subsequently murdered by Harry Warden, caused the accident by leaving the mine to attend the town Valentine's Day Dance. Now, the next generation of miners in Valentine Bluff have petitioned to bring back the celebration. This sets off Harry Warden who returns having been triggered by the celebration of Valentine's Day. Warden is supposed to have been locked away in a mental institution but now, the sheriff can't confirm if he's alive or dead. 

Meanwhile, in a romantic subplot, a rivalry has arisen between T.J (Paul Kelman) and Axel (Neil Affleck). T.J is the son of the mine owner and has recently returned to town to work at the mine. T.J's ex, Sarah (Lori Hallier), has moved on with Axel and T.J is quite jealous. This rivalry will come to a head when the miners are told that their Valentine's celebration has been canceled by the mayor (Larry Reynolds), and the Sheriff (Don Francks). They've discovered a pair of bodies, possibly the work of Harry Warden and they are moving to cancel Valentine's Day as quickly as possible. 

Thus, the miners have invited themselves to a trap when they move their Valentine's Day celebration to the mine shaft. There they will line up to be Harry's next victims by enacting classic slasher movie tropes such as trying to have sex or going places they aren't supposed to go and running the wrong direction to escape the killer. The question then becomes, is this really Harry Warden or is this a copycat with a completely different motive? 

That should be the question. The reality, however, is that My Bloody Valentine is far too lazy to concern itself with details that make sense. Instead, director George Mihalka settles for revealing the killer's origins in the final minutes of the movie, as a twist. It renders much of the rest of the movie rather dubious and superfluous. None of the characters introduced really matter to the plot, they suddenly exist as cannon fodder as we find out who the killer is. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 



Movie Review: Your Place or Mine

Your Place or Mine (2023) 

Directed by Aline Brosh McKenna 

Written by Aline Brosh McKenna 

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Ashton Kutcher, Jesse Williams, Zoe Chao, Tig Notaro

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 13th, 2023 

The slapdash, clumsy and derivative new romantic comedy, Your Place or Mine still manages to have moments of grace and genuine romance. It's a shame the movie is so dedicated to playing the rom-com greatest hits that it cannot fully take advantage of the few good moments. No, sadly, the latest effort from the generally quite good writer-director Aline Brosh McKenna is by far her most mundane, by the numbers effort. Despite a pair leads with decent chemistry, Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher, Your Place or Mine falls well short of rom-com greatness. 

In Your Place or Mine Reese Witherspoon is Debbie and Ashton Kutcher is Peter. We meet them on the first night they hooked up, 20 years ago, following a game of poker. Shortly after that, Peter told Debbie that they should not be together as he's bad at being in relationships. Somehow, they remained not just friends but best friends and went on with their lives. Each gave up their dreams, her to be a book editor and him to be an author, and found vague levels of success in other endeavors. She's an accountant for her son's school and he's a movie conception of a consultant, the nebulously defined but wealthy kind of fallback character job that hack screenwriters assign so as not to have to spend time on backstory. 

A clumsy opening series of scenes sets in stone the very obvious arc of this already quite obvious romance. Debbie needs to loosen up and have some fun, Peter needs to learn how to be responsible to others and become selfless. Commence the deus ex machina. The brilliant Rachel Bloom drops in from a completely different movie and sets the plot in motion by not being able to watch Debbie's son, Jack (Wesley Kimmel), while Debbie was set to go to New York to see Peter and take a course to advance her accounting career. 

Knowing that his friend is counting on this class in New York, Peter decides to get on a plane and go to L.A and watch Jack while Debbie stays at his place in New York. While in New York, Debbie befriends the best character in Your Place or Mine, Peter's ex-hook up, Minka, played by Zoe Chao. To say that Chao steal the movie is an understatement. She's the character with the most personality, the most organic growth, and all of the best jokes in the movie. She befriends Debbie as a sort of mini-deus ex machina as it is her job within her subplot to get Debbie to find Peter's book and give it to a sexy book editor, played by Jesse Williams. 

Williams is obvious roadblock between Debbie and Peter's happily ever after. He offers her an alternative romance with someone she is more obviously compatible with. But, we already know where this is headed and the movie doesn't give Williams much to play to turn his role into anything more than a speed bump on the way to the obvious conclusion. It's incredibly disappointing to watch these terrifically talented people acting out a script that is the bare minimum of effort and confounding why someone as talented as Aline Brosh McKenna fell back on so much lazy screenwriting. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review Project Wolf Hunting

Project Wolf Hunting (2023) 

Directed by Hongsun Kim 

Written by Hongsun Kim 

Starring Seo In-Guk, Dong Yoon Jang, Jung So Min 

Release Date February 14th, 2023 

Published February 9th, 2023 

Deep within the bowels of a freighter steaming from the Philippines, traveling to Busan, lies a secret that most of the men on board are not aware of. The freight ship is carrying a group of criminals that had escaped to the Philippines back to face justice in South Korea. The secret cargo in the basement appears to be a living corpse. He's being seen to by a doctor and there are indications that he is somehow, miraculously alive, though how that's possible is a deep, dark secret. 

The living corpse is clearly very dangerous. He's being held down flat in a metal cage structure. He's heavily sedated and constantly under guard. This being a movie however, we know that this monster will not remain locked up for long. Then there are the inmates, a dangerous lot of murderers, rapists, and assorted scoundrels. They know their fate back in South Korea and at least one of them, with a lengthy rap sheet, is determined not to see Busan any time soon. 

Aiding the malevolent inmates are a group of gang members posing as boat staff. They've managed to smuggle guns, drugs, and money on to the boat with the intent of hijacking the boat and directing it wherever their captured leader wants to go. Standing in their way is a strangely calm, fearless, and stalwart fellow inmate. This man carries a secret that is loosely related to the caged zombie monster in the lower decks and the shady pharmaceutical company that has had a hand in arranging this boat trip. 

That's a lot of plot and there are several notable characters but that is not what Project Wolf Hunting is all about. Instead, the monster man in the lower decks is at the heart of the movie. His escape and ensuing, bloody, gory, violent rampage takes up most of the action of the movie. This is a terrifying monster, part Frankenstein's Monster, part zombie and seemingly unstoppable, one of his first acts is to punch an inmates jaw right off of his face in explicit fashion. 

Once this unstoppable monster is loose, Project Wolf Hunting is a very different movie. The conspiracy plot, involving the pharmaceutical company is still playing out, but that's very much not the point. Rather, the movie changes to become a series of ever escalating violence and gore. The monster unceasingly pursues anyone he can get his hands on, brutally crushes their bones as their blood sprays uncannily in all directions. 

Director Hongsun Kim doesn't make much time for characters or stories to be told. Rather, he's more interested in his special effects, especially blood spatter. If watching the ways Kim can spray blood on walls, on other people, on various boat components, is of interest to you, you will love Project Wolf Hunting. I must say, it worked for me. The shift from a rather mundane narrative to the absolute nuttiness of a gorefest was kind of a fun twist. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 



Movie Review Condor's Nest

Condor's Nest (2023) 

Directed by Phil Blattenberger 

Written by Phil Blattenberger 

Starring Arnold Vosloo, Michael Ironside, Jackson Rathbone, Jacob Keohane 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published February 8th, 2023 

Condor's Nest opens on a tense war scene. A British bomber is flying over Germany at low altitude, preparing to drop bombs on a strategic target. Six men are aboard and remain when the plane is shot down in the German countryside. As one looks for a way to help his fellow soldiers, German soldiers arrive on the scene. Led by an imperious S.S Officer, Col. Martin Bach (Arnold Vosloo), this is a particularly brutal group of soldiers. Bach's interrogation of the British crew involves shooting anyone that doesn't provide valuable information, whether they have valuable information or not. 

Watching this unfold from a distance, as he had fled to seek help and find shelter, is Pilot Will Spalding (Jacob Keohane). Trained with his gun on Col. Bach he knows that if he shoots and misses he will give up his position and any chance to save his crew. This leaves Spalding in agony as he watches two members of his crew be executed. One of the crew passes away from injuries in the crash before he can be asked to give up information. The last two members of the crew are then, seemingly about to be released. They are allowed to turn and begin running into the forest with a vague promise of safety from Bach, until he orders them shot dead as well. 

From here, Condor's Nest jumps a decade into the future. It's 1954 and a haunted Jacob Spalding is now living in Argentina. If you're not aware, Argentina became a hotspot of former Nazis who managed to escape as Germany fell at the end of World War 2. Spalding believes he has tracked Colonel Bach to Argentina and he's using any means necessary to locate Bach so that he can gain his revenge. This quest for vengeance leads Spalding to a shaky, distrustful alliance with Albert Vogel (Al Pagano), a former Nazi scientist on the run from both Nazi Hunters and Israeli Intelligence. 

Vogel strikes a deal with Spalding, he will take him to Bach and in exchange, Spalding will help him reach a safe house where Vogel hopes to be whisked away to safety by Russian intelligence, eager to have a German scientist that the Americans don't have. Their tentative alliance is upended by the arrival of Leyna Rahn (Corinne Britti), a Jewish mercenary working for Israeli Intelligence in Argentina. Vogel is the scalp she's been looking for and she aims to take him. 



Movie Review: Elizabethtown (Original Review)

Elizabethtown (2005) 

Directed by Cameron Crowe 

Written by Cameron Crowe 

Starring Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Judy Greer, Susan Sarandon, Paul Schneider

Release Date October 14th, 2005 

Published October 13th, 2005

For me, a new Cameron Crowe film is like the release of Lord Of The Rings. I will line up days in advance, I will play the soundtracks of his previous films at obscene volumes and I will pore over the texts of the script as if they held the answer to life itself. Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous, Say Anything and Singles are not just any other movies.  To me they are masterpieces.

So I have been anticipating the release of Elizabethtown ever since the final credits on Vanilla Sky rolled off the screen in 2001. To say I am a little disappointed in Elizabethtown is one of the hardest things I have ever written. By the standards of an average movie Elizabethtown is great. By the standards of Cameron Crowe, however, Elizabethtown is a step backwards.

Orlando Bloom plays Drew Baylor, who looks like a man on his way to his own execution. Drew is a shoe designer for a Nike-esque company in Oregon and his first creation, a shoe called 'Spasmodica', has just failed so spectacularly that the company stands to lose nearly a billion dollars on it's recall. As Drew's boss (Alec Baldwin in a minor cameo) explains, the shoe was so poorly received by the public that one industry observer was quoted as saying the shoe could cause millions of people to return to bare feet.

Fired from the only job he has ever known, Drew returns home with dark intentions. He plans to kill himself and begins fashioning a very unique suicide device involving a kitchen knife and some workout equipment.  It must be seen to be believed. Drew's attempt is foiled by his cell phone's unending musical ring which he cannot resist answering.

The call is from his younger sister Heather (Judy Greer).  Their father has died. On a trip back to his hometown, the tiny Kentucky hamlet Elizabethtown, Dad had a heart attack. At his mother Hollie's (Susan Surandon) request Drew must go to Elizabethtown and retrieve the body for cremation in Oregon and represent the family in whatever tribute the Elizabethtown Baylor's have planned. The two sides of the family have rarely had contact.

On his flight from Oregon to Kentucky Drew meets Claire, a chirpy stewardess who takes a special interest in making sure he knows where he is going. Claire is obviously attracted to Drew despite, or maybe because, of his morose attitude. She gives him directions to get to Elizabethtown and her phone number in case he gets lost and it seemingly could have ended right there.

When Drew finally arrives in Elizabethtown the culture shock and his newfound family are so overwhelming that he needs to talk to someone and Claire is his choice. The two talk an entire night and get together to watch the sun come up. They agree to be friends but it's clear both are fighting fate.  They are meant for each other.

That is the very bare bones of Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown, yet another very personal and deeply felt story for Crowe but also one he can't quite get a handle on. There are three important plots in Elizabethtown. First is Drew's failure at work.  Second, the family drama including his father's death and meeting his extended family.  And third is his romance with Claire. To make this movie work Crowe needed to coalesce each of these three plots into one story. Unfortunately it just never happens.

I enjoyed both lead performances by Bloom and Dunst but the relationship is so far unrelated from the family drama and Drew's work drama that it feels almost like a separate movie. Dunst delivers a character that is very unique.  Some might say that she is more fantasy than anything, but I believed that this character would do the things she does. She is quirky and forgiving and troubled in her own ways.  It's a complex part that has great potential but there are scenes missing, important scenes and dialogue that might better have integrated her into the rest of the story.

Bloom's performance is complicated for different reasons. He was not the first  choice for the role.  Initially Ashton Kutcher was cast as Drew. Bloom was the better choice of the two but because Cameron Crowe's male protagonists are so well remembered Bloom is competing with the ghosts of the past and he pales in comparison to the likes of Tom Cruise, John Cusack, Campbell Scott and even young Patrick Fugit from Almost Famous.

Cameron Crowe does not do Bloom any favors in his scripting or direction. Much of Elizabethtown plays like Cameron Crowe's greatest hits. Dunst's character is a mixture of Renee Zellweger's needy but lovable single mom in Jerry Magure and Kate Hudson's ethereal groupie from Almost Famous. Drew's wacky extended family in Elizabethtown are older versions of the wacky neighbors from Singles or the inebriated party goers from Say Anything. And Drew himself carries the DNA of both Jerry Maguire and Lloyd Dobler.

Even the film score, once again lovingly crafted by Crowe's wife Nancy Wilson, feels as if it were lifted from Almost Famous. Check out the scene just after Susan Surandon's exceptional speech at the memorial. Drew and Claire meet in the hallway and the acoustic guitar score comes in just a little too loud. The scene is a poignant moment where Drew tries once again to explain that he and Claire cannot be together. The music in the scene is lovely but sounds almost identical to music used in a scene in Almost Famous where William tells Penny she has been sold out by the band and won't continue with the tour. This may be just the anal retentive Crowe fan in me coming out but it bothers me to hear Crowe simply repeat himself.

Thankfully, the same cannot be said of the film's pop soundtrack. Once again Cameron Crowe brings together an eclectic mix of classic hits and forgotten or overlooked favorites that compliment the story and occasionally comment on it. In the film's climactic scenes in which Drew drives his fathers ashes cross country back to his home in Oregon he is accompanied by an amazing soundtrack that Claire made for him as a sort of musical map of America. The reasoning is contrived but the emotion these scenes and songs evoke are real and very moving. No director mixes pop music, storytelling, and imagery as effectively as Cameron Crowe.

Cameron Crowe movies are known for romance, smart characters, and great music. Elizabethtown overflows with each of those elements but, unfortunately, Crowe cannot corral them all into one story. Each of the individual characters from Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst in the leads to Susan Surandon, Paul Schneider and Loudon Wainwright in supporting roles are all interesting characters but they are all parts of different movies. Bloom shares scenes with each of them and yet seemingly never at the same time.

The romance of Elizabethtown works in individual scenes such as Drew and Claire's all night phone session and the first night they make love and the aftermath the following morning. You definitely root for them to be together. But the movie is as much about this romance as it is about Drew's family, which is in a whole other film.

The family drama is a strong plot. Susan Surandon is exceptional in her one big scene at the memorial in which she does standup comedy, tap dances and reconnects with her extended family by opening up about how much she and they all loved her husband. Crowe does an excellent job of establishing the late Mitch Baylor as another member of the cast. Lovely sepia toned flashbacks of Drew with his father, perfectly aged photos and even the actor laying in the coffin with just the slightest hint of a smile that Drew dubs whimsical all serve to help the audience feel the loss.

The extended family and friends are an interesting collection. I really enjoyed Paul Schneider as Drew's cousin, a failed rock star with an out of control son and a difficult relationship with his father played by Loudon Wainwright. There was some lovingly detailed work in crafting Schneider and Wainwright's characters that are hinted at but the film does not have time to get too into that.

The film would work better if Claire had been as much a part of the family drama in Elizabethtown as she is the romance plot. Crowe never connects her to the family drama, which could have been done simply by making her a family friend from Elizabethtown and not some random stewardess. Put Claire in Elizabethtown, connect her to the family and maybe you can connect the two separate stories. Because she is outside of it the movie is disjointed and it never comes together.

For me, writing even a slightly negative review of a Cameron Crowe movie is torture, but it's undeniable. Aside from the awesome soundtrack, Elton John's "My Father's Gun" is my new favorite song by the way, Elizabethtown only works as a sketch of a good Cameron Crowe movie. A number of good scenes and good characters  great music but not a great movie. Fans of Cameron Crowe will find a lot of specific things to love in Elizabethtown: scenes, characters, music. I would recommend it for them with the warning that they may be disappointed by the film as a whole.

Movie Review Irreversible

Irreversible (2002) 

Directed Gaspar Noe 

Written by Gaspar Noe 

Starring Monica Bellucci, Vincent Cassell 

Release Date May 22nd, 2002 

Published February 7th, 2023. 

Irreversible begins with the end credits moving backwards and immediately sets you into the disorientation you are going to experience as the story unfolds backwards. It's not just the credits moving backwards, or the words of the credits being inverted, it's Gaspar Noe's camera which moves not in the sense of being a fly on the wall but rather like a fly that never stops moving, looping, flying here and there up and down and upside down. It's legitimately headache inducing. It's intended to be. 

This camera/fly will lead us back in time, back inside a nightclub called Rectum where a murder has just occurred. We've just seen to men removed from the club to an ambulance and accompanied by Police. We are about to learn why they are surrounded by cops as the two have them have just brutally beaten a man to death so violently that his head is basically gone. It's not just the camera though that is leaving us achy and disjointed, the soundtrack is a swirling vortex of sound rising and falling, loud and then quiet. It's a disquieting, swirling and painful hum. 

I will give the soundtrack credit, as hard as it is to listen to, it causes the kind of tense anxiety that our main character, Vincent Cassell's Marcus, is feeling as he shoves his way through this sex club searching for the man who sexually assaulted and nearly murders Marcus' girlfriend, Alex (Monica Bellucci). Marcus is rage personified and the red lighting of the club seems to match the red-hot intensity of his burning, violent anger. Noe peppers the scene with scenes of hardcore gay sex that is nearly as disturbing as the violence that the scene is building to. 

Sex and violence in the world of Gaspar Noe go hand in hand. A man who claims to know where Tenia, the man Marcus is looking for, can be found begs Marcus to Fist him in the ass, something that may in fact be pleasurable but carries with it a sense of something violent in the word fist, a part of the body far more often associated with punching, pounding or the breaking of facial bones. As the man points in the direction of someone who may be Tenia, more sexual violence is nearly enacted as Marcus finds himself in the position of being forcefully taken by this supposed Tenia. 

That's when the murder occurs. Pierre (Albert Dupontel), Marcus's friend, and a man who also once loved Alex, steps in to rescue his friend. He does so by bashing the supposed Tenia with a fire extinguisher. Here, again, Noe's camera is as much an accomplice to the action as it is capturing the image. The movement of Noe's camera as Pierre proceeds to finish the job of bashing in this man's skull is stomach churning, nearly as much the sick, twisted, gross mess that is the man's face as Pierre's assault increases in violence. 

What has led to this violence we will soon find. Again, Irreversible unfolds from the end to the beginning. We follow Marcus and Pierre through Marcus' single minded pursuit of Tenia, his intent is revenge and when we see what he is intending to avenge, we come to understand his feelings. Marcus' beloved, Alex (Monica Bellucci) is in a coma after having been sexually assaulted in a scene that has become infamous for its dedication to the true horror of rape. 

I am going to use the word rape because that visceral description is more truthful. Calling this sexual assault is far too sanitary for what happens to Alex. Alex is raped. This man, Tenia, who we find is not the man that we've just seen Marcus and Pierre beat to death, is a vile, rotten, bit of scum. We see him first assaulting another woman in this underground tunnel. When Alex objects, Tenia turns to her and enacts a scene of gut wrenching, horrific sexual violence. 

Whether you find this depiction of rape offensive or exploitative is purely subjective. I am not here to argue with you about that. If you are offended by this scene or find it to be exploitative of the crime of rape, I understand and respect your feelings. I can also identify with you in that, when I saw Irreversible following its controversial debut at the 2002 Cannes Film Festival, which made headlines for audiences walking out in droves during this scene, I also found the scene deeply offensive. I thought Gaspar Noe was a sick individual for committing such degradation to film. 

20 plus years later, I've grown up a bit. I'm less of a hothead, less prone to a hot take. Watching Irreversible today, I found the scene horrifying but understandably so. Noe wants you, the audience, to confront fully what happened to Alex. The scene is unflinching and Noe's unmoving, unblinking camera, fully static for the first time in the film, on the ground at the same level as Belluci's Alex, forces us to identify with Alex, to feel her horror. 

Noe has rightly pointed out that having the camera moving in this scene places you not in Alex's position but rather in the position of the man assaulting her. It changes the dynamic of the scene, it becomes more artificial and exploitative, as if the camera were searching for bits to show you that you could see if you were there looking around at what was happening. Holding the camera at floor level, keeping us fully in Alex's space, puts us fully at the mercy of the situation. 

Find my full length essay at Geeks.Media. 



Movie Review The Outwaters

The Outwaters (2023) 

Directed by Robbie Banfitch 

Written by Robbie Banfitch 

Starring Robbie Banfitch, Angela Basolis, Scott Schamell

Release Date February 9th, 2023 

Published February 8th, 2023 

An opening series of cards tell us that a group of young people went missing on August 8th, 2017. We know this date because that was the date that one of these young people made a terrifying 911 call. Five years later, footage from memory cards found with a digital camera is found and that's what constitutes the entirety of The Outwaters, a found footage horror movie written and directed by and starring, Robbie Banfitch. 

The Outwaters recalls shockers such as Cannibal Holocaust or Martyrs in its dedication to being stunning. It's truly a movie you cannot prepare yourself for. You think you are ready; you think you know how to handle grisly movies and then you watch The Outwaters and your faith in your experiences as a moviegoer are shaken. I'm someone who has watched and reviewed movies online and in podcast format for two decades. I've seen more than my share of shockers and The Outwaters still shook me. 

I really don't know where to go with this review. The plot of the film is superfluous, intentionally so. It's a hanger, it's a prompt, a motivation used to plant four characters where they need to be in order to enact unimaginable horrors upon them. That's not a criticism, that's just the reality of what The Outwaters is. I find this film dreadfully effective even as I fully understand that there will be many who look at this film and can make no sense of it and dismiss it as exploitation or violent trash. 

I understand where you are coming from if you come away from The Outwaters with that feeling. I was leaning that direction for much of the movie. I honestly couldn't make out much of the middle portion of the movie. There are flashes of light here and there, swaths of bright red blood spread across barren desert floor, and strange looking creates that crawl around the ground. That said, so much happens in the dark that I could not tell you if we are dealing with aliens, demons, or a drug crazed violent rampage. 

The found footage aspect is not one that you should spend time lingering on as it raises too many unanswered questions. One that will plague the more logical filmgoers is who exactly was taking the time to change the memory card in the camera as all of the violent chaos is unfolding. Then again, you could ask of any found footage movie why people would keep a camera rolling while a horror movie plot is unfolding in their real life. Look, you're going to have to just go with it. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 



Classic Movie Review Semi Tough

Semi Tough (1977) 

Directed by Michael Ritchie 

Written by Walter Bernstein, Ring Lardner 

Starring Burt Reynolds, Kris Kristofferson, Jill Clayburgh 

Release Date November 18th, 1977 

Published February 7th, 2023 

The classic on the latest edition of the Everyone's a Critic Movie Review Podcast was inspired by the release of the sort-of Football movie 80 for Brady. 1977's Semi Tough from director Michael Ritchie is also a sort-of Football movie. The film features football, it's about football players but Football is very much not what interest's director Michael Ritchie. Rather, Football is a vague vehicle to be used to create a colorful setting for three colorful characters. 

Semi Tough stars Burt Reynolds as Billy Clyde Puckett, a running back for the Miami Football team. It was 1977 and licensing actual football team names was not something that movie studios were particularly interested in doing. Billy Clyde is lucky to play alongside one of his two best friends, Wide Receiver Marvin 'Shake' Miller. Both Billy Clyde and Shake live with their other childhood best friend, Barbara Jane 'B.J' Bookman. She's also the daughter of the owner of the Miami Football team, played by Hollywood legend Robert 'The Music Man' Preston. 

The plot, what plot there is of it, kicks in when B.J begins to have romantic feelings for Shake. This upends the friendly dynamic of the trio as Billy Clyde grows more and more jealous of his two friends. All the while, Miami is winning their way through the playoffs and on to the Super Bowl. And the movie could truly not care less about the football aspect. As I mentioned, Football is the culture in which these characters exist and Semi Tough is far more of a character piece than anything remotely like a sports movie. 

The biggest element of Semi Tough is a lengthy riff on self-help movements. If you're under the age of 30 you likely aren't aware of this but, your parents and grandparents who came of age in the 1970s briefly became obsessed with kooky self-help movements. EST for instance, the EST Movement, was a seminar in which a former Encyclopedia salesman berated people for endless hours over several days until people had emotional breakthroughs. That those breakthroughs came through the sheer force of inertia from being trapped in a hotel conference room for days while a salesman called you names was something we're not supposed to call attention to. 

In Semi Tough, EST becomes BEAT, a very direct riff on EST, right down to Bert Convy's sleazy guru opening the meetings by calling his new students A##holes. From there, he tells them that if they have a problem, it's entirely their fault, they choose to have these problems and can choose not to have these problems. This nonsense apparently worked on Shakes who came out of his visit to BEAT a complete convert, a true believer. It does not work on B.J who finds the whole experience exhausting. This leads to a conflict between Shakes and B.J that may end their marriage plans. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Spoiler Alert: Consecration's Unholy Ending

Consecration (2023)

Directed by Christopher Smith

Written by Christopher Smith 

Starring Jena Malone, Danny Huston, Janet Suzman 

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 6th, 2023 

Consecration follows the slowly cracking psyche of a woman who may or may not be the vessel of an ancient demon. Jena Malone stars as Grace, a boring eye doctor living a boring life in London. Grace's life and comfort is upended when she's told that her younger brother, a Priest, has died. Not only is he dead, he murdered another fellow Priest before taking his own life. The Nuns in the Scottish abbey where Grace's brother lived and work appear convinced that he was possessed by a demon who caused him to commit murder and take his own life. 

Naturally, Grace must investigate over the objection of Mother Superior (Janet Suzman) and the lead detective on the case, DCI Harris (Thoren Ferguson), but with the aid of a Vatican based Priest, Father Romero (Danny Huston), who is also seeking the truth about what happened. Or is he? That bit of snark is aimed at the fact that Consecration isn't a great movie. It's often a quite convoluted mess that at once frames the church as the villains and potentially the heroes. It's perhaps intended to have a twist but I am honestly unsure. 

With this spoiler alert article we will examine the characters and see if we can make sense of the odd ending of Consecration and maybe find where this failed film could have worked. From here on, spoilers for Consecration. I don't recommend the movie but you might prefer seeing it before having the characters and plot ruined. Thus, you've been warned. From here on out, spoilers for the characters and story of Consecration... 

Who is Grace? Jena Malone's Grace lives a comfortable if boring life as an eye doctor in London. Grace was an adopted child, alongside her brother, and grew up in a deeply traumatic broken home. Grace's father was crazed and abusive. Dad thought his daughter was some kind of demon and that stopping her from destroying the world started with him keeping her captive. This leads to him murdering Grace's mother before he's nearly killed himself while trying to kill Grace. 

In reality, Dad was right. Grace is, in fact, a demon in human form. She doesn't know it yet, but Grace is a powerful demon who travels through time to kill who needs to be killed to protect her secret and secure Grace's future for whatever evil scheme is supposed to play out. Grace's brother died when an older Priest figured out that killing Grace was the only way to stop the demon inside her and was endeavoring to kill Grace. Instead, the brother killed the Priest and to show the demon that she wasn't in charge, he killed himself. 

I think that's what happened. Again, Consecration is a deeply confused movie that seems to shift motivations while searching for the next creepy visual element. Grace figures out that she is the demon just as she's about to surrender to Father Romero who wants to entomb Grace and the demon under the newly consecrated church. Grace survives, murders several people, including Father Romero, and pretends to kill herself to throw off DCI Harris. In reality, she's an unstoppable evil demon who can survive anything and kill anyone she chooses. 

The film ends when Mother Superior stops sending minions to try and kill Grace and takes matters into her own hands. Showing up outside of Grace's office, Mother Superior pulls a gun on Grace only to then be struck and killed by a cab. Inside the cab is an angel bobblehead which is viewed just as Grace talks about having had a guardian angel since she was a kid. The Guardian Angel is Grace herself as a time traveling demon Nun who leads Mother Superior into the street to be hit by the cab. 

I think. Again, Consecration is highly convoluted, as you can sense from that description. I think Grace is a demon. I know we see Grace, in demon form, dressed as a Nun, traveling back in time to witness the murder of the Priest, witness her brother's death, she is responsible for saving herself from her father when he tries to murder her as a child. She's there to stab a Nun who tries to kill Grace. And, we see all of the strange, inexplicable and violent deaths that happen in front of Grace, that Grace herself commits the acts, invisibly. 



Classic Movie Review: Loaded Weapon 1

Loaded Weapon 1 (1993) 

Directed by Gene Quintano

Written by Gene Quintano, Don Holley 

Starring Emilio Estevez, Samuel L. Jackson, Kathy Ireland, Whoopi Goldberg 

Release Date February 5th, 1993

Published February 6th, 2023 

On the new Everyone's a Critic Movie Review Podcast Spinoff, Everyone's a Critic 1993, myself and my co-hosts, Amy K, and M.J, watch movies that were released 30 years ago that week. One movie per week and the month of January 1993 was truly awful. It was a miserable time for movies. Leprechaun was mildly entertaining but certainly not great. Body of Evidence was downright traumatizing in how sleazy it was, and Hexed, starring Arye Gross, is among the worst movies Hollywood has produced in the last 30 years. 

Thus far, the best movie we've watched is another of the worst of all time. Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice is one of the great hidden gems of the So-Bad-Its-Good pantheon. It's one of the best unintentionally funny movies I've ever had the pleasure of watching. But, the pleasure is tinged with it being a solely ironic appreciation. In the first month of the new podcast, we have not seen a single good movie. February changed things immediately. 

On the first weekend of February, 1993, Hollywood managed to finally release a good movie. National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 stars Emilio Estevez and Samuel L. Jackson in a Naked Gun style spoof of the Lethal Weapon movies. This might sound like a tired idea but the reality is that Loaded Weapon 1 is a hidden gem, an oasis of genuinely funny comedy in a sea of terrible movies of the early 1990s. Before the Scary Movie franchise ruined parody movies seemingly for the rest of time, Loaded Weapon 1 stuck to the basics of the spoof genre and created a forgotten classic. 

The plot of Lethal Weapon 1 is brilliantly silly. William Shatner plays General Mortars, a former Army General turned drug kingpin. For reasons that are ingeniously silly, he needs a piece of micro-film to help him turn Cocaine into Girl Scout Cookies that he can distribute via a subsidiary of the Girl Scouts, headed up by Kathy Ireland as Miss Destiny Demeanor. Tim Curry co-stars as the General's right hand man and right away, from the introduction of Curry as Mr. Jigsaw, you get a sense of the wonderful silliness at play. 

A girl scout gets out of a van and begins skipping towards the door of a suburban home. Just before knocking, she stubs out a cigarette. The home is a safe house where an ex-cop, played by Whoopi Goldberg is hiding out. When she finally opens here series of comical front doors and locks, we see Curry dressed as a Girl Scout and speaking with a thick, Middle-European accent. Deadpan, Goldberg invites him in so she can buy cookies and ends up dead. The back and forth in this scene is wonderfully silly and sets a terrific tone for the rest of Loaded Weapon 1. 

From there we will unite our Riggs and Murtagh characters, Emilio Estevez as the haunted and suicidal detective with nothing to lose, Sgt. Jack Colt, and family man detective, on the day before his retirement, Sgt. Wes Luger. Luger also has a tragic backstory where he nearly killed his partner and has since been unable to shoot a gun without shaking uncontrollably, a bit that pays off multiple times in Loaded Weapon 1. Each gag is better than the last. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review Consecration

Consecration (2023) 

Directed by Christopher Smith 

Written by Christopher Smith 

Starring Jena Malone, Danny Huston, Janet Suzman 

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 6th, 2023 

Consecration stars Jena Malone as Grace, a doctor living in America who is called to Scotland when her brother dies under unusual circumstances. Grace's brother, a Priest, is accused of having murdered another Priest before taking his own life. Naturally, Grace does not believe that her brother would have done such a thing or taken his own life. Thus, a mystery unfolds, who killed the Priest and who killed Grace's brother and portrayed it as a suicide? 

Aiding or perhaps hindering Grace's search for the truth is Father Romero (Danny Huston). Father Romero claims to be at the convent where Grace's brother was found to re-consecrate the place and bring it back to God. He claims that he can't do that as long as lies are being told about the death of Grace's brother. So, he offers to help Grace find the truth. Meanwhile, Mother Superior (Janet Suzman) lingers in the back of many scenes looking menacing and admitting that she may have tainted the evidence surrounding the murder and Grace's brother's death. 

Eventually we learn that members of the convent blame a demon for the death of both Priests. A Nun claims that a demon possessed Grace's brother, causing him to murder the other Priest and causing him to take his own life. Whether or not such a demon exists or if the death of Grace's brother was orchestrated by members of the convent is the mystery that drives Consecration as it proceeds through its horror movie story, one bubbling with religious imagery. 

The conclusion of Consecration is frustrating and deeply unsatisfying. The whole thing turns on a Deus Ex Machina that is broad to downright silly. Essentially, one of our characters turns out to be able to be anywhere at anytime and has been orchestrating everything we have seen since the start of the movie. We learn this when we are taken back in time via flashback that shows us everything that the rest of the movie was incapable of implying. 

Jena Malone usually makes better choices than this. Malone is wonderful at playing haunted characters with deep, dark, secrets and yet, Consecration makes her weepy and weak. It doesn't suit her. She ends the movie in a much different place than she began but it feels unearned. Malone is not the wilting flower type, she has a natural strength that she brings to most of her performances. Trying to tamp that down in Consecration via bad wig and weepy eyes simply doesn't work. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media



Movie Review Linoleium

Linoleum (2023) 

Directed by Colin West 

Written by Colin West 

Starring Jim Gaffigan, Rhea Seahorn. Katelyn Nacon 

Release Date February 24th, 2023 

Published February 19th, 2023 

Linoleum stars Jim Gaffigan as Cameron, a scientist and star of a failing children's television show. Cameron dreams of being an astronaut and as we join the story, he's sending in an application to NASA. And then a corvette falls out of the sky. Inside the car is what looks like a younger, slightly better-looking version of Cameron. Later, he relates the story to his family, including his soon-to-be ex-wife, Erin (Rhea Seahorn), and his loving if capricious daughter, Nora (Katelyn Nacon). Cameron also has a son but I am not even sure he's in the credits for the film, he exists to be indifferent to his father and the story in motion around him. 

Cameron's basement man-cave is stocked with NASA memorabilia which we see as Cameron is sneaking off to sleep apart from his disapproving wife. The following day we learn that the man in the Corvette crash is a scientist and astronaut whose uncanny resemblance to Cameron is intended as a way of commenting on the shortcomings of his dreams. Where this similarly looking man has succeeded in all of Cameron's dreams, Cameron himself, is a failure. This notion culminates in this man, Kent Armstrong, taking Cameron's job as host of his children's show. 

Running parallel to this odd story about Cameron and his doppelganger is that of Cameron's daughter, Nora (Katelyn Nacon). Nora is awkward and acerbic, unpopular at school but not really caring for popularity. Nora then meets Marc (Gabriel Rus), a new kid in school who happens to be the son of Cameron's doppelganger. Nora and Marc slowly build a romantic connection despite Nora saying she's gay more than once early in the film. 

That sounds more problematic than it is as there is an explanation. That said, the explanation is bizarre and may leave some audience members deeply confused. The final act of Linoleum sees three parallel stories seemingly merge at different points in time. Characters begin to merge in terms of timelines and it all coalesces into a very interesting conclusion, though one that remains open to interpretation. I can understand audiences that are deeply put off by how Linoleum plays out. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review Untamed Heart

Untamed Heart (1993) 

Directed by Tony Bill 

Written by Tom Sierchio 

Starring Marisa Tomei, Christian Slater, Rosie Perez 

Release Date February 12th, 1993 

Published February 12th, 2023 

So... let's see if I understand this correctly. We are going to work this out together, you and me, dear reader. Christian Slater is a grown adult who still believes that when he was a child living in the jungle that his father stole magical rubies from a Baboon King to try and save Slater's characters life. When the Baboon King, who was trying to murder Slater's father, finds out that the rubies are for trying to save the child, the Baboon King tears out his own heart and puts it into the child Christian Slater's chest. He believes this story still, as an adult working at diner, that he tells this to the women he's been stalking/falling in love with. 

That's something that a human being wrote down and then made into a movie. Untamed Heart is a wild damn disaster of a romantic drama. It's a bizarre movie that appears to think it's perfectly normal for a grown man to rarely speak and believe that he has a baboon heart so thoroughly that he doesn't want to get a heart transplant that might prolong his life. And he's the romantic lead in this movie. No, he's not the little brother who suffered a head injury as a child that the actual romantic lead in the movie takes care of because their parents are gone, he's the actual lead in the movie. 

Okay, yeah, that's completely insane. Marisa Tomei is the actual star of Untamed Heart as a diner waitress named Caroline. While walking home late one night, Caroline is accosted by a pair of mashers, played by Kyle Secor and Willie Garson. Secor attempts to sexually assault Caroline but is thwarted by Adam (Christian Slater). He scoops up an unconscious Caroline and takes her home where he places her on a porch swing and spends hours watching her sleep. Yeah! 

By this point, it's been established that though Caroline and Adam have worked together for some time, he doesn't speak to her or really anyone if he doesn't absolutely have to. So, if they don't know each other, how does Adam know where she lives? Well, he's been stalking Caroline for weeks, perhaps months at a time. He says he just follows her home to make sure she gets there safe but later we will learn that he was also breaking into her house and watching her sleep. 

For her part, Caroline finds all of this incredibly romantic. The 90s were a goddamned mess. If you don't believe that women have spent most of their lives being gaslighted into thinking insane things are actually romantic, you haven't seen this nutzo movie that posits a stranger breaking into a woman's home to watch her sleep for weeks or months on end, as romantic devotion worthy of them spending the rest of their lives together. 

The scene were we find out that Adam has been following Grace comes when he breaks into her house and puts up a Christmas tree in her room, fully decorated. He did this while she and her entire family were sleeping. Her reaction to this is somehow not complete horror. Instead, she responds by saying thank you and 'I can't believe you remembered.' Remembered what? Christmas? Honestly, I wonder if they had Marisa Tomei's character act dumber just so she might seem like she would buy into Slater's Adam as a legit romantic partner. 



Movie Review Magic Mike's Last Dance

Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023) 

Directed by Steven Soderbergh 

Written by Reid Carolin 

Starring Channing Tatum, Salma Hayek

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 14th, 2023 

Can I recommend a movie solely on the strength of the sexual chemistry between the two leads? It seems like a thin premise for recommending a movie. But, Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek are so incredible together, so insanely sexy together, I kind of want to recommend Magic Mike's Last Dance. Even as the plot seems like nonsense and the story feels cobbled together on the fly, the smoldering sexual chemistry of Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek is so fiery, it's kind of worth suffering the nonsense for. 

Magic Mike's Last Dance returns Channing Tatum, and his washboard abs, to the role of Mike Lane, stripper turned furniture maker, turned bartender as we join this story. Mike's dream of making handmade furniture failed amid the pandemic and he has sustained himself as a bartender for hire at parties ever since. That's how Mike meets Maxandra (Salma Hayek). She's a bored, rich, soon to be divorced cougar who has hired Mike on the recommendation of one of her employees. 

According to said employee, Mike can give Maxandra the kind of experience she's been craving, the kind of male attention she's desired since deciding to leave her husband. Indeed, Mike reluctantly agrees to her terms and provides such an experience. Showing off his insanely sexual lap dance skills, Mike sweeps Maxandra up in a lusty tornado of writhing flesh and she's hooked immediately. Though Mike doesn't want to be a kept man, he can't resist when Maxandra asks him to follow her to London, her primary home. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review Batman Begins (2012)

Batman Begins (2005) 

Directed by Christopher Nolan 

Written by Christopher Nolan 

Starring Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes 

Release Date 

Published 2012 

Henri Ducard: Are you ready to begin?
Bruce Wayne: I-I can barely stand...
Henri Ducard: [kicks him] Death does not wait for you to be ready! Death is not considerate, or fair! And make no mistake: here, you face Death.

And that is how Bruce Wayne began his journey some seven years ago in writer-director Christopher Nolan’s first Bat-masterpiece, “Batman Begins.” It’s appropriate that Bruce Wayne, the man who would be Batman, would be trained as a ninja; the nerd culture that deified the caped crusader are of the same ilk who’ve turned the Asian legend of the ninja warrior into an outsized caricature.

It’s that knowing of what the audience wanted combined with his own particular, peculiar interests that have made Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy both crowd-pleasing and deeply personal. We will see in “The Dark Knight Rises,” Nolan’s Batman thesis statement, just how well the director combines his ability to dazzle the masses with his deep seeded philosophical aims.

“Batman Begins” is certainly a remarkable opening statement. In retrospect it’s much easier to see in the film how Nolan wanted to use this iconic character not merely to entertain but to critique and enlighten. From the opening moments when Bruce Wayne loses his parents to crime informed by poverty to the attempt by Ra’s Al Ghul to raze Gotham City by rotting it from within the philosophical aims of Nolan and his co-writer and brother Jonathan Nolan are vague but emerging.

We will get to the philosophy in a moment; let’s dig in to the surface story first. Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) lost his parents to a horrendous murder in a back alley. With years of guilt and anger boiling within Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham City from a failed stint in college with the intention of purging himself by killing his parents killer. When the man is murdered by a Mob Boss, Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson), Bruce needs a new path and winds up somewhere in Asia.

In Asia Bruce meets and becomes a student of a man calling himself Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson). He’s allegedly a minion of a man known as Ra’s Al Ghul but we will come to know that Ducard is Ra’s and he has plans for his new pupil that involve the destruction of Gotham City. Ra’s Al Ghul is the head of a secret society that has for years restored the balance of the world by laying waste to areas of the world that have grown decadent and out of control and Gotham City is set to join Rome, Sodom & Gomorrah and others on the ash heap of history.

When Bruce leans of Ra’s Al Ghul’s plans the compassion instilled in him by his late father compels him to hope for Gotham City and soon defend it. Bruce’s decision sets the stage for what will be a clash of will and philosophy that will carry audiences through “The Dark Knight Rises;” Ra’s Al Ghul’s cynical belief in the cleansing fire and Batman’s scarred optimism that good can somehow triumph over even the worst evil.

Is it really as simple as a glass half empty versus a glass half full? Of course not, though Ra’s Al Ghul’s nefarious plot to poison and weaponize Gotham’s water supply has a certain ironic quality in my thesis. The deeper meaning of “Batman Begins” and what carried forward through “The Dark Knight” and comes to fruition, allegedly, in “The Dark Knight Rises” is a belief in hope against great odds; the belief that a once great city or country can be great again but only after a great struggle.



Surely, Christopher Nolan’s vision of America in Gotham City is one on the road to complete ruin. It’s a vision that is littered with the bodies of the brave and beleaguered, the good and the evil, but is still a vision of hope. Is not America’s past stained with the same blood? Are we not hopeful that from the horrors of the past greatness can be recovered?

Hope, dear reader, is at the heart of Batman and “Batman Begins” is a far more hopeful movie than many are willing to give it credit for. Just check that hopeful happy ending as Bruce Wayne and his best friend Alfred ponder a future where the ruins of Wayne Manor are restored to an even greater and more effective glory.

Not having seen “The Dark Knight Rises” my theory of hope among the darkness of the Batman series may be completely disproved but I don’t think so. Christopher Nolan may have dark visions of a rotting society but he’s far too savvy to give into the cynicism that is the true enemy of his vision. Batman/Bruce Wayne himself may not be so lucky, but Gotham City will survive and a new hope will be born from the ruins with Batman, man or legend, as its symbol of hope.

Movie Review Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania

Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania 

Directed by Peyton Reed

Written by Jeff Loveness

Starring Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michelle Pfeiffer, Michael Douglas, Jonathan Majors 

Release Date February 17th, 2023 

Published February 15th, 2023 

In the Quantum Realm Janet Van Dyne (Michelle Pfeiffer) believed she would live out her days alone and lost. Then, a spaceship crashed in front of her. Inside was a man with no name, though she would eventually know him as Kang (Jonathan Majors). For a time, Janet and this nameless man worked together to try and escape from the Quantum Realm. That partnership ended when Janet found out who Kang really was, an entity, a being, a God, known as Kang The Conqueror. 

Kang once held a mastery over time. His God-like powers allowed him to travel the multiverse where he destroyed entire branch universes in order to consolidate his own power. Trapped in the Quantum Realm after Janet betrayed him, Kang built an empire and kept searching for a means to escape. That chance to escape comes after Janet has managed to escape, with the help of Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), aka Ant-Man. It takes a little time but when Cassie Lang built a machine that could map the Quantum Realm, it opened a portal that sucked in Cassie, her dad Scott, Janet, her husband, Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), and Janet's daughter, Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly), aka The Wasp. 

Now trapped in the Quantum Realm and separated from each other, the family must find a way to reunite. All while being pursued by Kang who hopes to steal whatever means allowed Janet to escape from the Quantum Realm. That means being, Pym Particles, the creation that allows Ant-Man and The Wasp to shrink or grow in size and take advantage of the strength of ants. Kang believes that this technology could be used to restore the MacGuffin that gave power to the ship that stranded him in the Quantum Realm and allow him to travel to and conquer universes as he had done before he was exiled. 

And that's the plot of Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania. Can Scott Lang overcome the God-Like powers of Kang the Conqueror and keep him from destroying countless universes. It's a solid and relatively simple plot but one that lacks much in terms of depth. Scott Lang's character arc isn't much. He wishes he could go back to before The Snap and be with Cassie as she grows up. Kang, with his ability to manipulate time, might be able to give him that wish. However, though the trailer seems to indicate that Scott would be open to working with Kang, that doesn't happen in the movie. 

At no point is Scott not the Ant-Man we've always known, a slightly gawky devoted dad and practical screw-up. The movie doesn't change him much nor, does it appear that his experiences saving the world alongside the Avengers seem to have changed him much. He's perhaps become overly cautious when it comes to Cassie, urging her not to take risks or do anything that might risk her safety, even if said thing is the right thing to do. That's not really much of an arc but that's about all that we get in Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania. 

In terms of arcs, none of these characters seem to have much growth or change. Janet Van Dyne does open up to her family for the first time since she has been back in her own universe but that's only because of the dangerous circumstances at play and not due to any emotional growth on her part. As for Hank and Hope, they're mostly sidelined here. Hope especially, seems to have less dialogue and screen time than in the previous Ant-Man movies. Michael Douglas has a few moments where he looks cool but he's mostly superfluous to the plot. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Spoiler Alert: Character Arcs and Functionality in Knock at the Cabin

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan 

Written by M. Night Shyamalan 

Starring Dave Bautista, Nikki Amuka Bird, Kristin Cui, Rupert Grint, Jonathan Groff, Abby Quinn, Ben Aldridge 

Release Date February 3rd, 2023 

Published February 3rd, 2023 

Knock at the Cabin is a horror thriller about the apocalypse. Four characters, played by Dave Bautista, Abby Quinn, Rupert Grint, and Nikki Amuka Bird, travel to a cabin in Pennsylvania where they hope to avert a worldwide apocalypse. To do this, they must convince a family of three, played by Jonathan Groff, Ben Aldridge and their daughter played by Kristin Cui, to willing sacrifice one member of their family. The four visitors have had a shared vision of the future and received a vague prophecy related to this specific cabin and whoever lives there. 

In this article we are going to examine the character arcs and how they function in M. Night Shyamalan's nightmare fantasy of the end of the world. To do that, there will be spoilers. If you are wanting to see Knock at the Cabin, you should see the movie first and then come back and engage with this article. 

Leonard - Played by Dave Bautista, over the course of Knock at the Cabin we learn that Leonard is a schoolteacher and that he coaches middle school sports. Leonard is big and imposing but has a gentle quality as he demonstrates upon meeting Wen, the young daughter of Eric and Andrew. As he joins Wen to catch Grasshoppers for a school project, Leonard gently works to make Wen comfortable before he is compelled to reveal why he has come to this mostly empty stretch of Pennsylvania forest. 

Leonard is the de-facto leader of the four people who come to the cabin. It's Leonard who reveals the prophecy and the details of the apocalypse and that each of his fellow visitors will die until Eric and Andrew make a decision about which of them should die to save humanity. And that's pretty much it. Leonard appears wise and Dave Bautista invests him with a particular passion that is very compelling but, he doesn't change much as we see him. The biggest change in Leonard's life happens entirely off-screen. 

By the time that Leonard has arrived at the cabin, he's a devotee of this apocalypse plan and doesn't waver. Perhaps his arc is coming to accept his own fate, dying by his own hand, but again, it's not an arc. Instead of having an arc where he starts at one point of an emotional or physical journey, Leonard is a functional character. Leonard exists to motivate change in Eric and Andrew. I am not saying this as a negative critique, I'm just establishing how he functions in this story. 

Abby - Abby is a line cook and a mother of a son named Charlie. She enjoys cooking and likes making people happy. Like Leonard, the biggest arc of her life happened off screen. Finding Leonard and the rest via a message board and going to Pennsylvania to carry out their role in trying to prevent the apocalypse, happens before we meet Abby. What we see of Abby is that she is manic, anxious, and a little panicked. And that never changes until her character is killed to set off another plague of the apocalypse. Like Leonard, she functions as a motivator for Andrew and Eric. 

Sabrina - Sabrina is a nurse and a supremely kind woman. Though she uses a weapon to break into the cabin in violent fashion, when Eric is injured during the home invasion, Sabrina tends to him and cares for him. She goes out of her way to make Eric comfortable as he has suffered a concussion during the brawl. It's likely just how she was as a nurse, a caring, loving presence. Like her fellow visitors, her arc happened offscreen as she went from a full time nurse with a family to someone who drove 6 hours to be at this place, at this time, to try and stop the apocalypse. Her death doesn't go as planned but she seems prepared to accept it when it comes. 

Redmond - Redmond is the last of our foursome and the only one who gets a scene outside of the main narrative. Redmond is belligerent and agitated but that's explained by the fact that he knows he's the first to die if Andrew and Eric fail to make a choice. It will come about through the arguing back and forth between Eric and Leonard, that Redmond knew Eric and Andrew before coming to the cabin. As Eric recalls, Redmond approached him and Andrew at a bar in Boston and assaulted Eric with a beer bottle after having overheard the two men professing their love to each other. 



Spoiler Alert: The Absence of Consequence in Infinity Pool

Infinity Pool (2023)

Directed by Brandon Cronenberg

Written by Brandon Cronenberg

Starring Mia Goth, Alexander Skarsgard, Cleopatra Coleman 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published February 3, 2023 

This article contains spoilers for the ending of the new movie Infinity Pool. I highly recommend you see the film before you read this article. Infinity Pool is a mindbending, genre-defying, exploration of unchecked privilege. Writer-Director Brandon Cronenberg takes influence from his father, David Cronenberg, in crafting eye-catching body horror while using his film to explore themes he finds interesting such as the notion of identity and the unchecked privilege of the uber-rich. The title alone, Infinity Pool, suggests an unending lavish and luxurious privilege reserved only to those who could afford it. 

SPOILERS AHEAD JUMP NOW AND SEE INFINITY POOL... 

The plot of Infinity Pool comes into focus when Alexander Skarsgard's James Foster is arrested for vehicular homicide. The previous night, he'd gone out with his wife, Em, played by Cleopatra Coleman, and a couple they'd just met, Gabi and Alban Bauer, played by Mia Goth and Jalil Lespert. They foursome got drunk and while driving back to their resort, with James behind the wheel, they struck a man crossing the street, killing the man. Gabi then convinces them to leave the scene without reporting the incident, compounding their legal problems the following day. 

James is arrested while his wife and the Bauer's are detained. The investigating detective, played by Thomas Kretschmann tells James that the punishment for his crime is death. The family of the man he killed is allowed to exact their revenge by executing him themselves. But, there is a way out. For a free, the cops will make a complete clone of James, one with all of his features and memories, and that clone will stand-in when James is put to death. The only catch is that James will have to watch his own execution. James agrees and is forever changed by seeing himself be gutted by the oldest son of the man he killed. 

This death sentence is James' initiation into an exclusive club. The Bauers inform James that they've also been through their own execution after an infinity pool that Alban installed at another resort, went to pieces and killed two workers. Since seeing their own execution, the Bauers have built a hedonistic group of fellow Americans who've committed death sentence offenses while staying at this resort. Having seen their own deaths, the group finds that there are really no consequences for their actions and thus they seek to engage in even greater debauchery to achieve an ever more elusive high. 

Em leaves immediately, not remotely interested in James' new friends. Thus, James is left free to indulge in drugs, group sex, and murder, all with no consequences. If the group is caught murdering a local official who ticked them off, they won't die. They can simply pay a fee for another clone and enjoy the incredibly morbid show of watching themselves die again. As you can imagine, this kind of unchecked privilege leads James to his darkest depths. Reaching a nadir, he will try to save himself, but what is he saving himself from? 

The final act of Infinity Pool is basically James becoming a plaything, a toy for Mia Goth's Gabi to play with as she pleases. The game she chooses has James killing one his own clones in a fight to the death. It's a horrific death and since James can never be sure whether he is himself or a clone of his original self, there is an extra kick of desperation, confusion and anger that underscores the fury he lets loose on this other version of himself. 



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